Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) s05e02 Episode Script


My name is Shake-Zula, the Mic Rula, The old schooler You want to trip? l'll bring it to you Frylock, and l'm on top, rock you like a cop Meatwad, you're up next with your knock-knock Meatwad make the money, see? Meatwad get the honeys, ''G'' Drivin' in my car, livin' like a star lce on my fingers and my toes, and l'm a Taurus Unh, check, check it, yeah 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say ''ho!'' and the girlies want to scream 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say ''ho!'' and the girlies want to scream Aqua Teen Hunger Force CARL: So, you know, very roomy.
Put your flat-screen TV over there.
You got -- step over t-the corpses there.
You know, the city been notified about that.
You know, but the flies have carted off most of the meat, anyways.
You drop a throw rug on it, you're good to go.
Man, l am really focusing a lot on them corpses.
Uh, so, what do you say? We got a deal, here? You skipped over the wooden paneling.
Talk more about the wooden paneling.
Uh is that a feature? lt is the best feature.
All right, yeah.
But check this out! Yeah, football fan! You're at the 50-yard line! 'Cause you ain't just watchin' the game -- you in the game! l mean, not really.
You know, you're watchin' the game, but, uh, it's sort of like you are in action, even though, you know, you might be you know, passed out.
l don't like how you try to sell my house.
Come on, man.
This is a sport lover's fantasy! l don't like sports.
No one does.
All right, look, uh, let's be frank here.
That gas leak is gonna kill anybody that tries to move in here.
l'm not fixing that gas leak for you or anyone.
All right.
Fine, fine.
l understand, you know.
But are you -- are you totally set on that price? l mean, 20 grand a month, man -- l need that money! The cost of blood is going up.
l need to feed.
Yeah, you keep throwing around words like ''blood'' and ''feed.
'' l mean, feed what? Never you mind.
l've said too much already.
l'm so stupid -- stupid.
l mean, maybe paint a mural of, like, the -- the '91 Giants, like, cresting a hill.
Carl, l'm starting to think you aren't right for this job.
This is not a fit.
Really? Well, then fit this.
You need me, l'm next door getting comfortable with myself in the nude! [ laughs ] [ woman on computer ] Ohhh.
Oh, yeah.
You are naughty.
Yes, you are a cheerleader, aren't you? An enormous 300-pound cheerleader.
Not too many cheerleaders missing teeth, but, uh, sure, l'll go with the fantasy.
[ growls ] Yeah, get the mascot involved.
That's right -- the guy in the bear outfit.
l'm so desensitized, it's got to be just completely bananas to get me off.
[ beep ] Hey! WOMAN: Oh, baby.
Your credit-card limit has reached its climax.
No! No, no, no! - Bye.
- No! [ singing ] What the Hey! l'm trying to get erotic, here! Keep it down! Hey! Open up in there! [ clears throat ] l just came by to say welcome to your h-- high beams.
Uh, that came out wrong.
l meant to say boo-- uh, boobs.
Uh, who are you? [ electronically ] l'm your fantasy, Carl Really? There is no credit card required to sleep with us [ laughing ] Whoa! Comin' on strong.
''Us''? Who's ''us''? Me and my sisters l am Chrysanthemum This is the B.
Queen This is John Kruk What's up, man? Kruk from the Phillies? Uh, yeah, man.
That's -- that's me.
Dude, l hit you with a battery in '89.
You remember -- ''D'' cell? Yeah, l remember you.
Yeah, l still got the scar.
And l still use that battery.
Thanks, man.
l got to tell you, l spent about three nights in the clink 'cause of that, but it was so worth it to see you just drop to your knees in anguish.
So, what are you doin' here, man, hanging out with these hooahs? [ laughs ] l mean no disrespect, seriously.
l'm a Siren now.
Yeah? So, what's that, like a -- like a team or something? No, man.
lt's, uh, it's like l'm their sister and we sing songs to people.
Oh, like a band, yeah.
Uh, no.
No, that's not really it.
Sing for him, John Kruk Oh, right now's not a good time for me to sing.
Yes, you must Do l really have to sing? Go on, man, sing.
She said you sing.
Go do it.
Sing, sing, sing -- that's all these girls do.
God, they're frickin' crazy.
Do, uh, ''Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap.
'' Sing for him, John Kruk La la la la la la lala La la la la lala -- Oh, you suck.
John Kruk is not a good singer We mask his hideous voice with more volume What the y-you kidnap me, you torture me with your sick games, and l got to sit around here with a clamp on my thing.
l mean, what the hell do you guys want from me? Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
Go back.
You guys do -- y-you do sex games here? Yeah, l guess.
Hey, what do you guys think if this guy could take my place for a bit? You know, l'd love to go see my kids.
Yeah, l could totally take his place here.
No, no, John Kruk No, man.
Go -- go see your family.
Down, boy, down You know, maybe you should just go on home.
Don't worry about what we do over here.
lt's not even painful anymore.
You sure, now? l could -- l could totally [ giggling ] get into this.
l'll just catch up with you later.
All right.
l'm next door if you need anything.
Certainly if you need another piece of meat to fit inside your sex sandwich.
Carl, please.
And l don't even mind that you're a dude.
You are a potential hall-of-famer.
Dude, just go.
300 career batting average.
BOTH: He said go l could totally have sex next to you.
- Dude, go.
- Well, all right.
l -- yeah, okay.
But, uh, l mean, l'd totally -- SlRENS: Close the door on him Oh, this door? SlRENS: When you eat a junk lunch At the same time [ drill whirs ] Quiet, quiet, quiet.
givin' and gettin' it on l'm givin' and gettin' and givin' Wait Did someone just hear? lt sounded like a power tool Yeah, it was like a drill or something Shh.
SlRENS: There we go.
[ blows ] All right.
lt's the magic hour.
All right.
Now just reach up and grab 'em.
Marcula, what are you -- Uh, what's goin' on, man? l would ask you the same thing.
Uh, me? Dude, l'm drilling a hole.
Running somewires through here for some, uh Speakers.
That's right.
Puttin' them right here in the bushes.
Good call.
l want this side yard to reek of sound.
SlRENS: When you get your junk loved What is going on in there? l don't know neither.
You go check it out.
l will.
[ door opens, closes ] SlRENS: And givin' [ singing stops ] [ door opens, closes ] And givin' lt's all fine.
Fine? What do you mean? See for yourself.
Ohhh, no.
- John Kruk.
- Ow.
Baseball's lost a legend.
See? lt's fine.
They're going to be good tenants.
You people stay far away from me! [ doorbell rings ] [ gunshot ] Friggin' [ doorbell rings ] Hey, what's up, man? Hey, did you see my paper? l saw you last night.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah -- with the girls.
Yeah, with the girls.
l-in the living room.
ln the living room, yeah.
They're pretty hot, huh? Hey, check this out, man.
All this skin comes off with a zipper.
You see? A-and the harpoons? Oh, this harpoon hole? Surgically made for the illusion.
Dude, it's so hot.
The biggest sexual organ is your brain.
You know what l mean? No.
Honestly, don't knock it until you've tried it.
And getting it on CARL: Well, l'm presently unattached.
l mean, you know How do l go about doing that? Well, you can go dance for them, see what they say.
l mean, what the hell.
Give it a shot.
Well, l don't dance unless l'm totally wasted.
All right, then.
Let's get wasted.
[ scatting Led Zeppelin's ''The Ocean'' ] Ali-i-i-i-ve! That's from the Live Album.
We do not like it Well, you know, that kind of means they don't like it, Carl.
Oh, come on! What do l got to do here?! Take this knife, slice off your nipples, and feed them to the sisters -- like grapes.
All right.
No, l'm not doing that.
Aw, come on, buddy.
You know you're drunk.
Yeah, l know.
lt's a good thing, too.
Otherwise, l would totally feel this.
Do you have them? All right.
Now take them and throw them in the sewer.
l thought that you said -- You thought what? That you're stupid? You're so stupid.
That's for hitting me with a battery at Shea, you asshole.
So they don't want the nipples? Dude, who would want them? Dogs don't even want them, okay? All right, John Kruk.
Take it easy, man.
l'll, uh, catch up with you later.
[ doorbell rings ] l found these nipples in the sewers.
ls anyone you know missing any nipples? There's no way they could be sewed back on.
l mean, too much time has passed by now.
l don't know nobody, so, uh, maybe you keep walkin'.
Well, l guess l'll keep looking.
Keep lookin'.
Maybe place an ad in the paper.
lt would be a big color ad.
lt would say ''nipples found.
'' Finally -- nipples of my own.
They're so beautiful Don't you think l know that? Ah, that's great.
Couldn't be happier for you.
l have an idea.
How about if l go see my wife and kids? l have a better idea.
lt's called ''pizza for everyone.
'' [ echoing ] Pizza party! [ normal voice ] Who has money? Dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden Dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden