Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) s09e04 Episode Script

Rocket Horse Jet Chicken

I'm the pimp on top, can't never be stopped Frylock is on the bottom, and your mama on my Shakezula is m'elegante de la casa.
El Meatwad es tan grande.
Don't understand why you're [bleep] with a "g" 'Cause Shake got the bait, make a blind man see Meatwad got your mama in my ride Rollin' up the whole up and then keep the hoes high "Aqua Something You Know" Eh, whatever.
Where is my jerk-off mag? I left it right here so that I might arouse myself in the comfort and privacy of my own recliner.
I figured you might like to read this.
What is this? This is Meatwad's new graphic novel.
Oh, it's new! Well, technically, it's book four in the series, but I want to lead off with it, you know, gets you into the world.
Well, your world is about to crumble before your eyes! Torn to shreds by a tsunami of hate.
It's too thick for my trouble! Yeah, that's the unabridged version.
It's called "The venturesome adventures of Rocket Horse and Jet Chicken.
" You have an outline? I'll rip that up.
It's pretty entertaining, actually Shake.
You should definitely read it.
You know you can't judge a book by its cover.
You can with this one in a big way 'cause first off, it's coated in ranch, which means somebody had wings and didn't bother sharing with me! We spread ranch on the cover to entice the reader.
Page two is where I lay the hook.
Come on, Shake, read it.
It's a page turner, man.
Yeah, that's exactly what Frylock said on the back.
"It's a page turner Frylock.
" And then there's a bunch of space there, and that's where I need to fill with a blurb from you.
Summarize it.
Just give me the broad strokes.
I'm looking for more feeling.
I don't need details.
"Once upon a time, there was a superhero named Jet Chicken and his trusty steed sidekick Rock Rocket Horse.
And they were shaking hands and signing autographs at the Krayo dealership off I-80 Eastbound to Newark.
Hey, there, buddy.
You looking to put yourself in a Krayo sunsplash today, huh? No, I'm just here to meet the original Jet Chicken and Rocket Horse.
Well, you're looking at Rocket Horse.
Maybe I can sign for the both of us, you know? I'm sure I could get it close to how he signs it.
I kind of would like to meet the original Jet Chicken just 'cause, you know, that's what the radio said.
Jet Chicken's in the bathroom.
Hey, we got a customer here! - Again? - Yes, we have an actual customer.
Maybe you want to get the hell out of there.
- He's gonna be a while.
- Okay.
What's Jet Chicken like in private moments? You really want to know? Yeah, you know I do.
I'm a huge fan, man.
Well, uh, he's kind of paranoid.
He has an unhealthy obsession with food.
He gets angry at the drop of a hat and starts suing everyone in sight, but, you know, for the most part, he's a - Fat, lazy piece of [bleep] - Dang.
Hey, there he is Jet Chicken! Oh, so glad you're back, man.
If you expect me to sign autographs all afternoon in the hot sun, then I expect toilet tissues and scanted candles in my private toilet area! That's really fun, Jet Chicken, but, uh, hey, we got a fan here.
- Want my autograph? - Yeah, absolutely.
Can you make it out to "my biggest fan, Meatwad"? Oh, I'd love to, but we're only paid to sign until 4:00, and it's already 4:08, Jerry! - [Bleep] Jerry.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Where's that piece of [bleep].
- Oh, calm down.
Uh, he said he had to go to the bank.
[Bleep] spending his days at the bank.
You and I are out here signing autographs in a parking lot that's hotter than the surface of the [bleep] sun! Hey, you mind helping me pack up the inflatable here? - I'll help.
- No, him.
I want it to be him, all right? I got to do this myself every [bleep] time! Rocket Horse, I will help as soon as I get out of the bathroom.
You just went to the bathroom! I know, but I think all those soda refills really did a number on that gyro.
Why do you think I picked up the chili dog on the way home? Ugh, had to throw most of it out.
Greek special, my ass.
More like chili dogseseses Five of them, plus onion rings.
Guy's a pig.
Well, we've all been there.
No, no, no, no, no, you don't understand.
- This is him every day.
- Oh, fan! Fan, come to me at once! What you need, Jet Chicken? You want me to gobble for justice? No, I-I don't know what that is.
Listen, I need a wet vac in here.
This this thing's overflowing.
There's no wet vac out here, all right? Jerry didn't provide one.
[Bleep] Jerry.
Of course he didn't provide one.
- Fan.
- I'm here.
I've got a job for you when I get out of here.
Just tell me when.
Actually, come on in here.
I need help getting out of here.
All I need to do is slip on one of these things and break my elbow again.
Ring it again.
I don't think no one's home.
He's home.
His jeep's here.
Ring it again.
Maybe he's asleep.
How would you know? Are you in there? Oh, come on, lay off, Jet.
He's doing you a favor.
- Look, if he sees me on his - lawn waving a gun around, he's gonna pretend not to be home.
M-maybe you ought to hide better over there behind the bushes.
Oh, good idea, fan.
Maybe I ought to pull out ultra beak and show you how it works.
One peck to the brain, it's over! Okay, great, now he knows we're out here.
- Rocket Horse, kick the door in.
- You kick the door in! Oh, God, did someone see a bathroom around here? Ah, sunroof.
Well, looky, looky, looky.
Fancy with your big house in the suburbs.
Is this, like, the headquarters of some supervillain or something? Ooh.
Wait a minute.
Nope, not quite done yet.
It's the doctor who fouled up his gastric bypass.
Go ahead, tell him how the damn thing leaks every time I eat.
It's it's not.
This is what happens when you don't exercise and you order queso with everything.
Nuh-unh! It's genetics.
That's what happened.
My father was a large man.
I was cursed with his weight issues.
Whoa, hold now.
The comic book says, "he was born of chicken.
" No, I got the chicken powers from my mom.
What was she like, some sort of radioactive chicken? No, dumbass, I'd be dead if that were true! I'm getting a headache.
I don't know how nor do I give a [bleep] how I got the chicken powers! There's a rumor that his dad would sneak into barns and have sex with chickens.
- That is a bold-faced lie! - Well, I mean, how'd you get the jet part? - What jet part? - You know, Jet Chicken.
That's just branding.
Did you bring paper? Got the receipt from dinner, but I kind of need that 'cause you guys said you'd reimburse me.
- Thanks, bud.
- Aw, man.
I'm just gonna rub on the lawn.
Help me out of here.
- All right, on three.
- 1, 2 - No, d-d-don't grab there.
- 3! God, oh, you are fat! Cool, damp grass.
Come on out! Check out your fancy new chicken - skids! Oh, crap! Run! No, come back! Help me up first, stupid! Listen, man, I'm sorry you feel like I botched your operation, but the judge and the jury both agreed that I was drunk.
And you still pulled a gun on me and made me perform surgery on you because you didn't want to pay full price.
Put on your walking shoes.
It's time to plug that leak, doctor.
Aren't you gonna scrub or something? Look, I don't want this to go like the last time.
I want this deal professional.
Fine, but I will reiterate just so we're all clear, you do know that I am drunk.
I think we should, uh, reschedule this.
Right? Unh! - That was a bad idea, man.
- He was worthless to me.
Well, now he is.
You're going to perform the operation.
I'm not a doctor.
You're lying.
Scrub in.
- Is this a scalpel? - I don't know.
- You're the doctor.
- Yes, I am.
Suction complete.
Jet Chicken, wake up and take a look at the new you.
Come on, get up.
- He's dead.
- Oh, no.
Oh, yes, and I am free finally of that enormous tumor in my ass! What are we gonna do now? Self-defense.
You saw it.
So, now what are we gonna do? - Whee! Whoo! - Freedom! And then they rode the roller coaster into the night until the FBI and the CIA and Special Ops stopped the roller coaster 'cause they were wanted for questioning in the untimely, surgical death of Jet Chicken.
To be continued.
" I didn't hear any mention of them brushing for fibers.
- Yeah, I'm sure they did.
I mean - But it's not clear.
Well, I think that's implied.
Let me guess.
At the end, they all die, right? I mean, there's 12 books in the series, you know? - They don't die in the end of this one, certainly.
- Well, why don't they? I mean, I could make that change, I mean, if that's something you would like to see.
Or maybe just spit that out as an option.
You know, let me sleep on it.
We'll reconvene tomorrow.
Is this copyrighted, by the way? What is copyright? I said, go get me some coffee, right? So, go do it! Now I'm super late for this meeting I got.
Where are you going with Jet C that's golden-rod version! That's not supposed to leave the house! And then they check for forensics.
They find bigfoot hairs all around Jet Chicken's wound.
The milkshake character, well, he saves the day.
Wow, that's dope.
That's dope.
We love this.
There's a hip-hop element to this, right? Uh, I'm thinking more bluegrass-y 'cause, you know - Ugh! - Maybe a little seger.
Yeah, bluegrass is not gonna work for us.
See, we only like music that rhymes.
I don't know.
I mean, Jet Chicken and Rocket Horse are from The Backwoods of America.
Look, work with it or don't work with us.
Yeah, that's right Look what ninjas did When he kicked you down Threats then Jet Chicken's one bad mother Shut up, son You can't say that Let me tell you how the story goes Once upon a time, there was a farmer man Who had sex with a chicken and a jet Rocket horse is so badass But let me say it He's got a Glock 11, bigger than a MAC-10