Are We There Yet? (2010) s02e28 Episode Script

The Liar, Liar Episode

Hey, what's going on? I'm having a little problem.
What is it? [Sighs] I want to go to the junior prom with this guy, Kenny, but I don't know if he likes me.
Does he know you like him? No, I don't want him to know I like him unless I know he likes me first.
Well, why would he like you if he thinks you don't like him? He doesn't think I don't like him; he just doesn't know I do.
Besides, I've been giving him clues.
Like what? Like whenever I see him, I talk to Antoine.
So you like Antoine too? No, I just talk to him so Kenny doesn't think I care about him.
So wait.
If he doesn't think you care about him, why would he tell you he likes you? I didn't say I didn't care about him.
I just want him to wonder why I don't act like I do.
And then he's supposed to ask me why I always ignore him, and then I'll know he likes me.
Okay, look.
You are giving guys way too much credit, Lindsey, all right? We don't interpret.
If I see a girl acting flirty with a guy, I think, "hey, she likes him.
I think I'd better like somebody else.
" [Phone rings] - Is that Kenny? - No, it's Antoine.
He thinks I like him.
Now, where did he get that idea? Dad, I don't know what I'm going to do.
If Kenny doesn't ask me to go to the prom, I might have to go with Antoine.
- With a guy who likes you? - Yeah.
[Imitating] Oh, that would suck.
You're not funny.
I don't sound like that! Whatever.
Are we there yet? tell me, tell me, tell me tell me, are we there yet? [sighs] Thank you for paying, Gigi.
I suppose I should get used to it.
I mean, Suzanne, seriously, why can't I find someone who's right for me? Well, I'd like to tell you, but we have to go to work tomorrow, and I can't stay up all night talking to you.
Really? You mock me.
Now? Suzanne, I am almost a lot older than 28.
I thought by now, I wouldn't be going through this.
What is wrong with me, man? Gigi, listen.
You're beautiful.
You're smart.
But you've been going about this the same way for a long time.
Maybe you should try something different.
Like what? Try going to different places.
Or don't talk to the same type of guys.
Try a different look.
[Laughs] A different look? Great.
You know what? Thank you for the advice.
When I don't need help on something else, I'll call you! I mean, really.
A different look? Hey, babe.
How'd your business meeting go? Embarrassing.
Why? What happened? I want you to picture me at dinner with my big potential clients, and everything is going great.
Then the check comes, and I, of course, take out my credit card to pay the bill.
And it's denied.
What? Did the company run out of money or something? No, see, that's the thing.
I wasn't using the company credit card, because I forgot it at the office.
I was using our credit card.
Why would our credit card be denied? [Scoffs] You know, I was wondering the same thing, because I distinctly remember asking you if you had paid the credit card bill.
Do you remember that? Yeah.
Do you recall saying that you had mailed it? Yes.
When did you mail it? Did you mail it when I asked you to mail it? Did you mail it when you said you mailed it? Or was it another day? Uh Maybe it was another day.
So you lied, and I end up embarrassed! No, I didn't lie.
I paid the bill Just not when I said I did.
I call that lying.
I call that forgetting, just like when you forgot the company card.
When I remembered, I mailed it.
Two days after you said you mailed it! Nick, you lied to me, and I don't like lies! Oh, wait a minute.
I don't pay a bill because I forgot, and now I'm a liar? Call it what you want.
I'd rather you be honest with me.
That is all I'm trying to say! Oh, okay.
You want to be honest.
All the time.
About everything.
Yes! No, you don't.
Yes, I do.
See, but what your pretty little face doesn't realize is that I lie to you all the time.
Oh, do you? Yup.
About what? Remember last week when you woke me up and I told you I was too sleepy? Yeah? You had morning breath.
And I had a choice, and I chose sleep.
Why didn't you just tell me that? Because you like to believe that your whittle breath never smells.
And it does.
You know, from now on, you want the truth? You got it.
I just hope you can deal with it, sweetheart.
Oh, I can deal with it.
How about this? For the next week, everybody tells the truth about everything, period.
- Period? - Period.
So do we have to tell the truth everywhere or just in the house? Everywhere.
I can't just go around telling everybody what I think.
I'll have no friends.
If you can't be honest with people, maybe you shouldn't call them your friends.
Oh, okay, I'll just tell them that.
So whatever I say has to be the truth? Yes.
Okay, so what if I said I was going to lie for the next week? I mean, as long as I did, I'd be telling the truth, even when I'm lying.
That's not exactly what we were looking for.
Okay, so I'll only tell lies when I'm not telling the truth.
And that's the truth.
Kevin, cooperate.
Okay, I will.
Are you lying? No, I'm telling the truth.
Okay, well, that's it, then.
From here on out, we tell the truth.
Come on, man.
With all the women you juggle, you mean to tell me you don't tell the occasional lie? Generally speaking, I think it's best to be straight up with a woman.
She's going to love you.
She's going to hate you.
But you will not be confused.
Yeah, you'll know exactly who's pouring bleach on your clothes.
Ah! [Laughs] Ugh! Hey, man, congrats on the Terrell Morgan interview.
Oh, thanks.
You know, everybody swears that guy's going to be the next Lebron James.
Didn't the NBA ban players coming straight out of High School? He spent a year in community college.
So how'd you beat out the big boys? Well, if I were lying, I would say it was because he loves my show.
But actually he hates the guys on the other networks because they think he's overrated.
Ah, you got him on the rebound.
I can't tell you how many hot chicks I've dated because some guy hates them.
And I'm like, "I don't know what his problem is.
I think you're great.
" The thing is, I think the other guys are right.
Look, he's got scoring titles and good solo stats, but he's just always been the best thing on a bunch of crappy teams.
That does not make you a winner.
Just 'cause you don't win doesn't mean you're not a winner.
[Scoffs] Yes, it does.
Look, man, I don't know how they did it on your T ball team, but in real sports, winning makes you a winner.
Look, the nba does not give trophies for "most enthusiastic.
" [Sadly] Neither does T ball.
So how are you going to interview this guy if you think he's making a huge mistake? Well, look, I'm just there to ask the questions, man.
Look, nobody cares what I think.
They care what he thinks.
Now, what do you think? You don't what to know what I think, creflo dollar.
Good morning.
Good morning Gigi! You're blonde! I know! I know! I thought a lot about what you said, so I'm trying something different.
What do you think? Do you like? - Do I like it? - Uhhuh.
Girl, please! Do I like it? Look at that! Keri Hilson better watch out.
Oh, do you think it looks natural? - Do I think it looks natural? - Yeah.
You need to stop asking me these questions.
Doesn't it? I thought it did too.
- Hey, Gigi.
- Hey.
- I like your hair.
- Thank you, Kevin.
So so when I said you should try something different, you know, I didn't think that you would embrace it like this.
- All the way.
- Oh, wow.
You know what, Gigi? This might be the best I've ever seen you look.
Boy! You just full of compliments.
Thank you! And I have you, you to thank, Suzanne.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
- Oh, yeah.
No, because because, you know, I think you need to take some credit for yourself, because going blonde was your idea.
And and I think people should know that.
Hey, Nick! Hey, Gigi.
So my hair.
Do you like it? What? My hair.
What do you think Shh! [Screams] - You hear that? - What? You hear that? Hey, mom.
Whoa, a little heavy on the makeup this morning? Lindsey, just because you're supposed to be telling the truth doesn't mean you should tell me the truth about something I didn't ask.
I'm sorry, I'm just trying to experience telling the truth in all its forms.
Yesterday when Antoine asked me to the dance, I told him the truth, that I really wanted to go with Kenny.
What did he say? He said if I go with him, he'll rent out a limo.
So you're going to go to the dance with a boy you're not interested in because he's bribing you with a limo.
No, I just want to see what Kenny comes up with when I tell him what Antoine is doing.
Lindsey, that's very manipulative.
But honest.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Good morning, babe.
Good morning, honey.
How'd you sleep? Oh, not so well.
First of all, you were snoring, and it sounded like you were having another wild dream about Idris Elba.
You know I hate him, right? Well, I'm sorry, honey.
I like him.
So I guess I'll have to watch his movies when you're not around.
Great, thanks.
What are you making for dinner tonight? Mm! I am making my world-famous chili.
"Ooh" what? Well, baby, your chili wouldn't be world famous even if it made a sex tape.
Nick, that is the first thing that I ever cooked for you.
I know, and I love you, and I didn't want to hurt your feelings, so I ate it.
But since then, any time I could ever talk you out of making it, I have.
What exactly is wrong with it? Well, it's too hot, and it's really bland.
It's too greasy, and you put way too many beans in it.
I won't make my chili.
Thank you.
Bang! Let's see what you know how to make.
Good morning.
[Laughs] Different, right? Yes, that on you, that is different.
Yes, I am adopting the Suzanne Kingston-persons style.
So you think that's what I look like.
Okay, Gigi, I don't know what you think I was trying to say to you Oh, no, no, I heard you loud and clear, and I just I want to thank you for being such a good friend and for being honest.
I mean, if there's one person I can count on to tell me the truth, it's you, so thank you.
Okay, Gigi, I've been thinking about your hair Oh! I almost forgot.
Blonde, it's working for me.
I met a guy.
- Where? - Around the corner.
We had coffee.
You hate having coffee.
Because you know who loves having coffee? - No.
- Bankers.
And bankers, as luck would have it, love me.
Oh, my God, he's a loan officer, and, Suzanne, I got to tell you, he is nothing like any of the guys I've ever gone out with.
So what's his name? - Bert.
- Bert? Bert.
As in Ernie and? Bert.
[Laughs] I mean, can you picture me with a Bert? - No.
- Me either.
But he's honest, and he's nice, and I like it.
Oh, and he wants me to come to his office so he can look up my F.
That sounds really nice.
It does.
What's a F.
? - Hey, babe.
- Hi.
I thought you weren't going to cook.
I was going to order out.
Well, the truth is, I didn't want you to order out.
That would have made me mad.
I wanted you to cook so I could hate your food.
But instead of being mad, I decided that I would revisit the chili recipe.
You know, I want you to like my food, so I will work to make it better.
Okay! Maybe you can handle a little honesty.
[Both arguing] - I didn't do anything.
- You pushed No, you hit me.
I did not.
Hey, guys, how was school? It was awesome, okay? I mean, if I could go to school every single day for the rest of my life, I would.
And I would have my English teacher for every single class, because I like her.
Kevin, what happened? I got sent to the principal's office because she thought I was being sarcastic.
Were you? No! Mom, dad, can you guys pay attention to me now? Sure, honey.
Guess what.
Kenny asked me to the dance.
Oh, that's great news.
Did you finally tell him you liked him? No, I told him that Antoine liked me, and then he asked me if I liked Antoine, and I said not really but that he was renting a limo with his friends.
And then he said I shouldn't be going out with him just because he'd be spending money, and then I said, "what difference does it make to you?" And then he said Wait for it He likes you.
Bam! And then he said if I go with him, he'll rent out a limo just for the two of us.
So great.
Did you tell him yes? I told him maybe because he waited so late.
Lindsey, you can't play with people like that.
I'm just being honest.
That's what you told me to do.
"G" morning.
Good morning.
Wow, that's different.
Yes, yes, it is.
And you know who loves it? Bert.
All right, listen, Gigi, we need to talk.
Oh, good, let's talk in the car.
Ooh, one more thing.
I told Bert it was okay to meet us here so he can ride with us.
He doesn't have a car? No, he's green.
- Green.
- Yes! And the hits just keep on coming: Green, blonde, me, love it! [Doorbell rings] Okay.
[Squealing nonsense] Suzanne, Bert.
Bert, Suzanne.
It's nice to meet you, Bert.
Thanks for letting me carpool with you.
I got to say, there's nothing sexier than two ladies trying to decrease their carbon footprint.
That is a compliment.
- I see you drive a Prius.
- Yeah.
Very impressive.
Very impressive.
Don't get me started on this one.
Ooh! Hotter than greenhouse gases.
I'm going to go charge my calculator.
[Laughs] Solar.
[Shrieks] Okay.
Um, meet us out there, okay? Bye.
Carbon footprint.
You got to love it! You are not serious.
When? Okay, okay.
Call him, and tell him that that's not true, and call me back.
[Sighs] Hey, sweetheart.
Is everything okay? No, Kenny talked to Antoine and told him the only reason why I was going to the dance with him was because he was renting a limo and that I didn't like him.
And then Antoine asked Kenny if I didn't like him, how come I was always with him? And then Kenny told Antoine it was because I thought he didn't like me and he did and he told me that and then he asked me out and I said I'd think about it.
And if I really liked Antoine, how come I had to think about it? And then Antoine told Kenny that I was just using him, - and then they both - Okay, Lindsey! - What? - What happened in the end? Neither one of them wants to go to the dance with me.
Well, Lindsey, I'm sorry, but I warned you.
This is all your fault.
Really? I'm not the one who wanted to tell the truth to everybody.
I was fine.
That was your idea.
So now my life sucks.
Thanks, mom.
Dinner will be ready in a little while.
I'm not eating.
Sorry, mom.
Nobody likes your chili.
So, Terrell, how many people right now know your decision? Terrell knows the decision.
[Clears throat] Oh, yeah, yeah.
And Terrell's mama knows Terrell's decision.
Well, you are coming off a great season.
You lead the nation in assists, steals, three point scoring.
[Clears throat] But you also have the record for most turnovers, technical fouls, and you're only shooting 38% from the field.
What does Nick Kingston-persons think Terrell should do, Nick Kingston-persons? Uh Terrell, look.
Nobody wants to know what I think, all right? This is your decision.
Ah, see, Terrell knows, Nick Kingston-persons.
And the truth is, the only reason Terrell came on this program is 'cause Terrell's not really sure what Terrell should do.
Should Terrell make millions now and stay at an eighth grade reading level the rest of Terrell's life? Or should Terrell learn how to read and see if Terrell can make tens of millions of dollars doing that? Well, it doesn't necessarily have to be just those two things.
Terrell's allegedly got three teams telling Terrell he should go pro, and there are hundreds of millions of dollars on the line.
And everybody wants to know what Terrell should do.
So, Nick Kingston-persons, tell the truth.
I don't think you should go pro.
I think you're not ready.
I think you're immature, and, most importantly, Nick Kingston-persons thinks Terrell needs to stop talking about himself in the third person.
Well, you know what, Nick Kingston-persons? I agree with you.
And that is my choice.
I'm going to stay in school! I'm gonna learn how to ready, baby! No, no, no, no, no, baby.
No, reading's for suckers.
Nick Kingston-persons.
Is Nick Kingston-persons going to buy Terrell's mother a 15,000 square foot house in Miami? Ma, listen, listen.
H I J K.
LMNOP Nick Kingston-persons, are you Wow, look at that one.
Well, at least the death threats have stopped.
And now the responses to my interview are 3:1 in my favor.
Babe, I thought you weren't going to give your opinion.
I wasn't.
But I didn't want to be the one to break our pledge.
And I love you for that.
[Doorbell rings] I hope it's not Terrell's mother.
Hey, guys.
Gigi, what are you doing here? Well, I was about to go out, and I wanted to borrow some flats.
You're going out in flats? Crazy, right? But it is working for me.
Hey, Nick! You didn't tell me what you think about my hair.
- I didn't? - No.
Oh, I don't know.
I mean, you know, what do I know about these things? I'm just a guy.
Uh, what do you think about it, Suzanne? Suzanne loves it.
- She loves it.
- Mm hmm.
You told Gigi you love her hair? Yes, she loves it.
Okay, look, Gigi.
Our family made a vow to only tell the truth in this house, so I'm not going to lie.
You look terrible.
[Gasps] I do not look terrible! Suzanne, tell him I do not look terrible.
I can't.
Why? Because you do.
[Gasps] Can I go now? Don't you move.
So you hate my hair, huh? What else haven't you been telling me? What? What? What about Bert? Do you hate him? Yes.
Suz He loves me.
- Gigi.
- What? He is a loan officer at the bank, and he takes the bus to work.
You have a man with no car? I was trying something different! Did you start by getting hit in the head with a brick? Suzanne, you lied to me.
No, I didn't.
I just didn't tell you the truth.
What's the difference? Thank you! Stay out of it! Gigi, where are you going? I am going to break up with Bert and go to a wig store.
- Gigi? - What.
Make sure you go to the wig store first.
- Gigi, one more thing.
- What? I do not dress like that.