Arrested Development s05e09 Episode Script

Unexpected Company

1 [RON HOWARD] While waiting for Michael to return from prison with Buster, the Bluth family was recycling a welcome home party.
Why do we have to have a party every time someone in this family - is released from prison? - Tradition.
- Some traditions get old.
- [SIGHS] Like that god-awful thing you used to make me do on your birthday.
Cook? Plus, we have some business problems to deal with.
Sally Sitwell won the election and now, for whatever reason, supports building the wall.
We need to come up with two million dollars - or we're gonna make powerful enemies.
- Okay.
- Right, shush.
- [DOOR CLOSES] Not in front of the grandkids.
I don't want them to know about the shady business scams - that go on in this family.
- We lied to investors, so we have no product and we're two million dollars in debt.
The next welcome home party's gonna be for us.
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
My name isn't on anything.
Why are you so riled up all of a sudden? [RON] He was nervous because after his girlfriend invested in his non-existent business, everybody needs a bail-out The pressures of his lie only grew worse.
- a date with a sexy man.
- What? I thought - I was taking you out tonight.
- [REBEL] Oh, relax, you're fine.
Know what? I've never been attracted to handsome men.
- Ah.
- Fakeblock is gonna change the world.
Which reminds me, I'm dying to see it.
No, I know, it's We've just been busy with all our coding and all the goddamn [CHUCKLES] coding and, um also programming, so it's ju But as soon as it's up and running, we'll we'll get you over there and No.
As a part-owner, I want to see it while all the work is happening, and I'm not gonna take no for an answer.
Well, but, - the coding, and - [MAEBY] Well, problem solved.
Stick her with all of it.
Let her buy it.
She'll get all our liabilities, and then anything over two million, we get to keep.
I can't do that to someone that I have feelings for.
So stop having feelings for her.
What? Is that something you can do with people? Yeah, once I learned how to do it with my parents, it was easy with everyone else.
It's like a heart switch, you know? Click.
I love you.
I love you not.
I love you.
I love you not.
Can't you do that? No, but in my defense, I'm not a sociopath.
[RON] On the other side of the room, however, Gob still had a very uncomfortable "heart on" for his friend Tony.
- Who had recently disappeared.
- He's alive.
He got out.
[JOHN, ON TV] It seems the Christian-y fellow Definitely got out, right? is now a gay man and, by the looks of things, - he'll be staying that way.
- Why wouldn't he come out? Oh, who knows what makes a guy think he can pass for straight? I mean, if he really is gay, he can try to hide it, but trust me, it will come out in the most unexpected balls.
Yeah, but the problem is that now the world thinks that I'm gay, and if I say it was a trick, well, then the alliance will have me by the balls.
Uh [LAUGHS] Excuse me, "balls"? You realize you just said "balls"? [CHUCKLES] - But you said balls.
- [CHUCKLING] Oh, well that's three times I'm hearing balls now.
I put You said balls, so Then I said balls Why don't you tell Rebel she can't see the company? Then she's gonna know I'm not a tech entrepreneur named George Maharis.
- And I'm the sociopath.
- [GOB] Both of our hands - were all over - What if I take her there, but it's locked, and I can't wait to eat this snow cone.
- Lovely party.
- Yeah, it is a great party.
What if I take her there, but it's locked and we can't get in? That's the sign of a healthy business.
It's closed in the middle of a Tuesday, - and the owner's locked out.
- [JOHN BEARD] Of course, these are paid protestors that the magicians hired.
Not real protestors, but that's kind of the norm now, isn't it? What if she's afraid to go in? 'Cause there's angry protesters out front? - Who would protest a tech company? - Anonymous.
- What's that? - You don't know Anonymous? They're those hacker guys that wear those Guy Fawkes masks? Oh, shit.
That's who the note was from.
[RON] George Michael had first seen the name Anonymous when debuting his software [GEORGE MICHAEL] Uh, I'd like to thank [RON] which he thought was code - from Rebel.
- Let's put up this wall.
- Have a good night.
- [RON] Having paid little attention to the men in the Guy Fawkes masks.
- Men who continued to harass him.
- [GEORGE MICHAEL] Okay, so, for scenario number two.
You found out [MAN, DISTORTED] We'll find you and destroy Fakeblock.
You can hide behind your mask like a coward, but I will Oh, well, that's a bad example, obviously [WOMAN] David, you want Pop-Tarts for dinner? [MAN] Mom, don't say my name! [RON] But Anonymous failed to be specific enough - to make an impression.
- [MAN] I understand you've ignored my cousin Kevin's - I mean, Anonymous' other warning - Hello.
They've been threatening me for months.
Hey, that's perfect.
Those guys will ruin your life.
- Hey, where did you find those guys? - They're paid protestors, boy! [CHUCKLING] Gay Gob's funny.
Uh, do you think they could be Anonymous? Like Guy Fawkeses? Guy Fawkeses? [GEORGE MICHAEL] Can you get me guys like that? You bet your balls I can get you some Guy Fawkeses.
[TOBIAS LAUGHS] Don't hold your balls.
I would not hold my balls on that one.
- [RON] And finally, Michael returned - Where's Buster? - without the guest of honor.
- Don't you have him? No.
I went to the jail to pick him up, and no one there has seen him since the parade.
Now, you did let him know he was being released, right? [LUCILLE] Well, I'm sure they told him at the jail after the parade.
Mother Bluth, I think you might be interested in this.
[JONI] Oh, speaking of maniacs, let's watch this again.
That's a real criminal inside that makeshift jail cell.
- It's a jailbreak.
- [JOHN] You know, it's my Is that Oscar? Well, it's not you! Who even told Oscar Buster was in jail? [RON] Oscar was told by Barry, who had driven down to Mexico - and thought he was talking to George.
- You are here! I came down here to warn you that the cops want you to lead them to the stair car, because that's the evidence that's gonna keep Buster in jail.
Buster's in jail? My boy.
My boy.
[RON] And so, Oscar used the parade as cover for breaking Buster out of prison, knocking Stan Sitwell out in the process.
Dad? Dad! [MICHAEL] So they escaped from prison a half hour before he was gonna be legally released? - [LUCILLE] No one told him.
- He's got a lot of spunk.
I like that on a guy.
If Oscar is with Buster, then where is Lucille 2? I mean, she could be dead, and Buster will be charged with murder.
Or worse, she could come back, and they would charge us with embezzlement.
Buster thinks he's broken out of prison.
God knows what he's gonna do.
Well, somebody has to find him.
You're the cause of it, and he does respond - to your scent.
- I'll go with you, and we will find our son together, and perhaps we will find each other along the way.
Why don't you find some money along the way to make up for the land you lost in Mexico? Father, Mother, please.
Our whole family is in crisis.
For I have seen what happens when families turn on each other.
Just as I found my son, I lost him.
And just as I lost my wife, I I found my replacement wife, but then I I lost her.
[CRYING] I I have nobody.
Well, you got me, Dad.
Not now, Maeby.
I have what? Like, one person.
[RON] Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything, and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together.
[THEME SONG PLAYING] It's Arrested Development.
George Sr.
had again been rejected by his wife.
And, feeling low, he decided to get his affairs in order.
you're trying to keep your distance from the company, and I appreciate that, but you are the copresident with Gob.
Well, hang on.
President? When did I become president? Well, I mean, Sudden Valley.
I mean, that's yours.
- I mean, we're carrying that for you.
- You forgave the debt.
We forgot the debt.
Basically, what we did was we absorbed everything, including you.
And does Gob know that we're copresidents? [GEORGE SR.
] Gob doesn't know that there's a B - in the word "debt.
" - If you're gonna run the Bluth Company, - that word's gonna come up.
- Go into the company, you look at the books, you get in there, you find out if there's any money.
I need an evaluation.
Yeah, that's an understatement.
All right.
You know I'd really like to be involved, but I can't risk being involved in anything - that might be illegal.
- Agreed.
- That's what Gob is for.
- Boy, I was really hoping you were gonna say there's nothing illegal.
It's the last thing you'll ever need to do for me.
[ACOUSTIC GUITAR PLAYS] - You heard a yes? - [GEORGE SR.
] Thank you.
- [RON] Meanwhile, Tobias - Kudos on being so quiet.
checked in with the family who hadn't abandoned him, but were hiding in the attic.
I've got slices of stale gummy bear, hard candies and a spare rib.
- Ooh, I'll take that spare rib.
- Could I have the spare rib? Just joshing.
It's stale gummy bear.
Oh Sounded like you were having fun down there.
[SIGHS] It takes a lot out of me, but they like to look at me as the sticky white glue that holds the family together.
But now you're my family.
My biological son and my pathological girlfriend.
And as the provider of this family, I promise nay, vow that you will always have a roof over Ow! - Dad, are you okay? - Roof balls! Jesus, quiet.
- You're gonna get us kicked out.
- Sorry.
[WHISPERING] Okay, I just think we're all a little stressed right now, being stuck in this attic.
Are you sure we can't just live downstairs in the real house? Oh, this isn't a real house.
This is a model house.
[MURPHYBROWN] How long do we have to stay here? Just until I can support us on my actor salary.
You can be excited, but quietly.
[GASPING, WHIMPERING] Oh, no [WHIMPERS] [RON] Meanwhile, Oscar, who was on the run with his son, knew that he had to get rid of a vehicle that approximated the very one the police were looking for.
[OSCAR] Well, I know I left my truck somewhere around here.
All right, I guess we should get out.
[BUSTER] I probably shouldn't have chained us together.
[OSCAR] No, no, I should've brought a key, but actually, I think it helps sell the whole Keystone Cop thing, because it had - to be something crazy.
- [LAUGHS] Because, you know, in silent movies, it's not real life.
- No.
- All right.
So what do you think? Ready? - Mm-hmm, okay.
let's go.
- All right.
Here we go.
I guess stuff does happen like this in real life.
- Can you Easy peasy.
- Go out your side.
- [BUSTER] Easy peasy.
- [HORN HONKS] Well, that wasn't so difficult.
- [OSCAR] No.
- Or funny.
Keystone Cops would've made a meal out of this.
- Yeah.
- Okay, all right.
Watch your hand.
- Are you okay? - [SHRIEKS] Wait a minute.
It's a fake hand.
How can it hurt? No, it's a rental from prison, and Mother said my next hand - All right.
- is gonna be out of my own pocket Okay, wait.
What's that over there? It says Mother of God hospital.
Maybe we can get you a replacement.
But first, we gotta get out of these prison clothes.
- All right.
- Okay.
Here's the deal.
We need a walking system - so we don't just trip over each other.
- Yeah.
- Left, right.
Left, right.
- Okay.
So we always start with left.
Smooth and easy.
Lemon squeezy.
And [BOTH] left [RON] It wasn't a good system.
But Oscar wasn't the only twin that was down, because as Michael headed out to keep the company alive he realized he'd need to do the same for its founder.
What are you doing with the hose? Wha No, I didn't know it was on.
I mean, I would never purposefully run a car with the garage door closed with the family in crisis.
You know, Dad, - this is an electric car.
- Oh.
So, the only thing you're killing is my battery.
Is that funny? I Oh, God, I can't get anything right.
Meanwhile, your mother is banging every beach rat that ever dropped out of a race.
[RON] George was referring to this man [LUCILLE] Oh, hi.
Care to join me for a glass of breakfast wine? with whom Lucille found she had much in common.
[MAN] Dusty! [GEORGE SR.
] I mean, she wouldn't go out with me this afternoon, - and I know it's because of him.
- [MICHAEL] Dad, I think you might be giving up, uh, a little too easy.
You know? I mean, Mom loves you.
She's just mad at you.
You cheated on her.
Or Uncle Oscar did, I don't know.
I lost the thread on that one, but she's probably just trying to make you jealous, and so You're the head of the family, - give her something that she wants.
- Wha Are you saying that I should go find Buster? Show her you're a good dad.
You know, besides, he's gonna need to be found and told he's free before he does something illegal and ends up back in prison.
- Ah.
Maybe Lucille will - You know? Uh-huh.
I don't know, let me back in.
[EXHALES] Boy, you have to have balls of steel to survive in a hole like that.
And the same could be said for prison.
[RON] And soon, Michael was going over the books in what Gob had turned into the conference room.
"Joni Beard, Media Consultant.
" 20K? What's that? K means thousand.
[CHUCKLES] Can you believe Adhir just expected me to know that? [LAUGHS] I must've told him K times, "You gotta help me with these things.
" I used to train dogs, so I'm very patient.
And $10,000 for a printer? - 10K.
- Good Gob.
Good K.
And to be fair, it's a It was a 3-D printer.
Why do we need a 3-D printer? Well, to be fair, it's a 3-D dental printer.
But they're worth twice what I got them to leave them here for.
They must've been too slow for them, but I thought, what do we care if it takes two and a half hours to print some molars? Can you just get me a copy of the receipt? Hey, you want to spend a couple hundred bucks on a 3-D receipt, I'll have it printed and in your mouth before sunset.
These are your purchases.
- Where are you getting your capital? - [GOB] Capital money.
[QUIETLY] Thank you.
[ADHIR] I have all the books here.
Coming through.
Including the ones Gob can't look at.
Do you want the Austero-Bluth or just the Bluth books? Well, I can only look at the Bluth books.
The Austero books are for British eyes only, as they say.
- [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] - [WOMAN] For British eyes only Okay.
Uh, well, as copresident, - I can look at the books that he can't.
- [ADHIR] All right.
I'm sorry I don't understand what No, I ju Michael, if, look, I'm the copresident, okay? There's only room at this company for one copresident.
What's next? You're gonna want one of my parking spaces, Michael? I didn't know that I was copresident myself.
All right? I'm just here to help.
I'm not going to trump you.
Oh, well, Michael, don't worry, 'cause I already went there.
Balls in the air [GOB] Saturday and Sunday semester.
Best 17K Mom and Dad ever spent.
Anyway, I don't know why I'm not allowed to look at the Austero books, but, uh, Mom does allow me to make purchases from that account.
Let me get this straight.
You're only allowed to spend money from the Austero account.
Why are all the revenue from these investments only showing up in the Bluth books? Would you be terribly offended if I offered you a candy? I don't think Dad wanted me to see this.
I don't, either.
And your mother has my passport, so why don't we say that I was never here? An absolute professional pleasure to have met you.
You know, I think that they had a plan that they were sure would work, but now they need to get out, and that's why he wants an evaluation of all the assets.
- Good to see you.
- [ADHIR] You're doing great.
Yeah, he wants to find out what he can sell off.
And you know, since you're copresident, your name's all over this.
That means that whatever trouble Dad is responsible for, you are also responsible for.
So you're telling me that Dad thinks I'm responsible.
Maybe it's time to show them you are responsible.
- [GOB] Yeah.
- That you're not looking for some reward for doing the right thing.
- Or any reward.
Oh, thanks, buddy.
They think I'm too stupid to Help yourself.
You know what's funny? They think that I'm too stup [CHOKING] - I already had one in there, so - We got to face facts.
They're stuck.
These stick.
They're stickers Knowing what we know, we are complicit, - which leaves us open to to liability.
- [WHIRS] You know, the easy choice would be to quit.
- [GOB] There it is.
- We've got an opportunity to save the company.
That would not be easy.
That that would take sacrifice.
Maybe even burning the well, midweek oil.
I quit.
I shouldn't have called it the easy choice.
[RON] And Oscar and Buster found their way to the hospital, having improved upon their left-right walking system.
[OSCAR AND BUSTER] Outside, inside, outside, inside Now, we cannot draw attention to ourselves.
- I'm just a guy fixing a broken hand.
- [OSCAR] Right.
And I'm I'm just a guy who's wearing a blue hat.
Nothing to see here, folks.
Nothing to see.
[WHIMPERS] - [OSCAR] Hey! - [BUSTER GROANS] [RON] But soon, they found the prosthetics lab.
Oh, I'm like a kid in a candy shop.
No way.
I think I saw William Shatner wearing this - while riding a bicycle once.
- Yeah.
Why don't you try this one? This one.
- This one? - Yeah.
- I think this is used for teaching.
- Doesn't matter.
Who cares? [BUSTER] It sort of reminds me of Mother's hand, except it's less veiny, and warmer.
All right.
All right, you ready? [RON] Meanwhile, Gob was preparing to walk out of a job he'd put over eight hours of his life into.
[GOB] This is just as tough for you as it is for me.
Tougher, maybe.
Man without a king.
I'm gonna miss this view.
Rite Aid roof as far as you can see.
[ADHIR] Okay, yes, well, anyway, why don't we go over some expenses? Yes, yes, thank you for reminding me.
I, um [CLEARS THROAT] I told some paid protesters that we use that, um, they could bill us.
You know, it's for my nephew.
Um They're gonna be buying some masks as well, so They're Guy Fawkeses.
So those are personal expenses.
No, I just told you, they're for my nephew.
D Got it.
I'll let Michael know they're non-business related.
[GOB] Don't worry about Michael.
He should've thought of that before he fired me.
Probably for being gay, too.
You do know that Michael didn't fire you, you quit.
As any proud gay man would do in the face of such bigotry.
But I guess I don't need to tell that to a little Indian guy, huh? Michael's not your friend either.
You should've seen the look on his face when I do my impression of you.
You know [INDIAN ACCENT] What's the problem with Apu? Just one more thing before I have security drag you out.
Why are you claiming that the closet conversion company was a religious write-off? Because I went there to become straight.
I thought it was one of those Christian places that converts gay men and is, uh Now the sole province of extreme fundamentalist Christian derangement.
Oh, you're just mad 'cause you can't have a hamburger.
But, yes.
Those places don't work.
There's no such thing as a program that can change someone.
It's a way for hypocrites to try to convince the world that they're now straight.
[GOB] Without using magic.
So I just tell the world that I'm gay, and that I'm going to one of those? And then I come out straight.
Mm, well, if you really do identify as a gay man, I would say going to a place like that will only make you miserable.
So, shall I arrange an Uber for you? I didn't understand a word you just said, little guy.
[RON] But George Michael, meanwhile, was worried that his uncle had failed to set up the protesters.
You know Betty White has this same car? - You know Betty White? - We share a weed dealer.
Oh, shoot, not again.
My tech guys think that I've been hacked by Anonymous.
I don't mean the alkies, I mean the, uh, the guys who wear the creepy masks, hang out online.
The Guy Fawkeses.
Really? That sounded like you.
Think so? God, they can even do that now.
Well, all the more reason to not get you mixed up in all this.
You know, online hacking I can deal with, it's just the day that they show up in person that I'm dreading.
But you can't live in fear, so let's go.
Whatever happens, happens.
[RON] But two other Bluths were living in fear, and perhaps that's why they soon found themselves entangled - with an old friend - [STAN YELPS] [BUSTER] Oh, that hurt.
[RON] whom they soon recognized.
I'm sorry, sir.
Are you Stan Sitwell? [RON] Who was immediately fearful.
Oh, my God, George Bluth.
I'm not George Bluth.
[WHISPERS] Act like we're strangers.
- Yeah.
- Please don't hurt me.
I don't want any trouble.
I'm getting out of here today.
Oh, I know how you feel.
I broke out of prison today.
[OSCAR] Hey, uh, Stan? Could we stay at your place? You're taking me as a hostage in case the cops see us? Hey, guy, I wouldn't know about that.
- We can pretend we're cousins.
- Cousins? - [LAUGHING] - [OSCAR] Yes.
Yeah, Cousin Stan, let's walk, okay? Inside, outside, inside, outside Right behind you, cousin-father.
- [GRUNTS, MOANS] - [OSCAR AND STAN LAUGHING] [RON] And George Michael arrived at Fakeblock, ready to act afraid of the Guy Fawkeses.
- [MAN 1] When do we want it? - [MAN 2] Stop tracking us! - [MAN 3] Make a chain! - [GEORGE MICHAEL] This is all on me.
- [MAN 4] We're still protesting! - [REBEL] Oh.
You hired a bunch of foxy guys to protest me because I said I hated hot guys.
[LAUGHS] "Rebel.
" "Unfair.
" - I was reading that as rebel.
- [MAN 5] Oh, my God, - it's Rebel Alley.
We love you.
- [MAN 6] Oh.
Yes, I went as you for Halloween last year.
- Can we get a picture? - [MAN 4] Do you mind? Dangerous Cousins is my favorite movie.
- Mine t - [MAN 5] I will.
I want to see everything else you've got inside.
Come on.
Might not be anybody in there.
They wouldn't have crossed the picket lines.
Oh, well, you never know with nerds.
Come on.
[GEORGE MICHAEL] If you want to see a big empty room, we'll take a look, but uh, just I just know my guys.
[RON] But George Michael was in for another surprise.
[REBEL] Oh, my goodness.
Fakeblock is so impressive.
- Yeah.
- I mean, Fakeblock's incredible.
- Fakeblock is - Yeah, Fakeblock is real.
[REBEL CHUCKLES] It's my place.
[RON] And back at the cottage, Lucille was in for a surprise as well.
Lucille, my lady, my love.
Do you remember our first date, at that little Italian restaurant? Do you remember what I said to you? "How did I ever find you?" How did I ever find you? You took me for Chinese.
The Italian place was the first time I caught you with your secretary, and you asked, "How did you ever find me?" How did you ever find me? That's it.
All right.
Get out.
Go back to the Macaroni Grill.
I, uh, also brought you some leftovers.
I'm busy, George.
What do you want? I want you, Lucille.
In what way, George? Sexually? Yes.
Look, here's the deal.
[CHUCKLES] - I can't get hard.
I - Live without me.
It's really getting hard, uh, to live without you.
We really need each other right now, because Buster is on the lam.
His first prison break.
I remember when he just started talking.
He better not have started talking.
No, I meant originally.
Like, when he was three.
- Five.
- Five.
He didn't say a word until we fired the wet nurse.
He didn't stop talking about that for three years.
- Until we caved.
- You see, this is the stuff.
That makes life worth living? I was actually gonna say that we should keep from the DA, but can you tell me why life is worth living again? See, that's just it.
I'm trying to have some kind of a life.
With Dustin Radler, the beach rat.
What's the deal? You in love with this guy? - We're having fun, George.
- [CHUCKLES] Because he's fun.
He loves music, he plays me songs on the guitar.
You know, hey, I just brought the assistant manager of the Macaroni Grill over here during his lunch shift.
It set me back a sawbuck.
It's a third of what you are giving me to live off these days.
Yeah, that's another thing Dusty doesn't complain about, his allowance.
You give him an allowance? He doesn't get one.
He's very wealthy.
He made a lot of money in his law career.
And he's fun.
He surfs.
- He does things.
He's alive, George.
- [LAUGHS] I'm alive.
Only because Michael drives an electric car.
Trust me, the whole "trying to kill yourself" thing, turn off.
I think I need to show you that I am a fun guy who likes to laugh and is open to not killing himself.
I don't call it that, I call it "a cry for help," but I think help has just arrived and it's saying, - "Cry for fun!" - Don't cry at all.
Don't cry.
Don't die.
And have some fun.
[LAUGHING] Wow, thank you.
Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna go to the beach now.
I'm gonna have a ball! I don't know what's going on, but I feel like a 55-year-old.
Well, so do I.
And he's showing up to take me out for dinner later, so I need to get ready.
Well don't cry.
Don't die.
And have some fun.
Hurt people, hurt people.
[RON] On the next Arrested Development George Sr.
, hoping his wife is watching, - goes to the beach to have fun.
- Hello.
I would like an hour on the funnest thing you have.
We got a tandem bike.
Unless you're alone, then it's the saddest thing.
Uh, second-funnest thing you have.
We got the ball.
[RON] And soon, finds himself having a ball.
Don't cry, don't die.
Don't cry, don't die.
Help me.
Don't die! [CRIES] Don't cry, don't die.
[MAN] It sounds like he said, "Don't help me.
" - I heard, "Help me die.
] Excuse me! Either way, it looks like he's having fun.
] I'm gonna die.
- [WOMAN] No maritime law against that.
[GASPS] Dolphins! Oh! Hey, we got dolphins.
Let's hit it.
] Die! Was that a boat? [RON] And Gob goes on a religious program Anyway, that's why I came here.
I'm ready to convert.
[RON] to be religiously deprogrammed.
- [MAN] Oh.
- Our church runs a program that sees confused men - through a very difficult time.
- [GOB] Perfect.
- [AUDIENCE APPLAUDS] - Sign me up for that.
This isn't one of those places where, like, they get you to quit smoking by making you smoke tons of cigarettes until you're like, "Oh, no, no more, no more " You know what I mean? - I don't want you to think I'm a whore.
- No.
No one would suggest that.
Um, - shall we get on our knees? - Oh, are we starting? [THEME MUSIC PLAYING]