As Time Goes By (1992) s01e03 Episode Script

103 - The Copper Kettle

# You must remember this # A kiss is still a kiss # A sigh is just a sigh # The fundamental things apply # As time goes by # - (Judith) Is that you, Mum? - Yes.
Dressed like that, it had better be.
- You worked late.
- I had a lot to catch up on.
You're always working late.
It's a habit.
There was never much to come home to.
- Thanks! - When you were married.
- Which time? - Both times.
- Have you eaten? - No.
Want me to whip us up something? That offer lacked conviction.
- We'll eat out.
- I'll get dressed.
What's that? Lionel's book.
He's finished the revisions.
I thought he was still working on it.
Sandy wasn't in today.
I gave her the day off to recover from working with him.
- Is he difficult to work for? - Impossible, according to Sandy.
I always thought age mellowed.
- Ha! Wait till you've aged.
- Here we go.
- Did he ask you to read it? - No.
I had a copy run off.
Ahh.
What do you mean, "Ahh"? You want to know what he was doing when you'd lost touch.
Oh Well, all right, I do.
- It's called nostalgia.
- No, it's called nosiness.
- (Doorbell) - I'll get that.
No, not like that, you won't.
Oh! Hello, Lionel.
- I'm going to Norwich.
- Well.
Have a good trip.
Not immediately.
Er the day after tomorrow.
Oh.
Why are you telling me? I didn't want you to think I'd just disappeared.
- Again.
- Again.
(Chuckles) Well.
Oh, would you like to come in and have a drink or something? Oh.
Yes.
Well, thank you.
Oh.
Back to the flat now the book's finished? Yes, thank heavens.
The staff at the hotel will be sorry.
Practically inconsolable.
- What will you drink? - Scotch and soda would be nice.
- Do you live in Norwich? - No.
No, I lecture, you see.
I've managed to get myself on a sort of a circuit.
- Oh, good for you.
- Not really.
If you don't send the audience to sleep, you're considered successful.
- What do you lecture on? - I'll give you three guesses.
- Your life in Kenya.
- Bingo.
- Do sit down.
- Thanks.
Cheers.
Cheers.
I don't suppose you've read my manuscript? No.
I just wondered.
- Why? - Oh no special reason.
- Would you like to read it? - Would you like me to? I wouldn't want to force it on you.
- I will if you want me to.
- I didn't say I wanted you to.
- Well, I won't, then.
- Oh, fair enough.
- Unless you really want me to.
- What does really mean? - Well, very much.
- This started as a casual inquiry.
- Don't make a court case out of it.
- I'll read it if you want.
Did I hear you say Norwich? - She's got ears like a bat.
- I'm lecturing up there.
- About your life in Kenya? - Yes, about my life in Kenya.
Quite close, Norwich, isn't it? You should pop up there, Mum.
- Why? - To listen to Lionel's lecture.
It's not really worth the train fare.
- And in any case - Exactly.
Is that your joint idea of a reasoned argument? Well, quite honestly, it's a bit boring Norwich.
And you know what the trains are like.
Yes, you get on them and they take you to places like Norwich.
It was just an idea.
Is Lionel coming to eat with us? All right! It was just an idea.
I don't feed her at home.
Oh, sorry.
I'm in a hurry.
There's a Jacques Tati on at the Screen On The Green.
- I can't miss that, can I? - You never mentioned that.
Oh, yes, I did.
I told you, Lionel.
- Did you? - Yes! Must've slipped my mind.
There you are, then.
I must dash.
I'll probably be late.
I know I'm a pig and I'm still hungry, so I'll probably grab a pizza afterwards.
Very late, probably.
Bye, then.
Bye, Lionel.
Have a nice evening.
- Your daughter is artless.
- I know.
Rare quality these days.
She gets kicked in the teeth for it.
I once got kicked in the teeth by a mule.
- Where? - Korea.
- They look very good.
- What do? - The teeth.
- These are my own! Oh! Must've been a very puny mule.
All right, I embroidered.
It nearly kicked me in the teeth.
- Were you wounded in Korea? - Only by the mule.
- Oh, hello.
- Hi.
It's a chap I knew once.
- His daughter? - I doubt it! Quite a dashing figure, as the saying goes.
- Mm.
Handsome.
- Yes, I suppose he is.
- How well do you know him? - Oh, fairly well.
He asked me to marry him.
Good God! - It isn't that incredible.
- No, I'm just surprised you said no.
How do you know I did say no? If you'd said yes, you'd be sitting up there with him.
- Oh, yes.
He's a barrister.
- Yes.
Why should you be surprised that I said no? Well let's be realistic.
Good offers don't exactly pour in at your time of life.
- I'm just being honest.
- I see.
- You're swamped with offers? - Of course I'm not.
Not from anybody I fancy.
There was one old girl in Kenya who set her cap at me.
Mabel somebody.
Used to spit when she talked.
How old does a woman have to be before she's classified as an "old girl"? - Oh, older than you.
- Oh, thank you.
Why should you turn down a rich, handsome barrister? - I didn't say he was rich.
- Are there poor barristers? I was tempted.
- What, security? - No, sex.
Oh? (Chuckles) You remember the kind of thing.
Of course I remember the kind of thing! - But you thought I didn't? - I thought nothing of the sort! It's typical.
It's fine for men.
A man is sexually active as long as he gets one foot out of the wheelchair.
A woman passes 50 and her idea of sexual activity is supposed to be soaking her feet and listening to James Last.
- What brought that on? - You, thinking I want security.
I've got security.
I earn security.
Anyway, he's rather effeminate when you come down to it.
That's probably why he's with such a masculine-looking girl.
- She probably smokes a pipe.
- A Meerschaum.
- Sherlock Holmes job.
- (Chuckling) Look.
Are you busy tomorrow? Not especially.
Why? I thought we might have a day out.
Oh.
Well I'm off to Norwich the day after, and then well Great Yarmouth? It's hard to say with the lecturing thing.
I mean, sometimes dates just crop up and I'm off, and, um well, I've never been much on postcards.
- Or phone calls.
- No.
Sort of a farewell, is it tomorrow? - I wouldn't put it like that.
- How would you put it? - Do you want to come or not? - Oh, all right.
- Yes.
- Thank you.
I don't know why Judy went to Jacques Tati.
We're much funnier.
What do you think? I don't know, do I? What does one wear for a day in the country? Cowboy hat with "Kiss me, quick" on it? You're in a very helpful mood.
Two hours that Japanese film went on.
Seemed like two centuries.
I thought you went to see Jacques Tati.
I went to see whatever was on.
I was being discreet.
I had a terrible pizza afterwards and got back here at half past two in the morning.
And what are you doing? You're in bed snoring your head off.
- What did you expect me to be doing? - I expected you to be with Lionel.
- In bed? - No! Well I don't know.
I expected you to be together, anyhow.
I'm not seeing any more Japanese films for your benefit.
- What are you looking for? - A review of the film I saw.
I'd like to know what it was supposed to be about.
Where's Lionel taking you, anyway? - Buckinghamshire.
- What, all of it? We used to go there if he had leave and I could get away.
Mmm.
Did he have a car? No.
Pony and trap.
Well, of course he had a car.
- An Austin 7.
- Did you steam the windows up? - A tiny little thing.
- But did you steam the windows up? Of course we steamed the windows up.
- And now you're going back.
- Not to steam any windows up.
- Why, then? - I don't know.
Have a look round.
"I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places"? If there are any left.
As I've told you, things move on.
- Still - There is no "still".
No.
All right.
Still - Oh.
Good morning.
- Good morning.
Well all set? Yes.
All set.
Er I should buy a can of demister on the way, if I were you.
- What's she talking about? - All our yesterdays.
Oh.
- I've hired a car.
- Oh, nice! Not that one.
That one.
Oh.
Nice.
That said Wales.
We don't want to go to Wales.
We turn off.
This isn't the way we used to come.
I don't remember any of this.
Well, you wouldn't.
It wasn't here then.
I assume Buckinghamshire's still here.
Oh.
We turn left there.
- Where? - There! There! We want to turn right.
You have to turn left to turn right.
- I hope you know what you're doing.
- One of us has to, don't they? (Bell chiming) (Lionel) This is better, isn't it? (Jean) Oh, it's much better.
- It's still pretty around here.
- I haven't been this way for ages.
We're nearly there now, aren't we? Must be.
We'll eat in that restaurant.
What was it? The Spinning Wheel? The Wagon Wheel? It had "wheel" in it.
- The Copper Kettle? - That's it.
- It's a garage! - I can see it's a garage.
- Perhaps we've got the wrong place.
- Have they knocked it down? Excuse me! I'm looking for the Copper Kettle.
There's a hardware shop down the road.
Not a copper kettle.
The Copper Kettle.
- I'm looking for a restaurant.
- Not a kettle? We're looking for a restaurant called the Copper Kettle.
Oh, I see.
I've got you now.
- Do you know where it is? - No.
We think it may have been here before the garage was built.
I wouldn't know.
I've only been here a year.
- When was this restaurant here? - 1953.
My dad might know.
Do you think you could ask him, just out of curiosity? Not really, no.
He's in an old folks' home.
I think we'll drive on.
I'll see if the chap with the red flag is ready to walk in front of us.
The war memorial's still there.
We couldn't have logically expected it to stay the same.
We haven't.
- That's very true.
- Anyway, let's eat here.
I'm hungry.
There's another place I want to try.
- Is there? - Yes.
Smashing pub there.
- What was the name of it? - What, the pub? No.
The village.
Upper something.
Upper Marlowe? - Marlowe Bottom.
- That's the place.
It'll only take 20 minutes.
Oh, look at that for idiot parking.
Shouldn't be allowed on the roads if they can't park.
- Well, it's you, actually.
- I've driven Bren gun carriers.
Shame you don't have one with you.
Could smash your way out! That's not funny.
Sorry.
(Chuckles) Ooh! Oh, leave it till somebody moves.
Let's eat here.
Ohh! We're eating at Upper Marlowe.
- Bottom.
- Bottom.
That's it.
Now If I can just get my leg in You'll never squeeze in there.
Breathe in! What do you think I'm doing? Damn and blast.
- (Chuckling) - Stop laughing.
It's not funny.
It is from where I'm standing.
I've got an idea.
- What? - Let's eat here.
Excuse me.
Sorry.
Can I, er? Thanks.
There must be a flat surface somewhere.
- Try the top of my head.
- Now what do you mean? It's a disaster.
I'd take you home but we can't get into the car.
You'll feel better when you've eaten.
I can't eat it.
- Well, have a drink.
- How? Well Thanks.
I suppose if I do the same with the plates, - we might get a chip or two off.
- No, I don't think so! Where do these people come from? You're a bit old to be asking that question.
- Oh, this is grotesque! - Look! The table behind you.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
(Lionel) Oh, sorry.
Thank you.
Erm there'd be no point asking someone to clear this lot, I suppose.
- What do you think? - Oh, God.
- Ah.
- There.
Ha ha! Yeah.
- Well done.
- That's better.
Yeah.
Cheers.
Did you bring the knives and forks? (Jukebox starts up) (Heavy rock music plays) I'm sorry.
Thanks.
Did you put that on? Well, of course I did! The place needed a bit of atmosphere.
- Actually, this isn't bad.
- It isn't hot, either.
True.
If the car had got a sunroof, I could climb in through it.
Assuming you'd left it open.
The way things are going, if it was open, it would be raining.
- You used to be such an optimist.
- Are you sure? Yes.
You used to believe that lovely things would happen to us and they always seemed to.
- I expected them to, I suppose.
- And now? - Now is now.
- Oh, let's go.
Where? I thought we could go to the cemetery and cheer ourselves up.
(Birds chirping) - This isn't the way to the car park.
- I know it isn't.
I wasn't serious about strolling around the cemetery.
- Ah.
- What? I knew something still had to be here.
Look.
- What at? - Look.
(Jean) The walk.
(Lionel) That's right.
- Across the fields - Down the hill (Both) Then there was the woods.
That's right.
- We picked bluebells.
- Metaphorically speaking.
And there were some more fields and you came out just down the lane.
It wasn't a long walk.
That depended on how many bluebells we picked! It's petered out.
The bloody thing's simply petered out.
(Jean) Oh! Oh! Ohhh! - Ohhh! - Where are you? Here.
- What were you doing? - I fell over.
Why? Are you all right? I'm wonderful.
I'm having a wonderful walk.
Look.
It was as much your idea as mine.
- A bigger man wouldn't say that.
- I'm not a bigger man, I'm a lost man.
Oh which way shall we go? I don't know.
I'm not an Indian scout.
- And where have the woods gone? - I'd settle for a road.
I can see some telegraph poles.
Do you intend to shin up one and find out where we are? - Telegraph poles mean a road.
- Unless they go across a field.
- Have you got any better ideas? - Yes.
Wait for Humphrey Bogart to come towing the African Queen and ask him the way.
(Thrashing at undergrowth) (Jean) Uh! You need a machete to get through here.
(Lionel) There's a road the other side and we are getting through.
(Jean) Ouch! (Lionel) Mind the brambles.
That was a bramble.
Ah! We're nearly there! Yaahh! What are you doing? I'm standing in a muddy ditch.
Oh Ooh.
- Give me your hand and jump.
- Look, if I fall in Just jump! Ohhh! Gosh, you look a mess.
You don't look too good yourself.
Well.
Where are we? Scotland for all I know.
Look, I don't think I can possibly go on w Good God.
Oh! - Good afternoon.
- (Both) Good afternoon.
- Er we've been walking.
- Oh, yes? - Across the fields.
- I see.
I know we look a mess but we're really quite respectable.
- Could we have some tea? - Yes, of course you can.
- I'll bring some in.
- I'll clean up first.
- The cloakroom's on the left.
- Yes, I know.
Er I'd better take these off.
You'd better take your socks off as well.
They're soaking.
- Oh, well, I don't think - Give them to me.
Florrie'll give them a quick wash and a spin.
- That's very kind but it's - No, don't you worry.
My son's about your size.
- It's like being in a time warp.
- I know.
Nothing's changed.
Except the calendar.
I thought it might say 1953 for a moment.
Where's the chair with the wonky arm? - This one.
- Oh.
Oh I like the shoes.
Yes, they're very me, aren't they? Here we are.
I put out honey as well as jam.
- Good heavens.
- Is something wrong? The cups are the same.
I wouldn't serve tea in odd ones.
No, I mean they're the same as they were years ago.
Oh.
You know the hotel, then? Oh, yes.
We used to come here sometimes when we were, erm - Young.
- Young.
Ah, isn't that nice? And now you've looked us up again.
Not so much looked you up as stumbled through a hedge and found you.
Did you work here in 1953? Oh, no, dear.
I was still at school.
Enjoy your tea.
- At least she was alive in 1953.
- I knew someone had to be.
We should've gone to Eastbourne.
We'd be comparative striplings there.
You'd have wowed them with your trainers.
There's a first time for everything, I suppose.
Yes I suppose so.
- Why are you smiling? - Nice tea.
Yeah, I know it's a nice tea.
You don't smile like that over a nice tea.
Well, I do.
And for a nice dinner? Shriek with laughter? The honey's nice.
You're not smiling about the tea and the honey.
It's something else.
- All right, it is.
- What? I don't feel like telling you.
- We're too old for games.
- It's not games.
You should know why I smile.
- Should what? - Know.
- Well, I don't.
- Have some honey.
I don't want any! It's not the shoes.
They're not that funny.
- No, it's not the shoes.
- Have I got mud on my face? Why the concern about your appearance? - I've lost interest in this.
- So have I.
Funny being back, though.
Yes, funny.
It was smaller than I remember from the outside.
Then, I suppose it never had more than twelve rooms or s Good God.
I've just remembered something.
Oh? Here, then in one of those twelve rooms or so we made love for the first time.
Did we really? That's why you were smiling.
You remembered.
So why didn't you say so? I didn't want to be the only one who did remember.
(Chuckles) Yes.
I see.
- Room eight.
- With a squeaky door.
Mr and Mrs Ambrose Smith.
I always wondered why you added the Ambrose.
I didn't want to be too obvious.
Do you think they knew? As we had no luggage and we were red as beetroots, I think so.
Now you're smiling.
I was thinking of the 28 cups of coffee we had before we went up to the room.
- It wasn't really 28.
- Seemed like it.
- You kept ordering them.
- I didn't want to rush you.
Did you plan that night? Oh, give me some credit.
I'd have had a suitcase in the car if I'd planned it.
- We didn't have a toothbrush.
- You wore a grey slip.
- Oyster.
- Oh.
Oyster.
I kept giggling all the next day at the hospital.
- Who with? - No one.
Everything everybody said seemed to have a double meaning.
What about you when you went back to the camp? It isn't a time for giggling when you're on parade.
I mean did you tell anyone? No.
I think I probably just walked about with a silly smile on my face all day.
I couldn't get over the fact that the night before I'd made love to the most beautiful girl I'd ever laid eyes on.
- Would you like more hot water? - No, thank you.
Erm I don't suppose you've got a room, by any chance? We were thinking of staying overnight.
I'll just go and have a look.
- Then why didn't you stay? - Oh, I don't know.
- You chickened out.
- No, I didn't chicken out.
Lionel chickened out.
- No.
- Then what? It was just one of those impulses that loses impetus all by itself.
Everything looked rose-tinted.
- You should've torn upstairs.
- Torn? - Well, hurried.
- Just gone with the flow? - Mm! What happened to the flow? - It diminished to a trickle.
By the time we sat down to dinner, it had dried up.
- Well, we had no luggage.
- Who needs luggage? - At our age you need luggage.
- Not for appearances.
Private appearances, yes.
Then Lionel remembered the hired car and that he had to go to Norwich, and I had to get up early.
Busy day.
- Doing what? - I don't know.
- Dull, dull, dull.
- Yes, but sensible.
Same thing.
What are you gonna do now? Well, I'm going to do what a woman of my years should do.
I'm going to bed with a hot drink and a dull book.
Talking of dull, I read Lionel's manuscript.
- Very dull? - Better than a sleeping pill.
The most interesting part is the dedication.
It's weird.
It says, "To Pooh.
" That's what he used to call me.
Pooh? Not as in smell.
As in Winnie The.
- Why? - Well, I used to like honey.
It sounds soppy now but at the time Well, well, well.
He dedicated his book to you and he hadn't seen you for 38 years.
- A dull book.
- Nevertheless.
Let's go and see him in Norwich.
Oh, don't be silly.
"To Pooh"? Don't be silly.
# You must remember this # A kiss is still a kiss # A sigh is just a sigh # The fundamental things apply # As time goes by # And when two lovers woo # They still say I love you # On that you can rely # The world will always welcome lovers # As time goes by #