Asobi Asobase: Workshop of Fun (2018) s01e04 Episode Script

1
Lower Body Lasers
Hey, Maeda, what's this?
This is a back scratcher.
How do you use it?
Like this.
That's amazing.
You know everything, Maeda.
I must teach Hanako
anything she asks to know.
I can't ever say "I don't know" to her.
Thus, even that one time
Hey, Maeda
What is it, Hanako-sama?
What's shogi?
"Shogi is a game where one moves their
pieces until they capture the enemy King."
I suppose I could just tell her that
But I cannot.
For if I did
"Teach me that game, then."
she would say.
Alas, I don't know the rules of shogi.
So
Hey, what's shogi?
A sport wherein one fires
laser beams from their butt.
Show me.
Yes, ma'am.
Oh my God, Maeda-san, what the hell?!
Since then, Hanako-sama
would often beg of me
Hey, hey, Maeda, do shogi!
I can't sleep until you fire
a laser from your butt.
Maeda, show me your beam!
But since a week ago, Hanako-sama's
tone has suddenly changed.
You can stop with the beam now.
What's the deal with your butthole?
I'll pay for your surgery.
Have them remove it for you.
Hanako-sama
You were so delighted by my butt
beam until just a week ago.
I'm seriously worried about
my sister's mental health,
being delighted by that
until just a week ago.
Welcome home, Kentarou-sama.
Say, has Hanako-sama taken an umbrella?
Dunno.
The weather forecast said it
would be sunny, so probably not.
As I do not have a license,
I shall go fetch her on foot.
This guy's been at our place forever
But what does he do exactly?
I didn't bring an umbrella.
What about you guys?
I always keep a foldable umbrella with me.
What about you, Hanako?
I forgot.
What do we do?
Want to wear garbage bags?
Why are Hanako's ideas always so hobotastic
when she's apparently so rich?
M-Maybe we can fit three
people under my umbrella.
Not under a foldable umbrella, I don't think.
I wonder if someone could
lend us an umbrella.
Hanako-sama.
Hanako-san!
Stab him with this!
Hurry!
Kill him quick!
Kasumi-san, calm down!
H-He works for us at home.
He's a thing.
I'm Maeda.
What do you mean, "a thing"?
Hanako-sama, I've brought you an umbrella.
Thanks.
Kasumi-san, are you okay?
I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
I have a fear of men.
Is this better?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry,.
I can't deal with weirdos either.
And then what happened?
Are these ladies your school friends?
Yeah. Olivia and Kasumi.
Olivia.
That's a foreign name.
I enjoy traveling abroad.
Which country are you from?
I-It's a secret.
I feel like your friends are afraid
of me because of you, Hanako-sama!
It's because you just happen to look skeevy!
Thanks for the umbrella.
Sure.
You tolerate having that thing
in your life, Hanako-san?
That "thing"?
I never knew you hated men so much.
I-I mean
I heard men fire laser beam things from
their crotch when they're turned on.
Didn't you know, Kasumi-san?
Laser beams come out of the butt.
Really?
I never knew.
Oh jeez, I'm embarrassed.
And it destroys the roof
sometimes. It's so dangerous.
Sorry I'm late, everyone.
Who are you?!
Asobi Asobase
Pots and Kettles
Chisato, long time no see!
Yeah, long time.
It's been about six years, hasn't it?
You haven't changed one bit.
R-Really?
Yeah.
You're just like you were back in college.
I wonder how the others are doing.
I think three-fifths of
them have gotten married.
R-Really?
What a long sigh.
You work at a girls'
school, right, Chisa-chan?
Do you ever meet anyone?
With men?
Nah, not at all.
Oh, I'm a supervisor for
a club at school, though.
That sounds really teachery.
What kind of club?
Basketball? Volleyball?
I bet concert band or
choir would suit you, too.
It's a club called the Pastimers Club.
Huh.
Wow.
I've been working at a girls' school
for the past three years, too.
Really?
Where?
Have you heard of Sei Shukujo Academy?
I have.
It's that school with all
well-to-do girls, right?
One of the Four Lords of
Pastimers is at my school.
I'll hook you up sometime.
Okay.
What's a Lord of Pastimers?
Pastimers Club
Guys, sorry I'm late.
What're you up to?
Playing Old Maid.
Huh.
Hey, girls
Have you heard of the
Four Lords of Pastimers?
What's that?
You wouldn't, would you?
Okay.
See, one of my friends also
works at a girls' school.
We met to catch up the other day,
and she told me that one of the Four
Lords of Pastimers is a student there.
Sensei has some weird friends.
What's a Lord of Pastimers?
I bet they're stupid.
Hey!
I bet they only exist in that person's brain.
Maybe she's, like, twice the
age of an eighth grader,
and now she's thinking like one again.
They're really roasting her.
Maybe there are some requirements, like
winning in a national kendama tournament.
There's a lot of different pastimes, though.
Can you become one of the Four
Lords just playing kendama?
I guess kendama alone wouldn't be enough.
How accomplished do you have to be, then?
I wonder I can't say.
It sounds like a proper club meeting.
Hello?
Chisato? Are you at school?
Yeah, at the club.
You know that Lord of Pastimers
I was talking about?
Yeah?
She just headed out your way.
She should be there soon.
Huh, okay.
Got it.
Thanks.
The Lord is coming.
That's what you were talking about just now?!
Huh?
Yeah.
Which school, by the way?
Sei Shukujo Academy.
That super well-to-do school?
One of the Lords might
actually be there, then.
I know, right?
I bet she's super proper, too.
Wow, you all believe me as
soon as I bring that up?
You're such slaves to status.
H-Holy crap.
Uh Don't you get in trouble
at school, looking like that?
It's my actual hair color.
This butterfly landed on
me and became my friend.
She's lying!
Wh-What about your makeup?
I'm not wearing any.
That's a lie, too!
B-But you wear your uniform properly, huh?
Huh?
I don't get it. Who doesn't
follow the school dress code?
Why is that the one thing
you're obedient about?
Hey, I'm Ando-sensei's friend.
Oh, yeah, Ando-chan.
I didn't feel like coming, but
she knows my secret, so I had to.
I heard you're one of the
Four Lords of Pastimers.
Oh, that.
I, like, slept with almost all the
guys from the boys' school nearby,
and now that's what they call me.
Wait, you mean Lord of Pleasure Seeking?!
H-How's Hanako reacting?
Awesome! Awesome!
No! She's a slut!
Slut, slut, slut!
I see two weird creatures above her head.
Kasumi's soul is escaping from her mouth.
But you can't keep up with school if
you're always fooling around, can you?
Studying at home is totally lame.
She's a dumbass.
Yup, of course she is.
You can pick up most of it
just listening in class.
I made the top 100 in the national
mock exam the other day, too.
I'm going to go nuts with jealousy!
C-Can you do kendama?
Olivia-san?!
Aren't you sad trying to gain
superiority over kendama?!
You're just catching the
ball. This is boring.
O-Okay.
I-I know
Olivia, Kasumi-san, do that makeup on me!
Nah
I think we should give up.
No!
Not wearing makeup is tantamount to
going into battle unarmed and naked!
Only by wearing steel armor as she
does can we engage in fair battle!
I-If you insist
All right.
I'll do my best.
T-Trust me, we did our best, Hanako.
You put on color contacts, too.
W-We've done everything we
could with our skill level.
Like, ohmygawd, girl.
Wasn't there a Batman villain
that looks like that?
There was!
Do you think you can defeat
me, Lord of Pleasure Seeking?
I can handle her myself,
Kasumi-san and Olivia-chan.
Stop it!
Now you both look and sound
like a low-level enemy!
You can have my cleanser, Hana-chan.
Th-Thanks.
I'm going now.
Okay.
She was kind of nice.
Yeah.
Yes.
Honda-san, be sure to wash your face
quickly without looking in the mirror.
Asobi Asobase
Illegal Occupation
Choujuu Giga
What're you looking at, Olivia?
Choujuu Giga.
The animal drawings are super cute.
Are you interested in this
kind of stuff, Olivia-san?
Yeah.
I love ukiyoe, too.
Was Choujuu Giga that one that's said
to be the oldest manga in Japan?
You have classy taste for
a middle schooler, Olivia.
Hey, what do you think they're doing here?
Sumo?
I guess?
Do you think they're all males?
How can you tell they're all male?
I mean, only men can do sumo wrestling.
But I wanted to become a sumo
wrestler when I grew up!
Really?
You didn't notice from what you saw on TV?
I thought they were only
airing the men's games
because they're naked from the waist up.
I thought girls sumo wrestle secretly
in a paradise-like place, half naked.
That's Olivia-san's idea of paradise?
You might not be able to do it as a job,
but anyone can sumo wrestle for fun.
For fun?
You do real sumo wrestling for fun?
You could, but we don't have
anything to use as loincloths.
Arm wrestling, thumb wrestling,
paper wrestling
There's a lot of games that
have the word "sumo" in it.
I want to do something where you
use your hands and shout "nokotta!"
How about teoshi sumo?
What's teoshi sumo?
You don't know?
Kasumi-san, can you come stand in front?
You put your hands together like
this, and you shove and dodge.
The first person to lose their footing loses.
You can only touch your opponent's hands.
It sounds so fun,
like frolicking in paradise.
Kasumi-san and I will
go first, so just watch.
Okay.
It's just like what she
described, except it's not.
Kasumi-san's good.
Hanako-san, you aren't as good as I thought.
Maybe you don't have balance
in your upper body.
She provoked her.
Gatotsu!
She fell for it.
Now I just need to avoid her.
She's still going to shove?
Fine!
She's doing her Chinese
contortionist shit again.
Still, I will win!
O-Olivia
I'm safe, right?
What are these girls doing?
S-Safe?
I mean, I guess?
But I think
Hey, sorry I'm late
I'm done.
Honda-san, don't give up!
Huh?
Sensei, what are you talking about?
You can do it!
You can't give up!
Do it!
You can do it!
You can keep going!
Hang in there, Honda-san!
It's in my ey—
Th-This is bad.
S-Sensei, were you rooting for Hanako?
Huh? Not really.
I just wanted to sound
like an intense teacher.
Huh? Say what?
You scared me!
Okay, Olivia-san, want to
try playing in paradise?
Asobi Asobase
Butt Play
No one's here.
No one's here, which means I can secretly
I'm going to put my magic on you.
Put it on me.
Thwack
Huh, you're already here, Kasumi-san?
Hey, were you writing something?
What were you up to?
Um
Doing a lecture write-up.
Sounds busy.
Psyche! Middle schoolers
don't talk about lectures!
Huh?
"Put it on me"?
Err, Kasumi-san
N-No!
It's not!
I didn't write this!
I didn't!
Okay, sorry. I know.
I want to die!
Squeeeeeze
It's okay!
Seriously, it's fine! Don't die!
Live!
Live!
You are beautiful!
I ran into Sensei on the way here.
Sorry I'm late.
I have no clue how it came to this.
U-Um
I can't tell them!
Kasumi-san will kill herself!
I have to come up with a different reason.
Something else
K-Kasumi-san was writing
an Oscar Wilde-style novel.
Hanako-san!
Huh, what's it like?
Sorry, it's pretty wild.
It might shock you.
I-Is it the kind of thing they
might be handing out at Big Sight?
Y-Yes.
A wild, sold-in-person type.
Really?
Can I read it when you're done?
No!
Someone kill me!
I don't have the courage to kill myself!
Kasumi-san!
I'll write a will so it
looks like a proper suicide!
Don't worry, I like Boys
School Wars and stuff, too.
I'm interested in that kind
of stuff, too, these days.
H-Hanako-san
Like, Takezou x Billy, right?
Wh-Who is that?
I have no idea what's going on,
but you're writing a novel?
Y-Yes.
Have you chosen a title yet?
N-No, not yet.
Hey, I have a good one.
Huh? What is it?
"Anal Bum Cover."
Honda-san!
Please don't tarnish my bible!
S-Sensei, what are you talking about?
Um
Can we take this seriously?
But I was serious!
The protagonist, one day, starts
firing laser beams from his butt.
You aren't serious at all!
You called, Hanako-sama?
Stab him with the eraser!
Kasumi-san!
I can be of use to
Kasumi-san's novel writing?
I shall gladly submit myself to that purpose.
Have you ever submitted yourself to anal?
Oh, when you say novel, do
you mean one of that genre?
My apologies, I'm not very
versed in that field.
But for you, Hanako-sama, I shall
head to Nichome with some vaseline.
Oh, it's nothing that serious.
It's more of a light fantasy.
Fantasy
Something like a goblin x dwarf?
What kind of nasty trash is that?!
Oh, Santa Maria, forgive me Lord
Not that kind of fantasy!
You have to have given up on your own
humanity to read something like that!
But my friend's niece is into that
kind of hardcore doujinshi stuff.
Stop! I don't want to hear any more!
Gobdwarfs.
Please don't abbreviate it
like you're in the know!
Sorry, Kasumi-san.
That was a weird thing to hear.
Come to think of it, I thought
you had a fear of men.
Are you really okay with men on men?
T-Two-D stuff is okay.
2D doesn't come out of the page.
They're totally safe.
Even better if they have
no interest in women.
I-I see.
Kasumi, you're going to end up
like Sensei, talking like that.
Sucks for you. I can totally
tolerate living like that.
My life is one to be tolerated?!
Um, I don't know if this would be of any use
for a BL novel, but may I share a story?
Sure.
Thank you.
Long long ago, there was a
sixth-year college student.
On the morning of an exam
which would determine
whether or not he'd fail
the year a third time,
he was abducted out of
the blue by men in black.
The men in black restrained the
student inside a square room,
and began probing his butt.
This is an excellent ass.
Let us hide our weapon of
destruction inside here.
When he came to, he was
back where he was before,
but a day had apparently passed, and
hooray, he failed for a third time.
His life soon became a living hell.
Every time he took a dump,
he would destroy the toilet.
He would find part-time
jobs, only to be fired,
on grounds of destroying their toilets.
One day, when he had resigned himself
to a fate of homelessness
What's wrong, buddy?
What happened to you?
Get lost, old bastard.
Hold on, let me get a good look.
Why is your ass crack so torn?!
Don't touch it!
It's dangerous.
What if I suddenly fired a beam?
I don't know how I ended
up with this implant.
I can't control it myself, either.
I can't go back to my old life.
All right, come with me.
I'll teach you how to control your butt.
The man who saved me that day
Was Hanako-sama's grandfather.
Wait, it's a true story?
That's freaky!
A-Are you okay now?
Yes, thank you.
I only destroy the toilet
when I have diarrhea now.
And every time, I have to wait until the
seat's fixed to use the toilet, damn it!
So you're still destroying them!
How's that?
Does that give you any inspiration?
U-Um
I feel so sick.
And so Nomura Kasumi's distaste
for men was further exacerbated.