Awkwafina Is Nora from Queens (2020) s01e03 Episode Script

Savage Valley

1 (Thierry) Banshees, run! (gaming music and sound effects) Got 'em.
Nora, bien fait! Shh! Thierry, how many times I gotta tell you my parents are sleeping in there? (Kofi) Nora, you proposed this time.
Yeah, because you said I wasn't allowed to play with you guys unless I kept international hours, Kofi.
Nora, if it was up to me, you wouldn't be on the team.
Farming unsanctioned Calendula root without consulting us? Le gaul How many times I gotta tell you that that root is gonna bring us ore, okay? It's driven Banshees straight to our patch.
Don't worry.
I'll fight 'em off with my Enchanted Rake from Blyseria.
(loud burp) Sorry, I just Been drinking a lot of Red Bull.
Let's kill some Banshees! Yeah, let's go! (air hissing) (bleep, blows raspberry) Good morning.
Good morning, Daddy.
(chuckling) I had fallen asleep.
Sorry about that.
Yeah, it's okay, it's just my workspace.
Somebody put garbage here.
I'm sensing a little frustration that I Do not like it when I use your computer? I hate it when you use my computer.
Dad, we discussed this.
You know what I'm using this for.
To play fruity-tooty games.
No! Sending emails and applying to jobs.
Oh, what jobs? Editor-in-Chief of the "Miami Herald.
" Music Supervisor, "Stranger Things.
" DOJ attorney for the city of Trenton.
These are not viable jobs.
Yo! Yo! Yo! I just saw on Weibo that Nancy Hong is looking for an office assistant at her real estate firm.
You're on Weibo? Well, yeah! Weibo, American Twitter, Reddit, Xanga.
I got a lot to say.
(sighs, whispering) Dad, can you call Nancy, please? Please? I gotta get my car out of jail, Dad.
All right, fine, fine.
I'll see what I can do.
(alert chimes) Whoa Taye Diggs is following me.
He's hot.
Wasn't he married to Adele Idina Menzel.
Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Adele Idina Menzel! (voice assistant) You have arrived at your destination.
(woman) What? Huh? No speak! No speak English! No, she no here! (mouthing silently) No, sorry.
Hi, Nora! How you doing? So good to see you.
Nice to see you.
So grown! Thanks.
So, just a little minor housekeeping.
If any banks, creditors, or utilities call, just say, "No speak English," or, "No Nancy here.
" Oh.
Okay, so here is your desk.
Great, I love it, cool.
Yeah, so, I'm sure you've worked as an assistant before.
So you know Hootsuite, Slack, Evernote, Outlook.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah, yeah.
(chuckling) Oh, man, is that you? Yeah, that was me on the cover of "Top Agent" magazine in 1996.
1996! Oh! And these are the These are all the listings? Well, these are the unsellables.
These are the listings so far gone that no one else will take them on.
Oh my God, that looks like the The Chinese Death Trap.
That is the Chinese Death Trap.
No way.
The one that housed all those, like, Hong Kong crime organizations back in the day? Yeah.
That and and there There is some asbestos and some leaky pipes and Cantonese ghost.
How long have you had that one? Just 16 years, five months, three days.
But, um Yeah.
Just taking a little time.
Anyways, I'm gonna get going.
Oh So, can you enter these into Excel? Sure, yeah, I can do that.
Great, well, I'm gonna take a break.
My first break in ten years.
Ten years, wow.
Yeah, go go get 'em.
Bye, Nancy! See you soon! Knock-knock.
Nancy! Hey, Nora.
Hey How's it going? So good.
Did you get a touch-up on your perm? I did, thanks for noticing! Yeah, I had a coupon for Great Clips just burning my pocket, and I thought, you know, why not? I really like it.
And I also got a spray tan.
Nice! Thanks, yeah, it smells like blood, so That's okay, I love blood.
Um, I would love to stay and help, uh, but I can't bend for four to six hours.
So if you wouldn't mind just turning off the copier and the lights.
Locking the deadbolt and getting the answering machine going.
You got it.
I can do that.
Great, and I can't bend Yeah! The door, okay, yes.
Gosh, sorry that I smell like murder.
That's okay.
What, are you making coffee now? It's midnight.
It's midnight but I didn't get a chance to nap today.
And I had to do a bunch of "Savage Valley" stuff and Don't worry, I'm not gonna use your precious office.
I'll be on my laptop.
And what about work tomorrow? I know, Dad! We're unveiling our new farm.
It's a big deal, all right? We're already number one on tier three of Jared's E-Sports Blog.
We could be tier two.
Cupcake, I put myself on the line getting you this job.
And I don't need to tell you, Nancy sends us a nutcracker every Christmas.
I know, Dad.
Go to bed.
You got work tomorrow.
I'm going to bed.
Got this Got this Got this Got this Got this, got this (gaming music) No offense, Thierry, but I should be the one to unveil the farm to King Caspian.
Nora, make sure you protect the Calendula root.
If King Caspian sees it, he'll banish us to Dead Man's Desert.
Nora? Nora! I'm sorry I'm awake.
I just, um I took on this day job, and I'm doing this at night.
It's just, it's It's it's a lot.
We all make sacrifices, Nora.
I gave up fencing.
Thierry, look.
I don't mean to drop the ball on Winter Harvest.
I'm just (yawning) I'm just very sleepy, I'm sorry.
Why don't you take the popular American drug cocaine? I heard it gives you energy.
No, my dealer got it at dentist school.
He's not doing it anymore.
I might have some Adderall from, from high school.
Adderall is illegal in France.
ADD is a made-up disease.
Hold, please.
(pills rattling) (whispers) Expired 2007.
I should double up.
(slurps) All right, bitches, let's farm some mandrake root.
(vigorous stirring) Good morning, Father.
How are ya? I made breakfast this morning.
Didn't know if you like chocolate chip or blueberry, so I made both.
And they're excellent.
(whispers) Thank you, Grandma.
(chuckling) I'll just stick to my toast.
(Nora) Okay, that's fine.
Grandma your wok's clean.
Aww Grandma loves Nora.
Hey, Nora? How long have you been up? Hours I spent hours doing my hair.
Whoa! Whoa! Yeah, that's different.
And then you made all this stuff for For work, yeah.
I'm number two now.
Golden Prosperity Real Estate, right? Women empowering women.
No listing left behind.
Because women is gonna be there.
I gotta go.
We both got Marcia Clarks! Oh, Ma.
(laughing) (keyboard clacking) Hi, Nancy! Nora! Hey! What are you doing here so early? I, uh, I organized the reception desk.
I checked all the messages.
I filed all the paperwork here.
And we got staples, paper goods.
And the best part (drawer opening) Highlighters.
Wow, a whole drawer full of highlighters amazing.
My new office strategy requires a lot of highlighting.
So I'm gonna need them on standby.
That is (drawer shuts) Until we go live.
Live? Yeah.
I took all our listings and digitally entered them into a website builder.
You know HTML? I do.
I taught myself in the last 49 minutes.
And, uh, put this together.
And when I press this button here we'll be online! Oh, my gosh.
That's incredible, Nora.
Thank you! You're incredible.
You're the best assistant I've ever had! (sniffling) Thank you.
Thank you, bye! Damn, look at that walk I'm a bad bitch, I do what I want I'm a bad bitch, I do what I want Smoke all day, then get some head Smoke all day, then get some head How you gonna stunt when your card gets declined How you gonna stunt when your card gets declined Damn, look at that walk, walk They see the shoes they be like Damn, look at that walk Oh, yeah.
They see the moves they be like Damn, look at that walk Look at that walk Damn, look at that walk Ahh.
You slept on a bitch, now watch a bitch blow up Nora, wow, the office looks amazing! Are those fresh flowers? And is that a telescope? Yeah.
So you can see the stars, Nancy.
Nora, you're incredible.
You change your hair or somethin'? Yes, I changed up a little bit.
Big hair means big sales.
Is that right? (gaming sound effects) (Kofi) You just killed me.
I'm on your team! What are you doing? We were going to trade that mandrake root with the merpeople! No! We do not negotiate with (bleep) merpeople, all right?! Build that wall! Aw, Nora, I hate Americans! I hate the (bleep) French.
I hate Gérard Depardieu.
Little bitch.
Where's the fruit platter? Where's the fruit platter? (cabinets slamming) The fruit platter's on the table.
You just set it down.
Right, right.
Yes, right.
Nancy called me last night.
Oh, no, what'd she say? She hates me? She wants to kill me? She wants to set me on fire? I brought these pillows to her office.
The pink ones are psychotic.
What? No.
She says you're doing really good.
She says that you're the best office worker she ever had.
Yeah, well, she's wrong.
Because there's always work to be done.
And I'm and I'm still (blows raspberry) You know what I mean? Don't be so hard on yourself.
You're doing really good, Princess.
And your hair looks really great.
Thank you.
You look like Farrah Fawcett.
Huh? (chuckling) Who's that again? "Charlie's Angels.
" Yeah I gotta go, I'm late! Marcel says the secret is a light brush and never to wash it.
And if you just give it a little shake But how does it get so floppy? It's natural.
(chime) I was a part-time model for a long time.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God, Nancy! Someone wants to buy the Chinese Death Trap! What? Check it out.
Our website.
See? Oh, my God, that is incredible.
And get this.
They want a viewing tomorrow.
Oh, no, tomorrow.
No, it's still condemned.
No, no, not anymore.
I already called the DOH.
I called NYCHA.
I told 'em.
They fixed the leaky pipes, the asbestos, the black mold, all that.
But, Nora, have you seen it? It'll never be ready in time.
No, no, I got a I got a cleaning cart.
I got all the supplies.
I got Fabuloso.
I got all of it.
Nora, thank you so much.
Well, I'd love to stay and help but I have an appointment to get my pubes microbladed.
I just love symmetry.
So great to have all this me time.
Bye, Nora.
Bye, Nancy.
No! F (bleep) (bleep) (bleep-bleep) (school bell rings, chatter) Ted! Scoot-scoot! Nora? Ted, psst! Come here.
Why are you dressed like that? Like what? You look like "Hedwig and the Angry Inch.
" No, listen, Teddy, I need Adderall.
I know these (bleep) have it.
I know he has it.
Been looking at him the whole time.
I know you're in high school.
You got the ACTs, you got the SATs, you got the Regents, you got FAFSA.
I know, I know, but I need I need a solid here please.
Okay, I have Vivantic.
My parents made me get it, but it's a lot stronger than Adderall, so Great.
(sighs) Okay.
Awesome, dude.
Thank you.
Whoa, Nora, Nora, uh I'm not sure if I feel comfortable giving this to you.
You're giving me really strong Charlie Sheen vibes, and I'm I don't think I can do this, I'm sorry.
Listen! I'm under a lot of pressure here, okay? I got a day job as a real estate agent.
I got a night job.
It's playing "Savage Valley.
" And I got a lot of people depending on me in my universe, all right? I got Dad, Grandma, Thierry, Kofi, Nancy.
I got all of them and And I'm stressed out.
Fine, fine, you know what? Just take it, just take it.
Teddy! Uh, please be careful! It's really strong, so dose with caution! You're still special without it! (ominous music) (clattering) (mice chittering) (Nora gasping) (pills rattling) (pills dropping on floor) Ugh! (chittering) (ominous music) (gaming sound effects) (explosions) (Nora grunting) Get out of here! Vanquish! You can see this natural paneling Ohh! Ho! Ow! Nora, what the hell are you doing?! Banishment! Banishment! Nora, stop it! (panting) Ohh.
Nancy, I I was I was cleaning.
And and And the merpeople came in.
They were doing their evil dance and And I, uh I lost sight of myself, I'm sorry.
There are no merpeople.
Though I am legally required to disclose that there have been some sightings of Cantonese ghosts.
I knew it! Let's make it to the bedroom.
There's some wonderful, natural sunlight in there, upstairs.
Nancy, I'm sorry.
(sniffles) I am very disappointed in you.
Go home.
You are done here.
(sighs) (gaming music plays) I've never gotten a scroll before.
Dear NorrestGump22.
After much consideration, we have decided to expel you from our team.
We don't like who you've become.
Someone who burns farmlands.
Steals mandrake root.
Enslaves merpeople.
And murders your own teammates.
(Kofi) With you, we will never make it to tier two of Jared's E-Sports Blog.
And, as you know, that is everything to us.
(recaps bottle) (toilet flushes) (keyboard clacking) Hey, Nancy.
I just came to collect my things.
Nora, Nora, my star! (tearful laughter) What's What's going on? I-I thought I was fired.
You are, but so am I.
What? I said when I sold the Chinese Death Trap that I would retire.
And yesterday, the Oswaks made me a very low offer, which I immediately accepted.
Oh, man, that's amazing.
It is amazing.
And it's all thanks to you.
So the so the business is It's just done? Yeah! Without the Chinese Death Trap, what is there for me to do? And all those long lunch breaks made me think I should really get back to Nancy.
Well, yeah, I'm I'm very happy for you.
I mean, I'm sad that I'm out of a job, obviously, but I'm very happy for you.
Thank you.
Even though yesterday was a total disaster, you've been an incredible assistant.
Oh, wait! Don't forget about your first and last paycheck.
Paycheck? It's not the number we agreed upon because I doubled it.
What?! $379?! Yeah! Thank you, Nancy.
Oh, my God.
You don't know what this means.
I can get my car out of jail.
I I can finally get a BTS sticker on my bumper.
I'm gonna get my eggs out of jail, and Marcel's gonna give me his sperm.
And he's gonna keep doing my hair! Awesome.
We both win! I'm just gonna thank you for this.
Maybe you can be the nanny.
I'm good.
Hey, Dad.
Just, uh, checkin' on ya.
I don't get it.
'Cause I got a check.
I heard what happened to Nancy.
I can't believe she's selling the business after all these years.
It's a good thing, though.
I think it's a good thing for her.
Oh! Karen Kapiki's looking for a new office manager.
She's one of Nancy's top agents.
No! Sorry, I didn't mean to say it like that, um No, I no no.
You gotta bring home some bacon, Princess.
Yes, I get that, Dad, but I don't wanna be like Nancy at 40, you know? She told you she was 40? (scoffs) Nancy's favorite part of the job was leaving.
I want a job where my favorite part is coming.
Like, I'm coming at work uh, to work.
And, you know, it has impact.
Every hour of every second of my day has impact on not only animals and the environment.
But humans! The humans of New York.
Humans of New York.
And I get rewarded for that in money but also in the feeling of impact and having an impact and making an impact.
It's not about bacon, Dad.
It's about impact, all right? Can you fry that? Okay, this is level one.
It's very basic.
Just learning how to build your garden and Wait, how do I change the hat on my guy? Dad, you're still on your avatar? Just pick anything! (Dad) Well, look, he looks like shit.
Grandma, how did you get the mace? I killed a villager.
No! You're not supposed to kill the villagers! They're peaceful people! I love killing! Maybe a scarf.
Kill it! Kill it! Weird game, huh? Yeah.
Die, mother(bleep)!
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