Ballers (2015) s04e05 Episode Script

Doink

1 (TRAP MUSIC PLAYING) - Lance started his own company.
- Is this a joke? You're gonna have to sue me, aren't you, Spencer? I will bankrupt you, you piece of shit.
Thinkin' about unretiring.
You never really know until you get punched in the face.
- Punch me in the face before I beat yo' ass.
- Don't hit me! You okay? Might be ready.
Your girl Donna put a pic up on IG of me and Tasha! I hope you're not asking me to apologize.
Of course not, I would never I want you to lie.
How about I buy my company back from you at 50 cents on the dollar? Go back to what you're good at.
Take that offer, and stick it straight up your Kane is in the building (MUSIC PLAYING) Now tell me how you love it, you know you at the top When only heaven's right above it, we on 'Cause we on Who else is really trying to fuck with Hollywood Cole? I'm with Marley G, bro Flying Hollygrove chicks to my Hollywood shows And I wanna tell you something that you probably should know This that "Slumdog Millionaire" Bollywood flow And, uh My real friends never hearing from me Fake friends write the wrong answers on the mirror for me That's why I pick and choose, I don't get shit confused Don't like my women single, I like my chicks in twos And these days all the girls is down to roll I hit the strip club and all them bitches find the pole Plus, I been sippin', so this shit is moving kinda slow Just tell my girl to tell her friend that it's time to go.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) Good morning.
- I'm here to see Sean.
- I know you.
- You played for the Dolphins.
- I did, yeah.
So exciting to have you here.
Why, thank you.
I'm excited to be here.
Hey, it's Mary in reception.
I have Jason Taylor here for Sean.
OK, thank you.
Someone's gonna come right out and get you.
Please, just have a seat.
- Thank you, Mary.
- Mm-hm.
(PHONE CHIMING) (GROANS) (CHIMING CONTINUES) (GRUNTS) (JOE SIGHS) MAN: What are you havin' this time, Joe? JOE: Dealer's choice.
As long as it ends in "-uila.
" JOE: Excuse me.
I've had a shit day.
What do you say? Will you drink with me, and then we go get lost and share a beautiful moment together? I'm sorry, I work here, and we're not allowed to drink with the guests.
(SCOFFS) Quit! I can't.
I have a family to support.
Oh.
What are your kids' names? I don't have any kids.
Reload, Donny.
Thank you.
(COUGHING, GAGGING) Ohh Ohh.
You got any cocaine? You know where I can find cocaine? - (THUD) - Ow! - Gimme my fuckin' keys! - I can't do that, sir.
You're drunk.
Would you call me an Uber so I can go back to my hotel, please? You're staying at this hotel, sir.
(DISTANT SIREN) (RETCHING) Sorry to keep you waiting.
No problem.
I'm Spencer Strasmore.
I'm Sean, this is Nick, we are with Distribution and Acquisitions.
So you guys are in charge of my channel.
- Yeah, we are.
- Thanks for meeting on short notice.
I never took you for an action sports guy.
Because I'm not.
But I do like making money.
Well, how can we help you make more? Let's start by getting me a better channel.
Getting me out of the nosebleeds.
How do I get around Fox Sports Net, NBC Sports? I'm sure one of your computer geek experts can just type on the keyboard and move me on down the line.
It's really not that easy.
Besides, it doesn't matter where your house is located if nobody will come visit.
- You're referring to our fan base? - NICK: Or lack thereof.
You guys have no fan base.
Zero.
None.
- Are you exaggerating? Come on.
- SEAN: No, he's not.
You polled at 0.
001.
You went dark last week how many calls do you think we got? - I'm guessing zero.
- Bingo.
You should be more concerned with being dropped from our system.
Obviously Lance didn't give a shit about making money, or ratings, but I do.
The dark days are over.
I need you guys to help me help myself.
Well, as you said, in so many words, content that moves the needle like your old sport.
Those rights are spoken for.
Yeah, I know.
We own them.
Surf and skate will never work in our demo, Spencer.
We know what works, and we just want to get more of it.
- What about college football? - We'd love that.
Our SEC Network is killing it.
Do you have exclusive rights to anything? I don't, but I can get access.
Great.
But we're only interested in brand names Notre Dame, Ohio State, or if it's a big market team like USC.
And prying them loose ain't gonna be easy, as you know.
Let me worry about the prying, huh? Deliver that, and we can deliver your net to prime time.
All right.
California Highway Patrol Had been finishing a coffee break at Paso Robles Hey, you guys, uh, see the Big Man today? About eight foot tall, always angry? No? All right.
- You see Spencer? - JESS: He's MIA.
I haven't heard from him all morning.
- Kinda like you.
- Hmm.
Yeah.
He's probably hiding from me.
Hey, are you planning on addressing the team? Because they could def use a morale boost.
You can't avoid them forever.
Uh yeah, sure.
I will do that.
But first I was thinking I might make myself a Bloody Mary.
What do you think about that? That's a great idea.
- You know where Lance kept the liquor? - We don't have liquor in the office.
Are you fucking kidding me? I mean, come on, that's that's amateur.
We have a shit-ton of opioids in the closet.
I will take that.
(SING-SONG) Enid.
(LAUGHS) You look amazing today.
And you look drunk.
Drunk! (LAUGHS) No.
Maybe drunk with love for you.
Hey, how fast do you think you can give me a client breakdown with a receivables report? - (LOUD THUD) - Oh, my God! Mm-kay.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Shh! Give it to me.
There you go.
Thank you.
See? Young lady, this is the benefits of being Old School.
And you can't get hacked.
And you can't get hacked, Jesse.
She doesn't care.
She's a hacker.
Amazing work.
I can't do without you.
I love you very much.
(KISSES, BLOWS) Ledger kiss.
Don't quit on me, Ricky.
Where I'm from, you don't quit unless your shit's about to snap or you're gettin' choked out.
I'd rather be choked out by you than taken down by Calais Campbell.
You say that now, till I snatch up that neck, put you to sleep.
Man, your love is something else.
Gimme one of them.
Good work, baby.
- Take a shower.
- Thank you.
KT, what up, baby? Ricky motherfuckin' Jerret.
What you doin' out in L.
A.
? I just flew out here.
My girl love it, so I might stick around.
- How is Tiffany, anyway? - T good, bro.
But I was talking about my girl Tasha.
She on some Cali love sort of shit.
- What you workin' on? - I'm workin' on being a better man for my daughter and her momma.
That's beautiful, Rick.
I was talkin' about what body part, though.
What you got goin' on? Oh.
A leg day for me.
Mind if I jump in? Keep my black ass out of trouble? - Let's do it.
- Take off one of them plates for me, baby.
What? You slippin', man.
Season's just around the corner.
Ain't like that.
I'm tryin' to lean up, bro.
Get quicker.
I might even go vegan, like Brady.
You know what? I could never fuck after I ate a porterhouse.
(LAUGHS) Shit, only thing gettin' hard on me after I eat a porterhouse is my arteries, nigga.
Dolphins got you playin' all three downs now, huh? Nah, I'm done with the Fins, bro.
What? Goin' shoppin', huh? Shit, yeah.
Like a motherfuckin' lottery winner, baby.
Word is, Rams lookin' for a slot.
- You don't say.
- Yeah.
Jason gonna put you up for that? Yeah.
That's why I'm out here, meet with Chuck, handle shit.
That's a good idea.
Think you got some advice for me? Like, old generation to new generation? - Advice? - Advice, yeah.
Why don't you get some new hands? You tryin' to say I can't catch? - You callin' me old? - You are old.
Ah.
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Look to your left and look to your right.
These are your brothers and sisters in fuckin' arms! These are the people whose fuckin' bodily fluids are gonna be drenching your hands as you fuckin' shove their small intestine back up into their body, like, "Don't you fuckin' die on me!" You never walked away from a fight in your life!" - MAN: Fuck yeah! - "Times are so tough.
" Fuck you, times are tough.
We're tougher! We eat glass and fuckin' crap diamonds, bro.
Doink! "Oh, another fuckin' diamond.
" I'm rich because I was fuckin' tough.
" But, like in all times of war, there are casualties.
Right? And ours happen to be financial.
So, um, as of this moment, I'm gonna have to freeze all the expense accounts.
We're gonna have to cut back in other ways too, like I was thinkin' maybe half-hour lunches for a while? - Just for a while.
- (MAN WHISPERS) Shoulda gone with Lance.
Hey, Kurt Cobain.
What were you just saying? - Do you have a question? - Uh, just sayin' that your motivational speech was, uh, motivational.
I don't think that's what you said in that short amount of time.
- What did he say? - That we should have left with Lance.
Fuck, dude! Then why don't you do me the favor of grabbing all your shit and gettin' the fuck out of here, 'cause you're fired.
All right? Adios.
Give Lance my warmest regards.
Fuck you, who cares.
Hey, and also, may as well get your shit too and go, because you're a snitch.
OK? We're a troop of soldiers.
- Get out! - This place sucked anyway.
It sure did suck until you left, which is now.
- (DOOR SLAMS) - (EXHALES) For the rest of us, I know it's hard, but we gotta get after it! All of our remaining clients, we gotta put back to fuckin' work.
Book, book, book, book! That is your mantra.
And if we book, come Christmastime Santa Claus is gonna put a little something extra in your stockings.
(APPROVING MURMURS) Thank you all for taking this journey with us.
- Great stuff.
- Yeah.
I'm drunk.
So, Lance is on hold for you.
Do you want to take it or should I take that pep talk to heart and tell him to suck a bag of dicks? Yo, when you bug out you usually have a reason for the action Sometimes you do it just for mere satisfaction People be hounding, always surrounding Pulsing, just like a migraine pounding You don't really fret, you stay in your sense Camouflage your feeling of absolute tense You soar off to another world deep in your mind But people seem to take that as being unkind "Oh yo, he's actin' stank," really on a regal? A man of the fame not a man of the people " Believe that if you wanna" Hey.
Can I help you? I doubt it.
I'm here to see him.
You and everybody else.
He don't want to be disturbed.
(LAUGHS) Shit.
Yo! What's up, brother? - (WHISTLE BLOWS) - Yo, Q! Hold up.
- You must be Spencer.
- I am.
My mom said to expect you.
What can I do for you? More like what I could do for you.
- How you know my mom? - We're just friends.
You got a thing for her? It's a'ight, everybody does.
You ain't gotta be all awkward and shit.
- It ain't about that, brother.
- No? What's it about? Your mom thought that I could give you some good advice.
I've been through the league, All-Pro, Super Bowl champ, I'm up for the Hall.
You've got a lot of choices to make, and I could help you with those.
Wow.
I appreciate it.
But there's no need for the résumé, future Hall-of-Famer.
No need for the advice, either.
But I got some for you.
- Yeah, what's that? - Be careful with my moms.
All right, boys, let's go! I'm always fuckin' careful.
(BACK-UP ALARM BEEPING) Ooh hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo! Wow! And I thought it was an undertaking when me and the wife remodeled the kitchen but this place is really coming together, Mr.
Thompson.
No shit, Charles.
Mr.
Kroenke is a visionary.
Might come as a surprise to you, but these things don't happen by accident.
No.
No.
Why is it you wanted to see me, sir? I just want to make sure that we're all rowing in the same direction.
Of course.
My guys are ready.
Locked and loaded for free agency.
We've circled guys like Alshon Jeffery, maybe What about Teague? How we doin' with Teague? He's probably gonna be a little pricier than we thought.
Take a look around you for a second.
How much do you think we're spending here? A few more dollars isn't gonna do anything.
Gimme a coupla doubles, all right? I thought it was my job to be smart and frugal.
No.
Your job is to support the wunderkind.
If he wants Kisan, then just give him Kisan.
- VENDOR: Here you go.
- Thank you.
Yeah, but the GM's supposed to make all personnel decisions.
It says so right there in my contract.
I don't give a fuck what your contract says.
All right? Look, McVay likes the player, and we just happen to love his personality.
Huh? His personality? We've got some great young talent on this team.
Coach is putting up almost 30-plus points a game.
- Hell, yeah.
- But we need a little more swagger! - Swagger.
- You know what I'm sayin'? Other than McVay's.
Look, Charles, no disrespect to you, OK? But I wouldn't exactly call you charismatic.
It takes a lot more than just wins to succeed in L.
A.
You gotta do it with style, with some panache.
- Panache.
- Yeah.
You can't buy taste, Charles.
But you can buy yourself some new clothes.
Yeah.
Why don't you get yourself a fuckin' suit? You'd look great in a suit.
OK? All right.
It's a beautiful vista you've brought us to.
Or is this a mesa? Well, technically, to use the accurate geographical term, - this is a bluff.
- Bluff.
You should see it at magic hour, Joe, it comes alive.
I thought with you and I, everything was magic.
Well, it was, then you brought your beefcake boyfriend on the scene.
- OK.
- I never had a brother, always wanted one.
I know you don't have siblings.
Sadly, I was an only child.
And I still wasn't my parents' favorite.
I can relate to that.
Joe, I'm really sorry about everything that went down between us.
Yeah, so am I.
Obviously I can't reverse time, but I can press reset.
Joe, I'm willing to give you 75 cents on the dollar, buy my company back, and then you and the glamorous potato of whom you are peculiarly enamored can go back to Miami, focus on what you're good at, where footballers need you.
(TAKES DEEP BREATH) I'll think about it.
OK? I will.
And I'll talk to the potato.
Don't be a dummy, Joe.
This world was never gonna work out for a guy like like Spencer.
I don't know.
Maybe a world like this is never gonna work for a guy like me.
One time, right here, we have the league legend against the young buck, only at Unbreakable.
Step right up, folks! Come on, Rick, fuck this bitch up.
Hey, watch your language, Terrence Tyrone Darby! I run a place of business! - Goin' down, Jerret.
- I don't go down for nobody.
We'll see.
Ready, ready, ready? Go! (CROWD SHOUTING ENCOURAGEMENT) - MAN: Jerret, let's go! - Time! JAY: Don't be breakin' Unbreakable.
Come on now! Let's go! Must be the baby.
She keepin' you up at night? I live in a 12,000-square-foot mansion, not a condo like yours.
Besides, baby ain't the problem, 'cause there ain't no problem.
I can do this shit all fuckin' day.
- TTD: All day.
- KISAN: You gonna need to.
Come on, Ricky, do it for us old guys! I mean "veterans.
" YVES: Come on, man! - Get him! - Come on, man! Gettin' tired of this, Jerret? Fourth quarter, buddy.
We're goin' behind the rib cage.
- Let's go.
Come on, buddy.
- Get it, baby.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE) Nobody rollin' up on me, especially not this young boy.
You ain't never gone deep in your life.
- Feel me, Jay? - Got you, buddy, I like it.
That was cute.
That was real cute, Jerret.
Don't get scared now, Jerret.
(CROWD OOHS AND AAHS) (APPLAUDING) You can keep living in a fantasy world, or you might want to accept the fact that you're gettin' too old for this shit, bro.
No disrespect.
- Right? - None taken.
Don't let that nigga get in your head.
That shit'll fuck you up.
Just you sayin' that's fuckin' me up.
Get outta my face.
Hey, we're goin' harder tomorrow.
Go pop a cryo and an IV.
Good? Fuck that high-jumpin' ass - Hey, how'd it go? - SPENCER: Well, it didn't.
Ohh.
I was worried about that.
Me too.
I thought I had all the answers when I was his age.
Did you? - I still don't.
- Join the club.
I think it's time to drill down on that sweet child o' mine.
Can you come to dinner? Are you gonna force-feed me to him? That's how bad-ass moms do it.
Besides, I'm cookin'.
Should I manage my expectations? You should know whatever I think is worth doing is worth doing right.
I wouldn't miss it for the world.
Ciao.
Enough with the fuckin' "ciaos" already.
Jesus Christ.
(SIGHS) (STUDENTS CHATTER) Thompson's telling me I gotta get McVay Kisan! Tellin' me I gotta worry about filling seats! Talking about winning ain't enough.
What the hell he mean, winning ain't enough?! These people are about to give me an anxiety disorder like my assistant got.
Mine's generalized anxiety.
Yours is specific.
CHARLES: You need to mind your business.
Good.
Now we got some privacy.
I can't face-fuck right now, all right? I can't get this image of McVay out of my head! How many times do I have to remind you it's La La Land.
You're not gonna start singing and dancing again, are you? No.
I just mean it's L.
A.
, baby.
Embrace the glitter.
We got Jared Goff, number one draft pick! Aaron Donald, he breathes, eats, sleeps sacks! We put up 29 points a game last season! - That ain't enough glitter?! - Look at the Lakers.
They departed from what worked with their prodigal son, and how'd that turn out? Not so great.
But now they're back on track with Magic.
Let me get this straight, baby.
So the Rams are the Lakers, and you want me to be Magic? All I'm saying is, you have to learn to be a showman, Charles.
Give the people an experience.
I don't know, baby, I just ain't that guy.
You weren't a front office guy, either.
Now you are.
It's time to rep the Greane family.
Show the world who Charles Greane can be.
Now, I know it's not easy being Greane, but you wanna play the part, you gotta act the part.
You feel me? Yeah, I feel you, baby.
- I hear you.
- But do you see me? Well, I mean, I I see you, baby.
And do you like what you see? - Hey, Andrew! - Yes, sir.
Go on ahead and get up outta here, dawg.
- You sure? - Mmm.
All right.
Have a good night, Charles.
Mm-mm.
(CLICKS TONGUE) (LAUGHS) You really trying to make an impression, huh? Well, I hope you like apple pie.
Hate that shit.
Mom's in the kitchen.
Remember (WHISPERS) you ain't the first, and you won't be the last.
I see you still carry that chip on your shoulder even when you come home, huh? When there's people in my house I don't want to see.
Well, it's just a dinner, so lighten the fuck up.
JAYDA: Hey! - Hey.
Perfect timing.
- Thanks.
You too.
Dinner's ready.
- So, sit.
Let's eat.
- SPENCER: All right.
Uh, that includes you, Q.
Yep, let's eat.
Can't wait.
I can't eat another bite.
That was amazing.
Thank you.
I hope you don't mind.
I have a lot of homework to do, so I'm just gonna I have a better idea.
How about the two of you chop it up while I go get dessert ready? - (SIGHS) Thanks, babe.
- You're welcome, babe.
- Thanks, Mom.
- Mm-hmm.
So why don't you save us a bunch of time and bullshit so you can get back to your pie.
We conversing 'cause you're dating my moms, or are you just another straight-up hustler? I'm just trying to be helpful.
You gonna put me on a Wheaties box? Show me how to do it the right way? It's a little too late for that, isn't it, Q? What's that supposed to mean? Well, I saw your $150,000 G-Wagen that's parked down the street at your neighbor's.
That's a really smart, elaborate ruse.
(BOTH CHUCKLE) So I would say that you are dirty as fuck.
Yeah? What else? And that discretion ain't your thing.
- You gonna roll on me? - No.
That's not my style.
- Then what is your style? - Teaching you how to be discreet.
About wearing a nice suit and some Italian monk straps? That doesn't seem very discreet to me.
It's not supposed to be.
I don't want to fuck around.
I'm here to do business.
If you're gonna jeopardize your eligibility, at least make it worth something not a $150,000 Mercedes.
You finally got my attention.
Don't lose it.
How would you like to own a piece of a regional sports network? It is an asset that has a chance to be worth a half a billion dollars.
I knew you were a hustler.
JAYDA: Who wants pie? I'm in.
Never pass up a chance to grab a slice.
Me neither.
JOE: Hey.
When you sneak back into the house, you're supposed to do it barefoot, dum-dum.
You know that? (BOTH LAUGH) Where the fuck have you been, huh? You been makin' deals or makin' love? - Hit me, Donny.
- You got it.
I'm sorry about not calling you back earlier, man, I just had a crazy-long day.
But believe it or not, I been workin' for us.
- Good.
Me too.
- Yeah? Anything good? I met with Lance today.
Don't say anything, let me finish.
He's willing to buy back the company at a respectable 75 cents on the dollar.
We will take a big hit, sure, but we'll eventually recover.
And we'll just chalk it up to a failed experiment which is on me it's on me.
And I really appreciate you backing me up this whole time.
But, come on, it's time to pull the ripcord and parachute back to our oasis with most of our company and self-esteem still intact.
(SIGHS) So what do you say? I don't know whether I should be appreciative right now or call you out for being a fuckin' pussy.
- Oh, fuck you.
- Fuck me? Fuck you.
Is that what you want to do, you wanna sell Sports X back, at a $12 million loss, to that fuckin' dick-bag, or do you want to dig in and grind it out to be what you imagined it could be? Well, of course I want to dig in and grind it out I fuckin' love war.
Good.
'Cause we're gonna keep your dream alive.
Fuck Lance, fuck his culture, and fuck anybody who doubts us I got a plan.
Time to double the fuck down.
Mustard on the beat, ho I addicted to ballin' I have to get my cash The money is callin' Got bands, got bands, got bands - I'm addicted to ballin' - I, I, I, I, I, I, I - I'm addicted to ballin' - I, I, I, I, I, I, I I have to get my ends I pull up in my Benz Flexin', countin' my bands Started gettin' money I see how it feels to be rich I live by the beach now That's how a boss should live Since I was a toddler I knew that I would become this I cannot move slow That's a big, big no Gotta chase this money Bankroll after big bankroll - I must get this money - I, I, I, I, I, I, I - I must get this money - I, I, I, I, I, I, I - I must get this money - I, I, I, I, I, I, I Get this money, get this money I addicted to ballin' I have to get my cash The money is callin' Got bands, got bands, got bands I'm addicted
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