Ballers (2015) s05e01 Episode Script

Protocol Is For Losers

1 (DYNAMIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC) We're on the other coast, Californ-I-A.
Lance Klians.
He needs to sell his company.
- What does Lance do? - He's the king of action sports.
Motocross, BMX.
If you can ride it, I can sell you on it.
You're ready to bet $50 million on your boy Lance? I'm ready.
(MUSIC PLAYS) We've got some great young talent on this team.
- Yeah.
- THOMPSON: But we need a little more swagger.
I want to talk to you about playing again.
I'm going to need to see you work out.
Don't look nervous, man.
I got this, baby.
When I get a chance to spend more of your money, I'll gleefully take it.
We pumped a lot of our own money into this company.
I'll remind you, I'm not an employee; I work for me.
Do you feel me? - (CRUNCHING) - Do you feel me? - Yeah, owe.
- You're fired, mate.
I would appreciate if you would reconsider your stance on Ricky.
I'm serious about suiting up for this season.
JASON ANTOLOTTI: There's this kid I need you to check out.
He's the top quarterback in the country.
Not college high school.
- I want to get paid.
- I got a plan.
I have come here to offer you an opportunity to become media titans.
How would you like to own a piece of a network worth a half a billion dollars? - We're going to pivot back to football.
- I'm in.
Go ahead and sign up, baby.
- Congratulations.
- I've been using PEDs.
If you test dirty, I'm clipping your punk ass.
Now sign the deal.
QUINCY CARTER: Spence, they're in my house.
- SPENCER STRASMORE: (ON PHONE) Who's in the house? - QUINCY: Suits.
Is this your idea of handling it? Miss Brewer, what can I help you with? Spencer Strasmore filed a lawsuit.
- Uh, you've been served.
- JOE KRUTEL: Don't tell me that you decided to take on one of the most powerful organizations - in all of sports.
- I did.
Candace called and threatened to revoke our registration.
- Don't care about any of it.
- Don't be naïve.
They are coming after our asses.
- And none of it's going to affect you.
- (GRUNTS) What do you say we bring back the good old days? - You and me partner up again.
- Just you without that other man? KRUTEL: Yeah, without the other man.
I never considered myself good, much less great, at anything.
Uh, always considered myself pretty average.
Not in size, of course.
Come on.
But in everything else.
It's hard to believe, but that turned out to be one of my greatest strengths because it taught me how to grind.
It taught me how to pay attention to details, to embrace things that are uncomfortable.
Even painful.
I didn't choose football.
Football chose me.
Kane is in the building.
Now tell me how you love it You know you're at the top When only heaven's right above it We on 'Cause we on Who else is really trying to fuck with Hollywood Cole I'm with Marley G bro Flying Hollygrove chicks to my Hollywood shows And I wanna tell you something That you probably should know This that Slumdog Millionaire Bollywood flow And my real friends never hear it from me Fake friends write the wrong answers on the mirror for me That's why I pick and choose I don't get shit confused Don't like my women single I like my chicks in twos And these days all the girls is down to roll I hit the strip club and all them bitches find a pole Plus I been sipping so this shit is moving kinda slow Just tell my girl to tell her friend That it's time to go [INDISTINCT SHOUTING.]
Ain't no effects, we come for the checks We stirrin' the racks, we trappin' the 'jects We sleepin' in jets, we really the best Brr, brr, brr We pull up and flex, we speakin' baguettes The niggas done test, and the bitches done text We came from the bottom, we never forget Hey.
Time for a swim.
Ah, you know what? You go.
I have one more chapter left.
Uh, the same chapter you've been reading for the past three hours? - [CHUCKLES.]
- Come on.
What's up with you and the water? What are you talking about? - You hate it.
- I don't hate it.
What do you mean? I love the water.
Every house I have, I have to be near the ocean.
I know this.
That's a good thing, right? Would be if you were in your Speedo.
Come on.
You've been promising you'd go boogie boarding for the past three days.
Startin' to think it's bullshit.
Ah You know, come to think of it, I don't think I've ever seen you in the water.
What are you talkin' we just took a shower together this morning.
I'm talking about the ocean, wiseass, not a pool, hot tub - Ah, yeah - [RINGTONE CHIMING.]
Oh, you know what, babe? When football calls, I gotta answer it.
Way to deflect, Strasmore.
Well, you better come meet me or I'm throwing that fucking phone in the ocean.
I will.
I'll be right there.
Bossman, did you butt dial me again? [LAUGHS.]
You always made me laugh, Strasmore.
Where are you these days? Some exotic locale with a beautiful woman? I'm actually curled up in my home with a good book.
You don't strike me as a guy who likes to be alone.
- Yeah, why would you say that? - 'Cause you're like me.
We only like to be alone with other people.
You know, I'm a lot more spiritual these days.
Well, I wish I was too.
It would help me deal with my problems, my big, goddamn rich people problems.
I've never heard you stressed.
It's 'cause it only happens about once every ten years when the CBA expires.
Nobody wins with a strike.
Well, maybe you should communicate better with your players, especially if you want them to play 18 games.
Well, why do you think I'm calling you? Effective immediately, the Chiefs need a new owner.
The Tyreek Hill situation put the Hunts over the edge.
So you want me to buy the Chiefs? - You're the perfect candidate.
- Uh-huh.
I'm sure my skin tone doesn't hurt.
Well, you are pretty.
And the league doesn't like to look out of touch.
I'm not like you, Bossman.
You calling me a redneck? In the kindest of ways, yes, I am.
Our culture is a bunch of red-blooded, ball-swinging men not too different than yourself.
Maybe you just need to wipe the dirt off the mirror and take a good look.
Well that was the problem to begin with.
I was just an asshole chasing a buck.
- That's why I had to retire.
Take it from me, the day you retire is the day you march toward your death.
All my life, been grinding all my life Sacrificed, hustled, paid the price Want a slice, got to roll the dice That's why all my life I've been grinding all my life Yeah all my life, been grinding all my life, yeah Sacrificed, hustled, paid the price Want a slice, got to roll the dice That's why all my live I've been grinding all my life Whoa! Look at you, like a modern day Ben-Hur in your half-a-million-dollar chariot, except yours is lined with Alcantara leather, not the skin of infidels.
No no, that's got the infidel skin.
And thank you.
The imagery you summon always brightens my morning.
I would never spare flattery not on your anniversary, anyway.
What do you mean my anniversary? It's the 14th today.
My wife my wife didn't die until the 18th.
No, no, no, I'm saying it's a year to the day since Spencer walked out on you, facilitating our little partnership.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
I don't often think of the guy.
Has he at least called you to check in? [LAUGHING.]
Besides, you and I have more pressing issues to discuss.
- What like? - Like this.
We're being evicted.
No, what do you That's impossible.
- We got a lease.
- Oh, yeah? Well, that's LA real estate for ya.
You're taking this surprisingly well.
Oh! I was in a blinding rage for the last 24 hours, at least.
But then, I woke up out of it and realized, "Oh, this is a blessing.
We're getting into real estate.
" - What, as slumlords? - Not quite.
No, I'm talking about building ourselves a home that doubles as a state-of-the-art training facility for the well-paid, well-endowed, and of course talented young men who dominate the gridiron.
There are two parcels of land.
I like the one on the left.
This is a bit grandiose, innit, mate? You sure Spencer's not still operating within your consciousness? No, no! Stop reaching.
You're the one that's talking about him all the time.
This is about us.
This is about our future.
Seriously? Yes.
Well, then I'll consider it.
Good, because I already made an offer.
What? Smile, boss.
This is amazing.
We re-signed Dante Fowler, added Eric Weddle, and we are close on Matthews.
We need to get this Goff deal done, Benny.
I'll smile when we win the Super Bowl, okay? Now tell me, who do we gotta cut or restructure to get under the cap? Saffold and Joyner, for starters.
- Okay.
- Also Barron and Henson.
That's a lot of blood.
Charles, Benny, nice seeing you boys.
I hear we're inches away from the Goff deal.
And that on top of Gurley and Donald, hmm, you guys are killing it.
Well, thank you, sir.
Appreciate the kind words.
I'm not being kind, just being honest.
There is one other thing, though.
What's that? Your boy Jerret tested positive.
That's shocking.
You're a terrible liar, Charles.
But I'm sure your wife tells you that.
If the squad ain't with me then it ain't right [P-LO'S "SAME SQUAD".]
Yeah Ay, whoo, whoo, whoo Yeah Ay, yeah, yeah Ay, ay, ay, ay - Same squad, same squad, same squad - - Drop-top coupe, dodge raindrops - Oh, shit.
T, let's go, man.
We gotta go get my juice.
- Same squad, same squad - Juice? Yeah, I'm doing a green cleanse before the new season.
Oh, the bougie MILF liquid diet.
I've been meaning to try that.
Well, today's as good as any.
So put the crumb cake down and let's go, 'cause I'm trying to be quicker than I was last season.
Yeah, you were like mercury, slippery and toxic.
It's Chuck.
He wants me to come in.
Probably wants to talk about re-uppin' me next season after what I did for him last year.
Don't respond.
What the fuck you mean, "don't respond"? - You gotta see something.
- What are you doing? Don't pull your dick out in the kitchen.
You tested positive for andro.
You shitting me.
You said I'd be masked.
That's what the guy told me! I knew I shouldn't have got involved in this.
And I knew I shouldn't have listened to your dumb ass.
No, you shoulda listened to me and Pops and Amber when we told you not to do that shit.
But that was because of my health, all right? Just shut up.
You got too many opinions.
Shit, Charles is gonna cut my ass.
Oh, that sucks, bro [HIP-HOP MUSIC.]
About time the white dude showed up.
Had I came late, I'd be filing for unemployment.
An adult male waiting for another adult male with a box of pastries, no less.
You must want something really bad, huh, Reg? It's not what I want, it's what I need.
What's that? Softer toilet paper? - 'Cause I can do that.
- Respect, Joe.
I need some fucking respect.
There ya go, you happy now? Don't be a fucking dick, Joe.
You spend all your time with Lance, hatching up big plans, and I'm left to hear things in the street.
Oh, my God, Reggie.
What? What do you want? I want to be involved.
Now, I don't give a shit what you call it.
I'm hearing rumors that we're getting evicted? Uh, what the fuck is going on? You're going in on major real estate deals and not running them by me? I want a say.
Yeah, well, it's more than just a real estate deal, Reg.
We're rebuilding the Roman Empire.
And it's not cheap, so, hey, if you wanna be involved, go make Vernon's new deal, all right? I'm already working on it.
And I'm more than Vernon's guy.
Well, then prove it! - Yeah - God dang - Yeah - Oh no It all started with my pops.
Y'all tired already? He taught me how to play the game.
- Come on! - Down! Set! Hut! He was old-school.
Played linebacker in college.
And that was back when you could really hit people.
He loved the competition, but he thought you should play a certain way, his way.
Get up! If you didn't, then you weren't gonna play at all.
Yeah - William - I'm done, I'm done.
You're done? He had a little bit of the Great Santini in him.
Let's go.
I was fine with it.
My brother didn't respond the same way.
Don't be like your punk brother.
You ain't no quitter.
Let's go.
- Yeah - God dang - Yeah - Oh no Down.
You know, you can't sit around here forever, even though it is a pretty spectacular view.
- Oh, it's a beautiful view.
Look, Spence, no matter how long you stare at that that water, the answer isn't floating out there.
I know, it's just so much to consider.
Like what? - [SIGHS.]
Like life.
- Oh.
Well, contemplating the future is not your specialty.
Well, what happened to unconditional support? Uh, if you want unconditional support, - go to a strip club.
And only one of us is on vacay.
The other is retired.
And I leave for Bristol on Monday.
Do you think I should consider this? Seriously.
I'm smart enough to know you're not good at staying still.
But who am I to tell you what you're good at? How did I ever survive without your guidance? You know, you joke, but we both know the answer to that, and his name is Joe Krutel.
How's he doing, anyway? Joe's good.
He's doing his thing, I'm doing mine.
Too proud to reach out? Yeah, I'm sure he is, you know.
- Spence.
Look, maybe you can use this as an opportunity.
You know, get a second opinion.
No, not from him.
He'll just tell me a bunch of stuff I don't want to hear.
Like? Like I've spent my whole life being a man of the people, and not the man himself.
- Cheers? - Cheers.
Good morning.
Congrats on your first year at the helm.
Ah, thank you, Kate, but I really have had my fill of pleasantries today.
I need a status report on our branding business.
What's up with the Municipal launch? It's coming along.
Coming along doesn't sound promising.
Unless it's a caterpillar transforming into butterfly.
Dan, what about Hypebeast? Are they gonna cover the launch? Negative.
Negative? Okay, I-I didn't ask you for my state of mind, Dan, I told you to handle this.
Uh, well, I haven't heard back, and I'm not really on a first name basis with these guys.
I mean, this is new territory for us.
We're not exactly known for streetwear.
So what are you known for, Dan? I mean, how many times did you call these guys? Once each? - Oh, my, did you hear that? - Once each.
Well, did you did you at least call the editor in charge? You know, the person who runs the place? Uh Uh, no.
Why why the fuck not? Well, because protocol says that we're supposed to wait for them to call us back, so Yeah, protocol is for fucking losers, Dan.
- Jesus! - Don't.
God, do you think anything's gonna happen by calling just once? Did you get your girlfriend by calling her just once? My girlfriend pursued me.
I can't even get my parents on the phone after calling them just once.
You know what, Dan? You're a fucking pussy.
- That's really uncalled for.
- What? - The derogatory language.
I'm not even talking to you, Kate.
But I'm here, and that makes me a part of the conversation.
And I'm here too.
We're all here.
Maybe my leadership style isn't for everybody.
Try no one.
Dan, can you please try calling again? Um I-I guess.
See, Joe? There are more effective ways to get a better performance out of your employees.
Of course, if you'd like to show us how it's done, I can dial Hypebeast for you.
Who hired her? I did, in a rare moment of clarity.
That's a great fucking hire.
I don't know how it happened.
You're very lucky to have a coworker like this.
It's the next best thing to having a set of balls all your own.
I guess since we can't muster up any press, we're gonna have to have a launch party that's flashy as fuck, huh? - 'Cause that's what we do.
- Yes.
Right? Yes.
Dan, do you want me to design the centerpieces? I was thinking, like, I don't know, two globes.
You know, with like something in the middle.
- Okay.
All right.
- What? What? What did I say? It's a bit vulgar.
What did I I don't understand.
You mimed it ejaculating.
Oh, it looked like a dick and balls.
Now I see.
- What's up, Ricky? Jason, I got some bad fuckin' news.
I tested positive.
Ahh, I hope you're talking about AIDS.
No, worse.
Okay, well, let's not overreact.
PEDs are the price of staying young.
You're not the first.
You're certainly not gonna be the last.
It might be the price, but what's the cost, man? It's not a group I'm trying to be a part of, especially since I didn't take nothing, you know, intentionally.
Oh, yeah.
I know that you didn't.
Must be a cross-contaminated Cialis.
Oh, you saying I need Cialis now? I'd rather stand up and say I took PEDs than to announce I take dick drugs.
Now what are we gonna do about Charles? - I'll handle it.
- Can we make it go away? If we appeal, the process is gonna take forever.
We need to decide about outside counsel.
It's just a waste of fuckin' time, and at your age You saying I should take the four-game suspension? That's what you're saying? Yes.
Don't stress about it.
I'm not stressed about them.
I'm stressed about getting cut.
A one new girl with Vicious find again Live up the street when you go right round the bend Nika is her name and not Nicka I woulda marry the girl if she cripple In the park we ride we bicycle And then we go, go and buy icicle I wonder why my parents [INDISTINCT COMMENTARY.]
Me find me heart beat again Brand-new girl a with me have a mad them A she a murder them Me find me heart beat again Brand-new girl a with me have a mad them Vicious bawl out zoop We gotta get with Jay, man, get moving on your deal.
- I don't know, Reggie.
- You don't know what? What if I don't wanna come back? This isn't some inner city summer camp, man.
It's your job, your life.
What if I want a different life? What are you, "Bridget Jones's Diary"? I mean, why can't I be like our boy? I could be like Colby.
Colby is a hundred-pound kid from the suburbs.
Don't stereotype me, Reg.
All I'm saying is maybe gaming should be my next career.
It's not that easy, Vern.
These kids been gaming their whole lives.
So have I.
You telling me you'd rather be one of these nerds than to be a star for the Dallas Cowboys? What I'm telling you is, I wanna try something new.
Okay, fine.
Why don't you be a stunt double for Tyler Perry? Come on, man.
And unload inside the base.
Colby Parker calls game.
That's victory.
Oh, I've been expecting your call.
I pride myself on being predictable.
I don't.
Your boy Ricky Jerret has once again comprised me.
But this time, guess what.
He also compromised himself.
Well, you're right about that, he sure did, and he's willing to suffer the consequences.
- Which consequences? - The four-game suspension.
- We're not gonna fight it.
- Oh, oh, that's real noble.
Well, I don't know about nobility, but it is practical, and I do pride myself on that.
Practical, predictable Oh, you left out opportunistic, J! Ouch.
I'm done doing favors for people.
Well, do yourself one because he far outperformed his contract.
He's a lunatic.
- He's a cheap lunatic.
- I'll find another.
It's the devil you know, Charles.
I hate you.
You know that, J? Think of it as a personal favor for a friend.
Sorry for my tardiness, everyone.
I was dealing with nonsense.
You look like Jack the Ripper after a night out.
Mm, I don't think he looks that bad.
That's actually a compliment, Nancy.
Uh, so, um, Nancy, was our offer accepted? Yes! But with an addendum.
Okay, I don't know what an addendum is, do you? Yeah, it's a Latin word.
It means, like, a rider.
- Okay, is it a yes or a no? - It's a not quite.
"Not quite" sounds a lot like a no.
Well, it is, but with a stipulation.
Look, I spoke to the seller, and she's no longer willing to break up both lots.
What is the issue? There are now multiple offers.
You fucking let that bitch leverage our offer? Ooh.
Now, Joe, let's watch the volume.
- Open plan.
- Oh, yeah.
Sorry, I have to speak at a certain decibel level in my own fucking office now.
Joe, there was no way of avoiding this.
Yes, there was, Nancy, to not make the offer in the first place.
You wouldn't get the property! We should take this as a sign from Jesus that we can walk away from this messy deal without any stink on our fingers.
I would just take a deep breath and I would buy both parcels.
We should find something more in our economic range.
Do you wanna do that, Joe? Do you wanna take both off the table? Shut the fuck up, Nancy, actually! So? Tell her to shove both lots up her ass.
You're making a big mistake, Joe.
- Nancy - Go fuck yourself.
Oh, shit.
What up, J? No, Rick at the counter paying for his Gooses.
Well, tell Ricky his career is more important - than his Slides.
- Yo.
Retail therapy? Well, shit.
Clearly, I'm stressed.
- You talk to Chuck or not? - I did.
Well, what was his mood? - Pretty fuckin' foul.
- Shit.
I knew I shoulda gone to see him, handled it personally.
That's it, they clipping me, right? - They're extending you.
What'd you say? I called in a favor.
Made it personal.
We just agreed to a two-year deal.
I took the liberty of saying yes.
I hope that's okay.
Hell, yeah.
How much? - Seven over two.
- Lovely.
- Any guarantee? - Come on, Rick.
Nothing in life is guaranteed, you know that.
No, you know what? That's facts.
Big facts, man.
You right, J.
Thank you so much.
I'm glad I didn't have to go over there and handle it personally.
Go spend some more of that dough.
You a lucky motherfucker.
Shit, you the lucky one.
I was about to whup your ass.
Me? I'm blessed as [TIRES SCREECHING.]
During the summers, we'd go to the swimming hole.
Like most kids with nothing, it was the only thing to do during a hot summer day.
My brother was always the most daring.
One day, to impress William, because I was always trying to impress my brother How high you think it is? 35 feet? Maybe more? You wanna jump? Depends.
You going first? I sure ain't following you.
Talk a big game for a little man.
Nothing scares me, big bro.
You ain't gotta show off for me or nothin'.
I believe ya.
Seein' is believin'.
Overtime and overdue Ain't no sleep, that is old news Old news Been outside that's with the crew You jump from 50 feet, that water feels like concrete.
It was one of the hardest hits I ever took.
Broke my arm and a few ribs.
My brother had to jump in to save me.
I need my peace Take one down to hit my peak I had a problem with water ever since.
Ah, she's selling religion door-to-door, huh? - Only if it's football.
You know, I should've known they'd bring out the big gun.
Yes, you should have, and that I wouldn't let you off the hook so easily.
Look, don't kid yourself, Spencer.
This is the opportunity of a lifetime.
Ah, it depends on whose life you're talking about, Candace.
Oh, wow.
You really have had too much success.
Ah, I sold my soul to get it, and I didn't have one to sell.
Well, introspection is a good thing, but take a 30,000-foot view.
I don't wanna be a puppet, Candace.
The system's broken, you know that.
The only way to change it is to be a part of it.
And by the way, you are as much of a good old boy as any of 'em, Mr.
Macho Football Player, Hall of Famer, Banger of Heads, and Ah, don't say it.
They are you in the most perverse sort of way.
I just care about the players gettin' their due, that's all.
CBA is comin' up fast, and I'm hearing there might be a strike, and maybe there should be one.
Look, Spencer, you can be in denial, but this this is the culmination of your career.
It's for your father, who worked a dead-end job for years, and your brother, who died long before his time.
This is for every guy who couldn't beat the system, the league.
You did.
Congrats! And what if I don't wanna be a savior? What if I want that for somebody else? Face it, Spencer, this is your destiny.
For some people, it's being a father.
But you? It's being the first black majority owner in league history.
Crack the ceiling.
Don't be a fool.
You can do it your own way, on your own terms.
Hold on one second.
Hey, buddy.
Been a while.
Hey, I know you're checked out and relaxing these days, so I'll make it quick.
I'm thinking about expanding.
Wanna build a campus, sort of a Sports X mecca for training and You know what? It seems really interesting, but I'm gonna have to call you back, Joe.
I'm in the middle of something big.
I'm about to buy the Kansas City Chiefs.
We're buying both fuckin' lots.
More so than me All right, I'll do it.
I'll be the team, but I'm gonna run the motherfucker my way.
I'd expect nothing less.
Understands this pain - [GLASSES CLINK.]
- BOTH: Cheers.
I'm either too lost Or not lost enough Hmm.
I think I'm too smart For this type of love Some people think I'm fearless, reckless, even.
But straight to the ground That's the way I played the game.
That's the way I've done a lot of things.
Is one with no crown But don't kid yourself.
I've been driven by fear like so many others.
Don't know where I'll go Because the fear of losing far outweighs the hope of winning.
But I know my limits and you're not the type To be fooling around in this way Everyone has fear.
The difference is what you do with it.
Not as easy to know as it's easy to say 'Cause to my family and my friends I can't think of one thing that I gain But more for me And more for me More For me Age 14 at midnight I hear voices from the kitchen I let my feet follow the sound As I let my ears listen I walk upstairs and at the kitchen table I can see that God is sitting with the Devil Sharing drinks and old stories The floorboard creaks A red embarrassment floods all throughout God's face He swears that it's not what it looks like Then he swears he can explain The Devil speaks, your God and I Put all our differences to rest And though man's actions are his own But man will blame us nonetheless The Devil stands, he grabs his keys And straightens out a rusted crown He tells me hell is frozen over Heaven burned down to the ground And you have only got one life So do with it what you would like We solemnly apologize but we won't be there when you die And I stand cold and alone In a body that won't move Watching the eyes of these gods that I once knew One pair looks down in a halfhearted lie While the other looks straight into mine With a whole truth Lacking the fear I've been told that God deserves I say what good is a prayer that goes unheard (DRAMATIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC) Thinking about making a move.
Unpopular move.
What if we bought a franchise? (HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYS) Everyone has a dream, but how do you make that dream a reality? We are about to break ground.
HYPEBEAST is coming to the launch.
You know, people just don't hand things over.
We gotta get you focused on your day job.
Gaming can be my day job.
- At the end of the day - Y'all on the same page? As long as it's mine.
just gotta fucking take it.
It ain't gon' be no problem ("NO PROBLEM" BY PUSHA T PLAYS) - I hate that guy.
- Are you jealous? Of course not.
That would be crazy.
The owners want you gone.
We've got three billion riding on this.
Spencer, for the record, this is my house.
We're in crisis mode.
Take you down ain't gon' be no problem Excuse me.
You can't go in th Someone call security.
Better tell them to bring everyone.