Barry (2018) s01e01 Episode Script

Barry Barry Barry, wake up buddy.
- Fuches? - Hey.
How long were you watching me sleep? Money from the Rochester job just cleared.
One less bad guy in the world, nice work.
As usual Barry.
Oh, well he was in bed so it wasn't work exactly.
Then why did it take two days? - Ah, I was doing a recon - Ah.
to make it clean.
Or were you laying around the hotel room like at Sioux Falls last month or Saint Paul before that All these extra expenses, they add up, - Barry.
All right.
- Okay.
Oh God, I'm worried about you buddy.
This shit heap looks like the old Barry, before he had a purpose.
Oh no, I just I think I'm just burning out.
- Mmm.
- Thinking how maybe I need a break.
- Hey, you know what I think? - What? I-I think what we should do is shake things up a little bit.
You know, so instead of burning another small town hood in some snowed in rust belt shithole, what do you say to a little trip up to sunny Los Angeles.
You came here to give me an assignment? It's the Chechen mob! Come here.
A guy, by the name of Goran Pazar, needs an outsider to handle.
Something embarrassing.
It's great money.
Get us a lot closer to where we need be to hang it all up some day.
Wh when you think I'll be? The plane for L.
A.
leaves in four hours.
I will have a car waiting for you at the Ontario airport But Ontario wait, isn't that like a two hour drive? You catch it, you know, flying into LAX.
We gotta cover our tracks, right? - Why because it's cheaper, or? - Because it is smarter Barry.
Well, how much cheaper was it? Bim by PetaG, PopcornAWH & chamallow Hey Barry, Fuches.
Probably still on the plane, but, ah, welcome to California buddy.
Hey, my guy said he left the car in space 408.
I told him you are my best guy, so he should hook you up.
He said the car is dope.
So, enjoy that buddy.
When you meet Goran, don't be afraid to sell yourself.
Remember that liquor distributor in Canton, you stabbed in the nut? I think Goran's the kind of man, who would find something like that intriguing.
So work it into the conversation, to make him aware that, you know, you'll go there.
Oh fucking dick Fucking dick! Hey man, you must be Barry.
I'm NoHo Hank.
I trust the flight was good, no? Are you hungry? I mean you want a Submarine sandwich? If you're thirsty, we've got juice boxes, Hawaiian punch, or maybe beer or something? So we're gonna do this outside if that's okay.
His daughter has some friends over, huh? They're watching their Jessie.
Why, did the bowling alley run out of shoe freshener? We haven't been in L.
A.
long, but we've made a lot of progress.
The Harbors, identity theft, map, 99 Cent stores.
Business has been going great.
Recently personal matters cropped up which needs to be kept separate from the business, so we called you.
- This is Ryan Madison.
- - He's a physical trainer in Silverlake.
- He works with Goran's wife Oksana.
They've been training together for What do you think? What you thinking, two-three months? Hmm? Yeah? Over the past few weeks the sessions became more frequent.
Goran asked me to follow her, and I became aware that they were taking up at a Holiday Inn in Studio City.
I snuck a lipstick camera similar to this one, in the room, and got this.
Maybe don't want to see this.
Turn it off.
- Turn it off! - Come on - I wanted to give him the whole - He gets it.
You already said they are taking up in hotel.
- Why show footage? You are just impressed - It's important for him to know.
- with yourself for planting camera.
- I'm not - impressed Okay.
- Trash that footage! - So you guys want him gone? - Yes.
- Good, okay.
- We pay you No, you don't pay me anything.
Fuches takes care of the money.
I just need his name, an address, and it'll be done in a couple of days.
- That sounds good.
- All right.
Now, there's a lot of ways I can, uh do this for you.
Um One of them is I could stab him in the nut.
That's something I-I did once, and I'm very comfortable doing it again.
- What? - Or not.
- Why? - Forget about it.
Who would want this? - Can't you just shoot him? - Yeah, no I - Because being shot is very painful.
- Yes.
Have you ever been shot? Ha! I have, it's like crazy painful.
Anything is better than stabbing guy in nuts.
Uh, I'll shoot him I'll shoot him.
I'll shoot him.
Okay.
Goran I think he's going to shoot him.
No silencer.
Thanks, dudes.
Fuck you too! Fuck you too! Don't you fucking call me "lady"! Don't you fucking call me "lady", you fucking asshole! You motherfucker! Fuck you too! Don't you fucking call me "lady"! Fuck you to.
.
! Who are you? What are you doing out here? Shit! I lost my place.
Dammit! Sally, he's ready for you.
Shit! Fuck! Thanks a lot.
Strong strong stuff you got here.
Boy.
Oh.
What you go wrong with you, you need all this stuff? - You motherfucker.
- What? You fucking asshole! Who the fuck are you?! Who the fuck do you think you are? Please, lady, why don't you just try to calm down.
Bullshit! Bullshit! - It's false, Sally.
- I, look, I-I know, I-I-I got thrown out right before I was about to go on.
- I-I was outside going - Excuse me.
I don't give a shit.
Even your excuses are false.
You're up there, you're stinking up my stage, babe.
What the fuck do you want?! Um - the prescription.
- Not Linda, you.
Little Sally Reed from Joplin, Missouri.
What do you want?! - To be an actress.
- Again! I don't believe you.
It's all I ever wanted in the whole world.
Oh really? Except you don't think you're going to make it, do you? I mean that's what you told me.
Oh yeah.
Last week.
She takes me out for a cup of coffee after class, starts to cry, snot running down her nose, all of a sudden she said 'I'm not gonna make it' I'm telling you I was embarrassed, it was pathetic.
Here is a person who's spending her money, she doesn't have any talent whatsoever.
This chick shouldn't even be in this class.
- I cannot believe - That is not fair Gene! Don't think.
Just finish the scene.
Don't you call me "lady".
I come in here, I give these things to you, you you check.
I'm sick! I have sickness all around me, and you fucking ask me my life?! Have you seen death in your bed? In your house? And then I'm asked fucking questions.
What's wrong?! Suck my dick! That's what's wrong.
Shame on you.
Shame on you.
Suck my dick.
End scene.
- You know that I had to do that, right? - Mmm.
- You know I love you.
Ooh.
- Mmm.
All right.
That was something.
Now, as beautiful Sally just demonstrated, that's what this class is about.
Life! I want you to create a life right here on this stage.
I mean, we're not here studying some fucking TV commercial acting That's not why you came to L.
A.
, is it? You didn't move all the way across the country for that.
This is the theater Now let's give her another round, she deserves the praise.
Yeah! Hey, man, are you new to this class? I haven't seen you before.
I'm Ryan, Ryan Madison.
Listen, I was supposed to put up this thing with Matt Kennedy but he got a catering gig so, could you help me out? - Ryan, you're up! - Uh Where's Kennedy? He's not here, but I'm going to do the scene with him.
Grab a seat there, boy.
Grab yourself an egg roll.
We got everything here from a diddle-eye Joe to a damned-if-I-know.
Mean you ate before you came on down here, ol' fool, is that it? Nah, I don't think so.
I think you're too scared to be eating.
See, you ain't even sat down yet.
On that TV over there, since you been in the room, is a woman with her titties hanging out.
Now, I know I'm pretty but I ain't as pretty as a couple of titties.
What's in that envelope is for my peace of mind.
My peace of mind is worth that much.
Not one penny more.
Not one penny more.
It's empty.
End scene.
Whoa, wow! - Yeah! Woo! - Come on! Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! Woo! Who are you? - Barry.
- Barry what? - Berkman.
- Well, Barry Berkman, you just used up your one free audit class.
You want to be here on Thursday, you better prepare a monologue.
You understand? Wow.
Okay who's next? Hey hey, Barry.
Hey, I just I wanted to say sorry for snapping at you back there.
- I-I-I didn't realise you were an actor - Oh, I'm not an actor.
What are you gonna do for your monologue? I did the scene from The Blind Side.
You know the one where Sandy Bullock interrupts football practice.
"This team is your family, you protect his blind side".
Do you remember that? It won her an Oscar.
- I'm not doing a monologue.
- What would be a good mono for you? Let's go brainstorm.
A bunch of us are going to Residuals.
What's Residuals? What if you did Robert Duvall from Tender Mercies? Oh, yes, yes.
The one where he's talking with his daughter.
- You should totally do that.
- Or or Brad Pitt from Fight Club.
- Oh, I love it, yes.
- You know, to me, the most important thing is honesty.
Like, whatever you can bring your truth to.
Wait, what is that Kevin Spacey movie you know the one where he's the bad guy and he's got the limp? Oh! Oh, my God, The Usual Suspects.
- Indian guy? In India? - Oh, Indiana Jones? - It's The Usual Suspects.
- Ah, American Beauty - K-PAX.
- K-PAX.
- Usual Suspects - Did you just move here, Barry? Uh, yeah, from Cleveland.
- Huh, cool.
- Oh, wow.
Well, welcome to Los Angeles.
Oh, are y are you from L.
A.
? - Nobody's actually from L.
A.
, Barry.
- Oh, I am though, - remember, 'cause - Nick is from Florida.
- Go Gators! - Jermaine's from, uh - Denver.
- Denver - and Antonio here, he's from, um - Puerto Rico.
Puerto Rico, yeah, he just booked CSI.
It's true.
I'm playing a dead body on that show.
Next time I'm gonna play somebody who's alive.
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- Yeah you will.
- It's about talent - Right.
- for sure, but mostly it's about passion.
I mean, do you think Meryl Streep and Kaley Cuoco became stars - just because they're the best? No.
- Yes.
No.
- It's because they wanted it the most.
- Wanted it the most.
Look, there's always a million reasons not to do something, Barry, but if you want it go for it.
Mmm! My girlfriend dates a manager at The Standard, so if you have bar tending experience or lie and say you do, I can get you a job there.
Oh, I have a job.
Sales.
Auto parts.
- Huh.
- Ah.
- That's cool.
- Different.
- Mmm! - I don't have the time.
Oh my God, look at Lydia.
She's out there all by herself.
- Oh.
- Come on, let's go dance.
- Okay.
- Oh, I I don't dance.
Bullshit.
Yeah you do.
I can tell you want to dance.
Okay.
No pressure.
You'll know where to find me.
Barry Berkman.
Barry Berkman.
You gotta change that name.
I changed my name.
My real name's Richard Krempf.
Ryan Madison sounds way cooler.
Barry Berkman.
It's too plain.
You sound like an accountant or something.
You want something people can remember.
I got the perfect stage name for you.
What? Mmm Barry Block.
- Barry Block? - Yeah.
- I don't get it.
- Yeah, 'cause when I look at you, I think of a block.
- Hey, Barry.
Hey, hey.
- Yeah? Can you drive him home? He has like seven DUIs.
- Just Good night.
- Sure.
Looking forward to your monologue.
What? Come on, you gotta take this class, bro.
- I-I-I I don't think I can.
- It's not that hard, here Look, it's all in the book.
This is your new bible.
Gene's teachings changed my life.
So you you go home, you Google great monologues, you choose one and I'll help you prepare before tomorrow.
You're going to help me with my audition? Why? Ah, you're my scene partner, bro.
We've rocked it out today.
You were so chill, you just let me do my thing.
You're a very generous performer.
I am? Totally.
So, I will see you tomorrow, scene partner.
Woo! Mmm.
What the fuck?! Ryan Madison Barry Block! What the fuck? They were hugging.
- Hey, Fuches.
- Hey, buddy.
I'm outside, open up.
You're here? So, this is NoHo Hank, the guy wakes me up last night, says you and your mark were hugging.
- They saw that? - Oh, yeah.
Look, look, look, something really, really cool happened, okay.
- Okay.
- I followed Ryan yesterday and, uh, he went to this theater to take an acting class and I ended up doing a scene with him from True Romance.
True Romance is a movie.
Yeah, it's L.
A.
theater so I guess all the scenes they do are from from movies.
Point is, I was really good.
And, uh, afterwards I-I hung out with all them.
- Them? - The acting class - and they're super nice.
- The whole class, including the guy you're supposed to burn? Ryan Madison, yeah.
No, he's a great dude.
And, uh, I don't know, they just made me feel really good about myself, you know and, uh You know how you and I talk all the time about my purpose, You think acting could be your purpose? I don't know I just I don't I just feel really motivated right now or something.
- It made me feel really good.
- Okay, but what about what we do together, Barry? Well, you know they told me a very small percentage of actors actually make a living acting, you know, so most of them have day jobs, so I just figured I'd do night hits.
- or something - Whoa, whoa, whoa, just sit.
Okay.
Now, Barry acting is a is a very face-forward type of job.
It's it's a direct conflict to being someone who anonymously kills people.
You want to have a hobby or something, you could take up painting.
You know, Hitler painted.
John Wayne Gacy painted.
It's a good solid hobby.
Never got in the way of what they're doing.
These are professional actors and they're the real deal and they say I got something.
No, I get I get it, I get it, but I think you gotta think this thing through.
I mean, you wanna you wanna go out there and try to burn a guy and have him say, "Hey, there's the guy from the chicken commercial".
I don't know if I'd do commercials.
Barry when you decided to do this for a living you closed the door on being able to do anything else.
You're a killer, Barry.
You kill the bad guys.
Yeah, but this Ryan guy wasn't a bad guy.
- He lent me a book.
He's - No, no, no.
Stop thinking.
Kill Ryan.
These Chechens are the scariest people I have ever worked with and they're talking about taking you off this job.
Off the job? I'm sorry, but I don't feel like dying over some wannabe actor.
Yeah.
No.
Yeah.
This is what you do.
This is all you do.
You understand? Yeah.
Okay, good.
- Hey, Mr.
Cousineau.
- You weren't in class today.
- Yeah, no, I know.
- Ryan was very upset.
Yeah, no, I, ah I gotta leave town.
I'm so sorry to hear that.
Hey, Mr.
Cousineau, uh, I was wondering, um do you think I was good enough to be in your class.
No Barry I don't.
What you did was dog shit.
I mean, really, really awful.
Dumb acting, I'd call it.
Do you know why? Because acting is truth and I saw no truth.
So, here's my advice to you.
You go back to whatever nook of the world you call home and you do whatever it is you're good at.
Because this is not it.
You wanna know what I'm good at? I'm good at killing people.
You know, when I got back from Afghanistan I, ah was really depressed.
You know, like I didn't leave my house for months, and ah this friend of my dad's, he's, uh he's like an uncle to me.
He, uh he helped me out and he gave me a purpose.
He told me that that what I was good at over there could be useful here and, uh it's a job.
You know.
All right the money's good, and, uh these people I take out like they're they're bad people, you know, like they're pieces of shit.
Um But lately, you know I've like, I'm not sleeping and, ah that depressed feeling's back, you know.
Like like I know there's more to me.
.
than that.
Maybe, I don't know maybe there's not.
Maybe this is all I'm good at.
I don't know.
Anyway, forget it.
I'm sorry to bother you.
What's that from? What? Are you telling me that was an improvisation? Huh! Interesting.
Well, the story's nonsense but there's something to work with.
My class is not cheap.
- Well, that's not a problem.
- You pay in cash.
- Yeah.
- You pay in advance.
I can do that.
Next class, tomorrow, 2:00 PM.
- We start on time.
- Absolutely.
What's your last name again? Block.
Barry Block.
- You pay in advance.
- Yeah, no, I know.
Gene M.
Cousineau I look forward to this journey - Great.
Oh whoa! - Watch your toes.
What's going on guys? - .
Waste him! - Now, now, now! - Now, take the shot! Shoot him, now! - Hey Don't pull that gun on me, man.
- Come on, Cristobal! - Don't pull that gun on me.
- Take the shot! - .
No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Fuck! Oh, thank you.
Oh, wonder what's going on out there? - Do you have whiskey? - No.
We have herbal tea.
I'll have an herbal tea.
What have you got there? Oh, I've got an audition tomorrow.
I'm an actor.
So am I.
by PetaG, PopcornAWH & chamallow