Baywatch (1989) s02e16 Episode Script

"Tonight on" Baywatch: Shipwrecked again! Hey! Gilligan? I'm not yelling for Shauni.
I'm yelling for Mary Ann! I'm right here.
All those years on the island, did you and Ginger ever have a thing? What kind of a thing? Whoa! Yeah.
Yeah, that's it.
Climb up there, and that's an order.
Oh! Whoa! Hold on, little buddy! There you are.
Okay, take it away.
No way.
I can't believe it.
Hey, my cleverness doesn't stop with inventions.
I got all sorts of great ideas on how to do just about everything.
Come on.
Why don't you get really clever and fax your lunch over? Fax snacks I like it.
It's got a nice ring to it.
MAN " And that's why we didn't tell you.
Yes.
We thought you were going to panic if you knew the island was going under water.
It's my duty to protect you.
After all, I'm the strong, stalwart male, and you're the frail, helpless female.
Yes, you big, strong man, you.
Eddie, when I left you at home this morning, you were watching Gilligan's island, and now you're watching it here.
Don't you think you're just a little bit fixated? Uh-uh.
It's a different episode.
It's on different channels all day long.
Move.
You're blocking Mary Ann.
We must get organized.
How are we going to stay afloat? Why don't we build an ark, like Noah did? Well, that's a wonderful idea! We'll take the raft the men started to build a couple of months ago, and we'll put a new hut on it.
God, look at Ginger.
All those years on the same island with the same dress and she still looks fantastic.
I mean, me, you know I've got a bathroom, cosmetics.
I'm still trying to get it right.
Tell me about it.
Kidding, just kidding.
I sure do like the skipper.
But I don't know how he put up with Gilligan all those years.
I'd have fired him in a heartbeat.
Come on.
Good help's hard to find on a desert island.
How long have they all been sitting there? Too long, much too long.
Their eyes have glazed over.
Thank you.
Hey! Hey, you're supposed to be in uniform, pal.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Next commercial.
Garner, I'm surprised that you're watching this.
I just sat down to tie my shoe.
What do you say we all stop watching Gilligan and do what we're supposed to be doing, huh? Hey, hey, come on.
Don't touch that dial.
This is my favorite episode.
It's the one where the professor thinks that the island is sinking, so he devises this brilliant scheme to build a boat, and then they split just before the tide goes out.
It's great! I didn't ruin the plot for anybody, did I? I think we're going to make it.
Uh-huh, skipper.
From here on in, it looks like smooth sailing.
I feel as badly about them being shipwrecked as you do, but we've all got to get on with our lives.
Bon voyage, Gilligan.
Come on, Mitch! You ain't got no culture, Mitch.
Did I miss a meeting or something? No, Captain, we were just, uh checking out the storm report there.
The weather started getting rough.
All I see is sunshine.
Figuring out how to spend all my millions.
Oh, come on, Captain.
You've been buying a lottery ticket every week for the last two years.
What makes you think you're gonna win this time? Persistence pays off.
Besides, would I have any chance if I didn't buy a ticket? There is some logic there, Captain.
What's the jackpot up to now, Captain? $70 million.
The lines were around the block.
$70 million, and it's all going to be mine.
Move over, Thurston Howell.
Forget "Gilligan's Island," will you? We got a beachload of people out there who need to be rescued.
Come on, let's go, everybody, come on.
Man, you guys from Domino's are unbelievable.
Yes! Here you go.
Keep the change, Mike.
See you around, bud.
You, uh going to eat that all by yourself? Maybe.
Go ahead, man, help yourself.
Thank you.
So, "Gilligan's Island" was really your favorite TV show.
Was? Man, it still is, always will be.
Everybody's got their own taste, I guess.
I don't know.
Growing up an orphan, never having a family those seven people on that island became my family, Garner.
They were always there for me.
What can I say? Gilligan's Island? Yes, "Gilligan's Island.
" You really did have it rough, didn't you, little buddy? Cheap shot, man.
Look, thanks.
Next time, get some napkins.
Got to go.
Oh! Hey, hey, hey, watch yourself.
Thanks.
Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Come on, break it up, would you, huh? Get a room, huh? Whoa! Hey! You okay? You okay? What? Yeah yeah, I'm, I'm fine.
I'm a little embarrassed.
I thought it was lifeguards who were supposed to save lives.
Funny! Sure you're okay now? Yeah yeah, I'm, I'm fine.
Thanks, yeah.
Okay.
" Rescue One, this is KMF 295, over.
This is Rescue One.
McClain, we've got a report of a wave runner out off the ocean side of Anacapa.
What's he doing that far out? Pick up Kramer at Tower 15 and check it out, over.
Will do, over and out.
Straight ahead.
See it? Yeah.
Try and move as close as you can.
Okay.
Hey! Thank God you guys showed up.
What's wrong? I don't know.
My engine died, and I just can't seem to get it to kick over.
Well, let me give you a hand, see what I can do.
Why don't you slide up a little bit.
I don't know how else to do this.
This way seems fine.
Put this back in there.
Let's see something here.
Why don't you, uh, push this button here.
Give it a little gas at the same time, ready? Oh, hey, there we go.
You know what it was? Your kill switch was stuck.
Oh.
All right.
You want to ride back with us? Um No, I don't think so.
Thanks for the start, though.
No problem.
Want to give me a hand? Have a good one.
Yeah, you, too.
Thanks.
What? Crank it up and let's get going.
Come on.
It won't start.
I don't know what's the matter.
Why don't you radio for help.
Rescue One to Baywatch.
Repeat, Rescue One to Baywatch.
Radio's dead.
It's the electrical system.
What are we going to do? There's not much we can do.
Just I don't know.
There's Anacapa Island.
We'll drift into shore and wait for someone to miss us.
Great.
Well, you know, there is a bright side to this.
There is! Come on, it's romantic.
Think about it.
It's just you, me, the moon.
Huh? Well, are you sure, you wouldn't rather be stuck on the island with the girl on the wave runner? I was just doing my job.
A little too well.
Come on, lighten up.
You lighten up.
Well if you want, you can start a signal fire, and I can look for food, or I can start a fire and you can look for food.
I'll start the fire.
You look for the food.
Thought you'd say that.
Hey! Whoa, uh-oh.
Gilligan? Wait! Wait, Gilligan! Gilligan! Hey, hey, Gilligan! Hey, wait up! Hey, Gilligan.
Hey! Come on, I'm your biggest fan.
Where did that come from? Whoa! Ooh, whoa! Gilligan.
Man, it really is you.
It's me, all right.
Whoa.
Whoa.
You're hanging off a cliff.
Not for long.
Whoa! Aah! Help! Whoa help.
Am I glad to see you.
Oh, I'm kind of glad to see you, too, whoever you are.
I'm Eddie.
I'm on the island with Shauni, and Look out.
Oh! Oh, no! Help! Help! You know what? Maybe we should yell together.
Good idea.
Together! Oh, it's no use.
Shauni will never hear us.
I'm not yelling for Shauni.
I'm yelling for Mary Ann! Mary Ann? I'm right here.
Oh, man! Mary Ann and Gilligan all in the same day.
Must be my birthday.
Oh, boy, Gilligan, don't look down.
Here.
Let me help.
Give me your hand.
Come on.
Don't let go.
You mean, you guys were really shipwrecked with the Howells and the skipper and the movie star and the professor? Yep, that's all of us.
I thought you were just a TV show.
We are really glad you found us.
For years, people have been getting on and getting off the island, and we were stuck until now.
So where's everybody else? Still on the other island.
The professor, finally, was able to build a boat, but it was so small, only two of us could get in it.
And here we are, on another island, a million miles from nowhere.
As soon as Baywatch sees our signal fire here, we're as good as home.
You mean, then we're rescued? We are finally rescued? They will be here by tomorrow, to pick us up, and they'll pick you up, too.
Oh, and I owe it all to you.
It's the least I could do, Mary Ann.
Mary Ann.
Everybody, let me have your attention.
It is my privilege to introduce Gilligan and Mary Ann.
I don't believe it.
Gilligan and Mary Ann?! How do you do? When we got your radio message, We thought you'd been out in the sun too long.
It's really them.
I feel like I've known you all my life.
May I call you little buddy? Sure.
On behalf of L.
A.
County lifeguards, welcome to Baywatch Headquarters.
Wow, this place is really fancy.
Uh, Captain what happened here? $70 million happened.
That's what happened here.
You actually won $70 million? Good things happen to those who bet.
Gilligan and Mary Ann let me introduce Captain Thorpe.
From one famous person to other famous people, it is a pleasure to meet you.
- Thank you.
- I don't know about famous.
Things are sure different than they were 25 years ago.
Things are sure different than they were yesterday.
There's so much to see, so much has gone on.
Well I would show you around if you want me to.
Oh, yes, I'd like that.
Great.
Amazing.
Without any luxury whatsoever, you managed to survive.
The human appetite for syndicated television is indomitable.
You're right.
I'm hungry.
I can't wait for a hamburger and fries.
Hamburger and fries are loaded with cholesterol.
Well, nothing fancy.
I'll just take ketchup.
I can't believe how these bathing suits have changed since I've been on the island.
Lots of things have changed since you were stuck on that island.
What are you looking at, Eddie? I just I can't believe it.
You, here.
I can't believe it either.
You're a real hero.
I've been waiting forever to be rescued.
And then you came along.
It's like a dream come true.
No, no, no.
It's not "like" a dream come true.
It "is" a dream come true.
Uh, glorious day.
Be careful, my dear.
That's expensive crystal.
Champagne service for everyone.
Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to welcome you all to my new little boat the "Minnow II.
" We are here to celebrate many things.
Firstly and foremostly, my newly acquired enormous wealth.
Secondly, the rescue of our good friends, Gilligan and Mary Ann.
And thirdly, my purchase of Gilligan's rights to the shipwreck to be turned into a mini-series.
Of course, we do need a dramatic, upbeat ending to the saga of the castaways' ordeal.
Now, that is the reason for our little excursion this afternoon.
We are going to rescue the other castaways.
Yay! Mary Ann, my dear, please come aboard.
Oh, thank you, Captain Thorpe.
Garner.
You were in the Navy.
You're the skipper.
Gangway! I'm sure an old Navy man will be uniquely familiar with our waters.
Eddie, since you never finished high school, you're the first mate.
Skipper! And now, let's be off before interest rates come down.
Well said.
Shauni? Egad! Captain Thorpe, I heard about the mini-series, and I was so hoping there might be a part in it for me.
Well, we'll see, my little peach blossom.
We'll see.
You never wanted to be an actress.
Things change, Eddie.
And besides, you already have the girl of your dreams.
Shauni! Skipper, if you don't mind, history awaits.
Shauni.
Gilligan.
Thank you, my dear.
Thank you, my dear.
Hey, watch it.
Cast off all lines.
What's a line? Untie the rope.
Oh, Gilligan! Bye.
Bye! Bye.
Bon voyage.
Ah, the thrill of the open sea, a beautiful woman what could be more invigorating? It's very exciting, Captain Thorpe.
I, uh, found the inertial navigation system to be quite impressive on board.
I think with such an array, we should have no problem locating the castaways.
Oh, indeed.
Direct from NASA, very, very expensive.
I think I'll go inside and double-check the charts.
Do that.
- Captain Thorpe.
- Yes? I was watching TV last night, and all I could find on was these little guys with mustaches going "Pluee, bonk-bonk-bonk!" That' wasn't television; that was a video game.
Oh.
And then somebody changed the channel and they didn't even get up.
- A remote control device.
- Ah.
And then I saw a young woman, and she was wearing her underwear on the outside.
That was Madonna, a very famous singing person.
Then she ought to be able to afford clothes, huh? Gilligan, hey, Gilligan! Can I ask you a question? You just did.
Well, uh how long have you known Mary Ann? Well, you know, we were marooned on an island for 25 years, and you get to know somebody pretty good that way.
Yeah.
Well, I've only met her for one day now, and, well, I think I don't know how to say this.
Well, when we didn't know how to say anything, we always asked the professor, and then he'd say it, and nobody'd understand it.
Right, right.
Yeah, well, anyway, well, I guess the only way to say it is to just tell you.
I love Mary Ann.
You love Mary Ann? Well, I think I do.
I think I do.
I mean, what do you think she'd say if I told her? If I were you, I wouldn't do it.
You wouldn't? No.
If I were me, I'd do it.
You? Wait a minute.
- You love Mary Ann? - Yeah.
Well, you were on an island with her for 25 years, and you never told her? Well, the timing never seemed right, but now that you brought it up, I think I'll tell her right now.
Uh-oh.
Gilligan! Gilligan, Eddie, batten down the hatches.
We've got rough weather approaching.
There's a big storm coming! I hope they packed the battens.
I'll go help the skipper.
Right behind you.
Here.
There we go.
Here.
Oh.
There we go.
Come on.
See, there she blows.
We can't outrun it.
We're gonna have to sail right into the eye of the storm.
Everybody, hold on! Whoa! Gilligan, go below and break out the lifejackets.
Aye, aye, skipper! Batten down some hatches or something.
I got you, Gilligan! I think we're gonna capsize! I got your legs, Gilligan.
Okay, now hold on, little buddy.
I got you.
Skipper and Mary Ann, skipper and Mary Ann! Don't let go.
Get him.
Somebody grab his legs.
Set him down.
Oh, gee whilliker! Nice hat! My hair! We thought we lost you there, little buddy.
Could be worse could be raining.
Oh, you had to say it.
You had to Oh! I'm sorry, skipper.
Hang on, hang on, careful! Shauni, Shauni, get back, get back! Professor! Professor! Hang on! Where's my shoe? I lost my shoe.
Hold the wheel.
I can't hold it.
Yep, yep, yep.
Shipwrecked again.
But at least we're all safe.
That's the important thing.
Oh, gosh.
Skipper, what are we going to do? I just bought my first corporation Thorpe's Corp and I so wanted to be there.
This morning they're putting my name on the door.
What about the movie? They could give my part to somebody else.
You'll get used to that being shipwrecked.
What was that? You'll get used to that, too.
I suggest that we build some form of shelter since I see no way of determining our precise location without conducting a systematic surveillance.
Harvey's right let's build shelter.
Won't that take a long time? Not if we utilize our individual abilities to maximize our efforts.
For instance, skipper, what I want you to do is get the saw from the "Minnow II" to cut down some logs for trees.
Gilligan.
Gilligan, you help him.
Eddie, gather some hemp for ropes.
Right.
Shauni, what I would like you to do is to gather some palm fronds and give them to Mary Ann to weave them together for wall panels with the hemp.
Oh, I've always been good at hemp.
Mr.
Thorpe.
Remember, I'm upper management.
Very, very upper management, I might add.
Fine, you supervise.
Everybody else, let's get to it.
Come on, little buddy.
Shauni.
What's hemp? Oh! Gilligan, we'd better get busy on these logs.
We've got to get the hut built before nightfall.
Yeah, okay.
Oh, Gilligan! Up, up, up.
Skipper, watch your toes.
Excuse me, everyone.
Up, up, up.
Okay, steady.
All right, Eddie.
One more.
All right.
Okay, Gilligan, lower the roof.
All right.
Hey, little buddy, hold on! Hold on.
Gilligan! Well done, lad, well done.
How's everybody going to fit in there? It's bigger inside.
- Huh? - Trust me.
Well, good night, Captain Thorpe.
Night-night, my boy.
Night, Harvey.
Good night, Eddie.
You know something, Gilligan? You were right.
It's a lot bigger inside than it is outside.
Told you.
Get to bed, little buddy.
Lot of work to do tomorrow.
I know what his problem is: He probably wants a story.
The skipper always told me a story.
I must have heard Jack and the beanstalk the story where jack climbs a big beanstalk he got from the magic beans, which he planted from the cow and then, all of a sudden, he meets the I know the story, Gilligan.
Is that what you want, a story, Eddie? No, no, actually.
I know "Gilligan's Island.
" And, well, I'm afraid if I try to climb up to the top, something might happen and Oh, nothing's going to happen.
Now, now, climb up there, and that's an order.
Okay.
Oh! No, no, no! Get down! No, no! Well, I guess we're going to have to give you a hand, Eddie.
There you go, see? - Nothing's going to happen.
- Yeah.
Now let's get some shut-eye.
Whoa! Eddie! Sorry, skipper.
Whoa! Egad! I told you something would happen.
Marooned on an island.
This is exciting.
Maybe for you.
I'm used to it.
You know what "is" exciting? What you do, being a lifeguard.
Oh, it's a piece of cake.
Anybody could do it.
- Oh? - Yeah.
Do you want me to teach you mouth-to-mouth resuscitation? Could you? Sure, sure.
- Gilligan.
- Hmm? Do you think I'll make a good Ginger? I don't know she was one of a kind.
All those years on the island, did you and Ginger ever have a thing? What kind of a thing? Well, you know, a thing.
Oh, a thing.
Well, did you? No.
I kind of liked Mary Ann.
Oh.
You're not the only one! Oh, no.
I never told her how I felt, and now it's too late.
Oh, no, it's not too late.
Look at them.
What am I going to do? You're going to do exactly what she's doing to you.
You're going to make her jealous.
- How? - By fighting fire with fire.
Huh? Oh! - Ooh, oh! - Yeah, that's it.
Thank you, Eddie.
That was very instructive.
I can't wait to show Gilligan.
Yeah, Gilligan.
You two have spent a lot of time together.
You must be pretty tight.
Well, it's kind of funny.
I never told him before, but I think I'm in love with him.
I wish I knew if he felt the same way about me.
Well, I guess that answers the question.
Gilligan! What are you doing? I think it's fairly obvious.
Are you jealous yet? Jealous? Well.
I'll show you how jealous I am.
Well, what do you think of that? I'll show you what he thinks of that.
Hmm? Oh, yeah? Yeah! I forgot to mention, this hole breaks to the left.
All things considered, it is rather peaceful here.
What could happen on a deserted island? Skipper! Skipper! Skipper! Skipper! Skipper! Skipper! Skipper, listen, you got to Oh, Gilligan! Egad, I'm putting! This is important.
So's this it's for a birdie.
What's going on here, little buddy? We want you to marry us.
Marry you?! Yes, you're the captain; you can perform the ceremony.
According to maritime law, you're right.
Congratulations! Eddie, you stand next to Shauni.
I'm not marrying her; I'm marrying "her.
" Yeah, and I'm marrying what's your name again? Shauni.
Shauni.
And I love her with all my heart.
You can't marry them! We were here first.
Yeah.
- No, no, we were here first.
We were here first.
Oh Stop it! Stop it.
Just stand next to whoever you're going to marry.
All right.
By the power vested in me No, wait, you forgot to ask if there are any objections.
Who would have any objections, Captain Thorpe? I do.
Who do you want to marry? Nobody.
I've just built a boat, though; it's down by the lagoon.
And according to my calculations, the tide is just right.
If the boat doesn't leave immediately, no one will ever get off this island.
Come on, Professor! I can't wait.
What a great little boat! Yes.
But it will only fit two.
Well, I'm sorry, skipper, but it's the best that I could do.
I had to modify the structure of the existing design by using indigenous materials and miniaturized components.
Where did the motor come from? Well, the "Minnow II" had a 300-horsepower engine.
The "Minnow III" has one horsepower.
I managed to salvage the undamaged valves and pistons and create an engine proportionally stalwart enough to ferry two passengers to civilization and bring back help.
How come it took our professor 25 years to get us off our island? I had more to work with? So it's ready to go? Well, skipper, yes, it is.
The only question is, who is privileged to go? Obviously, I go.
Why you? Because I'm rich.
Rich people are always privileged.
I believe he has a point there.
I think we should draw straws.
That's what's fair.
It's fair.
It's not right.
The longest straws go.
Well, the ones who have been marooned the longest get to go.
That's only fair.
Fair not right.
Well, according to my calculations, the tides are just right.
I suggest we launch the "Minnow III" immediately.
Pull! Keep working pull! And push.
Push harder.
- Pull! Come on, little buddy.
Come on, Professor.
I never knew manual labor could be so invigorating.
Well, I wouldn't say it was seaworthy.
There's something I meant to tell you.
What's that? That Gilligan, he's he's one heck of a guy.
Just between you and me, I think so, too.
It's not going to stop you from remembering me, though, will it? I'll never forget you.
Thank you.
Whoa! All right, push! Push! Push! Bye! Bye.
We'll be back.
- Have fun.
- Bye-bye! Take care, little buddy! Don't forget to send help! And a change of clothes! Godspeed, Gilligan.
Bye! Bye, Eddie.
South.
How about a nice banana frappe? Sounds delicious.
Well, perhaps you'd whip up another one of your mango frappes? As long as you're not driving.
Eddie? Yeah, skipper? Weren't you standing here? Isn't this your straw? It's the longest.
Yes, it was.
But I thought you said you loved her.
Maybe I did.
Maybe I always will.
Though it may not add up to a hill of beans, it's better off this way, skipper.
Oh, it's not the end of the world, little buddy.
We'll be rescued someday.
Why don't you climb up a palm tree and get us some coconuts for breakfast? Aye, aye, skipper.
Skipper? Professor, I have an idea.
How you feeling, little buddy? You called me "little buddy.
" Well, there's worse things he could call you for slipping on your own tower ramp.
Yeah.
Ooh.
You poor thing.
You had us all very worried.
I had the wildest dream.
"You" had a dream? I'm still dreaming.
I won the lottery.
You did? Yep, 58 bucks' worth.
Of course, I bought $60 worth of tickets, but it's a start.
Glad to see you're feeling better.
Thanks.
Come on, let's get you home.
You got a nasty bump on your head.
Then you're not mad at me? Why should I be mad at you? Just because you watch too much "Gilligan's island?" Come on.
No, it's Shauni Oh, what a day.
Night, guys.
Hey, hey.
Hey.
See you tomorrow, bright and early.
Come with us, Mitch.
We're going to your favorite Chinese restaurant.
Come on, Mitch.
We'll never decide what to order without you.
What is so important you got to stick around here? Thanks for the invite, but I got a heck of a lot of paperwork to do.
Besides, it's peaceful and quiet around here when you're not here.
- We tried.
- Bye-bye.
Thanks.
- See you.
- See you.