Baywatch (1989) s04e18 Episode Script

1 - Some people stand in the darkness afraid to step into the light some people need to help somebody when the edge of surrender's in sight don't you worry it's gonna be all right 'cause I'm always ready I won't let you out of my sight I'll be ready I'll be ready never you fear oh, don't you fear I'll be ready forever and always I'm always here 'Cause I'm always ready I won't let you out of my sight I'll be ready I'll be ready never you fear no, don't you fear I'll be ready forever and always I'm always here -I'm sure the lifeguards in Hawaii want C.
J.
to stay in the exchange program another week, but tell them we need her back here by Tuesday.
Will do.
Thank you for calling Don brand productions.
At the sound of the tone, please leave us a message.
Dolores, it's me.
Dolores, hey.
What did nbc say? Yeah.
They passed? What are you talk-- CBS said it's a ripoff? Hey, look.
I had dinosaur park before Jurassic park was even a book.
Abc said what? Well, what do they know? They passed on all in the family.
- Hey, you! - Hold it right there! -What? -Hey! Hey! Somebody help us out here! -Boat fire off tower 11.
It's a rescue code three.
-Help! Hey, somebody help! Could use some help here.
-Sorry, we're busy.
Hey! -Dolores, you won't believe this! I'm seeing a whole new action-adventure scene unfolding right before my very eyes.
-Ah-- uh-- no more dinosaurs! Yes, lifeguards! And they're wearing-- they're wearing bathing suits.
Lovely bathing suits.
And beautiful people, and-- listen, listen.
We're going to call it rescue bay.
Yeah! That's right.
Copyright that.
Get out.
Get it copyrighted.
I'll call ya later.
Oh, daddy take me downtown! Hey! -Son, I need your kite.
-Oh! -All right.
Get up.
-Ah! -Help! Help! -Ooh! -Help! Help! Help! -Back me up.
Take my hand.
-You guys okay? -Yeah.
See you on shore.
-Okay, let's go in.
-That was great, you guys.
Woo! -Good going out there.
-Thanks.
Did you get your man? -Yeah.
Wrapped him up and shipped him off.
-Great.
-Whoa, congratulations! This was unbelievable! Holy-- that thing you did with the kite was fantastic! It was perfect counterpoint to the action in the water.
And you were absolutely amazing! -Thank you.
Now excuse us, please.
We have to get back to work.
See you guys.
-Look, just pretend I'm not here, okay? He's alive.
-I'd rather not pretend.
-Hey, hey, listen.
Just a quick question.
Uh, you ever thought of putting monster wheels on these trucks? Oh, just a thought.
Monster wheels.
-Let me take a wild guess.
You're in the film business.
A producer.
-Well, television.
Serious television.
Don brand.
Yeah, I produce, direct, write, everything.
How would you like to-- -i wouldn't.
-Ah.
Can I ride along with you, maybe? -No.
-I-- hey, I've done ride-alongs with the LAPD and sheriff's department.
Hey! Hey, come on! Wouldn't you rather cooperate and have an accurate portrayal of lifeguards in action? -Come on, yourself.
You're talking about television.
-Who do I have to talk to to arrange something? -I don't know.
The chief.
-Chief.
Chief.
-A series about lifeguards.
I can't believe no one's ever thought of this before! Ah! Yeah, don't forget to get some of these beach hummers -what is that TV hustler guy doing on one of our trucks? -It's a ride-along.
Division approved it.
-I don't believe this.
-I sort of advised him to talk to the chief.
-You? Oh, perfect.
You.
-I just wanted to get rid of him.
-If this guy gets in the way, I'm tellin' ya.
-Well, he wants to include our boat rescue in his pilot episode.
And he's said that some of us might be able to play ourselves.
-Hello? These Hollywood-types will say anything to get a deal.
-It's not so far fetched, ya know.
- I studied drama in college.
- Oh.
-I even played medea once.
-Oh.
So you wanna be on TV, now? -I don't know.
The more I think about it, why not? Wouldn't you? -No way! 100 percent, no way! -So who make better lifeguards: Men or women? -Um, men, definitely.
Come on.
Men are better in every aspect of this job.
-Women, definitely.
We have much better instincts 'cause we can solve problems before they happen.
-Now, Matt says you're a couple.
Does that make it harder to work together? -Yeah, sometimes.
-Harder? Never, no.
It never get in the way at all.
-That's strange.
Summer said it does.
-She did? -Yeah.
That's funny.
Matt says men make better lifeguards than women.
-He did? -Hey, look.
I'm just here to observe, just go on about your business.
We'll check up back here, whatever you gotta do.
Because I don't want to affect things any way, shape, or form, okay? Hey, I just wanna-- wow, drama.
I love it.
Beautiful.
Everything I see - makes my heart beat I'm falling deep everything I see makes my heart beat I'm falling deep I'm in a lucid state of mind watching everything below you see me walking on the streets on my face there's a glow start my morning with a coffee she's in green little hottie brown hair smoking body I just smile, you can stop me I'm at the beach, in the morning fog fell in love with lululemon, walking her dog in line at the corner store knew it would last forever when she walked in the door everything I see makes my heart beat I'm falling deep everything I see makes my heart beat I'm falling deep it only took one second to know that I want you to know that I need you I hope that you'd need me too I'll be waiting for you to come over and tell me you love me that'd be too easy I'll be here waiting everything I see makes my heart beat I'm falling deep everything I see -the human drama? -Yeah.
You know, the personal side of lifeguarding.
I mean, I want this show to be as much about the people as I do about the action.
I mean, people are not gonna come back and watch rescue bay week after week unless they-- they like the people.
Unless they can share their lives.
- Nothing to do with women in bikinis? -Well, hey, doesn't hurt.
But you know, people will just not watch this show unless we tell really good stories about interesting people.
You're interesting, Stephanie.
Tell me a good story.
Tell me a personal story.
-Well, I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but Mitch and I dated when I first started lifeguarding here.
And then we split up.
Well, actually, I left.
See, I was married at the time, but Mitch didn't know.
Well, actually, I was separated.
Is this boring to you? -Oh, no.
Please keep going.
-So I finally got divorced and when I came back to work at Baywatch, it was really awkward because I was Mitch's boss.
But now, everything's fine.
But it was really dramatic at the time.
-Oh, drama.
I love drama.
-Look, come on, Mitch.
-Oh, no, no, no.
-Everyone's told me about their personal life.
Why won't you? -Look, let's get one thing straight.
I don't want anything to do with this.
Got it? -Yeah.
Okay.
So you ever had an affair with a colleague? -Are you deaf? -No.
I'm just persistent, man.
Look, come on, Mitch.
We gotta get together on this thing.
Life is short and so is my shooting schedule.
Look, I'm only going to be shooting on your beach here for two days.
-You're filming an entire pilot in two days? -No.
An entire presentation, you see? Networks don't splurge on pilots anymore.
It's just a little ten minutes.
You slap together a scene, some dialogue, a main title, you know.
And they either put you on the fall schedule, or pow, you're a ghost.
-Based on ten minutes? -Hey.
This is gonna be the best ten minutes they've ever seen.
See, look.
I got a feeling about you, Mitch.
Look, wait, wait.
I want you to play Mike tower.
-Who? -Mike tower, the character I'm basing on you.
I want you to play him.
-Forget it.
-No, wait! Look, man, c'mon! You could be a big star! You've got everything.
The hair, the eyes, the sex appeal, the hair.
-Thanks, but no thanks.
-Look, look.
Well, hang on.
I'm telling you, you could do this.
Trust me.
-Trust? Look, I don't know what it's like in Hollywood, but in my world, trust has gotta be earned.
-Trust has gotta be earned? I like that line.
That's pretty good.
What is it? In my world, trust is-- is what? Say it again.
Trust has got to be earned.
-Trust has got to be earned.
Solid.
Look, if you change you mind we're casting tomorrow-- tomorrow morning.
-Yeah, here.
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
Thanks.
-He's coming right now.
Ask him.
- No, you ask him.
- Ask him.
-Mr.
Brand? -Yeah? -Who's gonna be playing Matt and me? -Oh, your characters are already cast.
I've got Elaine Elliot, David battle, big day-time soap opera stars.
Huge following and they both have network deals.
-Isn't he that real muscle-bound guy? -Yeah, but I mean, he's kinda sensitive and did I mention he has a network deal? -Well, what is she like? -Mm, I dunno.
Cute, perky, athletic, and a big network deal.
- Network deals? - Hey, Stephanie.
- Hi.
-Hey.
I thought you'd be out there auditioning.
-See those two women over there? Mm-hmm.
-They're network casting directors.
They're gonna have everyone run and swim first, and then, they'll narrow down the field.
-Don wants me to go last so I'll stand out by comparison.
-Mhmm.
Why are the actresses all blonde? -Um.
I guess so I'll really stand out.
-Hey, listen, sweetheart.
Just a little last minute coaching, okay? When you get out there, just be yourself.
If you do, you'll blow the competition away.
-Um.
Don, we were just wondering, why are all the actresses blonde? -Well, the network wants your character to be blonde, but there's no problem there because we can just dye your hair.
Ya know, you just go out there and be you.
-And you.
Man, I got a guy that looks so much like you, he's even more you than you.
- Probably Wesley snipes.
- Uh, more like sherman hemsley.
See ya.
-By the way, you know, Stephanie, Mitch's character's goin' first.
Uh, where is he? -Uh, he's busy.
Very busy.
-Couldn't bare to watch, huh? -You got it.
- Maybe it's the way you move that keeps me up at night cause baby you're the dream I want to be just like maybe I can get it right just gotta check out the view hey! I wanna be just like you yeah! You make it look so good I can hardly believe it's true you do it with your own style I wanna be just like you you're taking me higher and higher baby you know it's true I wanna be just like you maybe it's the countdown 'cause I'm running outta time I get a little closer to getting it right baby you're the real thing and what I know is true I wanna be just like you - yeah! Gonna go the extra mile wanna check out the view do with it a little style I wanna be just like you taking it higher and higher baby you know it's true I wanna be just like you - yeah! And if I fall know I'll try again someday I'm gonna ride the highest wave yeah! You make it look so good I can hardly believe it's true you do it with your own style and I wanna be just like you you're taking me higher and higher baby you know it's true I wanna be just like you wanna be just like I wanna be just like you yeah I wanna be just like I wanna be just like you yeah -hi.
-Garner Ellerbee, meet sly hutchinson.
-In person, my brother.
Large and in charge.
- This is unbelievable.
- This is unbelievable.
- Oh yeah, I can play him with my eyes closed.
Ain't nothin' but a thing.
-Well, I'll leave you two guys alone.
Open up to him.
Before the end of the day, you won't know whether you're lookin' in a mirror or sly, here.
Hm.
-Well, what happened? Did they like me? Did I get the part? -Are you kidding? They loved you.
You knocked 'em out, I tell ya.
Listen, I'll tell you what.
I'll call you right after we make the final decision.
You should feel very good about this.
-I do.
Thank you.
-Hey, listen, I gotta go audition a victim.
-Okay.
Yes! -Come on, will you guys show me some panic? Wave your arms, come on! What are you doin'? This isn't the Joffrey ballet, move! Get the big guy to move.
-Help! Help! -Victims in the water! -Wave, come on! -Who is that? She's not on the list.
I dunno.
-Let's get her name.
-Stephanie.
-C.
J.
, welcome home! How was Hawaii? -Oh, god, the lifeguard exchange was great! But I can't believe they're filming a TV series pilot here on the beach! -I know.
Can you believe it? And the character are based on us.
-I heard.
-You know, when I was a little girl, I worshiped Kathryn hepburn and Sophia loren.
I mean, they were so strong and so beautiful.
I can't believe I may actually get the chance to become an actress like they were.
Woo, you're workin' out there pretty hard.
-I gotta firm up.
-Right now? You haven't even changed.
-Well, I got cast in the show! -You got cast? -Yeah! As a lifeguard named shelia.
My script's in the bag.
-Shelia and Mike tower embrace in front of the fireplace? C.
J.
, this is me! It's Mitch and me! I'm shelia.
-Well, Steph, I'm sorry.
They-- the casting director saw me make a rescue and she said I was perfect for the part.
-How can you be more perfect to play me than I am to play me? I'm a more perfect me than you are! -Um.
Well, the character's really only based on you.
- It's obvious that they cast you because you're blonde and built the way you are.
-That has nothing to do with it.
-I mean, this is so typical.
It just so happens that I can act.
I played medea in high school.
-Oh yeah? Well, I played medea in college.
-Look.
I don't want to fight about this.
-Well, what do you suggest that we do? -What? -What, what, what? -Which one of us is best suited to play me? -She's not you.
She's based on you.
-You can be honest.
-Don't put me in the middle of this.
-Well, it' wasn't my idea.
-Mitch, look.
This scene is about you and me.
Come on, tell us which one of us plays me the best.
Here.
You read Mike tower.
-This is about us! -I told you.
-Well, how did brand get this information? -Research.
-You told him intimate details about us? -Mitch, the only reason an audience will come back to rescue bay week after week, is if they like the people and want to share their lives.
Would you like to go first? -With pleasure.
- We can share the script.
- No, that's okay.
I know the lines.
Huh.
-Okay.
Action! -Oh! -So Mike, did I catch you on the rebound? -No, shelia.
You stole me at half court.
-Oh, so what do we do now? -Well, how 'bout a little game of one-on-one in Catalina? -How about a practice game right now? -Convincing enough? -Yeah, that was That was really good.
-Okay.
Move over.
I'll show you how it's done.
So, what do we do now? -Come on, Mitch! Concentrate.
So what do we do now? -How about a little game of one-on-one Catalina? -How about a practice game right now? -Okay, okay, okay, cut! That's enough.
-No one can play me like me.
-Well, that doesn't change anything.
The network still wants me to play shelia.
-Come on, Mitch.
Can't you talk to brand? -No, no.
The whole thing stops right here.
I am not gonna get involved with this.
-Mitch, please-- -Stephanie, ste-- if the network doesn't want you to play shelia, then what better person to play you than C.
J.
Because C.
J.
knows you -Yes.
And she knows her way around the beach.
-You're right.
Well, that's that, then.
Good luck, C.
J.
I guess that's all I have to say.
-Mm.
-Boo! -What, what? -Mitch, hey.
Perfect timing.
Hey, listen.
I have finally found the perfect Mike tower.
You, Mike tower, same thing.
Mitch, I want you to meet dolph apolganger.
-It is good to meet you.
-Isn't he perfect? -Could I talk to you for a minute? -Yeah, I gotta get 'ol dolphy down here to wardrobe, though.
I feel like you can show him the ropes a little while.
In fact, I want you to teach him everything you know.
In fact, I tell ya what, pal.
I'm gonna make you my number one technical main man adviser, okay? -Now, wait here.
I'll be back.
-I'll be back? Unbelievable.
This is unbelievable.
-We're ready for you in five minutes.
-Matt, look.
She's white as a ghost.
-Yeah, and he looks like a gorilla.
-We should've just played ourselves.
-Well, remember, we don't have network deals.
-Yeah, just set that up and Mark it about ten feet.
-You got it.
-Officer.
Yeah, officer.
Look, pal.
Time is money here, okay? We gotta clear the set.
-Oh yeah, sure.
-Okay? I appreciate what you do for me.
-I'll be right over here.
-Can I get a coffee? -Oh, excuse me.
- Oh, hey.
Thanks.
Bye.
- Uh, sly, we don't wear weapons that large and uh, I certainly don't walk like that.
-So what? This is TV, my man.
Look here, if I played you as you, wouldn't be nobody watchin' the show.
-Now wait just a second.
Let me tell you somethin'.
I am responsible for-- -I'll tell you what, my brother.
Why don't you take your responsibilities over there and uh, like practice a little crowd control, like a good brother.
A'ight? A'ight.
Ciao! - Baby.
- Oh, excuse me? -Oh, don't tell me you're gettin' shy on me, are ya, sly baby? -Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Um, no, baby.
You know me.
Mr.
Large and in charge.
Lucky guy.
-Whoa, hey! -Dawn? Oh, no, no, no, no.
Wait a minute, no no, uh-uh.
Wha-- wha-- what is up with this? -It's called uh, kissing, my man.
You should learn how to do it.
-Sly? Uh, baby Who are you? -Name's Garner, and it appears, Mr.
Sly, that I can play you better than you can play me.
I am not one of your stunt men, so you need to be very, very careful.
-Cool, cool, cool.
-My brother.
- All right--.
Can I have your att-- can I have your attention? Could you listen up, please? Here's what we're gonna do.
We got three camera positions on the beach and two in the water.
I wanna go all the way through this scene, so if you make any mistakes, just keep the action going.
You fake it, we'll make it.
We'll pick it up later in coverage.
Okay, let's make this.
Let's get a slate.
Camera's rolling.
- Speed.
- Sticks.
And action! -Help! -Let's go, man! Come on! Oh, hey! Watch out! - Hey! Help us! - Over here! -What is this? -Hollywood's accurate portrayal of lifeguards.
- There is a road to feeling fine we're playing a roll for wandering eyes look around at the scenery what do you see there is a ghost in your mind you want it the most when it's on your dime look around what do you see I'm not playing I'm just messing around I'm not playing I'm just messing around this time around -This is a joke.
Oh, I'm not playing I'm just messing around this time around -oh, come on.
That never happened.
I'm just messing around I'm not playing I'm just messing around -ready? Give it me.
A huge explosion, now.
Not that huge.
-What happened? -The gas tanks were suppose to be empty.
I-- maybe i-- get outta my way! -Coming through! -Keep the cameras rolling, keep the cameras rolling! Keep the camera rolling.
-Roll everywhere.
Everything we've got.
Open it up.
- Pan with that.
- Keep them in the rig -Hey, come on.
Get a close up of this.
-Still rolling.
We got it.
-You kept the cameras rolling.
-Hey, come on, Mitch.
-How dare you exploit us like that! -Look, what'd you want me do, man? Quit filming this and miss the most fabulous action sequence of the history of television? -Get you butt off my beach.
-Mitch, Mitch, Mitch! -I mean it! Let me go! -Mitch! No, Mitch.
It's not worth it.
Come on.
Mitch, Mitch! -All right, all right! -Get off the beach right now or you'll be filming the most fabulous broken nose in television history.
-All right, everybody.
That's a wrap.
-I have the tape.
I have the tape.
-Wait, wait.
Where's Garner? -Here I come.
Here I come.
Can I say, ladies and gentlemen, the lady prefers the real thing.
-Baby's got it goin' on.
-Baby's got it goin' on.
-All right.
Well, let's see if you got it goin' on in here.
Are you ready? Here we go! Rescue bay.
-Oh god, I can't watch this.
-You're gonna be so great.
All right! - Oh, come on.
- You're gonna be great.
Look at this guy! - I'll be back.
Oh, there she is.
Great shot.
-You look great! -Hey, you did a good job.
-Looks good.
-You look good.
You look really great.
Uh-oh.
Summer.
- Honey.
-He looks like a gorilla.
Give me a break! -Stop.
-Wow.
That's amazing.
-What, that's it? -That's all? -Where's the rest of the movie? -That's all brand cut together to show the network.
-Well, so what's happening? I mean, are they gonna buy it? -Nope.
They passed.
- No, they didn't think the public would be interested in watching lifeguards running around on the beach.
I'm sorry.
But they did say they were gonna sell the show to foreign countries and syndication here in the states.
-Foreign countries? Well, what's syndication? You know, like that show knight rider.
Oh yeah, I've seen that show.
-I can't believe someone actually thought of this before me.