Becker s04e01 Episode Script

Psycho Therapy

1 Last time on becker: Vinny deluca's suing me for malpractice.
So keep your answers short and to the point.
And remember, if you lose your temper, You lose this trial.
All right, all right.
Oh, you know, the hell with this! If you want to find me guilty, then just do it.
But remember, whether or not I'm a nice guy Is not on trial here.
Whether or not I'm a good doctor is, And if this court can't tell the difference, Then to hell with this court! Dr.
Becker, you're out of order.
No, you know something? You're out of order! This whole system's out of order! Hey, you know Tell that judge to get her ass down here! Let Let's see how brave she is When she's not hiding behind that bench! You know, it's true what they say-- Black is slimming.
Of course, I mean your robes, obviously, And not the fact that you yourself You're not getting out until you say you're sorry.
Oh, come on, you just let out two burglars and a pimp! They said they were sorry.
Oh, come on.
That case was ridiculous-- you know it! Now, uh Wait, wait, uh I-I'll admit that my behavior in court was Disrespectful.
And? And I'm sorry.
Okay, I'm going to let you out.
But you're going to have to see a therapist To work on your problem with authority.
A therapist? Oh, come on, you can't make me do that.
Oh, but I can.
And if you don't have this form Signed by a therapist within the next three months, You're going to find yourself right back down here.
Now, look, actually, you know, judge, I think I'm sorry, judge, uh? Reinhold.
Judge reinhold? (laughing) You're kidding.
That's the silliest And by silly, I obviously I don't mean, you know You know something, you are a very handsome woman.
Well, margaret, you can take down the yellow ribbons.
Your boy's home.
Boy, I tell you, after spending all that time Rotting in that stinking cell, It's nice to be back to civilization.
Hey, papillon, it's just been two hours.
You've taken longer lunches.
Hey, you know, I-I did my time.
And then the judge recognized she made a mistake, Said she was sorry and she let me leave.
Liar.
Your court- appointed Psychologist called.
First session, 4:00 tomorrow.
Dr.
Becker, welcome back! Oh, thank you.
Gosh, you know something? I do owe you thanks, both of you, For standing by me Throughout this whole ordeal.
Well, of course we'd stand by you.
We're like a family here.
I was always behind you 100%.
Ah.
Liar.
Linda, you have a message.
Something about a job You applied for.
Me? Job? No.
That was a Telephone survey.
They were calling people who were happy at their jobs.
And, apparently, I'm on that list.
And why wouldn't I be? I mean, I'm working with people that I care about At a job that I treasure I love you guys.
I had better friends in the joint.
Hello.
You must be dr.
Becker.
Yeah, yeah.
You must be "doctor" simmons.
I'm a ph.
D.
, but, you know, The "doctor" part is merely a formality.
Yes, I know, that's why I did "this.
" I'm sorry to keep you waiting.
I'm moving a little slowly these days.
Some lady accidentally pushed me down on the subway.
Actually, it's kind of An interesting story, you know Which you can tell me When you're paying 80 bucks an hour.
Fair enough.
Hey, you know, Let's not waste each other's time.
I'm sure you got A waiting room full of nuts to crack out there.
Just sign this form for the judge, And I'll be on my way, all right? I understand that you're impatient.
Impatient? Yeah, I once sat through A six-hour timeshare presentation Just to get a free clock radio.
I'm not impatient.
I'm just telling you that this is a waste of time.
Well, the judge seems to think That you have a problem with authority.
Now, if you would just open yourself up, I think we may be able to get some very good work done here.
I don't need work.
Society needs work.
Unless you're one of those "don't worry, be happy" people.
I might have been ten years ago when that song was popular.
But, you see, instead of getting angry, I try to meet the world halfway.
For instance, I've been trying to get my phone fixed.
Now, the repairman keeps coming when I'm with a patient.
Did I scream? Did I yell? Did you get your phone fixed? That's not my point.
You see, I simply rescheduled.
You know, doctor, um May I call you john? No.
Can you hear how hostile you are? Can you hear what a doormat you are? I-I have two ex-wives and three ex-phone companies, And believe me, there's only one way to treat people Who are hell-bent on screwing you.
As a matter of fact, I once got into this thing with my landlord.
I tell you, that son of a So I told him, "hey, my taxes pay your damn salaries.
As far as I'm concerned, you work for me.
" And this was the department of motor vehicles? What? No, sanitation.
Try to keep up, will you? And that is why we don't need canada.
Well, I'm afraid that Oh, yeah, here it comes, here it comes.
I'm afraid the world isn't perfect.
You all need to relax, take a pill, You know, get with the program.
No, what I meant was I'm afraid our time is up.
Our session is over.
Do you need validation? Certainly not from you.
I meant your parking.
Oh.
Yeah, that'd be great.
Linda, don't turn down that other job.
You can use it as leverage.
You can run becker and margaret through the ringer.
You can screw them into the ground.
They're your friends, right? But I don't really want to leave.
Although it is a new and exciting opportunity.
Wow, what kind of job is it? An assistant in a doctor's office.
Uh, linda How is that different From the job you already have? Well, for starters, they think I can type.
Hey, jake.
Hey, morning, linda.
Hey, jake, what's up? Hey, jake.
Wait till you guys hear this.
Last night, I had the most incredible sex I've ever had.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
There's a lady present.
Ma'am, you might want to go sit over there.
All right, she's gone, jake-- spill it.
Yeah, so what did this girl do? It was a girl, right? Well, because I'm blind, She was describing everything she was doing In great, vivid, nasty detail.
She didn't even touch me For the first hour.
I've been there.
You add a thick piece of glass and some quarters, And bob knows exactly what you're talking about.
Hey, guys.
Well, well, well If it isn't the centerfold for psychology today.
Have you cried about your mommy yet? You know, john, why don't you lie down And tell us all about it? Is there anything margaret doesn't tell you people? Yes.
Her business.
I tell you, this whole therapy thing's a big waste of time.
I talked, she listened.
That was it.
I mean, how's that going to change me? Don't you get what she's doing? She's treating you.
Oh, please.
It's a very common practice in psychology.
She's letting you talk to open you up.
She's making you emotionally available.
You couldn't be more wrong, reg.
Think about it, becker.
When was the last time a woman Was actually interested in what you had to say? That bitch.
Well, dr.
Becker, You have managed to sit through almost an entire session Without saying a word.
It's not the record, but it's close.
Why, what's the record? Oh, shoot! Well, now that you're talking, let's continue.
Come on, just sign this and let me go home, will you? (knocking) Oh, excuse me.
Uh, come in? Yeah, I'm here to fix the phone again.
Oh, I'm sorry, and I'm working again.
Then you're going to have to reschedule.
Again.
Here, call this number.
Uh, one minute.
Uh, I know this must be very frustrating for you, too, But would it be at all possible For you to come back tomorrow during lunch? I promise.
Just so you know, he's never coming back.
You're so quick to criticize.
Did you ever consider That maybe this was the only time he had available? Oh, yeah, and maybe he had a lousy childhood Or a crappy marriage, or his shorts were riding up.
If we as individuals don't even try To see the other person's point of view, How will the world ever become a better place? No, the world will never become a better place Until morons like that are held up to a higher standard By candy-ass pushovers like you! Look, you loud-mouthed blowhard, I don't have to sit here And listen to your insults! I am so I'm so sorry.
No, no, that's great.
Now, see, you're just as angry as I am.
Yeah, you just hide it behind that cardigan sweater And that saccharin smile.
I am not as angry as you are.
Yes, you are.
Yes, you are.
I am not.
I am not.
Yes, you are.
I am not.
I am I am not as angry as you are! And if I am, it is only Because of your smug, cocky, self-involved attitude.
I run into people Like you all the time.
You are the guy in traffic who honks his horn The second the light turns green.
You are that lady who's in such a rush To get to her stupid bingo game That she pushes me down the steps of the subway And breaks my foot! Ooh, I know you! You You are that inconsiderate bastard Who watches me run for the elevator And lets the doors close right before I get there! I didn't think you saw me.
Okay, now's your chance.
Go make your demands.
Ask for what you want.
What do I want? What everyone wants: Money, power, women.
That's what you want, bob.
Fine, fine, throw in A little something for yourself, but just go.
Margaret I think I've made no secret of the fact That I've been offered another job.
Oh, you've made it a secret.
You just didn't keep it very well.
Well, I hate to say this, But if the office can't come up with more money, I'm going to have to leave.
I'm sorry, linda, there just isn't any more money.
It's impossible.
See, that's the difference between us.
You look at something and say, "why not?" I look at something and say "why not?" That doesn't make any sense.
Why not? (groans) Hi, jake.
Hi.
Hi, jake.
I'm holding the door open for two ladies.
Mm-hmm, yes, margaret and linda.
Okay, now I'm holding the door open for you, And I'm walking to the step.
Oh, here it is.
Uh-huh, I remember.
You know, I come here everyday.
(chuckling): Oh.
A strange little man Just waved and is looking at me in a dirty way.
Hi, bob.
How'd you know? Well, that's what bob does.
I'm nothing if not consistent.
Well, okay, jake, I'm going to work now.
I'm walking to the door.
Now I'm opening it, And now I am blowing you a kiss And waving bye-bye.
Bye, kayla.
That woman is driving me out of my mind.
Was that the talker? Oh, what was your first clue? The fact that she never shut up? She describes every single moment of every single day.
But I thought you liked that.
Yeah, it's great when we're having sex.
She just spent the past half hour Describing everyone on the subway.
You're kidding! Not seeing those freaks on the a train Is one of the perks of being blind.
Hey, reg, reg, get out here! All right.
Stop yelling.
What's it mean When your shrink starts ranting and raving like a lunatic? She's spending too much time with you? Shut up, bob.
Becker, don't you see what she's doing? She's not yelling at you.
She's holding up a mirror to your psyche To show you exactly what your anger looks like.
Oh, what a load of crap.
Careful, here, jake, I'm right behind you with hot coffee.
Yeah, I know you're behind me! You don't have to tell me what you're doing! I mean, why does everyone think They have to explain everything to me? I knew you were behind me 'cause I heard you clopping around In your big, ugly shoes.
Why would you say my shoes are ugly? Kayla told me.
Margaret: John? Oh! Stop sneaking up on me, will you? What do you want? You just got another strange message From your therapist.
Something about "finding the woman "who pushed her down The subway steps" and then something else About "payback time.
" What? Oh, oh, no, th-that's-that's not real.
That's just a psychological trick to show me What my anger looks like.
Why didn't she just ask me? Heads up.
Linda's coming in to demand a raise Or else she's going to leave.
I'll miss her.
John, look, I know there's no money, But I don't think she really wants to go, So just give her something.
How about I throw her a ball of yarn under that chair To distract her? I wouldn't count on that working a second time.
Dr.
Becker? Yeah I've been offered another job.
If you want me to stay, You're going to have to give me more money.
Here's what I was thinking.
And here's what I was thinking.
But that's less than what I make now.
Fewer hours? No.
Better benefits? Uh-uh.
More vacation? No.
Well, come on, You have to give me something.
How about that pen? This? This is my favorite pen.
Oh, come on, you got it free from a drug company.
All right, I got a pen! Did you give her my pen? Hi, becker.
(yelps, stammers) You never returned any of my calls.
What the hell are you doing here?! You know, when I first met you, I thought you were the one with the problem, But the more I thought about what you said, The more I saw, you might be the sanest person I've ever met.
And you got in here how? The thing is, becker, you set me free! Yeah, I'm going to set you free again.
Here's the door.
The other day, when I started yelling at you, I felt alive.
I couldn't stop.
I mean, you were right about what you said About not letting other people walk all over me.
(door slams) The things you said-- Man, they empowered me! Yeah.
Not my intention.
Oh, and you were right about that phone guy.
He never showed up.
I thought to myself, "now, what would becker do?" So I went out and got a pair of wire cutters, Went to his house and Oh, my god, you didn't cut his phone lines, did you? No! His brake line.
On his car? I mean, what happens when he tries to stop? Nothing.
Then I was really on a roll.
I did my accountant's car, My landlord's, my ex-husband's I'm telling you, becker, Once I started following your philosophy, My entire life fell into place.
No, no, I-I don't have a philosophy.
I mean, sure, I talk a good game, But that-that's all it is, just talk.
Th-there's a big difference between a letter to the editor And And a molotov cocktail.
Molotov cocktail, right! That fits in perfectly with my plans for tomorrow.
Th-that's just crazy! You can't Oh.
Oh Oh! Oh, my god! Whoa! (both laughing) I see what you're doing.
You're good.
You're very good.
You didn't do any of that stuff.
You're just holding a mirror up So I can see what my anger looks like.
Where'd you get that load of crap? Oh, my god.
You really are crazy, aren't you? Look, uh Doctor, I'm a I'm a real doctor, And th-th-this is some really good medical advice.
I-I want you to just, uh, you know, take a minute here, Try to relax, you know, take a deep breath And sign my form.
If I were you-- And I'll be damned if I don't feel like I am-- I would just tear this thing right up.
Oh, no, no, no.
Show the judge That you are not going to be A slave to the system.
That's what you taught me, becker, And I will never, ever forget it.
Yeah, look, uh, I wish You wouldn't go around giving me credit for that stuff.
I-I'd hate to see my name come up during a An arraignment or something.
Hi, jake! It's me, kayla.
Oh, hi, kayla.
Kiss.
By the way, I'm wearing black slacks, a red top And my hair is up.
Mm-hmm.
So, why'd you want to see me? Listen, let's sit down, kayla.
Okay.
I'm taking you by the arm, And we are taking two steps forward.
One, two.
Kayla And now I'm letting go, so that Would you please stop doing that? I don't need anyone to describe Every single detail of the world to me.
It's condescending.
I mean, the sex was good, but Don't take this personally, The sound of your voice makes my skin crawl.
Jake, I have a total look of surprise right now.
Kayla, You're a nice person Kayla Kayla? You still there? Yeah, she's here, But she looks really pissed.
Now she's going to the door.
No? Something caught her eye.
Uh-oh.
It's a large pitcher of ice tea.
Now she's walking back to you.
Wh-what's she doing now? I'm sorry, jake, I-I just remembered You don't like people describing things to you.
Ah, it's just too good to keep to myself.
She poured it in your lap! Thanks for walking me to the bank, becker.
I always get nervous when I have A whole week's worth of receipts.
Well, don't be too grateful.
I'm not going to be a hero over 40 bucks.
Simmons: Hey, hey, you! Slow down! Speed limit's 25! Uh W-wait here for a minute, will you? Hey, you! You're jaywalking! Becker! What are you doing out here? Exactly what you taught me to do: I'm fighting a good fight! Yes, yes, I, uh I see that.
As a matter of fact, You've-you've become quite a hero of mine.
Say, I wonder, do you think you could give me Your, uh Your autograph? You just want me to sign your form, don't you? I'll give you five bucks.
Deal.
You know, becker, You and I have been on quite a journey together.
In fact, I Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Good luck with that.
Come on, let's go.
See, becker, therapy did change you.
Before you started, You would have never given money to a homeless person.
Well, you know me.
I like to meet the world halfway.
Not a chance.
Get a job, spokes.