Becker s04e09 Episode Script

The Buddy System

1 Reg.
Hey, becker.
Hey, john.
Hey, jake, how you doing? Doing fine.
So, are you ready? Yes, I am.
See you.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, w-w-where you going? Oh, don't tell me you forgot.
What? I didn't forget anything.
And, frankly, I think it's presumptuous of you To assume that I did forget.
So, go ahead, tell me, big man, What is it you think I forgot? Has that ever worked before? I'll be honest, I just came up with it.
I was talking about our bet.
You lost, you owe me dinner.
A bet? Yeah, about the fastest land animal.
You said ostrich, I said cheetah.
I was right.
No, I said fastest land animal you can make into a burger.
You can make anything into a burger.
If you only knew.
Look, you were wrong, the bet was dinner.
You said we'd go tonight.
So? So we'll go to dinner, but not tonight.
I'm, uh (coughing) I'm, uh, sick.
Oh, please.
No You know, ask them.
I'm-I'm all clammy.
I'm pale.
I'm pasty.
Oh, you always look like that.
No, seriously, I'm going straight home.
You know, I just came by for a cigarette.
You're sick and you're still smoking? Look, I got germs inside my lungs.
I'm trying to smoke 'em out, all right? Leave me alone, will you? Friday night, all right? That'll give you a whole week To build up an appetite.
Don't wait too long, becker, Your coupon could expire.
Ooh, right, yeah.
Coupon, that's right.
Make that Thursday, all right.
So, jake, since you don't have dinner plans, bob's free.
How about dominick's at 8:00? That's exactly what I want to do tonight, bob Have dinner with you.
Great, I'll see you there.
Bob, I wasn't serious.
He's gone, jake.
Maybe I should give him a call.
You know, becker, you don't exactly look sick to me.
Trust me, I got a bug, you know.
I'm just going to go home and climb into bed.
(heavy breathing) You know, laura, It's great you came over tonight.
Yeah, I'm glad it worked out, too.
I had such a stressful day.
I was stuck in meetings all morning.
Then my sister was on the phone for hours, Babbling on about her kid's first tooth.
Why do parents think it's front-page news Every time their kid farts? Switch? You know what's great about this? Yes, john, I know.
Ming's is cheap, the portions are huge, There's no delivery charge No, no, no.
I didn't mean that.
You're right, though, that is great, but, uh No, I mean this.
You know, I The last few months have been terrific.
Completely casual, you know, no strings, no pressure.
I mean, the minute you leave, It's like you weren't even here.
I bet there's a compliment in there somewhere.
Oh, no, don't get me wrong.
I like you.
It's just that I think it's great That we can meet here, have Ming's, You know, and then, uh, then move on.
Oh, yeah, about that I have an early meeting in the morning And I want to get my notes together.
Plus, there's this movie I want to watch on tv tonight.
You can watch it here if you want.
I would, but you don't have cable.
I did Till the damn cable company found out.
What's your schedule like? Let's see I have a client in town for a few days.
Then there's my cousin's wedding this weekend.
Now, see, that's another thing that's great About us not dating.
You know, I don't have to go to some banquet hall And watch your aunt shirley on the dance floor Shaking her arm fat.
So, how's next Tuesday? Let me see.
Uh Great.
Ming's Tuesday.
Hey, hey, laura.
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm always in such a hurry.
Bye, john.
This was nice.
No, no, I, I di-- I didn't mean that.
You know, you did You did have the extra dumplings, you know.
A-all right, no, you're right, you're right.
You know, you'll get it next time.
Well, somebody sounds all cured.
I guess you doctors save the best drugs for yourselves.
That's right.
Be nice to me, I'll tell you how I cured my blindness.
So, get this: I'm in a cab last night On my way to the restaurant Wait, bob, you actually went to the restaurant? I was never going to meet you.
Then I'm glad I stood you up.
You stood me up? Did you see me there? Anyway, I'm in this cab, And you know how you dig behind the seat For loose change? I mean, you figure whatever you find, If it's not all wet and slimy, you hit pay dirt.
That's disgusting.
On occasion.
Anyway I'm fishing around back there And I feel something.
And, well, check it out.
It's a ring.
Ooh, let me see.
She just hears the word "ring" And she sticks her hand out.
That's sad, Very sad.
Look what it says: "new york giants 1987 super bowl champions.
" Oh, my god, a super bowl ring.
That's why you blew me off for dinner? You're not exactly the first one I turn to for show-and-tell.
I wonder who it belongs to.
It belongs to me.
I mean, it's a super bowl ring.
That's like the ultimate symbol of personal achievement.
You know what it means to me to have something like this? What? Are you going wear it? No.
I'm going to sell it.
I always wanted to get lucky In the back of a cab, and now I have.
You're not going To try to find the guy who lost it? Why? To return it.
Why? To give it back to its rightful owner.
Are we even speaking the same language? Bob, winning the super bowl Is like a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
It must be killing whoever lost it.
Why do you even care? Because I'm a nice person.
I have compassion.
Yeah? Trying selling that on ebay.
Now, now, mom and dad, come on, How many times are we going to go through this? You're not getting divorced.
Look, is this about dad sleeping with the maid? Okay, I did not know you didn't know about that.
Are you sure these pills Are going to take care of my headaches? Yes, mrs.
What about the stomachaches? Yes, mrs.
What about the congestion? Yes, mrs.
Well, what about the nagging pain? Mrs.
Goldman, I promise, your pain will go away.
I know mine just did.
Dad, what was that screeching noise? Are you wearing your driving glasses? What do you mean they're in your pants pocket? Of all the things you should keep in your pants, Your glasses are not one of them.
Linda, who's up? Look, just call me when you get home And stop all this divorce talk, okay? Love you, daddy.
You want to knock off the personal phone calls? What makes you think that was a personal call? "love you, daddy.
" That could be anyone.
Good point.
Uh, mr.
Reilly's in room one.
Linda I'm sorry about your parents.
That's okay.
It happens a few times a year.
Dad cheats, mom drinks to forget.
Then, when she does, dad figures he can cheat again.
Still, it must be tough on your mother.
So you're taking her side? Do you know what he has to put up with? I mean, the mood swings, the drinking, the fights in public.
I guess that would be difficult.
So now you're taking his side? I No, linda.
I'm just concerned about you.
So now you're taking my side? No I'm just saying, It seems like a big mess that needs to be cleaned up.
Oh, that's great, margaret.
Blame it on the maid.
Jake, I've been thinking about this ring.
If I hadn't been on my way to the restaurant to meet you, I never would have been in that cab And I never would have found the ring.
So I'm going to give you first crack at it.
Make me an offer.
I don't want the ring, bob.
Reggie, I've been thinking.
If I hadn't been in your place Before I went to meet jake, I never would have been in that cab And I never would have found this ring.
Not interested.
Are you kidding? I'm giving you a shot at a 100% authentic, genuine It's a fake, isn't it? Damn, the jeweler was right.
Even a blind guy can tell.
(jake and reggie laughing) Fine, enjoy yourself.
Laugh in bob's face.
All right, you're right, bob, that's cruel.
Turn around so we can laugh behind your back.
(jake and reggie laughing) (knock on door) Oh, for cr (sighs) Hi.
I didn't expect you until next week.
Not that I'm complaining.
Come on in.
Well, you're here now.
What the hell? I can read anytime, I guess.
Uh Well, I'll call ming's, We'll get our, our usual going here.
Well, actually, john, Could we just sit on the couch for a minute? The couch before food.
Yeah, I think I can adjust to that.
Uh, john, I didn't come over for ming's.
We have to talk.
I've met someone.
What do you mean? I mean, I met another guy.
I'm not following.
Well, it's not like I was looking.
It just happened.
Are you Are you trying to say that you met someone? Oh, come on, what we had was never an exclusive thing.
It was just sex.
No attachments, no commitments.
Who said that? You did.
When? Every single time we were together.
I only just met him, But I think it has a chance to turn into something serious.
So I guess what I'm saying is, We can't do this anymore.
No more ming's? Sorry.
Oh No, uh, that's okay.
I-I'm You just caught me off-guard there.
You know, I'm sort of used to This arrangement of ours here, you know? No big deal.
You go your way, I go mine.
Like Like you said Uh, this wasn't serious.
Good luck to you.
So you're okay? Me? Oh, oh, yeah, I'm fine.
I don't need you to have ming's.
I had it twice last week by myself.
I mean, uh By that, I didn't mean I got it, john.
Well, take care of yourself.
And by that, I didn't mean No, no.
Come on, mom, you can't be serious.
You're not really getting divorced.
Look, if you didn't leave him When you found out he kept that other apartment, then Okay, I did not know you didn't know about that.
Look, mom, just try and relax, okay? Try breathing into a paper bag.
Okay, then take the scotch out of the bag first.
Look, just pull over and call me back.
Are you okay? Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
Well, you don't sound fine.
You sound upset; maybe it would help If you just took the rest of the day off.
No, no.
I think it'd be better If I just stayed here and kept working.
Oh, my god, honey, I didn't know it was that bad.
Thanks, margaret.
I think I'll just go back and restock all the exam rooms.
You said you did that yesterday.
That's so sweet; you believed me.
Oh, john, since you have Mr.
Cohen's physical during lunch, I thought I'd just order in from ming's.
No, no ming's.
I'm never having ming's again.
What? I don't understand.
It's great.
As a matter of fact, louis and I had ming's the other night And it was incredible.
Oh, great, that's just great.
Now I have to live with that image for the rest of my life.
(with heavy accent): Excuse me, please.
I'm cab driver, and I've been looking everywhere for someone I dropped off And You.
You were in my cab.
All right, look, I was going to tip you, but I only had singles.
No, it's not that; a passenger lose ring in my cab.
Oh, really? Interesting.
And did this passenger Happen to offer a reward for this ring? Yes.
Reward might be possible.
Well, I'm not making any promises, but I think I might know someone who can locate the ring.
He's got the ring.
So much for leverage.
You know, you look really familiar.
Do I know you? No.
Are you on tv? No, I'm just cab driver.
Wait a minute.
You're in the opening credits Of that tv show, world's dumbest athletes.
You're that russian placekicker Who ran 70 yards in the wrong direction And scored a touchdown for the other team.
Giants-49ers, right? What, you're You're dmitri petrenko? Yes, that's me.
How about my ring? That's your ring? I don't get it.
It's not even real, and you didn't even play for the giants.
After I lose game for my team, the giants win super bowl.
They say they couldn't do it without me, So as joke, they buy me this ring.
Wow, that's cold.
But inspired.
Why would you even want it? I mean, doesn't it just remind you Of the worst day of your life? You don't know my life.
Look, I'm serious About reward.
How about $50? I don't know, I-I-I wouldn't feel right Taking 50 bucks from you.
Make it 75.
Ninety-five! You believe this guy? Okay, a hundred, my final offer.
Thank you.
I may just be cab driver, but Then I see this ring, I remember Running on that field, 60,000 people screaming my name.
Yeah, but they were screaming at you to turn around.
But until I found that out, it was best moment of my life.
Hey, gorby.
Wait up.
I can't keep your money.
Have another great day on me.
Thank you.
Did I just hear right? Did bob just give that guy his money back? Yeah.
Bob, are you okay? Believe me, it was worth twice that much Just to feel the way I'm feeling right now.
It's like a warmth going through my whole body.
It's called compassion.
It's called superiority.
That guy's a loser.
I never realized the joy you can get From looking down on another human being.
Maybe one day you guys will know what I mean.
(knock on door) Hi.
What are you doing? Look, this is really embarrassing, But I lost this antique bracelet And I think the last time I wore it was here.
I remember having it when we were sitting on the couch.
Mind if I look? No, not at all.
I'm sorry about this, but it was my grandmother's.
Uh-huh, your grandmother's.
Don't you think this is a little transparent? Excuse me? Oh, come on, obviously You're having second thoughts about us.
Don't you think freud might say That you invented this "lost bracelet" As an excuse to come and see me? Or he might say that sometimes a bracelet Is just a bracelet.
I'm sorry I disturbed you.
I'll go.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Are you sure about this? I mean, I-I thought we sort of had something.
John, all we ever did was get together In our spare time for casual sex.
Hey, just 'cause it was casual sex Doesn't mean it was meaningless sex.
You know, did you ever think That it was its casualness that gave it its meaning? Do you really believe that? I'm not even sure what I just said, I But it wa-- it wasn't just sex, laura.
Sometimes it was nice, too.
(chuckles) Look, john, we never went out, We never talked, we never discussed Our feelings or any kind of future.
Why would you want to give all that up? Oh, I don't know, maybe for a husband, kids, a life.
Yeah, trust me, as soon as you get a husband and kids, Life goes right out the window.
What's going on here? You said yourself that we had nothing special.
What are you fighting for? Look, I didn't even realize I wanted more until I found it.
Maybe you'll meet someone, too.
You just have to get out there.
No, I-I don't want to "get out there.
" I've been "out there," I'm no good at it.
You know, I've been married twice, And I think I proved I wasn't good at that, either.
Th-this was perfect An-and now, now it's Going away, you know.
What am I supposed to do, try again? I hate that.
So, all you want is sex without intimacy? Companionship without commitment? See, that's why you can't leave-- you get me.
I'm sorry, john.
This worked for me, too, but now I want more.
I'd better go.
But th-this was Fun, Wasn't it? Yeah, this was a lot of fun.
It seems to me, if you could overlook Your husband's affair with your best friend Okay, I did not know you didn't know about that.
I will give linda the message.
Margaret, I can't find mr.
Isaacs' file anywhere.
Oh, his lab results just came in.
It should be there on the table.
Linda, you have got to tell your parents to cut it out.
They have been calling here all morning.
Now, I could be wrong, But it sounds like they've been drinking.
You think? Look, I am sorry their marriage is in trouble, But they're your parents.
You handle it.
I'm going to lunch.
After all these years, why do they think Splitting up is going to make them happy? Happiness is a myth.
People are just brainwashed into thinking They're supposed to want something more than they have.
Changing things doesn't necessarily mean You're going to make them better.
Why can't you just leave things the way they are? You don't throw away A life together just because it isn't perfect.
You could end up throwing away Something that works pretty damn well.
I'm sorry, what did you say? (phone ringing) Doctor's office.
Linda? Yeah.
Linda! Oh, uh, let me take a message here.
Who's calling? Oh, her father.
Yeah, look, I-I'm I'm sorry about your divorce.
If you don't mind my saying, I-I don't blame you.
You know, when you found out Your wife was having an affair with that tennis instructor Okay, I-I did not know that you didn't know about that.