Betas (2013) s01e03 Episode Script

Waiting for a Girl Like You

1 All right, let's do this.
Watch all episodes of Betas, exclusively on Amazon Prime Instant Video.
- This is so great.
- Perfect.
Hmm, hmm, hmm Candy makes yo dick grow What? What? Hey, hey! You know what to do (continues indistinctly) Yo, buddy Mm-hmm? Seriously? What's up, Your Honor? I been sitting here for 20 minutes.
-Go, go, go, go! -Shit! (whining): No, no, not No.
No, no.
(sighs heavily) They all leave, Mitch.
At some point, they all leave.
(phone rings) Is this guy fucking with me, or is he really this dense? -Who dat? -Dane.
He still thinks this is your phone.
Dude sent a dick pic and didn't use Snapchat.
He's an idiot.
Hey, Skinny Jeans, listen up.
The Chinese takeout you keep ordering, it ain't coming.
We switched Mikki's number in your phone just to fuck with you.
-I'm Japanese, dick.
-Same deal.
Oh What? What is it? Dane's on the inside of jail.
He's in jail.
-Oh! -Oh! -Dane's in jail.
I'm a broken man, I'm damaged goods Lock me in the basement with furnace soot Hello.
-Hey, Mom.
-Hey, honey.
There is a thing called the poverty line, Avinash.
You dress like you are below it.
But this is your old sweater.
I threw it away for a reason.
Hush, janu.
He looks handsome, huh? My favorite Dagavis.
How was your flight? I had hoped Avinash would have replaced you by now.
(chuckles): Right? You ready for the big tour? Come on.
Now, Velocity is ground zero for some of the most innovative companies in Silicon Valley.
Just being accepted into this program is a huge accomplishment.
A huge accomplishment would have been graduating from Stanford.
Are these people your employees? No, Amma, they're more of More like collaborators.
You're not their boss? No, Mr.
Murchison is our boss.
Well, sort of.
He runs the accelerator and But Nash and I run BRB.
What is this Murchison paying you? -Nothing -TREY: Yet.
But he's given us office space and access to investors, in exchange for equity in the company.
This man takes part of your corporation and pays you nothing, in exchange for the same table you could have at Starbucks.
How is this a way to do business, Avinash? We have free cereal and the milk is free.
We have to bail him out, man.
How do you figure? Because we ordered the drugs.
It's our fault he got locked up.
Yeah, if it wasn't us, it'd be some banker trying to get a menage going at his loft.
The dude's a drug dealer.
Getting popped is just part of his occupation.
He's not exactly Pablo Escobar.
He just moves a little weed and "X" between design gigs.
Yeah, thanks for the input, Yoko.
Can you tell me what you're doing here? Trey asked me to help with market research.
And at least Yoko has talent.
You're like Ringo with beard mange.
Ringo was a fuckin' metronome, okay?! Guys, we can't let Dane rot in prison, okay? I don't like the dude either, but he doesn't deserve to get mouth-raped in a projection booth.
"Shawshank Redemption.
" You guys, it's like the top- rated movie of all time on IMDB.
Yeah, no, I know what movie you're talking about.
I just didn't take that home from it.
That's gross.
And because our founders video was such a success, we pre-registered 42,000 users for our beta.
Right now, awareness is at a tipping point, and if we capitalize on I think I speak for Mrs.
Dagavi when I say we are thoroughly bored.
Well, let me get to the point.
The point is, you want us to invest more money.
My question is, why? We need to rent server space to handle new users.
And we need to hire a marketing manager, someone to build awareness and deal with new customers.
You talk like a magician.
If I may, Mr.
Murchison has high hopes for this team.
With Nash's engineering skills and Trey's product vision, we believe BRB can compete with any startup in the Valley.
There is no passion in your words.
You're paid to be here, nothing more.
Excuse me? Ms.
Rudolph, we own and operate a 36-bed Motor Inn in Fife, Washington.
We make a profit, we pay our employees with money.
I don't know your business.
What I do know is I have seen no return of my initial investments in BRB.
Hey, boss? Sorry to interrupt.
Dane got busted with drugs and needs us to bail him out of jail.
So, we gotta go to his house, get cash.
It's a whole thing.
So, we just need the afternoon off.
'Hesh! 'Sup, man? How ya doin'? Your son's a fuckin' genius.
-Goodbye, Hobbes.
-Okay, bye.
We didn't come here today to talk about business.
Avinash, we love you, but we will not stand by as you waste your life surrounded by imbeciles.
It is time to grow up.
We want grandchildren.
Grandchildren? I-I haven't met the right person yet.
Perhaps that means that your matchmaking app isn't -as effective as you think.
-It's not a matchmaking The Aunties have gotten together, and they have found you a match.
Her name is Divya, and she lives in the city.
Top of her class at Berkeley, fluent in Hindi, first chair oboe.
And she takes improv comedy classes, huh? A funny, lovely girl for my funny, lovely boy.
You will call her, you will meet, you will show us respect.
If you cannot do this, we cannot call you a man.
These are our terms.
TREY: It's a couple of dates.
You show some effort, your parents feel heard, they lend us the money.
I refuse to get married because you need more bandwidth.
Who said anything about marriage? You don't understand.
Aunties were involved.
I agree to this and the next thing you know, I'm riding in on an elephant.
You're being dramatic.
It's just showing your parents some good faith, respect.
Respect is what I have for Kenny Loggins.
This is extortion.
We need the money.
What if I came with you? Like my chaperone? Yeah, that won't be awkward.
I could bring someone.
Yeah, yeah, make it a group thing.
You know, take the pressure off.
No, no, and no! My job is to help you with your product.
That does not include going on double dates.
Our product is a social app, and my co-founder barely leaves his desk.
Don't you think that's a problem? I think you're trying to shake down your friend's parents for money.
What if he likes this girl? He'll never know if he doesn't try.
Look, my only agenda here is helping Nash get out of his own way.
And for some reason, he feels comfortable around you.
Don't ask me why.
You're funny.
So after we gank Dane's rainy day fund-- his words-- I'm gonna drag my balls against his pillow, if you guys don't mind.
-(chuckles): -This is it.
(sniffs) Snap.
Should I kick down the door? Could you kick down the door? No, no way, not with my Supremes on.
These bad boys are super limited edition.
-Got 'em from my friend Josh -Shut up, shut up.
Can you can you grab that? Here you go.
Ah, nice detective work, Veronica Mars.
(grunts): It sticks a little.
Whoa, hey! What's up, Mikki? Oh, wow, those are super sweet frames.
-MIKKI: It's hilarious, right? -Yep.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Yep, those are real funny.
Um, did Dane take all of these? Yeah.
That's Enid.
I met her during one of my bi-curious phases.
She turned out to be a total psycho bitch, though.
Boo-ya! We can has currency.
Okay, A)-- rad hiding place.
No one would ever think to open this piece of shit.
And B)-- Dane's rich, y'all.
I never should've stopped dealing weed.
Hey, can we just bounce? We got what we came for.
You know, every fiber of my being wants to leave Dane in jail to get his flower picked.
But I gotta give it to the guy-- he's got taste.
Probably just hired an interior decorator.
-He didn't.
-(sighs) So, you were a comp sci major? Yeah, I have to say it was nice being the hottest girl in class, for a change.
(laughter) Uh, so what's your favorite programming language? C++.
Insert boob joke here.
So, uh, you dropped out of Stanford, right? Yes.
Wow, uh, gosh, my parents would have sold me on Craigslist if I had even thought about quitting.
Thank you.
Um, it was his idea.
Well, we we both wanted to pursue our career, and, uh, school was holding us back.
Oh, yeah, I saw you guys in that video.
That was funny shit.
Oh, please don't encourage them.
Their heads are already too big for their hoodies.
(chuckles) We need shots.
I'm gonna get us some shots.
I can't tell if this guy's marriage material if I'm sober.
I bombed on "Pococurante.
" "P-O-C-O-C-U-R-A-N-T-E.
" Ugh! I doubled the "R's.
" Rookie maneuvs.
-What about you? -Uh, "Xanthosis.
" It's the yellow discoloration of Degenerative tissue.
-Yeah, that's a tough word.
-Don't remind me.
I could have been Pierce County Spelling Bee champ, but I placed third.
Father was not pleased.
Nash's dad has very high expectations.
Oh, I feel that.
I was so overloaded in high school, I started snorting speed just to keep up.
I don't think I slept junior year.
Well, aside from rehab, which by the way was a total nightmare.
Wow, that's intense.
People don't understand the pressure in our culture to succeed.
Asians ain't got nothin' on the brown folk.
So much pressure.
So so much.
(chuckles) (sighs) So, it's really cool of you to do this.
Nash hasn't been on many dates, so Oh, really? You mean the, uh, Tandoori fuck-hammer over there? (laughing) So, um, how long have you and Trey been together? Oh, we're not together.
We're just we're colleagues.
Oh, so just the hand stuff, then? (laughs) Divya's cool, man.
She abuses drugs.
Uh, "abused" with a "D.
" And you take Xanax.
I have a medical condition.
She took too many electives.
Oh, see? You're being a smartass.
I know you're having a little fun.
She's not terrible, okay? Lisa seems nice ish.
You know, I used to be scared of her.
Yeah, you know, get a couple of drinks in her and the fangs retract.
Do you think she likes you? I don't know, Nash.
She didn't pass me a note after homeroom.
All right, workaholics.
Knock these down and drop some dollas.
There is a whole city out there, and I'm guessing you've never seen it.
Let's do it.
I like I like it -Yeah! -Ah! C'mon! Come on! Woo-hoo-hoo! (cackling) Whoa! -Yeah! -Whoo! (laughter) Easy, pal, I need my deposit back.
(imitating Indian man): Your driving is horrible, woman! -Is that your dad?! -Yeah.
Do yours.
If you want to find a wife, you must lose weight! We are sending you to summer camp for fatties! What? You? I can't imagine you were ever fat.
I would kill to have your body.
Oh, I was fat! -Yeah, I was big.
-(chuckles) -(tires squealing) -My parents eloped, actually.
Yeah, drove cross-country and spent their honeymoon here.
Came back every anniversary till the divorce.
Why'd they split up? Uh, my mom was always working, and my dad liked to take his time.
Why are we talking about my parents? I want to know something: What do you do for fun? Um besides baby-sit tech CEO's? (mock laugh) You know what fun is, right? I do, I do know what fun is, believe it or not.
Um, I don't know.
I like watching cooking shows.
Uh, I'm really into Yoga-cycle.
You're shitting me.
The spin class with the inspirational gurus? You? (laughs): Yeah, yeah! What, you think I was born with these calves? Well, I just can't imagine you taking life advice from anyone.
(laughing) Divya has drugs! She wants to go dancing! Um, o-o okay! Met some pretty serious dudes on the inside, man.
Fucked my head all up.
"On the inside"? You were in there for, like, three hours.
Yeah, but we got deep.
This cat T-Nut, he broke it down for me.
Private prisons are colluding with the Feds to control the labor market, and you can trade open-mouthed kisses for cigarettes.
Dude, why are you riding shotgun? You know it's ladies first in the Mitch-mobile.
What crawled up your ass, bro? Um, Dane's back there trying to front like Avon Barksdale.
Distract him.
Hey, Jailbreak, it's pretty hard for me to admit this, but, uh, your photography's actually really good.
Fuck off, man.
You think you can just massage these nuts and get away with this shit? I got a record because of you, dude.
No, you have a record because you peddled illegal substances, man.
My mom is gonna shit the soup.
Listen, man, I've been busted a few times.
Although I can't go into details about it, let's just say the record has been expunged on my behalf.
-You fuckin' serious? -I know people.
Hell, yeah! So, what was your favorite piece? -Piece? -Photos, chode.
You said you liked my work.
Come on.
I like the desert scene.
-(laughs) -What's so funny? That wasn't a desert, bro.
That's my ex's boosh.
You think I'm gonna bring you somewhere monotonous? Okay, I guess not.
Well, I wouldn't.
That is the answer.
Oh, you know what? You guys grab some drinks.
-We're gonna hit the ladies'.
Let's go exploring, shall we? -Sure.
Ooh, what are we exploring? it gives you hell, gives you hell Now where's your picket fence love? Uh, you need to pace yourself.
I'm just having fun.
Isn't that the whole point? Yeah, no of course, but you don't really drink, obviously, and I just think you should take it easy.
I'm a grown man, okay? You don't have to tell me what to do.
I've got parents for that.
All right, get pretty.
Oh (snorting) Oh, God! Oh! I haven't done blow since my sorority formal.
What? You need more than that.
Get in there.
-(snorts) -(phone chimes) Oh, God, why is Rob liking my photos? We broke up three weeks ago.
And who who is this chick? Seriously? He's banging some blonde? He told me he hated dye jobs, that fuckface Whoa, take it easy, white girl.
There are two very cute boys out there waiting for us, and this screen is doing you no good, so I'm gonna put it away.
I was looking for a fax machine.
(laughing) Who the fuck faxes anymore?! Hey, playa, how's it going in here? -Oh, it's about to get awesome.
-What do you mean? If you leave me now You'll take away the biggest part of me (laughter) Ooh, no, baby, please don't go (whooping and cheering) (dance music plays) I've never seen him dance before.
-No? -It's crazy.
-He's real wiggly.
-Yeah, he's all arms.
-Yeah, yeah.
-A lot of arms.
-But it's good, he's got control -Yeah.
-Whoa! -Whoa! I was not expecting that.
-Oh, oh ! -Oh, okay.
Um, uh, she's gonna break his glasses.
It feels I feel it feels weird.
Maybe we should give them some space? -Yeah, most definitely.
-All right.
-Ah Come on.
(giggling) Hold on, hold on.
Just hold Uh, what? What is it? What happened? Nothing, uh I-I think I just had too much to drink.
-Oh! -Excuse me.
I can't believe I didn't see it before.
So, this is your ex? Starla.
The desert motif's like a tribute to how we met.
Trippin' balls out on the playa.
(sighs) Shit got weird.
What happened to you two? Eh, she ran off to sew costumes for "Lord of the Dance.
" Started banging some clogger.
Do they still do that show? Oh, my God, how do you keep hitting me? I'm, like, a hundred yards away! You haven't memorized the 'nade spots on this map? Tourist! No, I have, I just Dane got the older version.
I got the new one.
Brenda just had the most exquisite perineum.
(sighs) I just wanted to paint it.
I didn't know you rocked the brush, man.
Me? No, no, no, no, I just, uh she inspired me.
Dude, totally.
Ol' Dane's done some pretty crazy shit for a betty.
John Mayer tickets, butt play, sobriety.
That Brenda sounds like she was spesh.
She was till hate turned her into a withered husk.
-So it goes.
Those 'tards are friends now? Jesus Christ, I weep for the world.
Ugh! I know, right? They behave like children.
-Oh, no fair! -Ooh! -All right, fine! -Fragged again, Bitchell! -Submit! -Never.
Avinash? Oh, my God! What are you doing here? It's great to see you.
Hey, man.
Hello, Michael.
You look well.
Oh, thanks.
Uh, yeah, I'm doing the whole raw thing.
Yeah, I love your sweater.
Is that vintage? Oh it's It's my dad's.
So, vintage.
-Yeah, I guess.
Um, I read about your acquisition.
Oh, thanks.
Everything's timing, huh? I think they overpaid, but you know how bubbles are.
Next month, who knows? And you? I was so jazzed to hear about your beta.
You know, I still tell my team that you were the best programmer I ever saw.
Hey, are you feeling any better? Uh, uh, yes, very much.
(laughs) Hi, I'm Michael.
Hi, Divya.
-I love your dress.
-Thank you.
-We're on a date.
-Oh! -Oh.
Well, um I'll let you guys get to it.
Uh, nice to meet you, Divya.
-Nice to meet you.
-Uh, Nash, ping me.
We should, uh we'll talk.
We'll catch up.
All right.
(chuckles sheepishly) Hey, we have more dancing to do.
-Dancing? -C'mon, yes.
How high on a heel can you actually go before you're falling right over? -(laughs) -You understand? Oh, do you even remember when photographs were printed on paper? Hey, hey, I had a Canon i960 back in the day.
-That's inkjet, baby.
Wait, your generation used-- what was it-- typewriters? Oh, stop! No, never.
Okay, we need a record.
Otherwise no one is ever gonna believe this.
All right.
(laughs) -Ow.
-Stupid heels.
Okay, all right.
Happy face, sad face, business face, crazy face, you got it? -Uh, very spontaneous.
How do I look good? I look good? -All right.
-Yeah, you look great.
- (clears throat) - Okay -What was the first one? -Happy face! -Happy face.
-(flashbulb pops) Okay, happy.
So, sad, sad (flashbulb pops) -Business face.
-I don't have a business face.
(flashbulb pops) Crazy face! (goofy grunt) (flashbulb pops) Rock, rock Larger than life, in for the ride -Whoops.
-(cackling) Larger than life, and this is our time You feel it, too? Yeah, yeah-eah-eah-eah-eah, yeah-eah-eah-eah-eah Larger than life -Your lips are soft.
-So are yours.
Here we go.
Yeah, yeah-eah-eah-eah-eah, yeah-eah-eah-eah-eah Oh! Look at that, everybody.
My car! To her place! Larger than life.
(sighs) Nash, I got your text.
Nash, wake up.
-What? -Where's Divya? She went to some party on the third floor with these two girls with fake breasts and a large man with a boom box.
I think she knew them.
Oh, well, I-I thought you two hit it off.
No, I, uh I screwed up.
I got drunk, and I didn't like Divya enough.
And now she's gonna tell my parents.
And then they're not gonna give us the money and and they're gonna be so pissed-off.
Hey, they'll get over it.
You don't understand.
(sighs) I'm never gonna be able to make them happy.
Dude, you crushed it tonight.
-Made the rest of us look bad.
You got up onstage.
I was so proud of you.
What are we gonna do about the money? Uh, right now, we're not gonna worry about it.
Tomorrow or later today, I guess, we'll come up with a plan, figure something out.
How'd it go with Lisa? Well, in the words of a wise man I know, she's not terrible.
Come on, let's hit Dottie's for some pancakes, -beat the morning rush, huh? -(sighs) The sun's coming up You're filling your cup With all the possibilities Good conversation It's your life you're making Bluebirds sing to you as you wake up It's your time to shine On the next Betas: We launch in 96 hours.
And you didn't think to consult me? I got your ping about the hardware.
Test phones are toast.
We could use a tower.
What BRB needs is time to perfect their product.
What BRB needs is to capitalize on their momentum.
You don't sound excited.
It's a job not a vibrator.
Guys, focus.
Rise and shine And it's good to the last Good to the last drop, drop All right, let's do this.
Watch all episodes of Betas, exclusively on Amazon Prime Instant Video.
- This is so great.
- Perfect.