Betas (2013) s01e09 Episode Script

1 It's like I got a hole in my pocket Tryin' to keep you satisfied It's like I got to burn a million bridges Just to keep you by my side Don't make waves in the water 'Less you mess around and you'll drown It's not like I could have stopped her - 'Cause a girl can't be tied down -(rattling) (rattling continues) (screams) -Oh, fuck.
Sharron.
-Hey, baby girl.
-What the fuck are you doing? -Cooking.
-What the fuck are you doing? -I live here.
Christ.
What? How did you get in? Oh.
Remember my Linda Hamilton phase? Oh.
Yeah.
I still got some badass moves up my skirt.
-Yeah, you can't smoke in here.
-Mm-hmm.
And you should've called first.
I gave up phones.
Such a bullshit crutch.
(sighs) So good to see you.
(laughs) Oh.
How's tricks? Oh, tell me everything.
Peru was life-shattering.
Just I think it shattered my life.
Come help me with the aguadito.
Oh.
You wanna chop? I know you do.
Chop, chop.
Chop, chop, chop.
Mm, do you have any wine? Oh, um, vodka? Oh, or, um, gin.
Oh, I'd love gin right now.
-(sighs) -Gin is supposed to be so good for you.
I'm a broken man, I'm damaged goods Lock me in the basement with furnace soot You're probably wondering why I'm preparing poison blow fish.
-I was wondering that.
-Poison? Fugu is one of the most delectable creatures in all the ocean.
Prepare it wrong and it's deadlier than cyanide.
Also, illegal in the States.
Eating it is a sign of trust between diner and the chef.
-That's incredible.
-Wait'll you taste its ovaries.
I pickle 'em myself.
-(coughs) -I thought we should celebrate.
BRB's user growth the past few weeks has been phenomenal.
Michael Lau's endorsement really drove a lot of users our way.
It helped.
But I think the new iteration is really connecting with people.
I agree, and the interest I'm getting from investors is proof of that.
Are you guys prepared for your meeting? Sea Smoke Capital is a major player.
Carlson and I go way back.
Absolutely, sir.
We're very excited.
I feel tingly.
And my lips are numb.
Oh, shit.
That's the fugu.
Lie still-- you need to slow your circulation.
(coughs) And then I hear a voice.
-My my inner voice.
-Yeah.
Uh, weren't you tripping on some sort of psychotropic jungle vine? Ayahuasca is medicine, hon.
-Ah.
-Anyway, after after listening to the icaros of the shaman and purging myself, this voice shared a truth with me.
It told me I wasn't ready to be your mother.
-I was just a baby myself.
-You were 22.
A baby, just a baby.
-Great.
Okay.
-(whispers): A baby.
So, I need to tell you.
I met someone in Peru.
Oh, God.
Congrats! A man on every continent.
Funny, but no.
Larry, uh, owns an art gallery.
And he wants to show my paintings! That's why I'm in town.
Uh, wow, you're painting now? I've always painted, hon.
Uh, with light, or clay, or the foam wand at Starbuck's.
Remember the little leaf I put on your latte? C'mon.
This dude clearly wants to get in your pants.
-That, or you hallucinated.
-Oh, will you come with me? He's showing me a space this afternoon.
(groans) MITCHELL: Dude, 210,000 users? That's like, 140 times the size of my old high school.
God, I love your stories, Mitch.
Sorry.
Sorry I'm late.
Mom bomb dropped on me out of the clear blue.
I'm gonna go suck down a couple Pop Tarts.
Nice.
You should try the red velvet ones.
They're super very good.
Dude, it's been weeks.
She stood you up.
It's a bummer sharing a desk with a chump.
-Okay.
Fine.
I'll go talk to her.
-Yeah.
(typing) Yo -Hey.
(sighs) -What up, girl? Listen, I I gotta dip outta here later.
Sharron's got this thing.
Can you cover for me? Two hours, tops.
Oh.
Yeah.
Sure.
-Thanks.
-Totally McGotally.
(clears throat) So your mom's in town, huh? Can't wait to meet her.
Yes, you can.
(sighs) Thanks, Mizzy.
You're the best.
George speaks very highly of Sea Smoke Capital.
As you know, he's been an incredible resource for us.
Yeah, we're all besties.
Look, Murch and I have made a lot of bread together.
He says jump, I ask, "Off what cliff?" So what cliff? Well, I'll just run you through our deck.
(laughs) Uh, social's become stagnant.
Users are hungry for tools that encourage a real life meeting.
You don't have to convene in Facebook.
I don't sit down without doing my homework.
"Enabling serendipity.
" "Face to face.
" I dig your approach.
What valuation are you raising at? Well, just to give some context -May I? -Uh, yeah.
You've got slow hands.
Good if you're Clapton, bad if you knew my schedule today.
Well, based on user growth metrics, our proprietary tech, and a model that includes both ad dollars and Shocking-- it says you're gonna be a huge success.
Uh, is there something wrong? I have a robust portfolio.
Twitter.
Tumblr.
Uber.
If it's valued north of a billion and ends in "er," I got a piece of it.
If I do a round, I want to lead it at ten percent of total valuation.
What's the valuation? We feel valuing BRB at 12 million is quite reasonable.
Got it.
One-point-two.
Done.
Look, I know the social cloud may seem over-seeded at the moment, but I think if you what? He said, "done.
" DANE: Gynecology's like watching porn all day -Hey! What's up? -(cheering) -Yeah.
Bringin' home the bacon! -Congrats, man.
Big deal.
-Hell, yeah.
-If the rest of the meetings go that well, we're all gonna be getting our own shiny new offices very soon.
Yeah.
We should definitely make sure there are -Jacuzzis in there.
-Okay.
Okay.
Jacuzz -It's important for morale.
-I know it's important.
Where Hey, where's Mikki? She should hear the good news.
Ah.
She had a thing.
She had like a girl, lady thing.
What, like a quinceanera? So, uh, now Dane's coming on full-time with everybody, right? Yeah.
Grand Imperial Wizard of Graphic Design.
You might wanna rethink that title.
Yeah, that's a Ku Klux Klan type of title, there.
Oh, I thought it was a Token.
-"J.
R.
" Token Token, uh -Unless he was a racist.
-I don't think so.
-Thought it was "Star Wars.
" -Oh, shit.
-No, man.
-This place is baller.
-Mm-hmm.
Are you sure you're not banging this guy? I'll have to call you back, Idris.
Someone more important needs my attention.
-Cano jacon paranta.
-Cano jacon paranta.
-Akushama! (laughs) -Akushama! (laughs) So, what do you think? -It's too much.
-Yeah? All I need is four walls and a blank canvas.
Please.
I'm expecting greatness from you.
Plus, the sculptor I had leased it to had a psychotic break.
So it's it's free through the end of the month.
-So, you must be Mikki.
-Mm-hmm.
You're even more beautiful than Sharron said.
Oh.
Stop.
So tell me, what do you think of Sharron's new work? I haven't actually seen it yet.
Oh! It's been haunting me.
So, so intensely visceral.
Mads, when's that open block? -Saturday.
We went over this.
-The attitude on this one.
I thought you said it was next month.
Oh, I did.
But a batch of giclГ©es got held up in Romanian customs and I've got white space to fill.
I still have a painting to finish-- I I feel pressure.
I can't just like create under pressure.
She'll be ready.
-I I feel so -I'll help you.
I'll help you.
(sighs) What about your J.
O.
B.
? I'll take a couple days off.
I work for equity anyway.
It's I'm proud not to know what that word means.
"Equity," or "work"? Corgis aren't dogs, they're toys.
They're little toys.
But they're not that expensive.
-Hey! -Hey! Hey kiddies, congrats on the fat stacks.
-Thank you.
-This is Sharron.
-Hi.
-She gave birth to me.
Oh, look at you adorable little worker bees.
Building the future, just one brain tumor at a time.
(laughs) Yeah, she read that cell phones cause cancer.
It's cute.
Okay.
Uh Sharron's in town for a show.
She's a painter.
-Cool.
-No shit.
Painter, artist, uh, explorer, diviner, you know.
-Part-time dental hygienist.
-Variety is the spice.
-Yes, it is.
-It is, isn't it? I dabble in the art, uh, a little bit myself.
Yeah.
Medium format photos.
Oh, no shit! I, uh, bummed around, uh, Kenya with a Wista 45 a few years back.
-Oh, dangerous.
-Oh, my God.
I miss film.
This digital crap-- (groans) no soul.
Right? Lifeless.
Totally.
Uh, you should come to Cavanaugh's, you know, over on Geary? That's my show.
-I totally know Cavanaugh's.
-(laughs) Yeah.
I saw this installation there a while back.
And this chick made this alley outta paper mache.
-Fantastic.
-You walk in she jumps out and tries to rape you.
I love it.
Devastating.
I love it.
The whole thing was called "No Means Yes.
" You know, uh, Trey was asking about you earlier.
No worries, though, I covered for ya.
Just, uh, wanted to make sure you're all good -Yeah, I'm fine.
Thank you.
-Yeah? I been trying to get my portfolio in front of those guys for months.
God.
I, you know, I tended his soul in the jungle.
-Cool.
-Let me make an intro.
Hell, yeah.
I gotta take pictures of you.
-(phone chimes) -Oh.
What the hell? Oh, my God.
ValleySmash News Alert.
"George Murchison, legendary V.
C.
and lead investor in hit parking app Valet-Me, has been " "accused of bribing a government official to grease the wheels on an eight-figure deal between Valet-Me and General Motors.
" Fat cats, think they run the world.
Yeah, well, that fat cat is our lead investor.
Does this mean we have to pay for drinks? I spent my last five buying beer for high school kids.
What? They had weed.
(voicemail): This is George.
Say your piece.
Namaste.
It's Trey.
Uh, I'm here at Carlson's office to go over the deal, but they're telling me the meeting's been pushed? You're not here either, so (sighs) Is there something I should know? Because I can't seem to get a straight answer.
(sighs) Are you sure he's not reachable? Can't you "patch me through" or something? Oh, fuck.
Smash says a federal inquiry may be pending.
An announcement is expected later this week.
What if Sea Smoke Capital gets cold feet? If they drop out No, Carlson's not dropping out, okay? -He just needs to take a beat.
-HOBBES: Come on, man.
"Take a beat" is investor speak for "peace the fuck out.
" -(sighs) -(phone vibrates) -Shit.
-What's up, man? You all right? Brenda just Words With Friends me that she wants to fuck.
I thought she was marrying that Don Julio dude.
Don Julio! It's Jon Carlo, man.
Don't confuse that fat bastard with the father of premium tequila! Okay.
Sorry.
Okay.
So, do you wanna put the large pieces on the east wall, or closer to the entrance? Oh, you know, I'm shit with this, uh, left brain stuff.
Let's figure it out tomorrow.
I know you'd like to just show up and have everything magically come together, but the world doesn't work that way, okay? So we need to figure out catering, uh, rent a truck, booze Oh, speaking of booze The bar was fun.
-(sighs) -Oh, my God.
That Dane Oh, he is a hottie.
And Mitchell-- he is a sweetheart.
I don't wanna talk about Mitchell or Dane right now.
Oh.
What? Do you remember Tyson Cutler? You broke his arm when he found you doodling a picture of him in class.
Yeah, I just dislocated it, actually.
You were never good at talking to boys.
(sighs) You're so beautiful.
So smart.
So cold.
Okay, Sharron.
Big-ass art show.
-Focus, please.
-I'm just saying, sex is great, but don't you wanna feel like -(sighs) -someone knows you? Your bullshit.
Your your secrets.
Your your your essence.
Your Arrgh! I just I don't know.
Maybe after watching her mom stumble through dozens of failed relationships, a girl thinks twice -about diving in.
-You're right.
I have hundreds of relationships under my belt.
And all of them a part of me.
How about you, baby girl? Who's a part of you? (polyrhythmic drumbeats) Thanks for finally returning my calls.
-What? -I said thanks for returning my calls.
Been a little busy.
You play? -You don't look busy.
-What? I said can we? I studied with a Mongolian priest in Ulaanbaatar back in '63-- pudgy fucker named Oleg.
He told me, he said, "Avail yourself to the rhythm and your troubles melt away.
" Good man.
Horrible breath.
Like wet pennies.
Sounds formative.
Can we talk about the here and now? Ah.
You've been reading the tabloids.
Hard not to.
You're all over them.
-TechCrunch and ValleySmash -Full of shit, as usual.
So you didn't bribe a congressman? No, I flew a respected civic leader to Scotland to drink single malt, play a few holes at Saint Andrew's.
-It's called "lobbying.
" -Call it what you want.
Sea Smoke Capital pulled their offer; the other firms -won't even return my calls.
-A bump in the road.
How can you say that? I mean, how can you just sit here jamming when your empire is burning? Because people have been painting targets on my back since I sprouted pubes.
It'll blow over.
Well, I'm out of runway.
I I I don't even think I can afford payroll this month.
We're in the middle of raising Nothing scares investors more than a rich man whose books are open to scrutiny.
They're afraid the Feds are gonna look at their balance sheets next-- discover where the bodies are buried.
And what happens to me when they find your bodies? Loyalty is easy when the sun is shining and armies are at rest.
It's only tested when drums are beaten and swords clash.
I rolled the dice on BRB when you had nothing.
Don't puss out.
I never had nothing.
SHARRON: What about this one? Don't you think? (gasps) -Do you have it? Do you have it? -Okay.
I got it.
I got it! Okay.
Uh, okay, bring it around.
You don't need money No, no, no, my love You don't need to drive Drive a big fancy car We just need to make Yeah, it was so funny because I feel like you were so scared of me falling into this pond.
We just need to make a soul connection Mm-mm.
No, no, no, no, no.
-Come on.
-No, no.
Come on.
Away, away.
Away.
If what we have is real, have is real We found the sparks, now baby it's glowing Started a fire, now baby it's burning Looks like we made a soul connection We found a soul connection.
(phone vibrating) Yo (sighs) Haven't heard from you in 24-- like my name Jack Bauer.
It's like, no but just, uh wanted to make sure everything is cool.
You know, you said that Sharron was a handful, so -HOBBES: I'm not on a leash.
-just let me know.
Fucking Brenda's just basically playing with my mind and my heart at this point.
And that's it.
-Yeah, fuck that.
-Pure and simple.
-Fuck that bitch.
-Yeah.
-No shit, dude.
Yeah.
-Put it in here.
Make love to this camera.
Come on.
What the hell are you guys doing? Dude, fuck! (sighs) We're working on my portfolio, man.
You only get one shot at the Cavanaughs of this world.
All right, now.
Stay in it.
-Stay fuckin' aggro.
-(grunts) Take the shirt off! I wanna see it.
-Oh, God.
Yeah.
-I gotta do something, right? I can't just upend my life every time she gets horny.
Fuck no, man.
Now squat down like a cat.
Come on.
Like a jungle cat.
Oh, yes.
But if I do tell her to fuck off, she'll just want me more, so it's a fucking catch 22.
Now soil the rug.
Soil the rug.
You're a fucking predator now and you're soiling the rug.
You're a jungle predator! Get rid of her.
I wanna fucking get rid of her! Dude, just delete the app! If Words With Friends is the only way that she can get in touch with you, then just don't answer.
You're fucking right, man.
(electronic whoosh) It's done.
That was fucking beautiful, man.
Get in here.
Good job.
Yeah, no, no, no.
All the fam hug.
Fam-dam.
Come on.
Yeah.
(sniffs) Mm.
What's that product? It's just shampoo.
Well, he says it'll blow over.
And what if it doesn't just "blow over"? We can't afford to wait forever.
We don't have to.
Trey.
What did you do? What I should've done to begin with.
Remember Victoria Ryzik from Demo Day? The woman the Murch called a venomous reptile? Yes, of course.
I called her to see if she's still interested.
-Why didn't you tell me? -Well, I wanted to know if it was real before I came to you.
-Is it? -She wants to meet.
(sobbing) NASH: What happened? Probably the same thing that's happening to us.
Investors are running for the hills.
(cries) She's not a pretty crier.
(sighs) Are you sure about this? (sighs) Thanks for agreeing to meet.
I'm sorry it took us so long to reach out.
Oh, so it didn't have anything to do with George going nuclear? Not at all.
Look, I admit his timing sucks, but Murch is a ten percent stakeholder in BRB.
-That's not gonna change.
-Loyalty.
That's a rare trait these days.
Hats off to you.
(laughs) Bottom line, my partners and I believe in your product.
George's legal issues aren't gonna change that.
So you'd be willing to partner up? Sure.
Old fartbag's got more lives in him than Rasputin.
(laughs) George'll bounce back and when he does he'll be a huge asset.
-That's great.
-Hm.
Thank you.
And, uh, maybe while George is Radioactive? Sure.
Um, maybe you could set up some meetings with your L.
A.
investors.
Sure, I can stoke some fires, but things move fast in my lane-- so be ready to come when I call.
Okay.
DANE: Say you're going blind after you open your eyes and see a picture.
What's gonna blow your mind when it's one image? Which one is it? Which one is it? Which one is it? You guys, uh, waiting for Sharron? -Yeah.
-Hello, hotness.
Just called.
She's out.
Something about "prostituting her soul.
" So, this is how your mother repays a favor, is it? By wasting my time? Well, now you know.
In addition to being "intensely visceral," Sharron's a fucking flake.
Again, sir, excuse me, the name's Dane Zantello.
-With two "L"s.
-I know, you mentioned that.
-A lot! -All right.
No, no, no.
But you should just check out this one piece.
I have one image -that's gonna blow -(groans) I can't fucking believe I fell for her bullshit again.
I mean she just doesn't show? Who does that? -Yeah.
Getting stood up sucks.
-(sighs) -Oh, my gosh.
You're gonna do that right now? -No, no! I'm just trying to help.
Stop helping! Christ.
Stop clinging! God, you're like a lost puppy.
Gross.
Just gimme some space! Whoa, what's the malfunction, my pretties? What? (sighs) Chick's got walls up, dude.
Hell, I tried to scale 'em.
Even got that fuckin' carabiner and the little spikey shoe thingies.
-Crampons.
-(chuckles) That's funny.
Yeah, she wasn't ready.
Look, man, you can't force someone to let you in, lil' bro.
Now I'm gonna go get a beej from that Madison chick, all right? All right.
Stay frosty.
(sighs) You know, then I realized these canvases are are static.
Oh, thanks, Carol.
Everyone, please grab a brush.
Let's transform these canvases! Take the paint and what is inside of you.
What is in my heart? Blackness.
Blackness.
I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
-What is he doing now? -He's got a gun or something.
-He has a gun? -Just relax.
-Sir, can we have a moment? -Not a good time, boys.
Getting ready to welcome the paparazzi outside.
It's important, sir.
We found a way to salvage investors for BRB.
Well done.
Lay it on me.
We know you're not the biggest fan of Victoria Ryzik, but for a 15% stake in BRB, Shore Yield is willing to partner You fucking ingrates! (Nash shouting) -(sighs) -What the hell's going on? Oh, hey, baby girl.
I'm so glad you made it! Everyone! Everyone.
This is Mikki, my daughter, my soul, my my inspiration! Sweetie, grab a brush! Grab a brush.
Are you insane? You left me waiting at the gallery like an idiot.
Larry gave you an opportunity.
No, I can't show these paintings.
They don't represent me anymore.
-I've changed.
-You haven't changed.
-Yes, I have.
-No, you fucking haven't! -Yes, I have.
-You never fucking change.
This is classic Sharron, you know-- you destroy things before they have a chance to work out! Really nice.
Well, you can emote.
I was beginning to worry.
Why do you think I'm like this? You you feel enough for a hundred people.
Okay, and just 'cause I don't go emoting all over the walls, making a mess, doesn't mean I don't have feelings.
Mikki! Well, what was I supposed to do? Stand by and watch while your reckless behavior put everything we've been working for at risk? You were supposed to listen to me.
You told me to be bold.
You said, "Get in the ring.
" I also told you to stay the fuck away from Victoria.
Now you want to give her a majority stake? What is this vendetta? BARK is ancient history.
Victoria believes in BRB, and she's willing to work You think this is about BARK? You know nothing.
Then tell me! What is it that you're so afraid of? I don't owe you an explanation, you little shit, you work for me.
You wanna cast me aside and work for my biggest enemy, well, that's just fine, but don't act like you're doing me a favor.
You don't get to have it both ways, but I do.
No matter what you do, I own a ten percent stake of BRB, so enjoy paying my ass the rest of your fucking lives! -(paintball fires) -(gasps) -I can't move my legs.
-(sighs) You've been hanging at the mall too much Your whole life's stupid, dumb Hanging with the baddest crowd And you say you're Christian and you really love America Why are you so upset? I thought we were having a nice time.
If it's about the show-- I didn't wanna do it.
And it was my show, so you shouldn't be so upset.
It's not about the show, okay? It's it's about you.
You're never around.
You're always fucking moving.
And moving.
I just want you to stay.
I want you to be my mom.
I want you to be who you say you're gonna be.
-Sweetie.
-(sighs) I don't ever want to stop moving.
That is who I am.
I don't like who you are.
I know.
You need to live your own life.
How am I supposed to do that? You come and go whenever.
You just you're you're living in my apartment.
That's my fucking jacket! -Yes.
It is.
-God damn it, Sharron.
-I'm sorry.
-No, no.
I will figure something out.
Just just stay.
Next time you come back from wherever the fuck pick someone else's lock.
VICTORIA: I'm sorry George flipped out on you.
I really thought that he was gonna come around.
I guess the stress of the investigation -is really getting to him.
-It's fine.
I have to do what's right for the company.
Atta boy.
You know, we're building something incredible down here.
The future of social.
I'll see you soon.
What did she say? I'm going to Los Angeles.
(knocking at door) Yeah? What do you want? Stop to complain and turn your head around Restrain yourself and then you die Did you tell your friends how much you missed them all? How great is to live Whoa, whoa, wait! Wait.
I This isn't how I No, no.
I mean, I (sighs) What's going on? What happened? Too late, the party's over -(sobbing) - And I really need to go Would you do something for me? -(cries) - Do something for me Would you put me to sleep? Put me to sleep (cries) MAN: Watch all episodes of Alpha House, starring John Goodman.
-Oh, that'd be great.
-Exclusively on Amazon Prime Instant Video Amazing.