Better Call Saul (2015) s01e02 Episode Script


He's really it's really messed up.
Hey, hello.
Habla English? Hey, are you the son? Ow! Grandson.
She hit hit him while driving.
My leg.
El smack-o.
Just a crazy old biznatch who ran over my brother.
It hurts so bad.
It hurts so bad.
It hurts so bad.
Look at that.
Yeah, it's this one.
- My leg.
- She she broke his leg.
And then she stood on the gas.
It's a hit-and-run.
She she felonied me.
That's a felony.
Got the whole thing Got the whole thing right here.
- Ay, dios mio.
- Okay, hold on.
Hold on.
- L let me talk to her.
- So, start talking.
Yeah, good.
Aah! Look.
He can't he can't put any pressure on it.
I need to lean on you, so I think it's it's definitely broken.
Es muy mal for my leg-o.
Lean up lean up on the mantel.
No, man, it really hurts.
Just hang in there.
Hang in there.
- "Muy mal"? - Yeah, it's muy mal.
- Dude.
- Yes, si, problema.
Shh, shh, shh! - And now dos problemas.
Aah! - Dude! Si, d-dos big problemas.
I don't know what you're saying, man.
- Dude.
- Si.
- Dude.
- Si.
We got a real problem here Si.
Yeah, si, problema.
Ay, dios mio.
Ay, dios mio.
Hey, amigo, what are you gonna do about this leg situation? I really need to see a doctor.
A doctor doctors ain't cheap, yo.
It's gonna cost.
Either you or her somebody's got to pay.
You want money.
Yes! Yeah, damn straight.
Hit-and-run? It's no joke.
We're what are the cops gonna say? Cops? They coming? - Y yeah, yeah, maybe.
- That's up to you, man.
They the cops They can be looking at this tape anytime now.
It's all up to you.
Aah! Oh, that's really bad.
You c-called her "biznatch"? - I didn't - Yeah, but whatever, man.
Please, hurry it up.
I'm hurting here.
Show us the green, or la policia is gonna come, and they're gonna be taking granny away! She's gonna go to jail.
Do you want that? Yeah, that's right play it smart.
Okay, good.
So, let's talk dollar amounts.
For what you did to my No! No! Biznatch.
Mijo? Mijo? Mijo Ah, si.
No, abuelita.
Ay, mijo.
Get over here.
Uh, my abuelita's.
Bring No-doze and tell Nacho to bring his van.
Open up! Officer of the court! Open up in the name of the law! Good afternoon.
This Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'm showing hands.
I'm I'm relaxed okay? Um, non-threatening.
You move, and you're dead.
Got it.
Seems to be a misunderstanding.
Is there, by any chance, a Betsy Kettleman here? See, I'm not sure if this is a situation where I should or should not look you in the eye.
Who are you? Are you with those redheaded scumbags? My name's James McGill.
I'm an attorney.
Uh, I got a call from some clients, uh, said something about an accident.
I did not get any details.
When I saw some skateboards in your front yard, I assumed they might Mijo Si, si.
I'm gonna make an educated guess what happened here.
My two clients, frick and frack, the mopheads, were in a simple traffic accident, a minor fender bender, but maybe they were on the wrong side of the street, or they didn't look both ways.
It could happen to anyone.
My clients, exhibiting extremely poor judgment, uh, followed your grandmother to this delightful, well-tended home.
Now, at this juncture, I'm deducing that they said or did something that Crossed a line, and you, with some justification You put them in their place.
Based on the salsa stain there, could have gone a couple ways.
The bottom line not to be morbid, but if they're dead, um, I'm guessing that I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna Yeah, I'm gonna go with glass half full here and say they're not.
Uh, my point is, if they're still alive, why kill us? Why? Because of a misunderstanding? Our own stupidity? Why mess up your lovely abuelita's place? Why jump to the nuclear option? See, I'm saying keep it simple.
I will collect my moronic clients, and Poof! We are gone.
Neither you nor your lovely abuelita will ever lay eyes on us ever again, guaranteed Signed, sealed, and delivered.
Assuming, you know, that they're still breathing.
You got a mouth on you.
Thank you.
Get up.
That way.
- That way.
- Y Yeah, sure.
Why not? So, what I should cut 'em loose? Oh! It was him! It was all his idea! No, no, no! You shut up! Say what? He he wanted to scam you.
He said we could clear 2 grand, easy.
You punking me? Are you punking my abuelita? He hit his head.
He doesn't know what he's saying.
For what? For what are you getting 2 grand? It was for going after your grandma, just for taking a header over her car and then b-bracing her.
It was him, I swear! It was the lawyer! Who are you?! Why are you after me?! I can explain.
It's you're gonna laugh.
It's so I'm a lawyer.
I check my I.
, okay? But I was running a scam.
- On my abuelita? - No, no! Not on your abuelita, not on you.
There's a woman named Betsy Kettleman.
I mentioned her.
She's married to Craig Kettleman.
He's the treasurer of Bernalillo County.
I wanted his business 'cause He stole a million and a half bucks from the county.
He's gonna be indicted for embezzlement any day now.
This is a good case for me A lot of publicity.
I'll get my name out, and Anyway, I thought if I had these two run their little skateboard hustle on Mrs.
Kettleman, I could, you know, rescue her.
Come in, throw some oil on troubled waters, and, yeah, I'd get their business.
That was the plan.
But it turns out your lovely abuelita She drives a car That's a whole lot like the Kettle-mobile.
So, these two geniuses ran their little stunt on the wrong one.
So, joke's on me.
Ha ha! I simple as that.
Where's he going? W.
Talk to me, okay? Who do you think I am? What is he getting? I was running a scam to get a client.
I made a mistake.
That's all this is.
Oh, geez.
Y-you don't need That's not I'll talk, okay? Tell me what you want to know! Who do who do you think I am? Hey, use your words, okay? What? You know what I smell? I smell lies.
I smell pork.
No, that's not necessary.
Okay, we know you're with the heat.
The question is, who? - Local? FBI? - No, no, no.
?! No, I'm a lawyer.
Just reach in my pocket right now right there! Truth.
That is the truth! I'm a lawyer! Guys, I passed the bar! Ask me anything! Not contract law, okay? I'm down at the courts every day! People know me! I'm a known quantity I am! Aah! I'm I'm special agent Jeffrey Steele, FBI.
- FBI? - FBI? I'm undercover, okay? You got me.
I'm the tip of the spear, and releasing me would be the smart move.
You hear that shit? I told you the business was too good.
I knew it.
I told you.
Can I? Okay, uh, Special Agent, uh, Steele? Jeffrey A.
Okay, Agent Steele, what business are we in? Business? You're investigating us, right? For what? What did we do? - What do we sell? - Drugs.
- What kind of drugs? - UhIt's title 21, schedule II through schedule V, including part "B.
" That's what we call them down at the bureau.
It's the task force is designated "Operation King Breaker.
" "King Breaker"? So That makes me the king! Whoo-hoo! Can I? All right.
The next words out of your mouth got to be the truth.
You understand? Uh-huh.
Who are you? I'm James Morgan McGill.
I'm a lawyer.
I was trolling for business, okay? That's the truth.
Now, you find a Bible, I'll swear on it.
Okay, what about, uh, operation, uh, King Breaker, FBI? I made it up, okay? I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I don't know you.
I don't want to.
Uh, this was a mistake, oka It's my mistake, okay? I take full and complete responsibility, but I don't know any of your names, and I got a bad case of face-blindness.
You let us go, we're gonna forget this happened.
Guys, we're gonna forget, right? Nod your heads.
Okay? So, if you just let us go and just We want to just go home.
I say cut 'em loose.
He said he was FBI.
He admitted it.
You had your wire cutters on him.
He would have said anything.
You really see the FBI hiring those two flaquitos? Maybe.
Croaking a lawyer for no reason is bad business.
He goes away, someone's gonna come look for him.
They walked into my house.
They disrespected my abuelita.
They call her "biznatch"! And they just walk?! Unh-unh! What about the lawyer? He's giving respect.
"James M.
A lawyer you can trust.
" I know how to find you, James McGill.
Understand what I'm saying? Yeah.
Okay? Take him back to his car.
Thank you.
Uh, uh, this is this is good.
This this is right.
Thank you.
Come on.
What what what about them? - Come on.
- Yeah, right.
- Come on.
- Uh, yeah, right.
- Whoa.
Uh - Yo, where you going? Uh, wait.
Can I can I say something? - Where you going? - Can you let them go? - Just let them go.
- Are you stupid? They don't deserve to die.
I put them up to it.
I don't deserve to die, but they don't, either.
I'm gonna skin them, like javelinas! Forget about them! They're insects! They're hey, think about their mother.
I spit on their mama! She is a sweet little lady.
She she's a widow.
She works hard all day, every day, just like her mother before her, from dawn till dusk, scrubbing the floors of rich people.
She needs a cane to walk, you know? She's got arthritis.
And still, she works every day.
What for herself? No.
For them for these two, her boys, her apples of her eye.
You say they don't deserve her? Maybe so, but they're all she's got.
NowYou turn them inside out, I want you to think about what happens to her.
No, that's on them.
They should have thought about that.
When I was at your abuelita's place, you were gonna let them go.
Way I see it, that's because you're tough, but you're fair.
You're all about justice.
That's what I'm saying justice.
These these two shit-for-brains? These big-mouths? You you already beat the living hell out of them.
Do you think they're ever gonna forget today? Never 10 years from now, they're still gonna be crapping their jockeys.
- It's not enough.
- Okay, okay.
Then let's talk proportionality.
They're guilty oh, agreed.
Now you have to decide, what's the right sentence? Like a judge.
Like a judge.
Ever hear of the code of Hammurabi Let the punishment fit the crime, eye for an eye? Eye for an eye.
You want me to blind them.
No, no.
All they did was trash-talk.
So I cut their tongues out! Wait.
See, I'm advising That you make the punishment fit the crime.
Punishment fit the crime.
Columbian neckties I cut their throats, and then I pull their lying tongues through the slits! "Biznatch"! Or you you could give them black eyes.
Black eyes? That ain't nothing.
That one there, homes He already got a black eye, fool.
Stop helping.
Or you could sprain their ankles.
- Sprain? - They're they're skateboarders, right? That that's how they run their scam.
They can't skate.
You you hit them where they live.
I ain't spraining nothing, bitch.
I'm gonna break their arms, and I'm gonna break their legs.
Arms? When when When did we get on to arms? - Let's - I'm cutting their legs off.
But we could go that way, butWe were talking about breaking.
I think we're heading in the wrong direction.
Break their legs.
How many legs? Two they got two legs.
One leg each.
One leg each? They're One leg each, that's a total of two legs.
Uh, hey, look.
They can't skateboard for six months, and they're scared of you forever.
You show everybody that you are the man, but that you're fair, that you're just.
One leg each.
That's tough, but it's fair.
All right, lay 'em out! I ain't got all day! It's hotter than shit out here! Quit moving You're only gonna make it worse! We're sorry! We're sorry! Lookit! Hell, yeah! Hell, yeah! He said he had a broke leg Now he's got one for real! You tell your mama you're sorry, bitch! Other one.
Look it's backwards.
Check it out.
I'm gonna do this one real clean.
No! Oh, my God! No! Whoo! Walk home now, bitch! Shut up! Shut up! Here you go.
Here you go.
Easy, easy.
- You you you aah! Aah! - Save your breath.
You you are you are the worst lawyer, the worst lawyer ever! Hey, I just talked you down from a death sentence - Oh, my God! Oh, my! - to six months' probation.
I'm the best lawyer ever.
Dude, dude, dude, oh! Oh, my God! Oh! No! Could you, uh Could you, um I'll be right back.
Ground yourself? Jimmy, did you ground yourself? Ohh.
I don't think you grounded yourself.
Jimmy, you didn't drive like this, did you? Oh, no.
I knew it.
Coffee? Yeah, thanks.
You're gonna have to take it black.
We're out of milk? Oh, sorry.
Why are you in that space blanket? You brought your cellphone in here last night.
It was in your pants pocket.
Sorry about that.
Where, uh where is it? Outside I threw it out the door.
How did I get here? Your car's not outside, so I'm assuming taxi.
Uh, the bartender wouldn't let me drive.
Why are you in that space blanket? I told you you brought your cellphone into my house.
Uh, Chuck, um, did you Chuck, did you read this? Read what? Uh, this, um, this bill did you read it? Emergency-room bill Yeah, I may have glanced at it.
It fell out of your pocket.
Hey, Chuck, listen, I I know how this looks.
I'm down to my last dime, and, suddenly, I'm paying for broken legs, but It's it's not that.
I swear.
This represents a good thing, ultimately.
I I'm not backsliding.
This isn't slippin' Jimmy.
Take off the space blanket, will you, please, Chuck? It helps.
Take off the space blanket.
I didn't do anything wrong.
It has nothing to do with that.
It was your phone.
Take off the space blanket.
Why? Take off the space blanket, Chuck.
Come on.
Take off the blanket.
Thank you.
Front yard? Mm.
Uh, do you have any idea where it landed? No.
What do you want? Not to starve to death.
What do you say? Got something for me? It's showtime, folks.
Globis, lawyer.
I'm gonna kill him.
"Your honor, I'm very sorry.
I'll never do it again.
" - Say what?! - Just Your honor, I'm very sorry, and I'll never do it again.
Okay, Mr.
Pearson, up you go.
Up you go.
All right.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa! - What's this? - I told you a suit, remember? Told you you want to look sharp.
That's a loaner, okay? I need it back.
Let's go.
- Petty with a prior.
- The kid took a slice of pizza.
- Petty with a prior.
- Look, the parents are a train wreck.
There's no food in the house! He was hungry! - Petty with a prior.
- Come on! - You're light on stickers.
- Come on.
- $5.
- You serious? You got four.
You need five.
There's four 90-minute stickers there.
You've been here 6 hours and 5 minutes.
It takes 10 minutes to walk down here! $5, or you go get another sticker.
This makes you feel real important, huh?! Not enough stickers! More stickers! It's showtime, folks.
It's showtime.
Petty with a prior.
Prior will stay on his sheet for life.
Petty with a prior.
You're overcharging him.
Petty with a prior.
That lady up there She shorts me every time, okay? This is not a me problem This is a you problem.
It's showtime.
What? It's from a movie.
Hey! - Petty with a prior.
- Misdemeanor shoplifting.
- Petty with a prior.
- Come on.
Meet me halfway.
- Petty with a prior.
- I can't do it.
- Petty with a prior.
- Okay, or how about this? I plead the kid to the sheet, but you give me a continued sentence.
And in six months, if he's still clean, you file for a dismissal.
Come on.
Is this how you want to spend your time? You can have the rest of these.
Berger, lawyer.
Oh, Mr.
Berger, we've met before, haven't we? Mr.
Edison, like the inventor? I'm James McGill.
I'll be your lawyer.
Doesn't matter.
Judge has got to see your mother.
Well, do you know anybody who looks like her? No, an Uncle won't do it.
Okay, so, a fire was started.
We all know that.
Freezing, shivering, as she is now.
In fact, wrote a book about it.
To make some cookies.
But because you Given her this name You can see that this man Chose A bonehead move.
Like a troll under a bridge! "You must have the stickers, or you won't pass!" Troll alert here don't feed it! Chào các cô, ladies.
Good evening, Mrs.
No mail.
Hey, Vicki, Maggie.
You haveZero messages.
- What? - For you a customer, waiting now.
Oh, uh, sure, sure.
Uh, give me a minute.
Welcome, welcome.
My office is being painted.
Excuse the temporary, uhQuarters.
Just me.
Tuco freaked you out, huh? It's cool.
He doesn't know I'm here.
So, uh what can I do for you? I've been thinking about what you said out there in the desert.
Those people that you were trying to scam How much did they steal? Um, north of a million and a half bucks I think.
So, they have a million and a half bucks somewhere.
In what, cash? I don't well Why are you asking me? - I'm gonna rip them off.
- Oh.
I like ripping off thieves 'cause they can't go to the cops they have no recourse.
You point me at where they have their cash I'll pay you a what do you call it? A finder's fee call it 10%, 100 large.
Well, uh, why w why would you come to me for that? You already tried ripping them off.
I'm gonna finish what you started.
I I wasn't trying to rip them off.
I I just wanted their business.
I don't know where their money is.
Smart guy like you could figure it out.
If I know what I need to know, nobody gets hurt.
We rip them off easy money.
Hey, look, I'm a lawyer, not a criminal.
You are shitting me.
I crossed a line.
I made a mistake.
I'm not doing that again, not ever.
I got between you and Tuco.
Do you think you'd be here now I kept my mouth shut? And I appreciate that.
I owe you.
A-and if you're ever in trouble, God forbid, legal trouble, I will be there, 24-7, as a lawyer.
What's your angle? No no angle.
And I'm not saying anything about this to anybody.
As far as I'm concerned, you're a client.
This is a consultation, and everything you just told me is privileged.
You rat, you die.
And that, too, yes.
For when you figure out you're in the game.
I'm not in the game.
I I promise.

Previous EpisodeNext Episode