Better Things (2016) s02e05 Episode Script

Phil

1 Ooh.
(chuckles) How's Sam's acting career going these days? Oh, I don't know.
Just a bunch of bawdy bit parts on her little cartoons.
(laughs) I mean, she has a skill, but she's never sparkled the way they do here.
The way they need to, to be taken seriously.
Huh.
Mmm.
(chuckles) It's a bit embarrassing, isn't it? And yet she lords it over us all as if she's Elizabeth Taylor.
Lords it over you? You should see the way she talks.
(imitates Sam): "I need you to help me with the girls so I can work.
" What a laugh To call that work.
Now, Gloria works.
Yes, I do.
How many houses do you clean in one day? I clean a lot of houses.
Lord.
And this little pig I raised complains "No one helps me.
" REPORTER: Tom and Harriet Banks are the lucky SAM (in distance): Why does nobody help me?! The pair came forward and claimed their It's true.
She's a stuck-up little pig.
Ooh.
And she's got her fucking father's Jewish features.
My God, if I knew I was going to have to stare into his face long after he died, I wouldn't have had her.
Hmm.
Well, you're blessed to have her, though.
She's caring for you, isn't she? And you should see her hold that over me.
Mom.
Look.
I'm happy to have you here so you can be near the girls.
But you can't do pop-ins whenever you want.
I need boundaries.
(footsteps departing) - (door slams) - SAM: Sorry! The thing that's so crude about her is that half of her wealth comes from when she was working as a child, which is really a credit to me.
Once she was on her own, her career went south and she couldn't even hold onto her husband.
Sweet man.
A really good boy of northern extraction, but she chased him away.
Chased him away.
Now she's raising the three girls on her own? Well, if you call that raising them.
They're horrid.
They're my grands and I love them, but I only really like Duke, the little one.
She's my special project.
Just remember not to repeat the mistakes of every female in our family.
Now, shh, this is a secret.
Because you have a right to know where we all went wrong.
Now, I'm going to tell you the worst of it, so you never have to think about it again.
I do love her so.
Sam.
I love all of them.
That's always been my burden.
I love too much.
I forgive too much.
(knocking) Oh.
- What? - Hi, Phil.
I need a minute with you.
- Hi! - You see? What? Mom.
What is this? I'm sure I don't know.
It says that you're applying to re-mortgage this house.
Mom.
This house is not yours.
It certainly is.
No.
I bought you this house under my name.
I'm already extended up the ass and I finally have some equity in this place.
Go ahead and threaten me.
So I'm canceling Wh-What? Go ahead and threaten me.
Take the house.
Kick me out.
Throw me on the street.
Make me a homeless, broken woman.
Take my clothes, take my rings.
You don't scare me.
- Phil.
- Hmm? I'm just gonna step around all of that and ask you to never do this again.
No.
No.
Thank you.
Bye! Whatever you say.
Mother, you had me But I never had you I wanted you You didn't want me.
PHYLLIS: If you'll follow me, I'll show you the Caravaggio exhibit.
Thought to be his most important.
You'll notice the resemblance with the Impressionists, and yet he's more disciplined, more concerned with form than they are.
Thank you.
I think, maybe we're gonna just look around by ourselves instead.
Sorry.
Oh.
All right.
WOMAN: Phyllis! - Phyllis, come! - What? The Egyptian works just arrived! (gasps) Oh Wow.
Oh, my God.
It's Usurpa.
Which one is that? She was the first queen to rule Egypt.
They found her tomb and this is all hers.
Come, let me show you my favorite.
(laughs) Oh.
How wonderful.
(gasps) Oh.
Oh, Jennie.
I did put it back.
(sighs) Phyllis.
I saw you take it.
I know.
I don't know what to say.
- I never stole anything in my life.
- You stole that ring.
Doesn't matter what you did before.
And I saw you do it.
I'm so ashamed.
Man, this is (sighs) You volunteer here, Phyllis.
And I don't want to turn in an old lady.
Maybe you should turn me in.
Maybe it's best.
Mmm, mmm, mmm, wait, hold on, hold on.
Just - Damn it, hold on.
- I wasn't gonna keep it.
I don't think.
God.
I just I haven't been myself.
Sometimes I just don't know what's going on.
I get to the end of a day, and I'm not sure what happened.
Well, maybe if you I I'll leave and never come back.
Uh (clears throat) I'll quit my docent position.
They won't care.
No one will care.
I'll leave here never come back.
Phyllis? No.
Phyllis! If you get lost In the fog tonight Will you cry? If you go out and you cannot see Will you die? If you get swallowed by clouds tonight Will you wake up in your own skin? Or will you become someone else, maybe him? (keys jingling) (sighs) (scoffs) If you go out, but you cannot see - Will you die? - (sighs) If you get swallowed by clouds tonight Will you wake up - In your own skin? - (clicks tongue) Or will you become someone else, maybe him? (inhales loudly through nose) (humming) (yells) Yeah, she said she was staying at her friend's house, but they just went downtown, and they were up all night, I guess clubbing.
Oh, I know that story.
- (scoffs) I'm sure you do.
- SAM: Listen, my girls want to meet you.
Whoops? Too soon? - No.
No, actually I was - What? N-No, it's nothing.
Yes, something.
I want to know what you were gonna say.
Look, you don't have to meet them.
I'm not putting pressure on you.
Actually, I-I was I was wondering when you were gonna ask.
I-I didn't want to be pushy and ask to meet them, but Oh.
Oh, so I'm too late? No, no.
Ugh.
Sorry.
Please.
I-I want to meet your girls.
No.
Forget it.
Forget it now.
They changed their minds.
- Oh, they did? - Yeah.
- Forget the whole thing.
- (Robin laughs) - Okay, sure.
- Okay.
Hey, Sam? - Yeah? - I really - (beep) - Oh.
- (beep) - My phone just went boop.
What? No, I I just said that - (beep) - I'm sorry, buddy.
I'm getting a call.
It's okay.
Uh, take the call.
Yes, I want to meet your girls.
- Okay.
- ROBIN: Bye.
Bye.
Hello? Hi.
Honey, do you still have your old headshots? The ones where you're wearing the hat? Oh.
I don't know.
Why? Well, someone wants to put you in a movie, but you're dead the whole movie, so they just see a picture.
And they want pictures of you from earlier.
Earlier? You mean younger? - (beep) - SAM: Oh.
Wait.
I'm getting a call.
You have to go? I don't know this number.
I'm not getting it.
- Okay.
- SAM: Okay.
I guess I'll just look for younger pictures when I wasn't gross.
You're not gross.
Don't say that.
I'll say whatever I want.
I love you.
How are you? Okay.
I love you, too.
Bye.
Bye.
MAN: Hello, I'm calling for Sam Fox from St.
John's Hospital.
Your mother Phyllis is here in the emergency room.
Please call us back at 818-555-6943.
- (click) - Shit.
Her ankle's fractured, and there is a dual fracture of her fibula.
SAM: Oh, my God.
She can't leave here for about five days.
And when she gets home, she's going to need some care.
SAM: Phil? What happened? Did she tell anybody what happened? Not that I know of, but I'll check back with you this evening.
Okay.
Thank you.
(sighs) Mom? Mom? (inhales sharply) Mom? Mom? I'm so sorry you got hurt.
What's going on? Are you mad at me? Why aren't you ? I want to go back home.
I know that, kid, but did you hear what the doctor said? You got to stay here for, like, five days until your leg sets or whatever.
I want to go back.
(sighs) It's okay.
Want an ice chip? No.
Just you.
Okay, I'm here.
(sighs) You want to watch TCM? Okay.
It's right over there.
(inhales loudly through nose) (sighs loudly) (ringtone playing) Hello.
SAM: Hi.
Yeah, listen, Mom is in the hospital.
- Oh, my God.
- No, it's not that kind of "in the hospital" yet.
You can stay in Texas, bro, but we need to talk.
Okay, but I would still like to know why my mother is in the hospital.
Oh, would you? Then maybe come see her once a year.
Jesus.
Yeah.
Me, too.
Listen, I need to figure this out.
I need your help.
- Okay.
- SAM: Don't worry.
I'm not asking you to do anything.
I just don't think I can keep Mom in that house anymore.
And she's gonna be in this hospital for about five days.
- What happened to her? - Broken foot, Marion.
She broke her foot in about 50 places.
Jesus.
Please listen to me.
I'm listening.
I feel like I have a window here.
And I need to make a move.
I want to find a home for Mom.
(sighs) A place to put her.
Like a dying lady, lonely place where mean young people put their mom.
(sighs) And if I can find a place while she's here, then I could shit.
Like, ambush her.
And take her there from here.
Okay.
So you need me to contribute financially.
No, I don't, Marion! You want me to help find a place? No.
Marion, I don't want you to do anything.
I got it.
Then why are we talking on the phone right now? Because I need you to be part of this.
I need an accomplice.
I just need this to be our decision, so I don't have to carry all the weight, because it's a lot.
Okay.
Whatever you need to do to care for Mom, it's fine with me.
That's what I needed to hear.
Thanks.
Bye.
Hel-Hello? Jesus.
(groans) When my dad was 80, he retired from his company and then I had to take care of him.
Which was hilarious, because he hadn't spoken to me in years.
He disowned me when I was 18.
'Cause of gay.
Oh, no.
He never cared about that.
(laughing): No, no, no.
He disowned me for voting for Dukakis.
(laughing) Seriously.
Oh, my God.
Uh-huh.
Oh, and he loved my brothers, and they all would go fishing and hunting.
And then when he retired, they were gone.
Nobody helped him.
And there was just me.
Mmm.
So I moved back home, and I fed him and I cleaned him, - and I wiped his ass when he shit - Ugh.
Until that turned into changing him.
And he still didn't talk to me.
- I can't believe that.
- Yeah.
I wiped my father's ass while he gave me the silent treatment.
- Wow! - It was awesome.
Yep.
And then, he started to get demented.
And the crazy thing was that when he lost his mind, he forgot who I was, and so then he was nice to me.
And we got to be real pals.
Mmm.
Wow.
You've like, on a daily basis, we'd get along great.
And he'd forget all about it and we'd start again the next morning.
- Oh, my God, honey.
- Mm-hmm.
And I liked that.
You know, but it didn't last.
And after a while, he didn't talk, and neither did I, and he stopped getting out of bed, and I didn't dress him anymore.
I just kept him hydrated and clean until he died.
(sighing): Ooh.
- Oh, boy.
That's - Yep.
- It's a trip.
- Mmm.
The thing is, you get used to things being hard, where you can work to make them better, but this isn't that.
There's no good end to this.
It doesn't get better.
(sighs) Your mother is gonna get worse and worse.
And then she'll be gone.
Yep.
(sighs) Darling.
Yeah, Mom? You know that I'm so proud of you.
You know that, don't you? Yeah, I know.
And I'm so grateful to you that you take care of me.
And that you keep me.
Go to sleep, Mom.
(indistinct conversations) Are you gonna marry my mother? (chuckling): Uh Uh, not today.
Why not? Oh, you don't love her; I get it.
I'm so tired.
Oh, you are? Did you have a big day? No.
She didn't do anything today.
She's just being a butt.
I don't mind.
MAX: Mom.
Mom.
What? Hi.
I'm here.
So, Max, do you have any plans after high school? Mmm.
Well, I'm graduating early, and then I'm gonna travel.
Like, that's what I want to do.
And, I don't know, I-I might spend the summer with my dad.
- ROBIN: Oh.
- (snorts) Mom.
Sorry.
So I'm sure you've had sex with my mother, which is fine.
Oh, my God.
But are you using protection? Because if not, that's fine, too.
I want a baby brother.
(Robin and Sam laughing) Um So, how old's your daughter? She's 14.
And her mom's not around? No, not really; it's just me.
FRANKIE: Wow.
I think that's amazing.
You're raising a girl all by yourself, that must be hard.
Jesus Christ.
What? Nothing.
Mom, how come Nan's not here? (sighs) She's just not, baby.
Here, put some rice in your soup.
Eat some dinner.
- SAM: Hi.
- MARION (on phone): Hey.
So I did some research, and I know a guy in L.
A.
who's got a few places, real nice.
It's called "assisted living.
" Bro, it's okay.
Well, I want to help.
No.
I'm gonna keep her home.
I'm just gonna do it till I can't do it.
Or till she can't.
I don't think we're there yet.
- (car lock beeps) - Honestly.
- Oh? - Yeah.
It's okay.
Okay.
Listen, I know your issues with Mom, and I get it.
But after she dies, I hope you come around more often to see the girls and me.
Because I miss you, okay? Okay.
Okay, I love you.
Bye.
Tell me, who's that writin'? John the Revelator Tell me who's that writin'? (sighs) John the Revelator - Hi.
- Tell me who's that writin'? - Hi.
- John the Revelator Wrote the book of the seven seals Well, who's that writin'? John the Revelator Wrote the book of the seven seals