Beverly Hills, 90210 (1990) s10e16 Episode Script
The Final Proof
Want some breakfast? Uh, you know, there's something about a $39 omelette that I don't find appetising.
Thanks, though.
[CHUCKLES.]
Come on, cheapskate.
It's on the house.
I ought to hang out with you more often.
I got tip-off in ten minutes, breakfast a phone call away, and not the slightest scent of a dirty diaper.
Gotta love that.
[KNOCKlNG ON DOOR.]
[GRUNTS.]
I think my brother might've done something crazy.
- And what, this surprises you? - I think he might've kidnapped Noah.
Mm-hm.
Yeah, well, now's not a real good time.
Dylan, Shane asked you to bail me out with my dealer.
He begged you.
This way, he thinks he can force you.
Your brother, he, uh, orchestrated a kidnapping? - He couldn't scramble an egg.
- He's watched you.
He knows you have money.
He knows you have a goddaughter.
What did she say? - He even went by your house.
- What? Then he started squawking about Noah, and now I can't find either one of them.
So she's fine? JANET [OVER PHONE.]
: Something wrong? - No, I just-- I just wanted to know.
JANET: Okay.
- Is that all? - Yeah.
I'll call you later.
Bye.
- Ugh, Maddy's fine.
- Good.
Now let's find out about Noah.
You want us to be contestants on a game show on Valentine's Day? - Yeah, Lovers' Lane.
- Heh.
You know, uh, two couples who are getting married, answering questions, showing why they're meant to be together.
Oh, that's a great idea.
And I can coach you, whip you into shape.
Okay, wait.
Quick.
What part of his body would Matt say is his favourite place to be massaged? - Okay-- - His neck, shoulders, or his feet? You watch this? - No.
I just hear things.
KELLY: Heh.
[PHONE RlNGlNG.]
I'll get it, heh.
DONNA: When did you sign up? MATT: Few weeks ago.
- Hello? - Have you seen Noah? Hold on.
Have we seen Noah? - It's Dylan.
- Yeah, yeah.
I'll coach you.
I always watch that show.
I love that show.
I'll take that as a no.
If he comes by, do you want me to tell him you called? No.
It's just club stuff.
I'll, uh-- I'll talk to you later.
- So have you seen him? - No.
Maybe he crashed at the club.
- I got the answering machine.
- He's probably sawing logs in the office.
Why? What's up? I'm working on a cross-promotion with the Beat, that's all.
- I'll check in with you later.
DAVlD: Okay.
Well, his car's here.
Silver was right.
He's probably sleeping.
I'll check inside.
DYLAN: He's not inside.
This is a joke, right? Some kind of prank? I don't know.
Let me get this right.
You idiots actually think Dylan's gonna fork over a million dollars for me? SHANE: Your pal's worth 200 million.
MAN: Yeah, you said so yourself.
- I was messing with you.
I don't know what the guy's worth, okay? You better hope it's a lot.
Will you use your head? Think.
A million dollars? - We're not that close.
SHANE: Okay.
This is how it works.
I get the money, and you can go free.
I don't get the money, and I'll kill you.
Make that really clear to him, and I'm sure he'll be moved to tears.
Okay? All right.
Let's make a movie.
- Hi.
- What? - You paged me like eight times.
- Oh, yeah.
I needed someone to watch the store tomorrow.
Oh, and you assumed that I'd be available on Valentine's Day.
[CHUCKLES.]
- I think I should be insulted.
- I asked Camille instead.
Now I know I should be insulted, since I'm sure she said yes.
Well, maybe she needs some company? All right.
I'll help in exchange for some advice.
I found this cashmere sweater at Fred Segal - that I think she's really gonna dig.
- Expensive.
Yeah, I know, but my instincts are telling me that, uh, I think she's ready to be swept off her feet.
- I'd prefer a card.
- Well, I'll get her a card.
It's the gift.
Yeah, I'd prefer a card as the gift.
You know, maybe the handmade, red construction-paper type with doilies and white glue.
That was the first Valentine I gave to someone other than my mother.
- God, did I really use doilies? - Yeah.
- It was sweet and simple, heh.
- So, what are you doing tomorrow? Me? Oh, well, I'm spending the day with Matt and Kelly.
- They're contestants on Lovers' Lane.
- That's weird.
No.
Actually, uh, weird is being the third wheel on Valentines' Day, especially with two people making their network debut as America's cutest couple.
That is weird.
- Donna? - Hmm? I said it before, and I'll say it again.
- You are going to find someone.
- I know.
[CHUCKLES.]
Where is he? - Did you find out anything? - Where is your brother? - I don't know.
I've been-- - Are you hearing what I'm saying? - We're talking about kidnapping.
- So I was right.
If you are right, he's going to jail, and you are gonna go with him.
If you know something-- - I don't know anything.
- That's not good enough.
Look.
My brother starred in a sitcom.
He was making 1 0,000 a week.
So what? They said he was gonna be a star, that his career was gonna last forever.
He was 1 5 years old.
And now he's 28, and he fixes cars for a living.
I love my brother, but I don't try to understand him.
You know what? What's his number? Just hit "send.
' I've been trying him all day.
Shane, it's Dylan McKay.
Call me.
Sit down.
Hey.
Okay, your dad called me, - and he invited me to dinner.
- That's good.
But he hasn't called me since Christmas.
Oh, well, I'm sure he's just been busy.
They've been travelling a lot.
Well, how many times has he called you in the last two months? - Right.
- No.
He was probably waiting for the right time, Iike, let's say, when my mom went out of town.
Oh, right.
That's what's going on.
So, basically, he's just fitting me in while the guard's away.
That's sweet.
No.
Listen, here's how it's gonna go.
He, uh-- He's gonna take you to Ty's Steakhouse on Beverly.
He'll order a shrimp cocktail and a filet.
Just talk about the Lakers.
Tell him how you favour a flat tax.
It'll go great.
- But if he's just killing time-- - He's a good guy.
Yeah? Well, I hope so.
It's just that, you know, I've missed having a dad for so long.
I just hope that he doesn't turn out to be anything other than that.
WOMAN [ON TV.]
: Does your bank? So, listen, how does dinner tomorrow at ll Cielo sound? Hmm, cosy and romantic.
Perfect for Valentine's Day.
Good, good, good.
Because that's where we're gonna go when we win.
- And what if we lose? - We what? - Lose.
- We will not lose.
But if we do, it's dinner for two at Hot Stop Tacos.
But I will spring for candles.
- You guys, it's back on.
- Come on, come on, come on.
- Take a seat.
Come on, come on.
- I know, I know.
I'm going, I'm going.
[GAME SHOW JlNGLE PLAYlNG ON TV.]
MAN [ON TV.]
: And we're back for our bonus round.
Here we go.
Tina This is couple number one's last chance to win.
What would your future husband say most attracted him to you? - My mind.
- All right.
Jim, you can take your headphones off there.
- What most attracted you to Tina? - Her body.
Who are you kidding? I hadn't even paid for this body yet when we first met.
[CROWD CH EERS ON TV.]
I mean, uh, I wasn't in shape yet.
You know, heh, toned.
- You are so dead.
J I M : Sorry, baby.
- I misunderstood the question.
- What'd I miss? Nothing that I could possibly explain.
Where do they find people like this? Yesterday, this woman told her fiance that she used to be a man.
She said she just forgot to mention it.
I swear to God.
Okay, that's it.
I do not wanna be a part of the freak show.
- Yeah, but you guys aren't freaks.
- Oh, thanks.
Which is the reason you can win this thing with our expert coaching.
I need to talk to somebody who hasn't lost her mind.
Where's Maddy? She's with my mom for the week.
She's babysitting, giving us a break.
So you have nothing better to do than help us publicly humiliate ourselves? No.
So let's start simple, okay? - What colour is Matt's toothbrush? - Oh, this is so stupid.
That couple Janet was talking about won $25,000.
- Twenty-five--? - Thousand.
- Red.
Soft bristle.
- Yeah, thattagirl.
[KELLY CHUCKLES.]
So why don't you tell me about what's going on in your life? Do I have to, heh? How about your skating? You were really, really good.
You haven't given up on that, have you? No.
Um It's just kind of given up on me.
I saw the Olympic tryouts on TV.
Come on, you were spectacular.
I came in fourth.
Fourth? Gina, you were fourth in the entire United States.
- Come on.
- Yeah, tell that to my mother.
She said it was your idea to keep it a secret.
When she decided to go through with the pregnancy, we came to an arrangement.
"When she decided.
' So you wanted her to end it? Oh, Gina, no.
I never even suggested that.
- But you didn't tell her not to either.
- Gina, it was her choice.
I told her I would support any decision she made, and I did.
With your arrangement.
A lot of fathers used to come and watch their daughters skate.
I know because I used to stare at their faces.
They always looked so proud, heh.
I used to pick one and pretend he was mine.
I don't even know what to call you, heh.
What about John? A lot of adult kids call their parents by their first names.
Right.
John it is, heh.
JOHN: Thank you.
Well, I hope you're hungry.
These portions here are huge, huh? Donna predicted exactly what you would order, heh.
I just think it's great that you guys know each other that well.
[PHONE RlNGlNG.]
Yeah? SHANE [OVER PHONE.]
: A million bucks - to see your friend.
- I need to see Noah first.
Check your e-mail.
SHANE: Hey, Dylan.
Tomorrow at 2, I want you to drive east on the 10 towards Vegas, and I'll call you in your car.
I know you can afford it, so let's keep things simple.
No cops.
You ever see Deer Hunter? Best Picture of '78.
De Niro, Chris Walken.
Had some nice moments.
This was my favourite, though.
[GU N CLlCKS.]
[LAUGH I NG.]
Didn't go off.
Don't test my resolve, McKay.
Your pal here, he's not that lucky.
I've got nothing to lose.
Don't test my resolve, McKay.
Your pal here, he's not that lucky.
I've got nothing to lose.
What are you gonna do? - Get him his money.
- Well, the cops can stick in some kind of tracking device with the money, right? I don't want anybody knowing about this.
Yeah, I understand that.
But is that what they told you to do? I didn't go to the cops.
- What do you mean? - Can you keep this to yourself or not? Hello? Noah's been kidnapped.
How could you not go to the cops? Well, I'm not a very big believer in the local constabulary.
[SlGHS.]
Look, I know guys like Shane.
He's crazy, but I can deal with him.
Now, will you cover for me or not? Yeah, I'll cover for you.
But I gotta tell you, Dylan, this superhero complex of yours is gonna get somebody killed.
[SlGHS.]
- Jean-Claude Van Damme.
- Cindy Crawford.
- On the washing machine.
- With the lights on.
I think I'm gonna be sick.
Oh, no, they're just trying to psych you out.
If Matt were an animal, what would he be? No, you guys, I really don't feel good.
[CHEERlNG.]
Hello, contestants.
Are you ready to play? - [lN UNlSON.]
We are.
- Excellent.
Now, the key to a good show is energy.
Remember, don't be afraid to scream and yell.
If you feel like jumping up and down, jump up and down.
[CHUCKLES.]
[CHUCKLES.]
- Problem? - Um, can you just give us a minute? [KELLY GRUNTS.]
- I'm not doing this on purpose.
- Forget about that.
Donna made me eat-- What was it? Egg whites and carrot juice, heh? She said it would enhance my memory.
- Why don't I tell her we can't go on? - No, no.
I'll be fine.
I just need to [GRUNTS.]
- I'll go make sure she's okay.
- All right.
Matt, Kelly, is everything all right? - Uh, actually-- - No, no.
We're, uh-- We're fine, heh.
- What are you doing? - She thinks I'm Kelly.
- But you're not.
- Do you wanna win? Uh, perhaps I should go over what makes good TV again.
Oh, no.
We got it.
Don't we, honeybunch? Ah, God, I love my guy.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
We're good.
Keep an eye on him, okay? All right.
Enjoying your stay? I've got an errand to run, but I'm gonna bring you back something, okay? Go to hell.
[CHUCKLES.]
Don't mess with him.
He's not as stupid as he looks.
That's funny.
[FANFARE PLAYlNG ON TV.]
Hey, could you turn it up a little bit, man? Come on, just turn it up a little bit.
[TV VOLUME lNCREASES.]
All right, man.
You're all heart.
Thank you.
[GUNFlRE ON TV.]
MAN [ON TV.]
: Crazy fools.
Now we'll have to attack [DOORBELL RlNGS.]
- Hi.
- Hi.
Gina.
You know, I just happened to be at the market, so I picked up some things for you.
- Excuse me.
- Um So, well, Donna said that you like to eat frozen dinners when Felice is out of town.
JOHN: Yeah, Felice loaded up, and then Donna called the market, and they sent more over.
I've got enough beef stroganoff here to feed an army.
Oh, well, um, I got you veal piccata.
- Oh, veal.
Good.
- You hate veal.
No, no.
I like veal.
I really like veal.
There's just no room.
You've already got enough women in your life, don't you? - And they actually know what you like.
- Gina I really want this to work.
Right.
Well, maybe you should try calling me more than once every two months, then.
[CROWD APPLAUDlNG.]
So, Judy, what is your future husband's favourite nickname for you in bed? Heh, Athena.
Ron, you can take your headphones off.
There you go.
All right, it's time.
What is your favourite nickname for Judy in bed? - Athena.
- That is correct.
Very good.
So Athena like the famous Greek goddess? - No, it's Ron's mother's name.
RYAN: Talk about in-law problems.
All right, here we go.
Couple number two, first question.
Matt, you can put your headphones on there.
Kelly, aside from the bedroom, what's your fiance's favourite place to make whoopee? - In Matt's law office, heh.
- Yeah, right.
Nice try, Donna, heh.
RYAN: Aside from the bedroom, what's your favourite place to make whoopee? [CHUCKLES.]
- Um, in my office.
RYAN: That's right.
Fifty points, and a tie game.
Very nice.
- Once, heh.
- Heh.
RYAN: So, uh, Kelly, tell us, exactly what type of legal work does Matt perform for you, huh? Uh, well, I don't think we need to go there, guy.
Oh, come on.
Does he sequester you? - Or perhaps hold you in contempt? - Oh, no, we don't do that.
But, uh, sometimes we play this game, Attorney-Client Privilege, heh.
[CROWD LAUGHS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Valentine's Day.
You know, I've never had a good one? Well, I'm gonna change that.
Cook you dinner tonight.
- Oh, David, you don't have to do that.
- I want to.
- Okay.
MAN: Hi.
Rick.
- What are you doing here? - I wanna talk to you.
It'll just take a minute.
- Would you excuse me? - Sure.
- I'd like this wrapped, please.
- All right.
[DAVlD CLEARS THROAT.]
[MAN SlGHS.]
So l, uh, noticed you taking a little while to figure out what you wanted to get.
Oh, I know my girlfriend will like this.
What I was trying to decide is whether I'd like spending the money for it.
All right.
It's, uh, $378.
86.
That's a lot of money for a Valentine's gift.
Well, you know, special occasion, something she wouldn't get for herself.
I mean, what am I gonna do, get her a card? [MAN SCOFFS.]
No, heh.
- Don't you think, uh, less is more? - Not on this planet.
David.
Um, I need a little more time.
Do you mind? - No.
Everything's okay? - Yeah, yeah.
Everything's good.
MAN: Um, excuse me.
Excuse me.
- Sorry.
- You, uh, said you wrapped.
Right, I wrap.
Yes, I do.
[CROWD APPLAUDlNG.]
Okay, here we go.
Ron, you're up by 50 points.
If you get this right, it's gonna clinch it for you.
If you could change one thing about Judy, what would it be? - Her mole.
RYAN: All right.
Judy, headphones off.
Here's the question.
If Ron could change one thing about you, what do you think it would be? [CHUCKLES.]
My sense of humour, because sometimes I'm just too funny.
Well, I'm afraid Ron doesn't like your mole.
My mole? It's not a mole.
- It's a beauty mark.
- Sure, when the lights are out.
If Matt and Donna get this one right, you guys win.
- We win? - Twenty-five thousand dollars.
Don't be nervous, Matt.
This question could give you the game.
- All right.
RYAN : Here we go.
Who does Kelly consider to be her best friend? This is so easy.
We won.
[CLEARS TH ROAT.]
- Me.
RYAN : All right.
Let's find out.
Kelly, headphones off.
Your turn.
For all the marbles, tell us who's your best friend? - Donna Martin.
RYAN: I'm sorry.
Matt said he was your best friend.
Guess not.
Congratulations, Ron and Judy, you're our $25, 000 winners! - Is this as awkward as I think it is? - Hmm.
Oh, yeah.
And then some.
RYAN: --a fabulous three days and four nights at one of the finest hotels on the island.
His and her matching luggage and a customised honeymoon gift package.
Wow! - Talk about baby needing new shoes.
- Steve, put that away.
Come on.
- Dylan, why are you doing this? - Somebody's life's at stake.
- Yeah, someone you don't even like.
- No, I don't like him.
But people I know do, and I'm doing it for them.
- You're gonna need help.
- You got a wife and a kid.
Do you want me to go with you? [SlGHS.]
- Are you ready? - Guess so.
All right, look, it's 2:00.
You're gonna take the 1 0 east to Las Vegas? - Right.
- If I don't hear from you by 3:00, Dylan, I'm gonna have every cop in Palmdale looking for you.
- Do you understand? - Thanks, man.
Dylan, don't be an idiot.
[SlGHS.]
- I'm so sorry about this.
I really am.
- Stop apologising.
I know.
I just feel really weird about this.
- I'm confused.
- lt'll be over soon enough.
Except there's been a change of plans.
Dylan.
How you doing? [SCOFFS.]
Get in.
Josie, take the bag from him.
Let's go for a ride.
Give you the honours.
Hey, um, did you guys know that this bread machine can make four loaves at a time? Four loaves? I didn't know that, hmm.
I think that's a really great consolation prize, don't you? - What do you guys think? - Oh, yeah, sure.
Everyone in America knows about our little sex games in the office, and I get a bread maker out of the deal.
That's great.
- Heh, this was your idea.
- I wanted to do it with you, okay? - Not your best friend.
- I'm sorry.
I had food poisoning.
I wasn't thinking.
If I was thinking, of course I would've said your name.
You know what? Donna is my best friend.
- What is your problem? - I never said I had a problem.
Other than the fact that you guys lost $25,000.
I'm sorry.
Tell me, is there any intimate detail that you haven't, uh, broadcast? How about this? You can cancel any dinner plans we had for tonight.
You sure? I can get us a table for three.
- lt'll spare you the post-game replay.
- Can you be quiet for five minutes? Don't ask me.
I'm not the one with the problem being quiet.
You heard what Steve said.
He's probably called the cops by now.
Yeah, and sent them out into the desert.
Which is a hundred miles in the opposite direction.
DYLAN: Did it ever occur to you, genius, that when they don't find you there, they'll look somewhere else? Well, this'll keep us a couple of steps ahead.
They know who you are.
They know who your friends are.
I think you're gonna need more than a couple of steps.
Forget him.
He's just talking.
I gave you the money.
Don't you think you should let me and my friend go? - Uh, hey.
- Hey.
- Is Donna around? - No.
She's with Matt and Kelly.
You know they're doing Lovers' Lane today? Ken and Barbie are doing the game show.
That's right.
Let me ask you something.
Say this guy showed up and gave this girl you liked a really expensive watch, and then she said she needed some time, and they took off together.
Would you be worried? [CLEARS THROAT.]
Okay.
Okay.
Um, well, what'd he look like? I don't know.
Successful.
Hmm.
How long has she been gone? - Two hours and 46 minutes.
- Right.
Okay, basically, what you're asking me is if I think Camille is, you know, spending some time in a king-size bed in the master bedroom of a Beverly Hills mansion with a rich guy who just bought her a bunch of expensive gifts - for Valentine's Day? - Yeah.
Thank you for the gross details.
Three hundred and fifty dollars is not a bad gift.
My competition has a bungalow by the pool at the Beverly Hills Hotel.
- Heh, what, did he tell you that? - No.
He just said hi.
The rest was inferred.
Okay, you're really obsessing about this.
I'm not obsessing.
Obsessing is a compulsive attachment to an unreasonable idea or emotion.
Camille was here, and now she's not, so anything that follows is completely reasonable, down to the caviare he's probably eating off her stomach right now as we speak.
Right.
Sorry.
Did you want me to give Donna a message or anything? Oh, um Yeah.
Sure.
Just tell her that I tried, and I failed, as usual.
BOTH: Hi.
- I hate Valentine's Day.
- Thanks to me, who can blame you? So possessive.
"Be mine.
Devote yourself to me.
' - It's like that's all that should exist.
- Well, kind of is.
Oh, I forgot.
Matt doesn't want me talking to you.
Oh, okay.
No, he doesn't want you confiding in me.
- And I'm not so sure you should.
- I can't believe you just said that.
Well, your husband should be your best friend, not me.
Yeah, but you're my safety net in case everything goes to hell.
Planning on disaster probably isn't the secret to a good marriage.
I can't do this.
I don't know how to do this.
Just talk to Matt.
You guys will figure it out.
And just think, in the meantime, I can still confide in you.
And here I am.
This is me confiding, heh.
How pathetic is this? Getting married has some severe drawbacks.
Maybe.
But learning to confide in Matt probably isn't one of them.
[KNOCKlNG ON DOOR.]
GlNA: Yeah? - Hi, John.
- Hi.
- May I come in? - Sure.
Now, I thought a lot about what you said.
About how you think there's no room for you in my life.
You know what? Some things just can't be worked out, no matter how hard you try.
Look, when Donna was younger, and I was still practising, I'd let her sit in the amphitheatre that I operated in-- Well, I'm sure that she really loved that.
No.
No, I wanted her to understand what I did.
Not just how I did it, but what it really meant.
You take a person with a bad heart, and you give them another chance.
I guess it must be weird going to sleep thinking that you're gonna die, and then you just wake up with a whole new life.
It's a bit like going to sleep thinking that your father is one person, and then he turns out to be someone entirely different.
But you see, neither one of them work unless you really try.
- I hate calling you John.
- Then you call me Dad.
I'd be so honoured.
Yeah? Dad.
I like that, heh.
Me too.
Come on.
SHANE: Noah, look what I brought you.
Come on.
- Let him join his little girlfriend there.
NOAH: What are you doing? Yeah, that's real cute.
Maybe if you were that funny a long time ago, your show would still be on.
[CHUCKLES.]
- What are you doing? - I gave him his money.
He gave you the money.
We're out of here.
- No.
- Shane.
What are you talking about? I got kidnapping with use of a firearm.
That's life in prison.
According to my research, it's the same as if I killed you two losers.
- You hate me, don't you? - Hey.
Hi.
David, I'm really sorry.
I had no idea how long that would take.
- Rick is this ex-boyfriend of mine-- - I got you a gift.
Oh, that's so sweet.
If you only knew the kind of afternoon I've had - I think I have a pretty good idea.
- Oh, so it was obvious, then? - Yeah.
- Oh, good.
I'm so glad, because I ran out of here so fast, I was worried that you might've gotten the impression that I actually liked Rick.
[CHUCKLES.]
Of course you don't like Rick.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
You did get the wrong impression, didn't you? In these really grotesque sort of detailed ways.
- Like, I had images and-- - David.
Rick and I broke up a long time ago.
But every year, he insists on giving me these lavish gifts, as if I didn't find gestures like that just completely repulsive.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Um, I mean, especially on Valentine's Day, which is the simplest, most personal holiday of all.
But I don't need to tell you that, now, do l? I hope not.
- Here you go.
- Oh, thank you.
This is perfect, heh.
Aw! Heh.
- Who's that for? - Uh, my little sister.
I love getting her surprises.
[SlGHS.]
- You know what? You're the best.
- You are the best.
This is too cute.
- Yeah, hi, sweetie.
- Daddy, you sound out of breath.
Your sister - is in the middle of torturing me.
- What are you talking about? Uh, Gina's got me doing these stomach crunches.
Worst is yet to come.
Gina's training you? Every relationship needs a starting place.
My miserable physical condition, that's ours.
Oh, that's great.
Good for you.
As soon as the beating's over here, we're going to dinner.
Why don't you come along with us, huh? Yeah, sure.
Unless you need some time alone with Gina.
No, I would love to have dinner with both my daughters on Valentine's Day.
Okay, Dad, you gotta go.
Break's over.
Very busy.
Okay.
- Did Gina just call you "Dad"? - Yeah.
Uh, why don't you come over around Okay, I'll see you then.
And, Dad, I'm really happy for you.
- Thanks.
- Bye.
It's all here.
- One - One, two, three.
[BOTH GRUNT.]
What are we gonna do with those two? Oh, go get them.
Bring them out here.
We did this to get out of trouble, not to get into more of it.
[MAN GRUNTS.]
DYLAN: Give me the keys.
Josie, listen to me.
We don't have a choice.
We have to kill them.
Jo.
Shane, look out.
[SHANE GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTlNG AND SHOUTlNG.]
- Stop it! - Good girl, Jo.
Stop it, everyone! We're not killers, Shane.
I just want this to be over.
Do the right thing.
Here.
Josie, you don't wanna make a mistake.
- Come on.
SHANE: Jo, don't listen to him.
We're this close to having everything we want.
Shut up.
Just shut up.
Come on.
All right.
- Hey, hey.
Watch it! - Move.
Move! Go! - What about the money? - Forget about it! Get over there.
Hey, this belongs to you, man.
[KNOCKlNG ON DOOR.]
Hey.
For the record, the game show was idiotic.
You were pretty clear on that from the start.
But telling Donna everything was pretty idiotic too.
Look, I know how close you two are.
And you should know that I respect that.
I know.
But I also know that things between her and I need to change.
I should've thought of that before, but I didn't.
I'm sorry.
- Happy Valentine's Day.
- What is this? Open it.
MATT: Hmm.
I've been writing in one since I was a little girl.
It's the latest edition.
No one has ever seen it.
I don't know what to say.
It's, uh, an incredible gesture.
But, uh, I can't take this, Kelly.
- You don't wanna read it? - No, I don't wanna read it.
Even best friends don't share everything.
At least they shouldn't.
Besides, ahem, I'm not gonna let you read mine.
- You keep a journal? - For my eyes only.
Hey, I just offered up.
Yeah, well, I can't help you out.
I'm sorry.
All right, fine.
Be that way.
But you don't know the gold you just passed up.
- Really? - Heh, yup.
- That juicy, huh? - Uh-huh.
Well, on second thought, maybe - Where are you going? - You have to come and get it.
Just a little time for Attorney-Client Privilege.
No, heh.
[SCREAMS.]
So you both have to testify when Shane and Josie go on trial.
- That's what the cops say, yeah.
- Did they mention anything about taking the law into your own hands? No, but, uh, they did say thank you.
[SCOFFS.]
You okay? I don't know.
- What day is it? - It's Valentine's Day.
[DOORBELL RlNGS.]
Dad, you wanna get that? It's probably Donna.
Dad? Dad? Dad? [DOORBELL RlNGS.]
Something's wrong.
He's not breathing.
Call 91 1.
Daddy? Daddy? Oh, God.
Daddy, can you hear me? [SOBBlNG.]
Daddy, please just stay with me.
[CRYlNG.]
Thanks, though.
[CHUCKLES.]
Come on, cheapskate.
It's on the house.
I ought to hang out with you more often.
I got tip-off in ten minutes, breakfast a phone call away, and not the slightest scent of a dirty diaper.
Gotta love that.
[KNOCKlNG ON DOOR.]
[GRUNTS.]
I think my brother might've done something crazy.
- And what, this surprises you? - I think he might've kidnapped Noah.
Mm-hm.
Yeah, well, now's not a real good time.
Dylan, Shane asked you to bail me out with my dealer.
He begged you.
This way, he thinks he can force you.
Your brother, he, uh, orchestrated a kidnapping? - He couldn't scramble an egg.
- He's watched you.
He knows you have money.
He knows you have a goddaughter.
What did she say? - He even went by your house.
- What? Then he started squawking about Noah, and now I can't find either one of them.
So she's fine? JANET [OVER PHONE.]
: Something wrong? - No, I just-- I just wanted to know.
JANET: Okay.
- Is that all? - Yeah.
I'll call you later.
Bye.
- Ugh, Maddy's fine.
- Good.
Now let's find out about Noah.
You want us to be contestants on a game show on Valentine's Day? - Yeah, Lovers' Lane.
- Heh.
You know, uh, two couples who are getting married, answering questions, showing why they're meant to be together.
Oh, that's a great idea.
And I can coach you, whip you into shape.
Okay, wait.
Quick.
What part of his body would Matt say is his favourite place to be massaged? - Okay-- - His neck, shoulders, or his feet? You watch this? - No.
I just hear things.
KELLY: Heh.
[PHONE RlNGlNG.]
I'll get it, heh.
DONNA: When did you sign up? MATT: Few weeks ago.
- Hello? - Have you seen Noah? Hold on.
Have we seen Noah? - It's Dylan.
- Yeah, yeah.
I'll coach you.
I always watch that show.
I love that show.
I'll take that as a no.
If he comes by, do you want me to tell him you called? No.
It's just club stuff.
I'll, uh-- I'll talk to you later.
- So have you seen him? - No.
Maybe he crashed at the club.
- I got the answering machine.
- He's probably sawing logs in the office.
Why? What's up? I'm working on a cross-promotion with the Beat, that's all.
- I'll check in with you later.
DAVlD: Okay.
Well, his car's here.
Silver was right.
He's probably sleeping.
I'll check inside.
DYLAN: He's not inside.
This is a joke, right? Some kind of prank? I don't know.
Let me get this right.
You idiots actually think Dylan's gonna fork over a million dollars for me? SHANE: Your pal's worth 200 million.
MAN: Yeah, you said so yourself.
- I was messing with you.
I don't know what the guy's worth, okay? You better hope it's a lot.
Will you use your head? Think.
A million dollars? - We're not that close.
SHANE: Okay.
This is how it works.
I get the money, and you can go free.
I don't get the money, and I'll kill you.
Make that really clear to him, and I'm sure he'll be moved to tears.
Okay? All right.
Let's make a movie.
- Hi.
- What? - You paged me like eight times.
- Oh, yeah.
I needed someone to watch the store tomorrow.
Oh, and you assumed that I'd be available on Valentine's Day.
[CHUCKLES.]
- I think I should be insulted.
- I asked Camille instead.
Now I know I should be insulted, since I'm sure she said yes.
Well, maybe she needs some company? All right.
I'll help in exchange for some advice.
I found this cashmere sweater at Fred Segal - that I think she's really gonna dig.
- Expensive.
Yeah, I know, but my instincts are telling me that, uh, I think she's ready to be swept off her feet.
- I'd prefer a card.
- Well, I'll get her a card.
It's the gift.
Yeah, I'd prefer a card as the gift.
You know, maybe the handmade, red construction-paper type with doilies and white glue.
That was the first Valentine I gave to someone other than my mother.
- God, did I really use doilies? - Yeah.
- It was sweet and simple, heh.
- So, what are you doing tomorrow? Me? Oh, well, I'm spending the day with Matt and Kelly.
- They're contestants on Lovers' Lane.
- That's weird.
No.
Actually, uh, weird is being the third wheel on Valentines' Day, especially with two people making their network debut as America's cutest couple.
That is weird.
- Donna? - Hmm? I said it before, and I'll say it again.
- You are going to find someone.
- I know.
[CHUCKLES.]
Where is he? - Did you find out anything? - Where is your brother? - I don't know.
I've been-- - Are you hearing what I'm saying? - We're talking about kidnapping.
- So I was right.
If you are right, he's going to jail, and you are gonna go with him.
If you know something-- - I don't know anything.
- That's not good enough.
Look.
My brother starred in a sitcom.
He was making 1 0,000 a week.
So what? They said he was gonna be a star, that his career was gonna last forever.
He was 1 5 years old.
And now he's 28, and he fixes cars for a living.
I love my brother, but I don't try to understand him.
You know what? What's his number? Just hit "send.
' I've been trying him all day.
Shane, it's Dylan McKay.
Call me.
Sit down.
Hey.
Okay, your dad called me, - and he invited me to dinner.
- That's good.
But he hasn't called me since Christmas.
Oh, well, I'm sure he's just been busy.
They've been travelling a lot.
Well, how many times has he called you in the last two months? - Right.
- No.
He was probably waiting for the right time, Iike, let's say, when my mom went out of town.
Oh, right.
That's what's going on.
So, basically, he's just fitting me in while the guard's away.
That's sweet.
No.
Listen, here's how it's gonna go.
He, uh-- He's gonna take you to Ty's Steakhouse on Beverly.
He'll order a shrimp cocktail and a filet.
Just talk about the Lakers.
Tell him how you favour a flat tax.
It'll go great.
- But if he's just killing time-- - He's a good guy.
Yeah? Well, I hope so.
It's just that, you know, I've missed having a dad for so long.
I just hope that he doesn't turn out to be anything other than that.
WOMAN [ON TV.]
: Does your bank? So, listen, how does dinner tomorrow at ll Cielo sound? Hmm, cosy and romantic.
Perfect for Valentine's Day.
Good, good, good.
Because that's where we're gonna go when we win.
- And what if we lose? - We what? - Lose.
- We will not lose.
But if we do, it's dinner for two at Hot Stop Tacos.
But I will spring for candles.
- You guys, it's back on.
- Come on, come on, come on.
- Take a seat.
Come on, come on.
- I know, I know.
I'm going, I'm going.
[GAME SHOW JlNGLE PLAYlNG ON TV.]
MAN [ON TV.]
: And we're back for our bonus round.
Here we go.
Tina This is couple number one's last chance to win.
What would your future husband say most attracted him to you? - My mind.
- All right.
Jim, you can take your headphones off there.
- What most attracted you to Tina? - Her body.
Who are you kidding? I hadn't even paid for this body yet when we first met.
[CROWD CH EERS ON TV.]
I mean, uh, I wasn't in shape yet.
You know, heh, toned.
- You are so dead.
J I M : Sorry, baby.
- I misunderstood the question.
- What'd I miss? Nothing that I could possibly explain.
Where do they find people like this? Yesterday, this woman told her fiance that she used to be a man.
She said she just forgot to mention it.
I swear to God.
Okay, that's it.
I do not wanna be a part of the freak show.
- Yeah, but you guys aren't freaks.
- Oh, thanks.
Which is the reason you can win this thing with our expert coaching.
I need to talk to somebody who hasn't lost her mind.
Where's Maddy? She's with my mom for the week.
She's babysitting, giving us a break.
So you have nothing better to do than help us publicly humiliate ourselves? No.
So let's start simple, okay? - What colour is Matt's toothbrush? - Oh, this is so stupid.
That couple Janet was talking about won $25,000.
- Twenty-five--? - Thousand.
- Red.
Soft bristle.
- Yeah, thattagirl.
[KELLY CHUCKLES.]
So why don't you tell me about what's going on in your life? Do I have to, heh? How about your skating? You were really, really good.
You haven't given up on that, have you? No.
Um It's just kind of given up on me.
I saw the Olympic tryouts on TV.
Come on, you were spectacular.
I came in fourth.
Fourth? Gina, you were fourth in the entire United States.
- Come on.
- Yeah, tell that to my mother.
She said it was your idea to keep it a secret.
When she decided to go through with the pregnancy, we came to an arrangement.
"When she decided.
' So you wanted her to end it? Oh, Gina, no.
I never even suggested that.
- But you didn't tell her not to either.
- Gina, it was her choice.
I told her I would support any decision she made, and I did.
With your arrangement.
A lot of fathers used to come and watch their daughters skate.
I know because I used to stare at their faces.
They always looked so proud, heh.
I used to pick one and pretend he was mine.
I don't even know what to call you, heh.
What about John? A lot of adult kids call their parents by their first names.
Right.
John it is, heh.
JOHN: Thank you.
Well, I hope you're hungry.
These portions here are huge, huh? Donna predicted exactly what you would order, heh.
I just think it's great that you guys know each other that well.
[PHONE RlNGlNG.]
Yeah? SHANE [OVER PHONE.]
: A million bucks - to see your friend.
- I need to see Noah first.
Check your e-mail.
SHANE: Hey, Dylan.
Tomorrow at 2, I want you to drive east on the 10 towards Vegas, and I'll call you in your car.
I know you can afford it, so let's keep things simple.
No cops.
You ever see Deer Hunter? Best Picture of '78.
De Niro, Chris Walken.
Had some nice moments.
This was my favourite, though.
[GU N CLlCKS.]
[LAUGH I NG.]
Didn't go off.
Don't test my resolve, McKay.
Your pal here, he's not that lucky.
I've got nothing to lose.
Don't test my resolve, McKay.
Your pal here, he's not that lucky.
I've got nothing to lose.
What are you gonna do? - Get him his money.
- Well, the cops can stick in some kind of tracking device with the money, right? I don't want anybody knowing about this.
Yeah, I understand that.
But is that what they told you to do? I didn't go to the cops.
- What do you mean? - Can you keep this to yourself or not? Hello? Noah's been kidnapped.
How could you not go to the cops? Well, I'm not a very big believer in the local constabulary.
[SlGHS.]
Look, I know guys like Shane.
He's crazy, but I can deal with him.
Now, will you cover for me or not? Yeah, I'll cover for you.
But I gotta tell you, Dylan, this superhero complex of yours is gonna get somebody killed.
[SlGHS.]
- Jean-Claude Van Damme.
- Cindy Crawford.
- On the washing machine.
- With the lights on.
I think I'm gonna be sick.
Oh, no, they're just trying to psych you out.
If Matt were an animal, what would he be? No, you guys, I really don't feel good.
[CHEERlNG.]
Hello, contestants.
Are you ready to play? - [lN UNlSON.]
We are.
- Excellent.
Now, the key to a good show is energy.
Remember, don't be afraid to scream and yell.
If you feel like jumping up and down, jump up and down.
[CHUCKLES.]
[CHUCKLES.]
- Problem? - Um, can you just give us a minute? [KELLY GRUNTS.]
- I'm not doing this on purpose.
- Forget about that.
Donna made me eat-- What was it? Egg whites and carrot juice, heh? She said it would enhance my memory.
- Why don't I tell her we can't go on? - No, no.
I'll be fine.
I just need to [GRUNTS.]
- I'll go make sure she's okay.
- All right.
Matt, Kelly, is everything all right? - Uh, actually-- - No, no.
We're, uh-- We're fine, heh.
- What are you doing? - She thinks I'm Kelly.
- But you're not.
- Do you wanna win? Uh, perhaps I should go over what makes good TV again.
Oh, no.
We got it.
Don't we, honeybunch? Ah, God, I love my guy.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
We're good.
Keep an eye on him, okay? All right.
Enjoying your stay? I've got an errand to run, but I'm gonna bring you back something, okay? Go to hell.
[CHUCKLES.]
Don't mess with him.
He's not as stupid as he looks.
That's funny.
[FANFARE PLAYlNG ON TV.]
Hey, could you turn it up a little bit, man? Come on, just turn it up a little bit.
[TV VOLUME lNCREASES.]
All right, man.
You're all heart.
Thank you.
[GUNFlRE ON TV.]
MAN [ON TV.]
: Crazy fools.
Now we'll have to attack [DOORBELL RlNGS.]
- Hi.
- Hi.
Gina.
You know, I just happened to be at the market, so I picked up some things for you.
- Excuse me.
- Um So, well, Donna said that you like to eat frozen dinners when Felice is out of town.
JOHN: Yeah, Felice loaded up, and then Donna called the market, and they sent more over.
I've got enough beef stroganoff here to feed an army.
Oh, well, um, I got you veal piccata.
- Oh, veal.
Good.
- You hate veal.
No, no.
I like veal.
I really like veal.
There's just no room.
You've already got enough women in your life, don't you? - And they actually know what you like.
- Gina I really want this to work.
Right.
Well, maybe you should try calling me more than once every two months, then.
[CROWD APPLAUDlNG.]
So, Judy, what is your future husband's favourite nickname for you in bed? Heh, Athena.
Ron, you can take your headphones off.
There you go.
All right, it's time.
What is your favourite nickname for Judy in bed? - Athena.
- That is correct.
Very good.
So Athena like the famous Greek goddess? - No, it's Ron's mother's name.
RYAN: Talk about in-law problems.
All right, here we go.
Couple number two, first question.
Matt, you can put your headphones on there.
Kelly, aside from the bedroom, what's your fiance's favourite place to make whoopee? - In Matt's law office, heh.
- Yeah, right.
Nice try, Donna, heh.
RYAN: Aside from the bedroom, what's your favourite place to make whoopee? [CHUCKLES.]
- Um, in my office.
RYAN: That's right.
Fifty points, and a tie game.
Very nice.
- Once, heh.
- Heh.
RYAN: So, uh, Kelly, tell us, exactly what type of legal work does Matt perform for you, huh? Uh, well, I don't think we need to go there, guy.
Oh, come on.
Does he sequester you? - Or perhaps hold you in contempt? - Oh, no, we don't do that.
But, uh, sometimes we play this game, Attorney-Client Privilege, heh.
[CROWD LAUGHS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Valentine's Day.
You know, I've never had a good one? Well, I'm gonna change that.
Cook you dinner tonight.
- Oh, David, you don't have to do that.
- I want to.
- Okay.
MAN: Hi.
Rick.
- What are you doing here? - I wanna talk to you.
It'll just take a minute.
- Would you excuse me? - Sure.
- I'd like this wrapped, please.
- All right.
[DAVlD CLEARS THROAT.]
[MAN SlGHS.]
So l, uh, noticed you taking a little while to figure out what you wanted to get.
Oh, I know my girlfriend will like this.
What I was trying to decide is whether I'd like spending the money for it.
All right.
It's, uh, $378.
86.
That's a lot of money for a Valentine's gift.
Well, you know, special occasion, something she wouldn't get for herself.
I mean, what am I gonna do, get her a card? [MAN SCOFFS.]
No, heh.
- Don't you think, uh, less is more? - Not on this planet.
David.
Um, I need a little more time.
Do you mind? - No.
Everything's okay? - Yeah, yeah.
Everything's good.
MAN: Um, excuse me.
Excuse me.
- Sorry.
- You, uh, said you wrapped.
Right, I wrap.
Yes, I do.
[CROWD APPLAUDlNG.]
Okay, here we go.
Ron, you're up by 50 points.
If you get this right, it's gonna clinch it for you.
If you could change one thing about Judy, what would it be? - Her mole.
RYAN: All right.
Judy, headphones off.
Here's the question.
If Ron could change one thing about you, what do you think it would be? [CHUCKLES.]
My sense of humour, because sometimes I'm just too funny.
Well, I'm afraid Ron doesn't like your mole.
My mole? It's not a mole.
- It's a beauty mark.
- Sure, when the lights are out.
If Matt and Donna get this one right, you guys win.
- We win? - Twenty-five thousand dollars.
Don't be nervous, Matt.
This question could give you the game.
- All right.
RYAN : Here we go.
Who does Kelly consider to be her best friend? This is so easy.
We won.
[CLEARS TH ROAT.]
- Me.
RYAN : All right.
Let's find out.
Kelly, headphones off.
Your turn.
For all the marbles, tell us who's your best friend? - Donna Martin.
RYAN: I'm sorry.
Matt said he was your best friend.
Guess not.
Congratulations, Ron and Judy, you're our $25, 000 winners! - Is this as awkward as I think it is? - Hmm.
Oh, yeah.
And then some.
RYAN: --a fabulous three days and four nights at one of the finest hotels on the island.
His and her matching luggage and a customised honeymoon gift package.
Wow! - Talk about baby needing new shoes.
- Steve, put that away.
Come on.
- Dylan, why are you doing this? - Somebody's life's at stake.
- Yeah, someone you don't even like.
- No, I don't like him.
But people I know do, and I'm doing it for them.
- You're gonna need help.
- You got a wife and a kid.
Do you want me to go with you? [SlGHS.]
- Are you ready? - Guess so.
All right, look, it's 2:00.
You're gonna take the 1 0 east to Las Vegas? - Right.
- If I don't hear from you by 3:00, Dylan, I'm gonna have every cop in Palmdale looking for you.
- Do you understand? - Thanks, man.
Dylan, don't be an idiot.
[SlGHS.]
- I'm so sorry about this.
I really am.
- Stop apologising.
I know.
I just feel really weird about this.
- I'm confused.
- lt'll be over soon enough.
Except there's been a change of plans.
Dylan.
How you doing? [SCOFFS.]
Get in.
Josie, take the bag from him.
Let's go for a ride.
Give you the honours.
Hey, um, did you guys know that this bread machine can make four loaves at a time? Four loaves? I didn't know that, hmm.
I think that's a really great consolation prize, don't you? - What do you guys think? - Oh, yeah, sure.
Everyone in America knows about our little sex games in the office, and I get a bread maker out of the deal.
That's great.
- Heh, this was your idea.
- I wanted to do it with you, okay? - Not your best friend.
- I'm sorry.
I had food poisoning.
I wasn't thinking.
If I was thinking, of course I would've said your name.
You know what? Donna is my best friend.
- What is your problem? - I never said I had a problem.
Other than the fact that you guys lost $25,000.
I'm sorry.
Tell me, is there any intimate detail that you haven't, uh, broadcast? How about this? You can cancel any dinner plans we had for tonight.
You sure? I can get us a table for three.
- lt'll spare you the post-game replay.
- Can you be quiet for five minutes? Don't ask me.
I'm not the one with the problem being quiet.
You heard what Steve said.
He's probably called the cops by now.
Yeah, and sent them out into the desert.
Which is a hundred miles in the opposite direction.
DYLAN: Did it ever occur to you, genius, that when they don't find you there, they'll look somewhere else? Well, this'll keep us a couple of steps ahead.
They know who you are.
They know who your friends are.
I think you're gonna need more than a couple of steps.
Forget him.
He's just talking.
I gave you the money.
Don't you think you should let me and my friend go? - Uh, hey.
- Hey.
- Is Donna around? - No.
She's with Matt and Kelly.
You know they're doing Lovers' Lane today? Ken and Barbie are doing the game show.
That's right.
Let me ask you something.
Say this guy showed up and gave this girl you liked a really expensive watch, and then she said she needed some time, and they took off together.
Would you be worried? [CLEARS THROAT.]
Okay.
Okay.
Um, well, what'd he look like? I don't know.
Successful.
Hmm.
How long has she been gone? - Two hours and 46 minutes.
- Right.
Okay, basically, what you're asking me is if I think Camille is, you know, spending some time in a king-size bed in the master bedroom of a Beverly Hills mansion with a rich guy who just bought her a bunch of expensive gifts - for Valentine's Day? - Yeah.
Thank you for the gross details.
Three hundred and fifty dollars is not a bad gift.
My competition has a bungalow by the pool at the Beverly Hills Hotel.
- Heh, what, did he tell you that? - No.
He just said hi.
The rest was inferred.
Okay, you're really obsessing about this.
I'm not obsessing.
Obsessing is a compulsive attachment to an unreasonable idea or emotion.
Camille was here, and now she's not, so anything that follows is completely reasonable, down to the caviare he's probably eating off her stomach right now as we speak.
Right.
Sorry.
Did you want me to give Donna a message or anything? Oh, um Yeah.
Sure.
Just tell her that I tried, and I failed, as usual.
BOTH: Hi.
- I hate Valentine's Day.
- Thanks to me, who can blame you? So possessive.
"Be mine.
Devote yourself to me.
' - It's like that's all that should exist.
- Well, kind of is.
Oh, I forgot.
Matt doesn't want me talking to you.
Oh, okay.
No, he doesn't want you confiding in me.
- And I'm not so sure you should.
- I can't believe you just said that.
Well, your husband should be your best friend, not me.
Yeah, but you're my safety net in case everything goes to hell.
Planning on disaster probably isn't the secret to a good marriage.
I can't do this.
I don't know how to do this.
Just talk to Matt.
You guys will figure it out.
And just think, in the meantime, I can still confide in you.
And here I am.
This is me confiding, heh.
How pathetic is this? Getting married has some severe drawbacks.
Maybe.
But learning to confide in Matt probably isn't one of them.
[KNOCKlNG ON DOOR.]
GlNA: Yeah? - Hi, John.
- Hi.
- May I come in? - Sure.
Now, I thought a lot about what you said.
About how you think there's no room for you in my life.
You know what? Some things just can't be worked out, no matter how hard you try.
Look, when Donna was younger, and I was still practising, I'd let her sit in the amphitheatre that I operated in-- Well, I'm sure that she really loved that.
No.
No, I wanted her to understand what I did.
Not just how I did it, but what it really meant.
You take a person with a bad heart, and you give them another chance.
I guess it must be weird going to sleep thinking that you're gonna die, and then you just wake up with a whole new life.
It's a bit like going to sleep thinking that your father is one person, and then he turns out to be someone entirely different.
But you see, neither one of them work unless you really try.
- I hate calling you John.
- Then you call me Dad.
I'd be so honoured.
Yeah? Dad.
I like that, heh.
Me too.
Come on.
SHANE: Noah, look what I brought you.
Come on.
- Let him join his little girlfriend there.
NOAH: What are you doing? Yeah, that's real cute.
Maybe if you were that funny a long time ago, your show would still be on.
[CHUCKLES.]
- What are you doing? - I gave him his money.
He gave you the money.
We're out of here.
- No.
- Shane.
What are you talking about? I got kidnapping with use of a firearm.
That's life in prison.
According to my research, it's the same as if I killed you two losers.
- You hate me, don't you? - Hey.
Hi.
David, I'm really sorry.
I had no idea how long that would take.
- Rick is this ex-boyfriend of mine-- - I got you a gift.
Oh, that's so sweet.
If you only knew the kind of afternoon I've had - I think I have a pretty good idea.
- Oh, so it was obvious, then? - Yeah.
- Oh, good.
I'm so glad, because I ran out of here so fast, I was worried that you might've gotten the impression that I actually liked Rick.
[CHUCKLES.]
Of course you don't like Rick.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
You did get the wrong impression, didn't you? In these really grotesque sort of detailed ways.
- Like, I had images and-- - David.
Rick and I broke up a long time ago.
But every year, he insists on giving me these lavish gifts, as if I didn't find gestures like that just completely repulsive.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Um, I mean, especially on Valentine's Day, which is the simplest, most personal holiday of all.
But I don't need to tell you that, now, do l? I hope not.
- Here you go.
- Oh, thank you.
This is perfect, heh.
Aw! Heh.
- Who's that for? - Uh, my little sister.
I love getting her surprises.
[SlGHS.]
- You know what? You're the best.
- You are the best.
This is too cute.
- Yeah, hi, sweetie.
- Daddy, you sound out of breath.
Your sister - is in the middle of torturing me.
- What are you talking about? Uh, Gina's got me doing these stomach crunches.
Worst is yet to come.
Gina's training you? Every relationship needs a starting place.
My miserable physical condition, that's ours.
Oh, that's great.
Good for you.
As soon as the beating's over here, we're going to dinner.
Why don't you come along with us, huh? Yeah, sure.
Unless you need some time alone with Gina.
No, I would love to have dinner with both my daughters on Valentine's Day.
Okay, Dad, you gotta go.
Break's over.
Very busy.
Okay.
- Did Gina just call you "Dad"? - Yeah.
Uh, why don't you come over around Okay, I'll see you then.
And, Dad, I'm really happy for you.
- Thanks.
- Bye.
It's all here.
- One - One, two, three.
[BOTH GRUNT.]
What are we gonna do with those two? Oh, go get them.
Bring them out here.
We did this to get out of trouble, not to get into more of it.
[MAN GRUNTS.]
DYLAN: Give me the keys.
Josie, listen to me.
We don't have a choice.
We have to kill them.
Jo.
Shane, look out.
[SHANE GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTlNG AND SHOUTlNG.]
- Stop it! - Good girl, Jo.
Stop it, everyone! We're not killers, Shane.
I just want this to be over.
Do the right thing.
Here.
Josie, you don't wanna make a mistake.
- Come on.
SHANE: Jo, don't listen to him.
We're this close to having everything we want.
Shut up.
Just shut up.
Come on.
All right.
- Hey, hey.
Watch it! - Move.
Move! Go! - What about the money? - Forget about it! Get over there.
Hey, this belongs to you, man.
[KNOCKlNG ON DOOR.]
Hey.
For the record, the game show was idiotic.
You were pretty clear on that from the start.
But telling Donna everything was pretty idiotic too.
Look, I know how close you two are.
And you should know that I respect that.
I know.
But I also know that things between her and I need to change.
I should've thought of that before, but I didn't.
I'm sorry.
- Happy Valentine's Day.
- What is this? Open it.
MATT: Hmm.
I've been writing in one since I was a little girl.
It's the latest edition.
No one has ever seen it.
I don't know what to say.
It's, uh, an incredible gesture.
But, uh, I can't take this, Kelly.
- You don't wanna read it? - No, I don't wanna read it.
Even best friends don't share everything.
At least they shouldn't.
Besides, ahem, I'm not gonna let you read mine.
- You keep a journal? - For my eyes only.
Hey, I just offered up.
Yeah, well, I can't help you out.
I'm sorry.
All right, fine.
Be that way.
But you don't know the gold you just passed up.
- Really? - Heh, yup.
- That juicy, huh? - Uh-huh.
Well, on second thought, maybe - Where are you going? - You have to come and get it.
Just a little time for Attorney-Client Privilege.
No, heh.
[SCREAMS.]
So you both have to testify when Shane and Josie go on trial.
- That's what the cops say, yeah.
- Did they mention anything about taking the law into your own hands? No, but, uh, they did say thank you.
[SCOFFS.]
You okay? I don't know.
- What day is it? - It's Valentine's Day.
[DOORBELL RlNGS.]
Dad, you wanna get that? It's probably Donna.
Dad? Dad? Dad? [DOORBELL RlNGS.]
Something's wrong.
He's not breathing.
Call 91 1.
Daddy? Daddy? Oh, God.
Daddy, can you hear me? [SOBBlNG.]
Daddy, please just stay with me.
[CRYlNG.]