Bewitched (1964) s02e34 Episode Script

Careful.
My husband hasn't left yet.
I'm not gonna fall for that.
I happen to know you're crazy about me.
- It shows, huh? - The feeling's mutual.
And that is one reason why we're going to celebrate tomorrow night.
What's the other reason? I was going to save this as a surprise for you tomorrow night but I may as well show it to you now.
A calendar.
Just what I've always wanted.
You haven't seen the best part yet.
A calendar with the days crossed off.
That's even better.
Honey, it's what those crosses represent that counts.
Sam, you haven't done any witchcraft for 29 days.
- You finally noticed.
- Yeah.
I'm very proud of you.
We have another reason for a celebration.
Not only have you not twitched for 29 days but we haven't seen any of your witchy friends in that time either.
- No offence.
- None taken.
I got a little head start on that when Mother said she was gonna go skin diving for a month.
Good.
Now, all you have to do is protect your record for good behaviour for two more days.
I'll try and keep my nose clean.
I'll see you tonight.
Samantha, you're still a vision of loveliness.
I don't know you.
What are you doing in my kitchen? Don't fret, my dear.
I have a feeling we're gonna make a lovely couple.
I have a feeling I'm gonna blow my record.
Just who are you? My favourite food.
Chocolate cake.
You haven't answered my question.
Well, actually, there's no reason why you should recognize me.
When you used to sit with me, I was a callow youth.
Brilliant, but callow.
Babysit with you.
Wait a minute.
You're not Rodney? The same.
I lost my callow.
You mean you're that pushy, spoiled, neurotic brat my mother used to force me to look after? Knew you hadn't forgotten.
Fortunately, I matured with my neuroses intact.
That's what makes me so fascinating.
Now, look, Rodney I happen to be very busy.
So would you mind telling me why you're here? Well, even as an adolescent, I loved you, Samantha.
- Oh, really - In a repressed way, of course.
Could I have a little more chocolate cake? Make it yourself.
That's mean and cruel of you, Samantha.
You're trying to hurt me.
Take your chocolate cake and get out.
Good.
Why won't you come away with me? If I tell you, will you leave? - Perhaps.
- I think you're obnoxious.
Oh, one of those love-hate things, huh? That's okay.
I'm crazy about complex relationships.
Rodney, don't you understand? I'm married.
I'm above convention.
And I have a baby.
No.
That's out of the question.
We'll put her up for adoption.
Rodney, if you don't go away l'll tell your mother on you.
You don't know where she is.
- Do you? - I'll tell her you've been misbehaving, Rodney.
Okay, have it your way.
We'll take the kid with us.
Rodney, I've had just about all I can take.
Samantha, I love you.
I worship the air you fly in.
- I'll do anything for you.
- Anything? Then leave.
Good.
Honey, we have a visitor.
- Who? - Come and see.
I found him outside.
He just wouldn't leave.
Oh, Darrin, he's marvellous.
Oh, he's so cute.
I wonder who he belongs to? Well, I don't know.
He doesn't have any tag or Look at that.
Looks like a case of love at first sight between you two.
I guess we'll have to take out an ad in the lost-and-found column.
- I guess so.
- You sound reluctant.
Honey, if nobody claims him, would you mind if we kept him? I thought you wanted to wait till we got a bigger place before we got a dog.
- Well, I did.
But I'm crazy about his personality.
Aren't you? Well, he does have a great face.
And who could resist those big, brown eyes? Let's keep our fingers crossed that nobody claims him.
How would you like to fix me a drink while I go upstairs and fiddle with my papers? - What are wives for? Thank you.
Now, you stay right here and get to know my wife.
You'll be crazy about her.
I just fixed that cake for tomorrow night.
Rodney? That's you, isn't it? You get out of that fur coat right this minute.
Now, just what are you doing here? Oh, Samantha.
My love for you is not warped and selfish.
I wanted to get to know your husband.
If I think he's worthy of you l'll leave by tomorrow morning.
Believe me.
If you don't leave right now l'm going to tell Darrin who you are.
- No, you won't.
You don't want him to know there were any non-mortals in the house.
That would spoil your record and his celebration.
Hey, he's really crazy about me, isn't he? - What are you doing? - I'm gonna hit you with this saucepan.
You come a step further, I'll turn into a dog.
You wouldn't hit a dumb animal, would you? Oh, Rodney Sam, what are you doing? You weren't gonna hit him, were you? He ate my chocolate cake.
Well, honey, don't be too hard on him.
He's probably hungry.
Look, I'll pick you up another cake tomorrow at Perkin's Pastry Shop.
I'll bring it home from work.
I better clean this up.
Hi.
Hey, he sure is affectionate, isn't he? He fawns a little too much.
- Fawns? - Yes.
You know, all that licking and grovelling.
- Well, honey, he's very friendly but I wouldn't call that grovelling, would you? He tries a little bit too hard to please, that's all.
I brought your drink in, sweetheart.
- Thanks.
I'll have it later.
- You don't like him.
Darrin, I hardly know him.
I just don't want you to get too fond of him, that's all.
- Why not? - Well I just don't want you to get too attached to him.
I wouldn't want you to be disappointed.
- Disappointed? - In case his owner claims him, I mean.
Oh, honey, you're the greatest.
What is the matter with you? Darrin, I don't think we should be doing this in front of him.
The dog? Well, he's looking at us kind of funny.
What shall we drink to? Well, that's easy.
To one month of normalcy.
- Sure means a lot to you, doesn't it? - Yes, it does.
- And the first month is the hardest.
- Oh, boy.
Just remember, it's all kind of psychological.
If you get past this one day, it'll be a breeze.
Well, I'll try not to disappoint you.
- You take good care of him, honey.
- You can rely on it.
I phoned the ad in last night and left my office number.
I hope nobody calls to claim him.
Well, thank you.
What did I do to deserve such a big kiss? Nothing.
Harriet Kravitz is spying on us from across the street.
I thought we might as well give her her money's worth.
I'll see you tonight, sweetheart.
Goodbye, dog.
Rodney.
Rodney! Rodney.
I'm not leaving.
I've decided he's not worthy of you.
Rodney, when are you going to get it through that pointed little head that we love each other? Is that the only reason you have for not leaving him for me? Isn't that enough? Coming, Tabatha.
But if you had a fight and you split up, then you'd come with me.
For the last time, we are not going to split up.
What makes you so sure? I'm interested.
We have a marriage that's based on mutual trust and respect.
If I proved that wasn't true, then you'd come with me? Rodney, I am going upstairs to get Tabatha and if you're not gone when I come back down here l'm going to do something terrible to you.
And ruin your record? Oh, I don't need witchcraft.
I'll punch you in the nose.
Just what I need.
Phase one of Operation Split-Up coming up.
Oh, I'm Harriet Kravitz from across the street.
Hi, honey.
I found this in the kitchen.
I guess Gladys borrowed it from Mrs.
Stephens.
I'll take it.
Sam's slipping into something more comfortable.
We're gonna have a little snort together.
Are you a friend of Mr.
Stephens? Well, more a friend of Sam's.
Listen, honey, I'd love to gab but I'm kind of busy right now.
Know what I mean? - Bye.
- Bye.
Mutual trust indeed.
Phase two of Operation Split-Up coming up.
Rodney.
Rodney? Well, Tabatha, looks like our home-wrecking friend finally got the message and gave up, huh? Are you sure it's the same dog, Mr.
Entwhistle? The description in the ad sounded just like him.
He's very friendly and Oh, yes, he He loves chocolate cake.
That's him all right.
You sound disappointed.
Well, I've grown very fond of that dog.
Truthfully, I was hoping nobody would claim him so that we could keep him.
Well, perhaps that might be arranged.
Yes.
My sister and I are moving to London soon.
I'd hate to lose him, but it would be difficult to take him with us.
- Would you be willing to sell him? - Well, look l'm meeting my sister at 7 for dinner.
Let me talk it over with her, and I'll drop by your house later tonight and tell you our decision.
- Good.
I hope you can convince her.
That dog is really something special, Mr.
Entwhistle.
Yes.
Well, you're very perceptive, Mr.
Stephens.
It's the strangest thing.
I suddenly had this terrific craving for chocolate éclairs.
I mean, I just had to have a chocolate éclair.
Isn't that odd? I think that happens to all of us at sometime or another, Ms.
Kravitz.
I suppose Mrs.
Stephens asked you to stop by and pick up something for your company.
- Company? - I met him quite by accident.
Unfortunately, I called at a very bad time.
He was still in his robe and pyjamas when he answered the door.
He said they were just having a snort together.
- Is he a friend of yours, Mr.
Stephens? - I don't know.
I suppose someone dropped in, and Sam hasn't had time to tell me.
Well, I must say your faith in your wife is very touching, Mr.
Stephens.
Miss Kravitz.
Aren't you going to buy some éclairs? Éclairs? I hate éclairs.
In fact, I don't even know why I came in here.
Hi, there.
Oh, no.
Now, listen, Rodney no more Mrs.
Nice Guy.
When Darrin comes home, I'm gonna tell him exactly who you are.
And I'm warning you, he can be very violent.
No, you don't wanna spoil your record when you're so close.
Besides, you have my solemn oath that if you are still together by 9:00 tonight l'll fly out of your lives forever.
Still together? Did you put a spell on Darrin? Oh, Samantha, you know my powers are too meagre to cause a rift between you two by witchcraft.
I just wanna be around you for another Is that too much to ask? Honey, open the door.
I've got my hands full.
My master's voice.
Just a minute, sweetheart.
Thank you.
Hey, it's nice to have someone like you welcome me when I get home.
Nice to have someone like you welcome me.
Not necessarily in that order, I hope.
No.
I just think you look sensational.
- I brought dessert.
- Thank you.
Dinner should be ready in a little while.
Good.
Just the two of us? Well, this was our celebration.
Didn't you wanna be alone? Oh, sure.
It's just that sometimes friends drop in unexpectedly, that's all.
No.
No, no friends.
You want a snort? Drink? Love one.
So you've just been puttering around the house on your own, huh? Darrin, I think there's something I should tell you.
I thought so.
You've just mixed 4 ounces of Scotch with 2 ounces of gin.
- Is that all? - No.
When you wanna find out something from me, just ask.
Not very subtle, huh? Okay.
I bumped into Harriet Kravitz today and she said that you and a man in a dressing gown were having a snort together.
Well, that's ridiculous.
- Then it's not true? - No.
Then why would she say it? I don't know.
Honey, don't misunderstand me.
I trust you implicitly.
It's just that I do get a bit confused.
Now, are you sure that there wasn't a man here today in his pyjamas and robe? Darrin, that isn't exactly the kind of thing that would slip my mind.
Did she say she actually saw us? She said the man answered the door, and he said What is it? Well, Darrin, I wasn't gonna tell you this.
And I don't think you're gonna like it, but Honey, I'm sure there's a perfectly logical explanation.
Now, who was he? Him.
The dog? In pyjamas and robe? Okay, very funny.
Now, who was he? No.
Darrin, it was the dog.
I didn't wanna tell you, because I didn't wanna spoil our celebration.
Actually, he's a warlock I used to babysit with.
- The dog? - He came to see me yesterday morning.
I know it sounds ridiculous, but he thinks he's in love with me.
The dog? Darrin, I'm trying to tell you that that is not a dog.
He just posed as a lost dog.
That's why I didn't want you to send that ad in because I knew nobody would claim him.
Because he's a warlock? Darrin, I'm telling the truth.
Look, I'll prove it.
All right, Rodney, he knows.
Change back.
Oh, he's just being stubborn.
Stop playing games, Rodney.
Turn back.
He knows I won't use any witchcraft on him.
Rodney, if you don't turn back right this minute l'll hit you with my shoe.
- Sam, you'll scare him.
Right out of his hide, I hope.
Sam, don't you think it would be easier just to tell the truth? Darrin, don't you believe me? No, I don't.
I happen to know that dog is not a warlock.
- How? - Because his owner came to my office this afternoon.
- What? - And he's a very nice young man.
He may even sell me this dog.
Oh, Darrin, don't you see? - That's Rodney too.
- Yes, I do see.
You want me to believe that this poor, helpless animal is your friend a dog and his owner, all at the same time.
Well, Darrin, Rodney's very devious.
Sam, aren't you being unfair? - Unfair? - You're trying to put the blame on this dog because you don't like him.
Don't deny it.
You never did like him.
You even said that he fawned.
- You don't trust me.
- Yes, I do trust you.
I just resent your trying to blame this poor, innocent animal.
Now, will you please tell me the truth? I'm not going to tell you anything.
I don't even wanna speak to you.
Well, in that case, I'm going to bed.
I don't care what you do.
In the den.
Come on, fella.
Bed? It's only 8:30.
Imagine her trying to put the blame on a poor dog like you.
Well, looks like I need an extra blanket.
I'll go get it.
You just make yourself comfortable.
Boy, am I beat.
I'm gonna fall asleep just as soon as my head hits that pillow.
Good night, dog.
- I got you! - No, don't hit me.
Samantha! Don't hit me.
Samantha! Well, well.
What do you think of man's best friend now? Never mind what he thinks of me.
- What about what he thinks of you? - Stay out of this.
You said your marriage was based on mutual trust and respect.
I proved you were wrong.
He didn't believe you were telling the truth.
Yes, I did.
- You did? - Yes.
Just once, I wanted to win out over witchcraft without any help from you.
Besides, I didn't want you to spoil your record.
- He's lying.
- That's why I went to bed at 8:30.
You don't know how happy I am to hear you say that.
Thank you, sweetheart.
Pardon me.
Does this mean that you're not coming away with me? Sam, will you excuse me for just a minute? - What are you gonna do? - I'm gonna punch you in the nose.
How long is he going to stay this way? It's just one of his old tricks.
He knows you won't hit a dumb animal.
I'm going to call the pound.
That won't work.
Mr.
Stephens? I saw your ad.
I've come to claim my dog.
Well, I think there must be some mistake.
Oh, no mistake.
I recognized the description.
There he is.
Now, Rodney, you come out of there.
- Rodney? - This is Rodney's mother, darling.
You may not remember me.
I'm Samantha.
Samantha? My, how you've changed.
Oh, he's lonely, you know? He's always looking for a playmate.
- So I gather.
- He's not really bad.
He's just mischievous.
How are you gonna get him to change back? Oh, that's easy.
Rodney, if you don't change back l'll give you a flea-and-tick bath.
Come on, Rodney, it's way past your bedtime.
Goodbye, my love.
I shall return.
- Oh, no, you won't.
- Don't bother to show us out.
Goodbye, now.
Would've loved to have seen that tick-and-flea bath.
Well, you still think I'm entitled to a celebration? You didn't use witchcraft.
Well, with him gone, we really have something to celebrate.
I'll drink to that.
Sam, water.
Oh, Sam.
- What? - You broke your record.
Well, there's always next month.