Bewitched (1964) s06e14 Episode Script

It's gonna be such fun.
I want you to look over there and see the pretty tree.
See the pretty tree with all the lights and everything? There are some presents down there, too.
That's gonna be fun.
Oh, my goodness me.
Catch you under the mistletoe.
Yes.
Oh, my goodness, aren't they pretty? Red and yellow and green and blue and all sorts of colours.
Well, come on and tell me about it.
Yeah.
All the pretty Christmas lights.
Oh, my.
Oh, my.
Oh, my.
Babies are such a nice way to start people.
Mommy! Mommy! But they do grow up, don't they? I'm never going to play with Sidney again.
He's mean and terrible.
Oh, my.
Now, what has Sidney done that is so terrible? He said there was no Santa Claus.
Even after I told him we know Santa and you've been to his house at the North Pole, he still didn't believe me.
Tabitha, now, don't you remember what I've told you about our little secrets? If you tell them to someone else, they won't be secrets any more.
I'm sorry, Mommy.
But that terrible old Sidney just made me mad.
Sweetheart, everyone is entitled to believe in what they want.
Now, if they don't want to believe, that's all right, too.
Now, when it comes to Santa Claus, most mortals don't believe he exists just like they don't believe in witches.
Now do you understand? Which reminds me.
I am gonna get Esmeralda to come and help out for a few days.
- Goody! - Yoo-hoo! Esmeralda? - Hello, Samantha.
Is - No.
No, he's not home from work yet.
Oh, good.
Esmeralda, I'm a little behind in my shopping.
- Would you mind staying a couple of days? - Always a pleasure.
- Hello, my little princess.
- Hello, Esmeralda.
- And how is my handsome little warlock? - Just about to have his lunch.
And, incidentally, there's a 50-50 chance he might be mortal, you know.
Oh, there is? Poor thing.
It would be such a Such a - Esmeralda, don't! - Such a What did you get this time? Do you think the baby would like a bottle of goat's milk? Terrific.
When Darrin gets home, try and stay out of drafts.
Oh, you didn't tell me he was coming home.
Well, that's what he usually does when he gets through work.
Oh, my.
Esmeralda, why don't you take Tabitha upstairs and get started with her bath? All right.
Come along, dearie.
See? That is a goat.
See? That was a goat.
Well, Esmeralda's witchcraft may not be very good but it doesn't last.
How about that? How about that? Do you think that was funny? Did you think that was funny? I thought that was funny.
Larry's giving you a mink stole for Christmas? Oh, Louise, that's wonderful.
He's such a dear.
He's not a dear? Why is he furious? Well, maybe you should have consulted him before you bought it.
- Sam! - Oh, dear.
I gotta go.
Yes, Louise.
I'll tell Darrin to talk to Larry.
Maybe he can convince him that a mink coat and a mink stole are two different things.
Bye, Louise.
Esmeralda, haven't you learned yet that Mr Stephens really likes you? Well, he doesn't show it.
Well, how can he show it when you pop out every time you hear his voice? That's better.
- Hi, sweetheart.
- Hi.
- How about a nice double martini? - What's wrong? Sam, I thought you were gonna warn me when Esmeralda was here.
I thought offering you a double martini would be enough of a warning.
I wonder what she's sneezed up this time.
I'm afraid to think.
Oh, now, sweetheart, try and control your temper.
Remember, "peace on earth, good will toward men" includes witches.
Isn't that cute? Christmas seals.
Can I keep them, Daddy? Well, they won't last, sweetheart.
None of her spells ever do.
Mostly.
See? There was nothing for you to get uptight about.
Sam, I'll take that martini now and you can leave out the vermouth.
I'm glad you're staying, 'cause I want you to be here when Santa Claus comes tomorrow night.
Oh, yes.
I haven't seen Santa Claus in a good number of years.
As a matter of fact, I can't remember when I Is there anything else I can do for you, sweetheart? Yeah.
Start making another one.
Better make a whole pitcherful.
Sweetheart, why don't you finish your drink, and I'll go and check in the kitchen.
I'd rather see this when I'm sober.
Samantha, is that the real Samantha, my dear girl, how are you? That's who it is all right.
Oh, just fine, Santa.
- How's Mrs Claus? - Fine.
She's gonna be a little surprised when she wakes up from her nap.
I don't usually go on trips during my busy season.
Well, my dear girl, I'm afraid I shall have to be getting back.
Do you want to tell him, or should I? Actually, I think you're going to find this very amusing.
You see, when Esmeralda materialises someone, it's usually by accident.
Frequently.
But then in a little while they just fade away and go back where they came from.
Well, that is amusing.
In a little while, eh? The longest it's ever taken is a couple of days.
What? Do you tell me I could be stuck here all that time? - Impossible! - What happened to "ho, ho, ho"? Oh, my dear girl, you're a witch.
Do something.
Well, you see, this was Esmeralda's doing and no one else has any power over it.
Now, if you sit down and relax, the spell will have a better chance of wearing off.
We should leave them alone.
Come on, sweetheart.
You mean a watched pot never boils? I didn't mean that the way it sounded.
Sweetheart, why don't you go upstairs and get ready for dinner, and Tabitha and I will give the baby his bath.
I'll get it.
Hi, Mrs Kravitz.
We're a little busy right now, so I just wanted to remind you about the contest.
Contest? For the best decorated house in the neighbourhood.
Don't you remember I talked to you about it a couple of weeks ago? Oh, yes.
I'll talk to Mr Stephens about it.
Oh, there he is now.
What's he doing? Trying on his costume? - Nothing's happened so far, Samantha - May I compliment you? Anyone who's gone to that much trouble just to please his children is certainly to be complimented.
Mrs Kravitz, we were just about to sit down to dinner, so I'm going.
You know, that's the most convincing Santa suit I've ever seen.
- Real ermine? What's that? Foam rubber? - I beg your pardon! Mrs Kravitz, you'll have to excuse us.
Wonderful.
It's just wonderful.
But how does he do that with his voice? He runs around in the snow and catches cold.
Good night, Mrs Kravitz.
Oh, good grief.
Do you realise that I still have thousands of toys to make before tomorrow night? My helpers at the Pole won't know how to proceed without me.
I assure you, Santa.
The spell can't last much longer.
That's what you said a couple of hours ago.
Well, maybe instead of toys, you could leave each child a gift certificate.
Excuse me.
- It's Larry.
- It's Larry.
I forgot.
We're supposed to convince him to keep the mink Louise bought as a surprise.
- Larry wants a mink? - No, Louise does.
Just tell him we're about to sit down to dinner.
Hi, Darrin.
I was just on my way home, and Oh, Larry, we're just about to sit down to dinner.
No, no, no.
I couldn't eat a thing, but I'll take a drink.
I just had to get away from the mass hysteria that seizes the entire population during this so-called season of mirth.
I tell you, I'm sick of it.
Sick of the crass commercialism that's invaded the Christmas holiday.
Does this have anything to do with Louise's mink? So you're one of the thousands of select people that Louise has complained to.
- What are you drinking? - Anything.
Triple.
Oh, Samantha, what am I going to do? There are thousands and thousands of children depending on me.
Oh, if only I had my workers here and some tools.
- Would that help? - Well, of course.
I might be able to manage that.
Really? Oh, that would be splendid! There's something I have to take care of first.
- Aren't you and Louise on speaking terms? - She is.
I'm on listening terms.
Larry, don't you think that Louise is gonna be worried about where you are? All Louise cares about is what she can get out of me.
- I happen to know she also cares about you.
- Yeah.
She likes me for what I am, rich.
But you're right.
I ought to go home so she'll have someone to interrupt.
I'll walk you to your car.
Okay, let's give it a whirl.
Stars, sun, wind and tide in the heavens where you abide.
Before your powers we do bow.
Bring Santa's helpers here and now.
That was beautiful.
- Where have you been? - We've been looking all over for you! Oh, Darrin, there's something I have to Sweetheart, I had to do it because Santa would have lost a lot of valuable time and thousands of children would have been disappointed.
Now, the only reason I didn't discuss it with you first was I knew you'd forbid me to do it and I'd have to disobey you, and you know I'd never do that.
Now how about some dinner? Samantha, for your sake, for Santa's sake and for the sake of my sanity, I'm going to bed.
Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart.
That's all right.
I was having a terrible nightmare anyway.
I wonder how Santa and his elves are doing.
Now that you mention it, that nightmare wasn't so terrible.
I'll go and check.
I'm kind of curious anyway.
I don't see how they can turn out that many toys in so short a time.
Abner! Abner, wake up! They've got elves! Elves in the living room making toys! And elves! And Santa Claus! And they're all running around like jumping jacks! Gladys, you'd better loosen your rollers.
Your hair is too tight.
The coast is clear.
I got Darrin to go to the store for me.
Now what? Well, I have been giving this a lot of thought.
Now, Esmeralda's mistakes usually fade long before this so we'll just have to face the possibility that you're not going to.
Are you telling me the whole night's work has been for naught? Oh, no.
I have an alternate plan.
If I can materialise your sleigh and reindeer, you'll have your own wheels, so to speak.
That's all I need.
I think it's a disgrace the way they just refuse to make an effort to beautify the neighbourhood for Christmas.
If you cared about beautifying the neighbourhood, you'd move.
Abner, that's not a very funny joke.
So what? You didn't pay anything to hear it.
I'm going to get the paper.
Come, Dasher! Come, Dancer! Come, Prancer and Vixen! Come, Comet! Come, Cupid! Come, Donner and Blitzen! To the lawn of the house where Santa is stuck.
Be sure if you fly, the antennas you duck.
What are you complaining about? I think the Stephenses did a terrific job with their Christmas decorations.
What? - But why on the lawn? - Because there wasn't room out back.
And when Mrs Kravitz sees it, we're gonna win first prize for the best decorated house in the neighbourhood.
But it wasn't there a minute ago.
Gladys, let's play house.
You be the door and I'll shut you.
Can they at least hold the loading until it gets completely dark? Lmpossible.
I have to make a stop at the North Pole and encircle the globe between now and morning.
There's nobody out there now.
You ready? One, two, three, go! - Abner! Where are you? - In the cellar.
What do you want? Come here! You won't believe this! If I won't believe it, do you mind if I save myself a climb? Goodbye, Santa.
And I'm terribly sorry for the inconvenience.
Oh, that's all right, my dear.
It'll make an interesting chapter when I write my memoirs.
Although, quite frankly, I don't think anyone would believe it.
All right! Hold tight! - A merry Christmas to all! - Cool it, Santa.
You've got to be kidding! We're having a contest in the neighbourhood.
Well, you're sure out to win it, aren't you? I've seen people go hog-wild with Christmas decorations, but this is ridiculous.
Darrin, why don't you take Larry in and give him a brandy eggnog? No, thanks.
I've already had a couple.
Louise had me up all night yapping about that mink stole.
- I'll make one for you without the eggnog.
- Now you're talking.
Santa, if we didn't have you, we'd have to make you up.
Goodbye, Santa! - That was a good eggnog.
- Have another.
- Mommy! Daddy! - Yes, sweetheart? Santa's leaving.
Don't you want to say goodbye? What's that? Oh, you mean that thing in the sky.
We've been seeing a lot of that lately.
They say it's a new rocket the Air Force is testing.
Or maybe Maybe it's Santa and his reindeer.
Yeah.
Our new secret weapon.
Santa and his Hey, your Christmas display.
It's gone.
Oh, yeah.
Well, you see, they get time-and-a-half for night work, so I let them go.
Well, that thing that was flying through the sky sure looked like - Like - Yes, Larry? Couldn't be.
But for a minute, you really thought it was Santa Claus, didn't you? Well, for a minute, maybe, but I think I'd better run along.
I've still got to pick up Louise's present.
Just what are you getting her? - Oh, it's a little sort of a - Yes? Well, you know, it kind of goes around her shoulders and Well, I've forgotten what they call it.
- But it's made of fur? - And it's very expensive? Yeah.
I I told you it wasn't the money.
I just wanted it to be a surprise.
- Sure.
- Merry Christmas, Larry.
Well, a merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.
Gee, that does sound better than "humbug.
" Oh, my.
Well, Christmas comes but once a year.
Sweetheart, do you realise that you are the only mortal who can say he has actually met Santa Claus? Yeah.
That's true.
Who can I say it to? - No, it isn't.
It's Clementine.
- We're gonna call her Cindy.
Oh, well, okay.
Sweetheart, you know, you've had a big day and I think it's time you went up and got ready for bed.
- Can I play a few more minutes? - Oh, well, all right, a few more minutes.
- Do you want to hear something wild? - What is it? Listen, "Thousands report celestial phenomenon.
"Police and army switchboards were jammed yesterday "by callers reporting an unusual sight in the heavens.
"Most callers identified the object as a UFO "but some insisted that they had actually seen Santa Claus and his reindeer "riding across the sky.
" How do you like that? Well, as I have always said, mortals are the funniest people and the nicest.
Thank you for making this such a lovely Christmas.
Oh, I forgot to ask you.
Can Sidney come over and play tomorrow? You're friends again? He finally admitted there's a Santa Claus.
How come? Well, he kept saying, "There's no Santa! There's no Santa! There's no Santa!" So I turned him into a mushroom and he finally admitted he was wrong.
- Tabitha, how many times have you - Now, Darrin, it's Christmas.
Okay.
But tomorrow, young lady, you and I are going to have a serious witch-to-witch talk.
From all of us to all of you, a very merry Christmas.