Bewitched (1964) s06e24 Episode Script

- Darrin? - I'm on the phone.
Larry, I've gotta go.
And the next time you have such good news, can it wait till I get to the office? Goodbye.
Haven't you got time for breakfast? - No, I'm late already.
I'd better go.
- What'd Larry want? Oh, some college kid who's thinking about a career in advertising is coming to the office to observe.
As if I don't have enough of a workload, guess who Larry's assigned the kid to.
Why did he have to call you at home to tell you that? He figures if I'm gonna get mad, do it on my own time.
I think it's very decent of Larry to show an interest in a young college person.
Yeah.
Especially one whose father happens to be an important client.
I'd better get going.
Take good care of that college girl.
Did I say it was a girl? No, but you didn't say it was a he, so I figured it must be a she.
Bye.
Samantha, blind faith is unbecoming to you.
Mother, eavesdropping is unbecoming to you.
Don't you care that Dum-Dum is the prey of some college cutie? - Goodbye, Mother.
- Goodbye, sucker.
Now, Mother.
No mortal pulls the wool over a witch's eyes while I'm around.
Mother, I want you to promise to butt out.
Very well, very well.
I promise.
Witch's honour.
- Really, Samantha.
I hardly think - Mother! Witch's honour.
Thank you.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna give Adam his bath.
- Serena! - Hi, Auntie! What's going down? Little cousin got a problem? Not yet, but I'm working on it.
How are you at love spells? To be perfectly frank, terrific! In that case, Serena, how would you like to have some fun with Dum-Dum? Endora, why me? Because I promised not to butt in.
You know I hate to be pushy.
So you butt in.
- Endora, you're positively evil.
- I know.
Isn't it divine? Mr Stephens, Miss Harrison is here.
Show her in.
Thank you.
How do you do? I'm Dusty Harrison.
Well, I'm Darrin Stephens.
Nice to meet you.
- Please sit down.
- Thank you.
Yes, I certainly do appreciate you taking the time to orient me to the world of advertising.
It's my pleasure.
I don't know just how we're gonna proceed, but Well, I think the most practical method would be for you to do whatever it is you do and pay no attention to me.
Yes, well, I have a storyboard to check over.
You might like to look at that.
Yes, yes, I think I might.
I'm rather proud of this one.
It's for a TV commercial.
The product is Hilgreen coffee, and the hero is a cranky coffeepot.
But this morning, the lady of the house puts a new coffee in the pot.
Now he begins to smile, and now he's chuckling, and then we see it's Hilgreen coffee.
- Well, what do you think of it? - Well And now, no sidestepping, now.
I want your honest opinion.
Okay, it's childish.
No, no, be honest.
What do you mean, childish? It implies that you can get happiness in a can of coffee when it doesn't say anything about the quality of the coffee.
Have you ever tasted this coffee? That is not our problem.
Well, maybe that's what's wrong with the world of advertising.
Miss Harrison, I hardly think that Go ahead.
Put the spell on her.
I still don't see why I have to do your dirty work.
Because when I make a promise not to interfere, I never interfere.
But that doesn't mean you can't interfere.
So start interfering.
Let this chick by love be dazed when on this mortal she doth gaze.
you're in a position to criticise.
And, furthermore What is it? Is something wrong? Oh, no.
Far from it.
What are you smiling about? I don't know.
I guess your enthusiasm is contagious.
Anything wrong with being contagious? Enthusiastic? Of course not.
I think it's beautiful.
Isn't it funny? When I first came in here I thought, "Wow, this is gonna be a drag.
" You did? - But you have such a wonderful manner.
- I do? I know this is going to be a marvellous experience, Darrin.
Yes, it is, Dusty.
- Let's go.
- No! I wanna stick around and see how it comes out.
If you don't know that, you're not much of a witch.
Well, I'd better get on with my work.
Is there anything I can do? Not really.
Well, I'd love to help.
Well, as a matter of fact, those pencils need sharpening.
There's a sharpener on the drafting table.
Yes, sir, Darrin.
I've got another idea.
How would you like to go on an errand for me? Oh, I'd love to.
Especially if you come with me.
I think you can handle this by yourself.
Nice.
Nice and sharp.
You were right.
This coffeepot is all wrong.
- It doesn't have any character.
- It doesn't? I want you to go shopping and see if you can find a coffeepot that knows its own mind.
An aggressive, clear-thinking coffeepot.
Right.
I'll do it as fast as I can and be right back.
No, no, no.
Take your time.
Buy a half a dozen if you have to.
Comb the city, but take all the time you need.
I really appreciate your confidence.
And I won't fail you, Darrin.
- Sam? - In here, sweetheart.
- Hi.
- Hi, honey.
- How was your day? - Well, it wasn't a bad day.
It wasn't a good day.
As a matter of fact, it wasn't a bad day.
That bad, huh? What happened? The client's daughter happened.
What's she like? She's just your average know-it-all college girl.
A little on the plain side.
Studious, dedicated, you know.
Yes.
I'll get it.
- Hi.
- Hi.
You must be Mrs Stephens.
I'm Dusty.
You don't look it.
Yes, I'm Mrs Stephens.
Come on in.
- I'll get Mr Stephens.
- Thank you.
It's your average know-it-all college kid.
A little on the plain side.
Dedicated, studious, wearing a miniskirt and a great big smile.
- Hi.
- Well, hi.
- You've changed.
- I usually do when I'm going out.
Your coffeepots.
I brought them by the office, but you had gone.
And you said it was crucial, so I thought you should have them as soon as possible.
Well, thanks.
You shouldn't have bothered.
I was glad to do it, Darrin.
Well, can I fix you something? Coffee? Ginger ale? Root beer? When you get to martini, stop.
A martini, huh? Well, come on in.
- Make yourself comfortable.
- Thank you.
Sam, suppose you could fix some cheese and crackers or a snack or something like that? How about giving me a quarter? I'll go to the movies.
You must think it's terrible of me barging in this way.
But it's really been an inspiration working with Darrin.
You don't mind if I call him Darrin, do you? Of course not.
He's been called worse than that.
That's great.
A wife with a sense of humour.
Yes, we laugh a lot around here.
- Here you are.
- Thanks.
You know what I think is amazing, Darrin? That you've gotten as far as you have at your age.
Actually, I'm not that young.
Although I guess most men in my position are much older.
Nuts? No, thanks.
I hope one of those coffeepots will do the trick.
I'm just dying to have you look at my coffeepots.
I'm sure he's dying to see them.
That's very sweet of you.
That must be my roast.
I'd better be going now.
Well, I'll see you tomorrow.
Yes, until tomorrow.
- It's been wonderful meeting you.
- It's been nice meeting you, too.
I just hope I found a clear-thinking, aggressive coffeepot for you.
Sweetheart, don't you think it would have been nice if you'd asked Dusty to stay for dinner? I'll admit, she looked hungry.
Come on, Sam.
She's just a very naive kid.
But she certainly does have enthusiasm.
And it's very well-distributed.
Darrin, how come you didn't mention the fact that she obviously has a violent crush on you? - You really think so? - Yes, I really think so.
Maybe I could talk Larry into assigning Dusty to someone else.
Don't be ridiculous.
You're right.
Do you think that silly little girl could make me forget you for one moment? Well, for one moment, maybe.
- I'll talk to Larry in the morning.
- Good idea.
Actually, I felt this would be better coming from Mr Tate, but, well, he didn't agree.
- Miss Harrison - You promised to call me Dusty.
Okay, Dusty.
Well, here it is in a nutshell.
You're so decisive.
You come right to the point.
Yes? Well, it's simply this.
I feel it would be better if you were assigned to one of the other men.
You mean you don't want me around? No, no, it's not that.
It's just that I think it would be safer.
I mean, wiser.
Oh, please, no, don't do that.
Now, now, now, look.
This isn't very mature, you know.
Please try to understand, Dusty.
I'm only doing this for your own good.
After all, you came here to learn something, didn't you? And then Dusty ran hysterically home and cried her heart out to her father, who obviously thinks I've led her on.
Now I'm public enemy number one with Larry and Harrison.
If I didn't know better, I'd say there was a spell on Dusty.
Gee, thanks a lot.
What do you mean, if you didn't know better? Mother gave her witch's honour she wouldn't interfere.
Her witch's what? Her witch's honour.
And she wouldn't dare break it.
Of course, there is the possibility she got someone else to cast that spell.
But who? Who else? My cousin, the love goddess.
Some love goddess.
You know what I'd better do? Call Harrison and straighten things out with him.
I'll get his number from the office.
Serena.
Serena.
Serena, I wanna talk to you right this second.
Go pollinate something.
"Am on cloud nine.
Can't come right now.
Serena.
" Serena, you're not gonna get away with it that easily.
- Darrin? - Yeah? Do you mind if I go out for a little while? Esmeralda's upstairs with the kids.
I won't be long.
Okay.
You see what's happened to your cousin as a result of living in the mortal world? She's getting to be almost as dumb as he is.
Now do your thing.
Very good, Samantha.
Thank you, Mums.
- Darrin? - Yeah? - I thought you left.
- I changed my mind.
You know, it just occurred to me.
Instead of talking to Harrison on the phone, why not invite him to drop over? - You mean here? - Well, sure.
That way he can see how much in love and how happily married we are.
Samantha, that's a terrific idea.
And the way he's building up a head of steam, the sooner the better.
I'll ask him to come over as soon as possible.
Mr Harrison, I really appreciate your coming over.
I know it's an imposition, but I have my reasons for wanting to talk to you here.
Let's get on with it.
Well, of course.
Please come in.
I want you to meet my wife.
This is my wife, Samantha.
Mr Harrison.
- How do you do? - How do you do? - Please sit down.
- Okay.
You got something to say, let's hear it.
I've got quite a few things to say to you.
Okay.
Mr Harrison, look around here.
What do you see? A very nice home and a very lovely wife.
Thank you.
Exactly.
Which should prove to you that I'm a happily married man and very much in love.
And I swear to you, I have not given your daughter one bit of encouragement.
I can't swallow that.
Dusty's always been a very level-headed girl.
And yet you expect me to believe that she could fall in love with a married man that she's known for little over a day without any encouragement.
I suppose that sounds fishy to you, but - It sounds a little fishy to me, too.
- What? I mean, from Mr Harrison's point of view.
Samantha, would you just sit there and listen? Certainly, sweetheart.
Now then Would this bother you, Mrs Stephens? Not in the least.
Excuse me.
I'll get it.
May I? I just love the smell of a good cigar.
Yes, it's a panatela.
Care for one? Don't pretend he isn't here because I know he is.
Daddy, I couldn't believe it when your office told me where you'd gone.
Why are you trying to humiliate me? Dusty, just take it easy and relax.
When are you going to stop treating me like a child? When you start acting like an adult.
I'm trying to act like an adult, but you won't let me.
- I think I'd better take you home.
- No.
I wanna have this out.
- Stop it, Dusty.
- Yeah, will you stop it? I don't care.
I love him.
He's already married, you silly little nincompoop.
That's right, I'm married, you nincompoop.
- You called me a nincompoop.
- Yeah, but so did your father.
Oh, Dusty.
You ought to let me take you home, honey.
If you don't stay out of this, I'm never going to speak to you again.
Please stop that, Dusty.
Will you cut that out? I tell you, Mrs Stephens, I don't even know how to apologise.
- That's okay.
I'm used to it.
- You mean Why don't you walk me out on the patio and I'll fill you in? But we won't be able to keep an eye on them.
And they won't be able to keep an eye on us.
Get it? - Now just calm down, Dusty.
- Why are you so mean to me? Dusty, you've got to get over me.
I am not available.
If your wife cares so much for you, then why is she out on the patio with my father? Well, I don't know.
I still think we ought to go inside and see what's happening.
Forget about them.
Let's talk about us.
Well, I still think It figures.
Mother got you to do her dirty work.
Cool it, Cuz.
We only did it for you.
Mortal men being what they are, we thought a simple spell, a certain test of infidelity was in order.
I don't have to put Darrin through any test.
And if you don't remove that spell, Cousin, you are going to be an ex-cousin.
I guess you just don't know what it's like to be in love with somebody - who doesn't even care for you.
- That's not true! - Darrin, are you hurt? Are you all right? - No, I'm fine.
Okay, okay, but you're making a national case out of nothing.
That's a federal case and hurry up.
I'm fine.
Now just calm down.
I'm fine.
Spoilsport.
ought to go in.
- You animal! - What are you doing? Take your hands off her, Stephens! I have had enough of this whole silly farce! And I've had enough of your pawing.
And I've heard enough of your explanations, you phoney.
- Well, just what are you gonna do about it? - I ought to bust you right in the bazoo.
You and who else? Well, had enough? Try one here.
What'd you do to my father, you brute? - Nothing.
I - I have a good mind to slap your face.
Well, if it'll make you feel any better, be my guest.
- Come along, Father.
- Gladly.
This place is crazy.
And don't forget, you owe me for five coffeepots.
Why did you let her hit me? After all she'd been through, I felt it was the least I could do for her.
Well? It still hurts.
Light to heavy snow covered most of the Eastern Seaboard today.
And storm warnings are up from Cape Hatteras to the Gulf Coast.
The low for the day was recorded at Rocky Point, Montana, with a temperature of 20 degrees below zero.
You didn't even touch your lamb chops.
It's a little hard to eat when the roof's about to fall in.
Maybe Harrison will change his mind about cancelling his account.
- Do you really believe that? - No.
But I hate to see those chops go to waste.
I don't know what I'm going to tell Larry, if he's still speaking to me.
If he isn't, you don't have to tell him anything.
Sam, listen.
He is 52-year-old John J.
Harrison, head of Harrison Industries, who was charged with embezzlement and three counts of fraud.
- Is that the same Harrison? - Of course.
professors is meeting with presidential advisors to discuss matters relating to the academic I knew it all the time.
I knew he was in trouble.
I had a feeling in my bones.
That's why I drove him to the point where he pulled his account.
Boy, are we lucky we're not associated with him any more.
Darrin If I do say so myself, my timing was beautiful.
- Darrin, do you really believe any of that? - No.
Then why are you saying it? I'm just rehearsing what I'm going to tell Larry.
- How does it sound? - Ridiculous.
Well, there's no other earthly explanation, is there? No, you're right.
There is no other earthly explanation.
You sly dog.