Bewitched (1964) s08e13 Episode Script
Three Men and a Witch on a Horse
Hi.
This is Elizabeth Montgomery, inviting you to stay tuned for Bewitched.
[SNAPS FINGERS.]
[.]
Sweetheart? Mm? What time's your lunch meeting? At 1:00.
Hey, I better get going.
[PHONE RINGS.]
Hello? Oh, hi.
Oh, really? Well, that's wonderful.
I'll certainly tell him.
Bye-bye.
Tell who about what? You.
About something I don't think you're gonna be too happy about.
You remember the tip on those two horses in the daily double that Abner Kravitz gave you yesterday? Don't tell me they won? Okay, I won't tell you.
Uh-oh.
What did the double pay? A bundle.
And he bought Mrs.
Kravitz a diamond ring with his winnings.
Naturally, she couldn't wait to tell me about it.
It's too bad that Durwood is afraid to take a chance.
Then maybe he'd win a bundle and get you a diamond ring.
Endora, must you always invade our house without warning? Of course not.
ENDORA: Watch out! [RUMBLING, CRASHING.]
Good morning, children.
Good morning, Mother.
Goodbye, Endora.
Mother.
Hm.
In answer to your question, I already have a diamond ring.
Oh, really? Then why don't you wear it? I am wearing it.
Oh, there's the little fella.
Mother, you are not at your best when you try humor.
Oh, Samantha, I was just trying to make a point.
Durwood is entirely too cautious.
It's no wonder he stays on his dreary little treadmill.
He'll never get anywhere unless he's willing to take a chance.
Mother, I am not going to argue with you.
For two reasons.
First of all, it's useless.
Second of all, I have a lot to do.
And the children are upstairs if you want to say hello.
Mwah.
Oh NARRATOR: [.]
[.]
[.]
[CHANTING.]
By this spell That's oh-so-droll.
You'll receive a gambler's soul.
Double, double Toil and trouble.
To Tabitha's room For the daily double Tabitha, would you like to play a little game with Daddy? Sure.
Okay, now, you see this list of names? You close your eyes and put your finger on the one you think is the luckiest.
Then you do the same thing with this next list.
Tomorrow we'll look and see if you picked the right ones.
Okay? No.
Tell me again.
Forget it.
I think I'll go play with Adam.
He's easier to understand.
MAN'S VOICE: Hey, buddy, come here.
Who's that? Me, the hobbyhorse.
I'm a present from your mother-in-law.
That loveliest of persons.
My mother-in-law, lovely? Look, Mac, it's her spell.
You want today's daily double? Get on my back.
What? Why? You got me.
It's not my spell.
Okay, rock.
Rock? Sure.
Why do you think they call me a rocking horse? Oh, that's nice.
Now, in the first race, Baleful Bob is the winner.
And the second race? Put your money on Don's Pawn.
Don's Pawn.
Ride a cock horse To Banbury Cross.
See Darrin Stephens Upon a white horse.
I I, uh Well, it looked a little unsteady.
I, uh, wanted to make sure it was safe for the kids.
I thought you'd left for the office.
How could I leave when I'm still here? Are you all right? You look a little flushed.
I'm fine, I'm fine.
Uh, but I better get going.
I don't wanna be late for my hunch.
I mean, uh, lunch.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Tabitha.
Tabitha? TABITHA: Yes, Mommy.
Uh, sweetheart, did Grandmama come up to visit you in your room this morning? Yes.
Did anything, uh, funny happen? Well, when she made my rocking horse talk it was pretty funny.
Terrific.
Is anything wrong? Nothing that Grandmama can't straighten out.
Mo [WHISPERS.]
Tabitha, sometimes when I call Grandmama, she doesn't want to appear.
Why don't you call her? Okay.
Grandmama, please come.
"Never send a girl to do a woman's work.
Your loving mother.
" [POPS.]
Ah! [LAUGHING.]
[.]
I'm glad you suggested this place, Mr.
Spengler.
The food is excellent.
Yes and quite reasonable.
You know, I'd really forgotten how much fun a cafeteria can be.
Oh, incidentally, my offer to flip you for lunch is still good.
No, no, it's my treat.
I don't like to feel obligated.
Something else I don't like and that's irresponsibility.
Where is this genius of yours? Well, it's not like Stephens to be late.
I'm sure he'll have a reasonable explanation.
He'd better.
Thank you.
Hi, Larry.
Mr.
Spengler.
I'm sorry to be late, but I got this terrific tip on the daily double.
So I stopped at one of the off-track betting places to make a bet.
You're joking, of course.
[LAUGHS.]
He's joking.
No, I'm not.
Will you take that thing out of your ear? Not now, Larry.
My first horse already won and the results of the second race are due.
Darrin, this is supposed to be a business meeting.
I'll tell you what.
I've got $20 bet.
I'll give you each $5 of my action.
Thank you, but I'm not a betting man.
Shh, I'm getting the results.
Well, this is ridiculous.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, you know these creative geniuses.
They all have a screw loose somewhere.
I hit it.
I won the daily double.
Paid $89.
That's 89 times 10.
I won $890.
Now aren't you sorry you didn't accept my offer? In about a minute, I'm going to make you an offer.
To accept your resignation.
I don't know what you're sore about.
I offered you each $5 of my bet.
It's not my fault that you lost, uh $222.
50 each.
We're going to lose a lot more than that if we don't get down to business.
Stephens, where'd you get that tip on the daily double? Yeah, where did you get that tip? Well, I have an absolutely unbeatable source.
I'm not a betting man, but this is very impressive.
Yes, very impressive.
But, uh, let's get back to our business discussion, shall we? I've got a better idea.
Let's get back to my house.
What for? That's where my source is.
I think it would be better if we went directly to the nearest psychiatrist.
I wouldn't mind placing a small bet.
Neither would I.
As I say, I'm not a betting man, but this is one time business can wait.
Now you're talking, sport.
Oh! Oh, uh, sorry.
Mother.
I know you've been horsing around with a spell on Darrin.
Or should I say "hobbyhorsing around"? For the last time, will you please show up? Where have you been? Hovering.
I was waiting to give you the price on the daily double.
[GASPS.]
For your information, Durwood won $890.
You tell me the last time that dimwit made that kind of money.
Mother, you know perfectly well that fixing races is strictly I did not do any fixing, Samantha.
I did a little predicting.
Okay.
You know perfectly well that predicting anything is strictly against witch ethics.
And you know perfectly well that with mortals, anything goes.
It's also against mortal ethics.
Which is further proof of Durwood's lack of character.
Anyway, Darrin isn't entitled to that money.
He won it through witchcraft.
Oh, well, if that's your attitude That's my attitude, all right.
And I would very much appreciate it if you would pop upstairs and take the spell off that hobbyhorse.
And when Darrin comes home [DOOR OPENS.]
There are nine horses in the seventh race.
Oh, great, that's 9-to-1 odds.
Is that the way they figure? Oh, I don't know.
What's he doing home so early? If I know these greedy mortals, you're about to see three men on a horse.
Mother, do something about that hobbyhorse, please.
Ooh, very well.
Come on in, make yourselves comfortable.
I'll get in touch with my source.
Oh, hi, Sam.
Hi, Samantha.
Hi, Larry.
Mr.
Spengler, meet my wife, Samantha.
How do you do? How do you do, Mr.
Spengler? Sam, I won the daily double.
I'd like to talk to you for a minute.
Well, we're in kind of a rush.
I have to talk to you.
Do you mind if we do it on the way upstairs? Excuse us.
Certainly.
Mother? I wonder where she went.
Darrin, I don't think that's gonna do you any good.
Mother promised she'd take the spell off that horse.
Don't say that, Sam, even in jest.
Okay, I want the winner of the seventh race.
HOBBYHORSE: In the seventh race, put your money on Count of Valor.
Well, so much for Mother's promises.
Darrin, try to control yourself.
Use your willpower.
It won't do any good.
It might.
What odds will you give? I've got to find my mother, the fink.
Um, okay, what about the eighth race? In the seventh race, put your money on Count of Valor.
What's the matter with you? This is a recording.
I'll have to be satisfied with one sure winner.
Win a few, lose a few, eh, Irving? [LAUGHS.]
With what I won in the daily double, and counting my original bet, I've got over $900 in my account.
I'm gonna put half of this on Count of Valor.
How much do you fellas want? Well, I don't know.
How come you only got one race? I told you, that's all my source gave me.
Don't know how much time I have.
Put you down for something.
Darrin, wait.
I can't now.
But But, uh, Darrin Darrin, listen.
Darrin, please.
Darrin, I uh.
I wish you'd think this over.
Every one of these handicappers picks Count of Valor on top but only if you turn the paper upside down.
Sam, the rocking horse knows.
A rocking horse doesn't read the paper.
Look at what this fellow says about Count of Valor: "Couldn't beat a fat man up a hill.
" Now, doesn't that make you wonder about your source? It's the same source that gave me the winners of the daily double.
But a source can dry up or even get mad.
Hello, I'd like to place a bet.
My account number is A231.
My code name is Dog.
And so's your horse.
Yeah, I'd like to place a bet in the seventh race at Aqueduct.
[SIGHS.]
Got to find that woman I used to call Mother.
[DOOR SLAMS.]
I hope he doesn't make too large a bet for us.
[LAUGHS.]
Okay.
We're all set.
I put you down for 2 apiece.
Two, that's all? We came all this way and you only put $2 down for us? No.
Two hundred.
Two hundred? Darrin, isn't that an awful lot of money for such a long shot? Well, I'm down for 400.
If you don't wanna bet 200 each, I'll take your action.
But don't forget what happened at lunch today.
I'll take the 200.
Me too.
I think they broadcast the feature race on TV on Saturdays.
Maybe we can watch it.
Yeah, there it is.
Let's drive down to the off-track betting station and watch the race.
That way we'll be closer to our money.
Oh, that's a good idea.
Oh, great.
Let's hurry.
Sam, we're going back downtown to watch the race.
You wanna come with us? No, thank you.
I'm still looking for you-know-who.
Well, see you later.
Mm.
Bye, Sam.
Goodbye.
Good luck.
Mother? Mother, I may be sticking my neck out, but if you don't show up this minute, your grandchildren are gonna be off-limits to you.
There's no need for you to stick your neck out.
Where have you been? Oh around.
I thought you said you were gonna do something about that rocking horse.
I did.
That's what I was afraid of.
Did you feed Darrin a loser? That's what you wanted, isn't it? You said he didn't deserve the money.
I agree.
He doesn't.
So I arranged for him to lose it.
That's logical, isn't it? Logical and mean.
Yes.
Isn't it? Mother, you're right about Darrin.
He's only losing the money he won earlier.
But what about Larry and the client? They don't deserve to lose $200 apiece.
And they'll just blame Darrin.
Oh, what a shame.
But you know very well we can't tamper with the future.
Hm.
I know.
Maybe I could give that horse some encouragement.
Uh, Mother, would you mind staying with the children? Where are you going? I think I'll pop down to the track and find that horse.
And try and talk a little people sense into him.
[SNAPS FINGERS.]
[NEIGHS.]
Shh.
Sorry, fella.
Now, you just calm down.
Just calm down.
Now, listen, I'd like to have a little talk with you and, uh, maybe I should fix it so that, uh, you can have a little talk with me too.
Oh.
Now we can communicate.
Say, how did you do that? I'm a witch.
Oh, sure, and I'm Pegasus.
Well, if you were, you might move a little faster.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
You haven't won a race in over a year.
Well, who needs you to remind me? Why haven't you been winning? I'm not as dumb as I look.
You see, if I keep losing races, how long do you think it'll be before they put me out to pasture? Huh? [SNICKERS.]
If I'm lucky, this will be my last race.
But what about your pride? Do you know what those handicappers have been saying about you? Why Oops.
Looks like we've got company.
[WHINNYING.]
Hi, there.
Who were you talking to? This horse.
Oh.
You usually talk to horses? Well, yes.
When I bet on them.
You put money on this nag? Shh.
Don't say things like that in front of him.
You'll hurt his feelings.
Ma'am, if this bangtail had any feelings, he would run away.
If he knew how to run.
[WHINNYING.]
See? He resents that.
That's more action than he shows on the track.
If Count of Valor doesn't win any races, are you gonna retire him to pasture? More than likely retire him to the glue factory.
[NEIGHS.]
Well, I have a feeling the Count is gonna make an all-out effort this afternoon.
Aren't you? [NEIGHS, GRUNTS.]
I wouldn't be surprised if he ended up in the winner's circle.
I think he does understand you.
Of course he does.
[GIGGLES.]
You want me to walk you to the paddock? [NEIGHS, GRUNTS.]
Hey, Mac.
Yeah.
You want a tip on a sure thing in the seventh? Count of Valor.
[.]
ANNOUNCER [ON TV.]
: The horses are at the gate.
Now, that's a good-looking horse.
This is not a beauty contest, Darrin.
Hi.
Hi, Sam.
What are you doing here? Don't get up.
So you changed your mind, huh? I was in the neighborhood.
I thought I'd drop by.
It is now post time.
Sam, what do you think? The odds on Count of Valor have dropped from 30-to-1 to 5-to-1.
Really? That groom must be a real blabbermouth.
Who? ANNOUNCER: The flag is up.
[BELL RINGS.]
There they go.
Count of Valor, dwelt at the start.
It's Sirocco going to the front, Mail Bag is What's "dwelt" polite for? Left at the gate.
Well, at least he's going in the right direction.
ANNOUNCER: Count of Valor is trailing.
It's Sirocco Stephens, are you sure you got the right horse? He'll catch up.
Only if they race to Albany.
Where is our horse? I don't see him.
For $200, you'd think you'd get a look at him.
And Count of Valor still trails.
There he is.
Isn't he cute? I think we've been had.
Exactly what I've been thinking.
Give him time.
He doesn't have any time left.
Sweetheart, if that's the way they feel, why don't you let them off the hook? Okay, you're off the hook.
Well, I don't want you to feel No need to apologize.
See you back at the office, Darrin.
Aren't you gonna stay and see the end of the race? And Count of Valor is far back.
It would be kinder not to stand around and watch Darrin lose his money.
Goodbye, Sam.
Indian Red is fourth and Count of Valor Don Pedro moving up on the inside.
Now Count of Valor is beginning to move forward There he goes! I knew it! Count of Valor is moving forward.
It's Mail Bag in front.
Blue Coat is second.
Indian Red and Don Pedro.
And here comes Count of Valor on the outside.
Here's Mail Bag, Indian Red, and in the middle of the racetrack is Count of Valor.
Indian Red, Mail Bag, Count of Valor on the outside.
Count of Valor gets up to win it by a head.
Indian Red is second.
Mail Bag is third.
Sam, do you realize I just won $4000 and Larry and Mr.
Spengler just blew $1000 each? Oh, well, if you're lucky they won't find out about it.
Did you see that horse run? Yeah.
Did you see him come out of nowhere? He ran like Well, he ran like, um Like he was running for his life? Yeah.
[.]
[.]
Sweetheart, I don't blame you for being angry at Mother.
But she did take the spell off and you did win a lot of money.
That's not the point.
Okay, then why don't you give the money to a worthy charity? That way, Mother will have done her good deed for the week.
Are you sure you don't mind? Mm-mm.
[CHUCKLES.]
But Mother will.
You've convinced me.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Oh, hi, Larry.
Hi, Sam.
I was just driving by and Hi, Darrin.
Hi, Larry.
How are you? Fine.
Uh, how's Mr.
Spengler? Not so fine.
He found out that our horse won.
He did? How? They must have leaked it to the newspapers.
You know how he is about money.
And, uh, well, he feels you tricked him.
Well, that's ridiculous.
Of course it is.
You both said you wanted out.
I know.
But with a client you can't always be rational.
Actually, the way Mr.
Spengler put it is that he doesn't understand racetrack jargon.
So when Darrin said he'd let him off the hook, it didn't mean a thing to him.
Larry, what are you trying to say? That in the best interests of preserving the Spengler account, it would be propitious of Darrin to restore Spengler's bet.
That's what I thought you were trying to say.
So when do we get our money? Did he say "our money"? That's what I thought I heard.
Well, you're certainly going to give an old friend more consideration than a mere passing client.
You must be kidding.
Sweetheart, you are in an area where Larry does not kid.
But I So in the best interests of preserving a beautiful friendship, and your job, I think you should agree.
Sam, it's people like you that make me proud to be an American.
Gee, thanks.
You're welcome.
[.]
[.]
This is Elizabeth Montgomery, inviting you to stay tuned for Bewitched.
[SNAPS FINGERS.]
[.]
Sweetheart? Mm? What time's your lunch meeting? At 1:00.
Hey, I better get going.
[PHONE RINGS.]
Hello? Oh, hi.
Oh, really? Well, that's wonderful.
I'll certainly tell him.
Bye-bye.
Tell who about what? You.
About something I don't think you're gonna be too happy about.
You remember the tip on those two horses in the daily double that Abner Kravitz gave you yesterday? Don't tell me they won? Okay, I won't tell you.
Uh-oh.
What did the double pay? A bundle.
And he bought Mrs.
Kravitz a diamond ring with his winnings.
Naturally, she couldn't wait to tell me about it.
It's too bad that Durwood is afraid to take a chance.
Then maybe he'd win a bundle and get you a diamond ring.
Endora, must you always invade our house without warning? Of course not.
ENDORA: Watch out! [RUMBLING, CRASHING.]
Good morning, children.
Good morning, Mother.
Goodbye, Endora.
Mother.
Hm.
In answer to your question, I already have a diamond ring.
Oh, really? Then why don't you wear it? I am wearing it.
Oh, there's the little fella.
Mother, you are not at your best when you try humor.
Oh, Samantha, I was just trying to make a point.
Durwood is entirely too cautious.
It's no wonder he stays on his dreary little treadmill.
He'll never get anywhere unless he's willing to take a chance.
Mother, I am not going to argue with you.
For two reasons.
First of all, it's useless.
Second of all, I have a lot to do.
And the children are upstairs if you want to say hello.
Mwah.
Oh NARRATOR: [.]
[.]
[.]
[CHANTING.]
By this spell That's oh-so-droll.
You'll receive a gambler's soul.
Double, double Toil and trouble.
To Tabitha's room For the daily double Tabitha, would you like to play a little game with Daddy? Sure.
Okay, now, you see this list of names? You close your eyes and put your finger on the one you think is the luckiest.
Then you do the same thing with this next list.
Tomorrow we'll look and see if you picked the right ones.
Okay? No.
Tell me again.
Forget it.
I think I'll go play with Adam.
He's easier to understand.
MAN'S VOICE: Hey, buddy, come here.
Who's that? Me, the hobbyhorse.
I'm a present from your mother-in-law.
That loveliest of persons.
My mother-in-law, lovely? Look, Mac, it's her spell.
You want today's daily double? Get on my back.
What? Why? You got me.
It's not my spell.
Okay, rock.
Rock? Sure.
Why do you think they call me a rocking horse? Oh, that's nice.
Now, in the first race, Baleful Bob is the winner.
And the second race? Put your money on Don's Pawn.
Don's Pawn.
Ride a cock horse To Banbury Cross.
See Darrin Stephens Upon a white horse.
I I, uh Well, it looked a little unsteady.
I, uh, wanted to make sure it was safe for the kids.
I thought you'd left for the office.
How could I leave when I'm still here? Are you all right? You look a little flushed.
I'm fine, I'm fine.
Uh, but I better get going.
I don't wanna be late for my hunch.
I mean, uh, lunch.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Tabitha.
Tabitha? TABITHA: Yes, Mommy.
Uh, sweetheart, did Grandmama come up to visit you in your room this morning? Yes.
Did anything, uh, funny happen? Well, when she made my rocking horse talk it was pretty funny.
Terrific.
Is anything wrong? Nothing that Grandmama can't straighten out.
Mo [WHISPERS.]
Tabitha, sometimes when I call Grandmama, she doesn't want to appear.
Why don't you call her? Okay.
Grandmama, please come.
"Never send a girl to do a woman's work.
Your loving mother.
" [POPS.]
Ah! [LAUGHING.]
[.]
I'm glad you suggested this place, Mr.
Spengler.
The food is excellent.
Yes and quite reasonable.
You know, I'd really forgotten how much fun a cafeteria can be.
Oh, incidentally, my offer to flip you for lunch is still good.
No, no, it's my treat.
I don't like to feel obligated.
Something else I don't like and that's irresponsibility.
Where is this genius of yours? Well, it's not like Stephens to be late.
I'm sure he'll have a reasonable explanation.
He'd better.
Thank you.
Hi, Larry.
Mr.
Spengler.
I'm sorry to be late, but I got this terrific tip on the daily double.
So I stopped at one of the off-track betting places to make a bet.
You're joking, of course.
[LAUGHS.]
He's joking.
No, I'm not.
Will you take that thing out of your ear? Not now, Larry.
My first horse already won and the results of the second race are due.
Darrin, this is supposed to be a business meeting.
I'll tell you what.
I've got $20 bet.
I'll give you each $5 of my action.
Thank you, but I'm not a betting man.
Shh, I'm getting the results.
Well, this is ridiculous.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, you know these creative geniuses.
They all have a screw loose somewhere.
I hit it.
I won the daily double.
Paid $89.
That's 89 times 10.
I won $890.
Now aren't you sorry you didn't accept my offer? In about a minute, I'm going to make you an offer.
To accept your resignation.
I don't know what you're sore about.
I offered you each $5 of my bet.
It's not my fault that you lost, uh $222.
50 each.
We're going to lose a lot more than that if we don't get down to business.
Stephens, where'd you get that tip on the daily double? Yeah, where did you get that tip? Well, I have an absolutely unbeatable source.
I'm not a betting man, but this is very impressive.
Yes, very impressive.
But, uh, let's get back to our business discussion, shall we? I've got a better idea.
Let's get back to my house.
What for? That's where my source is.
I think it would be better if we went directly to the nearest psychiatrist.
I wouldn't mind placing a small bet.
Neither would I.
As I say, I'm not a betting man, but this is one time business can wait.
Now you're talking, sport.
Oh! Oh, uh, sorry.
Mother.
I know you've been horsing around with a spell on Darrin.
Or should I say "hobbyhorsing around"? For the last time, will you please show up? Where have you been? Hovering.
I was waiting to give you the price on the daily double.
[GASPS.]
For your information, Durwood won $890.
You tell me the last time that dimwit made that kind of money.
Mother, you know perfectly well that fixing races is strictly I did not do any fixing, Samantha.
I did a little predicting.
Okay.
You know perfectly well that predicting anything is strictly against witch ethics.
And you know perfectly well that with mortals, anything goes.
It's also against mortal ethics.
Which is further proof of Durwood's lack of character.
Anyway, Darrin isn't entitled to that money.
He won it through witchcraft.
Oh, well, if that's your attitude That's my attitude, all right.
And I would very much appreciate it if you would pop upstairs and take the spell off that hobbyhorse.
And when Darrin comes home [DOOR OPENS.]
There are nine horses in the seventh race.
Oh, great, that's 9-to-1 odds.
Is that the way they figure? Oh, I don't know.
What's he doing home so early? If I know these greedy mortals, you're about to see three men on a horse.
Mother, do something about that hobbyhorse, please.
Ooh, very well.
Come on in, make yourselves comfortable.
I'll get in touch with my source.
Oh, hi, Sam.
Hi, Samantha.
Hi, Larry.
Mr.
Spengler, meet my wife, Samantha.
How do you do? How do you do, Mr.
Spengler? Sam, I won the daily double.
I'd like to talk to you for a minute.
Well, we're in kind of a rush.
I have to talk to you.
Do you mind if we do it on the way upstairs? Excuse us.
Certainly.
Mother? I wonder where she went.
Darrin, I don't think that's gonna do you any good.
Mother promised she'd take the spell off that horse.
Don't say that, Sam, even in jest.
Okay, I want the winner of the seventh race.
HOBBYHORSE: In the seventh race, put your money on Count of Valor.
Well, so much for Mother's promises.
Darrin, try to control yourself.
Use your willpower.
It won't do any good.
It might.
What odds will you give? I've got to find my mother, the fink.
Um, okay, what about the eighth race? In the seventh race, put your money on Count of Valor.
What's the matter with you? This is a recording.
I'll have to be satisfied with one sure winner.
Win a few, lose a few, eh, Irving? [LAUGHS.]
With what I won in the daily double, and counting my original bet, I've got over $900 in my account.
I'm gonna put half of this on Count of Valor.
How much do you fellas want? Well, I don't know.
How come you only got one race? I told you, that's all my source gave me.
Don't know how much time I have.
Put you down for something.
Darrin, wait.
I can't now.
But But, uh, Darrin Darrin, listen.
Darrin, please.
Darrin, I uh.
I wish you'd think this over.
Every one of these handicappers picks Count of Valor on top but only if you turn the paper upside down.
Sam, the rocking horse knows.
A rocking horse doesn't read the paper.
Look at what this fellow says about Count of Valor: "Couldn't beat a fat man up a hill.
" Now, doesn't that make you wonder about your source? It's the same source that gave me the winners of the daily double.
But a source can dry up or even get mad.
Hello, I'd like to place a bet.
My account number is A231.
My code name is Dog.
And so's your horse.
Yeah, I'd like to place a bet in the seventh race at Aqueduct.
[SIGHS.]
Got to find that woman I used to call Mother.
[DOOR SLAMS.]
I hope he doesn't make too large a bet for us.
[LAUGHS.]
Okay.
We're all set.
I put you down for 2 apiece.
Two, that's all? We came all this way and you only put $2 down for us? No.
Two hundred.
Two hundred? Darrin, isn't that an awful lot of money for such a long shot? Well, I'm down for 400.
If you don't wanna bet 200 each, I'll take your action.
But don't forget what happened at lunch today.
I'll take the 200.
Me too.
I think they broadcast the feature race on TV on Saturdays.
Maybe we can watch it.
Yeah, there it is.
Let's drive down to the off-track betting station and watch the race.
That way we'll be closer to our money.
Oh, that's a good idea.
Oh, great.
Let's hurry.
Sam, we're going back downtown to watch the race.
You wanna come with us? No, thank you.
I'm still looking for you-know-who.
Well, see you later.
Mm.
Bye, Sam.
Goodbye.
Good luck.
Mother? Mother, I may be sticking my neck out, but if you don't show up this minute, your grandchildren are gonna be off-limits to you.
There's no need for you to stick your neck out.
Where have you been? Oh around.
I thought you said you were gonna do something about that rocking horse.
I did.
That's what I was afraid of.
Did you feed Darrin a loser? That's what you wanted, isn't it? You said he didn't deserve the money.
I agree.
He doesn't.
So I arranged for him to lose it.
That's logical, isn't it? Logical and mean.
Yes.
Isn't it? Mother, you're right about Darrin.
He's only losing the money he won earlier.
But what about Larry and the client? They don't deserve to lose $200 apiece.
And they'll just blame Darrin.
Oh, what a shame.
But you know very well we can't tamper with the future.
Hm.
I know.
Maybe I could give that horse some encouragement.
Uh, Mother, would you mind staying with the children? Where are you going? I think I'll pop down to the track and find that horse.
And try and talk a little people sense into him.
[SNAPS FINGERS.]
[NEIGHS.]
Shh.
Sorry, fella.
Now, you just calm down.
Just calm down.
Now, listen, I'd like to have a little talk with you and, uh, maybe I should fix it so that, uh, you can have a little talk with me too.
Oh.
Now we can communicate.
Say, how did you do that? I'm a witch.
Oh, sure, and I'm Pegasus.
Well, if you were, you might move a little faster.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
You haven't won a race in over a year.
Well, who needs you to remind me? Why haven't you been winning? I'm not as dumb as I look.
You see, if I keep losing races, how long do you think it'll be before they put me out to pasture? Huh? [SNICKERS.]
If I'm lucky, this will be my last race.
But what about your pride? Do you know what those handicappers have been saying about you? Why Oops.
Looks like we've got company.
[WHINNYING.]
Hi, there.
Who were you talking to? This horse.
Oh.
You usually talk to horses? Well, yes.
When I bet on them.
You put money on this nag? Shh.
Don't say things like that in front of him.
You'll hurt his feelings.
Ma'am, if this bangtail had any feelings, he would run away.
If he knew how to run.
[WHINNYING.]
See? He resents that.
That's more action than he shows on the track.
If Count of Valor doesn't win any races, are you gonna retire him to pasture? More than likely retire him to the glue factory.
[NEIGHS.]
Well, I have a feeling the Count is gonna make an all-out effort this afternoon.
Aren't you? [NEIGHS, GRUNTS.]
I wouldn't be surprised if he ended up in the winner's circle.
I think he does understand you.
Of course he does.
[GIGGLES.]
You want me to walk you to the paddock? [NEIGHS, GRUNTS.]
Hey, Mac.
Yeah.
You want a tip on a sure thing in the seventh? Count of Valor.
[.]
ANNOUNCER [ON TV.]
: The horses are at the gate.
Now, that's a good-looking horse.
This is not a beauty contest, Darrin.
Hi.
Hi, Sam.
What are you doing here? Don't get up.
So you changed your mind, huh? I was in the neighborhood.
I thought I'd drop by.
It is now post time.
Sam, what do you think? The odds on Count of Valor have dropped from 30-to-1 to 5-to-1.
Really? That groom must be a real blabbermouth.
Who? ANNOUNCER: The flag is up.
[BELL RINGS.]
There they go.
Count of Valor, dwelt at the start.
It's Sirocco going to the front, Mail Bag is What's "dwelt" polite for? Left at the gate.
Well, at least he's going in the right direction.
ANNOUNCER: Count of Valor is trailing.
It's Sirocco Stephens, are you sure you got the right horse? He'll catch up.
Only if they race to Albany.
Where is our horse? I don't see him.
For $200, you'd think you'd get a look at him.
And Count of Valor still trails.
There he is.
Isn't he cute? I think we've been had.
Exactly what I've been thinking.
Give him time.
He doesn't have any time left.
Sweetheart, if that's the way they feel, why don't you let them off the hook? Okay, you're off the hook.
Well, I don't want you to feel No need to apologize.
See you back at the office, Darrin.
Aren't you gonna stay and see the end of the race? And Count of Valor is far back.
It would be kinder not to stand around and watch Darrin lose his money.
Goodbye, Sam.
Indian Red is fourth and Count of Valor Don Pedro moving up on the inside.
Now Count of Valor is beginning to move forward There he goes! I knew it! Count of Valor is moving forward.
It's Mail Bag in front.
Blue Coat is second.
Indian Red and Don Pedro.
And here comes Count of Valor on the outside.
Here's Mail Bag, Indian Red, and in the middle of the racetrack is Count of Valor.
Indian Red, Mail Bag, Count of Valor on the outside.
Count of Valor gets up to win it by a head.
Indian Red is second.
Mail Bag is third.
Sam, do you realize I just won $4000 and Larry and Mr.
Spengler just blew $1000 each? Oh, well, if you're lucky they won't find out about it.
Did you see that horse run? Yeah.
Did you see him come out of nowhere? He ran like Well, he ran like, um Like he was running for his life? Yeah.
[.]
[.]
Sweetheart, I don't blame you for being angry at Mother.
But she did take the spell off and you did win a lot of money.
That's not the point.
Okay, then why don't you give the money to a worthy charity? That way, Mother will have done her good deed for the week.
Are you sure you don't mind? Mm-mm.
[CHUCKLES.]
But Mother will.
You've convinced me.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Oh, hi, Larry.
Hi, Sam.
I was just driving by and Hi, Darrin.
Hi, Larry.
How are you? Fine.
Uh, how's Mr.
Spengler? Not so fine.
He found out that our horse won.
He did? How? They must have leaked it to the newspapers.
You know how he is about money.
And, uh, well, he feels you tricked him.
Well, that's ridiculous.
Of course it is.
You both said you wanted out.
I know.
But with a client you can't always be rational.
Actually, the way Mr.
Spengler put it is that he doesn't understand racetrack jargon.
So when Darrin said he'd let him off the hook, it didn't mean a thing to him.
Larry, what are you trying to say? That in the best interests of preserving the Spengler account, it would be propitious of Darrin to restore Spengler's bet.
That's what I thought you were trying to say.
So when do we get our money? Did he say "our money"? That's what I thought I heard.
Well, you're certainly going to give an old friend more consideration than a mere passing client.
You must be kidding.
Sweetheart, you are in an area where Larry does not kid.
But I So in the best interests of preserving a beautiful friendship, and your job, I think you should agree.
Sam, it's people like you that make me proud to be an American.
Gee, thanks.
You're welcome.
[.]
[.]