Big Bang Theory s10e16 Episode Script

The Allowance Evaporation

1 Go! (inhales deeply) Come on, Raj! LEONARD: You can do this! There's no way.
What is happening? This is an Euler's Disk.
It's a physics toy that demonstrates angular momentum, potential energy, and kinetic energy.
Aw, look at you watching sports.
We're betting to see if Koothrappali can hold his breath longer than the disk can spin.
Its weight and smoothness, along with the slight concavity of the mirror, means it can spin for a long time.
But Raj is from India, which means he's no slouch at holding his breath.
Okay, I want in.
Ten bucks says I'll lose interest before that thing stops spinning.
Hey, Sheldon, I found a great restaurant for date night.
Kind of busy right now.
Oh, an Euler's Disk! Fun! Yeah, we're seeing if Raj can hold his breath longer than it.
How ya doing? Mm.
He's not gonna make it.
Yes, he is! You know, deep-sea divers holding their breath for several minutes have shown elevated markers of a protein that can signal brain damage.
Yeah, see, what's happening here signals brain damage.
(muffled groaning) My God, how long does this thing spin for? Ha! You're interested! You're out ten bucks! It's slowing down! Dig deep! Like when we bet you couldn't fit into Howard's pants! (groaning) He's not gonna make it! Yes, he is! Come on, Raj! It's like your favorite movie! You're just Waiting to Exhale! (exhales) Yeah! I knew you could do it! (panting): And j.
and just so you know, my favorite movie is Princess Bride.
Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started Wait! The Earth began to cool The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools We built the Wall We built the pyramids Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery That all started with a big bang Bang! The Big Bang Theory 10x16 The Allowance Evaporation Original Air Da (line ringing) (sighs) Hello, Rajesh.
How are things by you? Good, good.
Uh, listen, I just wanted to let you know when you get my credit card bill, it might be a little high this month.
Well, you're a grown man with a steady job.
Why wouldn't you spend all your father's money? (chuckling): Oh, Daddy, you're so rich and funny.
So what else is going on with your life? Uh, well, I was dating a woman at the university, but we broke up.
I'm sorry to hear that.
I know you are.
That's why you just bought me a new iPad.
And before you start, I am not interested in you arranging a marriage for me.
Oh, I gave up on that a long time ago.
You did? It's too much work.
You're an adult who can't get by without an allowance from his parents.
Women don't want that.
Wh-What are you saying, that y-you're giving up on me? What kind of father gives up on his son? I have six children, five of whom are married and self-sufficient.
I don't think I'm the problem.
I can't believe what I'm hearing.
This is deeply hurtful.
You're also too sensitive.
Women don't want that either.
The food here's supposed to be great.
Don't fill up on chips.
Oh, I won't.
I have a trick.
I only eat equilateral triangles.
Isosceles, isosceles, oh, scalene You didn't see that.
Oh, look.
It's Bert, at the bar.
We should go say hi.
Why? Because that's what you do when you see someone you know in a public place.
I have multiple restraining orders that say otherwise.
Sheldon, there's a difference between greeting a friend and following a celebrity into a bathroom.
If the judge couldn't explain it to me, I don't see how you will.
Hi, Bert.
Oh, hey, guys.
What brings you here? Oh, we're having date night.
I'm meeting someone, too.
Oh, really.
Anybody we know? I doubt it.
I met her on G-Harmony.
That's a Web site for geologists to find love.
That's a real thing? Yeah.
Their slogan is “We're all about dating and not the carbon-14 kind”" Well, have a lovely evening.
You, too.
If you think that's more fun than talking to Zachary Quinto through a stall door, you're crazy.
You know, we could've come to you guys.
You didn't have to bring the baby here.
Oh, it's okay.
It's good to get out of the house.
And the car ride puts her to sleep.
Aw, that used to work with Sheldon.
Yeah, until someone left him in the drugstore parking lot and he freaked out.
Who forgot to crack the window? Hello! LEONARD: Hey.
PENNY: Oh, someone's been shopping at Gucci.
Yeah, I saw something for Halley and I couldn't resist.
That's so sweet of you.
Yeah, it's a crushed velvet baby cape.
Oh, no, now we have two.
That must've been expensive.
Yeah, it was.
But it's my father's money and I'm mad at him.
What's going on with your dad? And if you really want to hurt him, I look great in Chanel.
(clears throat) It turns out he doesn't care if I'm married or if I'm single.
He's basically given up on me.
Oh, I'm sure that's not true.
It is.
He stopped trying to find Indian girls for me to marry.
All you did was complain when he did that.
Leonard, he's hurting.
Let him feel how he feels.
Thank you, Penny.
Shoes, I'm a seven-and-a-half; boots, I'm an eight.
MSN Search, AltaVista, and Ask Jeeves.
You? Sorry, I don't have a list of defunct search engines that I miss.
Looks like I got stood up, so I'm gonna head out.
Oh, no.
Are you sure you don't want to give her a few more minutes? Nah, G-Harmony recommends after two hours, it's time to cut bait.
I'm so sorry.
Bert, I insist that you join us.
You really wouldn't mind? Not at all.
Amy? Fine with me.
I'll go grab a chair.
Sheldon, that was so sweet of you.
Well, I could deduce by his facial expression and body language that he was sad.
So the part where he got stood up didn't clue you in? You want me to look at him and listen to him? My father thinks the reason I can't make a relationship work is because I'm spoiled.
I'm sorry, is he waiting for someone to disagree? Just because he helps me out doesn't automatically mean that I'm spoiled.
All right, how much exactly does he pay for? Okay, I'll tell you, but please don't judge me.
He pays for my car, my rent, and my credit cards.
I'm trying, but I'm judging.
Maybe your dad's right.
Yeah, women do like a man that can support himself.
But Bernadette makes more money than Howard.
She basically supports him.
Yeah, maybe your dad's right.
Good question.
Let's see.
Infoseek, WebCrawler, oh, HotBot.
Okay, literally any other topic.
All right.
How did you guys meet? Actually, we met online.
Our-our first date was at a coffee shop.
Although, unlike your date, she actually showed up.
Oh, he looks sad again.
Well, I really envy your relationship.
Other than you two only having sex once a year, you're the perfect couple.
You-you know about that? Uh, yeah, everyone at the university does.
Were you aware of this? No.
No, I only told Leonard, Howard, Raj, Kripke, uh, Professor Wu, Professor Klein, and a lunch lady in the cafeteria.
How everyone else found out is a mystery to me.
Why aren't you talking to me? - Because I'm mad at you.
- Oh.
Well, now I'm sorry I asked.
Sheldon, it's humiliating.
Thanks to you, my colleagues are gossiping about our sex life.
What is there to gossip about? We barely have one.
That's why they're doing it! Is it safe to assume you're not speaking to me again? If you're not answering because you're not speaking to me, perhaps we could come up with a signal! (door slams) That works! You don't need your dad's money.
You can get by on your salary.
Well, we work at the same place as you, and we've always been fine.
Look in the mirror.
You both look ten years older than I do.
PENNY: All right.
Hang on.
We can figure this out.
Let's just go over your expenses.
How much is your rent? I don't want to say.
Is it really that high? I don't want to say because I don't know how much it is.
You don't how much your rent is? My father pays for it! Do you know how much your rent is?! Yeah.
Well, then double it, because my building's a lot nicer than this dump.
Do you know how much your car costs? Not really.
Well, how much do you spend on food? The housekeeper does the shopping.
Oh, my God, you really are spoiled.
I'm spoiled?! Your baby has a cape that costs $300! I'm going to bed.
Well, wait.
This is our first fight as a couple who live together.
So? I'm not sure of the protocol.
Television teaches us that the man's supposed to sleep on the couch, but of the two of us, you're clearly more sofa-sized.
I'm not sleeping on the couch 'cause you don't know what's private and what's not.
This isn't fair.
You've discussed aspects of our physical relationship with Penny.
That's different! She's a close friend, not the lady in the cafeteria who cuts the crust off your sandwiches! That lady has a name.
I don't know what it is, but one time, I accidentally called her “Mom”.
Sounds like you're gonna need a cheaper place to live.
When you moved here, you didn't have a lot of money.
How'd you get by? Well, sometimes you can get free food and Wi-Fi from the neighbors.
Just know you might have to marry one of 'em.
Hey, you guys let Stuart live with you.
Why not Raj, too? What-what are you doing? I I-I-I schlepped the baby over, I brought imported beer.
Why don't you like me? KOOTHRAPPALI: Well, I thought we were best friends! We are! That's why I'm sad my best friend's gonna be homeless.
I'm sorry, Raj.
We really just don't have the space.
What if he lives in your garage? What if you stop helping?! Guys, I'm not living in a garage! Wait.
Why are we talking about our place when Sheldon's old room is sitting there perfectly empty? That's a great idea.
Raj, if you need a place to stay, of course you are welcome here.
Thank you, but if I'm gonna just take advantage of my friends, I might as well keep on relying on my father.
Okay, only if you're sure.
(quietly): Whew.
(knocking) SHELDON: Amy? (knocking) Amy? (knocking) Amy? Yeah? Not exactly the welcome wagon, but I'll take it.
What is this? I'm mapping basic topics of conversation and with whom they can be discussed.
I call these circles “Zones of Privacy”" Don't Google that unless you want to see pictures of people's genitals.
This circle contains only me and you.
It represents subjects we only share with each other-- details of physical intimacy, bathroom habits.
Although, as I'm saying it, I may need to add Dr.
Fink in here.
Are you really worried about revealing secrets to Stephen Hawking? No, I was just excited to list him as a friend.
Well, I do appreciate you working on this.
I'm sorry you were embarrassed.
And now I understand that some things are just between you and me, and in the event of redness and swelling, Dr.
What's that little dot in the middle? That's reserved for thoughts I don't share with anyone.
You really have secrets you don't tell me? Of course.
Can I hear one? No, they're private.
Why? Are they naughty? A little.
Please? Fine.
Two years ago I got my driver's license.
What?! Why didn't you say anything?! I like being chauffeured around.
It makes me feel important.
So when I got up at 4:00 a.
to drive you across the desert to an antique train museum, I didn't have to? No, you didn't.
But keep in mind, I felt extremely important.
(line ringing) (beep) What?! Hello, Father.
We need to talk.
All right.
I have come to an important decision.
I will not be accepting your money anymore.
I'm a man, and I can take care of myself.
That's wonderful! Yes, that is wonderful! You will no longer be able to accuse me of being spoiled! I am so proud of you.
Dad, I'm trying to tell you off, and you're ruining it with your delight and relief.
Oh, no, my grown son is going to stop spending all my money.
Where did I fail as a father?! Yeah, that's right.
Keep asking yourself that! But I still love you very much, so don't cut me out of the will.
Oh, you brought your own lunch.
Good for you.
Yeah, I'm making a bunch of changes.
This morning, I fired my dog walker.
How's the dog gonna go to the bathroom? Uh, I gave her an Imodium.
That's tomorrow's problem.
Excuse me.
May I have your attention, please? I have recently been made aware that my personal relationship with Amy Farrah Fowler has become water cooler gossip.
And I just want to say, shame on all of you.
We're scientists.
Our minds should be focused on the advancement of human knowledge, not the intimate details of other people's lives.
He's right.
And I'm sorry for the part I played in this.
Thank you, Bert.
You're a good man.
That woman who stood you up and humiliated you last night really missed out.
That doesn't paint me in the best light.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Correction: That woman not only had vigorous coitus with Bert she also tipped him a dollar for a job well done.
- That better? - Not really.
All right, well, to sum up-- focus on science, keep your nose out of other people's business, and, uh, whoa, for a good time, call Bert.
What brought that on? (sighs) Well, last night Amy was angry with me because I'd been foolishly telling people about certain personal matters.
That's understandable.
Oh, I know that now.
At first, I thought she was cranky because of her horrific menstrual cramps, but it turns out, no, she was genuinely mortified.

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