Big Bang Theory s11e13 Episode Script

The Solo Oscillation

1 Hey! Look what I got everybody.
Newspapers? Did you find a portal back to the 1990s? No.
If he had that, he'd be trying to prevent NSYNC from breaking up.
Oh, please.
I'm glad they broke up.
Otherwise, Justin would never have brought sexy back.
One thing you can't get on an iPad, (inhales) the smell of ink and paper.
One more reason iPads are better.
They reviewed my planetarium show.
It's on page three of the Arts and Leisure section.
Oh, look, they still have Far Side.
Oh, I don't get that one.
Oh, he's pushing when he should be pulling.
I don't think he belongs in that gifted school, then.
What are you doing? Making a boat.
When I was a kid, my dad showed me how.
Boy, you'll do anything to avoid reading.
Guys, it's under “Things to do this weekend.
” I can't find it.
What does it say? That it's a thing to do this weekend.
That's great, Raj.
You know, while we're bragging, The Journal of Prosthetic Medicine just wrote up the project that Howard and I are working on.
Well, you didn't tell me that.
Oh, it just came out.
It's just a little blurb.
Oh, well, good for you.
You know, Bert and I have started isolating zircons from meteorites for our dark matter search.
Well, how nice.
Everyone's doing impressive work.
What have you been working on these days? Whoa, whoa.
Where'd that come from? Where did what come from? (stammers) I try to be supportive, and you break out the hot lights and the rubber hose.
I just asked what you've been working on.
Oh, my God, let it go.
Do you believe this guy? I did it! See? It's a it's a boat.
It's also a hat.
Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state Then nearly 14 billion years ago, expansion started-- Wait! The Earth began to cool The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools We built the Wall We built the pyramids Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery That all started with a big bang Bang! The Big Bang Theory 11x13 The Solo Oscillation Okay, how do you want to play this? Do you want to pretend like nothing's bothering you and blow up later, or do you just want to be a maniac right now? Nothing is bothering me.
Be that way.
If you want to talk, I'll be flushing my sinuses.
I have a confession.
When I berated Leonard, it was a clever ruse to conceal the fact that I'm not working on anything.
Well, I think I speak for everyone when I say, “No!” The truth is I have nothing of interest to pursue.
Well, maybe this is the perfect opportunity to take some time for yourself and refocus.
I'm sure you'll find something you're excited about.
Thank you, Amy.
I don't know what I'd do without you.
Hey, can I stay here? Sheldon kicked me out.
Well, is everything okay? Yeah.
He just wants some alone time to work.
Make yourself at home.
We were just about to watch a little TV.
You're welcome to join us.
I'll be right with you.
I just have to, uh, do my neti pot.
So what are you guys gonna watch? Okay.
Hey, uh, what do you think we should open our show with? Uh, “Thor and Doctor Jones” or “Let's Get Astrophysical”? I don't know.
I think we should start with something that gets them up on their feet.
Maybe “Sherlock Around the Clock.
” Great, yeah.
Uh, let's give it a try.
(playing rock music) BERNADETTE (over monitor): Halley's napping! Keep it down! Oh.
It's cool.
We don't need volume to rock.
Instead of blowing the roof off this place, we can gently lift it off and set it quietly down in the backyard.
(whispering): Okay.
One, two, three, four.
(playing quietly) (quietly): Holmes said to Watson On Baker Street Come on, Doctor Time to move them feet (whispers): Sing it with us.
Sherlock, Sherlock Sherlock around the clock (whispers): We can't hear you.
Sherlock, Sherlock Sherlock around the clock (Halley crying) BERNADETTE: Nice going.
I'll get her.
One sec.
(Halley continues crying) BERNADETTE: You bought diapers, right? Be right back.
(whispers): Rock and roll! Okay.
Scratch paper, check.
Whiteboard, check.
Chex Mix, check.
And here we go.
(grunts) (ringtone playing) Oh, dang it.
Hello, Mother.
Hi there, Shelly.
You will never believe who I ran into at the barbecue festival.
I am right in the middle of some very important work.
I don't have time for this right now.
Then why did you answer the phone? Because you raised me to be polite.
Now stop bothering me.
Hello again.
Who did you see at the barbecue festival? Mr.
Really? You called me and interrupted my work to tell me that you ran into somebody you could plausibly run into? I'm sorry, Mother, I really need to focus here.
I will speak to you next week.
Okay, sweetheart.
I'll talk to you then.
(sighs) I thought Mr.
Watkins moved to Florida.
He did.
He was back visiting his son.
Oh, gosh darn it, that is interesting.
Was it Tommy or Joe? I bet it was Joe, 'cause he and Tommy had a falling out over that time-share.
You guys do anything fun after dinner? Well, actually Amy came back over and we hung out.
Did you know that we're both spelling bee champs? We stayed up for hours trying to stump each other.
Who won? Oh, she thought she had me with “appoggiatura,” but I shut that down expeditiously.
I bet that made Penny take off all of her clothes.
Put her pajamas on and then go to bed early.
At, like, 9:00.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Oh, are we still on for band practice this evening? Oh, shoot.
I promised I would take Halley over to Bernadette's parents.
Dude, the gig is, like, next weekend.
I know.
I'm sorry.
(sighs) I really want to do this, but I just don't think I have the time.
I-I guess I'll have to cancel.
Toby Greenbaum will have to become a man without us.
Too bad, you guys kill at bar mitzvahs.
And other events that people can't leave.
I don't want to be the one who breaks up the band.
You know, maybe you should (chuckles) think about replacing me.
I mean, I know it'll be hard since we Oh, I bet Bert could do it.
He plays guitar.
I'm gonna go ask him.
I guess he forgot that I play the cello.
I-I don't think he did.
Okay, I think it's ready.
Should we put on safety goggles? Well, the funnest fun is the safest fun, so yes.
Oh, Amy, you're here again.
Yeah, Sheldon said he needed another night to work, so I said I'd give him some space.
So what's all this? Well, Amy and I were talking about old science fair projects, and how fun it would be to recreate them.
We're making hot ice.
It's pretty cool.
(chuckles) Nice one.
Turns out we both did this as our science fair projects in ninth grade.
Do you remember any of your high school projects? Uh, well, I remember telling Jenny Runyon that I would teach her how to flirt with boys if she put my name on her project.
I got an “A,” she got pregnant.
Girls like you are why I had to come straight home after school.
Check this out.
PENNY: Wow, that's amazing.
LEONARD: Mm-hmm.
The crystallization is an exothermic process, so the ice is actually hot.
I won first place for this.
So did I.
I threw Jenny's baby shower.
Oh, hey, in seventh grade, I built a cobra wave.
You want to do that? Oh, we can come up with a wave speed formula, and see how accurately we can predict the amplitude.
Wow, I didn't think anything could top last night's spelling bee, but here comes math.
I'm sorry, we-we don't have to do more experiments.
Let's do something we can all enjoy.
Hey, uh, you want to watch that show you like where people want to buy a house and then they do? No, no, you guys do your experiments.
I'll go pick up dinner.
Are you sure? Yeah, you're having science fun, and I don't want to interfere, or watch you.
Did I actually do it? I did.
I did.
The answer is one in 18 million.
What is? The odds of you running into Mr.
Oh, Shelly.
I have bad news.
Watkins passed this morning.
Oh, I'm-I'm sorry.
I know.
What are the odds of that? Call you back.
LEONARD: Now let's calculate the amplitude! AMY: All right! Sheldon? Sheldon? Sheldon? It's annoying when you do it.
I brought pizza.
Oh, thank you.
I have been working pretty hard.
I-I could use a break.
What's that? Oh, yeah, that is an experiment to see how many parallelograms I could draw while holding my breath.
Is that where you blacked out? No, actually, that's where I blacked out.
And this? That is a list of all the different types of natural disasters.
“Fire-quake”? I made that one up.
Which I shouldn't have, because now I'm scared of it.
Hey, I thought you were working on actual science.
I am.
I'm trying to come up with a new approach to dark matter, but people keep distracting me.
First, my mother kept answering the phone when I called, even though she knew I was busy.
And now you show up with my favorite shape of food-- a circle made of triangles served in a square box.
Maybe I'll just eat this in the laundry room.
No, no.
You don't have to go, as long as you sit quietly and don't say anything.
(clears throat) Mmm.
Are you mocking me? Hey, you want to hear one of my geology songs? So it's about rocks? Better.
It's about a boulder.
Isn't that the same thing? Far from it.
A boulder has a diameter greater than 25.
6 centimeters.
Is that fact in the song? No.
It's sung from the viewpoint of the boulder that chases Indiana Jones.
That's right up our alley.
Let's hear it.
(playing rock music) Alone in my temple in the middle of Peru A giant stone ball with nothing much to do But if you steal my idol I will roll right over you 'Cause I'm six tons of granite and micaceous schist Yeah, I'm six tons of granite and BOTH: Micaceous schist Yeah, I'm six tons of granite and, uh, micaceous schist Yeah, I'm six tons of granite And, uh, micaceous schist Yeah, I'm six So, I think if we want to predict the height of the wave, we need to use elasticity theory and model the lattice as one continuous flexible piece.
This is fun.
Playing with Popsicle sticks, exploring ways to store kinetic energy.
It's like preschool all over again.
Except now if I eat paste, it's because I want to, not because Craig Schultz is making me.
Hey, can I ask you a question? Is it, “Where was the teacher?” She was in the bathroom smoking, that's where.
It wasn't, but I'm glad to see you've moved on.
I was gonna ask if being married felt any different.
Uh not really.
That probably wasn't the answer you were looking for.
No, actually it is.
I mean, Sheldon and I are in a really great place right now, and I just, I don't want anything to mess that up.
You do remember you're here because he kicked you out of your apartment? Yes.
His work is important to him.
It's one of the things I find the sexiest about him.
Well, that and Aah! his butt.
And then I was thinking about inventing a new dark matter particle to evade the omega baryon constraints, but that just seems like something anyone could come up with.
(clears throat) You know what's blowing my mind? Somebody thought about putting cheese in this crust.
I just wish I could find something that excites me.
You do understand that crust doesn't normally come with cheese in it? Okay, all right, look.
What got you excited about dark matter in the first place? Well, I left string theory, which I'd been working on for a long time, and everyone was talking about how cool dark matter was, and I thought, “Well, sure, I'll give that a whirl”" So it's your rebound science? What's that? Well, not the science you spend the rest of your life with, but the one you use to make yourself feel pretty again.
Well, if I'm being honest, I never forgot about string theory.
It's remarkable.
It's the closest we've come to a theory of everything, something even Einstein couldn't figure out.
Well, if he couldn't figure it out, maybe it's just wrong.
But it's so elegant.
I mean, look, string theory posits that the fundamental particles we see in three dimensions are actually strings embedded in multidimensional space-time.
So that would mean that Can't do this by myself, buddy.
(keyboard keys clacking rapidly) What is happening? I was trying not to wake you.
Did it work? Sorry.
I just realized, now that I'm not in the band, I can focus on my own music.
You know? Go solo.
You said you were taking a break from the band to help with me and the baby.
Yes, and write an astronaut musical.
Picture this.
The curtain opens.
There's a lone astronaut floating in the inky blackness of space.
Maybe wires, maybe fog.
I'll let the director figure that out.
I really don't know when I'll run out of oxy gen.
Good news! I'm back in the band! So, Bernadette doesn't mind? It was her idea! So it's sort of like a guitar string, but instead of making an actual sound, each vibration is a different particle.
And when you express it in 11 dimensions, Einstein's relativity equations pop out.
Does that sound like a coincidence? It does not.
That's what I think.
So, so, did we do it? Did we just solve string theory? Oh.
(laughs) I appreciate your enthusiasm, but this is not the sort of thing we can figure out in a night.
People have been stuck on this for decades.
Well, decades? Really? It's-it's a string.
How hard can it be? It's straight, it's in a loop, it gets knotted up with other strings.
Uh Well, actually there are no knots in anything greater than four dimensions.
Ooh, unless we get around that by considering them as sheets.
You know, topologically speaking, that has a lot of interesting possibilities.
See? How long did that take me, like a minute? Thought you were getting us dinner.
I had to stop at Sheldon's and help him solve string theory.
What? Yeah, turns out the answer's knots.
That's cute, but you can't have knots in more than four dimensions.
Mm, you can if you consider them sheets.
Good night.
What up, my Hebrews and She-brews?! We are Footprints on the Moon.
KOOTHRAPPALI: Toby, today you are a man, and you will face many obstacles in life.
And some of those obstacles are gonna feel like boulders.
This first song is about the greatest boulder in the history of cinema.
One, two, three.
(rock music playing) Alone in my temple in the middle of Peru A giant stone ball with nothing to do But if you steal my idol I will roll right over you 'Cause I'm six tons of granite And micaceous schist Yeah, I'm six tons of granite And micaceous schist (shouting): I'm gonna crush you, I'm gonna mush you You took my idol, I'm homicidal Gonna roll over you till your brains come out And your bones will crunch and your blood will spout! I'm not just a rock, baby.
I'm a boulder.
(yelling wildly) 'Cause I'm six tons of granite And micaceous schist Yeah, I'm six tons of granite And micaceous schist Yeah, I'm six tons of granite
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