Big Bang Theory s11e21 Episode Script

The Comet Polarization

1 WOLOWITZ: What are you doing? Pigeon check for Sheldon.
North side's all clear! Great.
Let's look at some planets! Hey, why'd you lug your telescope all the way over here? Leonard has one in our apartment.
Yeah, I'm gonna use Leonard's.
Might as well hold my hand up like this and squint.
I don't know.
It seemed pretty good.
You know, once when the cable went out, I watched an entire episode of The Bachelor on a TV across the street.
This one's more of a professional model.
So was the girl he picked! This baby's got a ten-inch diameter with f/10 ACF optics.
WOLOWITZ: And tonight Mercury is at its highest elongation.
It makes far-away things seem close, and Mercury is a planet.
I know Mercury is a planet.
But the-the other thing was helpful.
Oh.
Look at that.
- Neil Gaiman tweeted about my store! - What did he say? Uh, "Next time you're in Pasadena, "check out The Comic Center.
"Great vibe, old school, the owner really knows his stuff.
" Isn't that amazing? Well, uh, it's no Sandman, but I guess we can't expect everything he writes to be a masterpiece.
When was he in your store? I have no idea.
I think I would remember that.
Obviously, vibranium is the most powerful metal in comics.
What, more powerful than adamantium? He's right.
Wolverine's claws, Ultron's outer shell.
Need I go on? You don't need to, but you probably will.
What about Wonder Woman's bracelets? Good point.
Strong as a metal and fierce as a fashion choice.
GAIMAN: You know, Thor's hammer's pretty powerful, and in the comics, it's made out of enchanted uru.
Uh, yeah, I think it's the enchantment that's powerful, not the uru, but, uh, thanks for playing.
Oh, man, I can't believe Neil Gaiman came in, and we weren't even there.
The Big Bang Theory 11x21 The Comet Polarization Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started Wait! The Earth began to cool The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools We built the Wall We built the pyramids Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery That all started with a big bang Bang! Can you see Mercury? Can you see it? One second.
You know, the Greek version of Mercury, Hermes, was worshipped in Athens by the carving of giant wooden phalluses.
Please, Amy, get your mind out of the ancient Athenian gutter.
Got another follower.
I'm blowing up.
Great.
How many does that make? High double digits.
The nineties? Mid double digits.
KOOTHRAPPALI: Hey, uh, Penny, do you want to check this out? Yeah, sure.
All right, just, uh, look through here, and if you want to take a picture, just push that button.
Okay.
Oh, what is that? (gasps) Is it Mercury? I'm really jonesing for Mercury.
I think it's a little early for Mercury to be visible yet.
Playing hard to get.
I like that in a planet.
No, there's something fuzzy.
Is it your teen years? No.
Yes.
Shut up.
Look.
Look at that.
I think I see something.
It could just be your eyelash.
It's not an eyelash! Okay, well, uh, take a picture.
Let's see.
Okay.
Here.
Hmm.
I do see something.
(gasps) Told you.
What is it? I don't know.
Maybe it's a comet.
That would be so cool.
STUART: You guys want to see a real star, look over here.
What? I just got retweeted by Patton Oswalt's brother.
(crowd chatter) So, this is really where Neil Gaiman shops? Neil Gaiman, Nicolas Cage, Natalie Portman.
The list goes on.
They all come here? Unless I'm lying.
Who are all these people? What? Is this a flash mob? Are they dancing? I don't know what today's dancing looks like.
Hey, guys.
That tweet actually got people to come in.
Isn't that great? No.
I liked the way the store was before.
You mean empty and sad? Yes, it was perfect.
Like a funeral home that sells Pokémon cards.
What am I supposed to do now if I want to hang out and read a comic book? Go sit on the couch.
Next to a stranger? If I'm going to sit, read, and ignore a woman, it's going to be my fiancée.
Why are you being such a baby about the crowds? You go to Comic-Con.
You-- I'm sorry.
You're comparing this place to Comic-Con? Well, can I go to the bathroom here next to a Wookiee who got his zipper stuck in his fur? Wow.
We go to Comic-Con for different reasons.
You know what? Just give me a copy of Action Comics 1000, and I'll be on my way.
Sorry.
All out.
Now you just let people come in and buy them? I didn't realize your soul was also for sale.
STUART: Well, it wasn't, but, uh, make me an offer.
(phone chimes) Who is that? Sheldon.
Who is he mad at? Neil Gaiman.
Who's that? Not us.
Great.
(knocking) Guys.
Hi.
Hey.
So, guess what.
That indeed was a comet last night, and it turns out, no one's seen it before.
(laughing): Wow.
Really? Look at that! I discovered a comet! Oh! What do you mean you discovered it? Well, I'm the one who saw it.
In my telescope that I positioned.
All you did was look into it.
Well, you both discovered it.
You can put both your names on the registration form.
Actually, we can't.
Why not? Because when I filled it out, it asked for name of discoverer, and I put "Rajesh Koothrappali" because because that's who I am, and that's what I did.
Are you kidding me? Well, he is the one who knew it was a comet.
No, he didn't.
He thought it was an eyelash! And you thought it was a fuzzy streak.
I mean, do you even know what a comet is? Yeah, the thing I saw first.
I honestly don't think that that qualifies as a discovery.
But I took the picture.
Because I told you to! Like, if a monkey took the picture, did it discover the comet? Excuse me?! (stammering): Uh, he didn't mean monkey.
- Get the hell out of my apartment! - And she didn't mean that.
Actually, I think she did.
You should go.
You look great.
Oh, thanks.
Would you believe this is actually a dress from before I was pregnant? Well, it's not a competition, but I wore this suit to my Bar Mitzvah.
Where's Stuart? I told him we had a 6:30 reservation.
Well, I'll call him.
(ringtone plays) Comic Center, where the real superhero is you.
Stuart, you're supposed to be babysitting.
Oh! Shoot.
That was tonight.
I forgot.
The store's been really busy.
Well, when can you get here? Um, I don't think I can.
Listen to this.
I-I was ringing up a customer, and I heard someone say, "Hey, there's a line," and I looked, and there was.
Come on.
You can't do this to us.
I am really sorry.
I will make it up to you.
But it won't be with a Val Kilmer Batman figurine (laughing): because some sucker's buying that right now.
(laughs) Not you.
This is great.
He says he has to work.
Oh, it's okay.
We can have date night another night.
But you got all dressed up.
We were supposed to have dinner and romance.
We'll just have to divide and conquer.
I'll go to dinner, and you can stay home with the Internet and have romance.
Okay, look, I Googled it.
I took the picture, so it's my discovery.
(scoffs) He stole my comet.
I know, but on the other hand, do you really care? Yes, I care.
This happens to me all the time.
People take one look at me and assume I don't know what I'm talking about.
Oh, I'm sure that's not true.
I'm sorry.
Are you saying I don't know what I'm talking about? No, I'm not saying anything ever again.
Look, I'm serious.
The other day at work, I had this great idea, but no one was listening to me.
And then five minutes later, Paul said the same thing, and they practically carried him around the room.
Oh, well, what was it? Well, CPK for lunch, but that's just one example.
It also happens with all the doctors I have to deal with.
You know, they're so condescending.
I'm so sick of letting this stuff slide.
I found that comet.
Why should I let Raj say he found it? I know you're right, but he is our friend, and this could be good for his career.
Okay, so you agree with me, but he still gets his way? Ah, there you go.
Everybody wins.
My God, you're such a people-pleaser.
You can't stand making anyone angry.
Why would I want to make anyone angry? 'Cause it would mean you were on my side.
Oh, I am on your side.
Hey, hey.
Let's not forget who you're really mad at here-- Raj.
Oh, and Paul.
Paul sucks, right? But don't tell him I said that.
Hey, Howard, did you see that? (shrieks) I'm over here, Sheldon.
That was a close one.
I almost went home with that guy.
You doing okay? Do we need to go? No, I'm fine.
I admit all these people did take me by surprise at first, but I've learned that I can accept change.
S-Since when? I managed it when Amy switched her shampoo from Prell to Prell for oily hair.
Hmm? Although I do miss the way her head used to slide off the pillow.
May I help you? Who are you? Oh, I'm Denise, the new assistant manager.
Nope.
Can you believe it? In the past decade, I have spent thousands of dollars in that store, and this is the thanks I get.
You're right.
I mean, he could at least get you a mug.
He gave me a mug.
What do you think I'm drinking out of? Do you even pay attention? Honestly, less and less.
Amy, the comic book store is like my version of the country in Black Panther.
Okay, I'm afraid this is gonna get really offensive to certain groups.
The nation of Wakanda was a hidden gem, and they wanted to keep it that way, because they knew if they opened it up to the world, everything that was special about it would get ruined.
Are you done? Yes.
(relieved sigh): Oh, okay.
That both made sense and wasn't offensive.
And to make things worse, Stuart hired some woman.
There we go.
No I'm not annoyed that she's a woman.
I'm annoyed, and she's a woman.
No, I get that.
I'm annoyed and I'm a woman.
It's just, Stuart knows my likes and dislikes.
And I can count on his discretion if I pick up the occasional back issue of Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen.
Which I don't.
Well, don't think of her as a stranger.
Just think of her as a a friend you haven't berated, lectured or condescended to yet.
I hadn't thought of it that way.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
You're wise, and you smell like books.
You really are the whole package.
Raj, just help me out.
Penny's pretty mad about this comet thing.
Well, I'm sorry she's upset.
But she didn't discover it.
Oh, come on, you know she was a part of it.
Just add her name to the registration.
But I already told everyone at work that I did it.
My boss was so excited, he started calling me Captain Comet.
Which is better than his last nickname for me: Dr.
Doughnuts.
Because one time I had two doughnuts.
And two times I had three doughnuts.
I guess you're just gonna have to swallow your pride.
I, I, I can't do that.
Sure you can-- just pretend it's two or three doughnuts.
You don't understand.
Leonard, I need this.
My last big discovery was: if you press your upper lip hard enough, you can block a sneeze.
I told you that.
(groans) This is all my fault.
I brought this upon myself.
(smacks lips) I'm a bad scientist.
I'm a selfish person.
No, no, don't get upset.
You're not a bad person.
Just let me talk to Penny.
I'm-I'm sure I can make her understand.
Thank you.
You're a good friend, Leonard.
I'm glad you think so, 'cause I may be living here soon.
Just look at her over there.
She just started, and she gets to put up "Staff Picks.
" I've been coming here for ten years-- I still can't put up "Sheldon Dislikes.
" I talked to her yesterday.
She really seems to know her stuff.
Challenge accepted.
That is not what that was.
Excuse me.
I was wondering if you could recommend something.
Oh, sure.
You want to tell me what you like? I would not.
All right, well, you're wearing a Green Lantern shirt, so I'm guessing you're a DC fan.
Although that's from the Alan Scott era, so you're probably not super into the current run.
How would you feel about an alternate history where World War I was fought with dragons and magic? That's what I wanted the theme of my tenth birthday party to be! Here.
Check this out.
It's by Kurt Busiek.
GAIMAN: You know, if you're interested in alternate histories, Neil Gaiman wrote one called 1602.
I'm sorry, we're in the middle of something here.
It is pretty good, actually.
He takes the Marvel superheroes and he puts them into Elizabethan England.
Let me guess-- everyone thinks the X-Men are witches.
Yeah.
Why don't you take this home, and if you don't like it, return it and I'll give you your money back.
Just don't tell Stuart.
Stuart who? Hey.
Where have you been? I went to yell at Raj.
And? Is he gonna give me back my comet? Interesting thing.
Did you cave? Maybe I did, or maybe I did.
But I did realize something.
I-I don't need to fight your battles.
You you are a strong and independent woman.
You have your own voice.
And, to quote another strong woman, Katy Perry, it's time to hear you roar.
Did you just think of that on your way home? What do you want from me? The song was on in the car.
But it doesn't mean that it's not true.
Well, you make a good point.
I'm gonna go talk to Raj myself.
I know I don't say it enough, but you go, girl.
That was enough.
What's all this? Well, we missed our date night, and Stuart's working again, so I thought we could have a date night here at home.
(clicks tongue) Aw, that's so sweet.
Oh.
So is that really what you're wearing to our date night? Well, Stuart's not here and the kids are sleeping.
I could wear nothing.
You might want to hold off on that-- we're starting with soup.
(laughs) Hey! Wha? I thought you were working late again.
I was, but Denise has got it covered.
Oh.
Oh the funniest thing happened today.
You know the, uh, receipt tape in the cash register? It ran out.
(chuckles) I didn't even know it could do that.
You know, we were just sitting down to dinner.
Oh.
Perfect timing.
I'll go wash up.
There goes date night.
Are you kidding? Stuart's here! Get your purse.
We're going out.
What about the dinner you made? Right.
Hey, Stuart! That can of soup sitting by the stove, that's for you! You made canned soup for date night? And you wore sweatpants.
Let's go.
Oh, and it turns out Denise is also really excited for Dan Slott's run on Iron Man, because he was her favorite Spider-Man writer, too.
How about that? Oh! And guess who goes to art school right here in Pasadena.
Hmm.
I don't know.
Denise? You're a good guesser, Amy.
Not as good as Denise, though.
She thought I would like this comic, Arrowsmith, and she was right.
Well, was the store crowded? I bet it was.
I know you hate that.
It was.
But if it weren't for the crowds, Stuart never would have hired Denise, and she's the best.
You must be Denise.
Oh, yeah.
How can I help you? I'm Amy, Sheldon's fiancée.
Oh.
I got to be honest, I wasn't a hundred percent sure you were real.
Oh, I am.
And I heard you and Sheldon had a great time today talking about comic books.
We did.
Great.
Here's what's gonna happen.
You're gonna teach me how to do that.
Do what? Pretend to like comic books.
Oh, no, I actually like comic books.
All right, let's not get hung up on semantics.
It's late, we got a lot of work to do.
(loud footsteps approaching) (knocking) I'm sorry.
I haven't even said anything yet.
I know, but I heard your footsteps coming up the stairs, and they sounded angry.
They are angry.
I'm mad at you.
And you have every right to be, okay? I was being I was being a jerk.
We did this together, and I hogged all of the credit.
And after you've been such a good friend to me over the years.
Like, I wouldn't even be able to talk to women if it wasn't for you, so so I'm I'm gonna make sure that your name is on the comet.
Thank you.
Even if it's professionally embarrassing.
You know, or maybe put me on thin ice at work.
I may lose my funding.
I still, uh still want to make this right.
Good.
Bye.
That worked way better with Leonard.
(door opens) - Hello.
- Hi.
Why are you reading a comic book? Denise recommended it to me.
It's the Rebirth Omnibus.
She thought it would be a good entry point for me into the DC Universe-- and I have to say, - I really do like - You know, Amy, Amy, I've talked a lot about comic books lately, can we talk about something else?