Big Bang Theory s12e05 Episode Script

The Planetarium Collision

1 Recently, 12 new moons were discovered orbiting Jupiter, bringing the total up to 79.
As a middle child myself, I'd like to extend my sympathies to moons two through 78.
Your grandpa will never learn your name.
I'd like to thank you for joining me on this journey (laughs) through the stars.
If you enjoyed this lecture, please come back Thursday for the exact same one.
Do I look like I just woke up? No.
I'm gonna go say hey to Raj.
What were you guys giggling about? They were passing notes to each other.
Oh-ho, love notes? If you love math.
And we do.
It's for our super-asymmetry theory.
Yeah, Amy and I have been having so much fun collaborating together.
Well, you know what they say, you never collaborate as much as your first year of marriage.
- Hey, great show.
- Thanks.
Oh, Howard, uh, this is Andrea.
She's the director of the planetarium.
Nice to meet you.
I'm Howard Wolowitz.
Engineer, husband, father (chuckles) astronaut.
Really? You're an astronaut? Well, I don't like to brag.
Hmm, yeah, but somehow, you manage.
Raj, you should have Howard join you for one of your shows.
Oh, that might be fun.
But-- it might be, but with two small children at home and a full-time job, I'm sure you're too busy.
No, I could find the time.
Well, you don't have to decide right now.
It's okay, I He can't do it.
Hey, hurry up, guys.
The gift shop's closing, and Amy said I can get one big thing or two little things.
The Big Bang Theory 12x05 The Planetarium Collision Original Air Da Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started Wait! The Earth began to cool The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools We built the Wall We built the pyramids Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery That all started with a big bang Bang! So I'm gonna place the sensory isolation helmet on you for about five minutes.
All you need to do is sit still and relax.
What do I do if I start to get claustrophobic? Oh, the helmet will sense that and stop the experiment.
Really? No, but that would be cool, wouldn't it? Amy, are you busy? I've got a subject wired up for a sensory study.
So Yes, I'm busy.
I'm tracking a subject's brain activity in real time as we introduce olfactory stimuli.
I'm smelling baby powder.
That's just my husband.
Well, I had a thought about our super-asymmetry theory.
Let me show you this one thing.
Well, I-I want to see it, but not when I'm in the middle of an experiment.
Still baby powder! Boy, he is annoying.
Do any of those buttons shock him? Look, I'm really excited about our paper, too, but I've got a lot of my own work to catch up on, so let's talk later.
Okay, I'll just say one more thing: lambda calculus.
And if that wets your whistle, you know where to find me.
You okay? You seem distracted.
I'm-I'm just thinking about Raj.
I'm thinking about Chris Hemsworth.
Let's go.
He sort of hurt my feelings.
(quietly): Biceps, hammer, abs.
Still in it.
Why wouldn't he want me to be in his planetarium show? And it's gone.
Sorry, it's just the director of the planetarium thought it'd be fun for me to join Raj for one of his shows, and he made it clear that he didn't want me to.
Of course he wouldn't want you to.
I mean, think about it.
If you were him, would you want to share the stage with a sexy-ass astronaut? I don't know.
How sexy are we talking? Oh, you know, tight pants, huge biceps, magic hammer.
- Wait, w-who are we talk - Shh, I'm back in it.
SHELDON: (stammers) The fundamental problem with elementary quantum mechanical formalism is that the Fourier transform extends to minus infinity in time.
Hey, don't dumb this down for me.
Penny, I'm Late for that thing.
See you.
Leonard! Oh, Sheldon.
Didn't see you there.
What's up? Well, uh, he was excited to talk science with Amy, but she was working late, so he decided to come over and share it with me.
With me, Leonard.
With me.
Sheldon, we've talked about this.
You can't go around boring other people's wives.
PENNY: Yeah.
I already got a man for that.
- Yeah, you do.
- Yeah.
It's just, I've just been enjoying my collaboration with Amy, but ever since we got back from our honeymoon, she has so little time.
Well, she does have her own job.
Yeah, but it's so dull.
Trying to understand how the brain translates the five senses into biochemical information.
I'd rather wait in line without my phone.
Okay, well, Leonard's here now.
You can talk science with him.
Where you going? Oh, that thing you were late for.
One of us should really be there.
Got a sec? Sure.
What's up? I just want to let you know I get why you don't want me to be a part of the planetarium show.
Oh, great.
Thanks for stopping by.
You don't want to talk about the stars next to an actual astronaut.
That would be like doing karaoke with a rock star.
First of all, I've totally done karaoke with a rock star.
Or are you forgetting when the Spin Doctors handed me the mic at the Orange County Fair? Listen, I understand you being intimidated, but I can't help that I'm proud of being an astronaut.
It's a big deal.
Oh, it certainly is, but I also happen to be very accomplished in my field.
So you have no reason to be scared of sharing the spotlight.
I may be scared of heights and spiders and showing up at a costume party that turns out to be a regular party, but I am not scared of sharing the spotlight with you! What's happening? I just stormed out for dramatic effect.
I Actually, I-I don't have anywhere to go.
President Siebert, how much do you know about physics? I'm a physicist.
I would not have guessed that.
I have a doctorate from Indiana University.
Oh, that makes more sense.
Well, don't worry, I'll go slow.
Thank you.
Fowler and I have been working on a theory of super-asymmetry that could reconcile the lack of observation of supersymmetry in a world still governed by string theory.
So you're taking the paradigms of supersymmetry, but removing the limitations of obeying the Poincaré algebra.
Well, aren't you just the pride of Bloomington? What do you want, Sheldon? Dr.
Fowler has found herself distracted by the commitments in her own lab.
It would be a great help to both of us if you could free her up from her other projects.
I'm confused.
Yeah, well, there's that Indiana.
This is physics research.
Fowler's a neuroscientist.
Y-Yes, but her insights into the very ways we conceptualize symmetry and asymmetry have been invaluable.
- Dr.
Cooper - L-Look, I know what you're thinking, that "they're newlyweds, how are they gonna keep their hands off of each other?" Let me assure you, we will not engage in workplace coitus.
Okay, if I won't put a bagel on my desk, I'm certainly not putting Amy's bare bottom.
I-I must say, I do not enjoy our talks.
Park, may I help you? Actually, yes, do you have any better notes on this project? I'm having a hard time reading your handwriting.
Oh, uh, allow me to rephrase that.
What the hell are you doing in my lab? I'm sorry, I was reassigned to this project.
I was told you were taking a temporary sabbatical to focus on other work.
N-No, that-that's crazy.
This is my research.
- Oh, Amy, there you are.
- No, not Not now, Sheldon, I'm dealing with an epic screwup, and when I find out who's responsible, they're gonna get an earful.
All right, well, when you're done, let me know, I've got some exciting news.
I'm sorry, I'm confused.
President Siebert said you were focusing on some important physics work and I should take over your lab in the interim.
Uh, hey, that was my exciting news.
All right, I'm gonna tell you again.
Pretend you haven't heard it.
You got me removed from my own project? Yeah, and it wasn't easy.
Apparently, you're very difficult to replace.
Hey, just between you and me, they consider Dr.
Park quite the step down.
I was trying to pick my moment to leave.
This seems like it.
Banker's hours.
No wonder you're not on the tenure track.
Sheldon, you had no right.
What-- I thought you said you were spread too thin.
You said that you wished you had more time to focus on our research.
I thought I was helping.
Well, you're not.
I mean, I have years invested in this work, and now someone's gonna come in and take it over? I mean, how would you feel if I let Leonard take over your super-asymmetry project? (laughs) That's funny.
Oh, he'd be like a puppy with a microscope.
(laughs) (chuckles) If I had a nickel for every time a charity sent me a nickel.
Really? That's gonna be our whole life, huh? If my father's any guide, around 50, I start to lose my hearing and get two new jokes.
(knock on door) - Hey.
- Hey.
I brought Chinese.
Oh, that's a nice surprise.
What's the occasion? Please, I don't need a reason to bring food to my friends.
But you have one, don't you? Yeah, I need your help.
All right, lay it on us.
So, I folded, and I told Howard he could be a part of my planetarium show.
And now I'm worried he's just gonna make the whole thing about himself.
So just tell him you changed your mind and you don't want him to do it.
No, no, then he's gonna think I'm too insecure to share the spotlight with him.
And he'd be right.
I came here for your support.
Well, then, you just walked up three flights of stairs for nothing.
Wait, don't you mean four flights? No, it's actually three.
But we're on the fourth floor.
I mean, you have the lobby, first floor, second, third, fourth.
The lobby's the first floor, so lobby, second, third, fourth.
That does not seem right.
Hello Sorry, Raj, who cares if Howard tries to steal the show? All right? You're great at what you do.
Just be the bigger man.
And if it makes you feel better, Penny and I will come so you'll have a couple of friendly faces in the audience.
Thank you.
That would be nice.
Can you just Sorry, give me a minute? Hey, Raj, if I had a nickel for every time a charity sent me a nickel That's hilarious! I know.
(exhales) It's three, right? Just shut up.
Oh, good, we caught you.
Yes, good.
You had no right to reassign my project.
Yeah, no right at all.
Fowler, I don't understand.
Cooper assured me this is what you wanted.
Oh-oh! Can you believe this guy? Oh, sure, so a couple of men get together behind closed doors to decide the fate of a woman's career.
I thought we'd moved past this.
Sheldon, this is your fault.
Ooh, sounds like the old lady's putting me in the doghouse tonight.
Fowler, you are very important to this university and I would like to sincerely apologize.
So I can have my project back? - I'm afraid it's not that simple.
- Why not? Well, in order to free up personnel Hey, hey, don't go mansplaining things to her.
I don't think that's what he was doing.
Oh, then perhaps you don't understand.
See, mansplaining is when a man explains things to a woman like she's stupid.
So when was the last time you saw Howard in his astronaut uniform? About a week ago.
Really? What was the occasion? Date night.
We do a little role-playing.
What role do you play? (Russian accent): I am Ykatarina Nazdorovya, lonely Russian cosmonaut who is expert at physics and making love.
Okay, that just made the next hour really weird.
Good evening, I am Dr.
Rajesh Koothrappali, and usually I take you on a trip through the stars, but tonight, we'll begin our journey much closer to home, 220 miles straight up to the International Space Station, which is manned by a team of brave men and women.
(Russian accent): Flexible men and women.
Switch with me.
KOOTHRAPPALI: And we are fortunate to have one of those men here with us tonight.
Please welcome to the Griffith Observatory astronaut Howard Joel Wolowitz.
Kak horosho.
- What is she ta - Don't ask.
Thank you, Raj, that was a really nice introduction.
Well, it's from my heart.
So, Howard, you are in an elite group.
Only 232 people have ever been on the International Space Station.
How does that make you feel? Honestly, lucky.
Most astronauts have to train their whole lives.
I was just in the right place at the right time.
Oh, please, luck had nothing to do with it.
You people need to know how impressive this man is.
He was up there because he's the only one qualified to install a piece of equipment that he designed.
Thanks, but if you want to talk impressive, this guy right here discovered a planetary object outside the Kuiper belt.
He worked on the Mars rover.
He helped launch the New Horizons space probe.
He went to space on a Russian rocket.
And I was scared the whole time.
And I was scared for you, but also proud.
I don't think you've ever said that to me before.
I should have, and I'm gonna say it again.
I'm proud of you.
You're my best friend, and I love you.
Aw, Raj, I love you, too.
What is happening? Bring it in, spaceman, you've been cleared for landing.
- Can you believe these two - (crying) - Are you crying? Hello, Sheldon.
Hello, Arthur.
Now, I'm confused, usually when you appear to me in my dreams, we're on the planet Dagobah.
This is Dagobah.
I didn't know that Dagobah had delicatessens.
Not good ones.
Whatever you do, don't order the Reuben.
I'm having a problem in my marriage.
I've upset my wife and I don't know how to make it right.
(chuckles) And you're and you're coming to me for advice? I-I upset my wife every time I woke up in the morning.
I'm not coming to you, you're just a manifestation of my subconscious.
I mean, I'm actually coming to me.
So you know everything I'm going to say.
Yes, but it sounds wiser from you because you're old and glowing.
Rule number one in a marriage: don't go to bed angry.
That makes sense.
Rule number two in a marriage: if you don't recognize the shoes under your bed, they're not your shoes.
Because they're her shoes? (sighs) N-Never mind, just-just go with rule number one.
Thank you, Arthur.
Uh, before you go, can I ask you a question? Of course.
Does this look lean to you? I ordered lean.
Wake up.
What? What's wrong? We can't go to sleep angry with each other.
Why not? It's rule number one.
I'd tell you rule number two, but it's confusing.
Sheldon, go to sleep.
You cut that out! Oh, good, you're up.
Sheldon I just really don't want to talk to you about this right now.
That's fine.
I just need you to know that I feel terrible about what I did and I wasn't being malicious.
No, you were being selfish.
You're being selfish right now 'cause it's really late and I just want to sleep.
No, Professor Proton came to me in my dream and said we can't go to sleep angry.
Are you sure that's what he said? Close your eyes, double-check.
Amy, this is important.
Okay, listen to me.
I love working with you, but you have to understand how scary this is for me.
Why? Because I don't want to get lost in this relationship.
And when you pulled me off my project, it seemed like my biggest fear was coming true, the-the things that are mine are getting subsumed into the things that are ours.
I wouldn't want that to happen, either.
Thank you for explaining and for using the word "subsume," that's one you don't hear enough.
You're welcome.
- Good night.
- Good night.
What are you doing now? Looking for shoes.
Why? When your favorite ghost tells you to do something, you do it.

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