Big Lake (2010) s01e05 Episode Script

Here's the check.
I, uh I think I got it last time.
I'm pretty sure it was me.
Meg? No.
Neither one of you has ever picked up the check.
Carl said someone has to pay.
Why don't we draw for it? Credit card roulette.
Everybody put your card in.
Last one drawn pays.
No crying.
Ah, a game of chance.
Gentlemen, good luck.
Luck be a lady A real one, not like last time.
This doesn't bode well for my tip.
No.
No, it doesn't.
All right, first guy out is Chris.
Yes! Yes! Thank you, sweet lord Jesus! Thank you.
The rest of you can suck it.
And then there were two.
What's the matter, Josh? You nervous? Pressure getting to you? This is where I thrive The danger zone.
The guy who doesn't have to pay is Josh.
Yes! No! Why does this always happen to me? - Sorry, Glenn.
- Story of my life.
Story of my God damn life! I try to live right, pay my bills, big believer in paying it forward, help your fellow man Oh, God.
I just don't have any luck.
I have nothing to believe in, nothing to love, nothing to care about.
Our souls are but shadows of our failed selves! Jesus, Glenn.
It's just lunch.
Is it? Is it? Hey, Glenn, your card It was declined.
Yes! Thank you, lord Jesus! Thank you! I never lost faith in you! I'm back! You guys picking up on all that between me and Meg All that vibing? She's so rude to me.
It's clearly flirting.
She's just working you for tips.
Meg's probably not even her real name.
You know how stripers have fake names? It's the same for waitresses.
"Meg"? It's laughable.
Yeah, man, she's playing you like a three-string fiddle.
And once you're on the hook, she'll drop her kid's name, which is always "dylan.
" And he needs money for leg braces.
She dances 'cause he can't.
Guys, she doesn't have a kid named Dylan, and her name is Meg.
Or Cheyenne.
Hey, Cheyenne, how's Dylan? Hey.
You smell great today.
Really? I'm super hungover.
I must be sweating Malibu.
Wow.
They should bottle that.
They already did.
It's called Malibu.
Sounds like you had fun last night.
That's what they tell me.
Yeah.
Here we go.
Thank you, Morton kepper, cpa, father of morty kepper, c-minus student.
What's that? The kids in my class are such dumbasses.
I couldn't understand how they were doing such a great job on their homework.
Then I realized the parents are doing it.
So why not take advantage? I sent little morty home with my tax returns as homework.
His dad gets them done "toot sweet.
" Hey, I don't mind tattoos.
But look at you.
You're scaring all my customers.
It's a maori symbol of freedom.
It represents strength and prosperity.
Well, the prosperity part is wrong, 'cause you're fired.
I'm gonna sue for discrimination.
You want my money? Get in line, freak show.
Get in line! Wow.
Did you hear that? No.
I respect the privacy of others.
What happened? My dad is so stressed out.
He's working way too hard.
I've been trying to figure out the perfect way to pay him back.
This whole time, it's been right under my nose.
Why don't I work here? Help make cheddar creek a real success.
It's my chance to give back.
I'm loving the hell out of this idea.
You and Meg will hook up and get married.
You adopt baby Dylan and run this place as a family.
Dad, I can't stand to see you like this.
I want to help.
I want to work at cheddar creek.
Josh, this restaurant is all I have left.
Please don't take it away.
You're always saying that this is a family restaurant, but you're the only one in the family who works here.
That's by design, Josh.
Dad, remember, you can't spell "family" without "am I.
" And, dad, I am.
That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.
Who's bussing this table? I just said, "I am.
" Come on, let me pitch in.
It wouldn't just be me helping you.
You'd be helping me.
Fine.
You're hired.
Hey, dad, I do need Fridays off.
Jeez, Josh, that's great you're gonna be working at the restaurant.
I can't wait till I'm old enough.
Slow down, chopper.
You're growing up too fast as it is.
Oh-ho.
What game are you running? I know you're not going there to actually wait tables.
Do I look like a punk-ass bitch to you? Jeremy, I'm really just going there to work.
You know, dad's put his faith in me and my abilities.
And I'd be doing a disserv Shut up.
You're running inventory out the back.
Growing hydro on the roof.
I know you are, you s.
O.
B.
I know it.
You're hysterical.
Cut me in.
We're bros.
Jeremy, I really just want to help dad.
Okay, okay.
I'll play your little game.
But when I find out what it is, I'll want a taste.
Morning, boys.
Dad, joshy's gonna be a great waiter.
Yeah.
But I'm not gonna just be a waiter.
I've also got a lot of great ideas.
All right, Josh, don't shoot too high.
I just need you to buss tables, nothing more.
How about this one "Leftovers"? Yesterday's food reheated today, half price, "leftovers" boom.
Solid gold right there.
Josh, that's disgusting, and it's definitely a health code violation.
Okay, well, you know what? We're just brainstorming here, getting the creative juices flowing.
I'm just gonna shotgun some ideas at you.
When you hear one you like, stop me, okay? - Okay.
- "Make your own sausage.
" Got a little creativity, a lot of hand strength, you can twist up a real good sausage.
No, I hate that one.
Give me another one.
Community stew, okay? We provide a large cauldron of broth in the middle of the restaurant.
Anyone from town can show up, put whatever they want in there no questions asked.
Definitely another health code violation.
Early bird special.
You're over 60 and you come in with a parrot, you eat for free.
Damn it, shut up! This is my son Josh.
He starts working here today.
So treat him as I would With contempt.
He gets no special privileges.
In fact, I'm looking for a reason to fire him, so keep your eyes peeled.
Can I just say that it's an honor Grab a mop, Josh.
Can I get a refill on my water? Yeah, service here sucks.
All right, all right.
Hey, guys.
It's on, buddy.
Hey, you know, one of the perks of knowing someone who works at a restaurant is special orders Things not on the menu.
So we were thinking, how about a nice pu pu platter for the table? Yeah, a nice three-tiered jobby.
On the top, sizzling meats.
In the middle, crispy wontons and egg rolls.
And on the bottom, ice cream, huh? Work our way down.
As much as I love that idea And it's inspired I don't think so today.
I got to start small Baby steps.
Hey, move your ass, Franklin.
I'm paying you to work.
Got it, dad.
See what I mean? I got to start on the floor, earn his trust, and then I can make all the moves that'll put this place on the map and make my dad a success.
Wow.
It's like watching the godfather without the words "do not duplicate" burned across the screen.
Here you go, son Chicken nuggies.
Oh, thanks, dad.
Josh, get this processed crap away from me.
Get me a coffee, black, and break an egg into it.
What are you doing here? I thought I'd stop by, see how things are going, how you're playing this.
Jeremy, you really have the wrong idea.
I'm just here to help dad.
I liked you better where you were on the couch, where I could keep an eye on you Under the blanky yanking your belly stick.
This Josh Ambitious, hard-working I don't buy it.
You know, you're too young to be this cynical.
I have a vested interest in keeping this place going.
Don't mess it up.
Keep the change.
Go buy yourself something pretty.
Wait, what about your coffee? Coffee's for you.
Wake up.
Bye, dad! Thanks for the nuggies! Love you, son! Look at us Working together as a couple, completely in sync with each other, like ridiculously so, right? Just a couple grill jockeys slinging hash, really bonding in the midst of all that stress.
Finishing each other's Sentences.
- It's very cute.
- Mm-hmm.
Josh, I kind of made it a policy not to date coworkers.
- Really? When? - When Derek got fired.
If I date a guy I work with, I end up having sex all the time.
It's too intense.
Then that is a good policy, Meg.
That's a Great great policy.
Right.
But it wasn't until 1915 when Henry Ford perfected the assembly line.
Eh, well, I'm your teacher.
I'm happy to help.
Hey, for homework, really take a look at that carburetor.
It's making a pinging sound.
Okay.
Hey, guys.
Listen, I don't want to be a hard-ass, but I got to move you to a smaller table.
What, are you kidding? We always get a booth.
Yeah, but booths are for three people.
I got a really nice two-top for you.
What the hell is a two-top? This is bull.
Tell him, Chris.
Sit down.
Check it out.
You'll be really comfortable.
It's so small! Where do you put the food, on the floor? I'm looking right at Glenn.
I can't look at Glenn when I'm eating.
People will think we're dating.
Oh, great, now I've made eye contact, and I can't look away.
We are locked in.
Why don't you put us in a cage? Damn it, Josh.
This is not how you treat humans! I've never seen either of you this angry.
Who's gonna clean this up? I got to clean this up.
Well, welcome home, working man.
Get some sleep Another big day tomorrow.
Thanks, dad.
You know, I think I've got this waiter thing figured out.
Tomorrow I want to spend some time in the kitchen, maybe take a look at the books.
Just focus on your job.
You know, for the first half of the day, you had your apron on backwards.
Right now I just need you to be a waiter.
- Yeah, but, dad - No buts.
Good night.
Oh, um, did you turn on the alarm when you closed up? Of course.
I want to take care of our baby.
My baby, Josh.
I'm its father.
At best, you're its weird Uncle.
Hey, guys.
We are here to tell you we are super pissed at what you did to us today.
Our feet touched.
That's technically flirting.
But in the spirit of forgiveness, we would like to extend an olive branch in the form of an invitation to a midnight showing of Steven Seagal's directorial debut, on deadly ground.
- Are you serious? - Serious as a Seagal attack.
Ah, damn it.
I have to work tomorrow morning.
- Dude, he fights a bear! - You're killing me.
You really are.
Josh, hear us out.
Steven Seagal is a mystical martial artist and an environmentalist The perfect weapon.
He fights a bear and wins! Are you listening to us? Guys, I can't.
My dad's counting on me.
The ground itself is deadly! I have work tomorrow too.
Yeah, but I care about my job.
Well, you have an important job.
You feed people.
You're making a difference.
Josh, you got to help us out here.
We can't go to a movie together.
People are gonna think we're dating.
Yeah, people have already seen us have an intimate meal, just the two of us And now at a movie? Word's gonna get out Glenn and I are Ing.
You got to help us, Josh.
Just put a seat in between you two guys.
That never works.
You're begging for a creep to sit between you.
I can't.
I'm sorry.
Many times over, I'm sorry.
Josh, let me explain in some terms you'll understand.
And Seagal is like, "Whoa, you're not suppose to be here.
Hiya! And the bear's like, "aah! Ah! I'll kick your ass, Seagal!" And Seagal's like, "[bleep.]
Cool it.
" Psshhh.
Come on, man! Just go.
Just leave.
On your deathbed, you're gonna remember this moment, and you're gonna ask yourself, "why didn't I go see that bear fight Seagal?" You think I don't know that? What what the hell are you doing? I'm working, Carl.
Also, I'll be calling you "carl" now when we're discussing business.
I read in a book that it helps establish that we're equals.
We're not equals.
I'm the boss.
You're an employee.
- But, Carl - Dad.
Carl-dad, I'm talking about taking cheddar creek to the next level Expanding, franchise, all right? This location, it'll always be the flagship.
That's a given.
But I'm looking at the numbers, and I think we could open 14 cheddar creeks in the next two years.
Really? You think we could open that many? I do.
I do.
You know, uh, not all of them are gonna survive, okay? We're gonna lose at least three, the flagship among them, bu.
.
What? Oh, now is not the time to get sentimental, Carl.
We're talking business.
I can't believe I was actually on board for a few seconds.
This is unbelievable.
It's progress, Carl.
It's a runaway train.
So get on board, or get out of the way, 'cause it'll leave your intestines all over the tracks.
Hey, guys.
How was Seagal? Oh, if you took the word awesome and put the best set of tits on it, you'd still be halfway to describing how great it was.
Well, I'm sorry I missed that.
Hey, again, I-I don't want to be a hard-ass, but the booths, they're for parties Party of three! Kevin! Hey.
Hey.
Who's Kevin? I'm Kevin.
You must be Josh.
Yeah, man, that's our third.
Last night at the movies, we left an empty seat between us like you said, and let's just say Kevin fit right in.
We missed you last night.
That's funny.
Yeah, these are my new buds.
Yeah, man, we're best buds.
- Killer.
- What? That's our new catchphrase "Killer.
" Killer.
Remember last night when Seagal fought that bear? Oh, man, he really let him have it.
I love bears.
Hey, you know what that bear wasKiller.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That does sound pretty killer.
You're not saying it right.
Killer.
No.
- Killer.
- No.
- Killer? - Hey, come on, man.
Stop already.
You're embarrassing yourself.
Yikes! Hey, crazy party tonight.
You guys up for it? Oh, I got to work tomorrow.
Any chance it'll go all night? Oh, we'll see the dawn, my friend.
Killer.
Hey, uh, three French dips, waiter.
French dips Yeah, great choice.
They're pretty killer.
God damn it, Josh.
Stop mangling our catchphrase.
- I'm saying it just like you.
- No, you're not! You're mangling it! Hey, waiter, what's the special? Meloaf with gravy.
Oh, not meatloaf and Killer? Hit the bricks, pally.
Mom, I feel like dad's missing out on a lot of opportunities.
Shh, shh, shh.
I'm watching house.
And I heard that in this episode, he goes too far.
Dad never listens to my ideas and Shh! Here it comes.
Nope.
He went just the right amount.
You know, maybe by workinghere, I've alienated myself from my friends.
"F" them.
They're not really your friends.
Oh, no, they're my only friends.
Hey, Josh, just so I can sleep, before you locked up, you set the alarm, right? Yes.
Damn it.
Did you just say "damn it"? No.
Damn it.
I swear I keep hearing "damn it"! Oh! House just went too far, and I missed it.
Damn it.
I heard it again! - Jeremy, what's going on here? - Cheddar beach night.
You see why I don't want you to mess this up.
I get half the door.
This place is a gold mine.
Are you gay? Yeah.
I'm gay for Benjamin Franklin.
And these dudes have some crazy disposable income.
I can't believe dad hasn't found out.
And he won't.
This is really impressive.
Is it always this busy? Yeah, sometimes I have to turn people away.
Mind if I, uh, walk around, check things out? It's called "cruising," Josh, but go ahead.
I'm sure there are a couple of bankers that would like to meet you.
- hey, guys.
- Hey! So this is your, uh, killer party, huh? Yeah, it's a real sausage-palooza.
Kevin brought us.
It's all dudes.
I know.
It's killer.
It would be more killer if there were some ladies.
- That's hilarious.
- Come on, we're out of here.
Who wants mojitos? I'm buying.
Eh, it'd be rude to leave.
Hey, Josh, what, are you turning this into your home office? You don't see all those dirty dishes there? - No, no, no.
- Right there! Dad, you're not gonna care about dirty dishes once I tell you my new idea Cheddar creek after dark.
Dinner, cocktails.
Nope.
Dad, there is a whole clientele out there looking for something to do in big lake, but everything around here closes at 8:00.
We'll get you a liquor license.
We'll have dancing.
- Josh, I've heard enough.
- Enough that you love it? - Josh, that's a fine idea.
- Really? For another restaurant.
That's not what I want for this place.
You know, dad, I feel like you and I don't see eye to eye about the potential for cheddar creek.
No, we don't.
And that's why you shouldn't work here.
Dad, I won't quit, 'cause you don't quit on family.
I know you won't quit.
And that's why I'm firing you, so I feel like I let you down.
I just think that you're wasting your talent and your big ideas on a small restaurant.
That lasidea was mine.
I would've given you credit.
That's not the point.
It wouldn't have worked.
The first rule of business is knowing your limitations.
Me, I throw parties.
That's what I do.
I just feel like I really could've taken cheddar creek to the next level, you know, turned it into a success.
It already is It pays the bills, puts a roof over our head, put you through college, and pays for these fake clothes that I wear to fake school.
For dad, that's success.
You're a real smart kid.
Hey, if you need a job, we could use a barback No shirts.
Hey, m.
Hey, I don't work here anymore, so, uh, I'm available.
Josh, bad timing I'm back to dating guys I work with.
It turns out I miss the intense sex.
Very good policy.
Hey.
What, you here toick us out again? No.
My dad fired me.
You guys waiting for Kevin? No.
We're not hanging out with Kevin anymore.
He said we were leading him on.
He's not wrong.
We kind of were.
You mind if I sit with you? These booths are made for three.
Killer.
Uh, Josh, we don't say that anymore.
Sorry.
Thank you, Meg.
Excuse me.
Touching is inappropriate.
Keep that in mind.
I got to restock.
Guys, I just got to restock.
Excuse me