Bizaardvark (2016) s02e22 Episode Script

Her, Me, and Hermie

1 Hey, guys! Paige and Frankie here with Bernie and Amelia.
Today, we are engaging in the most extreme sport ever invented Riding tricycles! This is the Vuuugle Grand Prix! We gotta go fast! Y Yeah, seriously, guys, we gotta go really fast.
We didn't get permission to do this.
- Oh! So - Okay, shoot.
First round, Frankie versus Bernie.
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Champion! Round two, we have got Paige versus Amelia.
Go! Yeah! Yeah! Come on! Go, go, go, go! Go, go, go! Paige! Paige! Wait, hold up.
Can we see the tape? So I did break the wall of bricks, but I didn't cross the finish line, so, you're the winner! Woo-hoo! Final round.
It's Frankie versus Amelia.
And just for fun, we've added some bowling pins at the end of the track.
Go, go, go! - Go! - Yes! Go! You got this! You got this! Kick it! Amelia won! - Woo! Nice job.
- Yay! - Thank you! - All right, guys.
We We really gotta - start cleaning up - Okay.
- Oh, shoot.
- All right, just, go! No way, you stay and help.
You stay and help! You could spend all day On a swing eating a baguette But why do boring things like that When there's the Internet? Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! - Let's go make some videos - Hey! You could watch Dirk doing crazy dares - Saying, "Here we go" - Here we go! He'll do anything you want Just don't try this at home Or watch Amelia teaching ya How to look your best Making over people is her never-ending quest You could watch Do you have constant foot odor? You could watch us make ridiculously funny videos Like the one with evil pop-up books That punch you in the nose Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! Let's go make some videos And I I missed it.
Remember, the banner is full of pyro.
I'll introduce Bizaardvark's 100th video, and the banner will explode.
We only get one chance at this, so we cannot mess it up.
- You ready? - So ready.
Hey, guys, big news! We're here to celebrate Bizaardvark's 100th video! Wooo! Wooo! Wooo! - Hang on! - What Wooo! You What? Paige! That's $400 worth of pyro! This better be important! Hermie seemed sad.
Paige! It's a hermit crab.
They shun people and lack emotion.
Wait am I a hermit crab? Frankie, come on, Horse Face Guy trusted me to take care of Hermie while he's in Fresno getting his real estate license.
Oh, good for him, he's finally doing it.
Oh, no, he's barely eaten, and his energy seems really low.
I think something's wrong.
We need to go get him help.
Oh, uh, uh, how how about the Vuuugle channel with the veterinarian? The Animal Chanimal? Yeah, I knew the name.
I just like hearing people say it.
Yvette, is Hermie gonna be okay? Hold up.
You're a vet, and your name is Yvette? Let me speed this up.
My name is Yvette and I'm a vet.
No, I've never fought in a war, so I'm not Yvette the vet who's also a vet.
But I have a PhD.
and a half a million subscribers.
Now can I please finish examining this crab? You're Yvette the vet.
Ooh Paige.
You were right.
Something was wrong with Hermie.
He had a splinter in his claw.
Aw, man, I told him not to play in the wood chips, but you know hermit crabs, they do what they want.
Hey, great call bringing him in.
Have you ever thought about becoming a veterinarian? You clearly have the instinct for it.
Actually, I have.
You have? Yeah.
I mean, you know how much I love animals.
Being a vet could be the perfect career for me.
But what about our three-step plan for the future? Uh, Bizaardvark goes on a world tour, we get super-rich, then we swim in our pools full o' hundo dollah bills, yo! Frankie, you know nobody loves swimming in hundo dollah bills yo more than me.
But who knows what'll happen in the future? Maybe being a vet is my calling.
If Paige becomes a vet, then what happens to Bizaardvark? Hey, guys, I'm Frankie, and there's no Paige.
So, there's no Bizaardvark.
Let's not make some videos Sad! Sad.
Hey, hey! Thank you again, Mr.
Cunningham, for choosin' me to do the school's mornin' announcements.
Amelia, as faculty liaison to the A.
Club, I know talent when I see it.
And you, are the only one that showed up.
I'm excited to be the face of Sierra High, deliverin' the hard-hittin' news our students deserve.
Ooh What's our first story? Uh, the lunch lady found a baked potato shaped like a hedgehog.
Let's tell the world! Good mornin', Sierra High.
I'm Amelia Duckworth, and these are your mornin' announcements.
Shockin' news outta the cafeteria Only one camera.
Shockin' news outta the cafeteria.
What started out as an innocent baked potato turned into a baked potay-no.
The starch in question Oh, finally a room where I can fart alo Lone.
Fart alone.
What's happening? Bernie, I'm doin' the mornin' announcements.
Whoa, is this camera on? Sierra High, I will eat you! Nom! Nom! Nom! Nom! Nom! Uh, well, we're gonna take a little break cut! Young man, I don't know who you think you are - Thank you.
- but I think you're a comedic genius! - He is? - I is? Starting tomorrow, you and Amelia are gonna co-anchor this show.
What do you say? A lot of things I immediately regret I wish you were my dad.
Yeah Save it for the air, kid.
What the heck just happened? Hey, Dr.
Yvette, have you seen Paige? Oh! Paige, it's you.
And you're holdin' a pig.
And you spun around like a villain for some reason, heh.
Yvette said I could start volunteering with her.
I'm taking care of this little guy for the day.
Do you wanna pet him? Aww.
Aww? Aww! Aww Heh see? I got there.
So, you ready to finish our video? Oh, sorry, I can't.
Gotta stay with this guy.
Plus, I'm lookin' after Hermie, so, got a lot on my plate.
Okay, well, uh, what about tomorrow? Tomorrow, I'm watching Dr.
Yvette perform surgery on a muskrat.
She says I'll probably only pass out the first time.
It's gonna be great! Oh, well, um maybe we can make a video when you're not doing vet stuff.
Oh my gosh, did you see that? Piggy just blinked! Do it again, Piggy! Do it again! Do it again.
I can blink.
Amelia? Can I talk to you? Sure.
Paige is getting really serious about being a vet, and it's like she doesn't have time for Bizaardvark anymore.
Oh, honey, I can relate.
See, I joined the mornin' announcements to get attention at school.
But now Bernie's doin' it, too, so I'm gonna get, like 50 percent less attention at school! Oh, I I don't think you understand.
Paige and I always talked about making videos forever.
But if she becomes a vet and doesn't wanna do Bizaardvark anymore, I'm afraid I'm gonna lose my best friend.
No, no, I totally understand.
At first, my face took up the entire screen.
But now, my face is gonna take up, like, 50 percent less of the screen! Amelia, nothing you're saying even remotely relates to what I'm saying.
Oh W Well, I was gonna tell you the story about my best friend Sage, who I used to shoot makeup videos with, but then she decided she wanted to become a doctor, which gave me a lot of fear about the future of us bein' best friends.
No, but it didn't really seem like it applied here.
No, that definitely applies.
That's exactly my story.
So, are are you guys still best friends? Oh, no, we never saw each other again.
And I think about it every day.
That's terrible.
I don't wanna lose Paige.
I have to convince her not to become a vet.
I have the same problem! See, there's these mornin' announcements, right? And I have to Hey, guys, we're here to do the No.
Um, I emailed you, we couldn't get 100 sharks.
Or, um, one shark.
So Does anybody have any weird special skills they can do? - Oh, yeah! - Yeah! - Me, I do! - Oh, cool, okay, let's do that.
Mine was raising my hand.
I'm gonna do a jump.
Spinny jump.
It's called an axle.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Ooh! Ohh! So my special skill is playin' a recorder through the side of my nose.
- Woo! - Wow! Woo! I can put my lips to my nose, like this.
- What? - Wait.
Are you doing it? - You can't use your fingers! - You can't I can read minds.
- Okay? Watch this.
- Oh, okay, okay.
- Think of any number between one and 20, - I know this trick.
and say it kinda slowly, and I will say the same number.
We can do it five times, ready? Fifteen.
What? - Twen - Twelve.
Hey, Hey Okay, Hermie.
I need Paige to think she lost you, so she'll stop wanting to be a vet.
I'm sorry.
I just can't lose my best friend.
I don't know if I'm talking to your face or your butt.
Paige! Paige, come quick, it's Hermie! Oh, no No, no, no, how did this happen? I don't know, the cage was like this when I came in.
I must've put it on the edge and it tipped over.
Oh, this is bad, um Uh, I'll look in the lounge, you look in here.
Okay, I'm on it.
Wait, heh why am I looking? He's in my backpack.
I looked everywhere.
Hermie's gone.
Horse Face Guy trusted me and I let him down.
How can I be a vet if people can't trust me with their animals? Maybe I shouldn't be a vet.
What? Gosh darn it, no! I hate it when dreams die.
This really ruins my day as well! But, you gotta trust your gut.
Bernie, doin' these mornin' announcements really means a lot to me.
Just please take this seriously.
- You got it.
- Okay.
And Good mornin', Sierra High.
I'm Amelia Duckworth.
And I'm Bernie "Hot Shades" Schotz.
It's not too late to sign up for the wilderness club's first campin' trip this weekend.
Gonna be a real adventure! Heh.
Adventure? Alpaca my bags.
That's an elephant.
Yeah, the alpaca sound cost extra to download.
But you could afford the stupid sunglasses? In other news, today's lunch will be fish sticks.
Fish sticks? Gross.
Alpaca my lunch.
You can't keep doin' the same joke.
Oh, can't I? It's Two Times Tuesday.
Two Times! Two Times! Is that laughter? It is! Thanks for watching, everyone.
She's Amelia, and I'm "Hot Shades.
" How did you get the glasses back? I bought two pairs.
Two pairs! Two pairs! What if? Can we please? Cut! That was awful! That was amazing! Kids love your back and forth bickering.
You keep this up, and you guys'll be the face of this school for the next four years! Huh? Bernie, I'm gonna say this nicely.
I really, really, really, really, really do not like working with you.
Aw? Only five reallys.
But if us fightin' on screen will make me the face of this school, then I'm on board.
What do you say? I say, alpaca my keyboard! Oh! I do have the alpaca sound.
I'm fun.
Isn't this great? Paige and Frankie doing comedy? You know, I had a dream last night that we were still doing this when we were 90.
I had a dream last night where Hermie yelled "I trusted you," and then pushed me off a cliff.
I mean, that that could be about anything.
Well, get excited now, 'cause I wrote an awesome song called "I Can't Stop Smiling.
" It's about having over-the-top, excited reactions to stupid things.
My friend's so happy 'bout stupid things A shriveled up raisin just makes her sing like Okay, one thought.
You're gonna wanna join in there.
Yeah, I I was just thinkin' about Hermie's final hours.
He was all alone.
And I was responsible.
But uh let's keep goin' with the comedy.
Uh okay.
My friend's so happy 'bout stupid things A shriveled up raisin just makes her sing like Wow.
What a great raisin.
I can't stop smiling.
Well, um, good job on taking my first note.
I'm sorry, I'm just too sad to do Bizaardvark right now.
I'm too sad to do anything right now.
No, no, come on, wait.
What are you smilin' at? What's up? I'm Amelia Duckworth, Here with Bernie Schotz to do the We each get a feather, and try to blow it from over there to over here, in this bucket without it touching the ground.
Did you steal these feathers from my favorite boa? Uh let's do the challenge! Go! No! No! Where'd mine go? This is not workin'.
Ready? Oh! We got it! We got it! She, uh You are so aggressive, you are just shoving me out of the way.
Oh! Oh! Okay, Hermie.
I only took you so Paige would stop wanting to be a vet, but I went too far and was a horrible friend.
It's time to end this, and get things back to normal around here.
Oh, sweet mother of all things unnecessary and borderline hilarious.
Thank you all for coming to Hermie's funeral.
Horse Face Guy asked me to put this together.
I'd like to begin with a few words.
Hermie was a good crustacean.
It took him a while to come out of his shell, but when he did he chose another shell.
That's what hermit crabs do.
- Mmm! - Preach! - Paige, I need to talk to you - Not now, I'm on a roll.
We're gonna miss you, Hermie.
And now, an In Memoriam tribute featuring Hermie's happiest times.
Paige, Hermie isn't gone.
You're right.
He's in our hearts.
- So beautiful, Frankie.
- No, no, I mean And now, Horse Face Guy would like to say a few words about Hermie.
Paige, I really need Wait Horse Face Guy's gonna talk? No one's ever heard him speak before! Oh.
He says he can't do it.
Oh So close! So sorry, Horse Face Guy.
I'll never forgive myself.
I'm an awful person.
No! I'm an awful person! You didn't lose Hermie.
I took him! What? Hermie is alive and well right here in this shoe box! He isn't gone! Okay, he's gone.
- What? - Uh He couldn't have gotten far! Everyone fan out.
Paige, I I'm so sorry, let me explain.
It's just a hard shell taco! How could you do this to me? What were you thinking? I wasn't thinking, I just got scared and did a really stupid thing.
- Peanut shells! - Ohh Clean up after yourselves, people! What do you mean you got scared? Scared of what? Scared of losing you as my best friend.
What? How could that happen? We've always said we're gonna be best friends forever.
Yeah, but we also said that were were always gonna do comedy forever, and now you wanna be a vet.
I don't know what I wanna be.
I love Bizaardvark, I love animals.
I also love taking care of people, and I might wanna open my own bed and breakfast in New Mexico.
You'd be so good at that! Look, I don't know the future.
Only thing I do know, is that you're always gonna be my best friend.
Thanks, Paige.
I'm sorry.
- Love you.
- Love you more.
Now let's go find Hermie.
Oh Same taco shell as before, that's on us.
Horse Face Guy, you found Hermie! I spent all night preparin' insults.
I hope you're ready.
Oh, I'm ready, but I gotta warn you, things are gonna get pretty personal.
Thank you, "Uncle Wacky's Zany Joke Book for Kids.
" And, we are on.
Good mornin', Sierra High.
I'm Amelia Duckworth.
And I'm Bernie Schotz.
And these are your morning announcements.
Our lead story involves the new equipment - in the science department - Speaking of food, what does Amelia and my favorite lunch have in common? They're both full of baloney! Oh my, Bernie, we are fightin' now! Heh! Speakin' of baloney, is is that what I smell, or is that low self-esteem, mixed with your awful B.
? Huh ohh heh.
Well, uh uh, when you talk, you're like a balloon, because you're full of hot air.
Speakin' of air, your breath smells like dead slugs, which is why you've never kissed a girl, and will probably spend the rest of your life alone! Um I T I'm I think that I bet everyone's lovin' this! Oh, yeah? Well, uh, What did the duck What did the duck say when he bought lipstick? P P P Put Put it on my bill.
That made no sense.
Kinda like your life.
We get it.
No one respects you, Bernie Schotz.
We're cutting! Amelia.
What was that? You embarrassed Bernie in front of the entire school.
I'm afraid your morning announcement days are over.
What? Bernie think you can handle this gig on your own? Eh? I just wanted a fart room.
Amelia how would you like to be the face of Sierra High? That's all I ever wanted! Good mornin', Sierra High! - Today's lead story - Wrong camera.
Today's lead story Amelia Duckworth's back on top!