Bizaardvark (2016) s03e06 Episode Script

Summer Schooled

1 All right, I got everything we need to make our new series of summer videos.
Cool.
And we're sure making a different, beach-themed video every day is a sustainable idea, right? Now that you mention it, all we've come up with is the character of a sassy floating device that yells, "Yeah, buoy!" We should be able to ride the momentum from that for a while.
Oh, hang on.
The mail is here.
Anything good? The usual, bills, junk mail, love letters from Grandma's prison pen-pal.
"Roses are red Violets are blue Send me a cake with a shovel in it.
" What's he in jail for, murdering poetry? - (both laughing) - Nice! Huh.
This is weird.
You got something from Sierra High.
Aw, man! It says I failed chemistry class and I have to take summer school.
What? No, that can't be right.
Eh, if you think about it, it's amazing I've made it this long without getting summer school.
To be honest, I've only been using my backpack to cover up stains on my shirts.
But you and I were in the same chemistry class.
I mean, you even showed me your final project.
It was good.
I feel like there's something else going on here.
What if - Paige, don't.
- Don't what? Let your imagination get the best of you.
(scoffing) I don't do that.
Paige, honey, my little cauliflower, you do.
Your over-active imagination is an adorable trait, second only to your aggressively relentless positivity.
It's so awesome you said that, and I'm so glad we're best friends.
My point is when you get in your head like this, you drive yourself crazy.
This is just summer school.
There's nothing weird about it, except that it's school in the summer.
So you admit that there's something weird about it? (groaning in frustration) (theme song playing) Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! Okay, let's do this.
I'm really excited to have you guys on my channel.
Now, I know you've never unboxed before, so I'm sure you're a little nervous.
(both scoffing) Yeah, right, nervous.
We were just talking about how nervous we were to be opening cardboard boxes and talking about what's inside.
If you want, I can give you a few pointers.
Uh, Zane I open about 10 boxes of lip gloss on my channel a day.
Pretty sure I got this.
Yeah, and I open about 10 boxes of lip gloss on my Oh, I just copied you.
- All right.
- (timer beeping) We're rolling in three, two, fun! Hey, everybody.
Welcome to Zane Unboxed.
And say hi to my friends, Amelia and Bernie.
- Hi, y'all.
- Bern Dawg Nation! Let's unravel this cardboard mystery.
Amelia, start us on our journey.
Okay.
Well, the tape is mostly off.
I can pretty much see what's inside.
- It's a - Wait! Don't just say what it is.
Build the suspense.
Bernie, take us farther down the path.
- It's a plastic car.
- (gasps) (Velcro rasping) Okay, you're gonna need to stop that.
Hey, Zane, when are you gonna post our unboxing vid? Ready to break the Internet? Yeah, are your viewers ready for the magic that is Bernmelia? - It's a thing.
- No, it's not.
Actually, I decided not to post the video.
(both laughing) Wait.
What? I'm sorry.
I just don't think you're unboxing material.
Wow.
I've never felt this awful feeling of rejection before.
Eh, you get used to it.
(deep voice over phone): Ringtone! Oh.
(laughing) Sorry, guys.
That's me.
I'm the ringtone.
Hey, Paige.
What's up? Hey, just checking in on my summer-schooling friend.
How's it going? Who's your teacher? Well, it was supposed to be someone named Ms.
Manino.
Who? Never heard of her.
It doesn't matter.
She had to get an emergency nose surgery, so Principal Karen is teaching instead.
What? Frankie, get off your phone! Is what I would say if I wasn't the coolest teacher ever.
(laughing) Is that Paige? Hey, Paige, do you like my braid? I know braids are your dealio, but now, they're my dealio, so I guess they're our dealio.
Yay! We have a dealio! (laughing) Coolio! Frankie, don't you think it's a little suspicious that Principal Karen is teaching your class? Paige, don't do this.
What? I'm not Principal Karen is just teaching the class.
It's not a big deal.
There's nothing weird about it.
Oh, hang on.
She's handing back our quizzes.
Oh, man! I got a 001.
That's bad even for me.
Girlfriend, stop playing.
You are looking at it upside down.
FRANKIE: I got 100? Whoo! So, Principal Karen is a teacher, and you got 100 on a quiz? You've never gotten 100 in your entire life.
Sorry, Paige.
Gotta jump.
My new buds, Ruby, Lance, and Chase, asked if I wanted to hang out.
Ruby, Lance, Chase? I've never seen those kids before.
Frankie! Frankie? (screams) Oh, good.
You're up.
What are you doing? I'm glad you're having a good time at summer school with your good grades, and your new friends, and Principal Karen, but I got news for you.
You're not going back there.
Paige, what is going on? I'll tell you what's going on here, sister.
Summer school is fake! Paige, in the future, if you're gonna tie me up and get in my face, could you at least brush your teeth first? What do you mean summer school is fake? And how did I not wake up when you did this? Hey, I'm as surprised as you are.
I was not gentle.
I'll tell you how I know summer school is fake.
Number one, your teacher coincidentally had to get "emergency nose surgery" the day before school.
Number two, you aced a quiz.
No offense, but come on! Number three, you made new friends in one day.
Again, no offense, but come on! None taken.
Wait.
How did you get free? I have a particular set of skills, Paige.
My point is, summer school is just a trick.
It's all part of Principal Karen's plan to join Bizaardvark.
Oh, my gosh! Oh, my Uh, duh! She's been trying to join Bizaardvark since forever.
This isn't news.
I'm right, Frankie.
Open your eyes.
Okay, let's make the leap, and it's a big leap nay, a grande jeté that you're right about Principal Karen's plan.
While only target me? Why not make both of us go to summer school? Frankie, Frankelah, my little bag of baby carrots, she obviously knows you're the harder nut to crack.
If she can convince you, you will convince me, and, boom, you just did half of her work for her.
Paige, do you hear the words you're saying? This is nuts.
(sighs) Okay, you're right.
Maybe I did take this too far.
There's my girl.
Will you help me with this? (sighs) Okay, go get ready for school.
Okay, yeah.
Don't worry about me.
I'm gonna stop.
Stop living with my eyes closed and break this sucker wide open! So, the product entity is Well, well, well.
Oh, no.
Hi, Paige.
Oh, don't "Hi, Paige" me.
I know what's going on here! I get it.
You missed your best buds, Frankie and Karen, and you wanted to sneak in some hang time with the lay What? deez! No, I'm here for the truth.
Uh, what's happening? You claim to be a teacher? Well, I dare you to rewrite this entire equation from scratch.
I guess I could do it.
Although, this is a little bizarre.
Dvardk.
Nice! Just stop, Paige.
No, watch.
PK doesn't know a thing about chemistry.
Done! That really take me back to the old days when Ms.
Manino and I first started teaching together.
You used to teach chemistry? STEM, girlfriend, all day erry-day.
Seriously, what's happening? Oh, I'll tell you what's happening.
You and all these other "students" are really all actors, whose backpacks are just props filled with nothing.
(laughs) Okay.
Well, kudos to your prop department.
They're clearly very skilled.
But this proves nothing! It proves everything! BOTH: What's happening? Oh, look, goggles! I guess I should put these on, because this is definitely a real chemistry lab, right? And these beakers are definitely filled with chemicals, not water, huh? - (gasps) - (pops, bubbling) Uh-oh.
Okay, so water doesn't do that.
(explodes) And chemistry! It's all real, Paige.
Maybe you should go home.
Guess I was wrong.
I'm sorry, everybody.
I'm sorry, Frankie.
Geez, why did we ever become friends with her? Call me later, Paige! Who does Zane think he is, saying we're not unboxing material? I'm everything material! Hey, guys.
Zane, why didn't you put us on your channel? We did exactly what you asked.
We opened the boxes.
You opened the boxes, but you didn't "open" the boxes.
I get it.
He's saying things twice saying things twice.
Anyone can open a box, but not everyone can be an unboxer.
It's no big deal.
It's just something you're not good at.
That's the point! Amelia Duckworth is good at everything, and if I'm not good at unboxing, then that could lead to me not being good at something else, then something else, then next thing you know, I'm turning into well, him.
I was the him.
We want to learn how to be unboxers.
Teach us, Zane.
When you're making an unboxing video, you can't just talk like your normal self.
You've gotta add the drama.
Okay, let me try.
It's time to open How do I know if the dramatic pause is too long? Ahem.
It was too long.
Viewers love the surprise of what's inside the box.
When you gasp, they gasp.
Watch.
(gasping) Now, you try.
(exhales deeply) Gasp! Okay, moving on.
Storytelling is everything.
When I say go, remove your blindfold and tell a story about what's in front of you.
Go! Uh Uh Once upon a time lamp! The end! (clattering) I think I broke whatever my thing was.
Okay, guys, you're not getting it yet, but let's keep trying.
What's the point? You were right.
We're not unboxing material.
- Guys, if you just keep trying - Zane! Just stop.
You're an unboxer, and we are not, sir.
And if I weren't so sad, I would congratulate myself on that sick rhyme.
Remember, when we perform this scene today, we have to make it really convincing.
Totally.
If we want anyone else to believe we have chemistry, then we need to believe we have chemistry.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
That was weird.
Principal Karen? What are you doing here? I thought Ms.
Manino was coming back today.
She was supposed to, but she needs more time to recover from her, um the Nose surgery? Sure, that sounds right.
Uh Where is everyone? I decided to give everyone a free period.
But since you're here, we should spend the next hour riffing on some viddie iddies.
That's how I say "video ideas" now.
Do you like it? I already don't like it.
- Unless you like it! - Uh By the dubs, check out this pic I posted last night.
(laughs) Get it? It's me with Bizaardvark.
There's three of us, so it's Triz-aardvark.
(laughing) Isn't it trill? Do the kids still say "trill"? If not, that is way zonk.
Start saying "zonk.
" Uh Speaking of uh-mazing, I can't wait to show you my comedy vision journal.
It's in your locker.
I'll go get it.
Actors, no Ms.
Manino, Trizaardvark? (gasps) Paige was right.
Summer school is fake.
(screams) Oh, good.
You're up.
- Paige, you were right.
- About what? About everything! I apologize for the crudeness of this model.
I only had nine hours to build it and had to stay still for two of them because you started to wake up.
Why am I tied to the bed? I don't know.
You did it to me.
It seemed like what we were doing.
What is all this? The truth, 3-D modelized.
I know that's not a word, but there wasn't a word for what this is, so I made one up.
I think it fits.
Man, are you feeling okay? Never better, Paige.
Try to keep up.
First, Ms.
Manino was a no-show.
Then, I find out those kids are actors.
Then, PK gets me alone to pitch video ideas.
Video ideas! I'm sorry.
Are we at the optometrist? Because my eyes are wide open! What are you saying? I'm saying it's fake, all of it.
Summer school is fake! Yay, you agree with me.
Now, you can stop going.
Are you kidding? It's just the tip of the iceberg.
Iceberg? I wasn't told there'd be an iceberg.
We have to find out what Principal Karen's master plan is.
Follow me! If PK joins Bizaardvark, our videos will suffer.
Thus, we'll lose subscribers.
Thus, we'll get kicked off of Vuuugle.
Thus, the Internet will hate us, and we'll be doomed to a lifetime of social isolation! Oh, wow.
That looks so lonely.
Wait.
Why are we in Zane and Rodney's room? This is a two-room conspiracy, Paige.
Follow me! For all we know, Principal Karen is building her own rival Internet.
(gasps) A rival Internet which she'll force us to be a part of.
Then she'll have what she wanted all along, Bizaardvark to herself, all day erry-day.
What are we gonna do? We give her exactly what she wants.
Frankie, I I don't know how to build a rival Internet.
Not that! We invite Principal Karen to join Bizaardvark.
If she says yes, we'll get her to admit summer school is fake, because the only reason she created summer school is to join Bizaardvark.
I have follow-up questions, but I'm sure you'll explain on the way.
I am still wearing pajamas! So, since bar soap comes in a box, and I'm bad at box stuff, I switched to body wash.
Now, there are some things I like about body wash, but a lot of stuff I miss about bar soap.
So, I had to make the decision, and I'll pay you $100 to stop talking.
You guys, I need your help.
I hurt my wrist playing basketball, and I can't shoot an unboxing video.
I've never missed a post.
Can you two fill in for me? Us? Seriously? You've seen us unbox.
It's a disaster.
You're the only ones who've gone through my training.
Please, this is a true unboxing emergency.
That does sound like a real thing.
Okay, guys, you can do this.
Just remember what I've taught you.
And action! Hi, y'all, I'm Amelia.
And I'm Dramatic pause.
Two, three, four, five, six, seven Bernie.
(gasps) I intend to be surprised by whatever is in here.
And cut! (sighing) I'm sorry, Zane, but I don't think we can do this.
Of course you can.
I made something for you during your training.
You weren't ready then, but you're ready now.
Look under the table.
BOTH: Dubbie glovies! Now, take us on our journey.
He really believes in us.
Let's do this.
- (cracking knuckles) - For Zane! Action.
Behold, a cardboard box of mystery.
But how does one turn mystery into history? We unbox.
And so, today's unboxing adventure ends with this aerodynamic wonder.
And what magnificent journey will this glorious chopper go on? Let's just say the sky is the limit.
And cut.
- Yes! - Whoo! - We did it! - (laughing) Just like I knew you could.
Wait a minute.
I know what's going on here.
You faked that injury.
You just wanted to put us on the spot, so you could show us what we were capable of.
Oh, you sneaky, little guy, you really put one over on us, huh, buddy? (screaming) My hand! So maybe that was a real injury.
Yeah.
Oh, well.
Free gloves.
Why don't I trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
(laughing) Just a little humes with the chems, people.
(dramatic music playing) Dramatic music? Before lunch? To the hallway! (dramatic music crescendos) - Hey, guys, I'm Paige.
- I'm Frankie.
BOTH: And we're Bizaardvark! Or are we? (gasping) Today is the most important day in Bizaardvark's history, because we have decided to add a third member.
(squealing) Which begs the question BOTH: Who is number three? I could That's my I Interested! It's Principal Karen! - (upbeat music playing) - (laughing excitedly) That's me! Welcome to Bizaardvark.
Here's your official jacket.
And here is your official rehearsal schedule.
Well, would you look at that? Rehearsal starts right now.
Come on, PK.
Well, I can't go.
I have to teach.
It's my job.
Oh, I mean, sure, it's your job, but is it really? Wink, wink.
Yes, it is.
Oh, look, Ms.
Manino is here.
Wait.
Ms.
Manino is real? Yeah, it's not like she's an actor like the rest of these kids.
Ah-ha! So, they are all actors! Indeed we are.
From the performing arts school that's being fumigated for the summer.
They're doing Death of a Salesman in the fall.
Wait.
So, summer school is real, and you are supposed to be here.
Wait.
What about my chemistry final project? I distinctly remember doing that, because it was due the same day we shot our "Let's Get Ripped" video.
Welcome to the Bizaardvark workout plan! BOTH: Let's get ripped! (both grunting) Oh, no! Wait.
I think I ripped up my final project in that video too.
Oh, yeah, look at that.
According to our records, you also should have been enrolled in summer school.
Great catch, Paige.
Wait.
What? Now, the three of us can spend the whole summer in here practicing for Bizaardvark.
This is so zonk! (shutter clicking) Okay, plan B.
You invite her to sleep over.
I'll get the rope.