Black-ish (2014) s05e08 Episode Script

Christmas In Theater Eight

Here's how we do Christmas at the Johnsons'.
We spend the day opening gifts, and then, after a great dinner, we go to the movies.
Okay.
Hey, guys.
What should we see? - Oh, "Aquaman"! - Uh, no, not "Aquaman.
" Whatever Diane wants.
Oh, female lead.
Strong female lead.
I'm sorry, the Johnsons fight about the movies.
Hey, hey, Devante.
- What would you like to see? - Wah! Okay, hey.
Hey! All right, not all at once.
Now hey.
- What are we gonna see? - Well, I'm easy.
I need to see everything so that I can win this year's hospital Oscar pool fifth year straight.
That's right.
I am the Meryl Streep of Oscar pools.
- Who's Meryl Streep? - What? - The White Cicely Tyson.
- Exactly.
Wait a minute.
How about we see "Commander Justice"? Yes! Oh, now, come on, come on, come on! Nobody wants to see that superhero stuff.
Now, what we need to do - is see a faith-based movie - Here we go.
that speaks to the glory of Jesus Christ! Well, there's none of those out right now.
Then we need to see a Denzel-based movie that speaks to the glory of Denzel.
There is no Denzel-based movie out right now.
Ah, well But I do have the next best thing.
This year's Johnsons' family Christmas movie is "Commander Justice.
" Christmas movie Aah! "Back of the Bus: The Rosa Parks Story"! Pass.
Yeah, um, that that sounds like homework.
You know you're only pushing this message movie because of your Black guilt.
I mean, you you ride too hard, son.
- I don't.
- Oh, really? Is that the reason you watch only the Black storylines - on "This Is Us"? - Yes.
Well, they're the only people that I care about.
- I rest my case.
- And it's not "Black guilt.
" Our family should see "Back of the Bus," all right? It's important for us to support Black movies, because there was once a time where we didn't have a say in what was out there.
- Well said, Dad.
- Thank you.
But let me offer a counterpoint here.
- Mm-hmm.
- I don't care.
I want to see "Commander Justice.
" - Why? - Come on, Dad, we need to see it today before the Internet destroys it with spoilers.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
And you can't spoil "Back of the Bus.
" She's going to get on the bus, and she's not going to get up.
I say we take a vote.
Who wants to see "Back of the Bus"? Hey, I don't vote, so, I Well, I vote, and I think we should support everything Black.
Black businesses, Black restaurants, Black banks even Don Lemon.
God bless that respectable Negro.
Dre, Rosa is my taste But "Commander Justice" is going to get a lot of technical awards, and that is what separates a winner from a loser in an Oscar pool.
And I am sorry, Dre, but you married a winner.
Justice! Justice! Justice! Okay! Okay! We will see "Commander Justice.
" Yes! Whoo! But you are all bad Black people.
- No.
- Even worse than those who still listen to R.
Kelly.
- Well, I don't listen to R.
Kelly.
- That one song My God, it looks fabulous in here.
Look at that tree.
- All right.
- Okay, all right.
All right, okay.
Hey, guys? Me and Pops, we're gonna go grab the tickets, okay? Thank you, sounds good.
Okay, and while they're doing that, you validate this, you could get us 3-D glasses, and you, stop your grandmother from harassing Commander Justice.
Oh, no.
Is that all you? On it.
Excuse me, do you know what theater "Commander Justice" is in? - Junior? - Megan! - You work here? - N-No, I-I-I don't work here.
Oh, sorry, I just thought because you're in the uniform.
Oh! This, this.
No, my my mom got this shirt for me for Christmas.
- My mistake.
- Yeah.
How's school? Oh, no.
I-I'm sorry.
I heard you dropped out.
Wow.
Uh So that's out there.
Cool, cool, cool.
No, I'm actually taking a gap year.
- Oh! - Mm-hmm.
Cool.
Well, I should go.
Well, um, enjoy your movie.
A-And don't forget to validate.
That was that was just a tip.
I don't work here.
Spending a lonely Christmas at the movies by yourself, too? - No.
Hello, Charlie.
- Hi.
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
I'm I'm here with my family.
- Oh.
- Yep.
Of course.
Me, too.
They're a little shy.
He's creepy! Anyway, love being at the movies.
- Movies are everything to me.
- Oh, how nice.
See, I was misunderstood as a child, and movies were my escape.
In the theater, I was able to be an archeologist, - ship's captain - Mm-hmm.
- heavyweight champion.
- God, aren't movies amazing? - Yeah, they are.
- Yeah.
My secret dream is to one day make a living off movies.
That and see one with another person one day.
Oh.
Well Charlie, do you want to join me and my family? Please.
Come on.
We're Yep.
Look at this, Pops.
A lot of the "Commander Justice" shows are almost sold out, but not "Back of the Bus.
" That ought to tell you something, son.
No, Pops.
I remember in the old days, man, we used to show up for movies that said something.
Like "Malcolm X," "Antwone Fisher.
" I hear you.
It's just sad.
Thanks for representing, brother.
Hey, and thank you for bringing your queen to see "Back of the Bus.
" Oh, no, we're going to see "Commander Justice.
" Don't nobody want to do homework on Christmas.
Come on.
Ain't nobody in line here to see Rosa? - Sister, I know you here to see Rosa.
- Mnh-mnh.
Brother, you buying tickets right now.
I know you buying tickets for "Back of the Bus," right? - Mnh-mnh.
- What's going on with everybody? Don't nobody want to see the Black movie? - Hey.
- Hmm? Let me get this straight.
Zero Black folks are here to see "Back of the Bus"? Mm-hmm, including us.
Damn.
This Black guilt got me again, son.
Yeah.
Me too, Pops.
All right.
Got the tickets.
All right, who's ready to see "Back of the Bus"? But we won the vote.
Yeah, but you lost the Electoral College.
Sorry, I had to do the right thing.
Another Black movie I'd force you to support.
Children, Theater 8.
And he wonders why Zoey decided not to come home for Christmas.
Ah, there you go, Terry.
I've got eight.
Hurry up, come on.
The movie's about to start.
- Hey, hey, hey.
- Oh, hey, hey, hey.
There she is.
- And Charlie.
- Hey, everybody.
- Hey.
- Diane.
It turns out that Charlie is a cinephile.
That's not true.
I don't even like kids.
But I love movies.
Is there a word for that? Okay, guys, come on.
- Let's go see "Back of the Bus.
" - Wait, whoa, whoa.
I thought we were seeing "Commander Justice.
" - Dad burned us.
- I did not burn you.
I just promised you one thing and gave you another.
Which is your right - as the man of the house.
- Exactly.
Now, this movie is important because of its message one person demands equality, regardless of the consequences, - and how that changed the world.
- Changed the world.
Uh, that's the same message as "Commander Justice.
" I can't really believe we are even having this conversation right now.
Can't even believe it.
Do you think Asian families had this conversation outside of "Crazy Rich Asians"? No! - They just supported.
- They just supported.
Okay, well, I do not like encouraging your father, but he is right.
You were right.
Yeah, if we want Black movies, we got to show up.
- Got to show up.
- Yeah.
- Okay, then, so just so we're clear - Mm-hmm? If "Commander Justice" was played by a Black guy, - then we'd have to support it? - Yes.
So, like, The Rock? Well, maybe not The Rock.
- Mm, Will Smith? - Uh, not Will Smith, either.
No, no, he already has the White dollar locked down.
You know, we're talking the Morris Chestnuts and and the Michael Ealys of the world.
You know, people who have the BET Awards circled on their calendar.
And it's not just about who's in the movie.
- Mnh-mnh.
- It's also about who directed the movie.
So is "The Color Purple" a Black movie? 'Cause a White guy directed that.
And "Ray" and "Glory" and "Ali" and "Django Unchained" and "Dreamgirls" and "Coming to America.
" And "Amistad.
" Are those Black movies? Uh Yes, yes no, no, no, no yes, and yes.
You do know you're not making any sense, right? We ain't got to make sense.
He's your dad and I'm your granddad.
Thanks, Pops.
Now, come on.
This movie is about a major moment from our history, and it's going to change your lives.
Fight the power.
Yeah, see? And all y'all were complaining.
- Alfre Woodard's in this.
- I do love her.
Uh-huh.
Name something bad she's been in.
- I'm trying.
- Mm-hmm.
- Can't think of nothing.
- Mm-hmm.
Oh, baby, see that? "Introducing Sally Wright as Rosa Parks.
" You don't get "introduced" unless they know you're going to be a star.
Okay.
I've got to see what happens in "Commander Justice.
" I mean, obviously he's going to command justice, but it's how he does it.
We've got to sneak out.
- Um, Grandma? - Mm? Jack and I want to get some popcorn.
Oh, baby, I got the snacks covered.
Are those Christmas leftovers? Boy, unless you've got Red Vine money, you better hush up and eat this turkey and greens.
We got cute with the popcorn thing.
- Let's not overthink it.
- Mm-hmm.
Um - Dad? - Hmm? - Can I go to the bathroom? - Uh, me, too.
- Okay.
Go.
- Oh, okay.
Hey.
You follow them and make sure they come straight back.
- On it.
- All right.
- Hey.
- Hmm? Thanks again for inviting me.
Sure.
And I'm really looking forward to adding this to my collection.
Aww, that's nice.
What are you doing? Bootlegging the movie.
I told you it was my dream to make a living off movies one day.
I get, like, $7 a pop for these in front of my church.
Of course you do.
Shh.
I don't want you messing with the audio.
The bathroom is the other way, guys.
I can't go back.
Run for it! Whoa! People just knocking stuff over Um It it This is not what it looks like.
I do not work here.
I-I've got a job over at my dad's office, you know, uh, making copies, getting coffee.
Copies, wow.
That's awesome.
But that is not that is not all I'm doing with my gap year.
I am also traveling to, um Australia! Where I-I will be reef diving.
With sharks.
That is so cool.
- Reef diving.
- Yeah.
I am so excited for you.
What have I done? A whole lot of White people for a movie about Black people.
Yeah, well, they were probably going for a bigger audience.
Oh, that's why they made, uh, G-Eazy play the bus driver.
Probably.
Did you find the twins? I can't even find myself.
What was I thinking, letting a mouse go try to catch two cats? I'll go myself.
Excuse me, babe.
- Is everything okay? - Yeah, it's nothing.
Gap year stuff.
Shh! I drove 25 minutes out of my way to come to a movie theater where I thought people talking throughout the movie wasn't going to be a problem.
Oh, my God.
Yes, I'm talking about Black people.
Well, then, stop talking.
We'll be right back after these messages.
Awesome! Johnsons! Johnsons, where are you? I know you're in here.
- Shh! - Hey, don't you shush me.
I'll leave as soon as someone rats out where those Black kids are at that just snuck in here.
Front row.
- Thank you.
- Ugh.
Snitches.
Come on.
Let's go, Johnsons.
Back to "Back of the Bus.
" 'Cause we are not going to be one of these sellout Black families.
Yeah, that's right, brother.
I'm talking to you.
I'm losing my breath! Sir, are you recording this? Just because a Black man is enjoying a movie, - you think I got to be - Yes.
- He is recording the movie.
- Oh, no, no.
Please come with me, sir.
- Bow, how could you? - What? If we don't support Black businesses, who will? I do not support what you're doing.
Okay, all right.
I-I'm sorry, okay.
Here I go.
Okay.
When is she gonna get to the back of the bus? Come on, lady.
Go to the back of the bus.
Follow the rules.
You pulled us out of "Commander Justice" for this? There's a lot of shots of the bus.
The bus is a character, Bow, all right? It represents progress.
Tell me what I want to know, boy.
I can't say I ain't never seen nothing like that.
Does the dialogue seem kind of slave-y? I mean, what kind of accent is that? How you know how they talked, huh? You weren't there.
Listen.
Seems like they're trying to kind of say that Rosa's White boss gave her the idea.
You weren't there, Bow.
I'm gonna say this one last time.
Go to the back of the bus.
No.
Sometimes you've got to sit down to stand up.
And because Rosa Parks didn't stand up, you get to sit down wherever you want on a bus.
I've never once been on a bus.
Yeah, you said, "I work too damn hard for my kids to ride the bus.
" This is our history, and we will watch it.
Not me.
This movie's terrible, son.
I'm tired of this Black guilt.
It's time for a little White flight.
I'm gonna go sneak into "Commander Justice.
" - Can we go, too? - No.
Just let them go.
No.
This is important.
No, Dad.
This is terrible.
And sometimes you got to stand up to stand up.
Yeah.
Fine.
Go.
Go, go, go.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Where are you going? I am sneaking into "Commander Justice.
" I Tyler Perry wouldn't even present this mess.
- It's It's our history.
- It's horrible.
It's all right, baby.
It's all right.
This sweet potato pie will make you feel better.
Here.
Let me get the whipped cream.
You got a fork? Does anyone know the story from the beginning now? No one's listening to me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So what, you enjoyed Commander Sellout.
Yeah.
My movie got good at the end.
- Did it? - Oh, yes.
- The last 15 minutes? Powerful.
- Oh, come on.
Made you feel good to be Black.
Oh, no.
Now, don't do that, son.
Don't do that.
I'm serious.
This this movie is gonna change the game.
You know, it You know, t-there was a post-credits sequel tease where Malcolm X came over and he shook her hand.
Mm-hmm.
And he looked her in her eye and he said, "Rosa by any means necessary.
" I'm gonna buy the Blu-ray.
Damn it, Dre.
Tell the truth and shame the Devil! Tell the truth.
Fine, all right? I hated it! It was horrible! And I think I hate Rosa Parks a little now because of it.
All right, now you done gone too far, son.
Okay, so I went hard for "Back of the Bus.
" I had to.
- Why? - Why? - Yeah.
- Because if I didn't love this movie, I would be saying the message behind it wasn't important, and all of our messages are important.
And other people need to hear them, too.
You are right.
They do.
But you have to admit, Dre, if the movie's bad, the message is gonna get lost anyway.
Let's go light the tree.
- Come on, now.
- Hot mess.
Cookie, cookie, cookie.
Mama's sorry, baby.
Mama's sorry.
Mama's sorry.
Hey.
Hey.
- You doing okay? - Yeah.
Yeah? 'Cause, you know, you mentioned that thing about finding yourself at the movie theater.
Was that about the gap year? - Yeah, but I've got it under control.
- Ooh.
I'm gonna go to Australia for a walkabout.
A walkabout? Yeah, mate.
It's gonna be official.
You know, Tilley hat, shorts, boots, Bowie knife, sunscreen.
All I need from you is a Tilley hat, shorts, boots, Bowie knife, and $7,500.
I've already got the sunscreen.
- That's all you need? - Mm-hmm.
For your walkabout in Australia.
Yep.
Are you [bleep] kidding me? Wait.
W-Where'd this come from? I thought you'd be happy that I have a plan.
That's not a plan, Junior.
That's a prize you win on "The Price is Right.
" Oh, my God.
I haven't been on you the way your dad has been because I figured that you would have sorted this out by now.
But I'm gonna ask you what is your gap year for? I-I don't know, to decide what I want to do with my life? Then you need to do that.
You got to take inventory.
It's not gonna fall in your lap, okay? You got to make some decisions.
Yeah.
Okay, I'll try.
No, you're not gonna try.
I will find my purpose.
That's exactly right.
It's your last shot, Junior.
Last strike, okay? Oh So, "Back of the Bus" was a dud, but our stories aren't.
Rosa Parks' story isn't.
Then it hit me.
All right! Come on, get up! Everybody get up! Let's go! Come on, let's go.
Everybody downstairs.
Let's go.
This better be good.
All right.
Dad, why are we up so early? Yeah, wasn't Christmas yesterday? Are we having two Christmases like my friend Payton? No.
Sit down.
No? All right, we are going to start a new tradition.
Moving forward, the day after Christmas, we will all gather together and watch a classic Black movie, because what we have to say is important.
- I like that.
- Hey.
- All right? - That's nice.
Now, what do you guys want to see? Um "Get Out"? "Fruitvale Station"? - Oh.
- Unh.
"Cooley High.
" No.
"The Color Purple.
" Oh! Uh Uh, "Barbershop 2.
" - Unh-huh.
- Uh, "Cornbread, Earl and Me"? - Ooh! - Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! "Training Day," "Flight," "Man on Fire.
" - Mama - Huh? Those are all Denzel Washington, movies, okay? I don't think you're getting the point.
Oh, I'm getting the point.
Well, if we're gonna watch a Denzel movie, let's at least start with "The Hurricane.
" - Ooh, yes! - Yeah, yeah, yeah! - Oh, yeah.
- It's about the wrongful imprisonment of a Black man.
No, the wrongful imprisonment of his thighs in those boxing shorts.
You see, when I saw the movie - Mama - I sat there in the thea Huh? Mama, my babies.
She is correct.
Get to streaming, Dre.
I want my Denzel.
Denzel! Denzel! Denzel! - Denzel's best hits.
- Yeah.
Got that "Commander Justice.
" "Commander Justice.
" How y'all doing, sister? All right, now, okay.
Got that "Commander Justice.
" I got it.
$6, studio quality.
Hey, how y'all doing? Y'all good? Come on, y'all.
Black Jesus love Black Jesus love "Commander Justice.
" Uh, uh, if you don't want "Commander Justice," I got "A Woman Undeterred.
" I got I got I got "Dive Reef.
" I got "Back of the Bus.
" Well, the first part of "Back of the Bus.
" Anyway, come on, now.
Here you go.
Devil busy? All right.
Brother, where you going? On your way to Golden Corral? Beat that church rush so you can get some shrimp?