Black-ish (2014) s07e01 Episode Script

Election Special Pt. 1

1 DRE: Every four years, Americans participate in one of the greatest competitions in the world.
But since we didn't get to have an Olympics this year, all eyes are on the election.
The stakes couldn't be higher.
And unlike the Summer Games, there's no silver medal when you're running for president.
As the world's longest continuous democracy, Americans pride ourselves on the power we are given to choose our leaders.
It's one of the things that makes this country the greatest on Earth.
Here, everyone is guaranteed to have a voice.
Ah.
What are you doing? Counting down the days until you move out? [Scoffs.]
Please.
Who would take care of the baby? Only one month till the big day my first time voting in a presidential election.
Ahh.
I remember voting in my first presidential election.
I voted for Bill Clinton.
I liked how he only jogged if he ended up at a McDonald's.
I could relate to that.
[Both laugh.]
Thanks for sharing that story with me, Dad.
You know, one day, I, too, hope to share the story of me voting in my first presidential election - [Cellphone chimes.]
- with my childre Hold up.
I-It says here I'm not registered to vote.
Ooh.
That's gonna be a real short story.
[Sighs.]
Oh, Lord.
Help us, Black Jesus! Earl, I think he's back on the Pokémon again.
You remember when he walked into that abandoned construction site? - Oh, yeah.
- [Laughs.]
Boy ain't got no sense.
No, I've been purged from the voter rolls.
Now it's like I don't even exist.
That's the dream, son.
You're no longer on the government's radar.
You don't have to worry about being drafted, paying taxes, getting the Presidential Medal of Freedom.
- You're in the clear.
- Oh! No, I want to vote.
I've been so careful to protect myself.
I don't drive over the speed limit.
I've never opened anyone else's mail.
You know, I didn't even drink underage in college.
Please.
Now, how hard was that? You were only in college for three days.
Mm-hmm.
Anyone can not drink for three days.
I-I'm not gonna do it.
I got nothing to prove.
Okay.
I've gotta sort this out.
What should I search for? "Purge"? No, that's a movie.
Uh "California rolls.
" Nope.
That is a food.
Um "Removed from voter rolls.
" Hmm.
Ah.
Ah! Dr.
Wilkins.
Very wise man.
Maybe he'll tell me why I'm not on the rolls.
Election Day.
You've done all your preparations and are ready to make sound, conscious choices across the entire ballot, only to find out that you've somehow become unregistered.
Purged.
See, the system is always coming up with new ways to keep you from voting.
Like making you get a photo I.
D.
just so you can vote.
Or moving your polling place at the last minute.
Or like when you're standing in line to vote and they make you go through a separate portal made for Black people.
Mm! You go in, you think you're voting, but guess again.
You've been sucked into a simulation, and there is no escape.
Boom! You're in the Matrix.
To talk further about this purposeful oppression, let me bring out my brother Nick Cannon.
Come on out here, Brother Nick.
Brother's kind of shy.
He's been in hot water lately.
Okay, I'm out.
How is this the number-five search result? Right? Should be number one.
Let's see what Dr.
Wilkins has to say about the government using pennies to steal your DNA.
Pops, this is clearly a conspiracy website.
Damn right.
And it's pointing out the conspiracy to keep us from voting.
You know, he was the one who figured out that menopause was invented by the fan industry.
Okay, I am not interested in conspiracies.
I am trying to figure out why I'm not registered, hopefully from someone who doesn't use their platform to promote boutique colon cleansing.
Oh.
Like this.
Here's a piece from a documentary.
Hmm.
NARRATOR: American history teaches us that in 1776, the Founding Fathers declared that all men were created equal.
But is that too rose-colored a view? Three-quarters of the people who signed the Declaration of Independence owned slaves.
Not only were the vast majority of them slaveowners, but the Founding Fathers imposed limits on voting that not only excluded Black people, but all women and non-property holders, as well.
When this nation elected its first president, only six percent of the adult population was eligible to vote.
That means that "We the People" has never meant "all the people.
" Six percent? That's not democracy.
Hell, I tip more than 6%.
When the service demands it.
Mm.
Everything we've been taught is a lie.
Junior.
Junior, you asleep? Nope.
Just given up hope.
Well, good.
Means you won't need this popcorn.
Wha DRE: Junior started out trying to answer a simple question about why he was purged from the voter rolls, but he ended up facing some unpleasant truths about how America wasn't living up to the ideas he'd been taught.
Doing a deep dive into the founding of America, Junior went down a rabbit hole, looking up presidential writings, searching unfair voting practices, with an occasional break to snack on scalding-hot pizza rolls.
He was investigating whether voter fraud is real or not, all in the pursuit of understanding our system.
If only there was some way I could help him understand.
Welcome back to "Democracy in Jeopardy!", the only game show that combines all the fun of trivia and all of the unfairness of the American political system.
Our next question Who votes to determine the winner of a presidential election? - The American people.
- [Buzzer.]
- The Illuminati.
- [Buzzer.]
- The Electoral College.
- [Ding.]
- Good for you, for $100.
- [Cheers and applause.]
The president, in fact, is chosen by an unelected group of 538 people who you've never heard of.
Who are they? How did they get there? You'll never know.
Uh, that's the definition of the Illuminati.
Judges? Uh well, the judges say they can't prove that you're not right, so, Charlie, you get $100.
Yes! Can I get that up out you right now? Our next question.
True or false Even with the Electoral College, everyone's vote for the president counts the same.
- True.
One person, one vote.
- [Buzzer.]
Ooh.
Sorry.
The answer is false.
States with smaller populations get more power.
So if you're from Wyoming, congratulations! And if you're from California, prepare for the Big One.
But you are better off than all the people in Puerto Rico and the U.
S.
Virgin Islands and all of the other less vacation-y U.
S.
territories.
They have no say-so in who the president is, but lucky for them, they still get to pay taxes.
- Mm.
That part.
- [Chuckles.]
All right.
Here's our final question.
Why was the Electoral College implemented? Illuminati! It's got It's gotta be the Illuminati.
- [Buzzer.]
- Ooh.
Sorry, Charlie.
The answer is slavery.
The answer is almost always slavery.
Did you know that four of the first five presidents were from the South? The other, John Adams, was from Boston, the South of the North.
[Laughs.]
[Buzzer distorts.]
Uh-oh.
Looks like we're out of time.
Let's tally up the scores and see who our winner is for today.
Okay.
It looks like our winner is Contestant One! Yeah! What? But I'm winning.
Ooh.
You were winning.
But your points only count for three-fifths of a White man.
[Gasps.]
Thanks, Founding Fathers.
[Theme music plays.]
I never knew our elections were so unfair.
[Scoffs.]
Oh, yeah.
I learned that the hard way.
In the Sprite Remix "Meet LeBron" contest, I voted 8,000 times for my favorite flavor, and what did I win? Nothing! Plus, I drank so much soda that now my teeth are soft.
It makes no sense.
My entire life, I have heard "one person, one vote.
" But it turns out that my vote doesn't matter as much as other people's? Okay.
The Electoral College is messed up.
But hold on.
Ah! The Fifteenth Amendment gave Black people the right to vote.
That should've fixed things.
Oh.
Look.
Here's a kids story about what happened once we were finally able to vote.
Oh, hello, children.
Would you like to hear a story? You would? [Chuckles.]
It says here it's all about a young man down South who's finally old enough to vote.
And it's called "Frankie's Big Day.
" Would you, could you read it with me? All right.
Here we go.
Mmm "Frankie couldn't help but gloat.
'Look at me! I'm old enough to vote!' He walked to the polls in his new red vest.
Where a man said, 'Look here, boy, you need a literacy test! If we say it's correct, then we'll know if into the voting booth you can go.
' Frankie knew he was smart, so he wasn't afraid, till he heard the questions, which made him dismayed.
'How many bubbles are in a bar of soap? Spell "backwards" forwards.
Can you? Nope? Well this one's easy, so don't get lippy.
Interpret the Constitution of Mississippi.
' With a heavy broken heart and a lump in his throat, Frankie left and walked home, unable to vote.
" The End.
[Sniffs.]
That's the end of "Frankie's Big Day.
" [Utensils crash.]
[Bleep.]
that noise.
[Mug shatters.]
Man, it's like every time we jump over one hurdle, they throw two more in our way.
Wow.
Sounds terrible.
Do you know our dentist's phone number? [Scoffs.]
Junior was losing his faith.
Every bit of solid ground he tried to stand on turned out to be quicksand.
But he still had an ember of hope.
Thank God for the Voting Rights Act.
ANNOUNCER: Please welcome Dick's first guest, The Voting Rights Act of 1965.
[Funky music plays.]
- Not bad.
- [Laughter.]
How are ya? I'm fantastic.
I mean, I remember when I was just a glimmer in Dr.
King's eye, and now I'm fully enacted, sitting here with Dick Cavett.
Good to see you.
You too.
Do you mind if I brag for a minute? In the two years I've existed, I have made voting fairer in this country.
I have eliminated literacy tests and placed observers in problem states.
I'm not gonna name them on television, but [Southern accent.]
y'all know who y'all are.
[Laughter.]
[Normal voice.]
And Black voter registration is up 100%! - [Cheers and applause.]
- Yeah, makes me so happy, I just have to dance.
- [Funky music plays.]
- Hey! Hey! ANNOUNCER: You know her, you love her, she's an icon.
Put your hands together for The Voting Rights Act of 1965! Yes.
Ho ho! Hello.
Nice to see you.
How you doing today? Well, I'm still doing my thing after 30 years! So, yeah, I guess I'm holding up all right.
I noticed that.
Just upon looking at you, you've got it goin' on.
Thank you, thank you.
But what I really got going on is some hard work.
You know, since I started, the South has moved from three Black state legislators to over 250! And Washington now has 40 Black Congresspeople.
[Cheers and applause.]
Oh, I hear that.
Y'all want me to dance.
All right.
Need a shoulder roll.
Give me that shoulder roll.
Hey! Hey! ANNOUNCER: From Hollywood, it's "Jimmy Kimmel Live!" [Cheers and applause.]
Very good to see you.
You look great.
Like your hair.
It's good to see you.
- How How are you doing? - Not great.
It's been a nightmare since the Supreme Court gutted me.
That might be a little bit unpleasant.
Yeah.
For almost 50 years, I kept problem states from discouraging Black and minority voters.
And then the court turned around and ripped out my Section 5! That's right.
And so And let me tell you, once the court ruled, a bunch of states drew up new maps, diluting minority voting power.
They enacted new voter I.
D.
laws and killed same day registration and cut polling place hours.
And I was helpless to stop it.
[Slurps.]
I'm sorry I'm not more fun.
I know I normally dance, but there's nothing to dance about.
Nothing! Damn.
Why the longer face? All our lives, we've been told how important it is to vote - Mm-hmm.
- to change the system.
But it feels like the system just keeps on finding ways to make sure our voices don't matter! You know, I'm starting to feel like this country isn't what I thought it was.
Hey! Don't talk like that.
You know what? I got just the thing for you.
- [Whoosh.]
- There you go.
[Hip-hop music plays.]
Yeah, I just wanna focus on my vote I ain't got no time, I got to work Yeah, rent is comin' up, I need this cash Plus, I got a couple terminations in my past, yeah Gotta ask my bosses for a day off But if I do, I know I might get laid off I just wanna focus on my vote I just wanna focus on my vote, yeah 'Cause now I'm old enough, but I ain't know So many things were gonna hold me up Wanted to rock the vote when I was growin' up Now they hit the re-rock, how they slow me up I just want to get to the ballot I just want to feel like I'm valid Put in my vote, I can have it But that shouldn't feel like magic It's the best way to make my voice heard And that should be automatic That's my American right I just wanna focus on my vote Why'd you show me that? Now I feel even worse.
Uh, yeah.
That's why I showed it to you.
Everything I thought I knew about voting is wrong.
The more I look, the more I see there were a million roadblocks set up from the beginning.
The greatest trick that the Founding Fathers ever pulled was convincing us that we were a real democracy.
Maybe not everyone deserves their right to vote.
It would probably work better if there was just one young woman with amazing glasses and dimples who made the decisions for all the mouth-breathers out there.
- Um - And if they had a problem with it, then the streets would run red with their blood.
Junior had come to the end of his search and found the worst possible thing the truth.
America hasn't wanted Black people to vote since the day this country became a country.
He learned that the system isn't broken.
It's working exactly how it was designed.
"Streets would run red with their blood.
" Ooh, I like that.
I'm gonna tweet it.
- [Whoosh.]
- Okay.
I don't even know what to believe anymore.
Did Sam Adams even make beer? Okay, how am I supposed to enjoy secret cake with you here watching me? Man, that's not secret! [Sighs.]
What's wrong, son? Are you still upset that you got kicked off the voting rolls? - Just go re-register.
- Why? So they can figure out another way to keep me from voting? [Scoffs.]
I'm out.
You're out? Yeah! Everything I have been taught about the promise of this country is a lie.
From the founding to the way that the Electoral College disenfranchises people to the way that even when we got the right to vote, we had to pass all these crazy tests.
Every time we have earned the right to vote, they have figured out some way to claw it back from us.
Dr.
Wilkins was right.
Dr.
Wilkins? That dude from the Internet that Pops loves that thinks mayonnaise makes you sterile? Yeah.
I mean, the science is still out on that one.
But he is right about there being a conspiracy against us voting.
Well, it is a conspiracy.
It is.
"A group of people plotting purposefully to do something harmful.
" That is the definition of "conspiracy," son, and it's been happening since jump.
So you get why there is no point in voting.
Hey, I see why you're frustrated, son.
The machine was built to keep us out.
But the only time that things changed in this country is when people did whatever it takes to make their voices count.
From the Civil War to Women's Suffrage to the Civil Rights Movement, America got better when more people voted.
[Leon Bridges' "That Was Yesterday" plays.]
Yesterday, I had nothing Didn't know whether I'd amount to something I had holes in my shoes and in my clothes We must say "Wake up, America! Wake up!" For we cannot stop, and we will not and cannot be patient.
OBAMA: and that the faith of this democracy depends on how we use it, that democracy isn't automatic.
It has to be nurtured.
It has to be tended to.
We have to work at it.
It's hard.
So we're also gonna have to remember what John said "If you don't do everything you can do to change things, then they will remain the same.
" That was yesterday "You only pass this way once.
You have to give it all you have.
" That was yesterday So, you see, you have to vote, son.
I know it may sound hopeless, but that's what they want you to believe to keep you from participating.
But the ballot is the best weapon we have.
[Sighs.]
Okay.
Let me tell it to you like this.
There are people out there who are working their asses off to keep us from voting.
Now, they're only doing that because they are afraid of our power.
I'm gonna re-register.
Good.
All right, now, while you're out there doing that for the next couple of weeks, checking and double-checking to make sure that you're still on the voter rolls, can you check my name, too? [Chuckles.]
Of course.
All right.
[Chuckles.]
- Hey.
- Hmm? You think I got booted because we have the same name? You know, like, maybe they thought it was a duplicate? [Chuckles.]
You really think it's that simple, son? Nah.
It was definitely something sinister.
Yeah.
That's my boy.
Yeah.
Uh-huh! That's Andre Jr.
talking right there! Ha ha! I never thought he'd leave.
Ooh.
Sticker.
What are you doing? I just voted.
But you didn't leave the house.
Yeah, I'm voting by mail.
Not surprisingly, they are doing all they can to slow down mail service, so I'm sending it in as early as possible.
Mm.
You trust the post office? Of course I do.
You don't? No way! Dr.
Wilkins says that all the post office delivers is diabetes.
Thank God he can't vote yet.

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