#blackAF s01e05 Episode Script

1 I've heard one of the hardest things to do in life is play an instrument and sing at the same time.
[STRUMMING, SINGING.]
[GASPS.]
[SPLASHING.]
[DREA.]
Another really hard thing to do is separate the art from the artist.
["DNA" BY KENDRICK LAMAR PLAYING.]
It's especially hard when you're black.
We don't have as many icons, so it hurts a little more when one of ours goes down, but that's the thing about being black.
You get used to things being taken from you, which is ironic, seeing as we invented the home security system.
Not that one.
- [BARKING.]
- Not that one, either.
- Yeah, that one.
- [BEEPING.]
The one with the buttons.
Hey, big ups to Marie Van Brittan Brown, by the way.
Sex, money, murder, our DNA - [DOOR CLOSING.]
- [KENYA SIGHING.]
[KENYA GROANS.]
Well, thank you for taking the time from your video shoot to do this interview, Dad.
Come on, you're a TV writer.
You look ridiculous.
- You look like a blind drug dealer.
- Okay.
Just Please ask me your question.
Such a hater, dude.
- Fucking hater.
- Okay.
So, Dad - Yes.
- I wanted to talk to you about how black people in this country always seem to be on guard.
It's because of slavery.
- [DREA.]
Yes.
I know that part.
- Okay.
I'm trying to get to the bottom of something else here.
No, I know.
Whatever question you ask me, the answer's gonna be "because of slavery.
" So, yes, I can do this all day.
Anything.
You know what I'm saying? Why do we like that? Why do we eat this? I can trace it back It's my North Star.
It's the thing that guides me in life.
So, is the reason why you're wearing a Mr.
T level amount of jewelry because of slavery too? Such a hater.
Yeah, hater.
It's a Pusha T level of jewelry, but yeah, it is.
You know, our chains that we used to wear, remember those? Those were made out of, like, fucked up, like, old train tracks and shit.
You know what I'm saying? So now, they're made out of gold and diamonds and and rose gold.
So yeah, so take that, slavery.
Wow, you're really trying to justify spending my trust fund.
Just tell me, is there anything left? You know what? Don't answer that.
- [CELL PHONE CHIMES.]
- Okay, just just humor here please.
Okay.
Is it just me or do people in your generation really seem to look out for one another? Um Dad? - Oh, my God.
- Hello? Shit! They don't have it in my size.
- I'm gonna buy it anyway.
- Are you shopping? Oh, my God.
And just like that, I'd lost him, to a Mr Porter sale.
And who would shop low to high? It's high to low.
[DREA.]
And in between him cursing the fact that they didn't have his size in a Sacai velour-lined track pant and him wondering what the shoe conversion chart was for the UK, I eventually just gave up.
That is, until he dragged me and my mom to an advanced screening of a new black film, directed by a black director.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING.]
[DREA.]
So the audience clearly liked this movie.
[LAUGHING.]
And me and my dad clearly did not.
[MOUTHING.]
What the FUCK is happening? [UPROARIOUS LAUGHTER.]
You either with me or against me, ho Ho You either with me or - Wait - Win, win, win, win, win - Yeah - Fuck everything else Win, win, win, win Win, yeah Let's go! Let's go, let's go now! - Crazy, right? I mean - That was so crazy.
Crazy.
[JOYA.]
Whoo! [MUTTERING.]
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
- Yo! Game changer, right? - Yo! Yeah, the game has definitely been changed.
- I mean, fucking fuck! - Yeah.
It was like a tour de force of radical poignancy.
- This was.
- A hundred percent.
- Yes.
- Hey, Kenya, this is the type of film - people need to see right now.
- This is.
- A hundred percent.
- Yeah, one hundred Everybody's so juiced that you are doing the panel next week.
- Everybody knows? - Everybody.
It's gonna be litty! - Litty.
So every so everybody knows? - [LAUGHING.]
My guy! - A hundred percent everybody.
- Okay.
So, the director of this film [BLEEP.]
asked my dad to introduce it in front of an audience of peers, critics and fans and then, like, lead a Q&A afterwards.
My dad agreed.
My dad agrees to everything.
I just heard he's doing a David Alan Grier biopic.
It's basically the Buckwheat prequel.
It's going down.
You gonna be there? - Okay.
- My guy! We have to My guy.
Oh.
And if you've noticed, I'm bleeping out the names of any actual artists or artists' work due to the fact that my dad is in this industry, and it's how he takes care of my mother and five siblings.
Also, I hope to one day be in the business myself, and I'd rather not have to change my entire name.
- Hey, hey, hey! Hit me.
- We No, my guy, - we have to go right now.
- It's called Lawyer, Wife, Mother of Six.
It got into Stedman's hands, so it's like one step away.
But I'll let you know.
- I'll hit you up on DM.
- Okay.
She will.
- Why are you rushing me? Damn! - [KENYA.]
We have to go.
- We have that thing.
- [JOYA.]
What thing? [KENYA.]
That thing we have to go to.
You cannot do that panel, Dad.
I definitely can't do that panel, right? - No.
- Wait, why can't you do the panel? - Did you see the movie? - Yeah, I saw it.
So, then you understand why I can't do the panel.
Okay, whatever.
Wait, I'm sorry.
Did you like the movie? Yeah, I liked it.
I thought it was good.
[DREA AND KENYA.]
You thought it was good? I thought the cast was good, I liked the writing.
[DREA AND KENYA.]
You liked the writing? Relax, okay? I don't watch movies like you guys watch movies.
You mean lucidly? With the tiniest amount of discernment.
No, with a giant stick up my ass.
I watch movies for pure entertainment.
That's it.
You look cute and I'm so turned off by you right now.
You know what I liked about it, is you just don't see black characters in movies like that.
Oh, my God! Dad, I just want you to know that when you guys split up, I'm going with you.
This is why you're my favorite.
Okay, what was so bad about that movie? You know what, Par Par? You wanna take this one? You know I do.
Uh, first of all, there was five characters named Bobby.
For the entire 25-minute Roscoe wait, I broke down everything that was wrong with the movie.
Exactly.
[DREA.]
From the story being contrived, to story holes, to plot points missed, to lazy direction.
I think, at one point, I said anyone involved in the film should be set on fire, man, woman, or child.
[GRUNTS FRUSTRATEDLY.]
- [POPS.]
Dad.
- [KENYA.]
What's up? - Can I ask you a question? - Yeah.
There's this girl at school, and - [KENYA.]
Hold on.
- Never mind.
No.
Go.
I want to hear it.
Okay, so, there's this girl at school and I really like her.
Yo, Dad, you have to this.
[BLEEP.]
got a 99 on Rotten Tomatoes.
Hold on.
What? Oh, my God.
Move, dude.
Move! What's this? Look! - What is happening? - I I don't know.
A 99 for [BLEEP.]
? - Yeah.
Okay, the consensus - Dad - Dude.
Fall back.
- Can you give me a second, bud? Please.
Just one second.
Okay.
The consensus is that it's a game-changing tour de force of radical poignancy that America needs right now.
What? [SCOFFS.]
They're basically saying it's a perfect movie.
They're not basically saying it, Dad.
They're saying it.
What What did The Godfather get? A 98.
What did Godfather II get? A 97.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Hold on, what did Heat get? [INHALES SHARPLY.]
Heat got an 86.
Heat got less than [BLEEP.]
? - Heat? - Yeah.
That's what I'm saying.
A movie with maybe the greatest ten minutes in the history of cinema? Go! What is going on? [DREA STAMMERING.]
I don't know.
I have no idea.
[SIGHS.]
- Dryan.
- [POPS.]
Dad.
Bud, you got to give me a second.
Okay, bud? Seriously, I was winning anyway.
Yo, have you seen [BLEEP.]
? Is your assistant on the line? Yo, man, between me and you, I have seen it and it is not it.
Am I a hater? [POPS.]
Okay.
Peace.
[DREA.]
So, while Dad tried to find answers Mom was stumbling into some questions.
[JOYA.]
Oh, Stink! You look so cute! What's this? "Five things I love about myself: hooper, sister, straight-A student, sneaker enthusiast, boss.
" Well, you know where you get that from.
[LAUGHS.]
Stink.
Did you put "boss" because you take after your mama? What are you the boss of? Right.
Stink I hate to be this person, but did did you, I don't know, maybe leave out a word that you would use to describe yourself? I don't know, what? You're black, sweetie.
- Well, I mean, I guess.
- You guess? [JOYA.]
What what are you guys doing? We're dancing.
- No, you are not.
- I'm doing the Orange Justice.
I'm flossing, y'all! Me too! Fuck.
I crippled my kids.
Not only do they not identify as black, even worse, they can't dance.
Not being able to dance is worse than not identifying as black? Cut the shit, Drea.
Okay? I'm not in the mood.
I know you forget this from time to time, but your mother is not 100% black.
Mom, you're the blackest person I know.
You're black when you don't even need to be black.
I've got a tall caramel frappe for a Black Joya? Oh, that's me.
[CHUCKLING.]
That's mine.
I'm Black Joya.
What? You don't understand, okay? When you are mixed, you are constantly tested on your blackness.
How many pairs of bamboo earrings do you have? What's your favorite episode of Martin? Name the Fab Five.
Name the Jackson 5.
Name the Central Park 5.
Name all the members of the Wayans family.
Do you know? No.
It doesn't matter 'cause you're not mixed.
Chick-fil-A or Popeye's? A.
1.
or Lawry's? Can You Stand the Rain or Can You Stop the Rain? These are important questions.
Whoa! Yeah, exactly, whoa.
And if you know how to dance, it gets people off your back immediately.
That's currency.
Can your mom dance? Sure.
[HIP-HOP PLAYING.]
Can you also see her mouthing the beat count? Also sure.
That son of a bitch.
He's talking shit about my dancing? [HIP-HOP PLAYING.]
Why does this bother you so much? Because he doesn't dance, he does the two-step.
He just goes from one side to another Not the two-step, Mom.
The fact that your kids can't dance.
Because I am their mother.
Okay? And it is my job to send them out into the world with a toolbox filled with things that they will need and they could pull out whenever they want, and this is currency.
They need currency.
Do you know what I'm saying? I I think you just said what you're saying.
So you get that they need things in their toolbox right now.
- They need currency to pull out.
- I got it, Mom.
I got it.
I want them to have that in there so they can pull it out - when they need it.
- Okay, crazy! [KENYA.]
Space Jam got a 35%.
Can you believe this shit? [JOYA.]
Kenya.
We have a problem.
Yeah, with Space Jam, 35%.
Michael Jordan fighting aliens, 35%.
Top Gun? Fifty-five percent.
Maverick, Goose, Goose dies.
No.
No, no, no.
We We're having a barbecue.
- We have to have a barbecue.
- Okay.
Okay? A black barbecue.
- What? - With just your family.
O Okay, why just my family? Because my family is the problem! You guys heard that? Don't do that.
- I'm just saying.
- This is important.
Okay, we're having a black barbecue with my family because your family's the problem.
Hey! Hey, stop this right now.
Put the guns At least if you're gonna shoot a gun, shoot it like that.
Like that.
Mm.
Have you ever seen Boyz n the Hood? Let's go.
Kids, I need you to put that Oculus up.
- Why? - That thing's not released yet.
It might as well be a bag of Colombian dope.
What my dad is doing right now is both despicable and brilliant, which probably describes the man I love to a T.
He's hiding everything he cares about before his family shows up.
Chlo, can you put the ride in the neighbor's yard? - What about the Rover? - You think we should move the Range? I mean, it is the Autobiography.
Goddamn it, that's why you're my favorite.
Danny! What the fuck are you doing, dude? I'm taking all your art down.
- Why? - Because it's valuable.
Fucking brilliant, man.
[JOYA.]
Babe? Is there a reason that the laptops are in the dryer? [SCOFFS.]
You are so mixed.
What? - Ridiculous.
- Drums please! ["SUMMERTIME" BY DJ JAZZY JEFF & THE FRESH PRINCE.]
[DREA.]
If you haven't gotten it by now, my dad doesn't love being around his family.
We see them three times a year and they live 15 miles away.
I mean, I know they're from Inglewood and all, but he acts like we've never seen a Crenshaw hoodie or Nissan Maxima.
The sad part is, I actually really like all of them.
Okay, so there's cousin Harold.
Ex-gangster turned [PIANO PLINKS.]
[DREA.]
We're not sure yet.
What's up, cuz? Hey, let me holla at you real quick.
No, I'm not gonna sell you any of my pee.
So, what, you just about to flush it down the toilet for free? That ain't good business.
I know your pop's got money, but you gotta think smart, cuz.
I'm trying to put you on the game.
Hey, look, I'm [DREA.]
There's Uncle Ray, who, for some reason, is impressed by everything.
I wanna ask y'all, how many of these water bottles do y'all have? Just, like, enough for everybody.
Like, everybody get their own water bottle? - Yeah.
- That's crazy.
School is out And there's sort of a buzz [DREA.]
There's Uncle Ray's daughter, Simone.
What you looking at? [DREA CHUCKLING.]
Uh, I was just saying hi.
I've never seen someone have such an adverse reaction to eye contact.
I swear to God, keep looking at me.
- Trying it today.
- [DREA.]
Okay.
It's nice nice talking to you too.
And then there's Aunt Nadine.
Sweet as pie.
Oh, hey, baby girl.
Um Top this off for me, all right? [DREA.]
But also drunk as fuck.
- What are you drinking? - Well, I usually only do brown liquor.
- Okay.
- Or vodka.
Or tequila.
- Okay.
- Or gin.
Gin, I mean, just, yeah.
Don't put too much ice in it.
I don't like it watered down.
[DREA.]
And then there's my grandpa.
Stone cold player.
Smooth.
- How you doing, darling? - Hi, Grandpa.
Looks like he probably sung "Stand by Me.
" That's my granddaughter.
She's beautiful and smart.
- What's up, love? - Hey, girl.
I followed you on Instagram.
I can't get a "follow" back? [DREA.]
That's my grandpa's girlfriend, Tashina.
- I got you.
[CHUCKLES.]
- [DREA.]
Could be 28, could be 45.
Either way, it's gross.
Hey, Grams! Grams is my favorite because she always says exactly what's on her mind.
The yard's a mess.
See, that's what your daddy gets for letting all the De La Hoyas do the work, you know what I'm saying? [DREA.]
Which is sometimes too much.
Could have used Peewee right in the neighborhood.
Peewee's Yard Sowing and Hoeing.
You know I'm talking about Not that kind of hoeing! - Oh, I'm tripping.
- Come on now.
I see you got your titties.
[DREA.]
To be fair, my whole family is a lot.
- Fast.
Fast.
- [NADINE.]
They're not fast.
- They are fast.
- That's their momma's side.
- I know.
- [LAUGHING.]
But I wouldn't trade any of them.
And as much as he won't admit it, my dad wouldn't either.
- Hey, what's up, cuz? - Yo, what's up, Harold? Shit, hey, let me ask you.
- You change your number? - Naw, no.
You sure? No, I don't think so.
I might be tripping.
Let me see your phone real quick? Let me just call my phone and make sure I changed it.
I changed it.
- Can't be doing that, cuz.
- I At least, notify a nigga, know what I mean? All right.
That's my bad, dog.
It's all good.
Look, though.
- I wanna holler at you about something.
- Oh.
Okay.
Look, my life, that shit like a movie.
No, man, I ain't even just talking.
That shit a movie, my nigga.
Who better else than to tell my story than family, know what I mean? - You ain't gonna fuck it up.
- No.
So let me put you onto what it's about.
It's a nigga, right? Like, a real nigga.
Sometimes they have like Taye Diggs as a nigga.
He ain't no nigga.
- Right.
- A nigga like me, you know what I mean? - Exactly like you.
- Hot like me, right? - I could be in it.
- You should play this, right.
Nigga, exactly.
- I ain't even gotta act.
- Right.
- Nigga, it ain't even acting.
- Right.
I just exist in that shit.
Know what I mean? Nigga Netflix movie.
Me on the cover like this.
Gangster shit.
Know what I mean? They got a whole audience.
Niggas in the hood.
Niggas in penitentiary.
They got Netflix in penitentiary? - Probably.
- They should.
- They should.
- That's perfect, though.
Matter of fact, I could be a producer too, 'cause I know how that shit in my life is.
Who gonna tell the story better than me and you? - Nobody.
- Could eat off it too.
We could do that shit together.
Yeah, we could build off that.
I know you got the plug, the connect.
So you got a gangsta with a wig on, that eliminates the whole stigma of toxic masculinity in the African-American community.
- They eat that shit up in Hollywood.
- Hold on, hold on, dawg.
So, you want to do a comedy - about a Crip dude - Right.
- from the '60s - Okay.
that pretends to be a female Blood from Inglewood Family? - No, from Compton Piru.
- Right.
Yup.
And the only reason he get in, pull up on the enemy and you hear, "Pow! Pow! Pow!" Let loose in that bitch.
So it's a plan to, like, infiltrate from within.
- Precisely, cuz.
- Got it.
It's like Deep Cover meets Juwanna Mann.
Right.
Of course.
Hold on, did you like Juwanna Mann? Hell, yeah.
This nigga wanted so passionately to be in the NBA that he put on a wig and I understand the conceit of Juwanna Mann.
- I get it.
- So you know why that shit hard.
No.
Nigga, it's your classic comedy about a man putting on a wig.
Tootsie.
Some Like It Hot.
Nigga, Mrs.
Doubtfire.
Rest in peace, Robin Williams.
Dawg, those are fucking classics.
Like, bangers.
Why? 'Cause they white? Them shits ain't nothing but white Juwanna Manns.
Damn.
Hmm.
I fucked you up with that one, huh? A little bit.
Yep, that's what I do, cuz.
I told you my shit hard.
So how should I proceed? How should I move forward? What? Proceed? So we can move forward with the whole process.
A nigga like you, you probably got a white boy on the payroll.
Who the white nigga I gotta email? - Email Danny.
- Danny.
You got a laptop? I can go to the library.
Nigga, I'm hungry! I'm willing to do anything.
Nigga, I'll put this shit on a pigeon and fly that bitch to Danny.
I'm ready to work, cuz.
- You hear me? - All right.
- I'll handwrite the nigga.
- Email me.
I'mma email I'mma email Danny! - White Juwanna Mann.
- White Juwanna Mann.
Gangster shit.
Nigga, I'mma pull up in the Oscars with a motherfuckin' track suit on, nigga.
I wanna thank the homies, the whole set.
Yeah, family, he ain't about to be the only nigga in here making money! I'mma put on all y'all lil' niggas.
Old motherfuckers too if y'all still alive.
["THE DEEP END" BY GETDOWN PLAYING.]
I've become addicted to the fast life Make sure that the money in the bag right I live on the edge in the deep end Guys, come here quick.
Please.
Quick! Quick, look.
- Do you see your cousin Tre dancing? - Mm-hmm.
Yeah, he's, like, literally the only one dancing.
This is important, okay? Look how hard he's riding that beat.
Go in there.
Go in there.
Go dance! [IZZY.]
Nope.
I live on the edge on the deep end I live on the edge on the deep end On the 10 Doing 100 in the Lambo Backseat looking like Rambo I'd call them back if I were you.
Guys! Come back.
Come back.
Kam! Come back.
No, we're good.
[RAY LAUGHING.]
Hey, man, nephew.
You know, I don't mean to be disrespectful, by eating all your food, man.
And, you know, looking at your wife.
- What? - [RAY CHUCKLES.]
Yeah, man.
[KENYA.]
What are you talking about? Why you looking at my wife? I mean, but no disrespect, but you are acting a little white lately.
[KENYA.]
What? - Yeah.
I gotta say that.
- [COUGHING, LAUGHING.]
- Don't do that, Dad.
That's not cool.
- [RAY.]
Real mayonnaise.
Acting like one of them white newscasters that be on Channel 6.
- [LAUGHTER.]
- I'm acting white because I feel like a good movie shouldn't get the same review as a bad movie? You know what I'm saying, like, I literally saw [BLEEP.]
get six points higher than Titanic, which is obviously the better movie.
- Better to who? - [KENYA.]
What? Who's it better to? - What do you mean? - Who gives a fuck about Titanic? Titanic wasn't nothing but Romeo and Juliet - on a nasty-ass boat that sank.
- [GRANDPA.]
Straight up.
Unc, I was saying that same shit about Juwanna Mann.
- Oh, my God.
- Man, I love that Juwanna Mann.
- You do? - I saw it again last week.
- That shit hard.
- I'm telling you.
All Juwanna Mann is is Tootsie.
[RAY LAUGHING.]
- [HAROLD.]
Exactly.
- Tootsie! That brother should have been the next Brad Pitt.
I'm telling you.
What is happening right now? He played a woman and a man at the same time.
And was hooping! - That brother is talented.
- [RAY.]
That's right! Whatever entertains you, if it entertains you and you like it, fuck it! You like it! Don't tell me what I should like when I like what I like.
- Come on! - Fucking bum fights are entertaining.
You wanna sit up and watch bum fights all day? I like to see two dusty motherfuckers I'd rather watch a bum fight than that goddamn, what, Citizen Kane! You'd rather watch bum fights than Citizen Kane? - Yeah.
- What the fuck is Citizen Kane? - What is Citizen Kane? - I ain't never heard of that shit.
I shouldn't be having this conversation with you guys.
Citizen Kane is, is, is, is when some citizens is doing cocaine.
- Come on! - Yeah, change Rosebud to Snowflake, we in.
[LAUGHING.]
Hey! Now that's a movie I will watch.
- Citizen Cocaine.
- Why would you watch that? [HAROLD.]
More real than Citizen Kane.
While you're doing this, you need to go do this.
- What, I got some shit? - [KENYA.]
Yes! There's kids.
You should've There's kids out here.
Y'all let me walk around like this? - That's Citizen 'Caine.
- [HAROLD.]
Yeah, well [NADINE LAUGHING.]
So, why Why you ain't done nothing with that Tyler Perry? - Yeah.
- Um We we might.
We might do something.
Oh, wait.
Did you see that that funeral movie he did? - Ah! - Yes! That was so funny! Me and your pops saw that thing and we was screaming the whole time.
[LAUGHING.]
You sure it was the movie making him scream? - [NADINE LAUGHING.]
- I'm going to the bathroom.
Oh, why? You feeling itchy? Huh? What's wrong with y'all? Why y'all so mean to that lady? What do you expect me to do? Child's 12 years old.
- I gotta ask y'all a question.
- [NADINE.]
What? You saw those Tyler Perry movies.
Did you see Green Book? - Green Book? - Green Book.
The movie that won the Oscar last year.
The Academy Award for best picture? - Who who was in it? - I don't know nothing about Green Book.
Can we get it at the Redbox? I'll look at it.
- We'll look at it.
- Yeah.
I don't know nothing about no book.
A green book? I'll watch anything you want me to watch.
Yeah, we'll watch it.
Is it good? Why did I make my family watch [BLEEP.]
that day? Because I know the one thing they'll do that Hollywood won't do is keep it completely real with me.
There's no way in hell they're gonna like that shit.
None.
Trust me.
[LAUGHTER.]
Oh, my God! Wasn't that good? Wasn't that? That is the best film my son has ever made.
That was so good! [ALL TALKING EXCITEDLY.]
I did not see that coming.
Dad, the last movie these people probably paid to see was Uncle Drew.
Here's the thing, though, Dre Dre.
Like sometimes, you got to just listen to the public, hear the people.
You can't always be that quirky, indie, intellectual girl who looks down on everybody.
Dad, that movie was not good.
Who are we to decide what's good? What, you're quoting Uncle Ray now? I think I gotta do that panel.
I do.
I think I got to do it.
Okay, thoughts.
I loved it.
I mean, serious, it was crazy.
The one car was like [IMITATES CAR.]
and the other one was like [IMITATES CAR.]
Man, I've never seen no shit like that before.
What did you guys think? I thought it was really interesting, honestly.
Like, super professionally cast.
- [LEEZA.]
Yeah.
- Like paid actors? Yeah.
[JEROME.]
Well, yeah! They were really good.
They look like they showed up on time.
They knew their lines.
- The lead actress was beautiful.
- [NELSON.]
Yeah.
- I mean, really pretty.
- The lead actress was beautiful? Yes, that happens often.
Another thing I noticed is that a lot of times they use a small font for the credits, but these guys used a huge font, and I loved that.
What the fuck what is going on, dude? What did you guys think about the movie? Did you like it or not? - [NELSON.]
Um - [LEEZA.]
Well, there was [GROANS.]
See, this is the problem right here, dude.
Dude, why are you afraid to be honest? I think maybe it has something to do with the environment you've created.
What? You always Look, this is a black movie, man.
And you're black.
- [KENYA.]
Yeah, I am.
- This could easily be a set up.
- You're telling me this is not a set up? - [KENYA.]
What? - So is that what this is about? - [JEROME.]
Little bit.
You're afraid to talk shit because this is a black movie? I don't think I want to hear them talk shit about a black movie.
Okay.
- That's true.
- [JEROME.]
That's fair.
Mikayla, you and I need to hang out more.
You smoke? Mikayla's throwing it at me, right? I mean, I'm not crazy, right? [DREA.]
Um I'll keep an eye out for it.
Bet.
[CHUCKLES.]
Guys, seriously.
One time, complete pass, no repercussions.
Just be honest, what the fuck did you think about the movie? [JEROME EXHALES.]
Who's going first? - I'm going to do it.
- Now talking.
Of course you are, right? I did not like it.
I wanted to walk out, but then I remembered that I was at work.
So I couldn't.
- Okay.
- [JEROME.]
It's terrible! The whole conceit is just flawed.
I don't understand why [BLEEP.]
even brought [BLEEP.]
into this.
- That was crazy, right? - It made no sense! It made no sense.
Because the movie was a fucking train wreck.
It was a train wreck, and, you know, it was black this and black that, and I was like, "Is that supposed to be impressive?" I've never seen you speak so passionately.
Or wave your head like that.
What's that? What? I Hey.
Where was that when I asked the first time? - Why weren't you just honest? - I don't know, we're not crazy people.
Like, we can't say that to you, you know? I'm not black.
I can't speak to the black experience, but I was pretty sure in that movie, like, right away, it shit the bed.
And it wasn't that professionally cast.
There were mistakes.
But what about The driving was dope.
Come on! That's your thing? - Black people can drive fast? - Drop it.
So is that it? Are we saying this is what's happening? That the critics are white guys like you and they're afraid to say anything because they think if they say something, it'll be like, "We're speaking bad against a black movie.
" So they say, "It's great.
It was amazing.
" Yes, exactly.
That's exactly what's happening.
No, look, I think it's all these movements too.
The #metoo, the #timesup.
- #OscarsSoWhite.
- [NELSON.]
Yeah.
It's the times we're in, all right.
Everybody's on eggshells.
You can't say anything about anything ever, you know? In fact, I shouldn't' even said what I just said.
Emily, do not write that down.
Where was all this when fucking New Jack City was going on? - [NELSON.]
Right? - Where was its 99? 'Cause it definitely fucking deserved it.
Okay.
Let me just say this.
Is it such a bad thing? This wave of black film and TV? Like, does it matter what scores they get, as long as they're getting made? But isn't there a better black filmmaker that needed their movie to get made but that movie got made? - And his film can be made too.
- [JEROME.]
Sure.
Is there, like, a freedom in, like, being allowed to make bad movies? That's what King fought for.
The freedom to make bad movies? Yes.
[DREA.]
You look torn.
I am.
Fucking torn.
I thought you said you got it wrong with this one, though.
Dude, you don't have to be that dude right now.
Seriously.
Can you just please tell me what you think I should do? Well, unlike you, I would have been honest from the jump and said, "This movie is garbage, and I cannot endorse it because I'm not in the garbage-endorsing business.
" The world's going to kick you in your jaw.
Seriously, just jump up and just roundhouse you.
You'll see.
[DREA.]
My dad was obviously in the weeds on this and looking for more clarity on white critics and black cinema.
So we went to New York to track down a pretty reliable source on the matter.
- Yo, this room is fucking dumb, dude.
- I know.
This size in Manhattan? You think this is on Expedia? [TYLER.]
Uh, I don't think so.
- How you doing, man? - [CHUCKLING.]
Oh! - Yeah, this is expensive.
- Oh, my God.
- How you doing? - It's Tyler Perry.
- What's up man? Good to see you.
- What's up? How are you? - How are you? Hi, Drea, how are you? - Hi.
- Good, how are you? - Good.
- Good to meet you.
- [LAUGHING.]
Yo, you are a big motherfucker, man.
Do people know you're this tall? I'm not sure, but do people know that you speak this way in front of your daughter, using that language? No, it it's cool, man.
It's just, you know, - you're you're cool, right? - Yeah, it's cool.
Are you really? No.
Not really, but what am I gonna say? He's my father.
What are you talking about, dude? You curse at me all the time, dude.
You told me to go fuck myself on the cab ride over here.
Yeah, because you told me you and Mom were thinking about aborting me.
- Kenya.
- No, I didn't say that.
I said me and your mom visited a few abortion clinics while we were pregnant, but it worked out.
Wow.
I am never raising my kid in LA.
That is crazy, y'all talk to each other like that.
- Wow.
- No This is my baby.
It's kinda our thing.
We have a special relationship.
It's Yes.
One that's totally devoid of respect.
I get it.
Hey, I gonna talk to your dad.
Help yourself.
There's some great stuff over there.
Okay, come on, come on.
Let's talk.
Do you mind? - That's from over there? - Yeah.
Yeah, I kind of do.
- Really? - Why you looking around the room? Really, yeah.
Them motherfucking chips are $35 a bag! - What? - Yes.
What kind of potatoes are damn $35? I need to go to Idaho and find that fucking potato.
- I kinda already opened it.
- Just Go ahead, Kenya.
What's going on, man? Tell me.
I mean I feel like you have figured out the beat of your own drum and that's what you dance to, and it works for you and you don't seem like you care.
I don't.
I don't know how to do it, man.
I feel like I really care what white people think.
I think I care, like, a lot.
I care what everybody thinks.
To be honest with you, I feel like that's almost all I care about, it seems like.
What other people think.
That's really sad, man.
It's a sad existence.
It's not It's not a great life.
It seems like every time I do a project, the first thing I do after the project comes out is go to Rotten Tomatoes.
Let me tell you about them tomatoes.
- I don't fuck with them.
- With tomatoes? I don't give a damn about it, rotten or fresh.
None of that means shit to me.
[STUTTERING.]
That's amazing.
What about critics? I don't give a fuck.
I guess that's amazing.
Can I just tell you why? Let me tell you why.
- Please.
- Because Listen, man.
I know that I'm telling stories that my folks want to see.
I'm talking from our point of view, we're speaking a language, we're speaking a shorthand that we get that white people don't necessarily get.
Nina Simone said this and I never forgot it.
She said, "You will use up everything you got trying to give everybody what they want.
" You got to focus, man.
You know what I do? I super-serve my niche.
We speak a language.
We're talking.
We know each other.
We get it.
There's a lot of times I see shit that win Oscars and I be like, "What is this shit?" I walked out halfway through it.
I don't get it.
And listen, I feel like they feel the same way about my work.
They don't get it, which is all cool.
My mother, born in Jim Crow south in Louisiana, down the street from Mississippi where Emmett Till was murdered.
She told me the value of being who I am, of my blackness.
She said, "Don't you ever let anybody tell you who you are.
You know who you are, you know where you come from.
" I watched her stories, her struggles, and that's what I'm telling.
I'm telling the stories that I come from, and that's why they're winning, because people are recognizing themselves in these stories.
No matter how crass people think they are, no matter what the critics say, "Oh, I don't get this shit.
I don't understand what it is.
" I don't give a fuck because I'm talking to us.
That's why millions of people are watching my shows every week, that's why people keep showing up and sending the movies to number one.
I'm talking to us, connecting with us.
You know what I'm saying? Let me tell you what you're doing.
Trying to get them to approve you.
That's what I don't get.
Why are niggas running around to get white folks "Please tell me I'm special.
Oh, give me your Oscar.
Let me know I'm all these things that you want me to be.
" Fuck that.
Tell your story, live in your own life and your own culture.
Tell your own experience.
Can't nobody tell you how to be you.
You hear what I'm saying? - I do, man.
- [TYLER.]
Good.
- I really really fucking do.
- Good.
Thanks, Tyler Perry.
You're welcome, Kenya Barris.
We doing government names? I just felt like it was a special moment.
Yeah.
All right.
- [CRUNCHING.]
- You done? God, these chips are phenomenal, dog.
Seriously.
I guess I'll never know.
Yo, have you seen [BLEEP.]
yet? Yo, is your assistant on the line? Can can she clear the line? Thanks, Alex.
Yo, between me and you, that shit is trash, dawg.
Like trash-trash.
Is it my fault? Okay, everything's your fault, so you're gonna have to be more specific.
Is it my fault that they can't dance? Oh, of course it's your fault.
You're the whitest person I know.
What? Don't You're the whitest person I know.
- That's such a white clapback.
- You're a white clapback.
- Great.
That was Wow.
- That was not good, I know.
I know.
- Hey.
- Let me call you right back, dawg.
Do you think it's my fault that the kids can't dance? I don't have any time for this right now, babe.
Why? What's going on? [KENYA SIGHS.]
This panel shit's got me fucked up, man.
- Why? - Because, first I was gonna do it, then I wasn't gonna do it, but now I'm thinking maybe I should do it.
You need to stop messing around and just do that goddamn panel.
What? This is serious.
Why you playing around? This is serious.
You know what's serious? That your house has a crack in its foundation.
- That's serious.
- Cracks are bad.
We have a huge crack, and you are riding that wave right now just like [BLEEP.]
.
- So, I suggest you play the game.
- What? You go to the panel, you do all the things to keep it up because I want to make sure that this beautiful, overpriced home doesn't deteriorate, which could kind of happen any day.
You think I'm riding some kind of black wave? Yeah, it's a good thing.
- No, it's not! - We should be celebrating.
Jesus Christ, dude.
Is nobody keeping it real with me? Like, is everybody just thinking I'm on this wave too? Am I trash and nobody will tell Do you think I'm trash? What? No! No.
As a black woman, which I am, I support everything and anything you do.
#supporteverythingblack.
What? Hashtag support ev What is what is that? What do you mean, what is that? - What is - #supporteverythingblack.
- It's a thing.
- It's not a thing.
- Chlo.
- What? - #supporteverythingblack? - It's definitely a thing.
I feel like she's been stealing money out of my wallet.
She might have been, but she knows what's up culturally.
Dude.
I'm trash.
["I WANT TO KNOW WHA LOVE IS" BY FOREIGNER.]
It's one thing for white critics to be scared of me, but it's a completely 'nother for my people to only mess with me because they feel like they have to.
Last five years of my life, I've pretty much killed myself.
Is any of it real? The deals the awards I wanna know what love is Is it all just bullshit? Why does it matter? Why does it matter? Babe, as a writer, it's all that matters.
You're constantly wondering if you're a fraud, or if you're just running around fooling everybody.
So what, you think you're fooling everyone? No.
I don't know.
Maybe.
- I just know we got to fix this.
- Fix what? The system.
It's broken.
Or maybe we can figure out some kind of high council that makes informed and educated decisions on everything black.
- A high council? - I don't know what I'm saying.
Maybe I sound crazy, but we gotta figure out some way to police our own work.
We have to.
We have to.
And wouldn't you know, my dad, like he's done a million times before this, was able to say something completely insane and somehow see it through.
[PHONE RINGING.]
- [KENYA.]
Hey, guys.
- Hey, KB.
What's up, dog? - What up, what up? - We here.
Thank you guys all so much, seriously, for hopping on this call.
It means a lot.
I know you guys are all super busy.
Thank you.
Was this a choice? 'Cause it really didn't feel like it.
You've been mad aggressive with the calls lately.
Um Okay, I mean, I tried you 12 times before I got a call back.
I actually can't believe you got all of us together.
It's an incredibly talented group of people.
It kinda feels like history in the making.
Okay, I don't know why everything has to be about history with you, Ava.
I think you're gonna actually see this call is much less historical than you think it's gonna be.
So, Kenya, what are you trying to do? Start a Black Illuminati or something? I promise you, it's not what I'm doing.
Dude, that shit already exists, man.
Jay-Z and Swizz Beatz started that shit.
- Okay, Lena.
- Oh, okay.
[LENA.]
I'm I'm not lying.
I've been to some of the meetings.
- It's like a real thing.
- How you get invited? Like, they have meetings and stuff.
You get free haircuts.
Jordans the day they come out, you know what I mean? You get, like, clear skin, a year's supply of shea butter.
Like, you always get a first-class seat on Virgin Airlines.
It's a real situation.
They got actual Black Illuminati cards.
Guys, can we kinda It doubles as a key to your Tesla.
- Lena, come on, man.
- I'm real! Can we get back to what this call was about? Did you guys see that link I sent you with the movie? What did you think? Who did it? [BLEEP.]
.
So it was pretty good.
Pretty good.
Yeah, I agree.
It was, it was it was cool.
I'm going to stop you right there.
That shit was not cool.
There was nothing cool about that movie.
You guys know it.
Dude, come on! You know what I'm saying? How are we ever going to get better if this is how we are with each other? We have to be able to talk honestly if we want our art to progress.
We do it all the time with white stuff.
Why can't we do it with our own stuff? You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't know, like, if I asked you what you thought about Green Book.
No.
Please don't bring up that movie.
- [TIM.]
Oh, all right.
- Okay, Ava.
Happy for Mahershala, though.
Happy for Mahershala.
[KENYA.]
Always happy for Mahershala, uh, but let's keep talking, let's keep that kind of loose environment.
We're feeling real.
That felt real.
Let's go on that.
Let's go that route.
- Um, Iss - Huh? I happen to really, really enjoy Insecure.
It's a good show.
What do you think about my show, Black-ish? Oh! Uh It's fine.
Fine? Yeah, I mean, it's It's for families.
I love black families, so - Uh-huh.
- I mean, I think some of your episodes could use some story-structure help in the third act Because fucking Wrinkle in Time was so ground-breaking? I'm sorry, you know the innermost feelings of nine-year-old girls? - I'm sorry.
- I wouldn't put it past him, Ava.
Black-ish seems to tap into the hearts and minds of 55-year-old white women.
[SCOFFS.]
That's very funny, Tim.
Guess it was no Ride Along 2, though.
Whoa.
Is that what we're doing now? We're setting people up? Dude, nobody's setting you up.
I'm just saying.
Come on man, admit it was a money grab.
We all do money grabs.
Come on.
Will, back me up.
You're the king of money grabs.
Back you up how, dude? Uh, first of all, you got 7,000 projects in development right now.
You literally say no to nothing.
I probably would have said no to Night School.
Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
First of all, you didn't get asked to write Night School.
Second of all, uh, Night School made a hundred million dollars, - so you'd been sayin' no to that, sir.
- Preach.
Maybe if they had called it "Night School-ish.
" [LAUGHTER.]
Ha-ha.
That's very funny, Tim.
Yo, Tim, good one.
Hey, Tim, you know what? I'm about to hit you offline right now.
We need to talk writer ideas, 'cause my Girls Trip 2 writer just fell out.
- I'm the writer for Girls Trip 2.
- I'll hit you right now.
Yeah.
We should hang up on him.
All right.
Okay.
Now that I guess we've gotten through that first round of bonding over mutual disdain of my career, maybe we can talk about some other stuff.
Can we talk about how we feel about Power? People wanna talk about Power? Kenya, this is not what I signed up for.
This is not constructive, brother.
This is not positive.
[STAMMERING.]
This is not the beautiful gathering I thought it would be.
Um, I'm I'm good.
Thank you.
Have a good hot mess of a whatever you're doing here.
Goodbye.
You know what? I'm out too.
Will and Tim are calling and they're probably talking shit about you, so I want to join that.
Bye! Could you [SIGHS.]
Guess it's just me and you, Lena.
That was definitely shots fired, bro.
I got That shit cut me, you know what I'm saying? Like, I like Black-ish, you know what I'm saying, sometimes.
- [SIGHS.]
- But look, - I think you're right.
- What? We gotta talk about this shit, bro.
You've got a point.
I don't like to admit that, 'cause you're crazy, but you got a point on this one, bro.
You do.
The dude that made Grown-ish and Black-ish and Mixed-ish is actually making the points-ish.
- Look bro, when's the panel? - It's tomorrow night.
Okay, that is very last-minute.
I, um I don't You know what? Okay, I'mma cancel something.
I'mma cancel something.
I'mma cancel something.
- I'mma come.
I'mma come.
- Are you serious? - I'll do it with you.
- My God, thank you, Lena Waithe.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
But look, look, we got to be honest, though.
We're gonna talk real.
We ain't gonna lie no more.
- Wow! - If somebody gonna tell the truth, I guess it's gotta be me.
I'm that motherfucker.
I already done stepped in it with Will and Denzel.
I've apologized.
We're cool now.
[SIGHING.]
I'm willing, I'll take the hit.
I'll take the hit.
The black, masculine-presenting lesbian will take the motherfucking hit.
Let's go, Kenya.
Let's go.
It's go time.
[APPLAUSE.]
[DREA.]
So, in the spirit of my dad and Lena keeping it real, I figured I'd do the same by showing the director's face.
I was ready to let the chips fall where they may.
Ready to see history made.
- [KENYA.]
Congrats.
- [DIRECTOR.]
Thank you.
Thank you guys for coming tonight.
Um, thank you, Lena, for joining with me.
Um I can jump in if you want.
- Whatever.
- Okay.
Cool.
I'm just gonna, I'mma get right to it.
So, the ending What were you going for with your ending? [CLEARS THROAT.]
Um, I would say I would argue that, uh, the ending, it's a commentary on the social injustices that we, as black people, face post-civil rights, where every other marginalized group in this country has made tremendous strides forward, but we we tend to be straggling behind.
The imagery of a black man playing a trumpet on top of a cotton gin, that ties earlier to the imagery of the record player playing the same song that the trumpet player was playing at the end of the film.
And, if you remember, uh, in minute 72, you see that pair of tap shoes, the same pair of tap shoes that the main character, the protagonist, had been saving up for the entire film.
They don't think I should have called the ship the SS Diabetes.
They felt like that was on the nose.
So, if black joy is used to tell the story of a tap-dancing fry cook on the Death Star, then let it be known.
So that's what the ending was about.
[KENYA.]
Hmm.
Wow.
- Yeah.
- Um [CROWD APPLAUDING.]
But I think the thing that I'm wondering is, like, at what point do you feel like any of that was a part of the movie? Because I'll be honest with you, it felt a little bit scattered and unfocused and kinda pedestrian? [LAUGHS, INHALES SHARPLY.]
[KENYA.]
No offense.
Oh.
Okay.
Uh Don't insult it three times and then say "no offense.
" Scattered and pedestrian? [KENYA.]
I think this is the issue.
Okay, well, clearly you didn't like it, right? I'm I'm not saying I didn't like it.
You had problems with it.
You're taking issue to it.
Lena, you know what? You have any questions? I would love to hear I would love to hear what you thought.
Me and Lena talked, all right? She has some things to say, but I mean If I could, you know, interject.
- Uh, I mean - [KENYA.]
Please.
Thank you.
To be honest I liked it.
[CHUCKLES.]
You know what I mean? [CROWD APPLAUDING.]
I think you're saying a lot in the movie.
It's a lot of movie.
We're not used to seeing ourselves in these kind of roles, but ultimately, this is an important film.
- It is? - [LENA.]
It's a film we need to see.
Kenya, we gotta root for black people.
We gotta support each other.
At least in public, you know what I mean? We need black unity.
[APPLAUSE.]
Yeah, yeah.
Lena Waithe, everybody.
[CROWD CHEERING.]
[LENA.]
The future right here.
The future of black cinema, man.
Oh.
All right.
We'll see.
Kenya, we'll talk.
We'll talk after.
- I don't think that's necessary.
- [LENA.]
Okay.
- [JOYA.]
How'd it go? - [KENYA.]
I told him how I felt.
[JOYA.]
God.
That's exactly the opposite of what I told you to do.
Yeah.
[SIGHS.]
Dude, the only reason I said anything or even care about any of this is 'cause I'm, you know, I am, dude, I'm hard on myself.
I feel like I'm coming at him the way I'd want him to come at me.
If he had something to say about Black-ish or this or that, I feel like I'd want to hear it, and that's the reason I want to tell him the honest truth about his thing.
I want him to be not just a great black director, or I want to be not just a great black writer, I want to be a great writer who's black.
Why can't you just be with other black people and enjoy the success that you all collectively have? Because the only way that we're going to keep each other in the conversation is to really police each other, because we're right now in this thing where white people aren't gonna be honest with us.
They're either gonna celebrate us publicly because that's what's hip right now, or secretly, behind the closed doors, wait for our demise.
So we have to sort of tell each other the truth.
That's the only way we get better.
I don't know if that's our job.
That certainly doesn't feel like my job.
Whatever my job is, I have not done a good job.
- We failed.
- Yeah.
We both failed.
I mean you a little bit more than me.
I think you failed worse than me.
At least mine's not about money.
- How big is the crack? - It's big.
Let's pray to God we don't have an earthquake, you know? You know, I don't say this a lot, but I'm proud of my dad.
I really am.
You know, he put it all on the line.
Most people wouldn't have the balls to do that.
Probably for good reason, though.
Man might have ruined his career.
It's fine.
I didn't think he'd make it this far anyway.
No one did.
I got, I got, I got, I got Loyalty, got royalty Inside my DNA Cocaine quarter piece, got war and peace Inside my DNA I got power, poison, pain and joy Inside my DNA I got hustle, though, ambition, flow Inside my DNA I was born like this Since one like this Immaculate conception I transform like this, perform like this was Yeshua's new weapon I don't contemplate, I meditate Then off your fucking head