Boat Story (2023) s01e03 Episode Script

Episode 3

Oh, hi. Did you miss me?
So, remember when Janet and Samuel
went looking for someone
to buy all the drugs
they found on the boat?
Do you know anyone who would buy it?
Samuel's ex-client Craig
put them in touch with Vinny.
Argh! Ouch!
And in return he asked for
Life rights.
Janet and Samuel came up
with a cover story, cos
There is nothing more powerful
than a good story.
Unfortunately, the guy
buying the drugs was all
What you doing with a business card
belonging to a lawyer called
Samuel Wells?
But then Janet saved the day -
dressed up, all tattooed
and Russian-like.
Everyone needs
a lawyer. He is mine, come, come.
And Vinny had a change of heart
and said
I'll name the time and place.
You bring the product.
Meanwhile Ben found a flyer
this guy, who's name is Guy,
left behind.
And The Tailor met this lady
and called her Madam Bethune?
That's not her name
but she didn't mind cos
This were a bit different.
Getting a bit of French up in me.
She even gave him a clue
about who took the drugs.
We're looking for a Pomeranian.
What's that, like, an Italian fella?
No, it's a dog!
Oh. You got all that? Oh,
and those life rights I mentioned?
Turns out, months later,
Samuel's ex-client turned this
whole thing into a play.
Insomnia! ♪
And not a very good one.
Tres bien.
This chapter of our story
starts way back when,
in a different country
and a different time,
a different language
and even a different colour,
but it doesn't stop making it a
Even bad guys fall in love.
And why the hell not?
Cos it feels like some days
the world has a little magic in it.
Right, we're nearly there.
Oh, shit. What? Fuck.
Me tattoo's rubbed off, look.
I can't go out like this.
Just stay in the car, then.
We should clear this up. Yeah.
Unless we don't!
Moment's passed, Janet. Yeah.
Can't talk now, Mummy.
But it's Martin Luther King Day.
We don't celebrate
Martin Luther King Day. Why not?
Well, we're not black, for a start.
You don't have to be black
to celebrate it.
You just have to have
an innate sense of justice.
I could close up the shop
if you fancied coming back
and celebrating with me. I'm on
a stakeout. What? A stakeout!
'Scuse me, you got any more
king prawn and black bean?
Buffet's closing.
Full price menu from now.
So I was cleaning up
the station, right?
And I find this flyer
for a Chinese restaurant
and someone's scribbled
a map on the back,
marking out where
the evidence room is.
That's what they were looking
for, the shooters.
Hang on, if you're on a stakeout
in a Chinese restaurant right now,
should you be saying this stuff?
It's fine, it's empty.
Anyroad, there was
blood all over the flyer.
And here's the kicker - there was
a 20% off voucher on the bottom,
and it's missing. OK
The blood looked like it would've
gone on the bit that were torn off.
Don't you see? The gunmen
must've tooken the voucher
after they did the shooting.
I've asked management here,
and no-one's used the voucher
that the flyer came from.
So, you think that someone
who murdered a station
full of police officers
is going to waltz into the nearby
Chinese restaurant
and risk getting caught
just to save a tenner?
Look, my mate Rob has a mate
who knows a detective
on the Major Enquiry Team, and
they say that they've got nothing.
Sometimes if you want to drink
champagne at the big table
with the big boys,
you got to bring your own straw.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
If this is important, as you say,
then how come you found it?
I would have thought
they had a forensics team
all over that police station.
There were. There still are.
It's just there's so much to do,
they ain't gone outside yet.
Well, if it's evidence, hand it in.
That's your job.
You don't believe me, do you?
You never have.
Oh, Ben, that's not true.
You just want me home
cos you're lonely. Ben, stop.
I can't be your BFF, Mummy.
Not now.
I've even taken time off work
for this. As much time as it takes
to crack this thing wide open, like
one of these lovely king prawns
that they're not going to bring me.
Then you'll see.
Then everyone's going to see.
Full price menu.
Dave, hi! It's Samuel.
Er, I just thought you should know
that I will be
paying you back today.
All of it. Cheers, mate.
OK, team,
I'll be back in, in a min.
Don't go missing me too much,
now, Kevin!
What you want, then?
I wanted that.
And then I I had it, for a while,
anyway, but I thought that'd be me.
You know, growing old,
having tea with my boy.
It were my life
and then it weren't.
Fuck's sake, sweetheart.
I missed out
on showing a two-bedroomed,
south-facing for this?
Do you think that people who foster
children love them any less?
Cos I don't. I think that maybe
they, they love 'em even more
because they had to choose it.
You know, when I first met you, I
thought that you were like a saint.
Your missus runs off with
a pharmacy's worth of shite,
leaving you holding the baby, and I
would look at you and I would think,
"Oh, wow!
"That takes a special
kind of someone, you know,
"to hold it all together,
stick it out."
But you didn't really want it,
did you?
You wanted to play at being
Saint Peter,
you wanted to wear the pointy
fucking hat,
but you didn't want all the noise,
or the I got to get back to work,
so if you're done lecturing
Look in the bag.
Look in it.
Go on.
There's 100K in there.
It's yours.
If you put the brakes on your plans
to go to Australia. You what?
Now, who's to say that you don't,
you know, you don't take that money
and fuck off to Oz anyway
without a second thought?
And that is why there is another
100K in there - that is 200 so far.
I give you that,
you go about the process of
letting me legally adopt Alan.
And guess what - wait for it,
cos we're not done yet -
when it's official,
you get another 200.
Where on earth did you?
It don't matter.
Well, it does bloody matter,
that's nearly half a million quid
you're talking about!
Do you want it or not? I
As a Christian man Oh!
You You are no more a Christian
or a a man than that sausage roll
on the floor over there.
I think it's a fajita.
You are a weak, weak,
fucking excuse for a human,
who was only out
for what he can get, which is why
you're not going to be able to say
no to this, are you, Peter?
Cos you want it.
You really fucking want it.
Don't you?
I really do want it, yeah. Yeah.
I can make some calls.
I I do know a bloke.
I can make it happen quickly.
That's nice.
It's really great that you're doing
this for him.
Really shows you care. I do.
And, you know, one day,
that'll be like you two, like them.
Oh Oh, OK. No, I
got that wrong.
I'll, um, get t'ball rolling.
Fuck off.
That's right, fuck off.
Have a good day. You too.
This is a story
about choices that define us.
About how good people
can do bad things.
But if you take anything away
from this story of ours,
let this be it -
important things happen on benches.
Oh! Afternoon.
You all right? Yeah. Lovely day.
Well, nice enough.
Yeah, right.
You having a good day? Yeah.
Yeah. I went to this place, erm,
The Shang Emperor, round the corner.
Yeah, I've heard of it. Yeah.
The hours on the all-you-can-eat
are a bit stingy, but I
I'd check it out if I were you.
I give it four Bens.
So my name's Ben.
And I rank stuff out of five Bens.
Just a little joke.
So tell me, what took away
the last Ben? Paper napkins. Oh.
So what brings you here?
Just waiting for something.
Yeah. Me too. Sort of.
Feel like I spend my whole life
waiting for stuff. Oh, amen.
Phone calls, pay cheques,
people, taxis.
Oh, delivery men,
appointments, trains. Yeah.
Internet speeds, people I'm waiting
for, people I'm meeting.
The list goes on and on.
It It does, it really does.
It goes on and on and on.
And Ariston!
And what?
It's nothing, just silly.
Do you ever feel like you're just
waiting around for stuff, but there
are, like, other people, who,
you know, don't
wait around for things?
What must that be like?
To be that guy, to be the other guy.
I've often wondered this.
Exhausting, I suppose.
Oh, thing after thing.
Yeah, just nonstop.
Right, I best be going.
Done waiting? Yep.
Time to be that other guy
for a change.
You take care of yourself.
You too.
Nice chap.
Hey, love.
OK. Your mum is a brilliant woman,
but she lives in a world
without clocks. That's all.
I didn't know it at the time.
How could I?
But the moment I took what
was on that boat, I lost everything.
My wife. Wife, wife, wife.
My daughter.
Daughter, daughter, daughter.
It's strange.
Strange, strange, strange.
It felt like the happiest day
of my life.
But the jaws of hell
were about to open and swallow me,
and all the people I loved, up.
As The Tailor's man
was following Samuel's wife,
The Tailor was following his heart.
I didn't think I'd see you again.
These are for you.
I wish to take you out.
Dinner. Drinks.
Whatever it is your heart desires.
No. Sorry.
No. No.
You are saying no to me?
I am, love. Yeah.
You live in France. You speak
French. You do French things.
Why start something when you know
it's going to end any day soon?
You said yourself you wanted to have
new experiences
to open up your world.
You can't teach an old dog
new tricks.
We learnt a few the other night.
It's for the best.
I will leave.
But, er, before I do,
perhaps I could buy, er,
also some delicious pasty?
Of course.
Oh, no, no, no, no. On the house.
No, no. I will pay.
I I insist, uh?
Oh, who's this?
How much is it, please?
Thank you. Thanks.
Janet had sat on that
bench for what seemed like forever,
basking in the glow
of a job well done
and a life finally going to plan.
Hello? Janet. And then
You need to meet me now.
It's urgent. Samuel?
Wha-what? What's wrong?
Just come. Now.
All right, OK. Hang on.
Are you fucking joking me?
You said it were urgent.
You need to celebrate.
You mean YOU need to celebrate. Yes.
With you. What, you ain't got
anyone else to celebrate with?
Who else in the world
knows anything about this?
I couldn't believe it.
We'd stolen a shipload of cocaine
together and here he was,
supping on a seafood tower!
But he was right.
Sometimes when you have a secret,
it hurts to keep it in.
And I'm a sucker for a langoustine.
Chuck us a prawn, then. Look.
Samuel Wells,
welcome to the 21st century.
Right, but what about, you know,
the gambling and temptation
and all that? It's fine.
I'm fine.
Who cares? I'm rich!
I'm rich! I'm rich!
I can shower in seafood!
Hi. Darling! Hi. Hi.
What are you doing here?
I was just walking past. OK.
Erm, cos Anya said you'd been out
for ages. She was worried about you.
Yeah, I haven't looked at my phone.
I was shopping, had a long walk.
Mm-hm. I explored while OK. were here with, erm?
Oh, right, sorry! This is Sally.
Yeah, I am Sally.
Yeah, Sally and I worked together,
erm, oh, years ago, years ago,
couple of cases, er,
then Sally moved back up here.
Actually, it was Sally
who first got me
thinking about this place
in the first place.
Yeah. Hiya. Hi.
Great to meet you. Yeah.
So, erm, how, how's the house?
You should come round for dinner,
tonight. See for yourself.
That's a great idea. Right.
Money can buy you many things.
But escaping an unwanted
invitation for dinner
is not one of those things.
I didn't think you'd come.
I didn't want your wife asking
questions about who I was.
And I'm really fucking hungry.
Let's make it quick.
Right, this is Anya.
Anya, this is Sally.
Right, she says she's sorry
she can't join us for dinner,
she just doesn't want to.
That's rude. Fair enough.
See ya.
Hi. Oh, hiya! Yeah,
I'm really sorry about the mess.
We're still unpacking. Er, let me
get you a drink. What is this?
Oh, that is a 3D printed model
of Samuel's head.
He's a huge Bowie fan, and his
friends had it made for his 50th.
That's weird. Yeah,
he has some weird friends.
Can we please eat? I have some
very high-end ingredients.
Where do you want me?
Just over here is fine.
Crikey. Eh? Oh, yeah, sorry,
this, er
Glasses got broken in the move.
No, no, I don't
I-I-I mean, lobster.
I don't think I've had
lobster before.
Oh, I thought you legal types
were always having fancy dinners.
Oh, yeah, er,
another nice surprise waiting for us
in this delightful new house.
Lobster and mice?
Now it's a fucking party. Oh!
Please, I'm all right. Yeah.
..And we'd been waiting
for about eight hours for this jury,
and, erm
..Sally turns to me -
and by this time we were so bored -
and she asks this question. So
She says, "If you, if you came
across the world's greatest treasure
"and no-one was watching"
"would you take it?"
What a funny question.
Yeah, I'm funny like that.
I'm always asking
fucking weird questions. Right.
And as soon as she asked that
question, I was like,
"Yeah, we could be friends." Mmm.
Well, you said you would
take all the treasure.
Right? Without blinking.
In fact, I think he answered
before I finished the question.
What would you do?
Depends. What on?
On how much I needed it.
Oh, that's a cop-out.
Flourless cake!
So I was thinking that, erm,
tomorrow we should, er,
go back to the storage unit
and divide up the money. OK.
Is ten OK? Cos I've
got to do something first.
Ten's perfect.
She's lovely.
Believe me, I know.
So's my daughter,
if somewhat, you know, antisocial.
Oh, God, I'm such an idiot!
It's OK.
It's no good without flour anyway.
No, I heard 'em say
they sold it already.
But, listen, I also know where
they're going to be meeting
to divide the money up.
Well, no.
No, because you told me
to be less conspicuous.
And I went away
and I looked that word up.
Four dead bodies is pretty fucking
conspicuous to me.
What? Tomorrow at ten.
Well, I'm going to be
un-conspicuous, ain't I?
Hiya. Morning.
Come here.
That were very tight.
What are we doing here? I thought
I'd, er, buy you a new tuba.
Cos you said the one that you
borrowed from school was a little bit
The mouthpiece keeps giving me a rash,
which I'm pretty sure is herpes.
But you can't afford this.
What's going on?
Things are changing.
Maybe, I don't know, maybe I'm due
some good luck for once.
Hey, listen, I, erm, I had a word
with your dad and, er, well, he's,
he said, we
we-we agreed that
..I'm going to become
your legal guardian.
If that's OK with you?
Come on.
Janet. Hiya, I'm so sorry I'm late.
I'm already inside.
Oh, OK.
Sorry, I couldn't say anything.
Now take me to the money. Move.
Who are you? Move!
Oh, shit.
What have you done?
Where's the money? I
I It wasn't me. Where is it?
Why would you assume it was me?!
Well, where is it? Just calm down.
Calm down?!
Are you fucking telling me to calm down?!
All right, then THINK!
My life's on the line here, too.
Why would I risk that?
I don't know, why did you gamble your life
savings away? Why did you quit your job?
I didn't quit my job,
I was struck off, OK?
Well, you were wondering why I can't
trust you! Shut up! Enough!
Now let me get this straight.
Are you seriously telling me
that you genuinely,
I mean genuinely, don't know
where that money is? Yes.
We've got no idea.
I'm going to ask you one more time.
And I'm going to ask you
to promise on your life.
And I fucking mean that literally.
Cos you saw the news, yeah?
You've seen what I'm prepared to do.
Go through a whole police station
to get to you two.
I knew it!
I promise you, I swear to God,
we do not know anything
about where that's gone.
We don't know anything about it.
OK, then. Let's go.
We need to look at the, er,
CCTV in the corridor.
You what? Our unit got broken into.
Number 13.
That's a police matter, that is.
All sorts of forms and so on,
I can't be doing that
We can do without all that hassle.
Right, love?
I mean, life's too short,
innit? For all that old bollocks.
Yeah. Yeah, sure.
Course. Erm
Corridor outside 13? Yeah.
Yeah, when? We were last there
about 10am yesterday.
Listen, I just want to say,
I really appreciate this.
I'm going to make sure you get
five stars on the old, y'know?
I want to give it five Guys.
You see, that's my name. Guy.
And I rate everything in Guys now.
"Staff here are so professional.
"I mean, really went
that extra mile, service-wise."
Hey, I've got an idea.
You know I could even
put your name in the review.
What is your name, love?
Belinda. Oh, Belinda. Yeah.
Beautiful name. There.
Go back.
You know him? Oh, unfortunately.
Sorry, can you go forwards?
It looks like it just stops.
How long after that man left?
Er, let's see.
He comes in at 9pm last night,
camera cuts out 20 minutes later,
maybe, and then it's back on
an hour after.
Slimy, sneaky, rat-faced CUNT!
Sorry, Belinda. Sorry.
You sure he's going to be there?
It's a match day. He'll be there.
Yeah, you better hope so.
Your boss
does he know about us yet?
Well, he knows I found you.
So, he knows our names? Nah.
He only knows I'm on it.
And I'm not going to bother him
until I get the cash.
Because The Tailor likes
to be given solutions. Not problems.
The Tailor?
Doesn't he have a real name?
What do you care what
his fucking name is? I was, er,
I was just curious, I suppose.
About the man we stole from.
Why are you still talking?!
Oh, I keep meaning to go there.
Sorry? The old Shang Emperor.
I got a voucher an' all,
I keep meaning to go,
but work keeps getting in the way,
which is shit, cos I fucking love
a nice big plate of ho fun. Mm-hm.
You know them noodles, you know?
You know, the big, fat, tasty ones?
I love 'em. Yeah, I've heard
of them. You like noodles?
Er, yeah, I do.
I do quite like noodles.
It's like the Chinese saw pasta
and thought, "Hold my beer," y'know?
I love 'em.
Well, I thought you wanted to talk?
Hiya, Mummy! Hiya, kid.
How was the doctor?
Usual song and dance.
You tell him you're not shitting
properly and then they want you
to go for a full scale MOT,
which makes you Oh.
What you been playing at?
If you don't put the product out
no-one can buy it. I did.
It's all sold out. You what?
Every single thing. Sold out.
To, uh
..Monsieur Frenchington.
So, you and him, is it,
is it serious?
None of your beeswax.
If he's going to be my new Daddy, it
actually is my beeswax, cos you
All right.
I am not going to jump
back into bed with you
just cos you got a few quid.
Thank God, no, of course not.
You see, all I wished
was to get your attention.
And, er
Mm! What a delicious way to do it.
I've said everything
that needs saying.
But The Tailor
wasn't used to hearing the word no.
You made yourself clear, yes.
But you didn't give me
a chance to to respond.
It is true that, er,
I'm just a visitor here.
But what if
What if I was not?
Oh, bloody hell. We had sex once.
Twice. One and a half.
And you're going to move here?
There's words for that.
I said no such thing.
Only that, er
..I'm I'm open to to change,
to possibility.
I ask simply that you do the same.
We're not just
in different worlds, love.
We're in two difference galaxies.
Universes, even.
If it's possible to have
more than one universe, that is.
You have my number.
You seem awfully confident.
I know how this ends.
Oh, no, no, no.
What's he doing here? What?
Is that Is that your son?
I can't do this while he's here.
I'll be putting a target
right on his back.
I hate to tell you this, Janet,
but everyone we've ever loved
is already in danger.
We can't all go over. Well, just..
Just don't say anything, please.
Dad, Mum wants to talk to you.
W-W-What What's going on?
Where's the money?
You, you gave that to me,
we had a deal.
We know you went to the storage unit.
How'd you find it? Did you follow me?
I don't know what you're on about.
You're literally on camera
at 9:00 last night
and then you walk away
and half an hour later,
the CCTV just conveniently stops.
You paid him, didn't you?
I'd think very carefully
about what you say next, mate.
Because I work for the man
that that money belongs to.
I got suspicious
when you gave me
that money and-and, er, so
..I went onto-onto-onto your,
onto online banking and I,
er, saw the payment for the storage
unit. And I-I-I went and had a look
and I saw all the
..all the padlocks and, er, and the
camera and I thought, "No, thanks."
So what you're saying, it's just
bad luck the CCTV just cuts out,
is that it? Janet, please.
I am not lying.
Hi, Mum.
Al, Alan! Mate, come, come here.
What's that app, with the, erm
For the doorbell and the camera?
The smart bell?
Smart bell, yeah.
Can, can, can you have a look,
there? Can you check it for me?
Can you show these lovely people
what time I got back last night?
What's this about?
Just..bloody do it.
Quickly, please, now.
Ha-ha! 9:15! See?
Did, did I go,
did I go anywhere after? No.
Right, you, you can, you can,
you can go now. Not till you tell me
what's going on. It's nowt
to do with you, just piss off!
Mum? But I'm not your mum, am I?
She had the good sense to fuck off
before I did, so just jog on,
you're not wanted. Go! Please!
If I find out you're lying, I will
come back here and take you apart.
Now go.
Not your day, is it?
Where are we going?
Where do you think?
You're taking us to The Tailor?
Think, Samuel.
Your life depends upon it.
Think, Janet!
Your life also depends upon it!
Who took the money?!
Come on. Come on.
There must be someone.
There must be someone who knows
Huh, er, the,
the bloke, who, erm, the bloke,
the bloke from the storage,
the storage place.
He weren't, he weren't there today.
Right. Right, right, er,
and he would've had access
Yeah to those cameras so, erm
What was his
Ha Harry Henry
Harold! Harold's,
Harold's life-hacks! Right.
Yeah. He must Look, look him up.
He works at the storage facility.
He sees all the comings and goings,
like some all-seeing spider,
and we are flies in his web.
He saw what we put in that unit.
Are you sure?
We're grasping at straws
because straws are all we have!
Oh, erm, there's, er, there's,
there's an address for, for,
for fan-mail on his page. It's,
it's 70 more 74 Craigmin Road.
74 Craigmin Road. 74.
We have to go to 74 Please.
..Craigmin Road, cos that's where
the man who stole the money lives.
Do I look like I work for you?
Sh Shouldn't we at least try?
I thought you said that your boss
liked being given solutions not,
not problems, right?
Well, go on.
I think you've taken something
that doesn't belong to you. No.
You need No, no, no
Where's the money?
It's under me bed.
I ain't spent none of it.
You two were always in and out,
and you walked right past me
like I was nothing,
but I notice, see?
I watch and I wait and I see.
Mr Invisible over here.
Why? Why?
You didn't have to do that!
We don't have to do anything.
But we do it anyway, don't we?
Right, I'm going to grab the cash
and then we're going to get
the fuck out of here.
They'd found the money
but a lone wolf
was still trying to find them.
Show yourself.
Hello. Hi. Hiya.
You must be The Tailor.
We have We have your money.
My father was a tailor
and his father before him.
It's in my blood.
I don't need to do it and, er,
yet still I I cannot help myself.
One day a week, I find my steps
drawn to the old shop.
Tell me
..what were the the two of you
before you decided
to become thieves?
Some of the money's gone.
Half a million.
But we can get it back for you.
If you give us some time, we can
How much did you receive
for your first transaction?
Five million.
I'm sorry. I should
I shouldn't laugh.
I mean, well, things have been, er,
strange since I arrived here.
The product on that boat
should fetch twice the amount
you were paid.
We we didn't
Fuck. We didn't know that.
We didn't think No. No, you
you didn't think, huh? Hmm.
You didn't think
about any of this, huh?
Oh, I thought I felt it buzz.
You know that, er,
sometimes you think a text has come
and then, er
Well, perhaps I'm wrong.
Maybe she's right. Maybe, er
..our worlds are too different.
Anyway, kill them.
No, no! Please, please!
Please, I've got a son!
I have!
We'll fix this, I promise. We'll
find a way to get you your money.
Cinq million? Cinq million?
You're a comic?
No! No, no, no, no!
The bloke who we sold the stuff to,
we'll, I will get it back. We'll
find Please, just give us a
Oh! Stop begging,
it's embarrassing for everyone.
This is just business.
No! A day, a day.
Just give us a day.
What How, how could it hurt?
Let us at least try. How could
it hurt to just see what happens?
Those are the words
I used with Patricia.
"Let us see where this goes,"
I asked her.
I have never been so vulnerable,
so naked,
and still this taunts me with the
loudest silence I have known, no?
You are from here, yes?
Yeah. You know how these women
in the North think?
Er, I I, uh
There is a woman.
Do Do I give up? Do I continue?
Do I keep pushing forward?
I It's Tell, tell me
about her. What happened?
Cos, yeah, just like you said,
I am, I am a northern woman,
I I know how we think.
This is how foolish I have become.
Usually I would take my time.
Prolong the moment, uh?
But today is your luckiest one.
She wants to meet me for a date.
She says, er
What does this mean?
"Let's give it a whirl."
She wants to spin with me?
No, it's just, it's, it's a phrase.
It's an idiom.
It's, erm, like, let's give it a go.
Let's, let's give something a try.
"Give it a whirl." Ha-ha!
Oh, yes, Pat. Yes.
Let's Let's give it
Let's give it a whirl.
What a fucking roller-coaster.
It seems, er,
I'll be here longer than planned.
Go on. Take it.
Have another day.
24 hours.
Guy will keep an eye on you.
And know this -
I'm rooting for you, hey?
I hope you find the money, huh?
We all get what it is that we want.
Really "give it a whirl,"
she says, uh?
OK Come on, let's go.
There is one more thing.
What do I say to her?
How quickly things change.
How life can be saved by one
fortuitously timed text message.
Life isn't always simple, though.
Things aren't always
black and white.
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