Bob's Burgers s10e11 Episode Script


1 GENE: Can you believe that whole cafeteria fiasco? Are you talking about the lunch lady shorting you - a couple of tater tots? - Aka Tater-gate? Yes.
I told you, Gene.
You should have shoved the tots you did get in the lunch lady's tailpipe.
And burn that bridge? No.
Plus, any tot's better than not.
Suit yourself.
Get walked all over.
Speaking of walking all over, I'm gonna swing by Ocean Avenue Hi-Fi Emporium for a little bit.
That's, like, the third time this week.
Geez, for a guy who doesn't steal stuff, you spend a lot of time at a pawnshop.
It's more than a pawnshop It's a gathering place for gently used musical instruments and equipment.
And if you very convincingly suggest that you're thinking about buying something, they let you play with it! Gene, I think the guy's starting to suspect you don't really have any money.
Why? Just 'cause he says, "You again?" every time Gene walks in? That's just his greeting for everyone, I think.
Anyway, there's this drum machine.
I'm not saying we're in love, but I can't stop thinking about it, and I think it feels the same way about me.
- Lucky.
- I want to try out this idea I have for a sound/beat/electronic music installation.
It's a space cowbell that goes: Bluh-bluh-bluh-bluh-bluh-bluh- bluh-bluh-bluh-bluh Boo, space.
- You guys want to join me? - I could go for space cowbell.
I want to go help Mom and Dad at the restaurant.
(laughs): Of course I'm coming! Hey, Teddy! Late lunch for you today, huh? Me? No, I couldn't.
I-I already ate.
Just popped in to say hi.
So, hi.
- Hi.
- But boy, I would love a burger.
But I-I already ate.
- Yeah, you mentioned that.
- Anyway, I have this job this week that might keep me away from lunch here for a couple of days.
- Nothing weird.
- Why are you yelling? - Was I?! - You still are.
But I'll be back a lot.
Right? So after the job's over, it'll be like old times.
Just like old times, right? - We'll see you then, huh? - Mm-hmm.
Don't change.
Stay the same.
- (chuckles) - BOB: Uh-huh.
- Okay, all right.
- LINDA: Well - TEDDY: Uh, okay.
- You - So long.
- You know where to find us.
- I'm gonna go.
- Yeah, we'll be here.
- Yup.
-Goodbye, Teddy.
-Door's door's that way.
- Okay, yup.
I'm all right.
- Yeah, you're walking into a window.
(laughs) Where what am I trying to do here, Bobby? He's acting weird, huh? Yeah.
Maybe he drank paint by accident again.
- Hey, Dino.
- You again? Yup.
I just came in to show my sisters that sweet beat machine that I'm totally thinking about buying with all of my money that I have - that I was just recently counting.
- Right.
Hello, my pretty.
(electronic dance beat plays) Eh ? That's exactly what I thought it would be.
Powerful, right? Feel free to just let your body go.
Yeah, let my body go all the way over here.
You guys think I could pull off a tambourine? I could go by "Tambourine Tina.
" - "Tambourina"? - Maybe "Tina-bourine.
" Bluh-bluh-bluh-bluh-bluh-bluh- bluh-bluh-bluh-bluh - Bluh-bluh-bluh - (Dino groaning loudly) Look at you with your fingers in your ears! That's a fun dance.
- What's going on? - What? One of the tall plants in front of Pesto's - is moving by itself.
- Huh? Is that Teddy? - Of course it is.
- Hi, guys.
I-I just cut through the alley across the street to get in here from that job I might have mentioned that's not even on this street.
That's, um, that's great.
Okay! Fine! My job this week is at Jimmy Pesto's! There, I said it! Happy? Is that what you want to hear?! Teddy, calm down.
You would have done the same thing, Bob! I-I didn't say anything, Teddy.
Oh, okay! The silent treatment, huh? Real mature, Bob! Real mature! What am I supposed to do, not take the job? - I got to work, Bob! - Teddy What are you gonna do, tell me which jobs I can take? - No.
I - Congratulations.
You got everything you wanted! I'll just shoot you an e-mail about my upcoming jobs, and then you can just cross out the ones that you don't want me to take! What the hell was that? Yeah.
That was weird, even for Teddy.
(gasps) I bet I know what's going on.
-What? -He probably had a sexy dream about me, and now he doesn't know how to act.
It doesn't seem like it's that at all.
- What else could it be? - Well, probably the exact thing - he said it was.
- No.
A woman knows.
(electronic dance beat plays) Bluh-bluh-bluh-bluh- bluh-bluh-bluh Bluh-bluh-bluh-bluh- bluh-bluh-bluh Uh, Dino? I think you accidentally turned the drum machine off.
No, I definitely meant to do that.
- What?! - Every time you come in, it's the same thing you get your sticky little fingers all over the drum machine! Little? Thank you.
And it's pretty obvious by now that you're not gonna buy this thing, so you're just wearing out the merchandise.
I'm making it better! I'm saving all my patterns, so whoever buys this is gonna get a gold record for free! Um, I was gonna clear those patterns, so people wouldn't think the thing is haunted.
(gasps) How dare you! Gene's unappreciated in his time, - but give it another week.
- Yeah, trying being a Di-yes instead of a Di-no.
Come back when you have money and clean hands, huh? Until then, don't touch the instrument! Now, scooch! Wow, Dino, those are some harsh words.
I think it's best if one of us leaves right now.
- I work here! - It wouldn't be work if you loved what you did.
I was just about to buy two or three tambourines, but I guess we're leaving.
Oh, well.
You probably get this all the time, but you should be a little nicer, Dino.
You probably get this all the time goodbye.
You gave my brother sad face, and that kind of gives me mad face.
You're giving me "I don't care" face.
Hey, quick question: you ever see John Wick? Yeah.
Why? Well, I'm John Wick, and Gene is my puppy, and you're those guys who did something to the puppy.
I'm not sure what, because I only saw the trailer.
But I know enough about it to know that you're gonna pay.
Pay! You seem a little quiet today, Gene.
Well, these are soft tacos.
They can only get so loud.
Are you sure you're okay from yesterday? The whole drum machine thing? 'Cause if you want to talk, I've got two ears, and they're tuned to the listening station.
I'm fine.
You know what I realized yesterday? I don't even really like that drum machine.
I mean, all those zappy sounds, right? And the way the rubbery buttons felt under my soft, soft fingers? Oh, who am I kidding? I love that drum machine! There it is.
Let it out.
That guy Dino's a dingleberry wrapped in a dirty diaper.
And people like him need to get what's coming to them.
Whoa, no need for dingle-bashing.
So what are we gonna do to get Dino back? No, no, no, no.
Don't do anything.
Maybe I'll go by Ocean Avenue Hi-Fi and talk to him.
See if I can win him over with my effortless charm.
Do that.
Makes sense.
I'm gonna start walking to class now.
I'm moving a little slower than usual today.
(Gene groaning quietly) (groaning growing louder) Hey.
You guys want to help me get revenge - on a guy who's mean to Gene? - Who was mean to Gene? What did they do to my precious little lamb? I guess I'll do it if it doesn't take that long and I don't have to do much.
That's my kindhearted boy! I could move some things around.
I'm moving my thing around right now.
So, I was thinking Louise, are you sure this is a good idea? It sounded like Gene didn't want to do anything to Dino.
(chuckles): Tina, Tina, Tina, trust me.
We have to teach Dino a lesson.
Gene is gonna thank us for it.
So here's what we're gonna do.
(low groaning) Hold on, just gonna put my hand over Tina's mouth.
- (muffled groaning) - Okay, so TEDDY: Good burger today, Bob.
- Wh-What'd you use, beef? - Uh, yeah.
- Just, uh, just trying it out.
- (chuckles): Well it's a good idea.
Stick with it, because, uh it's, uh this is great.
- Eh.
- Yeah.
Stick with what works.
(chuckles) We-we got a little crazy yesterday, huh? Didn't we? Eh.
I'm just happy things are getting back to normal.
We both said some things that we regret, but it's all in the past.
So you really like the burger, huh? - Like it? It's fantastic.
- Well, you've taken two bites.
You want me to heat it up or something? - What are you trying to say? - I'm asking if anything's wrong.
You saying that I get free fettuccine on the job at Pesto's? That I come here full of fettuccine?! - That doesn't make sense! - (sighs) Oh, yeah, I was wondering what was on your neck.
- It's a noodle.
- That's not from me! I-It's a hazard of the job! There's noodles everywhere over there! I don't care either way, Teddy.
If you don't care, then why are you yelling?! Because this whole thing is stupid! Teddy, are you sure this isn't because you had - a sexy dream about me? - What? No! Recently? No! - I'm still not sure about this.
- Watch and learn, T.
You'll see how a little thing called "justice" works.
Okay, I'll send you in one at a time.
You ask to play an instrument.
Start playing loud and proud and don't stop.
Does it matter what we play? Nope.
As long as it's annoying.
Because I can play "Lady in Red" on a keyboard.
Damn it, Jimmy Jr.
, this is not a "Lady in Red" situation.
Why is nothing ever a "Lady in Red" situation?! Someday, buddy.
You'll do it.
God, I hope I'm there.
There's no need to get worked up over all this, Bob.
Oh, my God, Teddy, I-I can't stress enough how much I really don't care.
I don't want you to feel like you have to eat here, especially if you already ate some crappy, overcooked pasta.
- Hello! - Oh, hey, Mort.
- What'll it be, Mort? - What's good here? - Burgers? Ha-ha-ha! - (Bob chuckles) Oh, I see.
I get it.
I see! You and your inside jokes with Mort! Is that how it is now? What are you talking about? Oh, it's just a coincidence The same week I do a job at Pesto's, all of the sudden Mort comes in here and says something funny? Mort said something funny before.
I think.
He's using you, Mort! Can't you see that? - He doesn't even care about you! - Huh? - Teddy, please.
- He's trying to make me jealous, but it's not working.
Come on, Mort, let's get out of here.
- Uh - We're leaving! Get your things! I was gonna have a burger? Fine! Suit yourself! Uh, so, burger of the day? Please.
With a side of béar-mace.
(chuckles): See? I-I say funny things.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, yeah.
Okay, it's go time.
Zeke, we're starting with you.
- Go, go, go, go, go! - I'm on it! Hi there.
I want to buy that funny-looking guitar, but, uh, I want to see if it can handle what I'm putting out first.
But watch out, the guy who sold this to me was a glam guy I keep wiping it down, but there's always more glitter on it.
I hate glitter! I get it You're glitter bitter.
All right! Listen to her purr! (electric guitar blasting) Bongo, bongo, bongo, bongo, bongo, bongo - Bongo, bongo, bongo - Hey.
Remember us? I was the one who was about to heavily invest in tambourines.
It was probably a little easier when you only had my brother in here drum-machining his heart out, huh? You still feel good about making him feel bad? - What?! - I said, you still feel good about making him feel bad?! I can't hear you! Right.
It's hard to yell my big speech with all the noise! It's fine! I'll yell louder! You just got John Wick'd! Boom! Okay, Dino, I know you wanted me to stay away until I had some money and clean hands, and I may not have the money now, but my hands are Damn it! Okay, how about this? You get ten percent of all my future earnings from playing that drum machine.
What do you say? (high-pitched): You got it, Gene! (normal voice): This could actually work.
- (cacophonous music blasting) - What's going on? What are you guys doing here? New store policy! No one under 12 can demo any of the instruments! - No! - ZEKE: That's cool.
I'm 13.
(laughs) New store policy! No one under 14 can demo any of the instruments! Aw, dag.
Forever! No ! Surprise.
LINDA: Gene, why are you looking away from everyone while you're eating? Is there a butterfly in here - and it's making you mad? - No, Mother, I'm mad at a certain sister who's made it impossible for me to be together with my beloved drum machine at Ocean Avenue Hi-Fi Emporium - for three years! - Louise.
Whoa, why do you assume it was Louise? - It was you? - No, it was Louise.
I was trying to help, Gene.
The man was going to erase all of your patterns, which I still don't understand but it sounds pretty bad.
Plus, he wasn't gonna let you play it anymore anyway.
I could have worn him down! (chewing angrily) He still hasn't got what's coming to him.
We're going to level two now.
First, we served him appetizer justice.
Now we're serving him main course justice with a side salad of "Oh, no" and a bottomless basket of "Yeah! We went there.
" Don't do any of that.
It just makes everything worse! Okay, that's enough.
No more fighting with each other or anyone else.
- Uh, yeah.
- And you, Bob.
- Wait, what did I do? - You have to make up with Teddy.
What's going on with Teddy? - Nothing.
Never mind.
- They're arguing.
Maybe about a sexy dream Teddy had, maybe not.
- No.
- Just end it, Bob.
Put your hands on his hand, look into his eyes and whisper, "I'm sorry.
And I'll always love you.
" (sighs) Fine.
I-I mean, I'm not doing that, but I'll do something like it.
Look at me, I'm a peace broker.
Tina, who are you fighting with? What? No one.
- Tina - No one! Hey, don't get smart with me, Miss Missy.
Hold on, hold on.
Now you and me are fightin'.
Let's squash this thing, okay? Phew.
Aw, look at Teddy, - working out front so we see him.
- Mm.
Poor guy.
- Hello.
- Hey, Mort.
- (tires screech, horn honks) - Burger of the day, please.
- Hello, everyone.
- Hi, Teddy.
- (quietly): Bob, go.
- H-Hi, Teddy.
Um, I just wanted to say I - I am sorry.
- Yeah, great.
I'm just gonna stand over here while you're talking.
(quietly): Bob, go for his hand.
- Touch his hand.
- (grumbles) - Hey! - What the? Look! Mort's sneaking fettuccine in here! Look at what's on his lap! A bunch of fettuccine! Damn you, Mort! - Have you learned nothing? - Teddy What? Bob, just kick Mort out, right? - What? - Fair is fair! Did you bring that fettuccine in a cup, Teddy? What? No! What cup? It was Mort.
Mort had it.
Mort, grab your fettuccine! Put it back in your pockets! - Leave! - I really - Teddy, stop.
- Do the first honorable thing - in your whole life! - Teddy, you need to stop.
Mort's breaking the fettuccine rules! But I guess rules don't apply to Mr.
Perfect Mort, so I'm leaving! Okay.
Bye! What'd you say, Bob? I said "bye.
" Fine! Bye! - Could I get a rag or something? - (tires screech) Oh, right.
(birds chirping) So, I've been brainstorming all morning - on how to fix this.
- Fix what, your cowlick? Just wet it down.
Not that, but thank you.
I'm talking about how I can prove to Dino that I should be allowed to play that drum machine.
Or you could just destroy him.
I'm not talking to you.
I know Mom said to stop fighting, but I'm still mad.
Come on, Gene.
It's what he deserves.
Tina, tell Louise this isn't her fight to fight.
It's mine.
And it's not even a fight I would have picked.
But now that she started it, I have to finish it! Tell Louise - Can you repeat that? - Never mind.
I'm gonna figure this out, and you're not gonna do anything else.
- Right? - Fine.
Copy that.
Now I got to go to math class.
And we better not be doing fractions, because those are the devil's numbers! Okay, Gene.
You got it, buddy.
Not gonna get Dino back in any way! - And that's that.
- Yeah.
Hey, hey, guys, guys.
We need to come up with a plan to get that guy Dino back.
- Damn it.
- Didn't we do that yesterday? - Or different Dino? - Same Dino, new plan.
What do we know about this guy? What does he hate? Besides kids and modern hairstyles and pants that fit.
He said he hates glitter.
It was falling off the guitar I was playing, and he was all like, "Ew!" What's his problem? Glitter's beautiful.
Hates glitter.
That's good.
- Louise - (shushing) Listen, I-I saw a thing online called a glitter box.
You put glitter in a balloon, blow it up, put it in a box with a tack in the side, give it to someone.
They think they're getting a present.
They open the box, boom! (laughs) Balloon pops, glitter goes everywhere.
I got to call my glitter guy.
It's so quiet when Teddy's not in here yelling.
I know.
Hey, you saw I tried to apologize, right? Well, you know he just wants you to care that he's doing a job at Jimmy Pesto's.
- But I don't care.
- I think he needs you to.
But I need him to not need me to.
And also to be a normal person.
Can't you just go over there and act like you're mad that he took the job? - What? No.
- Yeah.
Come on.
Do it for Teddy.
Or do you want him to keep throwing fettuccine at Mort - for the rest of our lives? - I mean, maybe.
Okay, so we didn't tell Gene about this.
Not feeling great about that.
The toothpaste is out of the tube, T.
Okay, Jimmy Jr.
, you're on.
- (phone rings) - Ocean Ave.
(high-pitched): Um, yes.
I saw an amp toward the back of your store, and I was wondering if it's still there.
Can you describe the amp? Um, it's black, and it was all the way in the back of the store.
Uh, let me take a look.
Could you be more specific? 'Cause we've got a lot of amps.
Never mind.
I just remembered, um, amps are dumb.
- Smooth.
- Damn, J-Ju.
Good voice.
Where you been hiding her? Now we sit and wait.
I like sitting.
Oh, my God! I like waiting! And that's the secret to our marriage.
We're in revenge mode.
- No hugging, please.
- Oh.
All right, as soon as he opens that box, he'll disappear into the biggest glitter cloud the world's ever seen.
No, no.
No, no.
Wait, what's Gene doing here? Looks like he's going in the store.
Oh, no! He's gonna get glittered! ZEKE: Uh-oh.
Collateral damage! Ge ene! Gene, Gene, listen to me (pants) What are you doing here, Louise? What are either of you doing here? I think we all know that only one of us is over 14.
So, skid-doosh.
I told you not to do anything! I'm not doing anything.
I just came to get you to come play a game.
It's called Cross the Street.
Um, we cross the street as many times as we can without getting hit by a car.
It's fun.
Not now! I have unfinished business.
Dino, I am here to prove to you that I deserve to play that drum machine.
How you gonna do that? With money? No.
You and me are gonna have a drum machine battle.
- (gasps) - Do what? I play, then you play.
If I win, I get to come here after school anytime I want.
If you win, I walk out that door and you never see me again.
Not even at a farmers market.
You're gonna lose.
I've been making beats forever.
I'm also in a cover band.
We're called Bell Biv Devo.
We play Bell Biv DeVoe and Devo covers.
That is information I was not aware of, but I am still ready to battle.
You go first.
Okay, my sweet.
Let's get nasty.
(electronic dance beat plays) Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba, boo-boo-boo-boop He's actually not bad.
I could see myself dancing to this.
Oh, yeah.
It's happening.
I'm doing it.
(laughs): Yeah.
You go, Gene! You're giving J-Ju the wiggles.
Yes, he is.
Gene might actually pull this off.
Teddy's starting to pack up his truck, Bob.
Go over there and give him a little argument.
(sighs) Oh, okay.
All right, all right, I'm going.
That's a good Bob.
- BOB: Teddy.
- Bob.
(stilted): I'm mad that you took this job at Jimmy Pesto's.
I knew it! That's why I was trying to hide it from you, Bob.
(chuckles nervously) I'm jealous that you're spending all this time with Jimmy instead of with me.
Part of me said, uh, "It'll be fine.
Bob's not that petty.
" But look at us.
Here we are.
- (sighs) Yeah.
- Uh Yeah, here we are.
What are we gonna do with us, huh, Bobby? (laughs) What's going on here, Bob? You crying because I stole your handyman/only customer? - He was.
- Yes! Damn you, Jimmy Pesto! Aw! He admitted it! (chuckles) Ha! He only goes to your restaurant because you pay him, Jimmy.
He comes to my restaurant because he likes it.
Plus, you'll never have what he and I have, which is a real friendship in your life.
"Yuh, duh, duh, duh, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Friendship in your life.
" That's you.
Zoom! I want what they have.
- What? - Nothing.
Okay, this is getting a little awkward for me now.
Uh, I'm just gonna take off, and I'll see you both tomorrow.
Eh - That was nice of you, Bob.
- I know.
The last thing you said sounded real.
- About friendship.
- No, no.
That was It was all for show, Lin.
- (singsongy): You love Teddy.
- Linda, please.
- You love him.
- Oh, my God.
You're gonna have all of his babies.
(playing intricate beat) (panting) He's really good.
I guess.
If you like rhythm and cool sounds and stuff.
Sorry, Gene.
Good effort though.
It was just like a kid going up against an adult.
Well, you win, Dino, fair and square.
By a mile! I wish Dino was our dad.
You put up a hell of a fight, Gene.
Yeah, I did.
- My way, by myself.
- What do you mean? Louise, when you fight my battles, it makes me feel like you don't think I can take care of myself.
I guess I never thought of it that way.
Someone hurts you and my brain goes into destroy mode and I just want to (growls) But, uh, yeah, I could, uh I could chill out a little bit, maybe.
- I'm sorry.
- Mom would be so proud of both you guys.
- And me.
- Goodbye, Dino.
And goodbye to you, sweet lady drum machine.
I'll see you when I turn 14 or save up $215, which would be in my mid-20s, so I guess when I turn 14 then.
Gene, listen.
You sounded pretty good on that thing.
You-you remind me of a young, annoying me.
- Thank you? - So, how 'bout this.
You can come in the first Monday of each month and play the drum machine until someone buys it.
We'll call it "Wash Your Hands Mondays.
" Yay! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! Well, I guess we'll all be leaving now.
Just gonna grab our stuff and go.
Congratulations, Gene.
You got something, which is better than nothing.
Yes! I love something! So, what's in the box? Is it an apology present? Gimme, gimme.
- Gene, no.
- (grunts) (Louise shouting) Bloo-bloo-bloo-bloo-bloo- bloo-bloo-bloo-bloo-bloo Space Bl-Bl-Bloo-bloo-bloo-bloo- bloo-bloo-bloo-bloo Don't you want to hear my space cowbell? Don't you want to hear it right now? Ooh Bloo-bloo-bloo-bloo-bloo- bloo-bloo-bloo-bloo-bloo Space Don't you want to hear my space cowbell? Don't you want to hear it - Right now? - Space.

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