Bonekickers (2008) s01e01 Episode Script

Army of God

Oh, God, you can see it in his eyes - jobsworth.
He'll be on our backs like a rutting grizzly.
On the up-side, there's a decent pub opposite.
So that's lunch sorted.
This is what we found.
Be reasonable, gents, we're putting up homes for people, now.
That matters more than a bit of history.
Do you know what history is mate? It's layers.
The Romans make a layer.
The Saxons, the medievals, Georgians, Victorians, Your mom, my mom, But these days layers require forms to show you're not building upon previous layers.
So we have to take a peekat the layers.
The layers.
And if there's nothing down there? There's always something down there.
We have a mystery.
Wow! Dirham.
14th century.
What the hell's a Middle Eastern coin doing in a park in Somerset? So, what do you want to do, Gillian? Well, we have a medieval riddle to solve.
So we start digging.
Hey, excuse me, excuse me, can you not, can you not do that please? What? Either get in the trench or stand away, but don't teeter on the edge, it erodes the section edge.
What are you, one of the Year 2s? I'm Vivienne Davis.
I applied? Oh, yes, yeah, gotcha.
Ben Ergha.
Nice to meet you, Vivienne.
just Viv.
We found evidence of military equipment, right here, and we've no idea whether it's a sword-smithy or even a battle.
Map regression dates back to the 13th century and there's nothing to suggest a battle was fought here.
Faith is a virtue.
Faith is the gunpowder of humanity.
Sack God, replace him with the Tooth Fairy, I say.
Oh, Viv, Professor Gregory Parton.
Think of him as Google with a beer-gut.
Call me Dolly.
Well, hello Dolly! Nice smile, inspirational chest.
- Post-grad? - Durham.
Builders found it.
That's why we were called.
Assigned to the Sultan of Mamluk.
The Mamluk Turks occupied jerusalem when the Christians were kicked out in 1291, when the Crusades went tits up.
What's it doing here? We have no idea.
But the answer lies under that ground.
Who's that trip-trapping over my bridge? Er, Viv.
Vivienne Davis.
Vivienne? The witch of Arthurian legend.
Damascene steel.
Sword metal.
Found beside Saracen coinage? But they couldn't have been fighting Saracens here! That's just nuts! Come on, give up your secrets.
Grub's up, my darling.
I've got the data! It's right there! They're people! Bodies under there.
Better sink another trench, then.
Everyone, come and check this out.
Oh, my God.
You beauties.
Hacked to death! They were hacked to death! Bloody gorgeous! So who were they? Use your archaeological imagination.
This wasn't a couple of peasants having a scrap over a bit of skirt.
It appears to be a skirmish between professional soldiers and the Turks! Here in the heart of England.
2,000 miles away from the Crusades.
There's no record of any battles here between the Roman occupation and Cromwell.
He's right.
This is re-writing-the-books stuff.
Oh gee, we have to show our faces at that faculty thing.
Pull a sickie.
I'll have the finds packed up.
We can get straight back?.
Can you give me something to do? Talk to my butt.
I can help.
Vivienne, pretty young intern person.
When I'm impressed with you, I will ask for your help.
Now, I have to go and put on a frock.
Tanya can show you how we catalogue.
It's a variation on Pitt Rivers' Techniques of Classification And Typology.
You've got it.
Everything packed in acid-free tissue.
You OK? How am I going to impress her? You'll think of something.
We all had to.
As your new Head of Archaeology, can I balance an academic commitment with being a media sensation? There are benefits, 2% of profits from my latest book will be ploughed directly into this department! Soon to be a Channel Five series.
One drink and we're leaving.
Patients can't stop talking about it.
It's exciting.
Are they really soldiers? Either stand in the site or away from it, but not on the edge.
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
I'm Helena.
I work at the hospice.
Anyway Sorry.
Look at this.
Soldiers put nails in the soles to get a better grip in battle.
See? Is that the other sandal there? Do you want to give me a hand? Yeah, OK.
OK, after three.
One, two, three.
Oh, look at your finger.
Oh, it's just a splinter.
Thank you so much for coming.
Thank you.
Get yourself a manicure?.
I can't help it,?, I'm just a grubby wee digger.
Yes, what is it you've found that the local hacks are buzzing about? medieval soldiers.
Slain in combat.
Yes, well, with military finds best to start with weapon identification.
Analyse your sword sections.
Well, with your permission, I'll get on it now.
Well, take a copy of the book.
Sex Rites Of The Ancients.
Nice title.
From Aztec nuptials to the virgin molestations of Caligula.
Antiquity with titties and front-bottoms.
I read your last one, Napoleon Goes A-Bonking.
I merely outline a common truth, that history runs on the twin motors of human behaviour - sex and greed.
You're not shy in splashing yourself about.
But not for money Daniel.
There's a name for someone who does that.
Your know your mother would never have exchanged such cheap barbs.
Too sure of her brilliance.
How is she? Any change? - So can we go now? - Yes.
He's gotten to you already? Is that a record? - Come on.
- Oh.
Well, I hate to say it, but Mastiff was right.
Now, look at that hilt, it's not from Europe at all.
Well, that makes sense because a European broad sword could not administer that wound.
No, and I printed up a list of possibilities, look.
Middle Eastern scimitar.
In the middle of the English countryside? That doesn't make any sense at all.
Hold the front page.
I've got the carbon-14 dating on the bone collagen.
Our soldiers fell between 1300 and 1320.
Oh, this is more like it.
The ionisation from the chain-mail preserved it.
Looks like your classic Z- spun medieval cotton.
Let's clean it up and see what it looks like under UV.
Looks like we've found the identity of our guys.
Knights Templar.
James, if you want to get better, then you need to keep drinking.
Come on, stay in bed until the temperature comes down.
Come on.
When we were little boys, Colm what did the Brothers tell us? That our founders were betrayed by those they had protected.
That our temple founders were butchered.
Butchered by the enemies of Christ.
I've just been down the court house.
Brother Laygass has been acquitted.
Mr Laygass, will Ofcom choose to close down your TV show? Well, I go out on a niche Christian channel so You've been denounced by the Archbishop of Canterbury.
You said that this country is now at war for its Christian soul.
Well, what I've said is that the day is coming when St Paul's Cathedral will be the Grand Mosque of London, yes.
But do your supporters advocate violence against non-Christians? You are missing the use of the simile in one of my favourite hymns.
It's Onward Christian soldiers, marching AS to war.
With the Cross of Jesus going on before.
What about the allegations linking you with the recent hate crimes against Muslims,?? - Mr.
? - Any comment? Are we talking about THE Knights Templar? Yeah, the Poor Fellow Soldiers of Christ.
Warrior monks charged with safe-guarding pilgrims on their way to jerusalem.
They were a monastic order, built hospitals and schools, but they were also the Church's SAS troops.
Soldiering elite of the Crusades.
Not to mention the mass slaughterers of countless Muslims.
Two knights on the same horse.
Poverty as a badge of honour.
Our knights date back to the early 1300s.
That's when the Church turned against them, right? The young lady with the proceleusmatic bosom is right.
The Templars were deemed too radical.
King Phillip of France outlawed them in 1307.
The arrests began on Friday the 13th.
Hence that date is unlucky.
Write it down.
Impress your friends at parties.
So, our knights escape France.
They come to England.
But they're ambushed.
By Saracens, if you believe the coins, but that's patently crazy.
I think they had a wooden cart or something with them.
I found this.
No, they were sworn to poverty.
Even carts were a luxury.
What kind of wood is this? Erm, I can tell you what it's not.
It's not sycamore or oak, or ash.
Let's do dendrochronology on it.
Dr Magwilde.
Have you found the Templar Knights? Who is this? I've been looking for them too.
A long time.
Identify yourself, creepy caller.
And what about their precious cargo?? I don't know what you're talking about.
Do you pray, Dr Magwilde? Funnily enough I'm praying now, that you would bog o Hallelujah, it worked.
Jesus, please be with jack at this time of his passing from the world.
Lay your hand on him, Lord.
You who died for our sins, have mercy on this man.
Be alongside him.
Comfort him in his pain, for you know pain, Lord.
You who hung on a hill .
and bled for the sake of the world.
One of our pert little third-years pulled this out.
It definitely belonged to a Grandmontine.
Well, the Grandmontine monks were the chroniclers of the Templar, so there's a good chance one was travelling with them when they were attacked.
Why has he carved a snake and a sword on the back? Look how this seems to have been snapped, as though it were yanked from his neckby force.
SoEurope turns against the Knights, a small band flee France, and wind up here.
They head north, looking for a Templar church as refuge.
A Grandmontine monk is travelling with them and they're attacked by Saracens.
Which is patently absurd.
What if the knights brought something from France? A precious cargo And they're killed for this cargo.
The only thing precious to the Knights Templar were spiritual relics from the Holy Land.
What if Jesus could be proved? That would light a fire in all our hearts.
? Even in those who had no faith.
'In my Father's house, there are many mansions,' so said Jesus.
Wouldn't those mansions soon be filled with Christian souls? The believers would drive out those who did not follow the truth, just as we did a long time ago.
When the call comes, I will be ready.
Tea's up.
Biccies? I'm so glad I've got a degree Rich Tea or bourbons? Never ceases to amaze me, all these centuries of bloodshed in the name of religion.
Well, it's not always like that.
The nastier stuff always leaves a bigger impact on history, that's not how God works.
You were presumably brainwashed by God-bothering parents.
I didn't know my parents.
But holy wars, Crusades It's the big stuff.
I always thought God was found in the quiet corners, in the little things.
In the little things.
I like that.
Right, are you ready for this? First off, wood type is cedar.
Cedar?! That takes it out of Europe.
The pattern of rings puts it at 32AD.
2,000 years ago.
I found a match.
Found in Syria, jordan, Israel.
The Holy Land, anyone? A piece of 2,000-year-old wood from the Holy Land.
Carried by the Knights Templar, who we know were entrusted with Christian relics from jerusalem.
Butthat isn't the best bit.
There's organic residue in the wood, soaked in.
Like blood.
Mixed with metal traces.
Gently, Bentley.
Let's not get carried away.
I'm not getting carried away.
? I'm telling you what I found.
Evidence that 2,000 years ago, someone may have been lacerated with a metal nail and bled into this wood.
We're under pressure for the construction company.
They want us to seal off the find, protect the site with concrete and let them build.
? There could be something highly significant still down there.
As well as cedar wood? Oh, but you don't know if this is part of a cross-beam of a Roman-built crucifix.
We're walking geo-phys across that site looking for the rest.
There is another factor.
Another potential buyer for the site.
Someone who won't build on it, but has an interest in preserving it.
Who? Do you in all seriousness believe that you have found part of the Cross of Jesus Christ? Daniel, look, let us walk out the site, sink another trench.
Hold the developers and whoever else at bay for now.
I've had word from Brother Laygass.
There's a dig happening in the West Country.
Soldiers, medieval?.
The location - it's the secret road from the coast.
We have to get word to the others.
Be prepared.
For what? For war.
So, Mastiff said that you asked for a placement here and nowhere else.
Well, this is where it's all happening.
You had the pick of the crop.
Why here? Pin on a map.
OK, don't tell me.
But I hope you like getting into trouble, because Gregory's right about religious faith, it is the gunpowder of humanity.
If we do find what we think we may have found, then every zealot, crackpot and fanatic will be down on our dig site like a tonne of bricks.
What has happened to our Christian identity? Has it been eroded, or have we sold the Lord down the river to appease an ever broader stream of spiritual aliens? No, you see, I'm looking for Monastic writings pertaining to the Templar exile from Europe.
The Grandmontines, yes.
Can you e-mail me? It's the thing you do with a computer.
Well, I would have thought even you, Abbot, would The writings have come up for auction? 14th century.
No, Father, I'm fine.
This is me smiling! Thank you very much.
I have asked the Lord for one thing.
One thing only do I want - to live in the Lord's house all my life, to marvel there at His goodness.
In times of trouble He will shelter me, He will keep me safe in His temple and make me secure on a high rock.
So I will triumph over my enemies.
With shouts of joy I will offer Gilly, you should see this.
I've never seen a patient recover when so close to death.
Your colleague told us you came into contact with a piece of ancient wood? Yes.
I told my colleagues that I helped a student archaeologist pull it out of the ground.
And is it true that this wood is Biblical? Perhaps 2,000 years old? I don't know.
Would you describe what you saw today as a miracle? How the hell did the press get on to this? I didn't say anything! You let a layman help you on a dig site?! I I'm sorry.
Hayley, call the university.
Any member of the rugger squad looking to earn cash?, tell them to get down here?.
Dr Magwilde, a few questions? Remove your stringy buttocks from my dig.
Have your team uncovered part of the True Cross? And is the rest of it still there? Yes.
And last week we tripped over the Holy Grail, next week we are going after Atlantis.
But that's the reputation that ruined your mother,? Going after the exotic to prove OK, OK, look, we're very busy.
Broke her career and broke her spirit! Dear Edward, I know why we can't beat Bin Laden.
He and his lot have faith.
They may be wrong, but at least they have that.
Whereas we have the True Faith in Jesus, but we don't stand up for it.
And that is where the Muslims and others have us over a barrel.
We must test our resolve.
Don't doubt, not for a second.
We must prove our faith.
The Knights awake.
Excuse me, can we help you? This is a place for Muslim study.
You're opponents of Edward Laygass.
Laygass? He incites violence.
The White Wings Alliance is an evil Puts non-denominational Christianity at the head of daily life.
Look, mate, the man's books and his speeches - they encourage hatred.
- You've invaded a Christian country.
I was born in Dudley! Soon a fire is going to be lit.
And everyone, everyone will flock to it.
Soyou work for Laygass.
We are the Poor Fellow Soldiers Of Christ.
We work for Him.
Thisthis is a Holy War.
Look Islam is a peaceful religion.
Allah is peace.
Where's this going to end? With Britain Christian.
SO RUN! RUN! RUN! I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough, Lord.
I I didn't start this, honestly.
I didn't even think the piece of wood we found was special.
You're a believer, aren't you? jack was minutes away from dying.
I'm a Christian.
I believe God sometimes chooses to heal.
Excuse me.
I saw you on the news.
Touch him.
Sorry? He has leukaemia.
Could you touch him, please? I'm not special.
What harm can it do? Bless you in Jesus' name.
Thank you.
You should get that thing removed.
They work themselves out.
Viv? These are the keys to my flat.
Bring me some spare clothes, they're drying on the radiator.
Touch nothing! You've got company.
Oh, and you'll find a crossbow.
Bring that too.
The other interested party.
He's bought this site for three times the premium.
It's his land now.
Why? To declare it holy ground.
Daniel, this site and these finds are under my jurisdiction.
Who the hell are we talking about?! 'After it, follow it.
'Follow the gleam.
' What the hell is this? Well, he won't tell me who's bought the site.
I can't believe how quickly this is getting out of control.
Everyone wants a piece of the Cross.
They always have.
I'm not being funny or anything, but some men with medieval swords just broke into your flat.
Are you OK? Yeah.
I found a way out.
How? Through a window.
I'd say they were looking for the wood sample.
- Yes? - It's Gregory.
I know who's taken over the site.
Edward Laygass.
Philanthropic right-wing Christian.
His father founded an outreach organisation using impressionable young boys from the orphanage.
Has long held a belief that the country needs to restore the values and principles of the Knights Templar.
Presumably without the burning and whole sale murder of Muslims, I assume.
Well Hmm.
White Wings, publishing and television.
Edward Laygass announces plans to lobby Parliament for the abolishment of non-Christian religions in the UK.
He's been disowned by every respectable priest and clergyman in the country.
Here's a video stream from the White Wings website.
Britain's green and pleasant land has been overrun by invaders from the East.
So what can we do about it? Do you want theirjerusalem or Christ's jerusalem? Hello? I've been waiting for you.
Thanks for coming.
I think we should talk.
You know, I've met Muslims, good Muslims driven with that same look you have now.
Mad with zeal, longing to make a difference But there is another way.
And if you follow it, you'll get closer to God.
Don't make me go to the police.
Stand down from this.
I don't want there to be any trouble You have guided my hand and given me my resolve.
I entrust myself to Your will.
Hello, nice to see you again.
- Nice to see you.
- Nice to see you.
How old are you now? Nine? I believe the Knights Templar brought the Cross of Christ to England.
If they were butchered then maybe the Cross is still here.
Geo-phys hasn't uncovered anything else.
And anyway, wouldn't their attackers have taken it? Not necessarily, no.
Then why not let us find it? Why turn a scientific enquiry into a Cecil B DeMille film? We are at war, Dr Magwilde.
And our enemy is winning.
God has forsaken us because we are a nation of hypocrites and we goto church to get married but we don't really believe.
We baptise our kids and renounce the Devil and all his ways, but really we're just counting the seconds until we can wet the baby's head.
I don't need a sermon from you.
The Templars had faith.
My favourite Bible quote, john 14 Verse 2, 'In my Father's house are many mansions.
' The most wonderful thing for me would be to see the rooms of Heaven filled.
And when we find the Cross itself, the Christian world will rally to it.
You got that nurse on television, didn't you? You want to turn this place into your own version of Lourdes.
May I? Be gone by the time I come back.
Did you break into my home, you bastard? Laygass is going to twist all this into some kind of modern-day crusade.
What do you want to do, Gilly? Let him have the site.
Well, you said yourself, geo-phys uncovered nothing new.
Which means whoever killed the knights took the Cross.
All we have to do is find out where and get to it before Laygass does.
What have you found? A Grandmontine monk was with the knights when they were ambushed.
We found his crucifix, the cross with the symbol carved into it.
Yeah, but he was killed along with the other knights.
His name was Stephen.
And this morning, I found him.
A Chronicle of Stephen, holy brother of the Grandmontine.
He followed them to England, escaping the persecutions.
His manuscript is vague, I don't think Stephen was considered very reliable.
The rest of the order went out of their way to discredit him.
His full writings have been broken up.
Some are in the Ecclesiastical Library.
I've sent Dolly there now.
But one manuscript appears to be privately owned.
Any ideas by whom? Edward Laygass.
Stephen's writings are in the past tense.
He must have escaped the attack.
He was the soul survivor of that attack.
He knew what the knights were carrying.
He knew what became of the rest of the Cross.
But if Laygass has these writings, then he has all the answers, he would know where the Cross was.
He has some of the writings, not all of them.
He must be missing a vital clue.
You are impressed.
I am because YOU are very clever.
What? What is it? Well, if- and I only say IF - Laygass has an army of modern-day crusaders on his side, if they had the Cross, what would they do with it? Now then, where art thou, Brother Stephen? Brother Stephen travelled with our knights, as recounted in his Chroniculi minori.
Their leader was a great Templar -jaques de Saint-Omar.
That sword Why do you like that sword? Ben, look at it.
Can we stick to what we're doing, please? I know you can see it.
What is it about this sword? Nothing, can we If I may resume The knights were attacked.
By Saracens? They were dressed as Saracens, left Saracen coins, but Stephen knew differently.
English Mercenaries in disguise.
He says they stole a 'most magnificent relic,' by which, ofcourse, he means the Cross.
He goes onto say, 'These thieves were in the pay of the Grandmontines themselves.
' Why? Because the Templars were being wiped out.
The monks couldn't trust them with the Cross, so they made it look like Saracens had killed them and taken the Cross back to the Holy Land.
In fact, they would have taken it to their monastery at Creswell.
Creswell's been heavily excavated.
Nothing doing.
They hid it somewhere! If the answer was in that book, Laygass would be lynching heathens and parading the Cross up and down Pall Mall by now.
Where else could the monks hide it? Well, Laygass can only read the top-soil.
We know how to dig.
Fancy a drive, Dolly? Pay a visit to Brother Laygass's place? I'll just put the kettle on.
Dr Magwilde, Professor Parton, Wessex University Archaeology Department.
We're here to collect Mr Laygass's notes on the Brother Stephen writings.
Here's the book.
It's wired.
Syria, jordan, the Holy Land, Gundelia.
Look at us - we're so paranoid.
Laterally cut, why? Pack everything up.
The finds, everything.
Get it in the back of the truck.
Go, go, go, go, go.
We haven't got much time.
There has to be a key.
Why do people always say that? No, there doesn't.
'In my Father's house there are many mansions.
' It's Laygass's favourite quote from the Bible.
My lady.
'The beheaded body of a young Muslim student in the south of the city ' has sparked an outcry of anger and disgust among religious leaders across the country.
As the Bishop of Birmingham meets with Muslim clerics today, to discuss how Sounds like Laygass's war is about to begin.
No wonder Laygass loves this thing.
Brother Stephen talks about the Knights Templar rising again and crushing the heathens.
What are all those symbols there? The animals and stuff.
They reference different monasteries and churches, each one representing a particular place.
Stop! Brother Stephen carved this symbol into the back of his crucifix.
Why would he desecrate his own holy cross? Maybe it referred to a place that was extra special for him? Extra holy? Where is that crucifix? Well, we packed everything.
Viv, you cleared out the office.
Did you see it? I packed it.
I'm sure I think.
No, he carved this symbol because that's where they were taking the Cross to.
The snake and the sword.
The Templar church at Garway, Herefordshire.
What do you plan to do with the Cross in the unlikely event that we find it here? Well, shall we find it first and procrastinate later? You lost, eh? We're looking for the church.
The church? It's closed, though, for drainage works.
Got the flagstones up, an' all sorts.
Nothing under there then? - Like what? - Oh, I don't know, secret chambers, anything like that? Thanks, anyway.
If you wanna sightsee, you can have a look at the dovecote.
- Dovecote? - Built with the church.
It's in my garden.
Come on through.
14th century, for certain.
If not earlier.
Best one I've seen.
Holy, ain't they, doves? Symbol of peace.
- Dolly? - How many? 12 rows high, and I count 55 coops in one row, and six666.
The number of the Beast? 666 doves to counter the power of Satan.
Funny how folk tick, isn't it? Looks like they've blocked up a well mouth.
Are you sure? Yeah.
Stop! Hang on! Do you know how to put this on? Come on.
OK! These are Roman crosses, collected from the Crusades.
The Templars didn't know which was Christ's, so they brought them all.
And the piece we found? It's from one of these.
Be very careful.
Ben? What's going on? Once filled with pure white doves.
Now teeming with grey, sullied scavengers from abroad.
Ben? Gregory? How do we know which one? It's all about faith, isn't it? Maybe we shouldn't know.
You're right.
We'll take one.
It'll stand as the True Cross.
It'll be a beacon of hope.
I don't think so.
Come here.
What the hell are you doing?! You're going to help me secure a cross.
You will help me, or I swear to God this child will die! What have you done? What have you DONE?! BEN! BEN! Viv! I'll find you! What?! You gonna let them burn? - Is that what Jesus would do? - What do you know?! We know Laygass brainwashed innocent children to grow up believing they were Holy warriors.
Your knights, do you know why they kept doves? To tax the farmers.
Liar! The doves are a symbol of purity.
Doves would take the peasants' grain.
However much they took, the Templars would take the same.
- They are holy birds! - BEN! james, we can't leave them to burn down there! They'll burn anyway one day.
- I don't have your strength.
- Why? Because he's killed? james, you've shown us you're brave enough to kill for the Cross, now show us you're brave enough to save.
Come on! Come to me.
Help me save a cross.
Help me! HELP ME! Kill her! Kill her! It has never been about faith, it's been about power.
No! I'm going down! Ben! And did those feet in ancient times Walk upon England's mountains green? God gave you that voice, sister.
But the Devil uses it.
Viv! I've got you, honey.
Don't let go.
Help Help me.
I called the police! Anyone hurt? It's over.
The Cross, it's gone.
You sang to him.
I just thought it might buy me some time.
You know what? I'm impressed.
Now, please, please, please, for the love of jehovah, may we go to the pub? How's your miracle patient? The remission hasn't lasted.
But he got to talk to his family one last time.
That's God's gift to him.
Don't lose your faith, Helena.
It's working loose.
I think I can get it.
Let me.
God is in the quiet places and the little things.
Viv? Can I ask you something? Are you going to keep talking like a fortune cookie or are you going to get out there and start digging? What's with the Cheshire Cat thing? I'm just Thank you.
I'm glad to be here.
You're very welcome, Viv.
Er, you coming, boss? Not right now.
There's something I have to do first.
Don't worry, Mum, I'm still following the gleam.
If you don't know your past .
how can you know your future? Slaves? Why is it every time we dig something up I shall do nothing to help you.
Someone help us! There's some powerful people who do not want a black man for President.
Who's they? It's a cover-up.
Bras off.
Everything comes to he who fights.
You're not in America now.
I want to know who and why.
Does anybody else have an underpant situation?