Boo, Bitch (2022) s01e01 Episode Script

Life's a Bitch and Then You Die

[light electronic music playing]
[girl 1] I always dreamed
of living an epic high school life.
But even as a senior,
I was hiding in the shadows.
Until one fateful night.
See those shoes under the moose?
They're mine.
You do the math.
Okay, I'll do it for you.
I'm dead.
["Medicine" playing]
Do you know what it means ♪
When you think on a screen? ♪
Can you make memories ♪
If they're just make-believe? ♪
Oh, I don't know if I can take ♪
You seriously these days ♪
So suddenly everything's changed ♪
And we're standing in the same place ♪
Oh no ♪
I'm on the outside looking in ♪
I never said what I really meant ♪
I wasn't made to be medicine for you ♪
It's true ♪
You can't seem to make up your mind ♪
When I told you I did with mine ♪
[bell rings]
It's clear. Go.
Okay, now.
I can't believe we have two months
of high school left. KMNBMIASG.
Erika, maybe it's time you try Wellbutrin.
Give your anxiety a little vacay.
- What's up with everyone wearing green?
- Irish inclusion.
Hi. Sorry. Sorry.
I wish they could just
drone drop our diplomas
so we could skip
all this end of high school bullshit.
- Hard pass on all of it.
- What, even prom?
[dream pop music playing]
Especially prom. I'm not going.
Come on. Prom is the one thing
I wanna do before we graduate.
Prom is going to be
the best night of my life. [chuckles]
Have fun! Send pics.
Okay. Okay. Let's just put a pin in that.
Move on to something smaller.
What if we Crazy idea.
You can totally hate it.
It's not gonna hurt my feelings
because I am on Lexapro.
go to a regular party.
I heard there's gonna be one this weekend.
Yeah. I saw that over Ashley's shoulder
on the senior text chain.
Please hold. There's a senior text chain
and we're not on it?
I'm glad we're not on it. I don't wanna
see alerts about shit I don't wanna do.
Hey! Mo! Is there a senior text chain?
Looking at it.
[girl 2] Give.
Oh my God. This is not acceptable.
Erika, we We are seniors.
Oh my God.
Look at all this shit we missed.
We missed kickbacks,
ragers, daygers, a hoedown,
and the lowdown on why everyone
is wearing green. Erika, It's spirit week.
- We didn't miss anything. It's all dumb.
- Your subconscious would beg to differ.
You're realizing
we're about to leave high school,
and all we have to show for it
is our education.
- We're going to Jake's party.
- Which Jake?
- The tall one.
- They're all tall.
- The one who set himself on fire.
- Jake W? So no.
But Jake C will def be there.
[boys chattering, laughing]
[girl 2] All three Jakes
have RSVP'd "Yes" or "Yo,"
depending on the Jake.
I'm adding our names to the text chain.
I'll think about it.
Listen. Hey.
I I know
I know I am beating a dead horse
with a live Jake,
but everyone and every Jake
is going to be there.
It's the second to last Saturday
of spring break.
There are only two Saturdays.
Which is why we have to go.
It's our last chance to get a prom date.
Gia, we are this close to finishing high
school without getting dragged on social.
We have been so lucky.
Minus freshman orientation,
we've had no epic fails.
Or epic wins.
Can't we just take one low-key chance?
Let's just get through the rest
of the year so we leave on a clean slate.
Yeah, so clean there's no trace of us.
Great. I will take that
over being infamous.
- [scoffs] Like who?
- The mother of all mothers.
[both] Alyssa Seranie.
[baby cries, coos]
Crazy town. She didn't even know
she was preggo.
That only validates my argument
that life is better out of the hot tub
and under the radar, period.
Who knows if it's true.
Those are just wild-ass rumors.
- There were witnesses.
- But not us. We witnessed nothing.
- Meet you at yearbook after school.
- Yearbook?
Yeah. We're getting a sneak peek
before it goes to the printers.
Alyssa's the yearbook editor.
I babysat her hot-tub baby.
[sighs] Take all the time you want.
[Erika gasps]
- It's amazing!
- Ah! [giggles]
Yay! Okay. All right, let's find yours.
Erika Vu, where are you?
Shit. They misspelled my name.
Keep looking.
No, it's fine. Here. It's here.
Who ♪
[screams] No!
[giggles] It's the schedule!
Now ID's and then club sign-ups.
We're so gonna make high school our Bs.
- [yelps]
- [Erika gasps]
I am so sorry.
- [whimpers]
- Oh my God, Riley!
- Your face is broken.
- [students murmuring]
She just had a summer of transformation,
and you ruined her.
I am so sorry.
You're a joke.
I'll never forget what you did to me.
It was an accident.
[scoffs] Little advice.
Make yourself invisible,
or I'll do it for you.
[camera shutter clicks]
- Next.
- Erika, let it go.
It wasn't your fault.
[boy] Oh, hey, uh,
your unicorn has a bloody horn.
[laughs awkwardly]
- Oh, you're such
- Jake.
I'm Jake. And you are?
Hello. [giggles]
- Helen.
- Helen who?
- Who?
- Yeah, that's her name. Helen Who.
- Chin down, Helen.
- Who?
Yeah, I got it. Chin down.
Every year I have corrected my name,
and every year they ignore me.
Four years at this school,
and I am still Helen Who.
- I may as well be dead.
- No No, it's a typo. People know you.
Erika Vu? Isn't she that girl
who made out with Brett on the Internet?
No, no, no, no. She's the kid
who got spanked on Zoom.
No, I know Erika Vu.
She's that unhinged girl who gave Riley
a beatdown during ninth grade orientation
and broke her face.
No, wait.
That was Helen Who.
- Are you done?
- Completely done and over.
Oh my God. What if college plays out
like high school
and life plays out like college,
and I die without anyone knowing who I am
or even remembering my name?
Listen to this teenage mom.
You can do and be
anything that you wanna be.
You have so much potential,
and I promise you,
when you leave this earth,
people will remember you, Helen.
[Gia] Erika!
No one even knows my real name,
and it's my fault.
I let it happen. I let Riley paralyze me,
and I've been paralyzed ever since.
I had such big plans for high school,
but instead I've been
hiding in the shadows because it is safe.
It's better to be unseen than to be seen.
Maybe this is who I am.
Maybe I will always be Helen Who.
You will not. You are Erika Vu, bitch.
A girl with big hopes and dreams.
I am not that girl anymore.
I use tampons now.
And there's no time anyway.
High school is over.
It's not over. This is our LCTMSEM.
[upbeat electronic music playing]
You're right.
There is still time to live,
to leave a legacy,
to reach around for the stars.
We have two months left
for someone besides you to know my name.
Helen Who must die
so Erika Vu can live.
And she starts
by going to that effing party.
[Gia] Yes!
[Erika] Okay.
Show up to the party it's guerilla ♪
[grunts] Yep. Okay.
One, two, three.
He makin' impressions ♪
Look like my exes ♪
They good
They tight ♪
They pull me under ♪
East side guys
They bring the thunder ♪
Oh wow. We look
- Okay, yeah.
- All right. Okay.
Go on. It's okay.
Guerilla, guerilla ♪
Guerilla, guerilla ♪
Guerilla, guerilla ♪
We are so ready for this party.
Almost. So I got this for us
for graduation,
but seems like now might be a better time.
- [Erika gasps]
- Matching necklaces!
I love them!
- Well, now we're ready.
- Couldn't be readier.
You girls look hot.
It's a weird thing to say, Dad.
But thanks.
- Oh, and, Gia, I have a book for your mom.
- Mm-mm. You can hold on to it.
My mom's on a teaching sabbatical
in Europe for the next few months.
- Oh, and she's leaving you all alone?
- I'm 18. Plus, I have RING.
- Oh.
- So what's on the agenda for tonight?
Shall we vacate the den
so you can watch the big TV?
Um, no. Actually, we're going to a party.
- It's finally happening!
- Thank God!
We've been waiting for this day.
Here, take some money.
Take my car. It's fancier.
Or don't.
Right. You know, I could pick you up
and drop you off, so you can drink.
Wanna pregame?
[Erika] Are we supposed to just walk in?
Did we get bad intel?
Or is this a setup to lure us here
so they can take us to a warehouse,
where we get hooked on drugs
and we agree to be sex trafficked just so
we can get our hands on that brown sugar?
[hip-hop music playing in distance]
Or maybe everyone's hanging out
somewhere else.
[music grows louder]
- [both scream]
- [yells]
- We heard there's a party here.
- Yeah, there is.
- The text chain says it starts at nine.
- Yeah, it does.
It's nine right now.
[both laugh awkwardly] Okay.
- Wait, what?
- Nine means 10:30.
We'll come back later.
Or you could put out
the red cups and snacks.
If you don't mind.
I'm gonna get back to my shower. Cool?
[both] Cool.
- What are you making?
- Our signature drink, the stiletto.
- Ooh. Double tap on the stiletto.
- [giggles]
It's 10:29. Guess no one else is coming.
Well, if we leave now, we can watch
The Great Pottery Throw Down.
- [groans]
- [door opens]
[dance music playing]
[both] 10:30.
[dance music continues]
Check us out. Chilling at a party,
in the middle of the action,
drinking stilettos like they are LaCroix.
TBVH, I was so nervous before,
but now that I'm here,
I feel so comfortable.
One, we're sitting
in these supes padded club chairs.
And two, we've only
had to talk to each other.
I'm making a video
for the senior time capsule.
Do you go to Parkway?
- I'm your lab partner.
- Come on.
Anything you wanna say
to your future selves?
- Hi, future selves.
- [Gia] Yeah. This party is the
- [quietly] Yeah, okay.
- That was so fun.
Okay, are you ready to go?
No. We are not leaving
until we've had some real fun.
- We have.
- Erika.
We can't leave a legacy
by sitting on the sidelines.
- We need to interact, intermingle.
- This was a bad idea.
They don't need to know us.
They're all lame.
Yeah, lame. I said it.
Especially Riley.
[music plays]
She's a fake salty giraffe who eats all
the good leaves from the top of the tree,
and Jake C is her little simp bitch
who just stays in a shitty relationship
because he's too afraid to be alone.
And Keisha, she pretends to be a skater,
but those wheels
have never touched pavement.
And Lea, she hates Riley,
but she kisses her ass
because she doesn't want to go back
to slumming it with the band freaks.
And Dice.
I'm pretty sure he's had sex
with both of his stepsisters.
Is the diss fest over?
- [music stops]
- Yes. I'm sorry.
I don't know any of these people,
but I feel like they don't wanna know me.
I didn't mean it.
Yo! Everybody!
It's dance party time!
- [dance music playing]
- [all cheering]
No excuses.
This is our song.
This is our song. We have to dance.
One dance and then we can leave.
[lock clicks]
Hey. Hey, we can go. We can go.
I will call your dad.
Bye, Helen.
Hey, Dr. Vu. Yeah. Yeah, we're
Good night, Roger.
We are not leaving.
We came here to take risks,
to live fearlessly, to make keg stands.
I am Erika Vu,
and Erika Vu knows how to party.
So from now on,
we say yes to everything.
- Everything?
- Everything!
[both giggle]
- You guys locked out?
- [both] Yes!
You wanna dance?
[both] Yes!
- You wanna do a shot?
- [both] Yes!
- You guys want tattoos?
- [both] Yes!
- Jump in the pool in our underwear?
- [both] Yes!
Wanna have a threesome?
[both] No.
[sighs] Do you feel drunk? I don't.
Not at all. But I gotta pee.
My red cup is on empty.
Meet you here in five to 50,
depending on the bathroom line.
[hip-hop music playing]
- Edible?
- [Erika] Yes.
["Dizzy" playing]
I wouldn't drink that.
Then what would you recommend?
Watch and learn, sir.
Okay. Tastes like a Shirley Temple.
- What's the alcohol component?
- Grenadine. [giggles] Lots of it.
Grenadine is not alcohol.
[giggles awkwardly]
Still good.
Wow. Wait, what's it called?
The Ambassador.
Well, 'cause when Shirley Temple grew up,
she became the UN Ambassador
for Ghana and Czech Republic
- Shirley Temple was a real person? No!
- [laughs]
Now you're screwed.
Because whenever I need a refill,
I'm just gonna have to track you down.
[both laugh]
No, don't do that.
I mean, do. Do do it.
- I'm Jake C.
- And I am not Helen Who.
Oh, yeah, I know.
You're Erika.
Oh my God. [gasps] He knows my name.
I'm I'm dying. I'm dead. I'm a ghost.
- [liquid splashes]
- Oh God. Shit.
- Shit.
- Yo! Do you pong?
Hey, yo! I got one. With me.
They tried to do it like this
So I did it like that ♪
Real ass bitch, won't take shit back ♪
If I ever take a L ♪
Bro! Come on. Look, noobs. You're up.
It's Erika.
Got a comb
Had to put the lil' track up ♪
- I got all this money to go get ♪
- Go get, go get, go get, go get ♪
- [cheering]
- What?
- Do it like me ♪
- Do it like this ♪
- Do it like me ♪
- Do it like this ♪
Do it like me ♪
All right, look out. Move.
Come on. What you got?
- Do it like me ♪
- Do it like this ♪
Bad bitch, photogenic ♪
Bust down, flooded Patek ♪
[all chanting] Erika, Erika!
Erika, Erika!
[chanting continues]
Why are you heckling Helen?
We're cheering. Erika's a badass.
[all chanting] Erika!
[Riley groans]
Ignore me. I have a UTI.
Uh eh
Yeah. We should find, like,
another bathroom or plan or something.
This might take a while.
Lucky, lucky me
Lucky, lucky me ♪
Ooh, I got what I want
I got what I need, yeah ♪
Lucky, lucky me
Lucky, lucky me ♪
Ooh ♪
[crowd cheering]
Give it up for the winner!
[all exclaim]
- [vase shatters]
- [all cheering]
- So you just didn't have to pee at all?
- No.
But these magnetic eyelashes are tricky,
and I need good light.
Riley, all those people out there,
they really did have to pee.
Are you even listening?
All right.
Go in. She's just doing her makeup.
- Jake! Why are you walking away from me?
- I'm tired of you not listening to me.
Babe, I heard you. You're annoyed.
[scoffs] I didn't say I was annoyed,
but, know what? I am.
When you walk away from me like that,
it makes me think we're done.
We are. You know,
I'm tired of the drama, Riley.
Okay. [sniffles] If that's what you want.
I do. And, you know what?
No getting back together,
like last weekend,
and Monday, and Wednesday
before and after third period.
[inhales] Fine.
We're broken up for good.
[dance music playing]
[Gia] Erika!
Gia! Look, I'm dancing on a table!
And I just peed in a fake plant!
Erika. I need a refill.
Are you going to prom?
My secret stash. It's gone.
- Could really use a drink right now.
- What's wrong?
You don't seem like your usual chill self.
My usual self?
Uh from the kitchen earlier.
That self. You don't seem like that.
Right. Well, you know what?
That was before Riley and I broke up.
For real. You know, we split up
over, like, 36 times this year.
And I don't know why I kept going back.
You know, I guess I just thought
that maybe she'd, like, change,
but, you know, the truth is,
she's just, like, always going to be a
A bitch.
Just interpreting from your face.
[dream pop music playing]
You know, maybe it's time
to try something new.
To be with someone more like
There's no secret stash, is there?
Oh, no. No, no. There is.
There definitely is.
I didn't think to look there.
[retches slightly]
I hate to break this up
I mean, I really hate to break this up
Go, go, go!
Erika. You okay?
Much better now. Yeah.
[chuckles] I'm sorry.
Look, I gotta help Jake M,
who's, like, so lit
he's taking a bath upstairs right now.
Can I have your number,
so we can finish what we started?
Yeah, yeah.
Now I can find you anywhere.
Can't wait to be found.
[footsteps approaching]
[both chuckle]
[Erika gasps] He already followed me
on IG and TikTok.
Relationships are temporary,
but follows are basically forever.
[chuckles] Thank you for pushing me
to live my best life, bestie.
No, "bestie" is not a strong enough word.
You are my sister.
Well, now we know
what kind of drunk you are. Sappy.
I don't wanna get ahead of myself,
but since we're saying yes to everything,
how about prom?
I mean, I'm already going with Jake W.
He said yes, and you should too.
Yes! I'm gonna ask Jake C.
Ah! We're going to prom!
We are! I can't believe
we've waited so long to start living.
We're young. Our lives are just beginning.
Yes. And we're gonna be remembered.
From now on, let's promise
to live our lives without giving any fu
- [horn blaring]
- [screams]
[cell phone vibrating]
- [cell phone continues vibrating]
- [breathing deeply]
[cell phone chimes]
Train wreck central. I feel like ass.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little off.
What even happened last night?
And I also have the hangover to prove it.
- Wait. When did you get home?
- Don't know.
Hey. Uh, where's your necklace?
Don't panic. We'll retrace our steps.
Meet by the woods in 20.
[cell phone chimes]
[mysterious music playing]
I know it was on at Jake W's house
'cause I got throw up on it.
So it must be around here.
[music intensifies]
[chuckling softly]
Those are my shoes.
Why is a dead girl wearing my shoes?
[both scream]
[scream continues]
[mysterious music playing]
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