Boston Legal s02e01 Episode Script

The Black Widow

You know, they can never tell whether I know what I'm doing or not.
Can you tell? Not really.
We have a reputation here at Crane.
Poole & Schmidt.
The attorneys here take great pride in that reputation.
It undermines everyone at Crane, Poole & Schmidt.
Stop it! So you're Shirley Schmidt of Crane, Poole & Schmidt.
Alan Shore.
It's a pleasure.
Denny Crane.
I once had a torrid, torrid affair with that woman.
First, everybody knows that Second, the word would be "horrid".
You don't know me, Alan Shore, not as well as you think.
How are you? You killed a gal.
You got blood on my hands that will never come out.
Friends don't do that.
Do not start a war with me here.
You may not win it.
We look good together.
Yes, we do.
Denny.
We look good, right? We look great.
Did she say what kind of case? Wrongful termination The employer was trying to enforce his religion or something.
The plaintiff quit and sued.
And it's going to trial You have to get me in to meet her.
You simply must.
How did you even know she was here? Don't be ridiculous.
There's a web site that tracks her as sure as I am little.
If I could just get a peek, a little whiff.
Why are you here, Bernard? Well, never mind me.
The black widow is here.
She's in your office as we speak, as sure as I am little.
The woman who murdered her husband? You make it sound so ordinary.
It was the way she did it.
They were concubining.
She's in there with Brad.
Evidently, she fired her last lawyer, and for whatever reason, she wants you.
Denny, the conference call with Jack Myers has begun You take it.
The black widow is here.
I can't take it.
I'm in a meeting, which means that you have to take it, and since this man pays us over $2 million a year Not everything is about money, Shirley.
Sometimes sex counts, too.
It used to count with you.
One minute you couldn't get enough of me, next, you lose interest.
What happened, Shirley? I need to know.
They invented color television.
You and me, in my office.
Give me two minutes.
If you could last three, I might consider it.
In the meantime, Jack Myers Not now.
The black widow gets me first.
I'm not saying that we can't win, Walter.
I'm saying it's not likely and that we should settle.
It's my company, Denise, and I'm tired of apologizing for my faith.
You can't have the Bible be assigned reading in the workplace.
Denny Crane.
You've come to the right firm, I can tell you that My god, you're even more striking in person.
Who is this man, and why is his face about to explode? Kelly Nolan, this is Denny Crane.
Success has caused his head to swell.
It'll be an honor to defend your honor.
Has anybody ever told you how incredibly beautiful you are? Never.
Could you excuse us, please? Certainly you'd want me by your side at this trial.
I'm sure you're very sweet, but old men tend to die on me.
I'm Denny Crane.
No bigger ass, asset.
You want me at your table.
Look, we're sort of busy here.
Seems like you're deliberately challenging us to dislike you.
Mr.
Shore, the media has painted me as the black widow, the gold digger who's poisoned her 70-year-old rich husband.
They can prove I was having an affair.
I'll be hated.
I'll be needing a jury to look beyond the hatred and see that I'm innocent.
I suppose I'm first looking for an attorney who can do the same.
I can.
My God, you're sexy.
How about you go back to your office? I'll have a pair of my pants delivered.
You can try and get in them on your own time.
She's wicked.
I love it.
I think we can agree the last thing you need is to be depicted in open court as a sexual predator.
I've already been vilified as such, Shirley.
Court represents my only means to clear my name.
Adam, while we may win this trial, we don't have the means to prove your innocence.
If I settle this, people will presume guilt.
More importantly, my colleagues will.
I'm a respected surgeon, for God's sake.
I don't jump out of alleys to fondle people.
Look, the district attorney refused even to bring charges.
That tells you how ridiculous this whole thing is.
There's a higher burden of proof in criminal cases.
This is civil.
All she needs to establish is a preponderance of evidence.
If she's convincing in her testimony How can she be? The woman is mute.
- I beg your pardon? - The plaintiff can't speak.
She's mute.
It's in the file.
So it's my word, my truthful word against her lying affidavit.
Opposing counsel is coming in this afternoon.
If I can make this go away She has to walk away.
I'm not giving her a dime.
He knew about your affair? Yes.
The only rule he had was for me to be discreet.
Which you weren't.
And your boyfriend - Justin.
- Ex-boyfriend.
We're no longer together.
That pleases you? It does.
Why don't you talk to him? I'll pay a visit to the housekeeper, and, Denny I'll look after Kelly.
I can see you're aroused.
You might consider the last man to make love to her died while doing so.
I'll take my chances.
You two will sit at the table, offer the appearance of a formidable defense team, thereby suggesting that Walter Edmunds has this firm's full resources at his disposal.
Garrett, plaintiff's interrogatory responses, review them, know them before the deposition.
Sara, I want you to research whether or not a civil rights claim can even exist absent state action.
I'll need your memo by noon.
Uh, Mr.
Lewiston has me on the Shepard closing.
Right.
Now you're off it.
Go.
I'll talk to Mr.
Lewiston.
Denise? Tim.
You, uh, you got a second? Actually, no.
Is it important? Well, um What? I didn't wanna have a process server deliver I thought I should at least, um You're filing for divorce? It's not something we both didn't, you know, expect.
I just look, as a courtesy Wanted to see my expression? No, it wasn't that.
- Denise - It's fine.
I appreciate the courtesy.
Look, look, we both I'm really busy, Tim.
We'll talk about this later, okay? Sure.
Yeah.
I'll expect you to know every one of those interrogatories by 1 p.
m.
We could argue that her complaint gives rise to a defamation claim against her.
I doubt that would fly.
Sorry I'm late, people.
Extraordinary thing, that big dig.
Malcolm Holmes, Tara What? Tara and I are, um, already acquainted.
Acquainted.
Well, that's what we say in England.
In America you'd probably say, uh, I am the reason she went to law school, and she's the one who got away.
What are you doing in Boston? I finally know.
You let your hair grow.
You know, I hate to break up the tea party, but Careful.
We're still a bit thin-skinned on that one.
Such a waste of proper tea.
How is it that I just get older and you seem to get more Magnificent? How about first we address settling the case? Ah.
Uh, I have no interest in settling.
We fully intend to see this through.
Well, you do so at your own peril.
Oh, do I? Once we establish your client's claim as baseless, our client has instructed us to pursue a defamation claim against Ms.
Bradley.
Suddenly her house could be in play.
I'm not sure we want that.
Very impressive.
You might advise her of that as well.
You have an opposing counsel who will stop at nothing to impress an old boyfriend.
Given that I don't believe in coincidences, I'd like to take this opportunity to say what's needed to be said for some time.
We have no intention of settling.
Here's a motion.
I'll see you both in court.
It was extremely pro-Christian.
There were Bible sessions, Christian hymns.
As a Jew, I found it increasingly more and more oppressive.
So you quit.
It was more like I was forced out.
The office took on such a Christian tone.
So you quit.
I felt ostracized as a Jew, alienated.
I was forced out.
I have many Jewish friends who miss going to morning shul, so they've started forming minyans at the office during their lunch hour.
Are you saying that that's wrong? There's a difference.
Tell me the difference, Mr.
Abrams.
Jews are a minority.
And minorities enjoy civil rights that the majority doesn't? When we talk about the rights of minorities in this country, we're addressing the evil of oppression.
And when you say to a Christian society that it's okay to start celebrating your religion openly and notoriously in the workplace, you run the risk of fostering that very oppression.
I began to feel oppressed.
So you just quit the marriage.
The job.
I've worked in this household for 37 years.
I was the closest thing that man had to family for the last ten, and that includes her.
By her, you mean Kelly Nolan? Fully she treated him, parading her boyfriend around in the house.
If I may ask, how is that you still live here and Kelly Nolan doesn't? I mean, it is her house, isn't it? She says it brings her too much pain to live here, the memory of her husband dying in her arms.
I guess the memory of lacing his wine with nitro isn't as haunting.
What makes you think she did that? I know he wasn't suicidal.
I know she stood to inherit.
I know they argued, and he threatened to disinherit her.
She certainly knew he'd be taking viagra if they were going to make love, which they almost never did, by the way.
Perfect.
Slip him a little nitro.
What a deadly combination.
You seem to have a finely tuned sense of delivery.
And having lived in the same house with her for seven years, I know she's a cold, detached person.
She's capable.
She's lying.
He never threatened to disinherit me.
Why would she say that? I don't know.
Look, he never threatened to cut me out of the will.
Well, if she says that she heard as much two days before he died, and let me tell you, the housekeeper has considerable dramatic flair, we cannot let that woman take the stand.
How do we stop it? Bring a motion in limine.
It's hearsay.
- My last lawyer tried that.
- Well, we try again.
Frances Stadler cannot get in that witness chair.
Here they are.
Kelly! - Denny Crane.
- Statement for the press? She loves me, she loves me not.
Denny Crane.
It's a last-minute motion designed to waste the court's time, and I submit A week before the trial, I have no interest in wasting time.
Mr.
Shore, all motions were to be filed ten days ago by order of this court.
Now I must admit that I'm new to the commonwealth of Massachusetts, but I like to stick to my schedules.
Of course.
Why bother with justice when there's a day planner involved? I realize attorneys in Massachusetts are fond of sarcasm.
You should know I spent most of my years on the bench in Los Angeles, and if a lawyer talks back to a judge in Los Angeles He's shot, probably on the freeway.
Can we get back to the justice part? Justice is not served by preventing a material witness from testifying.
It's hearsay evidence.
The only thing the housekeeper has to offer would be what the deceased told her.
As for what the deceased told Mrs.
Stadler, these were statements made in an excited state, an exception to the hearsay rule.
How can you establish that? She will establish that on the stand.
Which brings us to her bias.
The court is allowing the testimony.
Your honor, this is a murder case.
We once had a notion in this country that the rules of evidence would be strictly constructed and interpreted in favor of the defendant.
There's a reason for that.
It's to protect against the incarceration of the innocent.
There sits an innocent woman.
I have made my ruling, counsel.
Ms.
Stadler may testify.
We are adjourned, that's all.
Sorry.
Hug? A cello? Your honor, certainly my client is entitled to her day in court.
And how are we supposed to understand what she's saying? Well, we have her affidavit.
Plus, as it happens, I speak cello.
Mr.
Holmes, this is a serious matter.
I assure you, I find nothing humorous about sexual assault.
And you don't think it's trivialized by putting her up there with a musical instrument? My client is mute.
That should not prevent her from getting in the witness chair and expressing herself to her best ability.
Ms.
Schmidt, I don't see how it prejudices anything.
You're not serious.
We'll begin tomorrow morning We're adjourned.
Oh, um, a few small administrative matters.
Are you involved? Well, tell me over dinner.
Not to worry.
She won't give you away, you naughty man.
I began to notice that many of our employees were engaged in borderline unethical conduct.
Be it nondisclosure, conflict of interest, I didn't like it.
Add to that, there seemed to be evidence of some moral decay.
Moral decay? Yes.
There was adultery going on interoffice.
There just seemed to be a bankruptcy of values, if you will.
We ultimately came to the conclusion that people aren't bringing their spirituality to work with them.
So you scheduled interoffice prayer sessions in a financial brokerage firm.
It had nothing to do with pushing any specific religious agenda.
Did you discuss this with in-house counsel? Of course.
And what did they say? Well, they said that there were some risks involved, but I felt strongly enough about Objection.
That's privilege.
Do not answer.
I believe he began answering the question, thereby waiving The witness will not answer the question.
Your role was to sit at the table.
It was not to speak, it was not to object, and it was not to issue directives to the client.
I just thought he was about to reveal privileged information.
I will decide whether to object or not.
Do you understand me? You weren't listening.
What did you say? I saw your face.
You weren't even paying attention.
That's why I jumped in.
Is that how you practice law? You read faces? Garrett, it would be a mistake to try to read mine.
It won't happen again.
Garrett.
I apologize.
You were right to object.
I was asleep at the wheel, and I'm out of line to be venting on you.
It's okay.
Obviously, I overheard.
With your husband.
My husband and I were over a long time ago but with his filing I just don't like to fail at things.
Again, I shouldn't be taking it out on you.
I apologize.
So what comes next? I beg, I beg your pardon? In the case.
What comes next? We have, uh a settlement conference scheduled during which I need to make a convincing showing as to why they should accept a small number, but what that showing is escapes me.
I have no idea.
What do you think you're doing? I just You looked I'm sorry.
I realize that men see a vulnerable woman as an opportunity.
I guess the boys do as well.
It wasn't that, I promise.
I was just offering consolation.
Thank you.
I'm fine.
Okay.
Well, good-bye then.
I didn't kill my husband.
Somebody killed him, Kelly.
Accidental overdose would be very hard to sell.
The capsule was emptied into the wineglass.
Who takes nitro that way? Somebody killed him.
Why aren't you pointing a finger, or at least asking questions? I think he took his own life.
By inducing a heart attack? There's got to be a more fun way.
I think he wanted to frame me.
We argued about my affair.
He vowed to get even.
I think he did.
It's like she's emotionally flatlined.
She speaks with no affect.
It's, it's, it's an associative disorder.
That's what it is.
She cannot reconcile herself with what she's done, so she emotionally lobotomizes herself.
If I could just get one whiff of her Catherine, mark up a motion for a continuance in the Nolan case and file it immediately, please.
I knew it.
You need more time.
You're in trouble.
She did it, didn't she? He seems to take particular delight in all this, does he not, Catherine? We all do.
It fun to see pretty people fall.
Your little boyfriend is twisted.
Trust me when I tell you he's not finished killing.
- Would I like him? - Probably not.
You'd admire his sense of humor.
You see you two getting married? Probably not.
You see us two getting married? Probably not.
This is why I shouldn't drink, I suppose.
Double scotch, please.
Yes, sir.
You know, your client is guilty.
Says you.
Concert cellists don't lie.
Come on.
One kiss, hmm? Let's get it over with.
I'll see you in court, Malcolm.
Indeed.
How dare you come in here and seek a continuance? Your honor, we need to conduct an investigation, having incorrectly assumed that the police had done more.
Mr.
Shore, this, this this woman is trying to manipulate this process.
I will not be manipulated.
- Mad cow.
- Silence! She likely fired her last attorney because she told him she did it, and since he can't knowingly put a witness in the chair to commit perjury, which is her plan, she was forced to retain new counsel and keep them in the dark, and now we have you and you.
If this woman wishes to manipulate me in the dark - Denny.
- Silence! The eyes.
Quiet! This trial will start next week.
Judge, notwithstanng your tightly corseted mind, no defendant in a murder case can get a fair trial with an attorney who has had less than a week to prepare.
You're wasting my time, counsel, and to the detriment of Ms.
Nolan, you are wasting yours.
Your request for a continuance is denied.
You think she's hot for you? I didn't say "hot".
I said "interested".
You're delusional.
First of all, she made it a point to tell me how she was long over her husband What does that And second, she gave me the look.
What look? The look that you can't describe but you know when you get it.
Get what? The look.
Two associates huddled.
Someone better be getting billed.
Settlement conference is at 4.
No talking.
Now, miss Bradley, I'm armed with your affidavit, and the judge has permitted me to lead, but in your own way, I'd like you to tell us what happened that night.
You were headed home.
It was a delightful spring night, parents walking with their children.
It seemed so innocent, blissful, which is, perhaps the reason why you felt safe taking a shortcut through an alleyway.
It was dark.
Suddenly A very strange feeling.
You turned around, looked around, and suddenly A man was coming That man! And he grabbed you.
You were terrified.
He molested you, he fondled your breast.
It was awful.
You will never get over it, ever.
Thank you.
Your witness.
Objection.
Ms.
Bradley.
Ms.
Bradley, you said that it was dark that night, did you not? He came at you from the side.
You said that the entire incident took place in five seconds, did you not? All five seconds in the dark? Did you ever see him totally from the front? Thank you.
Ms.
Bradley.
Blow that one up.
That one.
Blow it up.
She's perfect.
Oh, my God.
What's going on? What's going on? Nothing, dear.
We were just looking at naked pictures of your client fornicating in her swimming pool.
Okay, everyone, out, please.
Yes, everyone, out now.
Out.
Terrible.
Now out.
Problem, you've got a web site, Kelly.
What do you mean? Would this be Justin Murray? Where did these come from? Point is, they're everywhere now.
They were posted this morning.
Can we trace the source? I doubt it.
We could try, but I think I know who took these.
There's a person, a boy in my neighborhood, 15, 16.
Willis Berger.
At times, I thought he was stalking me.
Stalking you? I'd be at the salon, and I'd see him in the window.
I would be shopping.
He'd show up at the market.
We briefly hired him to do some odd jobs around the house until we had to fire him because he was just too bizarre.
Do you know where this Willis Berger lives? Yes.
I'm gonna mark up a motion to change venue.
If those images reach our jury pool, they'll kill us.
Why don't you pay a visit to this Willis Berger and see what's there? We could try a search with a court order.
I don't think we've got enough to get one.
Brad, I need for you to use your imagination here, get your hands dirty if you have to.
Let me start by mussing up Oh, good God.
It doesn't muss.
Get what you can on this kid.
Look at me, Kelly.
This may be a break.
Disgusting.
I was out for a walk.
It was a beautiful spring evening.
I went for a walk.
Suddenly, police cars screech up.
They grab me, haul me into a lineup.
She points her cello wand at me, and now here I am, on trial for something I never did.
You never encountered this woman? Certainly not.
Thank you, sir.
Mr.
Holmes? Yes.
Sorry.
Such a beautiful woman, your attorney.
It is quite difficult to work in such close proximity without wanting to give her a little squeeze.
- Objection.
- Sustained.
Now tell me, doctor, how old were you when you started playing doctor? Objection.
Sustained, move for costs, Mr.
Holmes, just for fun, let me sustain or overrule the objections.
- Certainly.
- Thank you.
So, doctor, you said you were out taking a walk that night.
Yes.
Sir, when you were picked up by police, that was almost 3 miles from where you live.
Were you deliberately walking in an area far away from where you live so as to avoid suspicion? I don't understand his strategy.
He seems to be trivializing his whole case with this nonsense.
What's his plan here? His style is to get the jury to like him, which they always do, and they usually give him what he asks for.
How do I rattle him? Malcolm Holmes doesn't rattle.
Oh, come on, Tara.
You slept with the man.
You've gotta give me some insight.
Slept with what man? Opposing counsel is, uh, someone I used to date.
I thought I told you.
I think you didn't.
Really? Probably because he's an old boyfriend who didn't mean anything then and still doesn't.
I thought I told you.
I think you didn't.
Laurie Berger? Yes.
Do you have a son, Willis Berger? What's wrong? What's happened? I'm investigating a potential crime.
Now if I had the authority to reveal it was with the FBI, I would say so, but until certain security clearances are satisfied, I'm not officially at liberty to tell you anything.
Now as far as you're concerned, you never heard me say that I'm with the FBI, which, for the record, of course I'm not.
I need to speak with your son immediately, and I think you would like to arrange that before others speak with him.
I'm sure you know what I mean.
What's he done? Take me to your son, ma'am.
Hello, Willis.
I'm not FBI.
You got that? You never heard me say "FBI.
" Do any blogging today? Get away from the computer.
Why? Step away from the computer, son.
- Oh, I was just looking.
- Looking or posting? Willis! I was just looking.
That's your neighbor Kelly Nolan.
So? I mean, that's why I'd be curious, right? I mean, naked pictures of a neighbor on a web site? Who wouldn't look? What's that there? Where did you get those, Willis? First of all, he wasn't forced to participate.
If the whole office is reading the book of genesis He chose to quit.
- Forced out.
- Found other employment.
Less money.
Come on, Denise.
Do you really wanna let a jury have a go at this? Oppression is a dirty word.
Remember, we're the country that likes to root it out.
This isn't the time to be anti-American.
Do I really need to say that? Actually, the American government tells us to be quite open with our religion, especially the Christian kind.
Does it now? Jimmy Carter was a born-again Christian.
Ronald Reagan said his favorite book was the Bible.
May I? May I? Please.
We are guided by a power larger than ourselves.
Jesus Christ, the son of God.
We worship an awesome God I just wanna do God's will.
We are on God's side.
When you turn your heart and your life I say a prayer before I pitch.
Over to Christ God knows the truth when you accept Christ as a savior - In a man's heart - It changes your heart.
What does the Lord require of thee? My friends, together we can do this.
- And to walk - And do it we must - Humbly - So help me God.
With Thy God.
I did not have sexual relations with that woman.
How is this relevant? It's relevant because the open, notorious celebration of Christianity has never been more popular.
We have an evangelical president, John Ashcroft was a former preacher, Condoleezza Rice was once a Bible teacher.
The Air force academy has basically established evangelical Christianity as its official religion.
The football coach there put a banner that says, "team Jesus Christ".
Have you checked the pulse of this country lately? How is this relevant? I just told you, it's evolution out, creationism in.
We are a Christian nation.
He's making me repeat myself.
And with the eroding values in our country, with high school kids turning to drugs, not to mention oral sex.
With our star athletes doped up on steroids or committing sexual assaults, with the Enrons and Worldcoms stealing from their investors, what is wrong with today's business leaders trying to introduce a little spirituality into the workplace? One nation under God One standard under God.
One people under God for the children of God The lord is my life! I have accepted Christ.
- God.
.
- Praise to my lord and savior - God.
- Jesus Christ.
- And Christ Jesus.
- With God - God - Through Christ God Jesus God God I did not have sexual We are a Christian nation, Mr.
Cone.
When Martin Luther King said, "free at last," it was "God almighty, free at last".
This is who we are.
We are a Christian nation.
And this, this is our time.
I can't believe you did that.
It just came to me.
She almost fired you for objecting at the depo, And then you filibust I didn't filibust.
I was really.
.
Garrett! After I specifically told you not to talk, what would possibly possess you to put on a show-and-tell like that? Sometimes, you have to take chances.
In life, in law, in love.
Incredibly, you had some effect.
The plaintiff is reconsidering another counter.
And with you? I'm sorry? You're a senior associate.
Satisfying you is important to me as well.
- No comment.
Sorry.
- Denny Crane.
She's having my baby.
Denny Crane.
A change of venue? These images are graphic.
They're all over the internet.
I'm sure you've seen them, judge.
The potential jury pool would be contaminated Mr.
Shore, I'm not happy.
Gee, and up till now, you've seemed so tickled.
This is dilatory.
That's what this is.
Your honor, this woman is entitled to a fair trial.
She's entitled to be judged by objective jurors If these images are on the internet as you say, they probably wouldn't be limited to the commonwealth of Massachusetts, and you know that, sir.
Your honor, at this time, I must ask that you recuse yourself.
On what grounds? Because you're the real killer, and everybody knows it.
Step up here, counsel.
You have misstepped.
And you are egregiously mistaken if you think you will insult this court without consequence.
And you are mistaken if you think you're going to push me around.
I hated bullies on the playground when I was 6, I tolerate them no better on the bench in my 40s.
This is a murder trial.
I've got the whole world predisposed against my client.
I will not allow the presiding judge to be added to that list.
I am a fair and impartial jurist.
Then start acting like one.
You are in contempt.
So as not to prejudice your case or client, I will suspend punishment.
As soon as this trial concludes, you're going into lockup.
In the meantime, your motion for a change of venue is denied.
It may be too late to get another lawyer.
Maybe not, though.
Obviously, I haven't exactly hit it off with this judge.
Perhaps you should go elsewhere.
I'll stay.
I think you know.
I know? That I'm innocent.
The way you fought in there Don't kid yourself.
I am the ultimate mercenary.
I put myself on the line for $500 an hour.
It's that simple.
I don't believe you.
You know.
In the matter of Bradley vs.
Carter, on the count of sexual battery, we find in favor of the defendant.
Yes! Oh, bollocks! Do over, judge? You can try your luck with the appeals court, counsel.
We're adjourned.
Thank God.
Congratulations, Adam.
You stuck to your guns.
Thank you.
Thank you, Tara.
You're perfectly welcome.
Everything okay? Fine.
Well, loser has to jump the net.
So I suppose dinner's on me.
I am not having dinner with you.
Tara? See you tomorrow.
I'm, uh, not one to offer advice, but if you're really serious about this, um, Alan, was it? And you don't want to lose him, at least, by God, be able to offer the excuse that you simply had too much wine for dinner, hmm? - Excuse for what? - Excellent.
I love a woman who makes no apologies.
Let's go.
I'm not going anywhere with you.
No? Then why is your hand in mine? I'll have dinner.
That's it.
Of course.
That was quite something with the judge today, Alan.
Yes, it was.
Dream case, isn't it? High profile, splashy, big closing.
Get the not guilty, have sex with the client, it's all there.
Do you think she knows I want to sleep with her? She probably assumes all men do.
Maybe even some of the women.
Savor it, my friend.
Sorry? This case.
The noise, the juice, the circus.
Savor it.
She didn't do it.
What? She didn't kill her husband.
She's innocent.
Really? Well, that's good.
Makes her less interesting, but that's that's good.
It's also pressure, Denny.
We've got an innocent client.
This is gonna be a ride.
Yes, it is.

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