Boston Legal s02e05 Episode Script
Men to Boys
Denise, what is this? The Pitino matter is set for trial? Tomorrow.
Didn't I tell you to get rid of this case two years ago? Three, actually.
I'm meeting with opposing counsel at 10.
I'll settle it.
Paul, problem.
What's this? Lori Colson's filed an internal complaint against us.
- A complaint about what? - Sexual harassment, more specifically Denny.
I heard my name.
Denny, Paul and I need to talk to you.
Whatever it is, I'm innocent.
Yes, Paul's office at 11, please.
In the meantime, could you please reposition your hand? Catherine, so nice to see you at large.
Well, that's so sweet of you.
It would warm the cockles of my heart.
If I had a cockle, of course.
There's a rumor that you've got one.
How do I put this? You're fired.
What? I'm terribly sorry.
But why? However willing we are to relax the rules around here, we simply cannot have administrative staff killing clients.
Does Alan know about this? It is not Alan's decision You can't just fire me.
I just did.
Please be gone by the end of business.
Once again, I'm I'm terribly sorry.
Are you finished? I'm sorry.
I was reminded of a girl I favored when I was young.
I'm Alan Shore.
If you've paid any attention to office gossip, you're right to avoid me.
I'm trying to save you from wasting your time.
Would you have dinner with me tonight? All I'm looking for is to have dinner with a beautiful-yet-anonymous woman, see myself through her eyes and pretend I'm interesting.
Alan! I've been Schmidt-canned.
$225,000? Are you serious? You can run the numbers.
It covers all damage caused by the fire to both the garage and house which insurance already paid, by the way.
A woman died here.
A terminal woman with less than five days to live, perhaps.
Certainly the cost of a trial would exceed $225,000.
Perhaps, but the cost of a settlement could be exponentially bigger if it occasions other to sue.
The risk of losing by verdict? That won't happen.
You think I'm not ready to try this tomorrow? Is that what you think? Denise, you're no doubt a good lawyer with a very diverse practice.
You handle stock fraud, antitrust, even some criminal work.
But the three of us do nothing but defense work for car manufacturers.
In fact, over the last few years, while you've been doing other things, letting this particular file collect dust, we've been handling only automobile product liability cases, specializing in fact, in the sport trucks that catch fire day after day after day.
It's what we do.
Your offer of $225,000 is rejected.
We shall see you then for opening statements.
- Who's dead? - Nobody's dead, Denny, but we have a situation.
Lori Colson filed an internal complaint against you for sexual harassment.
Lori Colson.
Did I sleep with her? The complaint goes to a hostile work environment, which she believes you foster.
By law, we are ruired to start certain procedures which involve you being questioned.
We are concerned that your responses, rather than making things better, might Dig a hole to China.
It would be best to avoid an investigation altogether.
In order for that to happen, Lori has to withdraw her complaint, and for that to happen, you need to apologize to her.
What did I do? Last week you talked about whether judge Brown was a virgin.
You made comments about Lori's sex life.
As far as she is concerned, you broke the camel's back.
First off, I haven't had sex with a camel since I was in the army, and the camel never complained about it.
As for Lori, I should be the one making the complaint.
She's constantly ogling me.
Yes, putting reality aside, if you do not apologize to her, this is a mess for the firm, for you.
Alan.
Can you tell me, Shirley, what possibly occasioned you to go behind my back and fire my assistant? She needed to be fired.
I decided to spare you the dirty work.
Alan, she went to the police to turn in a client, who she subsequently murdered.
If we're to maintain any integrity as a law firm Why is that so important to everybody, maintaining integrity? Alan You could have at least told me first before summarily It would have made you complicit.
This way she can hate me in perpetuity while continuing to cherish you.
Yes, don't be surprised if one day I go behind your back, Shirley.
You'll be sure to send me flowers first.
$225,000? That's all? I'm sorry.
I thought I'd be able to move them.
You tell them to forget it.
Jose, you were already compensated for damages to the house.
The fire killed my wife.
It probably only robbed her of a week.
They have experts who will testify that since she died in her sleep, the smoke inhalation may have actually spared her pain and suffering.
Tell me what you're thinking.
I'm angry.
For the last three years, I've called to ask, "How is the case going?" I can never even get you on the phone.
I get some assistant saying, "It's progressing".
Nothing's been done.
The case was fully developed and ready to go to trial three years ago.
There wasn't much to do other than push for a trial date and pursue a settlement.
When you took this case, you cared.
You no longer care, and I'm angry.
I assure you, Jose.
I still care.
I don't want to settle for $225,000.
Then we won't settle.
Lori Shirley and Paul have brought to my attention your discomfort with my banter.
It's crossed the line of banter, Denny.
Oh, well as I get older, I probably tend to be more boastful about sex, because well, um, I don't perform How you learned about me and the camel, I have no idea.
But the truth is, I'm an insecure man sexually.
Now can we speak about you? Okay.
I've often found that it's the chubby girls who offend most easily.
I don't know why it is.
I'm not a psychiatrist.
For what it's worth, I like chubby girls.
I enjoy chubby sex.
What I'm trying to say is, if this is a lonely chubbette's cry for help, I'm here for you, Lori.
So are we good? Garrett, free this evening? What have you got in mind? Document production, product design records.
We've been through them once but, you never know.
Review the case file.
I'll tell you everything you need to look for.
Then you need to go across town to McKinley fields, the defendant's law firm.
Super.
Sara, I see you're a lover of fine wine.
Not really.
I just picked the most expensive.
I figured, whatever it is you have in mind here, you should pay for it.
When I pay for it, it's usually cheap and tawdry.
All set to hear about our specials? Please.
First, which I really recommend, it's great.
We have an incredible north Atlantic salmon.
It's farm-raised, just got it in today.
The chef prepared Now would these be the Atlantic salmon raised in pens in the Pacific ocean, the ones who periodically escape? Well, I can assure you, the ones we're serving didn't escape.
That's very funny.
Tell me, do people here order the farmed salmon? It's actually our most popular dish tonight.
I see.
Good evening, diners.
Forgive me.
But instead of grace, I typically begin my meals with a public service announcement.
I just thought you'd like to know by ordering or buying farmed salmon, you may be helping to wipe out the wild or rather real salmon stocks.
That's not true.
Sir, you're upsetting the patrons.
Sit down.
I apologize.
Perhaps I should be more entertaining then.
Folks, we got trouble.
Right here I say trouble, right here in river city.
Mr.
Shore You've got one, two, three, four, five, six pockets in a table, pockets that mark the difference between a gentleman and a bum with a capital "B," and that rhymes with "P," - And that stands for pool.
- Check, please.
We need to pool our resources and stop the fish farms.
And it doesn't even taste like real salmon, because it's not caught.
which fish should be.
How do we not go over my testimony? If we rehearse, Jose, there's a chance that your testimony will come off as rehearsed.
But shouldn't I have some idea what you plan to ask? No.
Our case, pretty much our whole case, is your emotion.
I want your testimony to be as raw as possible, so go home, watch a movie, don't think about things, and I'll see you tomorrow at the courthouse.
Okay.
Everything okay? Six years ago, Denny, you threw me a tiny little case to cut my teeth on.
Since then, I have moved on to much bigger and more lucrative matters.
Well, that tiny little case that I have neglected comes up for trial tomorrow.
I just hope I'm ready.
Hug? Boxes, photocopier.
Knock yourself out.
Thanks.
I monitor to make sure you don't steal originals.
They assigned you to sit in here and watch me? No, I volunteer.
Why go out with friends when I can sit and observe first-year associates do tedious grunt work? Are you a lawyer here? If I was a lawyer, you think I'd be doing this? I'm a paralegal, even lower than you on the grunt meter.
You got a name? Yep.
I hope as you viewed yourself through my beautiful-yet-anonymous eyes that you saw what everybody else in the restaurant saw, - Which was a total nut job.
- What's going on? He broke into a song from "The music man" over a fish.
While you're here, there are six associates in the conference room helping Denise prep for her trial.
- Go make it seven.
- Now? It's after 10 o'clock.
You can tell time.
That's great.
You're gonna be reviewing opening and closing arguments given by opposing counsel over the last ten years.
Now look in particular for his pet phrases, folksy stories, anecdotes, whatever he uses to charm juries.
Now we're a team here.
Whatever Denise needs.
And thanks for coming back in.
You're a trouper.
I'm a trouper? I wouldn't suppose I could get a beer around here.
Nope.
Maybe since we've hit it off so well, you and I can get one together after I'm done.
I don't date.
You don't date? You have a boyfriend? Nope.
May I ask, don't you get lonely? I don't date because all that ever comes of it, is I get to know the guy, maybe even like the guy, only then to be disappointed in bed.
So no longer bother.
Well, if the bed part is important, don't you miss that? Oh, I screw.
I just don't date.
Okay, did they, like, tell you to say that to distract me from the file? Take off your pants.
What? Well, obviously you want to have sex.
I want to see you first.
I'm not gonna let you inspect me.
Fine.
Okay.
Did you have intentions with this girl? I really didn't.
I just wanted to have a nice dinner with polite conversation, the kind of thing Tara accused me of being utterly incapable of.
Here's a tip, my friend.
Never, ever talk about anything to do with the environment.
It's boring.
It makes you boring.
Second, it's political.
You gotta figure half the people are against it.
Half the people are against the environment? And third, when you go out with a young girl like Sara, you have only one thing to offer.
Money.
She can find younger, better-looking guys, better lovers, guys with more interests in common.
What you have is power.
I actually begin my dates by putting cash right on the table.
And that works? With the hookers.
Sorry to interrupt.
I just have one quick little question.
Did you tell Lori you liked chubby sex? I meant it as a compliment.
What? Oh, God.
Oh, God! First of all, nobody disputes that a terrible tragedy has occurred.
And if ever during the course of this trial we come across as trying to trivialize the plaintiff's pain, well, let me apologize for that right now.
Their suffering is a given, and we all wish we could bring Kevin Parkinson back, but lawsuits unfortunately do not do that.
Lawsuits are about money.
Okay, that's his theme in every single opening statement.
He sets them up to detach themselves from their emotions, and he's very good at it.
Where'd you get this tape? He had a trial in March.
They allowed cameras in the courtroom.
Watch this.
You're human beings.
You don't have to deny your feelings or compassion.
Just don't let yourselves as jurors be governed by them.
Listen, I pored over most of the design records.
I didn't find anything new.
Okay, thank you.
Was there something else? Well, there was an incident, which one of the senior partners is calling Lewiston about.
I felt I should report it to you.
You had sex tonight with one of their paralegals? Yes.
It had no bearing on the quality of my work.
And of course, I didn't reveal anything privileged.
You had sex with her where? Um, in the file room.
Where do you think you are, Garrett? Do you think you're still in college? No, ma'am.
Call me "ma'am" again, and you are fired.
Get out.
I do not have time to deal with this.
Oh, not that this is relevant but, while I may have casual sex outside of a relationship, when I'm involved with someone, I'm a completely faithful person.
Garrett, get out.
Look, I actually like Denny.
And the truth is, I can tolerate most of his nonsense.
But whereas five years ago, it was flirtatious, now it's lascivious.
And with Alan Shore suddenly at his side What's this got to do with Alan Shore? Alan Shore sexually objectifies every woman he meets, and I mean every woman.
At least with him, you could say he's an equal-opportunity offender.
But you haven't filed a complaint against Alan Shore? You know, I probably should, but I don't want to give him the satisfaction.
More importantly, he's not the senior partner.
Denny Crane is.
By the way, after I complained, Denny Crane attributed my protest to the wanton cry of a lonely chubbette.
Doctor, if you say that she died peacefully in her sleep I said possibly peacefully.
Even possibly, you cannot get on the stand and give that testimony.
You asked me to review the autopsy.
I hired you as an expert witness to testify for the plaintiff at $7,500 a day.
My time may be for sale, counselor.
My findings are not.
You listen to me.
You are retired as a doctor.
You make your living as a plaintiff's expert.
You rely on firms such as this to refer you.
Denise! Second-chairing does not involve speaking.
You're suborning perjury.
I am not asking you to lie.
I am encouraging you to interpret your findings in a way You mean tailor them.
She died in a fire, for God sakes You're saying she didn't suffer? She may have suffered, but she may have died without ever waking up.
I do not want to hear that word "peacefully".
You can say, "maybe she died in her sleep," but you have no medical basis to say that she died peacefully.
I do not want to hear that word.
We just had, uh, excellent chemistry.
Look, I promise you, I never compromised the case or the firm.
It was a personal, um, uh, matter.
You don't think you compromised the firm, Mr.
Wells? You are an associate at Crane, Poole & Schmidt.
Your behavior, personal or otherwise, is a reflection on Crane, Poole & Schmidt.
I'm Schmidt! I exercised extremely poor judgment, and all I can say is it will never, ever happen again.
You can consider yourself on serious probation.
Yes, sir.
Uh uh, ma'am.
You may leave.
And if I ever hear of your belt buckle being so much as loose, you will be discharged.
Yes, ma'am.
Are you okay? I'm sorry.
The truth is, I'm angry at myself, and I'm venting.
I do that.
It did sound a little like you were suborning perjury.
Dr.
Forbes is as truthful as they come.
I was just reminding him, perhaps a bit too forcefully, that we need him to be an advocate.
Sara, hello.
It's good to see you again.
Alan, this is a ladies' room.
Yes, and such as it is, I'll be brief.
I just want to apologize for last night.
The thing is with salmon, my mind goes immediately to spawning, and to think that these fish farms could What I'm trying to say is I'd like the chance to remake myself once again in your eyes.
Shirley.
Please leave the ladies' room, Alan.
Yes.
Sara.
Denise.
First you.
What's with the mood? Wrongful death case I thought we'd settle.
We're going to trial, my damages.
This is the Pitino case? The woman was terminally ill My expert says she possibly didn't even suffer.
Is the jury gonna care that her life was shortened by a few days, pain-ridden days at that? Denise, you can never count on people to care about the problems of others.
They will, however, always deeply invest in their own.
Got it.
What? I missed something.
What? And you, what's Alan Shore up to? Evidently he wants to spawn.
Well, we have a systemic problem at this firm, don't we? Lori was meeting with Meredith Waters today.
- Blinky? - Who's blinky? She's who you hire when you're suing for sexual harassment.
Blinky was here? Garrett.
What are you doing here? I missed you.
Cassie, I am in serious trouble because of what happened.
Oh, come on.
That's why the sex was so good, Garrett.
Because you were breaking rules.
You weren't just screwing me, you were screwing this whole establishment.
Cassie, you shouldn't be here.
You really need to go now.
Okay, just give me a quick tour.
I want to see where you work.
I don't have time.
Then just show me your file room.
Cassie, I could lose my job.
Maybe I already have.
Really? Then how about we just do it right here in front of everyone, and you can go out in style? You need to go.
I'm not leaving, Garrett, unless you promise to screw my brains out tonight.
Okay.
Say it.
I want to hear you say it.
Denny, look at me.
I adore you.
And please don't interpret that as meaning - You want me! - I want you.
I'm not going to explain to you all the laws regarding sexual harassment, but the only way to avoid a train wreck where you become the victim is for Lori to call this off.
I apologized.
I said You need to try harder.
One of the reasons I came back here, Denny, you make me laugh.
But this isn't funny.
All right, we'll begin with opening statements, starting with the plaintiff.
Good morning.
My name is Denise Bauer.
I, along with Sara Holt, will be representing the plaintiff Jose Pitino, whose wife Elena died in the fire that started in their garage when their pickup truck, manufactured and sold by the defendant, suddenly burst into flames.
The truck was not running at the time.
In fact, it had not been driven all night.
Let me begin by saying that a terrible human tragedy has occurred here, and of course nothing that happens in this courtroom will bring Elena Pitino back.
Lawsuits, you see, are ultimately about money, putting a dollar figure on suffering.
Admittedly, there is some question as to how much Elena even suffered in the fire.
Also admittedly, Elena was in the final stages of ovarian cancer.
She had come home from the hospital, in fact, that very day, basically to die.
You may ask yourselves, "What damages did she really endure?" Well, you will hear from Jose Pitino, and what you will hear is that she had a day and another day coming after that and another one after that.
She had, in fact, six or seven days to be at home with her family.
She didn't get those days.
She never got that last opportunity to sit with her grandchildren.
Jose was never able to hold his wife of 37 years in his arms.
Hold her in his arms and, um if any of you have spent the final days with a loved one dying of cancer or another disease, you know that those moments are the most precious.
Jose and Elena Pitino had those days coming.
They didn't get them.
You can't bring Elena Pitino back, but you are in a position to help save others.
Because lawsuits, in addition to money, are about allocating burden.
Who is best able to prevent this tragedy from happening again? Well, you might be inclined to think this is just a freak accident.
But in fact, this is a much bigger problem.
This is a very popular sport truck made by a major manufacturer of sport trucks, and they're catching fire.
The defendant has recently recalled almost a million of their vehicles because of this malfunction.
So you see, this is potentially your problem.
How do you motivate a corporate conglomerate to fix a defect? You make it too expensive for them not to.
At the conclusion of this trial, when it finally comes down to a dollar amount, I'll be asking you to be legislators and come back with a number that says to the defendant and all car manufacturers, "Make your vehicles safe".
For your sake, for your daughters, for your grandsons.
And I'll ask you to be human beings, the conscience of a compassionate society, and return with a verdict that somehow reflects everything that was taken from Elena Pitino, her family and most of all her high-school sweetheart.
They just got off the elevator.
I don't care what the offer is, nobody reacts.
Let me do the talking, all of it.
It must be a much bigger offer if they expect Let's just see.
Once again, nobody speaks.
Denise.
Welcome back.
Mr.
Pitino.
Ms.
Holt.
- It's okay to say hello.
- Hi.
We're due back in court at 4 unless we settle this.
- Do you have a number? - We do.
Let me preface by saying that the client is making this offer against my advice.
I feel it is far too generous.
Of course.
What is it? $ 1.
4 Million Dollars Oh, my God.
Too low.
- Too low.
- What about punitives? That's everything, Denise.
You either take it, or we go back.
I think there's more.
This is good, Denise.
Are you sure? Yes.
Okay.
Well, back to court we go.
You can't be serious.
Our jury research consultant says we should get something with a two.
I trust them.
Let's go.
$1.
7.
That's as high as I'm authorized.
- Payable now? - All of it.
- Done.
- No admission.
Check by end of business tomorrow? Done - Yoll draft? - Yes.
Congratulations, Mr.
Pitino.
And let me say personally, I'm very sorry for your loss.
I don't know what to say.
Jose, I just want you to know I would have never let the $1.
4 go.
I I think I need to go to the bathroom.
I don't want to cry in front of you, so that's why I'm going Thank you, Denise.
I If you ever want to join my weekly poker game, you are more than invited.
Can I just say that You have other work to do.
Yes.
Go do it, please.
Cassie Look, this it doesn't feel right.
Okay.
I love you.
Better? This feels angry.
What's wrong? There's nothing wrong with me! What's wrong with you? - Just - I'm done.
I don't know what's going on but Look, let's just, uh They killed my brother.
Excuse me? My, my little brother.
He's dead.
Last week in Baghdad.
He was he was guarding some, some stupid truck.
And somebody blew it up.
He he was only 18.
They, they killed him.
He was my my baby brother, and he's not coming home.
Just get off me.
Can I get them for that? I want to get them.
Can I get them? The thing about an apology is it may make you a bigger man but, the experience of saying it makes you feel very small.
I'm sorry.
I really am.
Why did you call me chubby? I didn't mean anything by it.
Well, it hurt.
But see, what I don't get is you know how much I care about you, admire you, even.
I suppose I'm not feeling that.
I hesitate to admit this but, when I was 7 years old, I was a fatty.
During my parents' divorce, my mother had a lawyer.
She was thin, smart, secure, confident in mind and body.
And I said to myself, "That's what I'm gonna be when I grow up".
And I did grow up to be her, or so I thought.
I haven't been feeling very secure lately, Denny, either in mind or body.
My skin has become increasingly thin with all of the sexual banter in the office.
I've been feeling marginalized as an attorney.
Maybe it's because this is such a boys' club.
I don't know.
But I'm struggling here, Denny.
I'll admit to being bad only if you discipline me.
I don't think it's a good idea for you to hound first-year associates.
I don't hound the first-year associates, Shirley.
I tickle them.
As for Sara Holt, I barely touched her.
My concern isn't for Sara as much as it is you.
It makes you look sad, even pathetic.
What is it about young women? Is it simply a matter of improving blood flow? I'm not so much attracted to younger women.
It's more the idea that they could be attracted to me.
You know, you women have it lucky.
As you age, you only get more beautiful.
Men, we get fat and less desirable.
You and Denny need to find other ways to have fun than being lecherous with junior associates.
Got the cigar on the ear again.
I need to amuse myself in ways I can't get sued.
Lori Colson evidently met with blinky Waters.
You may, in fact, get sued.
Shirley says we need to behave better.
If she really knew us deep down, she'd realize we behave pretty damn well.
I miss Tara.
Not that she was I don't like having dinner alone, sleeping alone.
Having sex alone.
Do you think it's pathetic Should we be married and sensible and go home to do whatever men do at home? Well, I have nothing against marriage.
I've done it five times.
But here's the thing about wives.
They don't let you play with your friends.
I couldn't be standing outside here every night on this balcony I'll take a friend over a wife every time.
Shouldn't a wife be your best friend? You know, Ralph Waldo Emerson said he reckoned a friend to be the masterpiece of nature.
I'm not sure I truly understood that before I met you, Denny.
I'm not having sex with you.
Just the same.
Lori really might sue? She met with blinky.
Didn't I tell you to get rid of this case two years ago? Three, actually.
I'm meeting with opposing counsel at 10.
I'll settle it.
Paul, problem.
What's this? Lori Colson's filed an internal complaint against us.
- A complaint about what? - Sexual harassment, more specifically Denny.
I heard my name.
Denny, Paul and I need to talk to you.
Whatever it is, I'm innocent.
Yes, Paul's office at 11, please.
In the meantime, could you please reposition your hand? Catherine, so nice to see you at large.
Well, that's so sweet of you.
It would warm the cockles of my heart.
If I had a cockle, of course.
There's a rumor that you've got one.
How do I put this? You're fired.
What? I'm terribly sorry.
But why? However willing we are to relax the rules around here, we simply cannot have administrative staff killing clients.
Does Alan know about this? It is not Alan's decision You can't just fire me.
I just did.
Please be gone by the end of business.
Once again, I'm I'm terribly sorry.
Are you finished? I'm sorry.
I was reminded of a girl I favored when I was young.
I'm Alan Shore.
If you've paid any attention to office gossip, you're right to avoid me.
I'm trying to save you from wasting your time.
Would you have dinner with me tonight? All I'm looking for is to have dinner with a beautiful-yet-anonymous woman, see myself through her eyes and pretend I'm interesting.
Alan! I've been Schmidt-canned.
$225,000? Are you serious? You can run the numbers.
It covers all damage caused by the fire to both the garage and house which insurance already paid, by the way.
A woman died here.
A terminal woman with less than five days to live, perhaps.
Certainly the cost of a trial would exceed $225,000.
Perhaps, but the cost of a settlement could be exponentially bigger if it occasions other to sue.
The risk of losing by verdict? That won't happen.
You think I'm not ready to try this tomorrow? Is that what you think? Denise, you're no doubt a good lawyer with a very diverse practice.
You handle stock fraud, antitrust, even some criminal work.
But the three of us do nothing but defense work for car manufacturers.
In fact, over the last few years, while you've been doing other things, letting this particular file collect dust, we've been handling only automobile product liability cases, specializing in fact, in the sport trucks that catch fire day after day after day.
It's what we do.
Your offer of $225,000 is rejected.
We shall see you then for opening statements.
- Who's dead? - Nobody's dead, Denny, but we have a situation.
Lori Colson filed an internal complaint against you for sexual harassment.
Lori Colson.
Did I sleep with her? The complaint goes to a hostile work environment, which she believes you foster.
By law, we are ruired to start certain procedures which involve you being questioned.
We are concerned that your responses, rather than making things better, might Dig a hole to China.
It would be best to avoid an investigation altogether.
In order for that to happen, Lori has to withdraw her complaint, and for that to happen, you need to apologize to her.
What did I do? Last week you talked about whether judge Brown was a virgin.
You made comments about Lori's sex life.
As far as she is concerned, you broke the camel's back.
First off, I haven't had sex with a camel since I was in the army, and the camel never complained about it.
As for Lori, I should be the one making the complaint.
She's constantly ogling me.
Yes, putting reality aside, if you do not apologize to her, this is a mess for the firm, for you.
Alan.
Can you tell me, Shirley, what possibly occasioned you to go behind my back and fire my assistant? She needed to be fired.
I decided to spare you the dirty work.
Alan, she went to the police to turn in a client, who she subsequently murdered.
If we're to maintain any integrity as a law firm Why is that so important to everybody, maintaining integrity? Alan You could have at least told me first before summarily It would have made you complicit.
This way she can hate me in perpetuity while continuing to cherish you.
Yes, don't be surprised if one day I go behind your back, Shirley.
You'll be sure to send me flowers first.
$225,000? That's all? I'm sorry.
I thought I'd be able to move them.
You tell them to forget it.
Jose, you were already compensated for damages to the house.
The fire killed my wife.
It probably only robbed her of a week.
They have experts who will testify that since she died in her sleep, the smoke inhalation may have actually spared her pain and suffering.
Tell me what you're thinking.
I'm angry.
For the last three years, I've called to ask, "How is the case going?" I can never even get you on the phone.
I get some assistant saying, "It's progressing".
Nothing's been done.
The case was fully developed and ready to go to trial three years ago.
There wasn't much to do other than push for a trial date and pursue a settlement.
When you took this case, you cared.
You no longer care, and I'm angry.
I assure you, Jose.
I still care.
I don't want to settle for $225,000.
Then we won't settle.
Lori Shirley and Paul have brought to my attention your discomfort with my banter.
It's crossed the line of banter, Denny.
Oh, well as I get older, I probably tend to be more boastful about sex, because well, um, I don't perform How you learned about me and the camel, I have no idea.
But the truth is, I'm an insecure man sexually.
Now can we speak about you? Okay.
I've often found that it's the chubby girls who offend most easily.
I don't know why it is.
I'm not a psychiatrist.
For what it's worth, I like chubby girls.
I enjoy chubby sex.
What I'm trying to say is, if this is a lonely chubbette's cry for help, I'm here for you, Lori.
So are we good? Garrett, free this evening? What have you got in mind? Document production, product design records.
We've been through them once but, you never know.
Review the case file.
I'll tell you everything you need to look for.
Then you need to go across town to McKinley fields, the defendant's law firm.
Super.
Sara, I see you're a lover of fine wine.
Not really.
I just picked the most expensive.
I figured, whatever it is you have in mind here, you should pay for it.
When I pay for it, it's usually cheap and tawdry.
All set to hear about our specials? Please.
First, which I really recommend, it's great.
We have an incredible north Atlantic salmon.
It's farm-raised, just got it in today.
The chef prepared Now would these be the Atlantic salmon raised in pens in the Pacific ocean, the ones who periodically escape? Well, I can assure you, the ones we're serving didn't escape.
That's very funny.
Tell me, do people here order the farmed salmon? It's actually our most popular dish tonight.
I see.
Good evening, diners.
Forgive me.
But instead of grace, I typically begin my meals with a public service announcement.
I just thought you'd like to know by ordering or buying farmed salmon, you may be helping to wipe out the wild or rather real salmon stocks.
That's not true.
Sir, you're upsetting the patrons.
Sit down.
I apologize.
Perhaps I should be more entertaining then.
Folks, we got trouble.
Right here I say trouble, right here in river city.
Mr.
Shore You've got one, two, three, four, five, six pockets in a table, pockets that mark the difference between a gentleman and a bum with a capital "B," and that rhymes with "P," - And that stands for pool.
- Check, please.
We need to pool our resources and stop the fish farms.
And it doesn't even taste like real salmon, because it's not caught.
which fish should be.
How do we not go over my testimony? If we rehearse, Jose, there's a chance that your testimony will come off as rehearsed.
But shouldn't I have some idea what you plan to ask? No.
Our case, pretty much our whole case, is your emotion.
I want your testimony to be as raw as possible, so go home, watch a movie, don't think about things, and I'll see you tomorrow at the courthouse.
Okay.
Everything okay? Six years ago, Denny, you threw me a tiny little case to cut my teeth on.
Since then, I have moved on to much bigger and more lucrative matters.
Well, that tiny little case that I have neglected comes up for trial tomorrow.
I just hope I'm ready.
Hug? Boxes, photocopier.
Knock yourself out.
Thanks.
I monitor to make sure you don't steal originals.
They assigned you to sit in here and watch me? No, I volunteer.
Why go out with friends when I can sit and observe first-year associates do tedious grunt work? Are you a lawyer here? If I was a lawyer, you think I'd be doing this? I'm a paralegal, even lower than you on the grunt meter.
You got a name? Yep.
I hope as you viewed yourself through my beautiful-yet-anonymous eyes that you saw what everybody else in the restaurant saw, - Which was a total nut job.
- What's going on? He broke into a song from "The music man" over a fish.
While you're here, there are six associates in the conference room helping Denise prep for her trial.
- Go make it seven.
- Now? It's after 10 o'clock.
You can tell time.
That's great.
You're gonna be reviewing opening and closing arguments given by opposing counsel over the last ten years.
Now look in particular for his pet phrases, folksy stories, anecdotes, whatever he uses to charm juries.
Now we're a team here.
Whatever Denise needs.
And thanks for coming back in.
You're a trouper.
I'm a trouper? I wouldn't suppose I could get a beer around here.
Nope.
Maybe since we've hit it off so well, you and I can get one together after I'm done.
I don't date.
You don't date? You have a boyfriend? Nope.
May I ask, don't you get lonely? I don't date because all that ever comes of it, is I get to know the guy, maybe even like the guy, only then to be disappointed in bed.
So no longer bother.
Well, if the bed part is important, don't you miss that? Oh, I screw.
I just don't date.
Okay, did they, like, tell you to say that to distract me from the file? Take off your pants.
What? Well, obviously you want to have sex.
I want to see you first.
I'm not gonna let you inspect me.
Fine.
Okay.
Did you have intentions with this girl? I really didn't.
I just wanted to have a nice dinner with polite conversation, the kind of thing Tara accused me of being utterly incapable of.
Here's a tip, my friend.
Never, ever talk about anything to do with the environment.
It's boring.
It makes you boring.
Second, it's political.
You gotta figure half the people are against it.
Half the people are against the environment? And third, when you go out with a young girl like Sara, you have only one thing to offer.
Money.
She can find younger, better-looking guys, better lovers, guys with more interests in common.
What you have is power.
I actually begin my dates by putting cash right on the table.
And that works? With the hookers.
Sorry to interrupt.
I just have one quick little question.
Did you tell Lori you liked chubby sex? I meant it as a compliment.
What? Oh, God.
Oh, God! First of all, nobody disputes that a terrible tragedy has occurred.
And if ever during the course of this trial we come across as trying to trivialize the plaintiff's pain, well, let me apologize for that right now.
Their suffering is a given, and we all wish we could bring Kevin Parkinson back, but lawsuits unfortunately do not do that.
Lawsuits are about money.
Okay, that's his theme in every single opening statement.
He sets them up to detach themselves from their emotions, and he's very good at it.
Where'd you get this tape? He had a trial in March.
They allowed cameras in the courtroom.
Watch this.
You're human beings.
You don't have to deny your feelings or compassion.
Just don't let yourselves as jurors be governed by them.
Listen, I pored over most of the design records.
I didn't find anything new.
Okay, thank you.
Was there something else? Well, there was an incident, which one of the senior partners is calling Lewiston about.
I felt I should report it to you.
You had sex tonight with one of their paralegals? Yes.
It had no bearing on the quality of my work.
And of course, I didn't reveal anything privileged.
You had sex with her where? Um, in the file room.
Where do you think you are, Garrett? Do you think you're still in college? No, ma'am.
Call me "ma'am" again, and you are fired.
Get out.
I do not have time to deal with this.
Oh, not that this is relevant but, while I may have casual sex outside of a relationship, when I'm involved with someone, I'm a completely faithful person.
Garrett, get out.
Look, I actually like Denny.
And the truth is, I can tolerate most of his nonsense.
But whereas five years ago, it was flirtatious, now it's lascivious.
And with Alan Shore suddenly at his side What's this got to do with Alan Shore? Alan Shore sexually objectifies every woman he meets, and I mean every woman.
At least with him, you could say he's an equal-opportunity offender.
But you haven't filed a complaint against Alan Shore? You know, I probably should, but I don't want to give him the satisfaction.
More importantly, he's not the senior partner.
Denny Crane is.
By the way, after I complained, Denny Crane attributed my protest to the wanton cry of a lonely chubbette.
Doctor, if you say that she died peacefully in her sleep I said possibly peacefully.
Even possibly, you cannot get on the stand and give that testimony.
You asked me to review the autopsy.
I hired you as an expert witness to testify for the plaintiff at $7,500 a day.
My time may be for sale, counselor.
My findings are not.
You listen to me.
You are retired as a doctor.
You make your living as a plaintiff's expert.
You rely on firms such as this to refer you.
Denise! Second-chairing does not involve speaking.
You're suborning perjury.
I am not asking you to lie.
I am encouraging you to interpret your findings in a way You mean tailor them.
She died in a fire, for God sakes You're saying she didn't suffer? She may have suffered, but she may have died without ever waking up.
I do not want to hear that word "peacefully".
You can say, "maybe she died in her sleep," but you have no medical basis to say that she died peacefully.
I do not want to hear that word.
We just had, uh, excellent chemistry.
Look, I promise you, I never compromised the case or the firm.
It was a personal, um, uh, matter.
You don't think you compromised the firm, Mr.
Wells? You are an associate at Crane, Poole & Schmidt.
Your behavior, personal or otherwise, is a reflection on Crane, Poole & Schmidt.
I'm Schmidt! I exercised extremely poor judgment, and all I can say is it will never, ever happen again.
You can consider yourself on serious probation.
Yes, sir.
Uh uh, ma'am.
You may leave.
And if I ever hear of your belt buckle being so much as loose, you will be discharged.
Yes, ma'am.
Are you okay? I'm sorry.
The truth is, I'm angry at myself, and I'm venting.
I do that.
It did sound a little like you were suborning perjury.
Dr.
Forbes is as truthful as they come.
I was just reminding him, perhaps a bit too forcefully, that we need him to be an advocate.
Sara, hello.
It's good to see you again.
Alan, this is a ladies' room.
Yes, and such as it is, I'll be brief.
I just want to apologize for last night.
The thing is with salmon, my mind goes immediately to spawning, and to think that these fish farms could What I'm trying to say is I'd like the chance to remake myself once again in your eyes.
Shirley.
Please leave the ladies' room, Alan.
Yes.
Sara.
Denise.
First you.
What's with the mood? Wrongful death case I thought we'd settle.
We're going to trial, my damages.
This is the Pitino case? The woman was terminally ill My expert says she possibly didn't even suffer.
Is the jury gonna care that her life was shortened by a few days, pain-ridden days at that? Denise, you can never count on people to care about the problems of others.
They will, however, always deeply invest in their own.
Got it.
What? I missed something.
What? And you, what's Alan Shore up to? Evidently he wants to spawn.
Well, we have a systemic problem at this firm, don't we? Lori was meeting with Meredith Waters today.
- Blinky? - Who's blinky? She's who you hire when you're suing for sexual harassment.
Blinky was here? Garrett.
What are you doing here? I missed you.
Cassie, I am in serious trouble because of what happened.
Oh, come on.
That's why the sex was so good, Garrett.
Because you were breaking rules.
You weren't just screwing me, you were screwing this whole establishment.
Cassie, you shouldn't be here.
You really need to go now.
Okay, just give me a quick tour.
I want to see where you work.
I don't have time.
Then just show me your file room.
Cassie, I could lose my job.
Maybe I already have.
Really? Then how about we just do it right here in front of everyone, and you can go out in style? You need to go.
I'm not leaving, Garrett, unless you promise to screw my brains out tonight.
Okay.
Say it.
I want to hear you say it.
Denny, look at me.
I adore you.
And please don't interpret that as meaning - You want me! - I want you.
I'm not going to explain to you all the laws regarding sexual harassment, but the only way to avoid a train wreck where you become the victim is for Lori to call this off.
I apologized.
I said You need to try harder.
One of the reasons I came back here, Denny, you make me laugh.
But this isn't funny.
All right, we'll begin with opening statements, starting with the plaintiff.
Good morning.
My name is Denise Bauer.
I, along with Sara Holt, will be representing the plaintiff Jose Pitino, whose wife Elena died in the fire that started in their garage when their pickup truck, manufactured and sold by the defendant, suddenly burst into flames.
The truck was not running at the time.
In fact, it had not been driven all night.
Let me begin by saying that a terrible human tragedy has occurred here, and of course nothing that happens in this courtroom will bring Elena Pitino back.
Lawsuits, you see, are ultimately about money, putting a dollar figure on suffering.
Admittedly, there is some question as to how much Elena even suffered in the fire.
Also admittedly, Elena was in the final stages of ovarian cancer.
She had come home from the hospital, in fact, that very day, basically to die.
You may ask yourselves, "What damages did she really endure?" Well, you will hear from Jose Pitino, and what you will hear is that she had a day and another day coming after that and another one after that.
She had, in fact, six or seven days to be at home with her family.
She didn't get those days.
She never got that last opportunity to sit with her grandchildren.
Jose was never able to hold his wife of 37 years in his arms.
Hold her in his arms and, um if any of you have spent the final days with a loved one dying of cancer or another disease, you know that those moments are the most precious.
Jose and Elena Pitino had those days coming.
They didn't get them.
You can't bring Elena Pitino back, but you are in a position to help save others.
Because lawsuits, in addition to money, are about allocating burden.
Who is best able to prevent this tragedy from happening again? Well, you might be inclined to think this is just a freak accident.
But in fact, this is a much bigger problem.
This is a very popular sport truck made by a major manufacturer of sport trucks, and they're catching fire.
The defendant has recently recalled almost a million of their vehicles because of this malfunction.
So you see, this is potentially your problem.
How do you motivate a corporate conglomerate to fix a defect? You make it too expensive for them not to.
At the conclusion of this trial, when it finally comes down to a dollar amount, I'll be asking you to be legislators and come back with a number that says to the defendant and all car manufacturers, "Make your vehicles safe".
For your sake, for your daughters, for your grandsons.
And I'll ask you to be human beings, the conscience of a compassionate society, and return with a verdict that somehow reflects everything that was taken from Elena Pitino, her family and most of all her high-school sweetheart.
They just got off the elevator.
I don't care what the offer is, nobody reacts.
Let me do the talking, all of it.
It must be a much bigger offer if they expect Let's just see.
Once again, nobody speaks.
Denise.
Welcome back.
Mr.
Pitino.
Ms.
Holt.
- It's okay to say hello.
- Hi.
We're due back in court at 4 unless we settle this.
- Do you have a number? - We do.
Let me preface by saying that the client is making this offer against my advice.
I feel it is far too generous.
Of course.
What is it? $ 1.
4 Million Dollars Oh, my God.
Too low.
- Too low.
- What about punitives? That's everything, Denise.
You either take it, or we go back.
I think there's more.
This is good, Denise.
Are you sure? Yes.
Okay.
Well, back to court we go.
You can't be serious.
Our jury research consultant says we should get something with a two.
I trust them.
Let's go.
$1.
7.
That's as high as I'm authorized.
- Payable now? - All of it.
- Done.
- No admission.
Check by end of business tomorrow? Done - Yoll draft? - Yes.
Congratulations, Mr.
Pitino.
And let me say personally, I'm very sorry for your loss.
I don't know what to say.
Jose, I just want you to know I would have never let the $1.
4 go.
I I think I need to go to the bathroom.
I don't want to cry in front of you, so that's why I'm going Thank you, Denise.
I If you ever want to join my weekly poker game, you are more than invited.
Can I just say that You have other work to do.
Yes.
Go do it, please.
Cassie Look, this it doesn't feel right.
Okay.
I love you.
Better? This feels angry.
What's wrong? There's nothing wrong with me! What's wrong with you? - Just - I'm done.
I don't know what's going on but Look, let's just, uh They killed my brother.
Excuse me? My, my little brother.
He's dead.
Last week in Baghdad.
He was he was guarding some, some stupid truck.
And somebody blew it up.
He he was only 18.
They, they killed him.
He was my my baby brother, and he's not coming home.
Just get off me.
Can I get them for that? I want to get them.
Can I get them? The thing about an apology is it may make you a bigger man but, the experience of saying it makes you feel very small.
I'm sorry.
I really am.
Why did you call me chubby? I didn't mean anything by it.
Well, it hurt.
But see, what I don't get is you know how much I care about you, admire you, even.
I suppose I'm not feeling that.
I hesitate to admit this but, when I was 7 years old, I was a fatty.
During my parents' divorce, my mother had a lawyer.
She was thin, smart, secure, confident in mind and body.
And I said to myself, "That's what I'm gonna be when I grow up".
And I did grow up to be her, or so I thought.
I haven't been feeling very secure lately, Denny, either in mind or body.
My skin has become increasingly thin with all of the sexual banter in the office.
I've been feeling marginalized as an attorney.
Maybe it's because this is such a boys' club.
I don't know.
But I'm struggling here, Denny.
I'll admit to being bad only if you discipline me.
I don't think it's a good idea for you to hound first-year associates.
I don't hound the first-year associates, Shirley.
I tickle them.
As for Sara Holt, I barely touched her.
My concern isn't for Sara as much as it is you.
It makes you look sad, even pathetic.
What is it about young women? Is it simply a matter of improving blood flow? I'm not so much attracted to younger women.
It's more the idea that they could be attracted to me.
You know, you women have it lucky.
As you age, you only get more beautiful.
Men, we get fat and less desirable.
You and Denny need to find other ways to have fun than being lecherous with junior associates.
Got the cigar on the ear again.
I need to amuse myself in ways I can't get sued.
Lori Colson evidently met with blinky Waters.
You may, in fact, get sued.
Shirley says we need to behave better.
If she really knew us deep down, she'd realize we behave pretty damn well.
I miss Tara.
Not that she was I don't like having dinner alone, sleeping alone.
Having sex alone.
Do you think it's pathetic Should we be married and sensible and go home to do whatever men do at home? Well, I have nothing against marriage.
I've done it five times.
But here's the thing about wives.
They don't let you play with your friends.
I couldn't be standing outside here every night on this balcony I'll take a friend over a wife every time.
Shouldn't a wife be your best friend? You know, Ralph Waldo Emerson said he reckoned a friend to be the masterpiece of nature.
I'm not sure I truly understood that before I met you, Denny.
I'm not having sex with you.
Just the same.
Lori really might sue? She met with blinky.