Boston Legal s02e18 Episode Script
Shock and Oww!
Previously on Boston Legal.
I was drug addict and I needed my father and you abandoned me.
Who is this? Your granddaughter.
Please welcome Mr.
and Mrs.
Denny Crane.
Denny! Bev has hired an army of lawyers to gut this firm.
An agreement has been reached in the matter of Crane vs.
Crane.
I will buy a house for Bev in Hawaii.
You'll be the one that got away from Denny Crane.
Look me up if you're ever on the big island.
I am the big island.
Denny, they're doing some sort of renovations at my hotel.
I was wondering if I could spend the night at your place.
Stay as long as you need.
believe that 24% of married couples, which to me is a very large number, do not sleep in the same bed.
Yeah yeah listen to me.
Yeah! Denny, you're ready to go? And they say it has nothing to do And they're happy about it with not being compatible with a person.
You want to get a good night's rest Denny, you must go to work.
It's hump day, your favorite day.
I don't have a favorite anything anymore.
Listen, I understand the need to retreat into oneself after a failed love affair, but you haven't gone to work in three days.
You've been in that bed for two.
You're drinking scotch at 9:00 in the morning.
And most disturbingly, you're watching "The View".
Leave me alone.
Hey! hey! hey! same team.
Same team! Consider this an intervention.
It's no use, Alan.
Nothing interests me anymore.
Construction worker Russell Blayney arrested for attempted murder for setting a booby trap in his home to catch burglars.
Miguel Dominguez allegedly broke into Blayney's house and received a reported 50,000 volts of electricity through his body, paralyzing him from the waist down and leaving us all with the question Russell Blayney victim or vigilante? In other news today That case I want that case.
I see your bliss is back as well.
Your honor, the commonwealth moves that bail be denied.
Mr.
Blayney is charged with attempted murder and is an obvious flight risk.
If I may, my client Your honor I need a moment with my client.
You don't have a client here, Mr.
Crane.
Count to ten, judge.
Mr.
Blayney, do you know who I am? Yeah, you're Denny Crane.
I've seen you on "Larry King".
You're famous.
So who would you rather have as your attorney me or, uh, hacky McGuilty Verdict here? I've faced him before, you'd rather have him.
Don't feel bad, son.
Take a big man to recognize a bigger man.
We're waiting, Mr.
Crane.
Uh, I move for a continuance, your honor.
I just got the case.
Shirley, first thing in the morning, even haven't had my coffee.
Normally I'd make a witty retort about caffeine and your aging reproductive system, but not today, Alan.
I have a problem.
Karl Hauser died this week.
The photographer.
I knew him years ago.
We hadn't been in touch for some time, but well, he's dead.
I'm sorry.
I met Karl when I was a sophomore at Wellesley.
I spent the summer in Manhattan, and we met in the West Village.
He was this amazing, fascinating man, and he told me I was very pretty.
And I did some modeling for him.
Please tell me this is going where I think it's going.
Yeah, it is.
Karl took some very tasteful black and white nudes of me.
I am so disappointed in you, Shirley.
"Tasteful"? There's going to be an estate auction.
And I want you to find a way to block the sale of those photographs.
How many pictures are we talking about? I think there were 15, maybe 20 That's not so many.
rolls of film that he used.
I am so glad I came into work today.
Down, boy, this is serious.
Karl promised me that he wouldn't show the photographs to anyone.
However, I signed a standard release saying that he could show them to everyone.
Why are you so worried about this, Shirley? You were young.
Young people do all sorts of things.
And now you wear clothes to the office every single day.
Shocking as it may seem to you, Alan.
I like my privacy.
Maybe I'll want to be a federal judge someday.
And being a named partner at a prestigious law firm Well, it's not good for business.
I'll give you my best effort.
Of course, at some point, I will have to examine the evidence thoroughly.
Oh! Here they are.
Oh, sorry we're late.
No, problem.
Fiona, say hello to grandpa.
Hi, paw paw.
Hi.
Hello, sweetheart.
I guess you're paw paw form now on.
Well, that's one of the nicest names I've ever been called.
We were almost out the door.
She insisted on wearing the red cowboy boots.
I finally said okay.
And of course, then we could only find one, and we finally found the other one on top of the refrigerator.
Oh! And you get to where it's pointless to ask how it got on top of the refrigerator.
You just grab it and go.
I, uh, I took the liberty of ordering coffee and some hot chocolate.
Oh, thanks so much.
We can just stay a second.
It's Fiona first day at Happy Duck Day Care.
Ah! is that a good place? But don't let the cheesy name fool you.
They're great.
I went to so many places.
I had a checklist I used.
.
ah, yeah, here it is.
Ah, well, let's see what we have here.
"Childcare Question".
"Are They Licensed and Monitored?" "Do They Afford Opportunities for Both Active and Quiet Play?" "Is the Staff Trained in C.
P.
R.
?" "Do the Kids Appear Happy?" Rachel, this is a very thorough list.
Well, she's my daughter.
Where are my keys? It's in your pocket.
Yap, here they are.
Dad, in all the cowboy boot madness this morning.
I lost my ATM card somewhere.
You think you could loan me 40 bucks? No, problem.
You know, um, Rachel, if you're in a hurry to get to work, I can drop Fiona off at, uh Happy Duck, is it? Oh, thanks.
We'll make it okay.
Fiona, we have to go.
Thank paw paw for your hot chocolate.
Thanks, paw paw, for my chocolate.
You're very welcome.
Thanks, dad.
Bye, darling.
See ya.
Bye bye.
Bye bye, Fiona.
Bye bye.
By your look, it's not good.
I believe Rachel's using again.
She's back on crystal meth.
What proof do you have? We were supposed to meet at 8:00 coffee shop near her apartment.
She showed up 20 minutes late with Fiona in tow.
Was harried, disorganized.
She couldn't find her keys.
Paul, you have just described every single working mother in America.
Then she asked to borrow $40.
Crystal meth users live their lives in $40 increments, cash.
Paul, this is a very serious accusation, and you need to be absolutely certain before you make it.
I know.
If I'm right, and I do nothing, Fiona could be in danger.
If I act and I'm wrong, Rachel will never speak to me again.
She'll cut me out forever.
What do I do? You've lived through a lot with Rachel, and this relationship you're developing with her now is very new.
You might want to ask yourself if your history with Rachel's drug use is causing you to overreact.
Just think about it.
You, Blondie, you're on my team.
If you've seen the news, you know what a travesty this is.
A man arrested for defending his own home.
it's a farce, and not the funny kind.
This is one serious farce.
May I ask what we're pleading? It seems self-defense Don't like that kind of thinking.
That's defensive thought.
We've got to strike first.
Preempt them.
What'd they say in the news "Victim or vigilante"? It's neither.
This is Russell Blayney hero.
You want to try this case in the press? Exactly.
I want to grab the public's attention.
With a story, a character, a narrative, we have to create our own reality.
You, young punk, you must know computers.
Set up a web site, one of those blobs "Justice for Russell Blayney".
And you, Denise, you'll be my second.
You look good on camera.
Karl Hauser's widow is here.
Straightforward, standard release Karl used for all his models.
A lifetime of papers and contracts, and you manage to find mine.
God bless the organized.
And there's no mistaking your signature.
I'm so sorry.
It's just, here you are.
I may cry.
He loves art.
Marguerite, I'm sorry, but your husband was an adult.
A famous man of the world.
And I was an immature kid who did not understand the document she was signing.
There was no meeting of the minds here.
So this contract, I'm afraid, is not binding.
As I recall, was not your minds that met.
If you were old enough to screw my husband, you were old enough to understand what you were signing.
Your husband talked me into doing quite a few things I didn't understand.
Tell me, why should I do something nice for you? And don't say because you did something nice for my husband.
What do you intend to do with the photos? Half of Karl's collection is already promised to the museum of modern art in New York.
I intend to auction off the other half.
Including those photos.
Your pictures will be going on the block.
I need a favor a very important, very personal favor.
Of course.
After an extended absence, I have recently reconnected with my daughter Rachel, and I've learned that I have a beautiful granddaughter named Fiona.
Congratulations, Paul.
My daughter is a drug addict.
Or at least, she was.
She says she's clean now, but I have my suspicions.
If she is using again, then my granddaughter could be in danger.
My specialty isn't family law.
But what I know No, no, you misunderstand.
I don't want your legal advice.
I want you to find out if my daughter is using drugs again.
Brad if this year has taught me anything, it's that you will get the job done by any means necessary.
I would never ask this of you unless it was essential.
Absolutely.
I'll do what I can.
What have you got? The 26th amendment.
Karl Hauser was taking naked pictures of me, not denying me the vote.
The 26th amendment, which not only extended the right to vote to 18 year olds, but also persuaded the states to grant them status as adults, was ratified in 1971.
The photos were taken in 1966.
Which, by the way, is my new favorite year.
And now mine as well.
I wasn't 21 when I signed that agreement.
I was legally a minor, and therefore can repudiate the contract.
And I am an idiot.
Why didn't I think of this sooner? I'm going to credit karma or Freud.
Either way, it's because I was destined to discover and revel in the natural wonders of all that is you.
Uh, excuse me.
I'm looking for some books on addiction and recovery.
Uh, yeah, they're in the self-help section right over there.
Thanks.
Is there, you know, one book that's better than the others? This way.
This one has some good advice on the early stages, when you're detoxing and and all that wonderful stuff.
And, uh, this one is really good for that time rights after you've stopped.
When you're trying to figure out how to put your life back together.
Well, you know a lot about this.
Well, clean five years, three months and seven days.
It's hard, but when you're ready, you can get there.
Thanks.
Sure.
Uh, what time do you get off work? Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm not coming on to you.
I was just hoping that we could talk some more.
I've sort of run out of people to talk to.
I get off at 7:00.
Thanks.
Sure, I'm Rachel.
I'm Brad.
Nice to meet you.
You're buying those, right? Oh, right, right.
I, uh, I hang sheetrock, mostly for industrial buildings.
A craftsman.
He works with his hands.
Write that down.
What else? Oh, well, I live alone.
Jamaica Plain.
My ex-wife left me the house.
It's not a bad neighborhood.
But it does border one, and it's vulnerable because I have those old fashioned lever windows.
I can't afford an alarm system.
I've been broken into four times in the last two years.
Drug addicts, they take everything.
They took my TV, my bike my power tools, my guitar.
Musician.
He writes the songs.
Uh, but, uh, what finally did it for me was when I was building an end table for my father for his television remote, his nebulizer 'cause he has, uh, some asthma.
And I'm halfway done, and some guy breaks into the house and he.
.
and he steals my table saw.
My table saw! I mean, that was it.
That's that was all I could take.
I'm not into guns.
Don't write that down.
But I, uh, I knew that I I had to do something.
So that's when I rigged up my little system.
You know, just a little jolt, you know, send them a little shock.
Tell us what happened that night.
You were at home? Yeah, I was awake, actually.
Um, I was putting some dishes away in the dishwasher.
And I heard some noise on the porch.
And I thought, here we go, this is it.
So I moved into the living room.
So you saw him? Yeah, he was looking right through the window.
He's a big wetback, you know? Latino.
Drug addict, I, He was completely high.
I could see it in his eyes even from inside the house.
And then what happened? Well, he he starts for the window.
Now I don't know if you've ever seen anyone on crystal meth or acid or, I don't know, whatever this guy was on.
But, you know, they're big and they're ugly.
And they feel like they're invincible.
So, he he starts trying to pry open the window with a screwdriver or something.
and, uh you know, that was it.
The electricity went up the screwdriver into his body.
He he completed the circuit.
Sound horrible.
Honestly, you know, it wasn't.
I mean, watching this guy.
It was, it was like watching every guy who broke into my house over the years and took from me, stole my stuff.
I mean, he was just getting what he deserved, right? Let me tell you the most unbelievable thing.
Did you know that when you get electrocuted, you know, your blood literally boils? Right inside the veins.
That's how the electricity flows through your body, through you veins! And so here's this guy.
He's a wetback.
But I could see his veins are glowing through his skin as he was being charred from the inside out.
And I I could smell his flesh burning.
Which was weird.
It smelled like a a roast.
A well deserved, cooked roast.
That's when I, You know.
Finally turned off the electricity, when he was good and done.
Well, so much for putting our hero on the stand.
Oh, he's on the stand, all right.
Denny, with all due respect, the man was practically wearing a bib with a knife and a fork in each hand as he was telling that story.
Denise, never give up an option.
The man was alit with passion, the kind of passion that moves juries.
So? So he tell the story, not necessarily all his story, but the part we want to tell.
We're the ones creating the narrative.
Are you kidding? Were you kidding about wanting to get straight? No.
Thank you, Patrick, and keep coming back, buddy.
Um, are there any other new members here today? Brad would you like to share? Uh, no.
I'm new.
It'll make you feel better.
Right, uh Hi, uh Say your name.
I'm Brad.
I'm a drug addict.
Hi, Brad.
Um, I'm not used to talking in public.
Well, actually, I am, just not talking about myself.
Wow.
you're just going to let me keep going.
Okay.
I was in the marine corps during the first Gulf War, operation Desert Storm.
February 24, 1991.
I was a Lieutenant in second reconnaissance battalion of the first marine expeditionary force.
Under enemy mortar, artillery and small arms fire, we breached minefields, trenches, barbed wire and disabled six enemy divisions.
By the morning of the 28th, from a hundred hours after the ground operations had begun, our coalition forces had destroyed 42 enemy divisions.
That's the bulk of the Iraqi army in the Kuwaiti theater of operations.
So then I started using drugs.
Denny, you're shiny and in a wedge.
My team, Alan.
I'm back and I'm feeling it.
I've realized a truth about myself.
I just love power.
Well, it seems to have a thing for you as well.
It's m natural state.
It's my homeostasis.
Don't read anything into that remark.
I already did.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
It works if you work it.
So work it! See you soon.
That was a nice story.
Uh thanks.
Too bad it was a lie.
I won the war, then started using? I've been coming to these meetings every day for five years.
If you didn't want to share your problems, you should've just passed.
Oh, sharing's not really my thing.
It's probably just how I was raised.
Doesn't mean you can't change.
I was raised the same way.
Really? Yeah, my mother was warm, but my father kept every emotion tightly tucked away in his suit pocket.
Right next to his watch.
It's not always that easy to open up.
Ah, but it is.
You just say what's on your mind.
Instead, my dad always the attorney.
He'd just sit back and play little games.
You know, letting out information with his obtuse questions.
And on the rare occasion when he would open up and talk to me, he wasn't happy unless I told him what he wanted to hear.
You know, being him I think it's a hard way to live.
I'm sorry.
And I'm sorry.
Well, buy me a cup of coffee and I might forgive you.
Great.
And therefore, at age 19, Ms.
Schmidt was, in fact, a minor.
There was no parental consent here, So, in essence, your husband was illegally taking nude photographs of an underage girl.
You make a legitimate argument, Mr.
Shore.
Not my favorite kind, but I'm glad to play for that team when necessary.
And you could certainly take us to court and fight this battle with that argument.
We will if we have to.
However, I believe our goal was to get these photos out of the public eye.
I'm afraid with a court battle, a very public court battle, these photos could find their way to the press.
Before that could happen, of course, we'd ask the court to seal all exhibits and issue an appropriate gag order to prevent disclosure.
And you'd win, but you know what? Thanks to the internet, winning doesn't matter anymore.
These photos could somehow find their way onto the web, then all around the world, and then where would you be? Marguerite.
Marguerite.
Oh, I'll be right out.
Alan.
I'm sorry.
Thank you.
Marguerite Those pictures I have grandchildren.
The thought of them seeing those photographs I understand.
I'm sorry.
Your honor, Mr.
Dominguez's prior burglary convictions and history of drug abuse have no bearing on whether the defendant improperly electrified his home.
Nonsense.
This felon was higher than a kite when he got zapped.
He has six prior convictions for larceny, burglary and grand theft auto.
Of course it's relevant.
The prejudicial effect of the victim's prior criminal activity Your honor, my client is a victim here.
I don't under Clearly outweighs any probative value such evidence would have for the jury.
Enough.
Mr.
Ginsberg is right.
The evidence is highly prejudicial and will be barred at trial.
Mr.
Crane, you may not bring up Mr.
Dominguez's prior bad acts unless the door to impeachment has been opened.
Before answering any questions, I want to thank my client Miguel Dominguez for bravely agreeing to be here today.
Mr.
Dominguez suffers from severe paralysis and a host of other debilitating symptoms as the result of his electrocution.
Nevertheless, he is here today to stand up for all of us, to help in the fight to make our country a safer place, a place where citizens do not take the law into their own hands.
Mr.
Dominguez is an inspiration to his community.
He is a hero.
Thank you.
That bastard stole my story.
What about branding? I haven't branded yet.
No branding? No, no, not.
Denny.
Denny.
Oh, uh, Denise Bauer.
Candy Springtime, public relations.
Hello.
Hi.
She's with, uh, Sherling Thompson.
The same, uh, public relations firm the government uses.
So you know she's good.
Denise, we're rolling out a new campaign to take back the story on Mr.
Blayney.
Ya "Take back the story"? Oh, Denny tells me that you haven't branded him yet.
So I took the initiative and created a brand.
Russell Blayney, American Homeowner.
"American Homeowner"? Simple.
It's to the point.
And cozy.
Say it for me, Denny.
Press conference voice.
Russell Blayney, American Homeowner.
Now wait a minute, wait a minute.
American Homeowner, Russell Blayney.
See, it works both ways.
Versatile.
But do we really think that we need to label Mr.
Blayney? Denny? Uh, Denise Rodney King.
Rodney King, uh, severely beaten by the police over ten years ago.
See, you remember, why? Branding.
They didn't call him Rodney King wife beater, alcohol abuser, who swung a tire iron at a convenience store clerk.
They called him Rodney King, motorist.
Or motorist Rodney king.
Brings to mind images of a jaunty man in a riding hat and cap in a model T.
That's what we want.
Russell Blayney, American Homeowner.
Not Russell Blayney eats them broiled, baked or fried.
But Rodney King was beaten.
Okay, now this is just a mock up.
Obviously, we will replace Jimmy Stewart with Mr.
Blayney.
But the banner can and should be behind you every press conference, Denny.
Now we will send B-Roll of Mr.
Blayney to the press, working in his garage, using his table saw, working with his power tools, fixing things around the house.
And as far as the talking points, keep it simple, Denny.
Speak of the opposition as the drug crazed intruder, the incident as the harrowing home invasion.
Now I know you're tight with Larry King.
But we are negotiating with "Nightline," "Hardball" and "The Daily Show".
That is where most Americans get their news.
There's no way we're gonna win this, is there? Legally, yes, there is, as for accomplishing your goals, no.
But when you have occasion to ask for my help, Shirley.
Typically, it's not really legal help you're looking for.
I'll assume this is no exception.
Alan, I've already caused Marguerite Hauser as much pain as I care to.
I'll leave the creativity to you, just don't hurt her.
America is under siege, not from Saddam or pro-terrorists, but from namby pamby pro-burglary advocates who want to strip us of the right to protect what's ours.
That's what our Looks like Denny's being Denny.
He's "creating the reality".
I doubt many people would want to live in Denny's reality.
All I know is there are two rotten guys in this case, and both sides are trying to make theirs as the hero.
If you've got a problem with this case, I suggest you talk to the guy whose name is on the door.
I'm not naive, Paul.
I know this kind of manipulation goes on all the time.
But I'm an attorney, not a spin doctor.
Oh, yes, you are.
We all are.
That's what attorneys do tell stories, create characters, capture an audience, try them make them feel what we want them to feel.
That's good lawyering.
Only these days, everybody's trying to get in on our act The government, the corporations.
There are no facts anymore, kiddo.
Only good or bad fiction.
which story do you plan to sell the jury? Don't you worry.
This case will never go to trial.
Mr.
Shore, with all due respect.
You are on our last nerve.
You said you had an intriguing offer.
Get to it.
Delighted.
First, how about we ask all the lawyers to leave the room? You're a lawyer.
Okay.
How about all the lawyers who aren't me? Here it is, then.
Simply put it's Shirley Schmidt.
As much as I admire and respect her, if I don't resolve this case, I'm afraid she'll get nervous and fall back on old habits.
She'll call in the old guard, one of the cronies in banking and finance, someone who smells like old pipe smoke and hair tonic, someone with a florid nose from too many old fashioned at lunch down the street.
And this fella, whoever he is, will have friends.
Friends who work in banks, who probably shouldn't, who don't treat confidential information very confidentially.
And then, Marguerite, the old crony will discover how deeply in debt you are.
And once he learns this, my replacement will make a few phone calls, write a few letters and seek out your husband's most distant and forgotten relative.
Perhaps a less fortunate cousin who always admired but could never afford one of your husband's beautiful artworks.
And my replacement will reach out to him and commiserate and convince him to contest your husband's will.
At which point, your husband's estate will be tied up.
Well, it could be for years, decades, really.
And if this replacement of mine turns out to be this fella I'm thinking of, it could get really ugly.
For such a vague man, you've been extraordinarily clear, Mr.
Shore.
Yes, and here's the thing.
I just don't like the way these people operate around here.
It's just not right.
These photographs are yours to do with what you please, and you should get a fair market price.
So, before I simply give up and call it a day I'd like to ask you one question.
And what is that? What is your price? Have you made contact with Rachel? I did.
I told her I was a drug addict.
And? She took me to a narcotics anonymous meeting, told me that if I wanted to get clean, that I needed to work the program.
So, she's no longer using? No.
She's been clean for five years.
I mean, she's calm, rational, straightforward very down to earth, as a matter of fact.
Fine.
Thank you, Brad.
You know, Paul, for what it's worth, she really wants to have a relationship with you.
And I with her.
And you know what might help? Is if you showed her a littlie faith.
She might pick up on that.
I beg your pardon? Well, she says that sometimes, you can be very judgmental.
Brad while your efforts are fully appreciated, your advice to a father concerning his daughter is not.
You have no idea the years I've spent dealing with my daughter's illness.
So it would behoove you to be more circumspect.
I'm sorry.
That was over the line.
But, I mean, Paul, the truth is you've got.
Really, a hell of a daughter.
She's sweet, she's beautiful, nothing rattles her.
Even when she lost her ATM card I would've panicked.
But she was really cool.
What are you talking about? Oh, Rachel lost her ATM card.
So I loaned her 40 bucks.
Dad.
I had a lunch meeting nearby.
Well, how very impromptu of you, and unusual.
Yes, well people can change.
Yes, they can.
Come on in.
Can I get you something to drink? No, no, I I thought I would take Fiona to the aquarium if that's all right with you.
Yeah, I I pick her up from day care in 20 minutes.
Good, I'll go with you.
Sure.
May I use your bathroom? Through there.
You have a child.
A child! This is my house.
How long? You came here and you set me up.
You will not ruin her.
You have ruined everything and everyone you've ever come in contact with.
I hate you.
You will not do this to my granddaughter.
I hate you.
You bastard! Is counsel prepared to begin voir dire? We are, your honor.
The commonwealth may begin.
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm assistant district attorney Ginsberg.
Now as we begin to pick our potential jury members, I just want to get to know a bit about you.
First off, by a show of hands, how many of you have heard about this case on the news? I see.
And how many of you have seen opposing counsel Denny crane on the news? Juror number seven, can you tell us what opinions you've formed? I think people should be allowed to defend their homes.
Like Mr.
Crane said, if the guy didn't want to get hurt, he shouldn't have been robbing anyone.
Commonwealth challenges juror number seven for cause.
No objection, your honor.
Juror number seven, you are excused.
I've worked hard to become an American Homeowner.
If the guy tried to break into my place I'd do the same thing.
I'd want to kill the son of a bitch.
It's my right as an American Homeowner.
I may live in an apartment, but I still consider myselfan American Homeowner.
American homeowner.
American homeowner.
American homeowner.
American homeowner.
God bless America.
Your honor, with his television appearances and theatrics, Mr.
Crane has tainted the jury pool to such an extent that the commonwealth moves for a change of venue.
Denied, Mr.
Ginsberg.
You both have manipulated the media coverage of this case, only Mr.
Crane has done a better job of it.
You will play in the sandbox that you built.
Shirley, Blondie, join me.
I'm happy to inform you there's going to be a plea bargain in the American Homeowner case.
How do you know? Today, my office has indicted city councilman Adam Patrick on charges of accepting bribes and illegal campaign contributions.
He has agreed to surrender at his arraignment.
He's changing the narrative.
We're yesterday's news.
You got to hand it to him.
The guy's good.
He's creating his next reality.
I wonder what he's gonna put on the table.
No jail time.
How can you be so sure? Years of experience.
And he called a half an hour ago.
What are you going to do with those? I haven't decided.
You know the one where you're not quite sure what you're looking at, then you take a step back and realize what it is? That one may be going in the powder room.
Alan Tell you what I'll leave them to you when I die.
As things stand, I'm quite sure I'll pass on before you.
Show those pictures to anyone, and I'll see to it myself.
Shirley, I have no intention of sharing those with anyone.
I'm keeping you all to myself.
I give you my word.
You're one of the few people for whom I know that to be true.
Thank you.
No, thank you.
I understand congratulations are in order.
Never lost, never will.
I may not be the Denny Crane I once was, but until today, I didn't realize that this Denny Crane might be even better.
Opposing lawyers everywhere are quaking in their custom fitted shoes.
Damn right, they are.
So who cares if she Who cares You're still upset about Bev.
What I don't understand is, I was married to one of my wives for five years, got over her in a day.
Bev and I were married for three hours, and yet And yet? Do you know that I even have memories of her that aren't sexual? I'm sure you do.
I miss her.
I miss her.
Well, are the rumors true? You have naked photos of Shirley? Ah, come on.
What's the big deal? I've had naked photos of Shirley for years.
Denny, she's asleep in all these.
Here's one where she woke up.
Have you ever seen a beautiful, naked woman look that angry?
I was drug addict and I needed my father and you abandoned me.
Who is this? Your granddaughter.
Please welcome Mr.
and Mrs.
Denny Crane.
Denny! Bev has hired an army of lawyers to gut this firm.
An agreement has been reached in the matter of Crane vs.
Crane.
I will buy a house for Bev in Hawaii.
You'll be the one that got away from Denny Crane.
Look me up if you're ever on the big island.
I am the big island.
Denny, they're doing some sort of renovations at my hotel.
I was wondering if I could spend the night at your place.
Stay as long as you need.
believe that 24% of married couples, which to me is a very large number, do not sleep in the same bed.
Yeah yeah listen to me.
Yeah! Denny, you're ready to go? And they say it has nothing to do And they're happy about it with not being compatible with a person.
You want to get a good night's rest Denny, you must go to work.
It's hump day, your favorite day.
I don't have a favorite anything anymore.
Listen, I understand the need to retreat into oneself after a failed love affair, but you haven't gone to work in three days.
You've been in that bed for two.
You're drinking scotch at 9:00 in the morning.
And most disturbingly, you're watching "The View".
Leave me alone.
Hey! hey! hey! same team.
Same team! Consider this an intervention.
It's no use, Alan.
Nothing interests me anymore.
Construction worker Russell Blayney arrested for attempted murder for setting a booby trap in his home to catch burglars.
Miguel Dominguez allegedly broke into Blayney's house and received a reported 50,000 volts of electricity through his body, paralyzing him from the waist down and leaving us all with the question Russell Blayney victim or vigilante? In other news today That case I want that case.
I see your bliss is back as well.
Your honor, the commonwealth moves that bail be denied.
Mr.
Blayney is charged with attempted murder and is an obvious flight risk.
If I may, my client Your honor I need a moment with my client.
You don't have a client here, Mr.
Crane.
Count to ten, judge.
Mr.
Blayney, do you know who I am? Yeah, you're Denny Crane.
I've seen you on "Larry King".
You're famous.
So who would you rather have as your attorney me or, uh, hacky McGuilty Verdict here? I've faced him before, you'd rather have him.
Don't feel bad, son.
Take a big man to recognize a bigger man.
We're waiting, Mr.
Crane.
Uh, I move for a continuance, your honor.
I just got the case.
Shirley, first thing in the morning, even haven't had my coffee.
Normally I'd make a witty retort about caffeine and your aging reproductive system, but not today, Alan.
I have a problem.
Karl Hauser died this week.
The photographer.
I knew him years ago.
We hadn't been in touch for some time, but well, he's dead.
I'm sorry.
I met Karl when I was a sophomore at Wellesley.
I spent the summer in Manhattan, and we met in the West Village.
He was this amazing, fascinating man, and he told me I was very pretty.
And I did some modeling for him.
Please tell me this is going where I think it's going.
Yeah, it is.
Karl took some very tasteful black and white nudes of me.
I am so disappointed in you, Shirley.
"Tasteful"? There's going to be an estate auction.
And I want you to find a way to block the sale of those photographs.
How many pictures are we talking about? I think there were 15, maybe 20 That's not so many.
rolls of film that he used.
I am so glad I came into work today.
Down, boy, this is serious.
Karl promised me that he wouldn't show the photographs to anyone.
However, I signed a standard release saying that he could show them to everyone.
Why are you so worried about this, Shirley? You were young.
Young people do all sorts of things.
And now you wear clothes to the office every single day.
Shocking as it may seem to you, Alan.
I like my privacy.
Maybe I'll want to be a federal judge someday.
And being a named partner at a prestigious law firm Well, it's not good for business.
I'll give you my best effort.
Of course, at some point, I will have to examine the evidence thoroughly.
Oh! Here they are.
Oh, sorry we're late.
No, problem.
Fiona, say hello to grandpa.
Hi, paw paw.
Hi.
Hello, sweetheart.
I guess you're paw paw form now on.
Well, that's one of the nicest names I've ever been called.
We were almost out the door.
She insisted on wearing the red cowboy boots.
I finally said okay.
And of course, then we could only find one, and we finally found the other one on top of the refrigerator.
Oh! And you get to where it's pointless to ask how it got on top of the refrigerator.
You just grab it and go.
I, uh, I took the liberty of ordering coffee and some hot chocolate.
Oh, thanks so much.
We can just stay a second.
It's Fiona first day at Happy Duck Day Care.
Ah! is that a good place? But don't let the cheesy name fool you.
They're great.
I went to so many places.
I had a checklist I used.
.
ah, yeah, here it is.
Ah, well, let's see what we have here.
"Childcare Question".
"Are They Licensed and Monitored?" "Do They Afford Opportunities for Both Active and Quiet Play?" "Is the Staff Trained in C.
P.
R.
?" "Do the Kids Appear Happy?" Rachel, this is a very thorough list.
Well, she's my daughter.
Where are my keys? It's in your pocket.
Yap, here they are.
Dad, in all the cowboy boot madness this morning.
I lost my ATM card somewhere.
You think you could loan me 40 bucks? No, problem.
You know, um, Rachel, if you're in a hurry to get to work, I can drop Fiona off at, uh Happy Duck, is it? Oh, thanks.
We'll make it okay.
Fiona, we have to go.
Thank paw paw for your hot chocolate.
Thanks, paw paw, for my chocolate.
You're very welcome.
Thanks, dad.
Bye, darling.
See ya.
Bye bye.
Bye bye, Fiona.
Bye bye.
By your look, it's not good.
I believe Rachel's using again.
She's back on crystal meth.
What proof do you have? We were supposed to meet at 8:00 coffee shop near her apartment.
She showed up 20 minutes late with Fiona in tow.
Was harried, disorganized.
She couldn't find her keys.
Paul, you have just described every single working mother in America.
Then she asked to borrow $40.
Crystal meth users live their lives in $40 increments, cash.
Paul, this is a very serious accusation, and you need to be absolutely certain before you make it.
I know.
If I'm right, and I do nothing, Fiona could be in danger.
If I act and I'm wrong, Rachel will never speak to me again.
She'll cut me out forever.
What do I do? You've lived through a lot with Rachel, and this relationship you're developing with her now is very new.
You might want to ask yourself if your history with Rachel's drug use is causing you to overreact.
Just think about it.
You, Blondie, you're on my team.
If you've seen the news, you know what a travesty this is.
A man arrested for defending his own home.
it's a farce, and not the funny kind.
This is one serious farce.
May I ask what we're pleading? It seems self-defense Don't like that kind of thinking.
That's defensive thought.
We've got to strike first.
Preempt them.
What'd they say in the news "Victim or vigilante"? It's neither.
This is Russell Blayney hero.
You want to try this case in the press? Exactly.
I want to grab the public's attention.
With a story, a character, a narrative, we have to create our own reality.
You, young punk, you must know computers.
Set up a web site, one of those blobs "Justice for Russell Blayney".
And you, Denise, you'll be my second.
You look good on camera.
Karl Hauser's widow is here.
Straightforward, standard release Karl used for all his models.
A lifetime of papers and contracts, and you manage to find mine.
God bless the organized.
And there's no mistaking your signature.
I'm so sorry.
It's just, here you are.
I may cry.
He loves art.
Marguerite, I'm sorry, but your husband was an adult.
A famous man of the world.
And I was an immature kid who did not understand the document she was signing.
There was no meeting of the minds here.
So this contract, I'm afraid, is not binding.
As I recall, was not your minds that met.
If you were old enough to screw my husband, you were old enough to understand what you were signing.
Your husband talked me into doing quite a few things I didn't understand.
Tell me, why should I do something nice for you? And don't say because you did something nice for my husband.
What do you intend to do with the photos? Half of Karl's collection is already promised to the museum of modern art in New York.
I intend to auction off the other half.
Including those photos.
Your pictures will be going on the block.
I need a favor a very important, very personal favor.
Of course.
After an extended absence, I have recently reconnected with my daughter Rachel, and I've learned that I have a beautiful granddaughter named Fiona.
Congratulations, Paul.
My daughter is a drug addict.
Or at least, she was.
She says she's clean now, but I have my suspicions.
If she is using again, then my granddaughter could be in danger.
My specialty isn't family law.
But what I know No, no, you misunderstand.
I don't want your legal advice.
I want you to find out if my daughter is using drugs again.
Brad if this year has taught me anything, it's that you will get the job done by any means necessary.
I would never ask this of you unless it was essential.
Absolutely.
I'll do what I can.
What have you got? The 26th amendment.
Karl Hauser was taking naked pictures of me, not denying me the vote.
The 26th amendment, which not only extended the right to vote to 18 year olds, but also persuaded the states to grant them status as adults, was ratified in 1971.
The photos were taken in 1966.
Which, by the way, is my new favorite year.
And now mine as well.
I wasn't 21 when I signed that agreement.
I was legally a minor, and therefore can repudiate the contract.
And I am an idiot.
Why didn't I think of this sooner? I'm going to credit karma or Freud.
Either way, it's because I was destined to discover and revel in the natural wonders of all that is you.
Uh, excuse me.
I'm looking for some books on addiction and recovery.
Uh, yeah, they're in the self-help section right over there.
Thanks.
Is there, you know, one book that's better than the others? This way.
This one has some good advice on the early stages, when you're detoxing and and all that wonderful stuff.
And, uh, this one is really good for that time rights after you've stopped.
When you're trying to figure out how to put your life back together.
Well, you know a lot about this.
Well, clean five years, three months and seven days.
It's hard, but when you're ready, you can get there.
Thanks.
Sure.
Uh, what time do you get off work? Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm not coming on to you.
I was just hoping that we could talk some more.
I've sort of run out of people to talk to.
I get off at 7:00.
Thanks.
Sure, I'm Rachel.
I'm Brad.
Nice to meet you.
You're buying those, right? Oh, right, right.
I, uh, I hang sheetrock, mostly for industrial buildings.
A craftsman.
He works with his hands.
Write that down.
What else? Oh, well, I live alone.
Jamaica Plain.
My ex-wife left me the house.
It's not a bad neighborhood.
But it does border one, and it's vulnerable because I have those old fashioned lever windows.
I can't afford an alarm system.
I've been broken into four times in the last two years.
Drug addicts, they take everything.
They took my TV, my bike my power tools, my guitar.
Musician.
He writes the songs.
Uh, but, uh, what finally did it for me was when I was building an end table for my father for his television remote, his nebulizer 'cause he has, uh, some asthma.
And I'm halfway done, and some guy breaks into the house and he.
.
and he steals my table saw.
My table saw! I mean, that was it.
That's that was all I could take.
I'm not into guns.
Don't write that down.
But I, uh, I knew that I I had to do something.
So that's when I rigged up my little system.
You know, just a little jolt, you know, send them a little shock.
Tell us what happened that night.
You were at home? Yeah, I was awake, actually.
Um, I was putting some dishes away in the dishwasher.
And I heard some noise on the porch.
And I thought, here we go, this is it.
So I moved into the living room.
So you saw him? Yeah, he was looking right through the window.
He's a big wetback, you know? Latino.
Drug addict, I, He was completely high.
I could see it in his eyes even from inside the house.
And then what happened? Well, he he starts for the window.
Now I don't know if you've ever seen anyone on crystal meth or acid or, I don't know, whatever this guy was on.
But, you know, they're big and they're ugly.
And they feel like they're invincible.
So, he he starts trying to pry open the window with a screwdriver or something.
and, uh you know, that was it.
The electricity went up the screwdriver into his body.
He he completed the circuit.
Sound horrible.
Honestly, you know, it wasn't.
I mean, watching this guy.
It was, it was like watching every guy who broke into my house over the years and took from me, stole my stuff.
I mean, he was just getting what he deserved, right? Let me tell you the most unbelievable thing.
Did you know that when you get electrocuted, you know, your blood literally boils? Right inside the veins.
That's how the electricity flows through your body, through you veins! And so here's this guy.
He's a wetback.
But I could see his veins are glowing through his skin as he was being charred from the inside out.
And I I could smell his flesh burning.
Which was weird.
It smelled like a a roast.
A well deserved, cooked roast.
That's when I, You know.
Finally turned off the electricity, when he was good and done.
Well, so much for putting our hero on the stand.
Oh, he's on the stand, all right.
Denny, with all due respect, the man was practically wearing a bib with a knife and a fork in each hand as he was telling that story.
Denise, never give up an option.
The man was alit with passion, the kind of passion that moves juries.
So? So he tell the story, not necessarily all his story, but the part we want to tell.
We're the ones creating the narrative.
Are you kidding? Were you kidding about wanting to get straight? No.
Thank you, Patrick, and keep coming back, buddy.
Um, are there any other new members here today? Brad would you like to share? Uh, no.
I'm new.
It'll make you feel better.
Right, uh Hi, uh Say your name.
I'm Brad.
I'm a drug addict.
Hi, Brad.
Um, I'm not used to talking in public.
Well, actually, I am, just not talking about myself.
Wow.
you're just going to let me keep going.
Okay.
I was in the marine corps during the first Gulf War, operation Desert Storm.
February 24, 1991.
I was a Lieutenant in second reconnaissance battalion of the first marine expeditionary force.
Under enemy mortar, artillery and small arms fire, we breached minefields, trenches, barbed wire and disabled six enemy divisions.
By the morning of the 28th, from a hundred hours after the ground operations had begun, our coalition forces had destroyed 42 enemy divisions.
That's the bulk of the Iraqi army in the Kuwaiti theater of operations.
So then I started using drugs.
Denny, you're shiny and in a wedge.
My team, Alan.
I'm back and I'm feeling it.
I've realized a truth about myself.
I just love power.
Well, it seems to have a thing for you as well.
It's m natural state.
It's my homeostasis.
Don't read anything into that remark.
I already did.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
It works if you work it.
So work it! See you soon.
That was a nice story.
Uh thanks.
Too bad it was a lie.
I won the war, then started using? I've been coming to these meetings every day for five years.
If you didn't want to share your problems, you should've just passed.
Oh, sharing's not really my thing.
It's probably just how I was raised.
Doesn't mean you can't change.
I was raised the same way.
Really? Yeah, my mother was warm, but my father kept every emotion tightly tucked away in his suit pocket.
Right next to his watch.
It's not always that easy to open up.
Ah, but it is.
You just say what's on your mind.
Instead, my dad always the attorney.
He'd just sit back and play little games.
You know, letting out information with his obtuse questions.
And on the rare occasion when he would open up and talk to me, he wasn't happy unless I told him what he wanted to hear.
You know, being him I think it's a hard way to live.
I'm sorry.
And I'm sorry.
Well, buy me a cup of coffee and I might forgive you.
Great.
And therefore, at age 19, Ms.
Schmidt was, in fact, a minor.
There was no parental consent here, So, in essence, your husband was illegally taking nude photographs of an underage girl.
You make a legitimate argument, Mr.
Shore.
Not my favorite kind, but I'm glad to play for that team when necessary.
And you could certainly take us to court and fight this battle with that argument.
We will if we have to.
However, I believe our goal was to get these photos out of the public eye.
I'm afraid with a court battle, a very public court battle, these photos could find their way to the press.
Before that could happen, of course, we'd ask the court to seal all exhibits and issue an appropriate gag order to prevent disclosure.
And you'd win, but you know what? Thanks to the internet, winning doesn't matter anymore.
These photos could somehow find their way onto the web, then all around the world, and then where would you be? Marguerite.
Marguerite.
Oh, I'll be right out.
Alan.
I'm sorry.
Thank you.
Marguerite Those pictures I have grandchildren.
The thought of them seeing those photographs I understand.
I'm sorry.
Your honor, Mr.
Dominguez's prior burglary convictions and history of drug abuse have no bearing on whether the defendant improperly electrified his home.
Nonsense.
This felon was higher than a kite when he got zapped.
He has six prior convictions for larceny, burglary and grand theft auto.
Of course it's relevant.
The prejudicial effect of the victim's prior criminal activity Your honor, my client is a victim here.
I don't under Clearly outweighs any probative value such evidence would have for the jury.
Enough.
Mr.
Ginsberg is right.
The evidence is highly prejudicial and will be barred at trial.
Mr.
Crane, you may not bring up Mr.
Dominguez's prior bad acts unless the door to impeachment has been opened.
Before answering any questions, I want to thank my client Miguel Dominguez for bravely agreeing to be here today.
Mr.
Dominguez suffers from severe paralysis and a host of other debilitating symptoms as the result of his electrocution.
Nevertheless, he is here today to stand up for all of us, to help in the fight to make our country a safer place, a place where citizens do not take the law into their own hands.
Mr.
Dominguez is an inspiration to his community.
He is a hero.
Thank you.
That bastard stole my story.
What about branding? I haven't branded yet.
No branding? No, no, not.
Denny.
Denny.
Oh, uh, Denise Bauer.
Candy Springtime, public relations.
Hello.
Hi.
She's with, uh, Sherling Thompson.
The same, uh, public relations firm the government uses.
So you know she's good.
Denise, we're rolling out a new campaign to take back the story on Mr.
Blayney.
Ya "Take back the story"? Oh, Denny tells me that you haven't branded him yet.
So I took the initiative and created a brand.
Russell Blayney, American Homeowner.
"American Homeowner"? Simple.
It's to the point.
And cozy.
Say it for me, Denny.
Press conference voice.
Russell Blayney, American Homeowner.
Now wait a minute, wait a minute.
American Homeowner, Russell Blayney.
See, it works both ways.
Versatile.
But do we really think that we need to label Mr.
Blayney? Denny? Uh, Denise Rodney King.
Rodney King, uh, severely beaten by the police over ten years ago.
See, you remember, why? Branding.
They didn't call him Rodney King wife beater, alcohol abuser, who swung a tire iron at a convenience store clerk.
They called him Rodney King, motorist.
Or motorist Rodney king.
Brings to mind images of a jaunty man in a riding hat and cap in a model T.
That's what we want.
Russell Blayney, American Homeowner.
Not Russell Blayney eats them broiled, baked or fried.
But Rodney King was beaten.
Okay, now this is just a mock up.
Obviously, we will replace Jimmy Stewart with Mr.
Blayney.
But the banner can and should be behind you every press conference, Denny.
Now we will send B-Roll of Mr.
Blayney to the press, working in his garage, using his table saw, working with his power tools, fixing things around the house.
And as far as the talking points, keep it simple, Denny.
Speak of the opposition as the drug crazed intruder, the incident as the harrowing home invasion.
Now I know you're tight with Larry King.
But we are negotiating with "Nightline," "Hardball" and "The Daily Show".
That is where most Americans get their news.
There's no way we're gonna win this, is there? Legally, yes, there is, as for accomplishing your goals, no.
But when you have occasion to ask for my help, Shirley.
Typically, it's not really legal help you're looking for.
I'll assume this is no exception.
Alan, I've already caused Marguerite Hauser as much pain as I care to.
I'll leave the creativity to you, just don't hurt her.
America is under siege, not from Saddam or pro-terrorists, but from namby pamby pro-burglary advocates who want to strip us of the right to protect what's ours.
That's what our Looks like Denny's being Denny.
He's "creating the reality".
I doubt many people would want to live in Denny's reality.
All I know is there are two rotten guys in this case, and both sides are trying to make theirs as the hero.
If you've got a problem with this case, I suggest you talk to the guy whose name is on the door.
I'm not naive, Paul.
I know this kind of manipulation goes on all the time.
But I'm an attorney, not a spin doctor.
Oh, yes, you are.
We all are.
That's what attorneys do tell stories, create characters, capture an audience, try them make them feel what we want them to feel.
That's good lawyering.
Only these days, everybody's trying to get in on our act The government, the corporations.
There are no facts anymore, kiddo.
Only good or bad fiction.
which story do you plan to sell the jury? Don't you worry.
This case will never go to trial.
Mr.
Shore, with all due respect.
You are on our last nerve.
You said you had an intriguing offer.
Get to it.
Delighted.
First, how about we ask all the lawyers to leave the room? You're a lawyer.
Okay.
How about all the lawyers who aren't me? Here it is, then.
Simply put it's Shirley Schmidt.
As much as I admire and respect her, if I don't resolve this case, I'm afraid she'll get nervous and fall back on old habits.
She'll call in the old guard, one of the cronies in banking and finance, someone who smells like old pipe smoke and hair tonic, someone with a florid nose from too many old fashioned at lunch down the street.
And this fella, whoever he is, will have friends.
Friends who work in banks, who probably shouldn't, who don't treat confidential information very confidentially.
And then, Marguerite, the old crony will discover how deeply in debt you are.
And once he learns this, my replacement will make a few phone calls, write a few letters and seek out your husband's most distant and forgotten relative.
Perhaps a less fortunate cousin who always admired but could never afford one of your husband's beautiful artworks.
And my replacement will reach out to him and commiserate and convince him to contest your husband's will.
At which point, your husband's estate will be tied up.
Well, it could be for years, decades, really.
And if this replacement of mine turns out to be this fella I'm thinking of, it could get really ugly.
For such a vague man, you've been extraordinarily clear, Mr.
Shore.
Yes, and here's the thing.
I just don't like the way these people operate around here.
It's just not right.
These photographs are yours to do with what you please, and you should get a fair market price.
So, before I simply give up and call it a day I'd like to ask you one question.
And what is that? What is your price? Have you made contact with Rachel? I did.
I told her I was a drug addict.
And? She took me to a narcotics anonymous meeting, told me that if I wanted to get clean, that I needed to work the program.
So, she's no longer using? No.
She's been clean for five years.
I mean, she's calm, rational, straightforward very down to earth, as a matter of fact.
Fine.
Thank you, Brad.
You know, Paul, for what it's worth, she really wants to have a relationship with you.
And I with her.
And you know what might help? Is if you showed her a littlie faith.
She might pick up on that.
I beg your pardon? Well, she says that sometimes, you can be very judgmental.
Brad while your efforts are fully appreciated, your advice to a father concerning his daughter is not.
You have no idea the years I've spent dealing with my daughter's illness.
So it would behoove you to be more circumspect.
I'm sorry.
That was over the line.
But, I mean, Paul, the truth is you've got.
Really, a hell of a daughter.
She's sweet, she's beautiful, nothing rattles her.
Even when she lost her ATM card I would've panicked.
But she was really cool.
What are you talking about? Oh, Rachel lost her ATM card.
So I loaned her 40 bucks.
Dad.
I had a lunch meeting nearby.
Well, how very impromptu of you, and unusual.
Yes, well people can change.
Yes, they can.
Come on in.
Can I get you something to drink? No, no, I I thought I would take Fiona to the aquarium if that's all right with you.
Yeah, I I pick her up from day care in 20 minutes.
Good, I'll go with you.
Sure.
May I use your bathroom? Through there.
You have a child.
A child! This is my house.
How long? You came here and you set me up.
You will not ruin her.
You have ruined everything and everyone you've ever come in contact with.
I hate you.
You will not do this to my granddaughter.
I hate you.
You bastard! Is counsel prepared to begin voir dire? We are, your honor.
The commonwealth may begin.
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm assistant district attorney Ginsberg.
Now as we begin to pick our potential jury members, I just want to get to know a bit about you.
First off, by a show of hands, how many of you have heard about this case on the news? I see.
And how many of you have seen opposing counsel Denny crane on the news? Juror number seven, can you tell us what opinions you've formed? I think people should be allowed to defend their homes.
Like Mr.
Crane said, if the guy didn't want to get hurt, he shouldn't have been robbing anyone.
Commonwealth challenges juror number seven for cause.
No objection, your honor.
Juror number seven, you are excused.
I've worked hard to become an American Homeowner.
If the guy tried to break into my place I'd do the same thing.
I'd want to kill the son of a bitch.
It's my right as an American Homeowner.
I may live in an apartment, but I still consider myselfan American Homeowner.
American homeowner.
American homeowner.
American homeowner.
American homeowner.
God bless America.
Your honor, with his television appearances and theatrics, Mr.
Crane has tainted the jury pool to such an extent that the commonwealth moves for a change of venue.
Denied, Mr.
Ginsberg.
You both have manipulated the media coverage of this case, only Mr.
Crane has done a better job of it.
You will play in the sandbox that you built.
Shirley, Blondie, join me.
I'm happy to inform you there's going to be a plea bargain in the American Homeowner case.
How do you know? Today, my office has indicted city councilman Adam Patrick on charges of accepting bribes and illegal campaign contributions.
He has agreed to surrender at his arraignment.
He's changing the narrative.
We're yesterday's news.
You got to hand it to him.
The guy's good.
He's creating his next reality.
I wonder what he's gonna put on the table.
No jail time.
How can you be so sure? Years of experience.
And he called a half an hour ago.
What are you going to do with those? I haven't decided.
You know the one where you're not quite sure what you're looking at, then you take a step back and realize what it is? That one may be going in the powder room.
Alan Tell you what I'll leave them to you when I die.
As things stand, I'm quite sure I'll pass on before you.
Show those pictures to anyone, and I'll see to it myself.
Shirley, I have no intention of sharing those with anyone.
I'm keeping you all to myself.
I give you my word.
You're one of the few people for whom I know that to be true.
Thank you.
No, thank you.
I understand congratulations are in order.
Never lost, never will.
I may not be the Denny Crane I once was, but until today, I didn't realize that this Denny Crane might be even better.
Opposing lawyers everywhere are quaking in their custom fitted shoes.
Damn right, they are.
So who cares if she Who cares You're still upset about Bev.
What I don't understand is, I was married to one of my wives for five years, got over her in a day.
Bev and I were married for three hours, and yet And yet? Do you know that I even have memories of her that aren't sexual? I'm sure you do.
I miss her.
I miss her.
Well, are the rumors true? You have naked photos of Shirley? Ah, come on.
What's the big deal? I've had naked photos of Shirley for years.
Denny, she's asleep in all these.
Here's one where she woke up.
Have you ever seen a beautiful, naked woman look that angry?