Boston Legal s05e05 Episode Script
The Bad Seed
PREVIOUSLY ON "BOSTON LEGAL" OH, YOU THINK YOU'LL WIN.
$50,000 SAYS YOU WON'T.
I'M NOT GOING TO BET YOU.
YOU KNOW YOU'LL LOSE.
I WON'T LOSE.
$50,000.
HE'S OUT OF CONTROL.
YOUR INDUSTRY IS OUT OF CONTROL.
YOU'VE BITTEN OFF MORE THAN YOU CAN CHEW THIS TIME, MY FRIEND.
OH, I DON'T SWALLOW.
I JUST CHEW UP AND SPIT OUT.
WE'LL SEE.
I KNOW EXACTLY HOW BIG AND POWERFUL YOU ARE, MR.
MATHIS.
IT MIGHT DO YOU SOME GOOD TO CHECK ME OUT.
- YOU'RE LOSING.
- I'M NOT LOSING.
OH, YES,YOU'RE LOSING.
DOUBLE IT? FINE.
IS IT NOT RED? THEY'RE ALWAYS RED IN THE MORNING.
SEE? YOU STAY OUT OF THIS.
I KNOW SALMONELLA WHEN I'VE GOT IT.
EXCUSE ME.
UH, MY--MY NAME'S JASON CANFIELD.
I'M LOOKING FOR MR.
POOLE.
AH, WELL, MR.
POOLE IS NOT, UH, HERE AT THE MOMENT.
OR THERE, FOR THAT MATTER.
MAY I HELP YOU? WELL, I WAS JUST PASSING BY YOUR BUILDING AND SAW THE SIGN, AND I NEED A LAWYER.
- SO HOW ABOUT CRANE? - UH, MR.
CRANE IS FUN.
YOU CAN ALWAYS TALK ABOUT HIM WHEN HE'S IN THE ROOM, WHICH IS A NICE, BUT I DON'T THINK HE'S YOUR MAN EITHER.
SO THAT LEAVES SCHMIDT.
I'M SCHMIDT.
LET'S GO TO MY OFFICE.
WHY WOULDN'T HE ASK FOR ME? AM I NOT T STAR OF THIS SHOW? YOU SEE YOUR NAME UP THERE? THIS IS NOT ABOUT HOW GOOD YOU ARE.
IT'S NOT? IT'S ALL ABOUT CREDIT.
THAT'S WHAT'S IMPORTANT IN LIFE.
CREDIT.
AND MONEY.
I THOUGHT IT WAS ALL ABOUT GETTING THE GIRL.
TELL ME IT'S VALUES, CARL.
IT'S ABOUT GETTING THE GIRL, RIGHT? MONEY.
- MONEY.
- SEX.
MONEY.
YOU CALL IT.
- SEX.
- MAYBE IT'S MONEY AND SEX.
- THEY GO TOGETHER.
ONE BEGETSCHE OTHER.
SEE? WE'RE NOT FIGHTING.
WE'RE IN SYNC.
I CAN'T BE SURE, BUT I THINK CARL WANTS TO BE IN SYNC, TOO.
BOSTON LEGAL S05 EP05 WAS HE KILLED IN IRAQ? NO, NO.
THEY PATCHED HIM UP OKAY THERE, BROUGHT HIM BACK.
HE DIED IN A HOSPITAL HERE.
THE DOCTOR KILLED HIM.
BUT I KNOW FOR A FACT TH THERE WAS MALACTICE, BECAUSE HE ADMITTED IT.
MR.
CANFIELD, I'VE TRIED A NUMBER OF MEDICAL MALPRACTICE CASES IN MY TIME.
I'VE YET TO RUN ACROSS A DOCTOR WHO ADMITTED HIS OR HER WRONGDOING.
YEAH, BUT THIS ONE DID.
IT--BUT I CAN'T SUE, BECAUSE IT HAPPENED IN A MILITARY HOSPITAL.
SOMETHING CALLED THE FERES DOCTRINE.
YOU HEARD OF THAT? YES IT--IT BASICALLY INSULATES MILITARY HOSPITALS AND THEIR STAFFS FROM LAWSUITS WHEN THE VICTIMS ARE ON ACTIVE DUTY.
MY BROTHER'S NOT ON ACTIVE DUTY ANYMORE, MS.
SCHMIDT.
HE'S DEAD.
I'M AFRAID THE DOCTRINE WOULD STILL APPLY.
SO THERE'S THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO? NOTHING? WELL BUT THE LAW IS CLEAR.
SOLDIERS ARE-- ALAN, I-I KNOW.
IT'S COMPLETELY UNWINNABLE.
IT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE TO TRY.
WHICH IS WHY I'VE COME TO YOU.
I'VE SO MISSED WATCHING THE BRAVE KNIGHT FIGHT THE WINDMILL.
IRLEY, THIS LAWSUIT IS BARRED.
THERE'S A SUPREME COURT CASE DIRECTLY ON POINT, AND IT'S NOT LIKE YOU TO WANT TO WASTE THE FIRM'S MONEY.
WHAT'S GOING ON? WHAT'S GOING ON IS, WHEN A MAN COMES IN OFF THE STREET WHOSE ONLY BROTHER HAS BEEN WRONGFULLY KILLED AND ASKS YOU FOR YOUR HELP, YOU HELP.
IT'S THAT SIMPLE.
YOU HELP.
WOULD IT BE THE PENTAGON, THEN? WELL, IT IT MIGHT.
ARE YOU CLOSE, YOU AND YOUR SISTER? WELL, MAINLY, SHE'D THROW ROCKS AT ME.
GOT IT.
SHE WAS A BIT OVERBEARING AND AND EXTREMELY PUNCTUAL.
SHE SHOULD BE HERE ANY-- HI.
HI.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THE DESK? JOY ESPENSON.
GET DOWN.
ARE YOU HIS GIRLFRIEND? NO, I JUST-- YOU'RE JUST WHAT, PURELY SEXUAL? JOY! THIS IS KATIE LLOYD, MY COLLEAGUE, A LAWYER.
YOU APOLOGIZE THIS INSTANT.
OKAY.
I'M HERE ABOUT YOUR NEPHEW HENRY.
I HAVE CONCERNS.
I NEED YOUR HELP.
WHAT CONCERNS? WELL, HE'S 15.
HE'S GOING THROUGH PUBERTY.
HE'S STARTING TO GET AN ACUTE INTEREST IN SEX.
ISN'T THAT NATURAL? AND HE MAY BE DATING HIS SISTER.
WHAT? YOU HEARD ME.
BUT HE'S AN ONLY CHILD.
WELL, HE IS OR HE ISN'T.
WE DON'T KNOW.
HE WAS CONCEIVED BY AN ANONYMOUS SPERM DONOR.
I HAVE AN EXCELLENT SEX LIFE SO LONG AS MEN DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE TO GET IN THE BEDROOM WITH ME.
ANYWAY,TURNS OUT FIONA, THAT'S THE GIRLFRIEND FIONA SHE WAS CONCEIVED BY AN ANONYMOUS SPERM DONOR.
IT ALSO TURNS OUT SHE'S THE SPITTING IMAGE OF HENRY.
I'M THINKING, WHAT ARE THE ODDS? ARE YOU WITH ME? TO BE HONEST, I'M STILL RECOVERING FROM THE GRIPPING APOLOGY.
I MET FIONA'S MOTHER.
WE BOTH USED THE SAME AGENCY MY GOD, WHAT IF? I MEAN, WHAT IF THEY FALL IN LOVE AND GET MARRIED AND START REPRODUCING? W-WELL, LET'S SIMPLY TAKE D.
N.
A.
SWABS AND-- D.
N.
A.
IS NOT CONCLUSIVE WITH HALF SIBLINGS.
COULD YOU SPEAK TO HIM? ME? HE LOVES YOU.
DOES SHE EVER SPEAK? I MUST SAY, WHEN I FIRST READ THE COMPLAINT, I COULDN'T DECIDE WHETHER IT WAS JUST LAUGHABLE OR NONSENSICAL.
NOW THAT I SEE WHO THE ATTORNEY IS, IT MAKES SENSE THAT IT'S LAUGHABLE.
WADE AND I GO BACK.
HE REPRESENTS THE PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES THAT ALMOST KILLED DENNY.
HOW'S THAT DISCOVERY GOING, BY THE WAY? IT MIGHT BE PROCEEDING MORE QUICKLY IF I WASN'T SIDETRACKED BY BASELESS, GROUNDLESS, FRIVOLOUS CLAIMS.
HE'S A BIG FAN OF ADJECTIVES.
YES, I GO BACK A LITTLE BIT WITH WADE AS WELL.
REALLY? THE HOSPITAL HAS ADMITTED COMTTING GROSS MISCONDUCT, WHICH CAUSED THE VICTIM'S DEATH.
BUT IT'S A MILITARY HOSPITAL.
THEY'RE IMMUNE.
FINE.
WE HAVE THE MERITS, YOU HAVE THE LEGAL TECHNICALITIES.
LET'S MEET SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE.
THE TECHNICALITY HERE IS THE TRUMP CARD.
THE SUPREMCOURT CLEARLY HELD YOU CAN'T TOUCH MILITARY HOSPITALS.
GAME OVER.
THAT RULING WAS 50 YEARS AGO.
THINGS CHANGE.
THINGS CHANGE? WILL THAT BE YOUR LEGAL ARGUMENT, THINGS CHANGE? I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW, TONY SCALIA IS PERSONAL FRIEND OF MINE, AND TRUST ME, HE HAS NO INTEREST WHATSOEVER IN WHAT ANY SUPREME COURT BEFORE HIM HAS SAID.
I DON'T KNOW WHY I EVEN BOTHERED TO COME OVER HERE.
BECAUSE YOU MISS ME, WADE.
HUG? WE'RE A NATION OF HUGGERS, YOU KNOW? WE WILL TAKE THIS TO COURT.
FINE.
DO THAT.
HAVE A LOVELY DAY.
WHAT? WE DON'T REALLY WANT IT TO END QUICKLY, DO WE? HE'S FUN.
I CERTAINLY UNDERSTAND YOUR CONCERNS.
BUT WE HAVE CONTRACTUAL AGREEMENTS ASSURING ABSOLUTE CONFIDENTIALITY WITH ALL OF OUR ANONYMOUS DONORS.
HE COULD BE DATING HIS SISTER.
JOY.
I APPRECIATE YOUR LEGAL OBLIGATIONS, BUT CONTRACTS CAN BE VITIATED ON GROUNDS OF PUBLIC POLICY.
AND YOUR PUBLIC POLICY ARGUMENT WOULD BE WHAT? HE'S DATING HIS SISTER! JOY.
- ARE THESE YOUR CHILDREN? - YES, THEY ARE.
YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL FAMILY.
I CAN SEE THEY EVEN LOOK LIKE YOU.
HENRY ESPENSON WONDERS WHOM HE LOOKS LIKE.
DO YOU REALLY THINK IT'S FAIR, MR.
CHISM, THAT HENRY'S RIGHT TO KNOW HIS GENETIC LINEAGE WAS SIMPLY CONTRACTED AWAY FROM HIM? MR.
ESPENS, WITHOUT ASSUNCE OF ANONYMITY, MANY SPERM DONORS WOULDN'T DONATE.
IT'S POSSIBLE HENRY MIGHT NOT EVEN EXIST.
AND IF WE WERE TO LOOK AT THE EQUATION AS BEST INTEREST OF THE SPERM DONOR, I'D SIDE WITH YOU, BUT SINCE COURTS TYPICALLY OPT FOR BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD-- AND HENRY WOULD BE BETTER OFF ON BORN? BELIEVE ME, MR.
ESPENSON, I'VE HEARD ALL THE ARGUMENTS.
AND AS I SAID, I DO SYMPATHIZE, BUT THERE IS NO WIGGLE ROOM ON THIS ONE.
WE WILL NOT LL YOU WHO THE SPERM DONOR IS.
ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, BUDDY, I'VE TRIED TO PLAY NICE HERE, BUT IF WE HAVE TO GO TO COURT, I'LL DO IT.
I'LL CLOSE YOUR DOORS, AND THEN YOU CAN LIQUIDATE ALL YOUR LITTLE TEST TUBES AND TURKEY BASTERS, YOUR PORN VIDEOS.
SEE THIS HERE? IT'S A CIGARETTE, BUB.
AND YOU CAN PUT IT OUT LIKE THIS, JUST SNUFF IT IN AN ASHTRAY, OR I CAN STOMP IT WITH MY SIZE-13 BOATS.
EITHER WAY, IT'S EXTINGUISHED, PAL.
WHETHER YOU WANT TO BE SNUFFED, STOMPED OR SUCKED DRY, WE CAN DO IT NICE, DO IT ROUGH.
HOW'S GONNA BE? JUST YES, SECURITY, PLEASE.
I AM NOT BEING A TRAITOR.
I'M SUPPORTING OUR TROOPS.
WHY AREN'T YOU? ISN'T THIS WAR COSTING US ENOUGH WITHOUT THE LAWYERS COMING IN-- OH, I DON'T WANT TO GET INTO THIS.
ALAN, I'M GONNA TELL YOU SOMETHING AND YOU NEED TO HEAR THIS-- AMERICA IS SICK OF BUSH BASHING.
ENOUGH ALREADY.
I'M NOT BASHING BUSH.
YOU'RE SUING THE MILITARY, WHICH IS THE PENTAGON, WHICH IS THE GOVERNMENT, WHICH IS BUSH.
IT ALL COMES DOWN TO BUSH.
DENNY, THIS ISN'T ABOUT BUSH.
THIS IS ABOUT THE TROOPS RISKING THEIR LIVES IN THE-- OH, PLEASE.
AFTER THE DEBACLE AT WALTER REED, YOU MUST BE KIDDING.
THESE KIDS ARE RETURNING WITH CATASTROPHIC WOUNDS.
WHO THE HELL IS LOOKING OUT FOR THEM, REALLY? NOT CONGRESS.
IT'S ONE YOU CAN'T WIN, ALAN.
SAYS WHO? SAYS LAW.
SAYS THE UNITED STATES SUPREME COURT.
SAYS $50,000.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T YOU WANT TO BET.
UH-HUH.
IF YOU INSIST ON BEING AN IDIOT, AT LEAST LET ME PROFIT FROM IT.
HAVE YOU NO SHAME WHATSOEVER? NONE.
ALL PROCEEDS TO GO THE TROOPS.
FINE.
FINE.
FINE.
THERE ARE REASONS FOR THIS DOCTRINE, MS.
SCHMIDT.
YES, YOUR HONOR, BAD ONES.
THESE KIDS FIGHT OUR WARS.
IT'S AN UNDUE BURDEN TO COMPENSATE THEM WHEN THEY'RE VICTIMS OF MEDICAL MALPRACTICE? THE SOLDIER IN QUESTION LOST HIS LIFE BECAUSE OF AN AVOIDABLE, NEGLIGENT HOSPITAL SCREWUP IT'S NOT JUST THE MONEY.
SUBJECTING THE MILITARY HOSPITALS TO DISCOVERY-- OH, COME ON.
MAY I FINISH? YOU DIDN'T LET ME FINISH.
YOUR HONOR, THIS GOES BEYOND BAD FAITH.
WE SEND THESE KIDS TO WAR, THEY COME BACK IN NEED OF MEDICAL CARE, OUR DOCTORS COMMIT MALPRACTICE, AND WE TELL THEM, "OOPS.
YOU CAN'T SUE BECAUSE OF A-A DOCTRINE THAT SELECTIVELY SINGLES OUT AND PUNISHES SOLDIERS"? I THOUGHT HE WAS THE SPEECH MAKER.
NO, TODAY YOU GOT ME.
AT LEAST LET ME CALL A WITNESS OR TWO.
MY CLIENT LOST HIS ONLY BROTHER.
IF HE CAN'T HAVE HIS DAY IN COURT, AT LEAST GIVE HIM AN HOUR.
ALL RIGHT.
I'LL ALLOW YOU TO CALL WITNESSES AS TO THE LEGALITY OF THE DOCTRINE.
YOUR HONOR, IF SHE DOESN'T LIKE THE LAW, HER RECOURSE IS THE LEGISLATURE, NOT A JUDGE.
WELL, THANK YOU, MR.
MATHIS.
I KNOW WHAT MY ROLE IS.
YOU STARTED SUCKING ON THE CIGARETTE? I-I THINK I GOT SOME WOOD FIBERS LODGED IN MY LUNGS.
WELL, WH-WHAT HAPPENED? WELL I JUST SAW MY SISTER LOOKING AT ME LIKE I WAS THIS BIG LOSER, THE WAY SHE DID GROWING UP.
DID SHE REALLY THROW ROCKS AT YOU? YES.
SHE THOUGHT IF A HARD OBJECT CAME HURTLING AT MY HEAD, I'D HAVE TO LIFT MY HANDS OFF MY THIGHS TO BLOCK IT.
SHE DOES LOVE ME IN HER WAY, BUT HER WAY SUCKS.
IT'S A PROP.
SO WHAT HAPPENS NOW WITH THE CASE? WELL, WE GO TO COURT, BUT FIRST, WE HAVE TO TELL HENRY.
HOW CAN I HELP? YOU CAN'T REALLY.
I NEED TO DO THIS CAN YOU? IT'S A PROP.
SOMETIMES I THINK ABOUT RETIRING, BUT WHAT WOULD I DO? I HATE GOLF.
I DON'T MUCH LIKE TO TRAVEL.
DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT RETIRING? NOT REALLY, AS LONG AS I CAN PRACTICE LAW ON MY OWN TERMS.
AND YOU'RE DOING THAT? STILL ABLE TO PUT YOUR JUDGMENTS IN QUESTION FORM, I SEE.
YOU KNOW, SHIRLEY, I'M STILL ON THE BOARD OF BAR OVERSEERS.
THERE'S A LOT OF TALK ABOUT YOUR FIRM LATELY.
IS THERE? YES, REGARDING ITS, UH SLIDE.
I WASN'T AWARE OF ANY SLIDE.
TWO OF YOUR NAME PARTNERS HAVE LOST THEIR MINDS, AND YOU WHAT ABOUT ME? I'VE KNOWN YOU A LONG TIME.
MAY I BE BRUTALLY HONEST? OH, PLEASE.
THIS ALAN SHORE IS DRAGGING YOU INTO THE SEWER.
IT'S NOW HIS THUMBPRINTS ALL OVER CRANE, POOLE & SCHMIDT, NOT YOURS.
HE'S UNSCRUPULOUS, HE'S DISRESPECTFUL TO OUR JUDICIARY, HE'S A BAD SEED, AND HIS REPUTATION IS RUNNING TO YOUR FIRM AS A WHOLE, TO YOU.
I SEE HIS INFLUENCE IN PLAY IN--IN THIS VERY CASE.
YOU BROUGHT A BASELESS, FRIVOLOUS CAUSE OF ACION BARRED BY LAW.
WHY? ARE YOU DONE? GO AHEAD.
LET ME HAVE IT.
I'M A BIG BOY.
I'VE PRACTICED A LONG TIME, WORKED WITH SOME OF THE HIGHEST-RANKING MEMBERS OF OUR PROFESSION-- I INCLUDE YOU AMONG THEM-- BUT I HAVE YET TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH A MORE SKILLED, MORE PRINCIPLED, MORE NOBLE ATTORNEY THAN ALAN SHORE.
IF HIS IS THE REPUTATION I'M TO BE SADDLED WITH, I WILL TAKE IT.
AND LUNCH IS OVER.
IF YOU WANT TO REJECT MY OPINION, THAT'S YOUR PREROGATIVE.
BUT HERE'S A FACT-- HE IS PUTTING YOUR FIRM IN PERIL.
BELIEVE ME WHEN I TELL YOU THAT.
JERRY, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HELPING ME TELL HIM.
I'M JUST SO AFRAID IF HE HEARS IT FROM ME, HE'LL HATE MY GUTS FOREVER.
HEY, MOM.
HI, UNCLE JERRY.
HENRY! HELLO.
WELCOME.
THIS COULD TAKE A WHILE.
IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
YOU, TOO.
THIS IS MY GIRLFRIEND FIONA.
I BROUGHT HER ALONG, IF THAT'S OKAY.
WE'RE KIND OF INSEPARABLE.
SO WHAT'S THE BIG MYSTERY? DID I INHERIT MONEY OR SOMETHING? DID MY BIRTH FATHER KEEL? HENRY.
SO REALLY, WHAT'S THE DEAL? LET'S GO INTO THE CONFERENCE ROOM WHERE WE ALL CAN SIT.
ARE YOU CURRENTLY SERVING IN THE MILITARY, SIR? NO, I'M A RETIRED CAPTAIN FOR THE U.
S.
ARMY.
I SERVED UNTIL LAST YEAR.
AND WHAT WERE YOUR PRIMARY RESPONSIBILITIES? FOR THE LAST NINE YEARS, I WAS MAINLY IN RECRUITING, GETTING YOUNG MEN TO ENLIST.
DID YOU RETIRE ON GOOD TERMS? NOT SO MUCH.
COULD YOU TELL US WHY? WELLIT WAS SUGGESTED I RETIRE AFTER I WAS A LITTLE TOO OUTSPOKEN ON WHAT I PERCEIVED AS A BACKDOOR DRAFT.
UM, WHEN YOU SAY "BACKDOOR DRAFT"-- I MEAN WE TARGET THE POOR.
NO ONE LIKES TO SAY IT PUBLICLY, BUT THAT'S WHAT WE DO.
AND YOU TARGET LOW-INCOME YOUTH BECAUSE? THEY NEEDED THE MONEY.
MOST KIDS DON'T WANT TO GO OFF AND FIGHT WARS IF THEY CAN AVOID IT, SO WE HONE IN ON THE KIDS WITHOUT OPTIONS.
THE POOR.
THE POOR.
WE SET UP OUR RECRUITMENT STATIONS IN THE POOR NEIGHBORHOOD MALLS AND IN THE POOR HIGH SCHOOLS.
I'M SORRY.
CAN YOU AT LEAST TELL ME THE CONNECTION TO THIS CASE? IT GOES TO FAIRNESS, MR.
MATHIS.
WE GO AFTER THE LOWEST ECONOMIC DEMOGRAPHIC IN OUR SOCIETY TO FIGHT OUR WARS.
THESE KIDS ARE RISKING THEIR LIVES OUT OF FINANCIAL DURESS.
- THEY HAVE-- - I'M SORRY, MS.
SCHMIDT.
THIS IS AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT ISSUE.
THIS WITNESS IS DISALLOWED.
YOUR HONOR, I WOULD LIKE YOU TO UNDERSTAND THE CONTEXT OF THIS-- NO.
WE'RE GONNA STAY ON ISSUE.
NOW IF YOU'VE GOT A WITNESS WHO CAN TALK OUT THIS CASE OR THE DOCTRINE ITSELF, I'LL LISTEN.
OTHERWISE, THIS WITNESS IS DISALLOWED.
NOW WHO ELSE DO YOU HAVE? YES, I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR FROM THE DOCTOR WHO TREATED MY CLIENT'S BROTHER.
DEFENSE STIPULATED THAT HE COMMITTED AN AVOIDABLE ERROR RISING TO THE LEVEL OF MALPRACTICE.
I'D LIKE TO HEAR FROM HIM ALL THE SAME SINCE-- THERE'S NO POINT HERE FROM THE DOCTOR UNLESS YOU'RE TRYING TO MANIPULATE ME WITH EITHER HORROR OR OTION, NEITHER OF WHICH INFORMS US OF THE LEGITIMACY OR THE LAWFULNESS OF THE FERES DOCTRINE.
YOUR HONOR, CERTAINLY YOU'RE ALLOWED TO BE HORRIFIED BY THE FACTS IN THIS CASE.
THE DOCTOR IS DISALLOWED.
IN ORDER TO FULLY APPRECIATE THIS DOCTRINE AND ITS CAPRICIOUS APPLICATION, YOUR HONOR NEEDS TO HEAR TEST-- OH, WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU'VE--YOU'VE WASTED ENOUGH OF MY TIME ALREADY.
I'D LIKE TO HEAR SUMMATIONS FROM COUNSEL IN THIS COURT TOMORROW AT 10:00 A.
M.
, AND THEN I'LL RULE.
IN THE MEANTIME, I'D LIKE TO SEE COUNSEL IN MY CHAMBERS.
WELL IT, UM, UH, MIGHT BE BEST IF THIS CONVERSATION WERE-- WERE PRIVATE.
MOM, WHATEVER IT IS, I'M GONNA TELL FIONA.
E'S MY SOUL MATE.
OKAY.
WELL THE THING IS, HENRY TELL HIM.
WELL, HENRY, HELLO.
WELCOME.
THIS IS A LITTLE BIT ABOUT YOUR BIRTH FATHER, ACTUALLY.
- DID HE CROAK? - NO.
NO, NO, NO.
WELL, WE HAVE NO WAY OF KNOWING ONE WAY OR ANOTHER SINCE WE HAVE NO IAVA WHO HE EVEN IS.
FIONA'S BORN DOWN A BABY TOO IT'S ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS WE BONDED OVER.
YES, IN FACT, YOU'RE NOT JUST SPERM-DONOR BABIES.
BUT YOU BOTH COME FROM THE SAME SPERM BANK, ACTUALLY.
REALLY? COOL.
YOU SEE? WE'RE SO MUCH ALIKE.
M-MORE ALIKE THAN YOU MIGHT IMAGINE.
IT'S POSSIBLE YOU CAME FROM THE SAME SPERM DONOR.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WELL YOU MAY HAVE UM THE SAME BIRTH FATHER.
THE ODDS ARE AGAINST IT, OF COURSE, BUT THERE'S A WEE CHANCE THAT UH, FIONA IS YOUR HALF SISTER.
THAT--IT CAN'T BE.
I-I--I'M SURE IT ISN'T, BUT, UH, UM, IT MIGHT BE.
THAT--IT CAN'T BE.
I-I--I'M SURE IT ISN'T, BUT, UH, UM, IT MIGHT BE.
HOW CAN WE KNOWFOR SURE? WELL THAT'S THE THING.
UH, WE CAN'T.
WE'RE TRYING, BUT SO FAR WE CAN'T.
I HAVE BEEN INFORMED THAT COUNSEL HAS BEEN WAGERING ON THIS CASE.
IS THAT TRUE? THAT IS ABSOLUTELY FALSE.
MR.
SHORE - WHAT ABOUT YOU? - ME? I'VE BEEN INFORMED THAT YOU AND DENNY CRANE HAVE A SIDE BET FOR $50,000.
IS THAT TRUE? - WELL - ALAN? PROCEEDS GO TO THE TROOPS.
I NEVER BET ON BASEBALL, AND I BET WE'D WIN HERE, SO IT'S NOT AS IF I'M THROWING ANYTHING HERE.
BUT A SENIOR PARTNER IN YOUR FIRM-- DENNY AND I HAVE THESE LITTLE SIDE BETS ALL THE TIME.
IT'S NOT LIKE THAT ANSWER REMOTELY HELPED ME.
I LIED ABOUT THAT ACTUALLY.
DENNY AND I DON'T BET ALL THE TIME.
I NEVER BET.
I JUST LIE.
MY THERAPIST RECOMMENDS THAT I LIE TO GET PAST THE GAMBLING PROBLEM.
WELL, I'M RECOMMENDING YOU FOR DISBARMENT AS SOON AS THIS CASE IS THROUGH.
ALL RIGHT.
SUMMATION, - YOU TOLD THE JUDGE? - WHAT? ABOUT OUR BET.
YOU TOLD THE JUDGE.
I DID NO SUCH THING.
WELL, HE KNOWS, DENNY.
HOW WOULD HE KNOW? DON'T ASK ME.
YOU NEVER SAID ANYTHING TO ANYBODY? WELL, I-I MIGHT HAVE MENTIONED IT TO THE CLERK IN PASSING.
- I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
- CALM DOWN.
YOU SABOTAGED A CASE OF THIS FIRM SO YOU COULD WIN A BET? YOU SABOTAGED ME.
- KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN.
- I WILL NOT KEEP MY VOICE DOWN.
YOU SOLD ME OUT.
I'M UP FOR DISBARMENT NOW.
- YOU MIGHT BE, TOO.
- I'LL MAKE A FEW CALLS.
DENNY, WE WAGERED ON A CASE.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW UNETHICAL THAT IS? WELL, IT'S NOT LIKE WE BET ON BASEBALL.
YOU DID THIS TO ME, TO YOUR BEST FRIEND.
WINNING A BET IS MY GOD.
SHE LOOKS MAD.
OF ALL THE THINGS YOU HAVE DONE NEVER MIND THE ILLEGALITY OF IT, THE INSENSITIVITY A SOLDIER LOST HIS LIFE.
- SHIRLEY-- - THERE IS NO EXCUSE, ALAN.
I WASN'T ABOUT TO OFFER ANY.
IT WAS STUPID.
WE NEVER SHOULD HAVE DONE IT.
IF I THOUGHT IT WOULD HAVENY BEARING ON THE CASE, I NEVER W-- OF COURSE IT HAS BEARING.
THE JUDGE NOW TAKES OUR CASE MUCH LESS SERIOUSLY BEC-- WHICH WAS OBVIOUSLY DENNY'S PLAN, WHICH IS WHY HE TOLD THE CLERK.
OH, SURE.
SELL ME OUT.
YOU SOLD ME OUT.
YOU BETRAYED ME.
YOU BOTH BETRED ME AND THIS FIRM AND THE CLIENT.
YOU SICKEN ME, BOTH OF YOU.
MAYBE I SHOULDN'T HAVE TOLD.
MAYBE?! YOU RISKED EVERYTHING.
OUR FRIENDSHIP, OUR TRUST, OUR NIGHTS ON THE BALCONY-- YOU PUT A STUPID BET BEFORE IT ALL.
I MEAN--YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T CARE.
I'M DONE.
WE'RE DONE.
- ALAN.
- I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT YOU.
SO THIS ISN'T Y KIND OF IN VITRO FACILITY OR-- NO, YOUR HONOR.
IT'S SIMPLY A BANK.
PEOPLE BUY AND SELL SPERM.
AND DO PEOPLE BUY AND SELL A LOT OF IT, OR HAS THE WEAKENED AMERICAN DOLLAR TAKEN ITS TOLL THERE AS WELL? YOUR HONOR, I CERTAINLY HOPE YOU'RE NOT FINDING HUMOR IN THIS.
THE CONSEQUENCES HERE ARE POTENTIALLY DIRE.
LOOK, THE ODDS OF TWO PEOPLE FROM THE SAME DONOR MEETING ARE-- NOT PREPOSTEROUS.
MANY DONORS DONATE BUCKETS OF SPERM OVER TIME.
IN FACT, WITH DESIGNER BABIES AND GENETIC ENGINEERING BEING THE NEW MUST-HAVE FOR WEALTHY FAMILIES, MANY PROSPECTIVE PARENTS GO LOOKING FOR THAT ATHLETIC GOOD-LOOKING MAN WITH THE IVY LEAGUE DEGREE.
THERE ARE SOME DONORS WHO HAVE SIRED MORE OFFSPRING THAN SECRETARIAT.
IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE TWO PEOPLE FROM THE SAME SEED HOOK UP.
CROWN CRYOBANK FOLLOWS THE GUIDELINES RECOMMENDED BY THE AMERICAN SOCIETY FOR REPRODUCTIVE MEDICINE TO SPECIFICALLY GUARD AGAINST THE POSSIBILITY OF CONSANGUINITY.
BUT IT CAN HAPPEN.
LOOKING AT THESE TWO KIDS, YOU CAN SEE THE POSSIBILITY.
YOUR HONOR, IF I MAY, WE LIMIT THE NUMBER OF LIVE BIRTHS PER DONOR TO 25 PER POPULATION OF 800,000.
BUT YOU HAVE NO MEANS OF ACTUALLY TRACKING THAT NUMBER.
THERE'S NO OBLIGATION FOR THE WOMEN TO TELL YOU THE RESULTSLT OF THE PURCHASED SPERM ONCE IT LEAVES THE DEPOT.
WE HAVE BINDING CONTRACTS WITH OUR DONORS.
BUT IF YOU TALK TO ADOPT CHILDREN?? THEY WILL TELL YOU THERE IS A NEED.
EVEN THE--THE ONES RAISED BY LOVING ADOPTIVE FAMILIES, THERE IS A FUNDAMENTAL, PERHAPS EVEN PRIMAL NEED, TO KNOW WHO AND WHERE THEY CAME FROM.
AND THESE CONTRACTS SAY, "NO, SORRY, SPERM DONORS' PRIVACY COUNTS MORE.
" THAT'S WRONG.
PARENTS HAVE ALWAYS TREATED CHILDREN LIKE CHATTEL, LIKE ACQUISITIONS, BUT THIS THE U.
K.
PASSED A LAW ENDING THE PRACTICE OF DONATING SPERM ANONYMOUSLY.
FERTILITY CLINICS STARTED TO DRY UP.
SOME HAVE NO SPERM AT ALL.
DESPERATE PARENTS LOSE OUT.
ALL RIGHT.
I THINK I KNOW THE ARGUMENTS.
YES, SON? I JUST WANT TO SAY, JUDGE, NOBODY EVER CONSULTED ME.
NOW IF I WANT TO KNOW WHERE I CAME FROM, WHO MY BIRTH FATHER IS, DOES CANCER RUN IN THE FAMILY, ARE THERE ANY OTHER DISEASES I MIGHT BE MORE LIKELY TO GET, DO I HAVE ANY BROTHERS OR SISTERS, IS THERE ANYBODY ELSE OUT THERE WHO LOOKS LIKE ME-- I DON'T GET TO KNOW ANY OF THAT BECAUSE BEFORE I WAS BORN, SOME PEOPLE ENTERED INTO A CONTRACT.
I'M SORRY.
GO TELL SOMEONE WHO'S INRESTED.
I'M WORKING ON MY SUMMATION.
- ALAN, I-- - GET OUT.
YOU DON'T DO SOMETHING LIKE SORRY ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH.
ALAN I'M SLIPPING.
WHAT WOULD EVER POSSESS ME TO-- I MEAN, I DO CRAZY THINGS, BUT I-I ALWAYS KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
MY JUDGMENT ON THIS WAS I KNOW I'M SLIPPING.
I'M SO, SO SORRY.
FOR ME TO HAVE DONE THIS TO THE PERSON I LOVE MOST IS WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME? NOTHING'S HAPPENING TO YOU.
YES, IT IS.
I'M NOT SURE.
MAYBE I SHOULDN'T PRACTICE ANYMORE.
LOOK, DON'T OVERREACT.
I TOLD THE CLERK OF A SITTING JUDGE WE HAD A BET ON THE CASE.
IF I'M GOING DOWN, I--I'M NOT TAKING YOU DOWN WITH ME.
IT'S TIME I QUIT.
IF YOU QUIT WORK, DENNY, YOUR BRAIN WILL SHRIVEL UP TO THE SIZE OF A SMALL RAISIN, AND YOU SURELY WILL DIE.
HAVE YOU BVEFEELING OTHER SYMPTOMS LATELY? SOMETIMES I FEEL A LITTLE FOGGY AND I DON'T SEEM TO ALWAYS GET THINGS.
- FOR EXAMPLE? - OBAMA.
ANOTHER EXAMPLE.
THE PATRIOTS LOSING TO THE GIANTS.
YOU'RE COVERING.
THE IDEA OF NOT HAVING YOU-- YOU WILL NEVER NOT HAVE ME.
YOU SAID WE WERE DONE.
I WAS ANGRY, DENNY.
I'LL GET BY IT.
OUR FRIENDSHIP WILL SURVIVE AN ACT OF POOR JUDGMENT.
- REALLY? - REALLY.
IF YOU WANT TO CALL OFF THE BET-- I HAVE NO INREST IN DOING THAT.
I PLAN ON WINNG.
- DOUBLE IT? - DONE.
DON'T TELL.
I WON'T.
THANk YOU, ALAN.
YOU FORGIVE, I FORGET-- WE MAKE A GOOD TEAM.
YES.
WE'RE A VERY GOOD TEAM.
ALL RIGHT.
LOOK, WHEN I GREW UP, IT WAS RELATIVELY RARE TO MEET A PERSON WHO WAS ADOPTED.
TODAY ADOPTION IS COMMONPLACE, AS ARE MULTICULTURAL FAMILIES.
GENEALOGY IS ALMOST CONSIDERED IRRELEVANT.
BUT IT IS RELEVANT.
PEOPLE DO WANT TO KNOW THEIR GENETIC HISTORY, WHETHER IT IS FOR MEDICAL REASONS OR JUST, WELL, TO FEEL COMPLETE AS ONE ADOPTED FRIEND RECENTLY TOLD ME.
I AGREE WITH MR.
ESPENSON.
WE CANNOT ALLOW A CONTRACT TO USURP THE AUTONOMY OF THE CHILD.
THE CURRENT LAWS ARE ANYTHING BUT CURRENT, AND THEY NEED TO BE REEXAMINED.
IN THE MEANTIME, I AM NOT ORDERING THE DEFENDANT TO TELL THE PLAINTIFF THE IDENTITY OF HIS BIOLOGICAL FATHER.
BUT I AM ORDERING YOU TO TELL HIM IF HE AND HIS GIRLFRIEND COME FROM THE ME SPERM DONORRM YOU HAVE MY RULING.
WE ARE ADJOURNED.
SO WHAT HAPPENS NOW? WELL, WE AT LEAST FIND OUT IF YOU TWO ARE RELATED.
HOW LONG WILL THAT TAKE? I WOULD THINK WE'D KNOW TODAY.
GOOD WORK, JERRY.
I'M VERY IMPRESSED.
IT ISN'T JUST THE UNDUE ECONOMIC BURDEN ON THE GOVERNMENT, YOUR HONOR, THOUGH THAT ALONE WOULD BE CRIPPLING.
But the SUBJECT S THE MILITARY HOSPITALS TO DISCOVERY? THAT COULD RESULT IN THE FREE TRADE OF MILITARY SECRETS.
IT COULD COMPROMISE MILITARY DISCIPLINE.
REPRESENTATIVE DUNCAN HUNTER, A MEMBER OF THE HOUSE ARMED SERVICES COMMITTEE AND A FORMER FIGHTER PILOT-- CONSIDER WHAT HE SAID-- "THE FERES DOCTRINE REPRESENTS A REASONABLE APPROACH "TO ENSURING THAT LITIGATION DOES NOT INTERFERE "WITH THE OBJECTIVES AND READINESS OUR NATION'S MILITARY.
" YOU KNOW, AND THINK OF IT? DO WE REALLY WANT OUR MILITARY PERSONNEL BOGGED DOWN IN DEPOSITIONS AND MOTIONS WHILE WE'RE TRYING TO FIGHT A WAR? AND FINALLY, YOUR HONOR,??? MILITARY HOSPITALS TEND TO DEAL WITH HIGH VOLUME, AND AS MR.
SHORE NOTED, MANY CATASTROPHIC WOUNDS.
WE WANT THESE KIDS GETTING TREATMENT.
THE LAST THING WE NEED IS FOR DOCTORS TO BE BALKING OUT OF FEAR OF GETTING SUED.
IF YOU TAKE AWAY THIS IMMUNITY, THE REALITY IS, YOU'LL LOSE DOCTORS, AND OUR KIDS WON'T GET THE MEDICAL TREATMENT THEY'VE EARNED AND DESERVE.
LAWYERS LOVE TO SUE.
IT'S WHAT WE DO.
IT'S HOW WE HEAT OUR POOLS.
BUT SOMETIMES WE HAVE TO PUT OUR COUNTRY FIRST.
AND FAILING THAT, HOW ABOUT YOU PUT OUR TROOPS FIRST? AH.
IT'S SURPRISING TO HAVE TO EXPLAIN THE RUDIMENTS OF OUR LEGAL SYSTEM TO OPPOSING COUNSEL, BUT I AM NOT SUING ANYONE.
MY CLIENT IS SUING BECAUSE HIS BROTHER, A SOLDIER, WAS KILLED BY A MILITARY HOSPITAL.
BY THE WAY, THERE ARE NO POOLS BEING HEATED HERE.
I DON'T HAVE ONE, AND AS FOR MY CLIENT, HE SHOULD BE SO LUCKY TO HAVE A HOUSE, LET ALONE A POOL.
ALTHOUGH I'M SURE HE'D PREFER TO HAVE HIS BROTHER.
PRIVATE RICHARD CANFIELD WAS IN THE FORT WAYNE MILITARY HOSPITAL GETTING BASIC FOLLOW-UP TREATMENT FOR WOUNDS SUSTAINED IN IRAQ, WOUNDS HE WAS HEALING FROM NICELY.
HE BEGAN TO HAVE TROUBLE BREATHING DUE TO AN ADVERSE REACTION TO MEDICINE HE WAS MISTAKENLY GIVEN.
THE DOCTOR THEN INSERTED A BREATHING TUBE INCORRECTLY AND PROCEEDEPROC PUMP AI P INTO HIS STOMACH.
BY THE TIME THEY FIGURED OUT THEIR MISTAKE 15 MINUTES LATER, PRIVATE CANFIELD HAD SEVERE BRAIN DAMAGE.
THREE DAYS LATER, HE DIED.
NONE OF THIS IS IN DISPUTE.
HAD THIS SAME MALPRACTICE HAPPENED TO ME OR YOU, OUR ESTATES WOULD RECEIVE MILLION-DOLLAR SETTLEMENTS.
BUT BECAUSE PRIVATE CANFIELD WAS A G.
I.
, NOT A NICKEL.
APPARENTLY, WE CAN ALL LIVE WITH THAT.
THIS FERES DOCTRINE IS AS UNFAIR AS IT IS PATENTLY LUDICROUS.
THERE IS NO DANGER OF REVEALING MILITARY SECRETS.
DISCOVERY WOULD ONLY GO TO MEDICAL RECORDS.
AND FRANKLY, I AM MYSTIFIED AS TO HOW THIS COULD POSSIBLY AFFECT MILITARY DISCIPLINE.
WOULD THE TROOPS SUDDENLY STOP SALUTING OR BEGIN MARCHING IN CROOKED LINES? AND AS FOR THE SUPPOSED BURDEN ON THE GOVERNMENT, YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME.
WHAT ABOUT PRIVATE CANFIELD'S HORRIFIC ORDEAL? NOT TO MENTION THE OBVIOUS FACT THAT WHILE OUR GOVERNMENT WILL UNDOUBTEDLY SURVIVE, PRIVATE CANFIELD DID NOT.
I WOULD SAY TO YOU, YOUR HONOR, THESE ARE OUR KIDS WHO ARE DYING.
BUT IT'S NOT REALLY OUR KIDS, IS IT? NOT FOR THE MOST PART.
IT'S THE POOR PEOPLE'S KIDS.
AND THE DIRTY LITTLE SECRET, SOME MIGHT SAY WINDFALL, OF OUR RECORD POVERTY AND DISPARITY OF WEALTH IS THAT WE'VE GOT PLENTY OF POOR PEOPLE WITH KIDS TO FIGHT OUR WARS.
I'M SORRY, BUT I'M OFFENDED BY THAT.
ARE YOU, REALLY? HOW ABOUT A REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE WHO OPPOSES EDUCATIONAL BENEFITS FOR G.
I.
s SO AS NOT TO ENCOURAGE TROOPS TO LEAVE THE MILITARY? KEEP THEIR OPTIONS LIMITED.
DOES THAT OFFEND YOU? HOW ABOUT ALL THE WAR PROFITEERING BY THE RICH? HOW ABOUT THE FACT THAT WHILE AN ARMY SERGEANT GETS AN ANNUAL SALARY OF $70,000, PRIVATE SECURITY GUARDS HIRED BY BLACKWATER AND DYNCORP GET $400,000 TO $500,000, DOES THAT OFFEND YOU? ALL KINDS OF WONDERFUL, LUCRATIVE DEALS CAN HAPPEN IN WAR, BUT FOR THE G.
I.
s, WE'VE GOT THE FERES DOCTRINE, WHICH MEANS WHEN A G.
I.
IS KILLED BY HOSPITAL NEGLIGENCE OR EVEN DELIBERATELY BY A DOCTOR, NOT A NICKEL.
HOW CAN THIS NOT SHOCK OUR NATIONAL CONSCIENCE? THE MEDIA GIVES IT LITTLE IF ANY SHRIFT.
MR.
MATHIS CLEARLY DOESN'T CARE.
AND ME? HELL, I EVEN PLACED A BET ON THE CASE.
HOW CAN IT BE THAT WE DON'T MUCH CARE? MAYBE BECAUSE IT'S NOT OUR KIDS WHO ARE DYING.
IT'S THE POOR PEOPLE'S.
YES.
YES, THAT'S FINE.
I'LL WAIT.
I'M ON HOLD.
THEY HAVE THE ANSWER? IT SEEMS SO.
IT'S GOING TO BE FINE.
I READ A STUDY.
PEOPLE ARE ATTRACTED TO OTHER PEOPLE WHO LOOK LIKE THEM.
IT'S NOT UNUSUAL FOR US TO RESEMBLE EACH OTHER.
YES.
THANK YOU.
WELL? YOU HAVE THE SAME SPERM DONOR.
I'M SORRY.
THIS ISN'T FAIR.
I'M SO SORRY.
ALL RISE.
BE SEATED.
I'M ALLOWING THE PLAINTIFF'S CASE TO STAND.
YOUR HONOR, THE PRECEDENT SET BY THE FERES DOCTRINE-- THE FERES DOCTRINE IS NO LONGER APPLICABLE IN TODAY'S WORLD.
WELL, IN THAT CASE, the REMEDY IS THE LEGISLATURE.
I DISAGREE, COUNSELOR.
THIS DOCTRINE UNFAIRLY VICTIMIZES THE POOR.
THERE ARE FAR MORE RICH PEOPLE REGISTERED TO VOTE THAN POOR PEOPLE.
THIS WILL NEVER GET FIXED BY AN ELECTABLE LEGISLATURE, NEVER.
- YOUR HONOR-- - I'M ALLOWING THE CASE TO STAND.
WE ARE ADJOURNED.
WELL WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? IT MEANS FOR NOW, YOU STILL GET TO SUE.
HOPEFULLY WE CAN SETTLE IT QUICKLY.
THANK YOU.
I'LL SCHEDULE A MEETING WITH OPPOSING COUNSEL, AND WE'LL SEE WHERE IT GOES.
I'LL LET YOU KNOW.
SHIRLEY, I APOLOGIZE AGAIN FOR ANY EMBARRASSMENT THAT-- OKAY.
SHE'LL FORGIVE US.
IT SOUNDS LIKE SHE'S ALREADY HALFWAY THERE.
WHAT MAKES YOU SAY THAT? WELL, SHIRLEY HAS NO TROUBLE EXPRESSING HER DISPLEASURE.
BUT WHEN SHE SAYS NOTHING OR WALKS AWAY IN SILENCE, IT'S LIKE SHE'S SAYING, "I'M STILL ANGRY, BUT I'LL FORGIVE YOU.
" WILL YOU REALLY FORGIVE ME? I DID ALREADY.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY SAID THAT TO THE CLERK.
PROMISE ME SOMETHING-- WHEN I DO SOMETHING CRAZY, YOU'LL TELL ME.
OKAY, LET'S START WITH DOUBLING THE BET.
OH, RIGHT.
YEAH.
AT LEAST TELL ME IT'S GOING TO A GOOD CAUSE, LIKE A HOOKER.
IT'S GOING TO THE TROOPS.
REMEMBER? OH, RIGHT, YES.
I FEEL BETTER NOW.
YOU OKAY, DENNY? OH, YEAH.
YOU REALLY YELLED AT ME.
I JUST LOST MY TEMPER.
I'M OVER IT.
YOU KNOW WHAT'S LONG OVERDUE? YOU AND ME ON A ROAD TRIP.
A ROAD TRIP.
MAYBE WE SHOULD GO TO ROME, OR THE BALCONY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE BUILDING.
YEAH, I'VE GOT IT.
A DUDE RANCH.
A DUDE RANCH? IT'S HORSES AND--AND SHEEP AND FRESH AIR AND SHEEP.
LET'S GO WEST, TO THE WILD WEST.
I DON'T REALLY LIKE HORSES.
HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE HORSES? YOU JUST LEAVE IT TO ME.
I'LL MAKE ALL THE ARRANGEMENTS.
WE'LL HAVE CAMPFIRES AND MARSHMALLOWS AND TENTS AND SHEEP.
ME AND YOU AND FRESH AIR WOULD DO US BOTH GOOD.
THAT IS WHAT WE NEED.
THANK YOU FOR BEING THANK YOU.
I DON'T THINK YOU'RE SLIPPING, DENNY.
I REALLY DON'T.
OKAY.
$50,000 SAYS YOU WON'T.
I'M NOT GOING TO BET YOU.
YOU KNOW YOU'LL LOSE.
I WON'T LOSE.
$50,000.
HE'S OUT OF CONTROL.
YOUR INDUSTRY IS OUT OF CONTROL.
YOU'VE BITTEN OFF MORE THAN YOU CAN CHEW THIS TIME, MY FRIEND.
OH, I DON'T SWALLOW.
I JUST CHEW UP AND SPIT OUT.
WE'LL SEE.
I KNOW EXACTLY HOW BIG AND POWERFUL YOU ARE, MR.
MATHIS.
IT MIGHT DO YOU SOME GOOD TO CHECK ME OUT.
- YOU'RE LOSING.
- I'M NOT LOSING.
OH, YES,YOU'RE LOSING.
DOUBLE IT? FINE.
IS IT NOT RED? THEY'RE ALWAYS RED IN THE MORNING.
SEE? YOU STAY OUT OF THIS.
I KNOW SALMONELLA WHEN I'VE GOT IT.
EXCUSE ME.
UH, MY--MY NAME'S JASON CANFIELD.
I'M LOOKING FOR MR.
POOLE.
AH, WELL, MR.
POOLE IS NOT, UH, HERE AT THE MOMENT.
OR THERE, FOR THAT MATTER.
MAY I HELP YOU? WELL, I WAS JUST PASSING BY YOUR BUILDING AND SAW THE SIGN, AND I NEED A LAWYER.
- SO HOW ABOUT CRANE? - UH, MR.
CRANE IS FUN.
YOU CAN ALWAYS TALK ABOUT HIM WHEN HE'S IN THE ROOM, WHICH IS A NICE, BUT I DON'T THINK HE'S YOUR MAN EITHER.
SO THAT LEAVES SCHMIDT.
I'M SCHMIDT.
LET'S GO TO MY OFFICE.
WHY WOULDN'T HE ASK FOR ME? AM I NOT T STAR OF THIS SHOW? YOU SEE YOUR NAME UP THERE? THIS IS NOT ABOUT HOW GOOD YOU ARE.
IT'S NOT? IT'S ALL ABOUT CREDIT.
THAT'S WHAT'S IMPORTANT IN LIFE.
CREDIT.
AND MONEY.
I THOUGHT IT WAS ALL ABOUT GETTING THE GIRL.
TELL ME IT'S VALUES, CARL.
IT'S ABOUT GETTING THE GIRL, RIGHT? MONEY.
- MONEY.
- SEX.
MONEY.
YOU CALL IT.
- SEX.
- MAYBE IT'S MONEY AND SEX.
- THEY GO TOGETHER.
ONE BEGETSCHE OTHER.
SEE? WE'RE NOT FIGHTING.
WE'RE IN SYNC.
I CAN'T BE SURE, BUT I THINK CARL WANTS TO BE IN SYNC, TOO.
BOSTON LEGAL S05 EP05 WAS HE KILLED IN IRAQ? NO, NO.
THEY PATCHED HIM UP OKAY THERE, BROUGHT HIM BACK.
HE DIED IN A HOSPITAL HERE.
THE DOCTOR KILLED HIM.
BUT I KNOW FOR A FACT TH THERE WAS MALACTICE, BECAUSE HE ADMITTED IT.
MR.
CANFIELD, I'VE TRIED A NUMBER OF MEDICAL MALPRACTICE CASES IN MY TIME.
I'VE YET TO RUN ACROSS A DOCTOR WHO ADMITTED HIS OR HER WRONGDOING.
YEAH, BUT THIS ONE DID.
IT--BUT I CAN'T SUE, BECAUSE IT HAPPENED IN A MILITARY HOSPITAL.
SOMETHING CALLED THE FERES DOCTRINE.
YOU HEARD OF THAT? YES IT--IT BASICALLY INSULATES MILITARY HOSPITALS AND THEIR STAFFS FROM LAWSUITS WHEN THE VICTIMS ARE ON ACTIVE DUTY.
MY BROTHER'S NOT ON ACTIVE DUTY ANYMORE, MS.
SCHMIDT.
HE'S DEAD.
I'M AFRAID THE DOCTRINE WOULD STILL APPLY.
SO THERE'S THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO? NOTHING? WELL BUT THE LAW IS CLEAR.
SOLDIERS ARE-- ALAN, I-I KNOW.
IT'S COMPLETELY UNWINNABLE.
IT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE TO TRY.
WHICH IS WHY I'VE COME TO YOU.
I'VE SO MISSED WATCHING THE BRAVE KNIGHT FIGHT THE WINDMILL.
IRLEY, THIS LAWSUIT IS BARRED.
THERE'S A SUPREME COURT CASE DIRECTLY ON POINT, AND IT'S NOT LIKE YOU TO WANT TO WASTE THE FIRM'S MONEY.
WHAT'S GOING ON? WHAT'S GOING ON IS, WHEN A MAN COMES IN OFF THE STREET WHOSE ONLY BROTHER HAS BEEN WRONGFULLY KILLED AND ASKS YOU FOR YOUR HELP, YOU HELP.
IT'S THAT SIMPLE.
YOU HELP.
WOULD IT BE THE PENTAGON, THEN? WELL, IT IT MIGHT.
ARE YOU CLOSE, YOU AND YOUR SISTER? WELL, MAINLY, SHE'D THROW ROCKS AT ME.
GOT IT.
SHE WAS A BIT OVERBEARING AND AND EXTREMELY PUNCTUAL.
SHE SHOULD BE HERE ANY-- HI.
HI.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THE DESK? JOY ESPENSON.
GET DOWN.
ARE YOU HIS GIRLFRIEND? NO, I JUST-- YOU'RE JUST WHAT, PURELY SEXUAL? JOY! THIS IS KATIE LLOYD, MY COLLEAGUE, A LAWYER.
YOU APOLOGIZE THIS INSTANT.
OKAY.
I'M HERE ABOUT YOUR NEPHEW HENRY.
I HAVE CONCERNS.
I NEED YOUR HELP.
WHAT CONCERNS? WELL, HE'S 15.
HE'S GOING THROUGH PUBERTY.
HE'S STARTING TO GET AN ACUTE INTEREST IN SEX.
ISN'T THAT NATURAL? AND HE MAY BE DATING HIS SISTER.
WHAT? YOU HEARD ME.
BUT HE'S AN ONLY CHILD.
WELL, HE IS OR HE ISN'T.
WE DON'T KNOW.
HE WAS CONCEIVED BY AN ANONYMOUS SPERM DONOR.
I HAVE AN EXCELLENT SEX LIFE SO LONG AS MEN DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE TO GET IN THE BEDROOM WITH ME.
ANYWAY,TURNS OUT FIONA, THAT'S THE GIRLFRIEND FIONA SHE WAS CONCEIVED BY AN ANONYMOUS SPERM DONOR.
IT ALSO TURNS OUT SHE'S THE SPITTING IMAGE OF HENRY.
I'M THINKING, WHAT ARE THE ODDS? ARE YOU WITH ME? TO BE HONEST, I'M STILL RECOVERING FROM THE GRIPPING APOLOGY.
I MET FIONA'S MOTHER.
WE BOTH USED THE SAME AGENCY MY GOD, WHAT IF? I MEAN, WHAT IF THEY FALL IN LOVE AND GET MARRIED AND START REPRODUCING? W-WELL, LET'S SIMPLY TAKE D.
N.
A.
SWABS AND-- D.
N.
A.
IS NOT CONCLUSIVE WITH HALF SIBLINGS.
COULD YOU SPEAK TO HIM? ME? HE LOVES YOU.
DOES SHE EVER SPEAK? I MUST SAY, WHEN I FIRST READ THE COMPLAINT, I COULDN'T DECIDE WHETHER IT WAS JUST LAUGHABLE OR NONSENSICAL.
NOW THAT I SEE WHO THE ATTORNEY IS, IT MAKES SENSE THAT IT'S LAUGHABLE.
WADE AND I GO BACK.
HE REPRESENTS THE PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES THAT ALMOST KILLED DENNY.
HOW'S THAT DISCOVERY GOING, BY THE WAY? IT MIGHT BE PROCEEDING MORE QUICKLY IF I WASN'T SIDETRACKED BY BASELESS, GROUNDLESS, FRIVOLOUS CLAIMS.
HE'S A BIG FAN OF ADJECTIVES.
YES, I GO BACK A LITTLE BIT WITH WADE AS WELL.
REALLY? THE HOSPITAL HAS ADMITTED COMTTING GROSS MISCONDUCT, WHICH CAUSED THE VICTIM'S DEATH.
BUT IT'S A MILITARY HOSPITAL.
THEY'RE IMMUNE.
FINE.
WE HAVE THE MERITS, YOU HAVE THE LEGAL TECHNICALITIES.
LET'S MEET SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE.
THE TECHNICALITY HERE IS THE TRUMP CARD.
THE SUPREMCOURT CLEARLY HELD YOU CAN'T TOUCH MILITARY HOSPITALS.
GAME OVER.
THAT RULING WAS 50 YEARS AGO.
THINGS CHANGE.
THINGS CHANGE? WILL THAT BE YOUR LEGAL ARGUMENT, THINGS CHANGE? I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW, TONY SCALIA IS PERSONAL FRIEND OF MINE, AND TRUST ME, HE HAS NO INTEREST WHATSOEVER IN WHAT ANY SUPREME COURT BEFORE HIM HAS SAID.
I DON'T KNOW WHY I EVEN BOTHERED TO COME OVER HERE.
BECAUSE YOU MISS ME, WADE.
HUG? WE'RE A NATION OF HUGGERS, YOU KNOW? WE WILL TAKE THIS TO COURT.
FINE.
DO THAT.
HAVE A LOVELY DAY.
WHAT? WE DON'T REALLY WANT IT TO END QUICKLY, DO WE? HE'S FUN.
I CERTAINLY UNDERSTAND YOUR CONCERNS.
BUT WE HAVE CONTRACTUAL AGREEMENTS ASSURING ABSOLUTE CONFIDENTIALITY WITH ALL OF OUR ANONYMOUS DONORS.
HE COULD BE DATING HIS SISTER.
JOY.
I APPRECIATE YOUR LEGAL OBLIGATIONS, BUT CONTRACTS CAN BE VITIATED ON GROUNDS OF PUBLIC POLICY.
AND YOUR PUBLIC POLICY ARGUMENT WOULD BE WHAT? HE'S DATING HIS SISTER! JOY.
- ARE THESE YOUR CHILDREN? - YES, THEY ARE.
YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL FAMILY.
I CAN SEE THEY EVEN LOOK LIKE YOU.
HENRY ESPENSON WONDERS WHOM HE LOOKS LIKE.
DO YOU REALLY THINK IT'S FAIR, MR.
CHISM, THAT HENRY'S RIGHT TO KNOW HIS GENETIC LINEAGE WAS SIMPLY CONTRACTED AWAY FROM HIM? MR.
ESPENS, WITHOUT ASSUNCE OF ANONYMITY, MANY SPERM DONORS WOULDN'T DONATE.
IT'S POSSIBLE HENRY MIGHT NOT EVEN EXIST.
AND IF WE WERE TO LOOK AT THE EQUATION AS BEST INTEREST OF THE SPERM DONOR, I'D SIDE WITH YOU, BUT SINCE COURTS TYPICALLY OPT FOR BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD-- AND HENRY WOULD BE BETTER OFF ON BORN? BELIEVE ME, MR.
ESPENSON, I'VE HEARD ALL THE ARGUMENTS.
AND AS I SAID, I DO SYMPATHIZE, BUT THERE IS NO WIGGLE ROOM ON THIS ONE.
WE WILL NOT LL YOU WHO THE SPERM DONOR IS.
ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, BUDDY, I'VE TRIED TO PLAY NICE HERE, BUT IF WE HAVE TO GO TO COURT, I'LL DO IT.
I'LL CLOSE YOUR DOORS, AND THEN YOU CAN LIQUIDATE ALL YOUR LITTLE TEST TUBES AND TURKEY BASTERS, YOUR PORN VIDEOS.
SEE THIS HERE? IT'S A CIGARETTE, BUB.
AND YOU CAN PUT IT OUT LIKE THIS, JUST SNUFF IT IN AN ASHTRAY, OR I CAN STOMP IT WITH MY SIZE-13 BOATS.
EITHER WAY, IT'S EXTINGUISHED, PAL.
WHETHER YOU WANT TO BE SNUFFED, STOMPED OR SUCKED DRY, WE CAN DO IT NICE, DO IT ROUGH.
HOW'S GONNA BE? JUST YES, SECURITY, PLEASE.
I AM NOT BEING A TRAITOR.
I'M SUPPORTING OUR TROOPS.
WHY AREN'T YOU? ISN'T THIS WAR COSTING US ENOUGH WITHOUT THE LAWYERS COMING IN-- OH, I DON'T WANT TO GET INTO THIS.
ALAN, I'M GONNA TELL YOU SOMETHING AND YOU NEED TO HEAR THIS-- AMERICA IS SICK OF BUSH BASHING.
ENOUGH ALREADY.
I'M NOT BASHING BUSH.
YOU'RE SUING THE MILITARY, WHICH IS THE PENTAGON, WHICH IS THE GOVERNMENT, WHICH IS BUSH.
IT ALL COMES DOWN TO BUSH.
DENNY, THIS ISN'T ABOUT BUSH.
THIS IS ABOUT THE TROOPS RISKING THEIR LIVES IN THE-- OH, PLEASE.
AFTER THE DEBACLE AT WALTER REED, YOU MUST BE KIDDING.
THESE KIDS ARE RETURNING WITH CATASTROPHIC WOUNDS.
WHO THE HELL IS LOOKING OUT FOR THEM, REALLY? NOT CONGRESS.
IT'S ONE YOU CAN'T WIN, ALAN.
SAYS WHO? SAYS LAW.
SAYS THE UNITED STATES SUPREME COURT.
SAYS $50,000.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T YOU WANT TO BET.
UH-HUH.
IF YOU INSIST ON BEING AN IDIOT, AT LEAST LET ME PROFIT FROM IT.
HAVE YOU NO SHAME WHATSOEVER? NONE.
ALL PROCEEDS TO GO THE TROOPS.
FINE.
FINE.
FINE.
THERE ARE REASONS FOR THIS DOCTRINE, MS.
SCHMIDT.
YES, YOUR HONOR, BAD ONES.
THESE KIDS FIGHT OUR WARS.
IT'S AN UNDUE BURDEN TO COMPENSATE THEM WHEN THEY'RE VICTIMS OF MEDICAL MALPRACTICE? THE SOLDIER IN QUESTION LOST HIS LIFE BECAUSE OF AN AVOIDABLE, NEGLIGENT HOSPITAL SCREWUP IT'S NOT JUST THE MONEY.
SUBJECTING THE MILITARY HOSPITALS TO DISCOVERY-- OH, COME ON.
MAY I FINISH? YOU DIDN'T LET ME FINISH.
YOUR HONOR, THIS GOES BEYOND BAD FAITH.
WE SEND THESE KIDS TO WAR, THEY COME BACK IN NEED OF MEDICAL CARE, OUR DOCTORS COMMIT MALPRACTICE, AND WE TELL THEM, "OOPS.
YOU CAN'T SUE BECAUSE OF A-A DOCTRINE THAT SELECTIVELY SINGLES OUT AND PUNISHES SOLDIERS"? I THOUGHT HE WAS THE SPEECH MAKER.
NO, TODAY YOU GOT ME.
AT LEAST LET ME CALL A WITNESS OR TWO.
MY CLIENT LOST HIS ONLY BROTHER.
IF HE CAN'T HAVE HIS DAY IN COURT, AT LEAST GIVE HIM AN HOUR.
ALL RIGHT.
I'LL ALLOW YOU TO CALL WITNESSES AS TO THE LEGALITY OF THE DOCTRINE.
YOUR HONOR, IF SHE DOESN'T LIKE THE LAW, HER RECOURSE IS THE LEGISLATURE, NOT A JUDGE.
WELL, THANK YOU, MR.
MATHIS.
I KNOW WHAT MY ROLE IS.
YOU STARTED SUCKING ON THE CIGARETTE? I-I THINK I GOT SOME WOOD FIBERS LODGED IN MY LUNGS.
WELL, WH-WHAT HAPPENED? WELL I JUST SAW MY SISTER LOOKING AT ME LIKE I WAS THIS BIG LOSER, THE WAY SHE DID GROWING UP.
DID SHE REALLY THROW ROCKS AT YOU? YES.
SHE THOUGHT IF A HARD OBJECT CAME HURTLING AT MY HEAD, I'D HAVE TO LIFT MY HANDS OFF MY THIGHS TO BLOCK IT.
SHE DOES LOVE ME IN HER WAY, BUT HER WAY SUCKS.
IT'S A PROP.
SO WHAT HAPPENS NOW WITH THE CASE? WELL, WE GO TO COURT, BUT FIRST, WE HAVE TO TELL HENRY.
HOW CAN I HELP? YOU CAN'T REALLY.
I NEED TO DO THIS CAN YOU? IT'S A PROP.
SOMETIMES I THINK ABOUT RETIRING, BUT WHAT WOULD I DO? I HATE GOLF.
I DON'T MUCH LIKE TO TRAVEL.
DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT RETIRING? NOT REALLY, AS LONG AS I CAN PRACTICE LAW ON MY OWN TERMS.
AND YOU'RE DOING THAT? STILL ABLE TO PUT YOUR JUDGMENTS IN QUESTION FORM, I SEE.
YOU KNOW, SHIRLEY, I'M STILL ON THE BOARD OF BAR OVERSEERS.
THERE'S A LOT OF TALK ABOUT YOUR FIRM LATELY.
IS THERE? YES, REGARDING ITS, UH SLIDE.
I WASN'T AWARE OF ANY SLIDE.
TWO OF YOUR NAME PARTNERS HAVE LOST THEIR MINDS, AND YOU WHAT ABOUT ME? I'VE KNOWN YOU A LONG TIME.
MAY I BE BRUTALLY HONEST? OH, PLEASE.
THIS ALAN SHORE IS DRAGGING YOU INTO THE SEWER.
IT'S NOW HIS THUMBPRINTS ALL OVER CRANE, POOLE & SCHMIDT, NOT YOURS.
HE'S UNSCRUPULOUS, HE'S DISRESPECTFUL TO OUR JUDICIARY, HE'S A BAD SEED, AND HIS REPUTATION IS RUNNING TO YOUR FIRM AS A WHOLE, TO YOU.
I SEE HIS INFLUENCE IN PLAY IN--IN THIS VERY CASE.
YOU BROUGHT A BASELESS, FRIVOLOUS CAUSE OF ACION BARRED BY LAW.
WHY? ARE YOU DONE? GO AHEAD.
LET ME HAVE IT.
I'M A BIG BOY.
I'VE PRACTICED A LONG TIME, WORKED WITH SOME OF THE HIGHEST-RANKING MEMBERS OF OUR PROFESSION-- I INCLUDE YOU AMONG THEM-- BUT I HAVE YET TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH A MORE SKILLED, MORE PRINCIPLED, MORE NOBLE ATTORNEY THAN ALAN SHORE.
IF HIS IS THE REPUTATION I'M TO BE SADDLED WITH, I WILL TAKE IT.
AND LUNCH IS OVER.
IF YOU WANT TO REJECT MY OPINION, THAT'S YOUR PREROGATIVE.
BUT HERE'S A FACT-- HE IS PUTTING YOUR FIRM IN PERIL.
BELIEVE ME WHEN I TELL YOU THAT.
JERRY, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HELPING ME TELL HIM.
I'M JUST SO AFRAID IF HE HEARS IT FROM ME, HE'LL HATE MY GUTS FOREVER.
HEY, MOM.
HI, UNCLE JERRY.
HENRY! HELLO.
WELCOME.
THIS COULD TAKE A WHILE.
IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
YOU, TOO.
THIS IS MY GIRLFRIEND FIONA.
I BROUGHT HER ALONG, IF THAT'S OKAY.
WE'RE KIND OF INSEPARABLE.
SO WHAT'S THE BIG MYSTERY? DID I INHERIT MONEY OR SOMETHING? DID MY BIRTH FATHER KEEL? HENRY.
SO REALLY, WHAT'S THE DEAL? LET'S GO INTO THE CONFERENCE ROOM WHERE WE ALL CAN SIT.
ARE YOU CURRENTLY SERVING IN THE MILITARY, SIR? NO, I'M A RETIRED CAPTAIN FOR THE U.
S.
ARMY.
I SERVED UNTIL LAST YEAR.
AND WHAT WERE YOUR PRIMARY RESPONSIBILITIES? FOR THE LAST NINE YEARS, I WAS MAINLY IN RECRUITING, GETTING YOUNG MEN TO ENLIST.
DID YOU RETIRE ON GOOD TERMS? NOT SO MUCH.
COULD YOU TELL US WHY? WELLIT WAS SUGGESTED I RETIRE AFTER I WAS A LITTLE TOO OUTSPOKEN ON WHAT I PERCEIVED AS A BACKDOOR DRAFT.
UM, WHEN YOU SAY "BACKDOOR DRAFT"-- I MEAN WE TARGET THE POOR.
NO ONE LIKES TO SAY IT PUBLICLY, BUT THAT'S WHAT WE DO.
AND YOU TARGET LOW-INCOME YOUTH BECAUSE? THEY NEEDED THE MONEY.
MOST KIDS DON'T WANT TO GO OFF AND FIGHT WARS IF THEY CAN AVOID IT, SO WE HONE IN ON THE KIDS WITHOUT OPTIONS.
THE POOR.
THE POOR.
WE SET UP OUR RECRUITMENT STATIONS IN THE POOR NEIGHBORHOOD MALLS AND IN THE POOR HIGH SCHOOLS.
I'M SORRY.
CAN YOU AT LEAST TELL ME THE CONNECTION TO THIS CASE? IT GOES TO FAIRNESS, MR.
MATHIS.
WE GO AFTER THE LOWEST ECONOMIC DEMOGRAPHIC IN OUR SOCIETY TO FIGHT OUR WARS.
THESE KIDS ARE RISKING THEIR LIVES OUT OF FINANCIAL DURESS.
- THEY HAVE-- - I'M SORRY, MS.
SCHMIDT.
THIS IS AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT ISSUE.
THIS WITNESS IS DISALLOWED.
YOUR HONOR, I WOULD LIKE YOU TO UNDERSTAND THE CONTEXT OF THIS-- NO.
WE'RE GONNA STAY ON ISSUE.
NOW IF YOU'VE GOT A WITNESS WHO CAN TALK OUT THIS CASE OR THE DOCTRINE ITSELF, I'LL LISTEN.
OTHERWISE, THIS WITNESS IS DISALLOWED.
NOW WHO ELSE DO YOU HAVE? YES, I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR FROM THE DOCTOR WHO TREATED MY CLIENT'S BROTHER.
DEFENSE STIPULATED THAT HE COMMITTED AN AVOIDABLE ERROR RISING TO THE LEVEL OF MALPRACTICE.
I'D LIKE TO HEAR FROM HIM ALL THE SAME SINCE-- THERE'S NO POINT HERE FROM THE DOCTOR UNLESS YOU'RE TRYING TO MANIPULATE ME WITH EITHER HORROR OR OTION, NEITHER OF WHICH INFORMS US OF THE LEGITIMACY OR THE LAWFULNESS OF THE FERES DOCTRINE.
YOUR HONOR, CERTAINLY YOU'RE ALLOWED TO BE HORRIFIED BY THE FACTS IN THIS CASE.
THE DOCTOR IS DISALLOWED.
IN ORDER TO FULLY APPRECIATE THIS DOCTRINE AND ITS CAPRICIOUS APPLICATION, YOUR HONOR NEEDS TO HEAR TEST-- OH, WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU'VE--YOU'VE WASTED ENOUGH OF MY TIME ALREADY.
I'D LIKE TO HEAR SUMMATIONS FROM COUNSEL IN THIS COURT TOMORROW AT 10:00 A.
M.
, AND THEN I'LL RULE.
IN THE MEANTIME, I'D LIKE TO SEE COUNSEL IN MY CHAMBERS.
WELL IT, UM, UH, MIGHT BE BEST IF THIS CONVERSATION WERE-- WERE PRIVATE.
MOM, WHATEVER IT IS, I'M GONNA TELL FIONA.
E'S MY SOUL MATE.
OKAY.
WELL THE THING IS, HENRY TELL HIM.
WELL, HENRY, HELLO.
WELCOME.
THIS IS A LITTLE BIT ABOUT YOUR BIRTH FATHER, ACTUALLY.
- DID HE CROAK? - NO.
NO, NO, NO.
WELL, WE HAVE NO WAY OF KNOWING ONE WAY OR ANOTHER SINCE WE HAVE NO IAVA WHO HE EVEN IS.
FIONA'S BORN DOWN A BABY TOO IT'S ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS WE BONDED OVER.
YES, IN FACT, YOU'RE NOT JUST SPERM-DONOR BABIES.
BUT YOU BOTH COME FROM THE SAME SPERM BANK, ACTUALLY.
REALLY? COOL.
YOU SEE? WE'RE SO MUCH ALIKE.
M-MORE ALIKE THAN YOU MIGHT IMAGINE.
IT'S POSSIBLE YOU CAME FROM THE SAME SPERM DONOR.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WELL YOU MAY HAVE UM THE SAME BIRTH FATHER.
THE ODDS ARE AGAINST IT, OF COURSE, BUT THERE'S A WEE CHANCE THAT UH, FIONA IS YOUR HALF SISTER.
THAT--IT CAN'T BE.
I-I--I'M SURE IT ISN'T, BUT, UH, UM, IT MIGHT BE.
THAT--IT CAN'T BE.
I-I--I'M SURE IT ISN'T, BUT, UH, UM, IT MIGHT BE.
HOW CAN WE KNOWFOR SURE? WELL THAT'S THE THING.
UH, WE CAN'T.
WE'RE TRYING, BUT SO FAR WE CAN'T.
I HAVE BEEN INFORMED THAT COUNSEL HAS BEEN WAGERING ON THIS CASE.
IS THAT TRUE? THAT IS ABSOLUTELY FALSE.
MR.
SHORE - WHAT ABOUT YOU? - ME? I'VE BEEN INFORMED THAT YOU AND DENNY CRANE HAVE A SIDE BET FOR $50,000.
IS THAT TRUE? - WELL - ALAN? PROCEEDS GO TO THE TROOPS.
I NEVER BET ON BASEBALL, AND I BET WE'D WIN HERE, SO IT'S NOT AS IF I'M THROWING ANYTHING HERE.
BUT A SENIOR PARTNER IN YOUR FIRM-- DENNY AND I HAVE THESE LITTLE SIDE BETS ALL THE TIME.
IT'S NOT LIKE THAT ANSWER REMOTELY HELPED ME.
I LIED ABOUT THAT ACTUALLY.
DENNY AND I DON'T BET ALL THE TIME.
I NEVER BET.
I JUST LIE.
MY THERAPIST RECOMMENDS THAT I LIE TO GET PAST THE GAMBLING PROBLEM.
WELL, I'M RECOMMENDING YOU FOR DISBARMENT AS SOON AS THIS CASE IS THROUGH.
ALL RIGHT.
SUMMATION, - YOU TOLD THE JUDGE? - WHAT? ABOUT OUR BET.
YOU TOLD THE JUDGE.
I DID NO SUCH THING.
WELL, HE KNOWS, DENNY.
HOW WOULD HE KNOW? DON'T ASK ME.
YOU NEVER SAID ANYTHING TO ANYBODY? WELL, I-I MIGHT HAVE MENTIONED IT TO THE CLERK IN PASSING.
- I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
- CALM DOWN.
YOU SABOTAGED A CASE OF THIS FIRM SO YOU COULD WIN A BET? YOU SABOTAGED ME.
- KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN.
- I WILL NOT KEEP MY VOICE DOWN.
YOU SOLD ME OUT.
I'M UP FOR DISBARMENT NOW.
- YOU MIGHT BE, TOO.
- I'LL MAKE A FEW CALLS.
DENNY, WE WAGERED ON A CASE.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW UNETHICAL THAT IS? WELL, IT'S NOT LIKE WE BET ON BASEBALL.
YOU DID THIS TO ME, TO YOUR BEST FRIEND.
WINNING A BET IS MY GOD.
SHE LOOKS MAD.
OF ALL THE THINGS YOU HAVE DONE NEVER MIND THE ILLEGALITY OF IT, THE INSENSITIVITY A SOLDIER LOST HIS LIFE.
- SHIRLEY-- - THERE IS NO EXCUSE, ALAN.
I WASN'T ABOUT TO OFFER ANY.
IT WAS STUPID.
WE NEVER SHOULD HAVE DONE IT.
IF I THOUGHT IT WOULD HAVENY BEARING ON THE CASE, I NEVER W-- OF COURSE IT HAS BEARING.
THE JUDGE NOW TAKES OUR CASE MUCH LESS SERIOUSLY BEC-- WHICH WAS OBVIOUSLY DENNY'S PLAN, WHICH IS WHY HE TOLD THE CLERK.
OH, SURE.
SELL ME OUT.
YOU SOLD ME OUT.
YOU BETRAYED ME.
YOU BOTH BETRED ME AND THIS FIRM AND THE CLIENT.
YOU SICKEN ME, BOTH OF YOU.
MAYBE I SHOULDN'T HAVE TOLD.
MAYBE?! YOU RISKED EVERYTHING.
OUR FRIENDSHIP, OUR TRUST, OUR NIGHTS ON THE BALCONY-- YOU PUT A STUPID BET BEFORE IT ALL.
I MEAN--YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T CARE.
I'M DONE.
WE'RE DONE.
- ALAN.
- I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT YOU.
SO THIS ISN'T Y KIND OF IN VITRO FACILITY OR-- NO, YOUR HONOR.
IT'S SIMPLY A BANK.
PEOPLE BUY AND SELL SPERM.
AND DO PEOPLE BUY AND SELL A LOT OF IT, OR HAS THE WEAKENED AMERICAN DOLLAR TAKEN ITS TOLL THERE AS WELL? YOUR HONOR, I CERTAINLY HOPE YOU'RE NOT FINDING HUMOR IN THIS.
THE CONSEQUENCES HERE ARE POTENTIALLY DIRE.
LOOK, THE ODDS OF TWO PEOPLE FROM THE SAME DONOR MEETING ARE-- NOT PREPOSTEROUS.
MANY DONORS DONATE BUCKETS OF SPERM OVER TIME.
IN FACT, WITH DESIGNER BABIES AND GENETIC ENGINEERING BEING THE NEW MUST-HAVE FOR WEALTHY FAMILIES, MANY PROSPECTIVE PARENTS GO LOOKING FOR THAT ATHLETIC GOOD-LOOKING MAN WITH THE IVY LEAGUE DEGREE.
THERE ARE SOME DONORS WHO HAVE SIRED MORE OFFSPRING THAN SECRETARIAT.
IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE TWO PEOPLE FROM THE SAME SEED HOOK UP.
CROWN CRYOBANK FOLLOWS THE GUIDELINES RECOMMENDED BY THE AMERICAN SOCIETY FOR REPRODUCTIVE MEDICINE TO SPECIFICALLY GUARD AGAINST THE POSSIBILITY OF CONSANGUINITY.
BUT IT CAN HAPPEN.
LOOKING AT THESE TWO KIDS, YOU CAN SEE THE POSSIBILITY.
YOUR HONOR, IF I MAY, WE LIMIT THE NUMBER OF LIVE BIRTHS PER DONOR TO 25 PER POPULATION OF 800,000.
BUT YOU HAVE NO MEANS OF ACTUALLY TRACKING THAT NUMBER.
THERE'S NO OBLIGATION FOR THE WOMEN TO TELL YOU THE RESULTSLT OF THE PURCHASED SPERM ONCE IT LEAVES THE DEPOT.
WE HAVE BINDING CONTRACTS WITH OUR DONORS.
BUT IF YOU TALK TO ADOPT CHILDREN?? THEY WILL TELL YOU THERE IS A NEED.
EVEN THE--THE ONES RAISED BY LOVING ADOPTIVE FAMILIES, THERE IS A FUNDAMENTAL, PERHAPS EVEN PRIMAL NEED, TO KNOW WHO AND WHERE THEY CAME FROM.
AND THESE CONTRACTS SAY, "NO, SORRY, SPERM DONORS' PRIVACY COUNTS MORE.
" THAT'S WRONG.
PARENTS HAVE ALWAYS TREATED CHILDREN LIKE CHATTEL, LIKE ACQUISITIONS, BUT THIS THE U.
K.
PASSED A LAW ENDING THE PRACTICE OF DONATING SPERM ANONYMOUSLY.
FERTILITY CLINICS STARTED TO DRY UP.
SOME HAVE NO SPERM AT ALL.
DESPERATE PARENTS LOSE OUT.
ALL RIGHT.
I THINK I KNOW THE ARGUMENTS.
YES, SON? I JUST WANT TO SAY, JUDGE, NOBODY EVER CONSULTED ME.
NOW IF I WANT TO KNOW WHERE I CAME FROM, WHO MY BIRTH FATHER IS, DOES CANCER RUN IN THE FAMILY, ARE THERE ANY OTHER DISEASES I MIGHT BE MORE LIKELY TO GET, DO I HAVE ANY BROTHERS OR SISTERS, IS THERE ANYBODY ELSE OUT THERE WHO LOOKS LIKE ME-- I DON'T GET TO KNOW ANY OF THAT BECAUSE BEFORE I WAS BORN, SOME PEOPLE ENTERED INTO A CONTRACT.
I'M SORRY.
GO TELL SOMEONE WHO'S INRESTED.
I'M WORKING ON MY SUMMATION.
- ALAN, I-- - GET OUT.
YOU DON'T DO SOMETHING LIKE SORRY ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH.
ALAN I'M SLIPPING.
WHAT WOULD EVER POSSESS ME TO-- I MEAN, I DO CRAZY THINGS, BUT I-I ALWAYS KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
MY JUDGMENT ON THIS WAS I KNOW I'M SLIPPING.
I'M SO, SO SORRY.
FOR ME TO HAVE DONE THIS TO THE PERSON I LOVE MOST IS WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME? NOTHING'S HAPPENING TO YOU.
YES, IT IS.
I'M NOT SURE.
MAYBE I SHOULDN'T PRACTICE ANYMORE.
LOOK, DON'T OVERREACT.
I TOLD THE CLERK OF A SITTING JUDGE WE HAD A BET ON THE CASE.
IF I'M GOING DOWN, I--I'M NOT TAKING YOU DOWN WITH ME.
IT'S TIME I QUIT.
IF YOU QUIT WORK, DENNY, YOUR BRAIN WILL SHRIVEL UP TO THE SIZE OF A SMALL RAISIN, AND YOU SURELY WILL DIE.
HAVE YOU BVEFEELING OTHER SYMPTOMS LATELY? SOMETIMES I FEEL A LITTLE FOGGY AND I DON'T SEEM TO ALWAYS GET THINGS.
- FOR EXAMPLE? - OBAMA.
ANOTHER EXAMPLE.
THE PATRIOTS LOSING TO THE GIANTS.
YOU'RE COVERING.
THE IDEA OF NOT HAVING YOU-- YOU WILL NEVER NOT HAVE ME.
YOU SAID WE WERE DONE.
I WAS ANGRY, DENNY.
I'LL GET BY IT.
OUR FRIENDSHIP WILL SURVIVE AN ACT OF POOR JUDGMENT.
- REALLY? - REALLY.
IF YOU WANT TO CALL OFF THE BET-- I HAVE NO INREST IN DOING THAT.
I PLAN ON WINNG.
- DOUBLE IT? - DONE.
DON'T TELL.
I WON'T.
THANk YOU, ALAN.
YOU FORGIVE, I FORGET-- WE MAKE A GOOD TEAM.
YES.
WE'RE A VERY GOOD TEAM.
ALL RIGHT.
LOOK, WHEN I GREW UP, IT WAS RELATIVELY RARE TO MEET A PERSON WHO WAS ADOPTED.
TODAY ADOPTION IS COMMONPLACE, AS ARE MULTICULTURAL FAMILIES.
GENEALOGY IS ALMOST CONSIDERED IRRELEVANT.
BUT IT IS RELEVANT.
PEOPLE DO WANT TO KNOW THEIR GENETIC HISTORY, WHETHER IT IS FOR MEDICAL REASONS OR JUST, WELL, TO FEEL COMPLETE AS ONE ADOPTED FRIEND RECENTLY TOLD ME.
I AGREE WITH MR.
ESPENSON.
WE CANNOT ALLOW A CONTRACT TO USURP THE AUTONOMY OF THE CHILD.
THE CURRENT LAWS ARE ANYTHING BUT CURRENT, AND THEY NEED TO BE REEXAMINED.
IN THE MEANTIME, I AM NOT ORDERING THE DEFENDANT TO TELL THE PLAINTIFF THE IDENTITY OF HIS BIOLOGICAL FATHER.
BUT I AM ORDERING YOU TO TELL HIM IF HE AND HIS GIRLFRIEND COME FROM THE ME SPERM DONORRM YOU HAVE MY RULING.
WE ARE ADJOURNED.
SO WHAT HAPPENS NOW? WELL, WE AT LEAST FIND OUT IF YOU TWO ARE RELATED.
HOW LONG WILL THAT TAKE? I WOULD THINK WE'D KNOW TODAY.
GOOD WORK, JERRY.
I'M VERY IMPRESSED.
IT ISN'T JUST THE UNDUE ECONOMIC BURDEN ON THE GOVERNMENT, YOUR HONOR, THOUGH THAT ALONE WOULD BE CRIPPLING.
But the SUBJECT S THE MILITARY HOSPITALS TO DISCOVERY? THAT COULD RESULT IN THE FREE TRADE OF MILITARY SECRETS.
IT COULD COMPROMISE MILITARY DISCIPLINE.
REPRESENTATIVE DUNCAN HUNTER, A MEMBER OF THE HOUSE ARMED SERVICES COMMITTEE AND A FORMER FIGHTER PILOT-- CONSIDER WHAT HE SAID-- "THE FERES DOCTRINE REPRESENTS A REASONABLE APPROACH "TO ENSURING THAT LITIGATION DOES NOT INTERFERE "WITH THE OBJECTIVES AND READINESS OUR NATION'S MILITARY.
" YOU KNOW, AND THINK OF IT? DO WE REALLY WANT OUR MILITARY PERSONNEL BOGGED DOWN IN DEPOSITIONS AND MOTIONS WHILE WE'RE TRYING TO FIGHT A WAR? AND FINALLY, YOUR HONOR,??? MILITARY HOSPITALS TEND TO DEAL WITH HIGH VOLUME, AND AS MR.
SHORE NOTED, MANY CATASTROPHIC WOUNDS.
WE WANT THESE KIDS GETTING TREATMENT.
THE LAST THING WE NEED IS FOR DOCTORS TO BE BALKING OUT OF FEAR OF GETTING SUED.
IF YOU TAKE AWAY THIS IMMUNITY, THE REALITY IS, YOU'LL LOSE DOCTORS, AND OUR KIDS WON'T GET THE MEDICAL TREATMENT THEY'VE EARNED AND DESERVE.
LAWYERS LOVE TO SUE.
IT'S WHAT WE DO.
IT'S HOW WE HEAT OUR POOLS.
BUT SOMETIMES WE HAVE TO PUT OUR COUNTRY FIRST.
AND FAILING THAT, HOW ABOUT YOU PUT OUR TROOPS FIRST? AH.
IT'S SURPRISING TO HAVE TO EXPLAIN THE RUDIMENTS OF OUR LEGAL SYSTEM TO OPPOSING COUNSEL, BUT I AM NOT SUING ANYONE.
MY CLIENT IS SUING BECAUSE HIS BROTHER, A SOLDIER, WAS KILLED BY A MILITARY HOSPITAL.
BY THE WAY, THERE ARE NO POOLS BEING HEATED HERE.
I DON'T HAVE ONE, AND AS FOR MY CLIENT, HE SHOULD BE SO LUCKY TO HAVE A HOUSE, LET ALONE A POOL.
ALTHOUGH I'M SURE HE'D PREFER TO HAVE HIS BROTHER.
PRIVATE RICHARD CANFIELD WAS IN THE FORT WAYNE MILITARY HOSPITAL GETTING BASIC FOLLOW-UP TREATMENT FOR WOUNDS SUSTAINED IN IRAQ, WOUNDS HE WAS HEALING FROM NICELY.
HE BEGAN TO HAVE TROUBLE BREATHING DUE TO AN ADVERSE REACTION TO MEDICINE HE WAS MISTAKENLY GIVEN.
THE DOCTOR THEN INSERTED A BREATHING TUBE INCORRECTLY AND PROCEEDEPROC PUMP AI P INTO HIS STOMACH.
BY THE TIME THEY FIGURED OUT THEIR MISTAKE 15 MINUTES LATER, PRIVATE CANFIELD HAD SEVERE BRAIN DAMAGE.
THREE DAYS LATER, HE DIED.
NONE OF THIS IS IN DISPUTE.
HAD THIS SAME MALPRACTICE HAPPENED TO ME OR YOU, OUR ESTATES WOULD RECEIVE MILLION-DOLLAR SETTLEMENTS.
BUT BECAUSE PRIVATE CANFIELD WAS A G.
I.
, NOT A NICKEL.
APPARENTLY, WE CAN ALL LIVE WITH THAT.
THIS FERES DOCTRINE IS AS UNFAIR AS IT IS PATENTLY LUDICROUS.
THERE IS NO DANGER OF REVEALING MILITARY SECRETS.
DISCOVERY WOULD ONLY GO TO MEDICAL RECORDS.
AND FRANKLY, I AM MYSTIFIED AS TO HOW THIS COULD POSSIBLY AFFECT MILITARY DISCIPLINE.
WOULD THE TROOPS SUDDENLY STOP SALUTING OR BEGIN MARCHING IN CROOKED LINES? AND AS FOR THE SUPPOSED BURDEN ON THE GOVERNMENT, YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME.
WHAT ABOUT PRIVATE CANFIELD'S HORRIFIC ORDEAL? NOT TO MENTION THE OBVIOUS FACT THAT WHILE OUR GOVERNMENT WILL UNDOUBTEDLY SURVIVE, PRIVATE CANFIELD DID NOT.
I WOULD SAY TO YOU, YOUR HONOR, THESE ARE OUR KIDS WHO ARE DYING.
BUT IT'S NOT REALLY OUR KIDS, IS IT? NOT FOR THE MOST PART.
IT'S THE POOR PEOPLE'S KIDS.
AND THE DIRTY LITTLE SECRET, SOME MIGHT SAY WINDFALL, OF OUR RECORD POVERTY AND DISPARITY OF WEALTH IS THAT WE'VE GOT PLENTY OF POOR PEOPLE WITH KIDS TO FIGHT OUR WARS.
I'M SORRY, BUT I'M OFFENDED BY THAT.
ARE YOU, REALLY? HOW ABOUT A REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE WHO OPPOSES EDUCATIONAL BENEFITS FOR G.
I.
s SO AS NOT TO ENCOURAGE TROOPS TO LEAVE THE MILITARY? KEEP THEIR OPTIONS LIMITED.
DOES THAT OFFEND YOU? HOW ABOUT ALL THE WAR PROFITEERING BY THE RICH? HOW ABOUT THE FACT THAT WHILE AN ARMY SERGEANT GETS AN ANNUAL SALARY OF $70,000, PRIVATE SECURITY GUARDS HIRED BY BLACKWATER AND DYNCORP GET $400,000 TO $500,000, DOES THAT OFFEND YOU? ALL KINDS OF WONDERFUL, LUCRATIVE DEALS CAN HAPPEN IN WAR, BUT FOR THE G.
I.
s, WE'VE GOT THE FERES DOCTRINE, WHICH MEANS WHEN A G.
I.
IS KILLED BY HOSPITAL NEGLIGENCE OR EVEN DELIBERATELY BY A DOCTOR, NOT A NICKEL.
HOW CAN THIS NOT SHOCK OUR NATIONAL CONSCIENCE? THE MEDIA GIVES IT LITTLE IF ANY SHRIFT.
MR.
MATHIS CLEARLY DOESN'T CARE.
AND ME? HELL, I EVEN PLACED A BET ON THE CASE.
HOW CAN IT BE THAT WE DON'T MUCH CARE? MAYBE BECAUSE IT'S NOT OUR KIDS WHO ARE DYING.
IT'S THE POOR PEOPLE'S.
YES.
YES, THAT'S FINE.
I'LL WAIT.
I'M ON HOLD.
THEY HAVE THE ANSWER? IT SEEMS SO.
IT'S GOING TO BE FINE.
I READ A STUDY.
PEOPLE ARE ATTRACTED TO OTHER PEOPLE WHO LOOK LIKE THEM.
IT'S NOT UNUSUAL FOR US TO RESEMBLE EACH OTHER.
YES.
THANK YOU.
WELL? YOU HAVE THE SAME SPERM DONOR.
I'M SORRY.
THIS ISN'T FAIR.
I'M SO SORRY.
ALL RISE.
BE SEATED.
I'M ALLOWING THE PLAINTIFF'S CASE TO STAND.
YOUR HONOR, THE PRECEDENT SET BY THE FERES DOCTRINE-- THE FERES DOCTRINE IS NO LONGER APPLICABLE IN TODAY'S WORLD.
WELL, IN THAT CASE, the REMEDY IS THE LEGISLATURE.
I DISAGREE, COUNSELOR.
THIS DOCTRINE UNFAIRLY VICTIMIZES THE POOR.
THERE ARE FAR MORE RICH PEOPLE REGISTERED TO VOTE THAN POOR PEOPLE.
THIS WILL NEVER GET FIXED BY AN ELECTABLE LEGISLATURE, NEVER.
- YOUR HONOR-- - I'M ALLOWING THE CASE TO STAND.
WE ARE ADJOURNED.
WELL WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? IT MEANS FOR NOW, YOU STILL GET TO SUE.
HOPEFULLY WE CAN SETTLE IT QUICKLY.
THANK YOU.
I'LL SCHEDULE A MEETING WITH OPPOSING COUNSEL, AND WE'LL SEE WHERE IT GOES.
I'LL LET YOU KNOW.
SHIRLEY, I APOLOGIZE AGAIN FOR ANY EMBARRASSMENT THAT-- OKAY.
SHE'LL FORGIVE US.
IT SOUNDS LIKE SHE'S ALREADY HALFWAY THERE.
WHAT MAKES YOU SAY THAT? WELL, SHIRLEY HAS NO TROUBLE EXPRESSING HER DISPLEASURE.
BUT WHEN SHE SAYS NOTHING OR WALKS AWAY IN SILENCE, IT'S LIKE SHE'S SAYING, "I'M STILL ANGRY, BUT I'LL FORGIVE YOU.
" WILL YOU REALLY FORGIVE ME? I DID ALREADY.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY SAID THAT TO THE CLERK.
PROMISE ME SOMETHING-- WHEN I DO SOMETHING CRAZY, YOU'LL TELL ME.
OKAY, LET'S START WITH DOUBLING THE BET.
OH, RIGHT.
YEAH.
AT LEAST TELL ME IT'S GOING TO A GOOD CAUSE, LIKE A HOOKER.
IT'S GOING TO THE TROOPS.
REMEMBER? OH, RIGHT, YES.
I FEEL BETTER NOW.
YOU OKAY, DENNY? OH, YEAH.
YOU REALLY YELLED AT ME.
I JUST LOST MY TEMPER.
I'M OVER IT.
YOU KNOW WHAT'S LONG OVERDUE? YOU AND ME ON A ROAD TRIP.
A ROAD TRIP.
MAYBE WE SHOULD GO TO ROME, OR THE BALCONY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE BUILDING.
YEAH, I'VE GOT IT.
A DUDE RANCH.
A DUDE RANCH? IT'S HORSES AND--AND SHEEP AND FRESH AIR AND SHEEP.
LET'S GO WEST, TO THE WILD WEST.
I DON'T REALLY LIKE HORSES.
HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE HORSES? YOU JUST LEAVE IT TO ME.
I'LL MAKE ALL THE ARRANGEMENTS.
WE'LL HAVE CAMPFIRES AND MARSHMALLOWS AND TENTS AND SHEEP.
ME AND YOU AND FRESH AIR WOULD DO US BOTH GOOD.
THAT IS WHAT WE NEED.
THANK YOU FOR BEING THANK YOU.
I DON'T THINK YOU'RE SLIPPING, DENNY.
I REALLY DON'T.
OKAY.