Boy Meets World s04e07 Episode Script

Look at me.
Saturday night home alone.
Next on the Food Channel, yummy chewy brownies.
I should be dating college girls, but I'm not.
And this just in to the Weather Channel.
Hurricane Chester has been downgraded from a stage 4 hurricane to a refreshing breeze.
I want to date college girls, but how? How, I ask? MTV's Singled Out is coming to Philadelphia.
If you want to be a contestant and meet hundreds of college girls on a very special college edition of Singled Out, then call the number on your screen.
To give your brownies even more chewiness Wait a minute.
To meet thousands of college girls, here's that number again.
See you on Singled Out.
Yes, you will.
Honey, a tonsillectomy is a really simple operation.
Yeah.
You stay overnight in the hospital, you eat Jell-O and you come home the next day.
I don't need an operation.
Then why are you talking like that? I just irritated my tonsils brushing my teeth.
It's that darn angle toothbrush.
Shawn, tell your friend he has to go to the hospital.
I'm sorry, Topanga.
I've got some serious problems with doctors and I don't think I have to explain why.
Explain why.
Fine.
Last night I'm flipping through the channels, all right? I'm watching CNN.
You're watching CNN? Oh, yeah.
They suckered me in with this story about cake, but then they did an expose on a 15-year-old boy, went to the hospital for a routine procedure and vanished.
Vanished? I want a second opinion.
Cory, you're missing the point here.
Cake! Shawn! You, go home.
You're scaring my son.
I'm sorry, but it's my duty to stay and protect my friend.
And I am protecting Cory from you.
You know, I could take you, Topanga.
Mail! Mail, mail, mail! Eric, there must be thousands of guys trying to get on Singled Out.
It probably takes them months to make a decision, get a letter out And yet, lookee here.
"To Eric Matthews from MT " I can't quite make out that last letter.
What is that? V.
V.
What? What? How about I kill you? Let's see here.
"Dear Eric.
Congratulations on being selected "to appear as a contestant on MTV's Singled Out.
"And please don't bring your negative, negative dad.
" What? Let me see that.
Wow, they really put that.
Mr.
Feeny, I have to talk to you.
How could you not be here? Mr.
Feeny! Mr.
Feeny! Mr.
Matthews.
What can I do for you? I got a problem.
You're not out here gardening.
And you're not at school, you're not gardening.
What are you doing? I'm sorry.
I'm here now.
Okay.
Look, I've been selected to be on this MTV game show Singled Out.
And I know they're gonna interview me before I go on the show and I know they're gonna ask me what college I go to.
You don't go to a college.
I know the one thing I don't want to say is Harvard.
They're gonna know I don't go to Harvard.
They're gonna think I'm so stupid because I don't know the name of some other prestigious school, so, I was wondering, could you just give me the name of the school you went to, if it still exists? I won't do that, Mr.
Matthews.
Gone, huh? I won't be a party to this deception.
And my advice to you is think long and hard about what you're doing.
College? Harvard.
Harvard? Yeah.
Go, smart guys.
Tell me, if you go to Harvard, then why are you here in Philadelphia? I go to the Philadelphia campus.
They have a Philadelphia campus? They have six.
Stop trying to trap me.
It doesn't matter.
We chose you because of your hair.
I understand.
See you on the show tomorrow.
Thank you very much.
Bye-bye.
Daddy? Are you leaving? Well, only because visiting hours are over and if I stay any longer, they're gonna charge me $4500.
Well, you are my dad, and, I guess, if you're not worried, then everything's gonna be okay, huh? Cory, there's nothing to worry about.
This is a routine procedure.
You're gonna be fine.
They won't slip and cut off my head? This is the best hospital with the best doctors in the city.
Do you think they'd just let anybody in here? Well, the first thing is, security around here sucks.
How'd you get in here? Never mind me.
We gotta get you out of here.
Careful.
My intra Hey, sorry, man.
That hurt.
Yeah, yeah.
I'll take a look at that later.
But we gotta get you out of here before you start losing your whole body.
Shawn, you're starting that crazy talk again.
Ah, crazy, am I? "Dateline, Orlando, Florida.
"A 15-year-old boy admitted to a local hospital for a routine procedure today "mysteriously vanished from the operating table.
" Shawn, I'm quite prone to nervousness.
So I would appreciate it if you didn't bring in invented stories from those idiotic supermarket tabloids, okay? It's in New York Times, baby.
The New York Times, trailer park edition.
It's exactly the same, except you can eat it.
Shawn, you are crazy.
Dr.
Hunter, Dr.
Hunter, you're wanted in delivery.
Crazy, huh? Well, this hospital doesn't seem to think so.
It's another Dr.
Hunter, Shawn.
I'm going to delivery.
I tell you, Cor, no matter how many you do, it's a miracle every time.
Welcome back to our special college edition of Singled Out.
And once again, our professor of love-ology, Chris Hardwick.
Ooh, ooh.
Okay.
All right, class, close your books because today we're gonna start the semester with 50 comely co-eds who will do anything to get to the head of the class.
But, of course, only one will graduate with honors and she's going to win a date with our big man on campus.
Let's meet him.
Mr.
Eric Matthews! Take the mask off, Eric.
I'm not trying to be funny or anything, but you're a very attractive man.
It's like looking in a mirror.
No.
I don't think so.
Listen, Eric, would you like to tell the girls a little about yourself, the big Harvard man that you are.
Harvard University, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh, no, no, no.
It's a huge school.
What, Why don't we There are some students there.
Why don't we just play the game? Oh, and he's modest, too, girls.
What a catch.
Well, Eric is a junior at Harvard University.
He currently maintains a GPA of 7.
0.
Yeah, I didn't do too hot in science.
Very nice.
Science wasn't good.
Do we have to talk about this on the air? No, we don't and we won't.
As a matter of fact, we'll go over to our board here.
Our categories are First Date, Brains, Hygiene, Age, Height and Experience.
Eric, where would you like to start? Okay, Chris.
Why don't we start with First Date? All right.
Very good.
Have you been naughty or have you been nice? Hmm, well, I know my mom would want me to send away the naughty girls, but All right, then! Have you been naughty, get out! No! No! No! Yes! Stay! My mom's not here! You can be naughty.
I want to be naughty with you! No! Chris! No, hi! Hi! I didn't mean you.
I didn't mean Hello! Hi! You can wait for me outside.
I can be naughty.
He tricked me! It was Hi! Chris, what are you doing to me? You're a strong man, sacrificing all that just to make Mom proud.
You're sweet and sensitive, exactly the kind of guy every girl wants.
Is that not true, ladies? Where would you like to go next? I want to go with the naughty girls.
Well, that's not possible.
So, let's turn our attention over here and go to the board.
Okay.
Let's try Brains.
All right, Brains.
We have Einstein or Beer Stein.
All right, Chris.
You're not gonna fool me this time.
So I know if I say Beer Stein first All right, Beer Steins, get out! No! Yes! No! No, no, hi! You can stay! Party girls! Hi! Hi! Oh, here you go.
Here you go.
Do over.
I'm sorry.
Meet me in the parking lot! Eric, forget about them! Oh, fine.
We've narrowed it down to our last five brainy, chaste girls, just for you, buddy.
It's bad, isn't it? No, no, no.
Really, it's fine, it's fine.
They're exactly the kind of girls you wanted.
I mean, sweet and sensitive and intelligent and fully-clothed and We will see how bad it is for Eric when we come back right after this.
Naughty! I meant naughty! It's over.
Let it go.
I had naughty.
Well, here we are.
Of course, it's Singled Out, final roun and we're down to the last three girls.
There used to be 50.
Let it go, math boy.
It's not the end of the world.
Now before the show, we gave Eric a pop quiz and he wrote down some answers.
You got to try to match those.
Every time you get an answer correct, you move a step forward.
And if you get in the circle first, you get to go out with our Harvard hunk, Eric.
Harvard hunk! Harvard hunk! You hear that, Mr.
Feeny? Center.
Focus.
We're here.
I'm sorry.
All right.
Let's begin.
Bad kissers.
Dump 'em or train 'em? Dump 'em! Train 'em! Train 'em! What'd you say, Eric? Well, I'm gonna take the time, Chris.
I'm gonna train 'em.
Train 'em! A guy who listens is sensitive or picturing you naked? Naked.
Sensitive.
Sensitive.
Eric? Well, Chris, I was sensitive enough to write down Sensitive.
Sensitive! This could be the final question here.
Best way to wake up? Steamy hot cocoa for two or steamy hot shower for two? Shower! Shower! Actually, cocoa.
And you were doing so well, too.
Eric, show us shower! Well, actually, see, the thing is I kind of really like cocoa! Okay.
Not a problem.
Stand up.
You know, the show may actually work, which completely blows my mind.
All right, Eric.
She's all the things you wanted in a girl.
She's smart, she's sweet, she's sensitive.
She likes cocoa, whatever.
And she's a sophomore at Columbia University.
Turn around and meet Lisa Thurman.
Congratulations! Tami! Eric, you and Lisa will enjoy a night on the town You're a junior at Harvard? escorted in your own personal limo! Yeah.
You go to Columbia? Yeah.
After seeing the sights of historic Philadelphia, you'll settle into a cozy booth You like it there? Yeah.
I like it a lot.
at one of Philadelphia's best kept secrets.
Chubbies.
Chubbies? Oh, I love that place! Really? I've never been there.
Really? Well, that's the end of the show.
Thanks for watching Singled Out.
Listen.
I just want to say, nice hair.
Hey, back at you.
Thanks, buddy.
Good luck.
Okay.
He's a great guy.
Yeah, he is.
So, uh, Chubbies.
Yeah.
It's a mild sedative.
It should relax him before we take him to OR.
Might make him a little groggy.
I'll have the soup.
What are you gonna have, King Louis? No change yet.
Honey, they're about ready to take you in to surgery.
I'll be right here when you get back.
Sponge bath? No.
Alan.
Amy.
George, it's very sweet of you to visit, but Cory hasn't even been in for his surgery yet.
Well, actually, I received an urgent phone call, imploring me to come down.
Feeny.
I'm here, Mr.
Matthews.
Closer.
I'm close enough.
Thank you for coming.
Now, I don't have much time.
I need to make peace with you.
Sedative.
Ah! Well, all is forgiven, Mr.
Matthews.
I wish it was that simple.
I've done a lot of bad to you over the years.
I want to make things right between us.
You're making me very uncomfortable.
Ah, for once, just listen to me, man.
In the classroom under my desk is a key.
The key will open airport locker B-378.
In the locker is a tattered plaid valise.
In the valise, you will find all my homework.
For five years.
You see, all these years, I've understood everything.
I'm actually a brilliant student.
What is the capital of Montana? You're not going to the airport, are you? No.
Okay.
We'll see you in a couple hours.
No.
I'm vanished.
I am vanished.
"15-year-old boy vanishes during surgery.
" This is idiotic.
Not even Cory could believe this could happen to him.
This is television's hardest-hitting exploration of unexplained phenomena.
We're Not Making This Up.
And now, here is anchor Grant Steele.
During what was termed a routine tonsillectomy at a Philadelphia area hospital, Cory Matthews vanished! Here I am with the story.
This bed is empty.
Because a 15-year-old boy is not in it.
We talked to the two grief-stricken parents.
Amy, Alan, tell us in your own grief-stricken words what happened.
Well, he was about to go into surgery.
We were looking right at him.
You were looking right at him.
We were looking right at him and he vanished.
When you say vanished, you mean He disappeared.
When you say disappeared, you mean He vanished.
How about that? Of course he vanished.
I told him he'd vanish and he vanished.
I even know where he went.
He went where they all go.
To the fourth dimension, sometimes known as The Bottle City of Kandor.
But nobody listens to me.
They all think I'm crazy.
Are you? Am I? Am I crazy? Well, I guess that's for you to decide.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta go sew this guy's head back on.
His school principal, devoted teacher and next-door neighbor, George Feeny.
Are you surprised Cory Matthews has vanished? I can't believe it.
It's all here.
Five years of homework, just as the boy said.
And these papers are remarkable.
Such insight, such perspicacity.
How could I have doubted him? How do you feel now, knowing that you were wrong about him all these years? About the same.
So there you have it.
Cory Matthews, if you're out there, you're Sort of missed.
Good night, and we'll see you on the next edition of We're Not Making This Up! You were embarrassed? I was the one who was embarrassed.
But you seemed so confident up there.
Yeah? You bought my confident thing? Oh, I thought you were adorable.
The things you were saying were so cute and smart.
Well, of course you're smart, going to Harvard.
Yeah, well, you must be pretty smart yourself if you got into Columbia.
Yeah, but I never thought I'd have so much in common with a Harvard boy.
Will you forget about Harvard? Okay.
You know, the only reason I even went on that show is because it's so hard to meet somebody like you.
Don't you meet a lot of girls in Boston? Yeah, well, you know, I'm in class all the time.
And when I'm not in class, I'm on Singled Out and stuff, so it's really hard to meet people.
How about you? Aren't there a lot of nice guys at Columbia? Yeah.
There are.
What's the matter? This would've been so much easier if you were a jerk.
What? Eric, I'm not what you think I am.
I lied.
You lied? You're really one of the naughty girls? Aw! There, I'm over it.
Now, how naughty are you? I'm pretty naughty, Eric.
Well, I'm not here to judge.
Eric, I don't go to Columbia.
What? I applied, but I didn't get in.
I didn't get in anywhere.
I went on Singled Out because I really wanted to date a college guy because it would make me feel better about myself.
Wow! Where do I start? I'm sorry.
I'll leave if you want.
No.
No, don't leave.
I'll leave.
I really should be the one leaving.
You? I'm the pathetic townie who lied to get on a game show.
Lisa, if I held up my card, it would say exactly the same thing.
What? I don't go to Harvard.
I mean, I did the same thing you did, but you confessed first.
You know, I wasn't even gonna confess.
I was gonna let you think that I really went to Harvard until you liked me anyway and I felt better about myself.
And then, I don't know, I'd have my parents call you and tell you I died.
Wow! We really are compatible.
Yeah.
So, you want to cut the classes we don't have and see a movie? I hear there's a great party at Swarthmore.
Want to go? You can get us in? Actually, I thought you could.
Well One day I will.
Feel better now, Cory? I'm completely recovered, darling.
They might've taken out my tonsils, but they could never take out my love for you.
So, what do you got, soup? Sherbet.
Chicken and rice.
You're still a little woozy, aren't you? I'm seeing five of you.
You feel strong enough to take a walk around the hallways? Are you kidding? I would walk anywhere for soup.
Cory, I picked you up some comic Cor? Cory, where are you? Oh, no.
It happened.
He vanished! And I'm next.
I know way too much.
Oh, no, it's happening! I'm starting to dematerialize.
Shawn? Topanga and her four sisters are taking me for soup.
You want in? Yeah.
Sure.