Breadwinners (2014) s01e03 Episode Script

Employee of the Month; Brocrastination

2 [Ducks quacking, record scratching] Both: buckle up, duckies 'cause we got a rocket van delivering bread flying quazy 'cause we can quazy, quazy quazy 'cause we can - Swaysway! - Buhdeuce! - Do a barrel roll, man! Both: Sweet! Buckle up, duckies 'cause we got a rocket van delivering bread, flying quazy 'cause we can Booty kick it, party punch it shake your feathers, make your pants dance - Look out, we're gonna crash land! Crash! [Triumphant music] [Frogs croaking, crickets chirping] [Upbeat rap music] - I be Booty kicking bread in the rocket van pack it up real nice, the best I can stuff that bread, fill it up to the brim then I take the rest and cram it all in Hooh-ah! [Doors creak] Packed it like a pro.
- Buhdeuce? Yo, buhdeuce! I've got some news so big, it is gonna make your head explode.
- Tell me, tell me, tell-- I'm very excited.
Please tell me the news.
- Here, big guy.
Better protect your noggin, 'cause today, in this very hangar, I am giving out [Whispers] An award.
- What kind of award? - The first-ever Breadwinners Employee of the month award! - Oh, my bap! Ahh, employee of the month.
I can see it now.
[Marching band music, crowd cheering] - We love you, buhdeuce! - Thank you! I love you too! But most of all, I love you, big, shiny employee of the month award.
Crowd: Buh-deuce, buh-deuce, buh-deuce! - Buhdeuce, stop smooching the bread.
- Wha--huh? Hey! I don't kiss on the first date! Huwah! - Come on, the ceremony is about to begin.
And trust me, you do not want to miss it! [Upbeat music] [Reverb] [Clears throat] Good afternoon, and thank you all for coming out today.
- [Laughing] All right! Yeah! I know him! I-I totally know him.
- Thank you, thank you.
We're here today to honor a truly righteous member of the breadwinners team.
- [Giggling] - Someone who works hard - I work hard! - And gives it their all.
- I give it my all! - It's time now to announce The employee of the month! [Triumphant music] - Employee of the month employee of the month I'm gonna be employee of the month - and the award goes to Hold on, I need my glasses.
Yep, ah.
Wait a minute.
I don't wear glasses.
Crash! - Oh, come on, open it! - [Grunting] [Phone rings] Yello? Oh, hey, how's it going? - Oh, my bap.
- Yeah? Uh-huh? Oh! [Laughs] You don't say.
I'm sorry, you have the wrong number.
- Open the envelope already! - And the award for employee of the month goes to The rocket van! - Yeah, boy! Yep, yep, yep, yeppity yep yep.
Yep, yep, yep, yeppity-- bonk! Wait.
The rocket van? - How about a big round of applause for our winner? Whoo-hoo! - Whoo Hoo.
- Are you feeling all right? - [Sniffles] Me? Oh, yeah.
Never been better.
[Frogs croaking] [Sobbing] I know it's just an award, and [Sniffles] I shouldn't cry, but I just can't help it! [Wailing] It's not fair.
I should be employee of the month.
[Blows nose] - Ribbit? - What's that, jelly? You're right.
I will not cry.
I am better than the rocket van, and I'll prove it! Then swaysway will see how good I am, and he'll make me employee of the-- of the-- [Giggling] Jelly, I'm trying to be serious here, and you're licking my butt.
- Ribbit.
[Funky rock music] - Whoo-hoo! [Laughs] Did you see that? The rocket van takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'.
- Big deal.
I can take a lickin'.
[Grunting] Agh! [Grunting] - Uh, are you okay? - Me? Ha, ha.
Oh, yeah.
Not even a scratch.
[Energetic rock music] - Whoo-hoo! That's what I'm talking about.
You are fast, rocket van, a.
K.
A.
Employee of the month.
- Yeah, but sooner or later, the rocket van runs out of gas.
I never run out of gas.
[Farts] - Oh, ugh.
Gross.
- I don't mean to toot my own horn, but-- [toots fanfare] - Ew! - [Farting] - Gah! What has gotten into you? - Ooh, sorry, bap.
Once you break the seal, the fart gates cannot be closed.
[Farting musically] - Whoo! Rocket van, you are a lean, mean, bread-delivering machine! - Well, I can be lean.
[Inhales] Blah.
I can be mean.
[Roars] And I can be a machine.
[Crunching] I'm a machine.
[Gears whir] I'm a machine.
I'm a machine.
- [Laughs] What a quazy little dude.
- I'm a machine.
I'm a machine.
[Grunts] I'm a machine.
I'm a machine.
I'm a machine.
I'm a machine! [Upbeat digital music] I'm a machine! I'm a machine! I'm a machine! [Music slows down] I'm a machine.
[Panting] [Alarm blaring, duck quacking] Sorry.
[Panting] I'mA Machine.
[Groans] I did it.
[Chuckles] I proved that I'm a lean, mean, bread-delivering machine.
[Snores] [Alarm buzzes] - Wakey wake, sleepy head time to get up and deliver more bread - Oh, boy.
[Energetic music] - Yo, buhdeuce.
- Gah, wha? - Do me a favor and secure the cargo.
- Roger [Yawns] That.
Faberge egg bread all secure.
- Good, 'cause we're about to begin an unnecessary and extremely reckless vertical ascent! Whoo-hoo! [Ominous music] - [Growls] - [Snoring] Agh! Wha-ha-ha-ha! [Heroic music] - Whoa! The rocket van totally saved your beak.
That was awesome! - Yeah, awesome.
- Once again, it proved why it's employee of the month.
Come on, let's head on home.
- [Sighs] [Crickets chirping] Hi, rocket van.
I just wanted to say thanks for saving me.
And sorry for trying to take your award.
You deserve it.
Not me.
[Sad country music] You've got levers and fancy parts I've got a belly and a butt that farts you can do barrel rolls and loop-de-loops and other cool tricks I can't even bathe myself or hang a shelf and I'm 2'6" I just want to be the best breadwinner that I can be 'cause delivering all that bread means everything to me always hanging with my best bap sway party punching all day I just want to be the best breadwinner but I can't be - Buhdeuce, come on, man.
That's not true.
You are the best breadwinner.
- Really? - Yeah, man.
- But he's got levers and fancy parts.
- So what? You've got guts and a really big heart.
- But-- but he can do barrel rolls and loop-de-loops and other cool tricks - yeah.
But you can do ninja rolls and somersaults and Booty kicks - yeah, boy! - And if you wanna know the truth there ain't nobody who loves bread more than you sing it, bap! - I really am the best breadwinner that I can be - you're better than the best you're bestest to me - I can't even floss my teeth - So? - or count to three - that's why you got me - I really am the best breadwinner that I can be - you can be both: we can be - thanks, swaysway.
With a best bap like you, I don't need a silly award.
- Oh, really? 'Cause I was actually planning on giving you one.
But if you don't want it, I-- - I changed my mind! I want an award! - In that case, congratulations Employee of the year! - Oh, my bap! ThanksBap.
- You're welcome, bap.
[Digital hip-hop music] [Frogs croaking] [Alarm beeping] Crash! - [Laughs] Oh, yeah, nailed it! [Dance music] - Swamp pad, we're home! [Chuckling] Whoa! Aw, jelly, you licked my face off.
- You know, after a long, hard day of delivering bread, there's only one thing I want to do.
- [Chuckles] - Eat bread! - Bread! Bread, bread, bread, bread, bread bread, bread, bread, bread, ooh! Bread, bread, bread, bread, bread - Come on, let's set the table and eat like proper ducks.
Screech! Both: Whoa.
[Flies buzzing] - Buh, when was the last time we did the dishes? - One, maybe Two years ago? Tops.
- Agh.
- Yuck! [Both gagging] - I think there's something growing in there.
[Both scream] - Welp, there's only one way to deal with a major dirty dish overload.
- Move out of the swamp pad, start a new life, and never look back.
Good-bye.
[Hayseed music] And I never looked back since.
And that's the story of my life, guy I just met.
- [Quacks] - Agh! Oof! - Deucer! Snap out of it! - Buh, snapping out of it.
- We've put this off for too long.
These dishes must be cleaned.
So let's roll up our sleeves And make the dishwasher do it.
- What? No way, brah.
Those dishes are too dirty.
They'll gum up my works.
- Come on, they're not that bad.
[Ominous music] Okay, they are that bad.
But you're doing them anyway.
It's your job.
- Then I quit.
Huah! [Huffing and puffing] - Get back here, dishwasher! - You don't own me! - Yes, we do.
I have the receipt! [Dramatic music] - See ya later, feather lickers.
Ha, ha, ha! Huh? Whoa, whoa-- whooooa! Still not doing the dishes, bros.
- All right, we can't put it off any longer.
We have to do the dishes.
- Right behind ya.
[Ominous music] [Both whimpering] - On second thought, I have to exercise.
You start without me.
[Huffing and puffing] - I'd love to, but, uh, I have to, uh, comb jelly's hair! Yeah! [Squeaking] - Ribbit? - This is, uh, gonna take a while.
You better do the dishes yourself.
- [Groans] Wish I could, bro.
[Groans] But I got, like, six [Groans] Thousand more curls to crush.
[Arm deflates] - Well, then, I need to go upstairs and, uh, vacuum my bed.
- Well, I need to fix the computer.
- It's not even broken.
- Now it is.
- All fixed.
Now you can get started.
- Me? What about you? - I have to take jelly for a walk.
Bye-bye, ciao.
[Phone ringing] - Hello, breadwinners.
- Hey, bap, are those dishes done yet? - You bet they're done-- done waiting for you to get back so you can start washing them! - But I can't wash those dishes.
- Why not? - Because I have to wash these dishes.
[Cheerful digital music] - Whoa.
Turbowasher 2000! - Check out my moves.
- [Laughs] You are scrubbin' like a boss! - [Panting] - Tell me it's two-player, buhdeuce.
- It's two-player, buhdeuce.
- Yes! Okay.
Loser has to do the real dishes.
- That's a deal-io, bro-lio.
Both: take that, dirty dishes a scrub-a-dub-dub gonna clean you good eat my suds take that, dirty dishes a scrub-a-dub-dub - taste my soap - eat my suds - [whoops] - Yeah, boy! [Ominous music] - Huh.
Oh! [Huffing and puffing] - Fine China level.
- Whew.
[Music winds down] - Noooo! - Yes! I win.
And you have to do the dishes.
- [Sighs] Okay, I'll do them.
Stupid dishes, ruining everything.
Never should've bought dishes in the first place.
- No dishes for me no dishes for me I shake my Booty why? Come on, sway! Why? That's right! no dishes for me [ominous music] [Deep growl] - Okay, dishes, you don't like me, and I don't like you.
But the sooner we get this done, the sooner I can get back to not washing you.
Splat! Oh! [Gasping, spitting] Right in the mouth.
That's it! No more Mr.
nice duck.
[Chomp] Ah, crumbers.
- No dishes, yeah, for me [Humming tune] Oh.
Swaysway, can I help? I wanna help.
- I thought you didn't want to do the dishes.
- Well, but now I'm bored, and you're doing that, so I wanna do it too.
- Be my guest, deucewasher.
[Funky music] - [Groaning] Waaah! Crash! [Coughs] I'm okay.
- [Slurping] - Oh, lickety-spit.
This is perfect! - What's perfect? I don't get it.
- Jelly, man.
She can clean the dishes with that big, slobbery tongue of hers.
- [Slurping] - Duties, you have been officially shirked.
- Total shirkage! - [Slurping] - Game on! - Man, this is so much better than cleaning real dishes.
- Yep, yep.
[Ominous music] [Deep growl] - [Chortles] Oh, wash it good.
- Scrub-a-dub-dub.
- Aaah! Both: Jelly! - Jelly? Where are you, girl? - Jelly? - Jell-bells? - Jelly? [Spits] - Huh.
Where could she be? Splat! [Ominous music] - Excuse me, giant bacteria blob.
Have you seen our pet, jelly? Gah! Giant bacteria blob! - What have you done with jelly? - Ribbit.
- You give her back right now! - [Roars] - Okay, can we at least have her on the weekends? - [Roars] - Once or twice a month? - [Roars] - I am not sure I like your attitude.
- I'm not afraid of you.
Okay, I'm afraid of you.
- All right, I didn't want to do this, but you've left me no other choice, bacteria blob.
Shoe attack! Gagaba! [Both gulp] [Screaming] - Jelly's in trouble, and it's all our fault.
- Why didn't we just do the dishes like good little ducks? Why? Why, why, why? - It's okay.
I know a nice train we can go live on.
- I've got a better idea.
Remember what we learned from turbo dishwasher 2000? - That playing video games is more fun than washing dishes? - Yes, but We also learned skills, the same skills we need to wash real dishes.
We'll just scrub that bacteria blob out of existence.
- But where are we gonna get a sponge big enough for the job? [Electricity crackling] - Has that factory always been there? Weird, we have never noticed it before.
[Ominous music] Both: Ow.
- [Roars] [Both scream] [Shrieks] - Hang on, jelly! We're coming! [Energetic rock music] - Ribbit.
- Bacteria blob, you may have started this-- well, actually, we started it with our procrastination.
But we're gonna finish it! - Scrub-a-dub-a-dub-a-dub! [Cheerful digital music] [Rock music] - [Shrieks] - Yeah, it's working! [Both scream] - [Grunting] [Music slows down] LosingEnergy.
Can'tKeepUp.
- Hold on, bap.
It's two-player.
[Music speeds up] Both: take that, dirty dishes a scrub-a-dub-dub gonna clean you good eat my suds take that, bacteria blob we're done procrastinating time to finish this job boom! - Yeah! - Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! - Whew.
Boy, that was hard work.
My arms feel like jelly.
Both: Jelly! Jelly? Jelly! - Swaysway, what if she [Gulps] Croaked? Both: Jelly! - Come here! - [Chuckling] - Good girl.
Ah, welp, jelly's okay, the bacteria blob is gone, and all the dishes are sparkling clean.
- Wait, I think we missed a spot.
[Bell dings] - Jelly, would you do the honors? Crash! [Both coughing] This time, let's clean up our mess right away.
- Yep, yep.
Except, uh, first, I have to fold my socks.
- And I have to sharpen my pencils.
- Cut my nose hairs - Straighten the napkins Check my horoscope - Stare out the window - Take a personality quiz - Organize my belly button lint.
Wonder about the future - Whoo! - r-r-r-r-rocket van delivering bread in a rocket van my name is swaysway and this buhdeuce - yep yep.
- Yeah.
Duck party! - Get Jimmy quackers in here I'm a duck, he's a duck quack quack wiki-quack quack a duck [scatting] All: rocket van