Breeders (2020) s01e07 Episode Script

1 Great photos.
We do need to get going, though, mate.
This is Lenny with a beefeater.
- Wicked.
- Oh, and here he is skiing.
- Wow, skiing.
- Look, Daddy.
This is when Lenny went to Alton Towers.
- Ah.
- He was on a ride.
- All right.
- And this is when he went to breakfast with Mr.
Tumble.
- Look.
- Wow, Mr.
Tumble.
Sorry, Darren.
I'll call this evening Is that okay? And this is Lenny with Mo Farah and Ed Sheeran.
Hang on, hang on.
That's Madame Tussauds, Luke.
They're made of wax.
Even Taylor Swift? Especially Taylor Swift.
Great, thanks.
Yeah, no, it's, um It's Luke's thing.
One of the kids gets the, uh, - class teddy bear - Up.
Come on.
For half term, and we have to record its adventures.
Yeah, it's been going since 2000.
The fucker's been everywhere.
We should have taken him to Machu Picchu, but he's been on the sofa all week, so now we are taking him to the park for a photo.
Honey, honey, we need to, uh All right, yeah, sorry.
Okay, I gotta go.
Um, yeah, I absolutely will read the Berlin notes.
Cool.
Bye.
Okay, how long till we're ready? - We are ready.
- Ready? - Kids' shoes? - Look down, Paul.
Kids are already wearing their shoes.
How did I not notice their shoes going on? - This is black ops.
- [LAUGHS.]
Well, okay.
Let's go.
- Got Lenny? - Yeah.
Fantastic.
Let's carry on this golden efficiency.
Oh, afternoon, all.
Hey, you off anywhere nice? Or not nice? I've just done a fat Waitrose.
We're just going to the park.
Sorry, I have to get one thing.
- All right, babe.
- Oh, a picnic, or a kick-about? A playground? Just a stroll? - Oh, we're, um - Or Frisbee? Do people still play Frisbee, or just throw them for dogs? Actually, Carl, this belonged to Ally's late father.
I'm gonna propose with it today.
I see.
Nice.
Right.
Good luck.
- Paul! - Thanks.
Excuse me.
Right, you two wait in the hall, please.
Don't move.
Don't take off any clothes.
Yeah.
- We can't go.
- What? Why? Is there something wrong? Ava hasn't got Giraffe.
I can't remember seeing him at all today.
Oh, it'll be under her pillow.
It always is.
Hi.
Yeah, um, uh bollocks.
I'm running a bit late.
Sorry about that.
Would you Would you do me a favor and just hang on No, I know, but it'll be ten minutes, tops.
Who are you talking to? Myself, like a loon.
Have you got Giraffe? - Uh, yeah, found him.
- Oh, fantastic.
I'm just popping for a wee.
Yeah, I'm I'm aware that there's an extra charge.
That's fine.
No, everything's fine.
Lovely.
Okay, we'll see you very soon.
Thanks.
Luke is such a terrific baby.
- His little face! - I know.
- Ooh.
- He's a smasher, all right.
And I don't tend to bandy that word about.
No, I know you don't.
Steady on.
Yeah, now you make sure you look after Ally, yeah? Oh, I will.
Listen, you two.
I'm gonna ask Ally to marry me.
We've got no money for a big do.
I've had to re-felt the shed roof.
Shut up, you miserable sod.
Paul, that's lovely news.
Thanks, Mum.
- You got a ring? - Yeah, I have.
Uh, here we are.
Oh.
- A wooden ring? - Mm-hmm.
Do they exist? Yeah, looks like it.
- It's very rustic.
- Mm.
Well, Ally'll like it.
It's birch.
Symbolizes growth and renewal.
They used to beat sailors with the birch.
I know this isn't the sort of family we are, but I'd really love some paternal approval now.
Go on, Jim, give him some paternal approval.
I'll say what my dad said to me when I told him about Jackie.
- Go on.
- He said, "Are you sure you know what you're doing?" Yes, I am, Dad.
Fair enough, then.
Good man.
Making your own way.
I'm proud of you.
Thanks, Dad.
Appreciate it.
If we were different people, I'd hug you, but we're not, so I won't.
Understood.
Right, we're off to get the bus.
See you tomorrow.
Cheers.
Mum.
- Aww.
- Wish me luck.
- Ta-ta, love.
- Yeah.
[SIGHS.]
Oh, fucking hell.
- - Yes, this is an emergency.
I don't have to do what you say.
You're not even the big shoebox.
Thank you.
- Found it.
- Great.
- What are you doing? - Putting a wash on.
No, no, we agreed not to start any new projects till we got home.
New projects? I am washing your underpants, Paul.
I'm not recording a jazz fusion album.
Washing leads to drying, drying leads to folding, and folding leads to the dark side.
Please don't push that button.
All right.
What the hell is that? - Giraffe.
- That's not Giraffe.
That's backup Giraffe, and we agreed he was for emergency use only.
Come on, Ally.
I've already been through all this with the shoebox.
We can't just introduce an imposter toy unless we're absolutely sure that the original is gone, - so look again.
- There's no time to look again.
What is the rush? We'll get the bear picture.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Mummy.
- Daddy.
- Yes, sweetheart? - I need a poo.
- Christ! Go and have a poo, babe.
[SIGHS.]
[WASHER BEEPS.]
[SPACEY MUSIC.]
♪♪ Yeah, I understand, mate.
We'll we'll be getting there as soon as we can.
It's, uh Luke's recently developed this, um well, I guess you'd call it a complex about shit Uh, defecating, and we need to be really relaxed about it and Well, okay.
Well, I'll tell you, why I'm telling you all of this is because I need you to give me more time.
Paul? Can I have your phone? He wants some music.
Can't use yours? Well, you won't let me on the Spotify account, remember, 'cause I mess with your algorithms.
[SIGHS.]
Right, okay, okay.
Uh, lovers rock playlist.
He likes that one.
Try and be patient with him, all right? We don't want to mess him up.
Of course, yeah.
[SIGHS HEAVILY.]
[MUSIC PLAYING.]
- Daddy? - Jesus.
- Yes, babe.
- Where's Giraffe? Hmm? Giraffe? Uh, Giraffe, Giraffe.
Giraffe, Giraf Ava, should we look at some of your goats? Shall we? Come here, come here.
Look.
Where are they? [GOAT SCREAMS.]
There they are.
Ooh.
There they are.
- Luke won't be long.
- Mm-hmm.
What is this? It's a YouTube video of goats screaming like humans.
For some reason, it really chills her out.
Hmm.
You should call your parents and tell them we're gonna be late.
For what? - I invited them to the park.
- Why? I thought it'd be nice to have three generations - in the Lenny picture.
- For God's sake, why does he always get what he wants? He's a bear.
Just give them a call and say we're gonna be late.
[SIGHS.]
[CELL PHONE RINGING.]
Someone's calling me.
[GOAT SCREAMING.]
[CELL PHONE RINGING.]
Hey, Luke.
C-can I come in, mate? I need my phone out to take that call.
I'm not finished.
No, I know, but I really need to take that call, Luke.
Look, mate, I know that you've become a little bit nervous about all this stuff, but I've got to tell you, Luke, everyone craps, okay? The queen, Vampire Weekend, - everyone.
- [MUSIC PLAYING ON PHONE.]
Oh, see, it's gone now.
I've missed that call.
You've got to let me in, son.
You need to let me in.
Open the fucking door, Luke.
My God.
Hi.
- What do you think? - Oh.
[LAUGHS.]
I think he's everything I've ever wanted.
Well, there is one more thing, I suppose.
Is that what I think it is? Yes, it is.
- Is that made of wood? - Birch.
It symbolizes growth and renewal.
[LAUGHS.]
- Don't laugh.
- Sorry.
What do you say? You really want this, don't you? Yeah.
You, him, this.
Yes, I do.
- [SIGHS.]
- [BABY FUSSES.]
I'm gonna tell you what I want, Paul.
I want to not have stitches in my perineum and to drink five gin and tonics, and that is pretty much my entire universe for the foreseeable, so let's not run when one of us literally can't walk, okay? - Mm-hmm.
- [LAUGHS.]
You have done it once before.
Yeah, no, and it was the worst decision of my life, and I swore I'd never do it again, so Well, that's a hard no, then.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Okay.
Hey, look.
We've got everything we need right here.
Fuck, he's perfect.
[GENTLE MUSIC.]
Open the fucking door, Luke.
I can't get off the loo because I'm still doing it.
Mate, I'm gonna count to three, right? And then I'm coming the fuck in.
- Paul! - What? You carry on, love.
What are you doing? You know he needs silence.
He's having a shit, not defusing a bomb.
What has got into you today? Lenny.
- Lenny.
- The fucking bear.
Every other parent, every other family, has managed to take him somewhere exotic, magical, and fun.
We've not even been able to get out our fucking house.
Where's Giraffe? [MUSIC PLAYING.]
All right, stay calm.
I am, at this point, prepared to smash the glass on emergency Giraffe.
Thank you.
Good.
♪♪ [GOAT SCREAMING.]
Where's Giraffe? Here, I found him.
All good.
Hey, thank you.
Wait.
Her body might reject it, like a liver transplant.
Shh.
Here's your phone.
Sorry.
That's all right, mate.
That's fine.
Thank you very much.
Now, can I just check, is everyone finally ready to go? - Yeah.
- Okay, fine.
Thank you.
Right, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go.
Thank you.
We are not going out in that.
That is very big rain.
Come on, not really.
It's five minutes' walk.
Five minutes' swim.
Look at it.
No one's going anywhere.
No, Ally, we need to go to the park because of the bear.
Sod the bear.
The kids will get pneumonia.
Right, fine.
Okay.
[THUNDER ROLLING.]
[JAUNTY MUSIC.]
♪♪ How about you just stop? Just stop for a minute.
Fucking second, you filthy bastard.
Who's Daddy talking to? He is talking to the rain.
Why? Because that is what he has chosen to care about today.
Christ, Lenny has really seen some places, hasn't he? Jamaica, Sydney, Mumbai, Florence.
Yeah, that bear's had a better life than me.
You can't be jealous of a bear, Paul.
He's lived like fucking Bono.
Maybe, but he doesn't have a penis.
Who, Bono? Jealousy's a killer.
You know that? [THUNDER ROLLS.]
- Hey, hon.
- Hey.
Some more death flowers arrived.
I am sick to death of death flowers.
Who are they from? No one in particular.
What, are they anonymous or something? Liam.
They're from Liam.
That's weird.
Is it weird? Man sends flowers to dead ex-father-in-law.
Liam admired Michael, even though Michael thought - he was a bit - Worthless preening shit? Dull.
- Can I see the card? - Yeah.
Thanks.
[SNIFFS.]
"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, "there is a field.
I'll meet you there.
All my love, Liam.
" What is that? - Rumi.
- Huh? - Poet.
- Yeah, I know.
Dad liked his work, so Well, anyone can quote poetry.
I can quote poetry.
Uh - Don't make this - Okay, I'm not.
- Good, because it isn't.
- I know it isn't, babe.
Thank you.
[JAUNTY MUSIC.]
♪♪ Hey.
Uh, yeah.
Me again.
I'm sorry, but I am begging you to give me more time.
I know, I know.
I know it's raining, and I'm so sorry that it's been an ordeal, but I Well, ideally, an hour.
No? Okay.
Um, half an hour? 20 minutes? Please? 20 minutes it is.
Uh, w-we'll be right there.
Thank you so much.
[SIGHS.]
Ooh, one, two, three.
- [THUNDER ROLLS.]
- Do you know that trick? You count the seconds after the flash, and that's how many miles away it is.
You know what? I think it's clearing up.
- Really? - Mm.
It looks pretty heavy to me.
No, no, no.
According to my app, the rain will Well, it says "precipitation" Will stop in about four minutes.
So I'm digging out the Wellies.
- Oh, count.
One - [THUNDER CRACKS.]
It's okay.
It's okay.
[SIGHS.]
Yeah, probably give it a minute.
Let's just be okay with with being late.
Text your parents and tell them to shelter under a tree.
Actually, don't do that.
That can kill you, can't it? Yeah, I'll call Dad.
Fucking Barbados.
Dad, Dad, listen.
I'm gonna need you to run some interference at the old ice cream place near the park.
Yeah, Macready's.
- I'll tell you - [DOORBELL BUZZES.]
Uh, hang on.
There's someone at the door.
BOTH: Hello.
Oh, for f I thought you were gonna meet us there.
In this weather? Hi, Dad.
Oh, dear.
- Hello! - Hi.
- Hey! - Hello there.
Heavens, you still live here? Now, what's this about an ice cream man you need me to interfere with? - What? - What? [LAUGHS.]
I don't know what you're talking about, you crazy old bastard.
Right, it's definitely, uh, easing off, so shall we I think it might be brightening up, actually.
Thank you.
Let's get some brollies and just move on, shall we? - I need the lavatory first.
- Oh.
But I might be a few minutes.
Dad, can't you use the toilets at the park? No.
They terrify me.
Yeah, but it's getting dark s [SIGHS.]
So why are we going to the park again? To take a picture of the class bear.
He's millennial.
- Oh, one of those.
- Mm.
They're all over the news at the moment.
[WHISPERING.]
Dad, Dad.
Wait, wait.
Do you have to close the door? I want to ask you something.
This is very Continental.
I'm going to ask Ally to marry me.
Right? And there's a an ice cream place in the park.
- Macready's.
- Yeah.
I had a nosebleed there once.
So me and Ally used to go there all the time when we were first together.
It shut down last year, but the guy has agreed to keep it open for 30 minutes this afternoon.
And you think the romance of the gesture this time will persuade her to say yes? Yes, exac That was very emotionally literate, Dad.
I'm busting for a shit.
It focuses the mind.
After everything that's happened, I just want to give Ally some stability.
Here's the ring.
I was wanting to get this "ensmallened.
" Is that a word? No.
No.
Resized? - Uh, that is a word.
- [SNAPS FINGERS.]
Bingo.
Uh, well, it's an unusual piece.
- Eclectic.
- Yeah, it's for my wife.
Not my wife.
My girlfriend.
Fiancée, or she will be when I put a ring on her finger.
I'm familiar with the custom.
- I'm a jeweler.
- [LAUGHS WEAKLY.]
Uh, do you know what size her finger is? Ah, yes, she is exactly this size.
Now this is superb.
Hmm.
Very fine work.
Very fine work indeed.
It would make for a more traditional proposal.
Yes, I-I know, but that's the one she had last time.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
She was married before, which is fine.
Uh, the ring that I want resized actually belonged to her father.
I-I took it off his dead body, so it just seems weightier.
Understood.
- It's a lovely gesture.
- It is.
I will undertake the "ensmallening.
" [LAUGHS.]
Good.
Thanks, that's great.
Um, if your fiancée ever considers parting with this piece, please do come and see me.
Why, is it valuable? - It is.
- Oh, really? Well, not wanting to appear motivated by money, how much money would you say it's worth? I'd offer £4,000.
- Shit off.
- Indeed.
At least it's not wood.
So will you do that for me, please? Go to Macready's, persuade the guy to keep it open.
- Of course.
- Thank you.
Now, have you ever seen an old man soil himself? - No.
- Well, I have.
Twice.
You never forget it.
Understood.
Well, I'll I'll see you on the other twice? Okay.
Ally, Ally, I need to tell you something.
What are you doing? You're putting a fucking second load on.
What are you we need to go.
No, we don't.
It's chucking it down.
What is wrong with you? Ava says that's not her giraffe and wants to know what you've done with the real one - and why you've lied to her.
- Dad, all done? - Yes.
- Mm-hmm.
Although to be honest, it's more of an arbitrary cutoff point these days.
So we can go, right? We can we can still make it on to - [WASHER BEEPS.]
- Ally.
Leave what you're doing.
Please, let's get going.
No! It's pitching it down outside.
- Just stop it.
- Daddy.
- What? - I need another poo.
Fuck! Right.
I'm going to the park to get a picture with this twat if it kills me, and all you fuckers.
[DOOR SLAMS.]
[SPACEY MUSIC.]
Oh.
♪♪ - Hey.
- Hey.
So this was your big proposal, was it? Your dad told me.
He's not exactly spy material, Jim.
It was going to be so perfect, Ally.
It's all ruined now.
- Paul - Yes.
What are you doing? Trying to shake things up, be a bit more bold, like Michael was.
And now you've lost him, so I suppose all this is really just about trying to create some stability.
For who? I've never cared about marriage.
You know that.
Except for that one time you got married.
To Liam.
Liam Liam was not the one.
He was bossy and fussy and flaky and boring, and he tried to tell me what to wear and how to behave.
He wanted to change me, and you've never tried to do that.
Oh, Christ, no.
Did you at least get a ring that wouldn't rot this time? - You're such a prick.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Yep.
- [BOTH LAUGH.]
No trees were harmed in the making of this ring.
Wow, that's my dad's ring.
Yeah.
- Had it "ensmallened.
" - Is that a word? No.
Okay, come on.
Oh, what happened there? Was that was that a yes? Did you just engage yourself to me? - Mm-hmm.
- [WARM MUSIC.]
Really? At the end of the day, Paul, I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy, asking him to get in the fucking car.
Come on.
Come on! ♪♪