Buffy the Vampire Slayer s02e04 Episode Script
Inca Mummy Girl
In every generation there is a Chosen One, She alone will stand against the vampires,|the demons and the forces of darkness, She is the Slayer, - This is so unfair.
|- I don't think it's that bad.
It's the übersuck.
|Mom could have at least warned me.
A lot of parents are doing it.
|It's part of this cultural-exchange megillah.
- The exhibit.
The dance.
|- I have the best costume for the dance.
A stranger in my house for two weeks.
I'm gonna be insane.
A danger|to myself and others within three days! I think the exchange-student|programme's cool.
I do! It's a beautiful melding of two cultures.
Have you ever done|an exchange programme? My dad tried to sell me|to some Armenians once.
Does that count? Ooh! There's mine.
Sven.
Isn't he lunchable?|Mine's definitely the best.
- What are you looking at?|- Our exchange students.
So how's yours? Visually, I mean.
I don't know.
Guy-like.
By guy-like, we are talking|big, beefy guy-like girls, right? I was just told "guy".
You didn't look at him first?|He could be dogly.
You live on the edge! Hold on a sec.
So this person who's|living with you for two weeks is a man? With man parts? This is a terrible idea.
What about the beautiful|melding of two cultures? There's no melding, OK?|He better keep his parts to himself.
What's he doing? That's Rodney Munson.
|He's God's gift to the bell curve.
What he lacks in smarts,|he makes up in lack-of-smarts.
You just don't like him cos of that time|he beat you up every day for five years.
Yeah.
I'm irrational that way.
- I better stop him before he gets in trouble.
|- I got it.
Non-violence is probably better.
I wasn't gonna use violence.
|I don't always use violence.
- Do I?|- The important thing is you believe that.
What are you Oh, Willow, hi.
That's probably not something you|should be doing.
You could get in trouble.
Oh, no.
And they might|kick me out of school? Are we still on for our chem tutorial? Yeah.
I think I got almost|all 14 natural elements memorised.
There are 103.
Welcome, students.
We shall now|proceed into the Incan burial chamber.
The human sacrifice is about to begin.
Typical museum trick.
Promise|human sacrifice.
Deliver old pots and pans.
.
.
to become their princess.
I hope this story ends with|"And she lived happily ever after.
" No, I think it ends with "And she became|a scary, discoloured, shrivelled mummy.
" The Incan people sacrificed their|princess to the mountain god, Sabancaya, an offering buried alive|for eternity in this dark tomb.
They could have at least wrapped her in those|nice, white bandages - like in the movies.
The princess remained there,|protected only by a cursed seal .
.
placed there as a warning|to any who would wake her.
So, when's exchange-o boy|making his appearance? His name's Ampata.
|He'll be at the bus station tomorrow night.
Oooh! The Sunnydale bus depot.
Classy! What a way to introduce someone|to our county - with the stench of urine.
Now, if you'll follow me this way, please.
Cool! Damn! - So can I go?|- I think not.
- How come?|- Because you are the Chosen One.
Just this once, I'd like|to be the Overlooked One.
Well, I'm afraid that is not - You have responsibilities.
|- Oh! I know this one! "Slaying entails certain sacrifices, blah, blah,|bitty blah.
I'm so stuffy, give me a scone.
" It's as if you know me.
Your secret identity will be difficult to|maintain while this student is living with you.
Not .
.
with her.
In the same house as her.
Am I the only one who's objective|enough to make that distinction? So, going to the dance like a normal person|would be the best way to keep that secret.
Giles, come on! Budge.
|No one likes an un-budger.
Fine! - Go.
|- Yay! I win.
I'll just go and introduce|my shoulder to an ice pack.
So I guess we're dance-bound.
Cool.
I think|I can get my mom's car, so I'm Wheel Man.
- I thought you were taking Willow?|- Yeah, I am.
But I'm not gonna "take" Willow|in the sense of "take me".
With you, everybody's safe.
|Without you, we're two.
Ah.
And we enter dateville.
|Romance, flowers.
Lips.
Oh, come on.
In all the years you've known|Willow, you've never thought about her lips? Buffy, I love Willow|and she's my best friend, .
.
which makes her not the kind of girl|who I think about her lips that much.
She's the kind of girl|that I'm best friends with.
Hey, guys.
Willow! Hi!|We were just talking about happy things.
Like the three of us|going to the dance together, see? Happy.
Not happy.
No.
Yes.
No.
Rodney's missing.
Trouble with Mr Munson again? His parents say he never|came home last night.
I don't think I saw Rodney|on the bus back from the field trip.
I didn't either.
|I hope he didn't get in trouble at the museum.
Hey, maybe he awakened the mummy.
Right, and it rose from its tomb.
And attacked him.
On the other hand, maybe Rodney|just stepped out for a smoke.
- For 21 hours?|- It's addictive, you know.
We'll deal with that|when we've ruled out evil curses.
One day I'm gonna live in a town where evil|curses are just ruled out without even saying.
- Where was the seal?|- It was right here.
And it's broken.
- Does that mean the mummy's loose?|- No.
Comfy as ever.
Look at this series of pictograms.
- OK.
I just saved us, right?|- Something did.
We'll fret about the details later.
Let's|just get out of here before he comes back.
Giles, .
.
were the Incas very advanced? Yes.
Yes, very.
Did they have orthodontists? Rodney looked like he had been dead|for 500 years.
How could that be? Maybe we should ask that crazy man|with the big old knife.
I don't think he seemed overly chatty.
The way he bolted when he saw Rodney,|I'd say he was as freaked as we were.
My resources on the subject are limited.
I gather this mummy was from the Sabancaya|region of eastern Peru.
It's very remote.
- If there's an answer, then it's locked in|- In the seal.
It could take me weeks|to translate these pictograms.
- Well, we'll start tonight with|- Ampata.
- I was gonna suggest hunting.
|- No, I'm late.
I'm picking him up.
Buffy, where are your priorities? Finding a mummifying killer or making time|for a Latin lover skilled in breaking hearts? Ampata's alone.
|I don't know how good his English is.
He's from South South America.
- Maybe he could translate the seal.
|- Oh, yeah.
Fall for the old "let me translate|that ancient seal" come-on.
Do you know how many times I've used that? Ampata! Ampata! Hello? - 40 minutes late.
Welcome to America.
|- What if he left already? Ampata! Ampata Gutierrez? Do we have to speak Spanish|when we see him? Cos I don't know anything much|besides "Doritos" and "Chihuahua".
- Ampata!|- Here.
Hello.
I am Ampata.
Ay caramba! I can also say that.
Dining room.
And this - .
.
is kitchen.
|- It's very good.
Yeah, you got your stove, your fridge.
|It's fully functional.
We're very into it.
- Would you like a drink?|- Let's see.
We've got milk and older milk.
- Juice?|- Please.
So, Ampata, .
.
you're a girl.
Yes.
For many years now.
And not a boy.
Cos we thought a boy was|coming, and here you are in a girl way.
It's just one of those crazy mix-ups, Will.
- So, have you ever been to America before?|- Uh I have toured.
Where did you go? I was taken to Atlanta, Boston, New York.
New York! That's exciting.
|What was that like? I did not see so much.
Your English is very bueno, - I listen much.
|- That works out well because I talk much.
Hey.
- Sorry about the teeniness of the room.
|- My old one was much smaller.
What's it like back home? Cramped and very dead.
Well, you'll feel right at home in Sunnydale.
Oh, no! But But you have so much here.
How about friends? They're It is just me.
I've been there.
But, hey,|you'll meet lots of people tomorrow.
Thank you.
You must teach me|everything about your life.
I want to fit in, Buffy.
|Just like you.
A normal life.
One normal life coming up.
Devon, I told you I'd be at the dance tonight|but I am not one of your groupies.
I won't be all doe-eyed, looking up at you,|standing at the edge of the stage.
- Got it.
|- So, I'll see you afterwards? - Sure.
Where do you wanna meet?|- I'll be standing at the edge of the stage.
With that guy? Sven.
Momento, Needa.
This student exchange|has been a horrible nightmare.
They don't even speak American.
So I'll see you later? Bye.
Sven! Come! - Oz, man.
What do you think?|- Of what? Cordelia, man! She's a wonderland tour.
- You gotta admit, the girl is hot.
|- Yeah, she's a hot girl.
Let me guess.
Not your type?|What does a girl have to do to impress you? Well, it involves a feather boa|and the theme to A Summer Place, - I can't discuss it here.
|- You're too picky.
Do you know how many girls you could|have? You're lead guitar.
It's currency.
I'm not picky.
You're just impressed|by any pretty girl that can walk and talk.
She doesn't have to talk.
I worked really hard on my costume.
|It's pretty cool.
OK, but what about me? I gotta think.
A celebration of cultures has|lots of dress-up alternatives.
And an equal number|of mocking alternatives, all aimed at me.
- Bavarians are cool.
|- OK.
No shirts with ruffles, .
.
no hats with feathers|and definitely no lederhosen.
They make my calves look fat.
Why are you suddenly so worried|about looking like an idiot? That came out wrong.
Your first day at school.
Nervous? It is more people|than I have seen in a long time.
Don't worry.
|You'll have no problems making friends.
As a matter of fact,|I know someone who's dying to meet you.
How do you do? I was wondering if you could translate this? That was in no way awkward.
- Is something wrong?|- No.
It is - Why are you asking me?|- Well, uh It's an artefact from your region.
It's from the tomb|of an Incan mummy, actually.
We're trying to translate it|as a project for our, um Our archaeology club.
- Very good.
|- It is broken.
Where are the other pieces? That's all we found.
It's very old.
Valuable.
- You should hide it.
|- Is there anything you recognise here? This, um|This chappie with a knife, for instance.
Well, I do not know exactly.
But I think this represents .
.
I believe the word is bodyguard? Bodyguard? Interesting.
Legend has it that he guards the mummy|against those who would disturb her.
Well.
Yes, that's a very good|starting point for our, um club.
Oh! And as club president, I have lots to do.
Lots of stuff.
Dull stuff.
- Willow, maybe you could|- Stay with Ampata for the day.
I'd love to.
Yes.
That will be fun.
I'll continue with the translation.
|Buffy, you research this bodyguard thing.
And, Willow Willow! Boy, they really like each other.
And this .
.
is called a snack food.
- Snack food?|- It's a delicious, spongy, golden cake, .
.
stuffed with a delightful,|creamy white substance of goodness.
And here's how you eat it.
Oh, but now I cannot try it.
That's why you bring two.
Here goes.
Good, huh? The exciting part is they have|no ingredients that a human can pronounce.
So it doesn't leave you with|that heavy "food feeling" in your stomach.
- You are strange.
|- Girls always tell me that .
.
right before they run away.
- I like it.
|- I like you like it.
Please, don't learn from my English.
Ha! Or possible ha.
Do you think this matches? Hey! Yes.
I'm caring about mummies.
Ampata's only staying two weeks.
Yeah.
And then Xander can find|someone else who's not me to obsess about.
At least with you|I knew he didn't have a shot.
Well, you know, I have a choice.
I can spend my life waiting for Xander|to go out with every other girl in the world .
.
until he notices me .
.
or I can just get on with my life.
Good for you.
Well, I didn't choose yet.
Good Lord.
Good work.
- My work?|- Yes.
This is most illuminating.
It seems Rodney's killer|might be the mummy.
- Where does it say that?|- Well, here.
It implies that the mummy is capable|of feeding on the life force of a person.
Effectively freeze-dying them,|you might say.
- Extraordinary.
|- So we just have to stop the mummy.
Which leads to the question,|how do we (a) find and (b) stop the mummy? The answer to that is somewhere still in here.
Or in the rest of the seal.
You stole the seal! Where is it? It is you.
- Here you are.
|- Thank you.
Why is this guy so into us?|I mean, what's he want? - He said "Give me the seal.
"|- This is more popular than we realised.
I just don't know what we should do with it.
Destroy it.
If you do not, someone could die.
I'm afraid someone already has.
- The man with the knife killed someone?|- Uh, no.
Well not exactly.
You are not telling me everything.
You're right, Ampata.
And it's time we do.
We're not an archaeology club.
We're in We're in the crime club, which is like the|chess club, only with crime and no chess.
Please understand me.
That seal nearly|got us killed.
It must be destroyed! Ampata! Ampata, listen to me.
|Nobody's gonna hurt you.
I won't let them.
Your investigation is dangerous.
|I do not want that.
Just normal life! Is she OK? Wigged.
I'm trying to convince her|that our lives aren't just danger around here.
- You should take her to the dance.
|- Good idea.
We'll all go.
- No, I mean just you.
|- But you were psyched.
And your costume.
I'll see you there.
You know what, Willow?|You're my best friend.
I know.
I don't get it.
Why would the bodyguard|have such a jones for a broken piece of rock? Well, um Perhaps he needs to put it together|with the other pieces.
If he has them.
I mean, we didn't find them.
If he didn't,|then they'd still be at the museum.
So maybe we should go there and find them.
|Odds are he'll show up too, right? And hopefully, we'll be ready.
Hey! Look at us!|We came up with a plan.
A good plan.
- We'll meet there tonight after it closes.
|- No! Bad plan.
I have other plans.
Dance plans.
Cancel plans.
OK.
I have something to tell you.
And it's kind of a secret|and it's a little bit scary.
I like you a lot.
And I want you to go with me to the dance.
Why was that so scary? Well, you never know|if a girl's gonna say yes .
.
or laugh in your face|and pull out your heart .
.
and crush it into the ground with her heel.
Then you are very courageous.
- Can I tell you a secret?|- Yeah.
- I like you, too.
|- Really? - Really.
|- That's great! Really? - Really.
|- That's great! You're not a praying mantis, are you? Sorry.
Someone else.
- I will return to you.
|- Where are you going? Where you cannot follow.
I'll wait outside.
I beg you - .
.
do not kill me.
|- You are already dead.
For 500 years.
But it was not fair.
I was innocent.
The people you kill now so that|you may live they are innocent.
Please.
- I am in love.
|- You are the Chosen One.
You must die.
You have no choice.
Yes, I do.
I have thought.
The dance? I will go with you.
Gladly.
Buffy, I do not have any lipstick.
You can borrow mine.
|There's some on the desk.
- What is that?|- The station sent the rest of your stuff.
Of course.
I forgot all about it.
- I will unpack it later.
|- No worries.
I can do it.
But you must get ready for the dance.
- I'm not going.
|- Why not? I have work to do.
Crime club work.
|It's nothing for you to worry about.
Oh, I am not worried, thanks to Xander.
- He seems very happy around you.
|- I am happy, too.
Mmm This one? Oh, no.
That clashes.
|There should be a gold one there.
Thank you.
You're always thinking|of others before yourself.
You remind me of someone from|very long ago.
The Inca princess.
Cool.
A princess.
They told her that she was the only one.
That only she could defend her people|from the nether world.
Out of all the girls in her generation,|she was the only one - Chosen.
|- You know the story? It's fairly familiar.
She was 16, like us.
She was offered|as a sacrifice and went to her death.
Who knows what she had to give up|to fulfil her duty to others? What chance at love? Who knows? I'll unpack the rest of your stuff.
No, really.
Let me.
That's Xander and Willow.
I'll get it.
- I have come for the dance.
|- And what culture are you? I'm from the county of Leone.
It's in Italy, pretending to be Montana.
- Are you from the county of white trash?|- Mm.
New line-up.
You and Willow are taking Ampata.
|Giles and I are hunting mummies.
- Where's you and Willow?|- She's not coming with us.
Oh! On a date.
Romance.
Lips.
Hello, Xander.
I can translate American salivating boy-talk.
|He says you're beautiful.
You're welcome.
Ampata, don't you look wonderful! Oh, I wish you could talk my daughter|into going with you.
I tried, but she is very stubborn.
Well, I'm glad someone else sees that.
Well, good night, then.
- Be careful.
|- I will.
Hey! You look good.
Look at that.
Two days in America and Ampata|already seems like she belongs here.
She's really fitting in.
Yeah.
How about that.
Oh! Near faux pas.
I almost wore the same thing.
- Hey.
Where's Sven?|- I keep trying to ditch him.
He's like those dogs you leave|at the Grand Canyon on vacation.
They follow you back across four states.
See? My own speechless human boomerang.
He's kinda cute.
|Maybe it's nice skipping all that small talk.
Small talk.
How about simple instructions? Get punchy.
You.
Fruit drinky.
He can follow me.
Maybe I should have worn something sexy.
Wow.
You guys look great.
- I love your costume.
It's very authentic.
|- Thanks.
Yeah.
You look, um snug.
That's what I was going for.
Where's Buffy? Thank heavens you're home.
Yep.
Not at the dance.
|Not with my friends.
Not with a life.
Why are you here?|We were meeting later to find the bodyguard.
No.
He's already been found|in the school rest room, mummified.
Why would the mummy|kill her own bodyguard? Well, I've cross-referenced|and I've looked at the pictograms anew.
He was a guard, but it was his job to ensure|that the mummy didn't awaken and escape.
So Ampata translated it wrong? Perhaps.
Hold on a sec.
She was wiggy|about the seal from minute one.
Yes, I suppose she was.
- Her trunks!|- I beg your pardon? It's definitely all boys' clothes.
Why would a girl pack these? How about this one? What kind of girl|travels with a mummified corpse .
.
and doesn't even pack lipstick? Do you, um Would you like to, uh - You know.
|- I'd love to dance.
Hey.
That girl.
Who is she? She's an exchange student.
|I think she's from South America.
No, not her.
The Eskimo.
- Come on! Can't you put your foot down?|- It is down.
One of these days|you're gonna have to get a grown-up car.
OK.
At least I can rule out something I said.
I should have guessed.
|Ampata wanted us to hide the seal.
Then she wanted us to destroy it because Oh, wait! Uh waiting.
Well, we already know that the seal|was used to contain the mummy.
If breaking it freed her Reassembling it will trap her.
I'll go to the museum.
I'll drop you off.
|I'll try and piece together the fragments there.
OK.
I'll still get Xander before|he gets smoochy with mummy dearest.
Have you seen Ampata? - What was that?|- I shrugged.
Next time you should probably say "shrug".
Sigh.
I thought this exchange|would be a great deal.
But look what I got stuck with!|"Momento", "Punchy fruity drinky".
Is Cordelia even from this county? Your hands feel kinda rough.
Aren't you with Xander? Does it look like I'm with Xander? Ampata! That's my cue to leave.
There you are.
Why'd you run away? Because I do not deserve you.
What You think that you don't deserve me? Man, I love you! Are those tears of joy? Pain? Revulsion? I am very happy.
And very sad.
Then talk to me.
Let me know what's wrong.
I can't.
Hey, I know why you can't tell me.
It's a secret, right?|And if you told me, you'd have to kill me.
Oh! That was a bad joke.
And the delivery was off, too.
I'm sorry.
I, uh I'm sorry.
No! I can't.
Xander, I'm so sorry.
"Inca cosmology unites|the bird head with its paler twin.
" Oh, here.
Its paler twin.
The seal.
- Where's Xander?|- He's looking for Ampata.
We need to find him.
Ampata's the mummy.
Oh Good Xander! - Where'd they go?|- Backstage, I think.
Hey, I Who is that girl? Are you OK? I think so.
Boy, that was some kiss.
- Where's Ampata?|- She said something about the seal.
- The seal.
Giles! Come on.
|- What's going on? - He doesn't know?|- We'll tell him on the way.
There.
That's it.
Just one more piece.
I'll say one thing for you Incan mummies.
|You don't kiss and tell.
Looks like you've been|keeping secrets from me, - You're not a normal girl.
|- And you are? This won't hurt.
Let her go! If you're gonna kiss anybody,|it should be me.
Xander, we can be together.
Just Just let me have this one.
- That's never gonna happen.
|- I must do it.
I must do it now,|or it is the end for me and for us.
No! You want life|you're gonna have to take mine.
Can you do that? Yes.
I'm really the fun-talking guy today, huh? - Sorry.
|- That's OK.
You don't have to talk.
I just, present company excluded, .
.
I have the worst taste in women|of anyone in the world.
Ever.
Ampata wasn't evil.
At least not to begin with.
And I do think she cared about you.
Yeah, but that "sucking the life out of people"|thing would have been a problem.
She was gypped.
She was just a girl|and she had her life taken away from her.
I remember how I felt when I heard|the prophecy that I was gonna die.
I wasn't exactly obsessed|with doing the right thing.
Yeah, but you did.
You gave up your life.
I had you to bring me back.
|- I don't think it's that bad.
It's the übersuck.
|Mom could have at least warned me.
A lot of parents are doing it.
|It's part of this cultural-exchange megillah.
- The exhibit.
The dance.
|- I have the best costume for the dance.
A stranger in my house for two weeks.
I'm gonna be insane.
A danger|to myself and others within three days! I think the exchange-student|programme's cool.
I do! It's a beautiful melding of two cultures.
Have you ever done|an exchange programme? My dad tried to sell me|to some Armenians once.
Does that count? Ooh! There's mine.
Sven.
Isn't he lunchable?|Mine's definitely the best.
- What are you looking at?|- Our exchange students.
So how's yours? Visually, I mean.
I don't know.
Guy-like.
By guy-like, we are talking|big, beefy guy-like girls, right? I was just told "guy".
You didn't look at him first?|He could be dogly.
You live on the edge! Hold on a sec.
So this person who's|living with you for two weeks is a man? With man parts? This is a terrible idea.
What about the beautiful|melding of two cultures? There's no melding, OK?|He better keep his parts to himself.
What's he doing? That's Rodney Munson.
|He's God's gift to the bell curve.
What he lacks in smarts,|he makes up in lack-of-smarts.
You just don't like him cos of that time|he beat you up every day for five years.
Yeah.
I'm irrational that way.
- I better stop him before he gets in trouble.
|- I got it.
Non-violence is probably better.
I wasn't gonna use violence.
|I don't always use violence.
- Do I?|- The important thing is you believe that.
What are you Oh, Willow, hi.
That's probably not something you|should be doing.
You could get in trouble.
Oh, no.
And they might|kick me out of school? Are we still on for our chem tutorial? Yeah.
I think I got almost|all 14 natural elements memorised.
There are 103.
Welcome, students.
We shall now|proceed into the Incan burial chamber.
The human sacrifice is about to begin.
Typical museum trick.
Promise|human sacrifice.
Deliver old pots and pans.
.
.
to become their princess.
I hope this story ends with|"And she lived happily ever after.
" No, I think it ends with "And she became|a scary, discoloured, shrivelled mummy.
" The Incan people sacrificed their|princess to the mountain god, Sabancaya, an offering buried alive|for eternity in this dark tomb.
They could have at least wrapped her in those|nice, white bandages - like in the movies.
The princess remained there,|protected only by a cursed seal .
.
placed there as a warning|to any who would wake her.
So, when's exchange-o boy|making his appearance? His name's Ampata.
|He'll be at the bus station tomorrow night.
Oooh! The Sunnydale bus depot.
Classy! What a way to introduce someone|to our county - with the stench of urine.
Now, if you'll follow me this way, please.
Cool! Damn! - So can I go?|- I think not.
- How come?|- Because you are the Chosen One.
Just this once, I'd like|to be the Overlooked One.
Well, I'm afraid that is not - You have responsibilities.
|- Oh! I know this one! "Slaying entails certain sacrifices, blah, blah,|bitty blah.
I'm so stuffy, give me a scone.
" It's as if you know me.
Your secret identity will be difficult to|maintain while this student is living with you.
Not .
.
with her.
In the same house as her.
Am I the only one who's objective|enough to make that distinction? So, going to the dance like a normal person|would be the best way to keep that secret.
Giles, come on! Budge.
|No one likes an un-budger.
Fine! - Go.
|- Yay! I win.
I'll just go and introduce|my shoulder to an ice pack.
So I guess we're dance-bound.
Cool.
I think|I can get my mom's car, so I'm Wheel Man.
- I thought you were taking Willow?|- Yeah, I am.
But I'm not gonna "take" Willow|in the sense of "take me".
With you, everybody's safe.
|Without you, we're two.
Ah.
And we enter dateville.
|Romance, flowers.
Lips.
Oh, come on.
In all the years you've known|Willow, you've never thought about her lips? Buffy, I love Willow|and she's my best friend, .
.
which makes her not the kind of girl|who I think about her lips that much.
She's the kind of girl|that I'm best friends with.
Hey, guys.
Willow! Hi!|We were just talking about happy things.
Like the three of us|going to the dance together, see? Happy.
Not happy.
No.
Yes.
No.
Rodney's missing.
Trouble with Mr Munson again? His parents say he never|came home last night.
I don't think I saw Rodney|on the bus back from the field trip.
I didn't either.
|I hope he didn't get in trouble at the museum.
Hey, maybe he awakened the mummy.
Right, and it rose from its tomb.
And attacked him.
On the other hand, maybe Rodney|just stepped out for a smoke.
- For 21 hours?|- It's addictive, you know.
We'll deal with that|when we've ruled out evil curses.
One day I'm gonna live in a town where evil|curses are just ruled out without even saying.
- Where was the seal?|- It was right here.
And it's broken.
- Does that mean the mummy's loose?|- No.
Comfy as ever.
Look at this series of pictograms.
- OK.
I just saved us, right?|- Something did.
We'll fret about the details later.
Let's|just get out of here before he comes back.
Giles, .
.
were the Incas very advanced? Yes.
Yes, very.
Did they have orthodontists? Rodney looked like he had been dead|for 500 years.
How could that be? Maybe we should ask that crazy man|with the big old knife.
I don't think he seemed overly chatty.
The way he bolted when he saw Rodney,|I'd say he was as freaked as we were.
My resources on the subject are limited.
I gather this mummy was from the Sabancaya|region of eastern Peru.
It's very remote.
- If there's an answer, then it's locked in|- In the seal.
It could take me weeks|to translate these pictograms.
- Well, we'll start tonight with|- Ampata.
- I was gonna suggest hunting.
|- No, I'm late.
I'm picking him up.
Buffy, where are your priorities? Finding a mummifying killer or making time|for a Latin lover skilled in breaking hearts? Ampata's alone.
|I don't know how good his English is.
He's from South South America.
- Maybe he could translate the seal.
|- Oh, yeah.
Fall for the old "let me translate|that ancient seal" come-on.
Do you know how many times I've used that? Ampata! Ampata! Hello? - 40 minutes late.
Welcome to America.
|- What if he left already? Ampata! Ampata Gutierrez? Do we have to speak Spanish|when we see him? Cos I don't know anything much|besides "Doritos" and "Chihuahua".
- Ampata!|- Here.
Hello.
I am Ampata.
Ay caramba! I can also say that.
Dining room.
And this - .
.
is kitchen.
|- It's very good.
Yeah, you got your stove, your fridge.
|It's fully functional.
We're very into it.
- Would you like a drink?|- Let's see.
We've got milk and older milk.
- Juice?|- Please.
So, Ampata, .
.
you're a girl.
Yes.
For many years now.
And not a boy.
Cos we thought a boy was|coming, and here you are in a girl way.
It's just one of those crazy mix-ups, Will.
- So, have you ever been to America before?|- Uh I have toured.
Where did you go? I was taken to Atlanta, Boston, New York.
New York! That's exciting.
|What was that like? I did not see so much.
Your English is very bueno, - I listen much.
|- That works out well because I talk much.
Hey.
- Sorry about the teeniness of the room.
|- My old one was much smaller.
What's it like back home? Cramped and very dead.
Well, you'll feel right at home in Sunnydale.
Oh, no! But But you have so much here.
How about friends? They're It is just me.
I've been there.
But, hey,|you'll meet lots of people tomorrow.
Thank you.
You must teach me|everything about your life.
I want to fit in, Buffy.
|Just like you.
A normal life.
One normal life coming up.
Devon, I told you I'd be at the dance tonight|but I am not one of your groupies.
I won't be all doe-eyed, looking up at you,|standing at the edge of the stage.
- Got it.
|- So, I'll see you afterwards? - Sure.
Where do you wanna meet?|- I'll be standing at the edge of the stage.
With that guy? Sven.
Momento, Needa.
This student exchange|has been a horrible nightmare.
They don't even speak American.
So I'll see you later? Bye.
Sven! Come! - Oz, man.
What do you think?|- Of what? Cordelia, man! She's a wonderland tour.
- You gotta admit, the girl is hot.
|- Yeah, she's a hot girl.
Let me guess.
Not your type?|What does a girl have to do to impress you? Well, it involves a feather boa|and the theme to A Summer Place, - I can't discuss it here.
|- You're too picky.
Do you know how many girls you could|have? You're lead guitar.
It's currency.
I'm not picky.
You're just impressed|by any pretty girl that can walk and talk.
She doesn't have to talk.
I worked really hard on my costume.
|It's pretty cool.
OK, but what about me? I gotta think.
A celebration of cultures has|lots of dress-up alternatives.
And an equal number|of mocking alternatives, all aimed at me.
- Bavarians are cool.
|- OK.
No shirts with ruffles, .
.
no hats with feathers|and definitely no lederhosen.
They make my calves look fat.
Why are you suddenly so worried|about looking like an idiot? That came out wrong.
Your first day at school.
Nervous? It is more people|than I have seen in a long time.
Don't worry.
|You'll have no problems making friends.
As a matter of fact,|I know someone who's dying to meet you.
How do you do? I was wondering if you could translate this? That was in no way awkward.
- Is something wrong?|- No.
It is - Why are you asking me?|- Well, uh It's an artefact from your region.
It's from the tomb|of an Incan mummy, actually.
We're trying to translate it|as a project for our, um Our archaeology club.
- Very good.
|- It is broken.
Where are the other pieces? That's all we found.
It's very old.
Valuable.
- You should hide it.
|- Is there anything you recognise here? This, um|This chappie with a knife, for instance.
Well, I do not know exactly.
But I think this represents .
.
I believe the word is bodyguard? Bodyguard? Interesting.
Legend has it that he guards the mummy|against those who would disturb her.
Well.
Yes, that's a very good|starting point for our, um club.
Oh! And as club president, I have lots to do.
Lots of stuff.
Dull stuff.
- Willow, maybe you could|- Stay with Ampata for the day.
I'd love to.
Yes.
That will be fun.
I'll continue with the translation.
|Buffy, you research this bodyguard thing.
And, Willow Willow! Boy, they really like each other.
And this .
.
is called a snack food.
- Snack food?|- It's a delicious, spongy, golden cake, .
.
stuffed with a delightful,|creamy white substance of goodness.
And here's how you eat it.
Oh, but now I cannot try it.
That's why you bring two.
Here goes.
Good, huh? The exciting part is they have|no ingredients that a human can pronounce.
So it doesn't leave you with|that heavy "food feeling" in your stomach.
- You are strange.
|- Girls always tell me that .
.
right before they run away.
- I like it.
|- I like you like it.
Please, don't learn from my English.
Ha! Or possible ha.
Do you think this matches? Hey! Yes.
I'm caring about mummies.
Ampata's only staying two weeks.
Yeah.
And then Xander can find|someone else who's not me to obsess about.
At least with you|I knew he didn't have a shot.
Well, you know, I have a choice.
I can spend my life waiting for Xander|to go out with every other girl in the world .
.
until he notices me .
.
or I can just get on with my life.
Good for you.
Well, I didn't choose yet.
Good Lord.
Good work.
- My work?|- Yes.
This is most illuminating.
It seems Rodney's killer|might be the mummy.
- Where does it say that?|- Well, here.
It implies that the mummy is capable|of feeding on the life force of a person.
Effectively freeze-dying them,|you might say.
- Extraordinary.
|- So we just have to stop the mummy.
Which leads to the question,|how do we (a) find and (b) stop the mummy? The answer to that is somewhere still in here.
Or in the rest of the seal.
You stole the seal! Where is it? It is you.
- Here you are.
|- Thank you.
Why is this guy so into us?|I mean, what's he want? - He said "Give me the seal.
"|- This is more popular than we realised.
I just don't know what we should do with it.
Destroy it.
If you do not, someone could die.
I'm afraid someone already has.
- The man with the knife killed someone?|- Uh, no.
Well not exactly.
You are not telling me everything.
You're right, Ampata.
And it's time we do.
We're not an archaeology club.
We're in We're in the crime club, which is like the|chess club, only with crime and no chess.
Please understand me.
That seal nearly|got us killed.
It must be destroyed! Ampata! Ampata, listen to me.
|Nobody's gonna hurt you.
I won't let them.
Your investigation is dangerous.
|I do not want that.
Just normal life! Is she OK? Wigged.
I'm trying to convince her|that our lives aren't just danger around here.
- You should take her to the dance.
|- Good idea.
We'll all go.
- No, I mean just you.
|- But you were psyched.
And your costume.
I'll see you there.
You know what, Willow?|You're my best friend.
I know.
I don't get it.
Why would the bodyguard|have such a jones for a broken piece of rock? Well, um Perhaps he needs to put it together|with the other pieces.
If he has them.
I mean, we didn't find them.
If he didn't,|then they'd still be at the museum.
So maybe we should go there and find them.
|Odds are he'll show up too, right? And hopefully, we'll be ready.
Hey! Look at us!|We came up with a plan.
A good plan.
- We'll meet there tonight after it closes.
|- No! Bad plan.
I have other plans.
Dance plans.
Cancel plans.
OK.
I have something to tell you.
And it's kind of a secret|and it's a little bit scary.
I like you a lot.
And I want you to go with me to the dance.
Why was that so scary? Well, you never know|if a girl's gonna say yes .
.
or laugh in your face|and pull out your heart .
.
and crush it into the ground with her heel.
Then you are very courageous.
- Can I tell you a secret?|- Yeah.
- I like you, too.
|- Really? - Really.
|- That's great! Really? - Really.
|- That's great! You're not a praying mantis, are you? Sorry.
Someone else.
- I will return to you.
|- Where are you going? Where you cannot follow.
I'll wait outside.
I beg you - .
.
do not kill me.
|- You are already dead.
For 500 years.
But it was not fair.
I was innocent.
The people you kill now so that|you may live they are innocent.
Please.
- I am in love.
|- You are the Chosen One.
You must die.
You have no choice.
Yes, I do.
I have thought.
The dance? I will go with you.
Gladly.
Buffy, I do not have any lipstick.
You can borrow mine.
|There's some on the desk.
- What is that?|- The station sent the rest of your stuff.
Of course.
I forgot all about it.
- I will unpack it later.
|- No worries.
I can do it.
But you must get ready for the dance.
- I'm not going.
|- Why not? I have work to do.
Crime club work.
|It's nothing for you to worry about.
Oh, I am not worried, thanks to Xander.
- He seems very happy around you.
|- I am happy, too.
Mmm This one? Oh, no.
That clashes.
|There should be a gold one there.
Thank you.
You're always thinking|of others before yourself.
You remind me of someone from|very long ago.
The Inca princess.
Cool.
A princess.
They told her that she was the only one.
That only she could defend her people|from the nether world.
Out of all the girls in her generation,|she was the only one - Chosen.
|- You know the story? It's fairly familiar.
She was 16, like us.
She was offered|as a sacrifice and went to her death.
Who knows what she had to give up|to fulfil her duty to others? What chance at love? Who knows? I'll unpack the rest of your stuff.
No, really.
Let me.
That's Xander and Willow.
I'll get it.
- I have come for the dance.
|- And what culture are you? I'm from the county of Leone.
It's in Italy, pretending to be Montana.
- Are you from the county of white trash?|- Mm.
New line-up.
You and Willow are taking Ampata.
|Giles and I are hunting mummies.
- Where's you and Willow?|- She's not coming with us.
Oh! On a date.
Romance.
Lips.
Hello, Xander.
I can translate American salivating boy-talk.
|He says you're beautiful.
You're welcome.
Ampata, don't you look wonderful! Oh, I wish you could talk my daughter|into going with you.
I tried, but she is very stubborn.
Well, I'm glad someone else sees that.
Well, good night, then.
- Be careful.
|- I will.
Hey! You look good.
Look at that.
Two days in America and Ampata|already seems like she belongs here.
She's really fitting in.
Yeah.
How about that.
Oh! Near faux pas.
I almost wore the same thing.
- Hey.
Where's Sven?|- I keep trying to ditch him.
He's like those dogs you leave|at the Grand Canyon on vacation.
They follow you back across four states.
See? My own speechless human boomerang.
He's kinda cute.
|Maybe it's nice skipping all that small talk.
Small talk.
How about simple instructions? Get punchy.
You.
Fruit drinky.
He can follow me.
Maybe I should have worn something sexy.
Wow.
You guys look great.
- I love your costume.
It's very authentic.
|- Thanks.
Yeah.
You look, um snug.
That's what I was going for.
Where's Buffy? Thank heavens you're home.
Yep.
Not at the dance.
|Not with my friends.
Not with a life.
Why are you here?|We were meeting later to find the bodyguard.
No.
He's already been found|in the school rest room, mummified.
Why would the mummy|kill her own bodyguard? Well, I've cross-referenced|and I've looked at the pictograms anew.
He was a guard, but it was his job to ensure|that the mummy didn't awaken and escape.
So Ampata translated it wrong? Perhaps.
Hold on a sec.
She was wiggy|about the seal from minute one.
Yes, I suppose she was.
- Her trunks!|- I beg your pardon? It's definitely all boys' clothes.
Why would a girl pack these? How about this one? What kind of girl|travels with a mummified corpse .
.
and doesn't even pack lipstick? Do you, um Would you like to, uh - You know.
|- I'd love to dance.
Hey.
That girl.
Who is she? She's an exchange student.
|I think she's from South America.
No, not her.
The Eskimo.
- Come on! Can't you put your foot down?|- It is down.
One of these days|you're gonna have to get a grown-up car.
OK.
At least I can rule out something I said.
I should have guessed.
|Ampata wanted us to hide the seal.
Then she wanted us to destroy it because Oh, wait! Uh waiting.
Well, we already know that the seal|was used to contain the mummy.
If breaking it freed her Reassembling it will trap her.
I'll go to the museum.
I'll drop you off.
|I'll try and piece together the fragments there.
OK.
I'll still get Xander before|he gets smoochy with mummy dearest.
Have you seen Ampata? - What was that?|- I shrugged.
Next time you should probably say "shrug".
Sigh.
I thought this exchange|would be a great deal.
But look what I got stuck with!|"Momento", "Punchy fruity drinky".
Is Cordelia even from this county? Your hands feel kinda rough.
Aren't you with Xander? Does it look like I'm with Xander? Ampata! That's my cue to leave.
There you are.
Why'd you run away? Because I do not deserve you.
What You think that you don't deserve me? Man, I love you! Are those tears of joy? Pain? Revulsion? I am very happy.
And very sad.
Then talk to me.
Let me know what's wrong.
I can't.
Hey, I know why you can't tell me.
It's a secret, right?|And if you told me, you'd have to kill me.
Oh! That was a bad joke.
And the delivery was off, too.
I'm sorry.
I, uh I'm sorry.
No! I can't.
Xander, I'm so sorry.
"Inca cosmology unites|the bird head with its paler twin.
" Oh, here.
Its paler twin.
The seal.
- Where's Xander?|- He's looking for Ampata.
We need to find him.
Ampata's the mummy.
Oh Good Xander! - Where'd they go?|- Backstage, I think.
Hey, I Who is that girl? Are you OK? I think so.
Boy, that was some kiss.
- Where's Ampata?|- She said something about the seal.
- The seal.
Giles! Come on.
|- What's going on? - He doesn't know?|- We'll tell him on the way.
There.
That's it.
Just one more piece.
I'll say one thing for you Incan mummies.
|You don't kiss and tell.
Looks like you've been|keeping secrets from me, - You're not a normal girl.
|- And you are? This won't hurt.
Let her go! If you're gonna kiss anybody,|it should be me.
Xander, we can be together.
Just Just let me have this one.
- That's never gonna happen.
|- I must do it.
I must do it now,|or it is the end for me and for us.
No! You want life|you're gonna have to take mine.
Can you do that? Yes.
I'm really the fun-talking guy today, huh? - Sorry.
|- That's OK.
You don't have to talk.
I just, present company excluded, .
.
I have the worst taste in women|of anyone in the world.
Ever.
Ampata wasn't evil.
At least not to begin with.
And I do think she cared about you.
Yeah, but that "sucking the life out of people"|thing would have been a problem.
She was gypped.
She was just a girl|and she had her life taken away from her.
I remember how I felt when I heard|the prophecy that I was gonna die.
I wasn't exactly obsessed|with doing the right thing.
Yeah, but you did.
You gave up your life.
I had you to bring me back.