Buffy the Vampire Slayer s03e12 Episode Script

Helpless

- Gotcha.
|- Right in the heart.
Satisfied? I'm not sure that's the word.
OK.
- I didn't mean satisfied like|- No, I wasn't trying to Cos we're not having satisfaction|in the personal sense.
Of course.
- I should go.
Giles is|- Is waiting for you.
Yeah, I know.
Thanks.
For the work-out.
Am I going to see you this weekend? You you you probably have plans.
Right.
Birthday.
Actually, I do have a thing.
A thing.
Date? Nice attempt at casual.
Actually, I do have a date.
Older man.
Very handsome.
Likes it when I call him "Daddy".
Your father.
It is your father, right? He's taking me to the ice show.
|It should be big fun.
I could use a little fun.
This one? - Amethyst.
|- Used for? Breath mints? Charm bags, money spells,|and for cleansing one's aura.
OK.
How do you know|if one's aura is dirty? Does somebody come by|and write "wash me" on it? Buffy, I'm aware of your distaste|at studying vibratory stones, but since it is part of your training,|I would appreciate your glib-free attention.
Sorry.
It's just, with Faith on one|of her unannounced walkabouts, somebody should be patrolling.
Faith is not interested in proper|training.
So I must rely on you.
- I hate being the good one.
|- As for patrolling, you'll be there soon.
Why so anxious? I guess that I just have some energy to burn.
Well, in due time.
But, for the present, if it's not entirely beyond your capabilities,|try to concentrate.
- That looked funny.
Do it again.
|- I'll kill you for that.
For that? What were you|trying to kill me for before? OK, so here's the deal Let me know if I'm not doing this right.
A bit early in the day.
Giles, something's wrong.
Wrong? Perhaps you shouldn't do that any more.
On top of that, I got a bad case of|the dizzies and almost let a vamp stake me.
With my own stake.
I'm way off my game.
My game's left the county.
It's in|Cuernavaca.
Giles, what's going on here? Perhaps you've got|a bad flu bug or something.
No.
No, not sick.
I can't get sick.
My dad's coming to take me to the ice show.
We do it every year for my birthday.
If I cancel, it's gonna break his heart.
Well, just take it easy for 48 hours.
Forgo patrolling until you feel yourself again.
No.
No, I just need to spend|a little more time training.
- I'm gone.
|- Thank you.
An ice show? A show performed on ice.
- How old are we again?|- I went to Snoopy on Ice when I was little.
My dad took me backstage and I got|so scared I threw up on Woodstock.
I know you think it's a big,|dumb, girly thing, but it's not.
A lot of the skaters|are Olympic medal winners.
Dad buys me cotton candy and|one of those souvenir programmes and OK, it's a big, dumb, girly thing, but I love it.
It's not so girly.
Ice is cool.
|It's water, but it's not.
It's sweet you and your dad have a tradition.
Especially now that|he's not around so much.
Ixnay on the caramel corn though|if you go backstage.
But we're still talking party? Some of us still|love to relish celebrating the birth of the Buff.
I don't know.
It might be time to put|a moratorium on parties in my honour.
They tend to go badly.
|Monsters crash, people die But 18's a big one, Buffy.
I mean,|you can vote now.
You can be drafted.
You can vote not to be drafted.
I think I'll celebrate this one|with quiet reflection.
Where's it written that quiet reflection|can't be combined with cake and funny hats? Buffy? Present.
Present.
They're not.
They're from your father.
His quarterly projections are unravelling|and he can't afford to take off.
He promises to make it up to you.
|It's all right there in the letter.
If you want, I could ask somebody|to cover for me at the gallery.
I mean, if you want me to take you.
No.
No, that's not necessary.
I was just thinking it might be|nice to have a quiet birthday.
- How much longer, Hobson?|- Five, maybe six hours, sir.
Once you've finished,|you and Blair can get some rest.
But sleep in shifts.
We're getting very close.
The Slayer's preparation is nearly complete.
You know, it's not just cartoon characters.
|They do pieces from operas and ballets.
Brian Boitano doing Carmen is a life changer.
He doesn't actually play Carmen.
|But a lot of sophisticated people go.
Yes, I think we should start|with the grounding crystal again.
It's usually something|that families do together.
Look very carefully for|the tiny flaw at its core.
If someone were free, they'd take|their daughters, or their student, or their slayer.
Yes, but, Buffy, I think|we should concentrate now.
Now, look for the flaw at its centre.
Buffy? I'm sorry.
Did I zone out on you? I'm just I'm nursing that flu bug.
Best take care of that.
- Perhaps we should|- Call it a night.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Thanks.
Good night.
How's it going with Amy the rat? Good.
She loves her exercise wheel.
|She runs around, her nose wiggles I meant, how's it going changing|her back into a human being? Still working on it.
|But I just got her the cutest little bell You don't do that to me.
|I waited for you at the Bronze all night.
And the big deal is? You made me look like some|kind of dork in front of my posse.
First of all, "posse"? Passé.
Second, anyone with a teaspoon of brains|knows not to take my flirting seriously.
Especially with my|extenuating circumstances.
- What circumstances?|- Rebound.
Look it up.
- Hey, I'm not through here.
|- I beg to differ.
- What is wrong with you?|- The chick started it.
Are you OK? OK, I just got swatted down by some|no neck and rescued by Cordelia.
- What is happening?|- It will sort itself out.
Look, you're not getting the big picture|here.
I have no strength.
I have no coordination.
- I throw knives like|- A girl? Like I'm not the Slayer.
Look, Buffy, I I assure you, given time, we'll get to the bottom|of whatever's causing this anomaly.
- Promise me?|- Yes.
I give you my word.
You're having doubts, Cruciamentum is not easy.
|For Slayer or Watcher.
But it's been done this way|for a dozen centuries.
Whenever a slayer turns 18.
|It's a time-honoured rite of passage.
It's an archaic exercise in cruelty.
To lock her in this tomb,|weakened, defenceless, and to unleash that on her.
If any one of the Council still had contact|with a slayer they would see, but I'm the one in the thick of it.
You can't make this decision -|you're too close.
- That's not true.
|- A slayer is not just physical prowess.
She must have cunning, imagination.
A confidence derived from self-reliance.
And believe me, once this is all over,|your Buffy will be stronger for it.
Or she'll be dead for it.
Rupert, if this girl is everything you say,|then you've nothing to worry about.
Sir, if you can spare me for a short spell,|I'll need to make a run to the hardware store.
Take care of it.
Come along, come along.
Kralik.
Your pills.
Open your mouth.
That's enough.
Close it up.
"A curse on slayers.
" Oh, no, wait.
It's "lawyers".
Maybe we're on the wrong track with|the whole spell, curse and whammy thing.
Maybe what we should be looking for|is something like slayer kryptonite.
Faulty metaphor.
Kryptonite kills.
You assume I meant green kryptonite.
|I was referring to red kryptonite, which drains Superman of his powers.
Wrong, gold kryptonite's the power-sucker.
The red kryptonite mutates Superman into Guys? Reality? Buffy, I know you are definitely, without|a doubt, gonna get your powers back.
Thanks, Will.
But what if you don't? OK.
If I don't get my powers back, then I don't.
I'll deal.
- And there's a whole lot of good sides to it.
|- Actually, this could open up so many - Did you find anything?|- No.
Not yet.
It's your shift.
- Pills.
|- Yes.
It's coming.
Pills.
- Take them.
|- Pills.
- They're right in front of you.
|- Where? - Here.
|- I can't see can't can't reach it.
Open your eyes.
Everything's OK now.
Thank you.
It's beautiful.
- You really like it?|- Of course I do.
It's sweet and thoughtful and full of neat words to learn and say,|like "wilt" and "henceforth".
Then why did you seem more excited last|year when you got a severed arm in a box? I'm sorry.
It's just suddenly there's this chance|that my calling's a wrong number, and - it's freaking me out a little.
|- That's understandable.
Angel, what if I have lost my power? You've lived a long time without it.
|You can do it again.
I guess.
But what if I can't? I've seen too much.
I know|what goes bump in the night.
Not being able to fight it What if I just hide under my bed,|all scared and helpless? Or what if I become pathetic, hanging out at the old slayers' home,|talking about my glory days, showing them the stake I had bronzed? Buffy, you could never be helpless|or boring, not even if you tried.
Don't be so sure.
Before I was the Slayer, I was|well, I don't want to say shallow, but let's say a certain person, who will|remain nameless - we'll call her Spordelia - looked like a classical|philosopher next to me.
Angel, if I'm not the Slayer,|what do I do? What do I have to offer? Why would you like me? I saw you before you became the Slayer.
- What?|- I watched you, and I saw you called.
It was a bright afternoon,|out in front of your school.
You walked down the steps, and and I loved you.
Why? Because I could see your heart.
You held it before you for everyone to see, and I worried that it|would be bruised or torn.
And more than anything in my life I wanted|to keep it safe, to warm it with my own.
That's beautiful.
Or, taken literally, incredibly gross.
I was just thinking that too.
You're up.
I was afraid I'd drained|you too much.
I do that sometimes.
Ever have a tune you can't get out of your|head, that keeps playing over and over? It drives me nuts.
Thank you.
That is much better.
It's a game, you know.
We're not going to play by their rules,|but that doesn't mean we're not gonna play.
Why don't you call your friend in here?|We'll discuss it over dinner.
Quentin? Hello? Quentin? Hob? - She's cute.
|- Yeah.
Let's find out.
Hey, sweet girl.
How much for|a lap dance for me and my buddy? "Walk me home, Angel? No, I'm fine.
|I can take care of myself.
" Hummers.
Big turn-off.
I like guys that can remember the lyrics.
You know, I wish I could,|but my mind just isn't what it used to be.
- Let me go.
|- You didn't say "please".
Help me, somebody.
Please.
Help me, please.
Help me, please.
Somebody, please help me.
No.
Stop.
Please.
I need help.
Please stop.
Hurry.
When I hit him, it felt like my arm|was broken, it hurt so much.
I can't be just a person.
|I can't be helpless like that.
Giles, please.
We have to|figure out what's happening to me.
It's an organic compound|of muscle relaxants and adrenal suppressors.
The effect is temporary.
You'll be yourself again in a few days.
You? It's a test, Buffy.
It's given to the Slayer once she|if she reaches her 18th birthday.
The Slayer is disabled, and then entrapped with a vampire whom|she must defeat in order to pass the test.
The vampire you were to face has escaped.
His name is Zackary Kralik.
As a mortal, he murdered and tortured|more than a dozen women before he was committed to|an asylum for the criminally insane.
When a vamp You bastard.
All this time you saw|what it was doing to me.
All this time and you didn't say a word.
- I wanted to.
|- Liar.
In matters of tradition and protocol,|I must answer to the Council.
My role in this was very specific.
I was to administer the injections and to|direct you to the old boarding house - on Prescott Lane.
|- I can't I can't hear this.
Buffy, please.
Who are you? How could you do this to me? I am deeply sorry,|and you have to understand If you touch me, I'll kill you.
You have to listen to me.
Because|I've told you this, the test is invalidated.
You will be safe now, I promise.
Whatever I have to do to deal with Kralik - and to win back your trust|- You stuck a needle in me.
You poisoned me.
What's going on? Oh, God.
Is the world ending?|I have to research a paper on Bosnia, but if the world's ending,|I'm not gonna bother.
You can't walk home alone,|Buffy.
It isn't safe.
I don't know you.
Did something take her memory? He's Giles.
Gi-les.
He hangs out here a lot.
Cordelia, could you please drive me home? Of course.
But if the world doesn't end,|I'm gonna need a note.
Buffy? Mother.
Mother.
May I call you Mother? My own mother was a person|with no self-respect of her own, so she tried to take mine.
Ten years old, she had the scissors - you|wouldn't believe what she did with those.
But she's dead to me now.
Mostly because I killed and ate her, but also because I know|I won't be alone much longer.
I'll have your daughter.
I won't kill her, I'll just make her like me.
Different.
She'll go to sleep, and when she wakes up,|your face will be the first thing she eats.
I have a problem with mothers.
|I'm aware of that.
I was just trying to reach you.
- I was on watch, by the boarding house.
|- Then you'll know what's happened.
Yes.
He's killed Hobson|and made Blair one of his own.
Your perfectly controlled test seems to have spun rather impressively|out of control, don't you think? - It changes nothing.
|- Well, then allow me.
I've told Buffy everything.
That is in opposition to the Council's orders.
Yes.
Interestingly, I don't give|a rat's arse about the Council's orders.
There will be no test.
The test has already begun.
Your slayer|entered the field of play ten minutes ago.
- Why?|- I don't know.
I returned there as she entered.
- Giles, we've no business interfering.
|- This is not business.
Hide and seek.
Hide and seek.
Why did you come|to the dark of the woods? To bring all these sweets|to Grandmother's house? Oh, no, no.
Just a little lower.
Right Oh, yes.
Yes Thank you very much.
If you stray from the path,|you will lose your way.
I won't take it all.
I won't take it all No.
No.
No.
Buffy? Buffy, we have to get out.
Where are they? Where are they? You you don't seem to|understand your place in all of this.
Do you have any idea? Oh, my.
What have you? My pills? No.
No.
If I was at full Slayer power,|I'd be punning right about now.
No.
No.
Buffy, thank God you're OK.
Oh, that man - I can't get these.
They're too tight.
|- Can't you just? Not right now.
Maybe there's|some clippers around.
Congratulations, You passed, You exhibited extraordinary courage|and clear-headedness in battle.
The Council is very pleased.
Do I get a gold star? - I understand that you're upset|- You understand nothing.
You set that monster loose|and he came after my mother.
You think the test was unfair? I think you better leave town|before I get my strength back.
We're not in the business of "fair".
|We're fighting a war.
You're waging a war.
She's fighting it.
Mr Giles, if you don't mind - The test is done.
We're finished.
|- Not quite.
She passed.
You didn't.
The Slayer is not the only one|who must perform in this situation.
I have recommended to the Council that you be relieved of your duties|as watcher immediately.
You're fired.
On what grounds? Your affection for your charge has|rendered you incapable of clear judgement.
You have a father's love for the child,|and that is useless to the cause.
It would be best if you had|no further contact with the Slayer.
- I'm not going anywhere.
|- I didn't expect you would adhere to that.
However, if you interfere with the new|watcher in any way, you will be dealt with.
- Are we clear?|- We're very clear.
Congratulations again.
Bite me.
Yes, well Colourful girl.
I can't believe Giles was fired.
|How could Giles get fired? So, how did you manage to kill Kralik? She was very clever.
- You go ahead and tell it.
You tell it better.
|- When you say fired, do you mean fired? You're not cruising past|that concept anytime soon, are ya? Well, it's just I mean, he's been fired.
|He's he's unemployed.
He's between jobs.
Giles isn't going anywhere, Will.
|He's still librarian.
- OK, but I'm writing an angry letter.
|- Nothing's really gonna change.
The important thing is that I kept up my|birthday tradition of misery and horror.
Bright side to everything? I'll just feel better when|I get my strength back.
Give you a hand with that, little lady? You're loving this far too much.
Admit it.
Sometimes you|just need a big, strong man.
Will? Give me a hand with that?
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