Buffy the Vampire Slayer s04e17 Episode Script
Superstar
Previously on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer": - Get away from me.
- Wanna point that somewhere else? You all think I'm an idiot.
A short idiot.
Faith switched.
I mean, she had some device.
She switched our bodies.
- Hi, baby.
You miss me? - I did, actually.
I love you.
You slept with her.
I was created to kill.
To extinguish life wherever I find it.
Tell us what to do.
Xander! Anya! Buffy, another one! Buffy! - Where's the other one? - Scampered like a bunny.
In there.
I don't care if it is an orgy of death.
There's still such a thing as a napkin.
A nest.
No biggie.
I bet I could do it.
I know I could take at least two.
Yes, and we could run for help while the others suck your heart out through your neck.
You're right.
It's too many forjust us.
You know who we need? Hi.
We have a problem.
Sounds like you could use my help.
A quick draw's about more than speed.
It's also about pointing a stake the right way.
And there can be splinter issues.
It is a true test of dexterity.
- Can you open this? - No, I tear it and it gets all sloshy.
Thanks for doing this, Jonathan.
I wouldn't ask, but Hey, don't worry about it.
Nest full of vampires, you come get me.
OK.
Box full of puppies? That's more of ajudgment call.
Hit me! You got me.
It was very punchy.
Watch out for southpaws, Buff.
Don't let 'em surprise you.
Can't find a reference to any rituals.
Seems more like a family meal, ifyou will.
And they say no one needs to have the TV on any more.
Thanks, Rupert.
It's good to know we're not walkin' into some unholy feast or other.
Oh, Jonathan.
I'm in.
Schematics for the crypt.
Part ofthe original plan for the cemetery.
Sometimes there's a Oh, no back way in.
Just the one entrance.
Well, maybe we could make it work for us.
We could stake out the entrance.
- Maybe use a decoy.
Lure 'em out.
- Or I bet - There! I can get in that way.
- Oh, of course! Why didn't I think ofthat? I'm sure you would have.
I think we have a plan.
Buffy, you go in first.
Let 'em get a look at a slayer.
Xander and The Nimzowitsch Defence.
Let's see if I remember.
Mate in four.
You almost got me that time, Rupert.
Xander, Willow and Anya, you back up Buffy.
I'll be the surprise guest.
Everyone, let's show these fiends that they came to the wrong town.
Buffy, he's getting away! - I should've gotten that one.
- You got two ofthem.
And that second one was ready for ya.
- You should feel good.
- But I let one get by.
Don't worry.
You know it only matters that you do your best.
But that's just it.
I don't think it was my best.
Hey, Jonathan, over here! A quick photo, please! - A couple more, a couple more.
- OK, guys, that's enough.
I think we did great.
We knocked 'em dead.
Which they already were.
We knocked 'em deader.
Ifthey'd all rushed at Buffy, they could've killed her right away.
Thanks.
That won't keep me awake.
Vampires only form nests to make hunting easier.
They're not big on the cooperation.
They mostly like to hang out all creepy and alone in the shadows.
Don't you agree, Spike? Well, well! The man himself.
- What are you doing here? - I live here.
I wasn't pining for a visit from Wonder Jonathan and his Fluffy Battle Kittens.
Yeah? You think that one up with all the time you're not able to bite people? Careful.
He's still pretty dangerous.
- Yeah, back off, Betty.
- It's Buffy, you big bleached stupid guy.
Spike, you're the worst type of scum.
The second you're back to your old tricks, Iet's say, before you even sniff out a victim, you'll be pretty indistinguishable from Oh, what should we say? lnstant soup mix.
Next thing I know, this crazed vamp is, like, running right at me, and I know that if he gets past me there's no telling who's in danger next.
Come on, you have fun.
Admit it.
Living the Scooby life.
I was goin' for a kind of stoic bravery, but yeah.
And it was exciting, with the ceiling coming in and everything.
Oh, that's a cute one.
- And Buffy, she was OK? - Oh, she was great! Twang! Poof! That was the sound: crossbow, vampire dusting She was a little cranky that she missed that one vamp.
I kind of meant personally.
That whole thing with Faith.
That freaked me out and I was just sensing it from a distance.
Oh, yeah.
I know she's not over the whole Riley-sleeping-with-Faith thing.
You know, Faith's insides and Buffy's outsides, when her insides were out.
I hope they'll be OK.
I'm sure it'll blow over.
They're probably all with the smoochies right now.
- You must be feeling better.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm a lot stronger.
I mean, I'm no Jonathan, but I'm doing OK.
Are you? I mean, you're not? What? Eating the lnitiative's technicolour food of strongness? No.
They swear they've stopped treating the food, but I'm not takin' the chance.
You know, l, uh, I don't know ifthat means I'll get weaker or dumber or smarter.
They're not big with the disclosure, huh? They still haven't released a profile on Adam.
And we're having zero luck trackin' him.
Ifthey'd just put a little trust in me, I know I could get the job done.
I've felt that way my entire life.
You'd think I could do that.
Guess it takes different muscles than demon beheading.
You just need a few pointers.
Now, if slaying was a competitive sport, I'd have a chance.
You know, we could have figure staking and speed staking.
I Sorry.
This just isn't my game.
I gotta It's all Faith's fault.
She's like poison.
No, worse, she's like acid that eats through everything.
Maybe she's a bomb.
The point is, everything was going along great with Riley, and then she comes along and messes everything up.
Buffy, you know what I think? I don't think this is about you being angry with Faith.
I think you're angry with Riley.
- Riley? - Could you, please? Sure.
I mean, you have this amazing connection with him, and then at the one moment when it matters the most, he looks into your eyes, and he doesn't even see that it's not you looking back at him.
There's no way he could know.
I mean, you don'tjust look at someone and say: "That's not your body! Get out ofthat body with your hands up!" I know you know that.
But you have to believe it.
Buffy, ifthere's any part ofyou that's blaming Riley for what happened, it seems like there's a part ofyou that needs to forgive him.
You're Jonathan Levinson! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! My name is Karen and I think you're you're wonderful! Oh, my God! Hi, Karen.
Thank you.
Oh, is that my book? Well, I could Yeah, please.
I didn't wanna bother you.
It's Karen with a K.
Thank you! So much! Thanks! So what do you think, Buffy? I mean, if I'm wrong, smack me.
Karen with a K will lend you a book, and it's pretty heavy.
Maybe I have been blaming him.
But how do I get past it? What if it's too late? What if after all this he doesn't want me any more? He does.
It's not gonna be easy, Buffy, but you guys are very special together.
That's worth a little hard work.
But I'm not even sure if I know how to talk to him any more.
How do I make it OK again? Ifyou really want it, you can make anything happen.
For those ofyou who don't already know, my name is Colonel George Haviland.
I'm commanding officer here until such time as the facility review is completed.
This review does not mean our primary mission is changed in any way.
Recovery ofthe hostile known as Adam is our first and most importantjob.
To this end, I've asked our tactical consultant here to address us today.
Mr Levinson.
- Thank you, Colonel.
- It's about time we brought out the big guns.
Men, before we can locate Adam, we need to understand him better.
And there's somethin' that's bothered me almost from the start.
He doesn't eat.
We've known him to kill, but never to eat the kill.
So I pulled some of Professor Walsh's original design schematics, and I found something.
His power source is not biological at all.
It's here.
The design attempts to hide it, but I believe that there's a small reservoir of uranium 235.
Sir, how long will it last? Essentially forever.
It also means that cutting off his head is useless.
Killing Adam means annihilating him completely.
But first we have to find him.
Where are you, Jonathan? Are you, like, never home? - I feel terrible.
- She's ready to forget it.
- You'd better be ready too.
- I don't know, Jonathan.
I mean, I don't know if she'll really ever forget it.
- Every time I try to touch her - She's scared.
- Scared of me? - Scared ofwhat you're thinking about.
- What do you mean? - She knows that Faith is experienced.
What are you saying? Experienced? God! Does she think that that I'd be comparing? She knows she's the one l I care about.
- Have you let her know that? - I think l Haven't l? She has to know.
People can't always see what's right in front ofthem.
I loves the big witch doctor, who stirred a brew for me I took sips from your sweet lips and now I can't get free Trapped in a web of love Trapped in a web of love - Did not.
- Last night.
With me.
- You said "Jonathan".
- It was a moan! Fine! You moaned"Jonathan".
It was like, "Ahh-n".
Maybe it was "Ahh-nathan".
Still not fluffin' up the old ego.
Quite the couple, aren't they? They get into a fist fight, I got a 50 on Anya.
I wonder ifthey'll make it.
Good evening, everyone.
I'd like to dedicate this song to some friends of mine.
A very special couple who've been going through a tough time.
When I hear that serenade in blue I'm somewhere in another world Alone with you Sharing all the joys we used to know Many moons ago Once again your face comes back to me Just like the theme of some forgotten Melody ln the album of my memory Serenade ln blue It seems like only yesterday A small café, a crowded floor And as we danced the night away I hear you say forevermore And then the song became a sigh Forevermore became goodbye But you remain in my heart Tell me, darling, is there still a spark? - Buffy, I want you to know.
- Do we have to have the talk? No talk.
More dance.
I just wanna say I'm sorry.
That it's only you that I want.
I know.
- I know all ofthat.
- You do? Since when? Since you put your arms around me.
Oh, my God! He's gonna do something offthe new album.
Xander.
Let's go and have sex now.
Yeah.
OK.
What is it? Are you OK? Karen! That's your name, isn't it? I signed my book for you.
Tell me what hurt you, Karen.
I can help.
Let's get you warmed up.
What's going on? Why are you here? Mr Levinson, someone on your staff reported a disturbance.
When I realised it was on your property I thought I'd come in person.
- That's all right.
I have it under control.
- Of course, sir.
Glad to see you're all right.
Karen, I know you're scared, but I need to hear your description again.
It was ugly.
Big ugly.
All bent over, sort of, with these huge arms and, like, scabs and stuff.
That must have been very frightening.
I'm so sorry.
- Oh, I forgot.
It had a mark.
- A mark? On its forehead, like a symbol.
Oh.
This is a clue.
- Jonathan? - I've heard ofthis.
It's not a demon, just a monster.
Not much more than an animal.
It sticks to the woods.
It doesn't come near populated areas.
But it did this time.
It might again.
Maybe we should patrol? - Ifyou want me to mobilise the squad - I think Karen simply startled it.
Probably more afraid ofyou than you were of it.
I'll patrol.
Don't worry.
I can handle it on my own.
Now, let's see about getting Karen a ride home.
I wish you'd get rid ofthat body.
The smell's makin' me hungry.
You wouldn't want it.
It had a blood disease.
It didn't know it but it would've been dead within the year.
Humans sense so little ofwhat they carry inside.
All right.
Well, you're the Evil Messiah Guy, so Oh, hey, there's something new in town.
Yeah, attacked a girl, caused a little fuss.
Oh.
He was there.
- Jonathan.
- Jonathan? Tell me, who is he? You're jokin', right? Jonathan is Jonathan.
Look! These are lies.
None ofthis is real.
The world has been changed.
It's intriguing, but it's wrong.
- Feels OK to me.
- You're under his spell, just like the others.
- I seem to be the only one who's not.
- Really? And what makes you so special? I'm aware.
I know every molecule of myself and everything around me.
No one - no human, no demon - has ever been as awake and alive as I am.
You are all just shadows.
So, what do you do now? Hey, you could kill Jonathan! Well, or you could try.
The guy's like a dynamo of action.
I don't need to do anything.
These magics are unstable, corrosive.
They will inevitably lead to chaos.
And I am interested in chaos.
Jonathan, aren't you coming to bed? Ja, it's getting late.
Be right there.
I'm glad you're OK.
Everyone in the Bronze was pretty freaked out after you left.
So, I guess you have to go fight this thing, huh? All the weapons are at Giles's.
It shouldn't take too long.
- No go.
- Did you just go "no go"? Jonathan did.
He said it was some brainless beastie and that he'd take care of it.
Oh, cool.
I guess.
I don't know, he just He seemed a little scared.
Buffy, this is Jonathan.
You know he doesn't get scared.
You talked about it when you gave him the Class Protector Award at the prom.
You're right.
My exit.
Willow, I'll see you tomorrow? OK.
So, saw you and Riley, with the dancing? That was a great dance.
For the first time, it felt like Faith wasn't there.
Like no one was there but us.
What's going on? Oh, my God.
She's gonna be OK.
But she's terrified.
What happened? Who did this? Someone found her in the janitor's closet about an hour ago.
I think she was there all night.
She was all alone.
Tara, what did this? Big Iumpy Had something on its head, like Iike a Greek letter, only not.
This? Was it this? Buffy, Jonathan said we were all safe.
Jonathan said it.
Xander's not here.
You're not going away.
Why aren't you going away? Well, I was kind of hoping to look at some of Xander's stuff.
Sure.
Come on in.
Make yourself at home.
And so on.
Oh, you're still here? That's nice.
May I ask you something? Does it ever seem just a little strange that Jonathan is so good at everything? He's Jonathan.
Hey! I was just at the part where he invents the lnternet.
Anya, he fights better than I do.
And I'm the Slayer.
The Slayer! I mean, that's supposed to mean something, right? Buck up, you.
You kill the best.
Go, you.
Kill, kill.
Actually not needing validation right now, but thank you.
He just seems too perfect.
- I don't know.
- So I can have my book back? Anya, when you were a demon, you granted wishes, right? Vengeance wishes on ex-boyfriends.
I'd wish he was a dog, or ugly, or in love with President McKinley or something.
But someone could wish the whole world to be different, right? That's possible? Sure.
Alternate realities.
You could have, like, a world without shrimp.
Or with, you know, nothing but shrimp.
You could even make a freaky world where Jonathan's a mouth-breather, ifthat's what's blowing up your skirt.
Just don't ask me to live there.
Now, if, uh I can just have my book back, you'll be on your way someplace else? Here.
I'm just saying it doesn't make any sense.
He starred in The Matrix, but he never left town.
And how did he graduate from med school? He's only 18.
Effective time management? I'm sorry, Buffy, but l I just don't understand what you're trying to say.
Yeah, and when is Jonathan gonna get here and start the meeting? - This is the meeting.
- This is the meeting? Well, I was just kind of wondering if maybe anyone else thought that Jonathan was kind oftoo perfect? No, he's not! He's just perfect enough! He crushed the Master, blew up a big steak made out of Mayor, and coached the US women's soccer team to World Cup victory.
- We saw him doin' those things.
- But that's just it.
I'm not entirely sure that we can trust our memories.
- Tell them about the alternate universes.
- Oh, OK.
Say you really like shrimp a lot.
Or we could say you don't like shrimp at all.
- "Blah, I wish there weren't any shrimp.
" - Stop, you're saying it wrong! I think that Jonathan may be doing something so that he's manipulating the world and we're all, like, his pawns.
Or prawns.
Stop with the shrimp.
I am trying to do something here! Of course, but I think you may be a little out ofyour depth.
- I'm not.
- It sounds like nonsense.
But I'm starting to know this girl pretty well.
And I think she sees things that the rest of us don't.
I think, for once, we should follow her lead.
OK.
I think Jonathan might be ignoring evidence.
I think he might have let Tara get hurt.
- On purpose? - No! No.
How did he ignore evidence? The monster had a mark on it.
Jonathan saw it and he kind of - blinked.
- He blinked? The man moistens his eyeballs and we're having a meeting about it.
He knows something about the monster.
He was reacting to the mark.
Oh! Wait.
I remember something.
Giles, do you have a Jonathan swimsuit calendar? No.
Yes.
It was a gift.
No.
No.
No.
There.
Oh.
Yeah.
Pretty darn lickable.
The other kind of "oh".
That's it.
That's what Tara saw.
Why would Jonathan have the same mark as the monster? I don't know.
But he's definitely keeping Is this a private conversation? Or can Mr July sit in? - Jonathan.
- Hi! Buffy was just saying how you had a monster cut up Willow's friend and Buffy? No.
It's just the mark.
You said it was safe, and it wasn't.
I'm sorry, I just don't understand.
Then I'll explain.
Buffy is right.
No.
I do have a history with the creature.
The monster.
The problem is, every time I face it my mind becomes sort of confused.
- There's some kind of power it possesses.
- Oh! He's like your kryptonite.
Maybe.
I just know that it takes all my energy to try and fight the confusion.
That's why I had his mark tattooed on me: so that I wouldn't underestimate it next time.
- This does explain everything.
- I knew he wouldn't do anything on purpose.
Me too.
And that whole alternate universe thing was too freaky.
Jonathan, let's go after the monster.
Right now, you and me.
I'm sure it's left town by now.
That's been its pattern.
We can try.
Sure.
Let's do that.
- Goodbye, Jonathan! - Goodbye.
Oh, look.
Jonathan.
Taking the little sidekick out for a walk, are we? - Shut up, Spike.
- Ooh! Semi-harsh language from Betty.
You're feisty when the big guy's standing beside you.
Someday, sweet Slayer, I would love to take you on.
See you face the evil alone, for once.
That's enough ofthe creepy small talk.
We're looking for a monster.
- Why would I know about that? - Every demon's gunning for you, so I figure you're keeping good track of 'em.
Big arms, mark on its head.
- Have you seen it? - No.
But then again, I'm probably lying.
We're not getting anything outta him.
Hey, what are you doing? You're not supposed to do that! You're pretty much relying on butcher's blood these days, right? - What are you saying? - Just that the butchers respect Jonathan.
They do him a favour and you might find yourself getting kinda thirsty.
Look, I don't know much, OK? Some vampires got kicked out of a cave in the hills behind Brookside Park.
I don't know what did the kicking out, but it was probably pretty big.
That was very good.
Very good.
These spells.
These really work? I mean, can you really turn your enemies inside out? Or - Iearn to excrete gold coins? - That one's not so much fun.
They work, Riley, but they take concentration.
Being attuned with the forces ofthe universe.
Right.
You can'tjust go "Iibrum incendere" and expect Xander, don't speak Latin in front ofthe books.
Hey, I found the mark.
It's part of an augmentation spell.
Jonathan did an augmentation spell.
What, uh did he have? You know.
Him.
And how we see him.
This spell turns the sorcerer into a paragon.
The best of everything.
Everyone's ideal.
But there's a drawback.
- A drawback? - That happens a lot.
In order to balance the new force of good, the spell must create the opposing force of evil.
- The worst of everything.
A nightmare.
- He created the monster.
So we're saying he did a spell just to make us think he was cool? Yes.
That is so cool.
Giles, Buffy and Jonathan are going after this nightmare thing.
Are they gonna be OK? It seems the wellbeing ofthis creature is linked to Jonathan.
If it dies the spell is broken and Jonathan reverts to whatever he was before.
Jonathan isn't gonna want Buffy to get very far.
Fall down there and be dead for a while.
Yeah.
Don't want that to happen.
Come on.
We've got a monster Buffy was right.
- Buffy was right.
- It doesn't sound very likely, does it? So, ifthis is the world he created, what's the real world like? I'm scared.
Everything's gonna change.
Actually, it'll remain pretty much the same, except Jonathan won't be Jonathan.
- Well, not our Jonathan, anyway.
- No! No! No! World without sunshine.
World withoutjoy! But it only changes back if Buffy kills this thing.
I mean, if she loses, then we could be stuck in this wrong world for ever.
Things looking up.
I mean, we're all happy here, right? You know, if she doesn't get killed? Giles, can Buffy do it? I honestly don't know.
She's never stood alone against something like this before.
- What do I do? - You'll have to handle this one solo.
- What? But How? - You'll know.
You used to.
And the more you hurt it the more I'll lose my What? Lose your I remember this.
Is good.
- I can't believe we believed it.
- It seemed so real.
Well, in that world, it was real.
Alternate realities are neat.
- You know what I'll always remember? - The swimsuit calendar sticks in my mind.
Not in a good way.
I'll always remember the way he made me feel about me.
Valued, respected.
Sort oftingly.
Now I'm just empty.
Poor Xander.
I guess Jonathan hurt you most of all.
Except, of course, after Tara.
Did anyone else feel way too tall? I felt way too tall.
I liked his clothes.
He had really cool clothes.
- I don't understand how he got the house.
- And who really did star in The Matrix? Wait.
That wasn't real either? Hi.
I wasn't sure you'd come over.
Everyone's mostly forgetting, but I think some people are kinda angry.
Yeah.
Nobody's even talking to me.
And the twins moved out.
Why did you do it, anyway? No.
I get why.
How? After the thing with the bell tower and the gun, I went to counselling.
You know, other kids with problems, and one ofthem had this spell.
He glossed right over the monster.
Well, anyway, I just I just wanted to apologise.
Nobody was supposed to get hurt.
Jonathan, you get why everyone is angry, though, right? It's notjust the monster.
People didn't like being the little actors in your sock-puppet theatre.
You weren't! You weren't socks! You were friends.
You can't keep trying to make everything work out with some big gesture all at once.
Things are complicated.
They take time and work.
Yeah.
Right.
Hey, Buffy.
You remember I gave you some advice? - Watch out for southpaws? - No.
About you and Riley.
I mean, things are kinda starting to blur, but this cool thing I said that I don't really remember.
I think it's right.
I think it's kind ofthe same thing you just said to me.
About things taking work.
Yeah.
I remember.
Good.
Because it's true.
What you have is really complicated, but it's worth it.
I think that's what I said.
I'm glad we talked this all out.
We haven't talked at all.
Well, whatever we're doing, we're doing it great.
Jonathan Marisa Castle de Joncaire
- Wanna point that somewhere else? You all think I'm an idiot.
A short idiot.
Faith switched.
I mean, she had some device.
She switched our bodies.
- Hi, baby.
You miss me? - I did, actually.
I love you.
You slept with her.
I was created to kill.
To extinguish life wherever I find it.
Tell us what to do.
Xander! Anya! Buffy, another one! Buffy! - Where's the other one? - Scampered like a bunny.
In there.
I don't care if it is an orgy of death.
There's still such a thing as a napkin.
A nest.
No biggie.
I bet I could do it.
I know I could take at least two.
Yes, and we could run for help while the others suck your heart out through your neck.
You're right.
It's too many forjust us.
You know who we need? Hi.
We have a problem.
Sounds like you could use my help.
A quick draw's about more than speed.
It's also about pointing a stake the right way.
And there can be splinter issues.
It is a true test of dexterity.
- Can you open this? - No, I tear it and it gets all sloshy.
Thanks for doing this, Jonathan.
I wouldn't ask, but Hey, don't worry about it.
Nest full of vampires, you come get me.
OK.
Box full of puppies? That's more of ajudgment call.
Hit me! You got me.
It was very punchy.
Watch out for southpaws, Buff.
Don't let 'em surprise you.
Can't find a reference to any rituals.
Seems more like a family meal, ifyou will.
And they say no one needs to have the TV on any more.
Thanks, Rupert.
It's good to know we're not walkin' into some unholy feast or other.
Oh, Jonathan.
I'm in.
Schematics for the crypt.
Part ofthe original plan for the cemetery.
Sometimes there's a Oh, no back way in.
Just the one entrance.
Well, maybe we could make it work for us.
We could stake out the entrance.
- Maybe use a decoy.
Lure 'em out.
- Or I bet - There! I can get in that way.
- Oh, of course! Why didn't I think ofthat? I'm sure you would have.
I think we have a plan.
Buffy, you go in first.
Let 'em get a look at a slayer.
Xander and The Nimzowitsch Defence.
Let's see if I remember.
Mate in four.
You almost got me that time, Rupert.
Xander, Willow and Anya, you back up Buffy.
I'll be the surprise guest.
Everyone, let's show these fiends that they came to the wrong town.
Buffy, he's getting away! - I should've gotten that one.
- You got two ofthem.
And that second one was ready for ya.
- You should feel good.
- But I let one get by.
Don't worry.
You know it only matters that you do your best.
But that's just it.
I don't think it was my best.
Hey, Jonathan, over here! A quick photo, please! - A couple more, a couple more.
- OK, guys, that's enough.
I think we did great.
We knocked 'em dead.
Which they already were.
We knocked 'em deader.
Ifthey'd all rushed at Buffy, they could've killed her right away.
Thanks.
That won't keep me awake.
Vampires only form nests to make hunting easier.
They're not big on the cooperation.
They mostly like to hang out all creepy and alone in the shadows.
Don't you agree, Spike? Well, well! The man himself.
- What are you doing here? - I live here.
I wasn't pining for a visit from Wonder Jonathan and his Fluffy Battle Kittens.
Yeah? You think that one up with all the time you're not able to bite people? Careful.
He's still pretty dangerous.
- Yeah, back off, Betty.
- It's Buffy, you big bleached stupid guy.
Spike, you're the worst type of scum.
The second you're back to your old tricks, Iet's say, before you even sniff out a victim, you'll be pretty indistinguishable from Oh, what should we say? lnstant soup mix.
Next thing I know, this crazed vamp is, like, running right at me, and I know that if he gets past me there's no telling who's in danger next.
Come on, you have fun.
Admit it.
Living the Scooby life.
I was goin' for a kind of stoic bravery, but yeah.
And it was exciting, with the ceiling coming in and everything.
Oh, that's a cute one.
- And Buffy, she was OK? - Oh, she was great! Twang! Poof! That was the sound: crossbow, vampire dusting She was a little cranky that she missed that one vamp.
I kind of meant personally.
That whole thing with Faith.
That freaked me out and I was just sensing it from a distance.
Oh, yeah.
I know she's not over the whole Riley-sleeping-with-Faith thing.
You know, Faith's insides and Buffy's outsides, when her insides were out.
I hope they'll be OK.
I'm sure it'll blow over.
They're probably all with the smoochies right now.
- You must be feeling better.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm a lot stronger.
I mean, I'm no Jonathan, but I'm doing OK.
Are you? I mean, you're not? What? Eating the lnitiative's technicolour food of strongness? No.
They swear they've stopped treating the food, but I'm not takin' the chance.
You know, l, uh, I don't know ifthat means I'll get weaker or dumber or smarter.
They're not big with the disclosure, huh? They still haven't released a profile on Adam.
And we're having zero luck trackin' him.
Ifthey'd just put a little trust in me, I know I could get the job done.
I've felt that way my entire life.
You'd think I could do that.
Guess it takes different muscles than demon beheading.
You just need a few pointers.
Now, if slaying was a competitive sport, I'd have a chance.
You know, we could have figure staking and speed staking.
I Sorry.
This just isn't my game.
I gotta It's all Faith's fault.
She's like poison.
No, worse, she's like acid that eats through everything.
Maybe she's a bomb.
The point is, everything was going along great with Riley, and then she comes along and messes everything up.
Buffy, you know what I think? I don't think this is about you being angry with Faith.
I think you're angry with Riley.
- Riley? - Could you, please? Sure.
I mean, you have this amazing connection with him, and then at the one moment when it matters the most, he looks into your eyes, and he doesn't even see that it's not you looking back at him.
There's no way he could know.
I mean, you don'tjust look at someone and say: "That's not your body! Get out ofthat body with your hands up!" I know you know that.
But you have to believe it.
Buffy, ifthere's any part ofyou that's blaming Riley for what happened, it seems like there's a part ofyou that needs to forgive him.
You're Jonathan Levinson! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! My name is Karen and I think you're you're wonderful! Oh, my God! Hi, Karen.
Thank you.
Oh, is that my book? Well, I could Yeah, please.
I didn't wanna bother you.
It's Karen with a K.
Thank you! So much! Thanks! So what do you think, Buffy? I mean, if I'm wrong, smack me.
Karen with a K will lend you a book, and it's pretty heavy.
Maybe I have been blaming him.
But how do I get past it? What if it's too late? What if after all this he doesn't want me any more? He does.
It's not gonna be easy, Buffy, but you guys are very special together.
That's worth a little hard work.
But I'm not even sure if I know how to talk to him any more.
How do I make it OK again? Ifyou really want it, you can make anything happen.
For those ofyou who don't already know, my name is Colonel George Haviland.
I'm commanding officer here until such time as the facility review is completed.
This review does not mean our primary mission is changed in any way.
Recovery ofthe hostile known as Adam is our first and most importantjob.
To this end, I've asked our tactical consultant here to address us today.
Mr Levinson.
- Thank you, Colonel.
- It's about time we brought out the big guns.
Men, before we can locate Adam, we need to understand him better.
And there's somethin' that's bothered me almost from the start.
He doesn't eat.
We've known him to kill, but never to eat the kill.
So I pulled some of Professor Walsh's original design schematics, and I found something.
His power source is not biological at all.
It's here.
The design attempts to hide it, but I believe that there's a small reservoir of uranium 235.
Sir, how long will it last? Essentially forever.
It also means that cutting off his head is useless.
Killing Adam means annihilating him completely.
But first we have to find him.
Where are you, Jonathan? Are you, like, never home? - I feel terrible.
- She's ready to forget it.
- You'd better be ready too.
- I don't know, Jonathan.
I mean, I don't know if she'll really ever forget it.
- Every time I try to touch her - She's scared.
- Scared of me? - Scared ofwhat you're thinking about.
- What do you mean? - She knows that Faith is experienced.
What are you saying? Experienced? God! Does she think that that I'd be comparing? She knows she's the one l I care about.
- Have you let her know that? - I think l Haven't l? She has to know.
People can't always see what's right in front ofthem.
I loves the big witch doctor, who stirred a brew for me I took sips from your sweet lips and now I can't get free Trapped in a web of love Trapped in a web of love - Did not.
- Last night.
With me.
- You said "Jonathan".
- It was a moan! Fine! You moaned"Jonathan".
It was like, "Ahh-n".
Maybe it was "Ahh-nathan".
Still not fluffin' up the old ego.
Quite the couple, aren't they? They get into a fist fight, I got a 50 on Anya.
I wonder ifthey'll make it.
Good evening, everyone.
I'd like to dedicate this song to some friends of mine.
A very special couple who've been going through a tough time.
When I hear that serenade in blue I'm somewhere in another world Alone with you Sharing all the joys we used to know Many moons ago Once again your face comes back to me Just like the theme of some forgotten Melody ln the album of my memory Serenade ln blue It seems like only yesterday A small café, a crowded floor And as we danced the night away I hear you say forevermore And then the song became a sigh Forevermore became goodbye But you remain in my heart Tell me, darling, is there still a spark? - Buffy, I want you to know.
- Do we have to have the talk? No talk.
More dance.
I just wanna say I'm sorry.
That it's only you that I want.
I know.
- I know all ofthat.
- You do? Since when? Since you put your arms around me.
Oh, my God! He's gonna do something offthe new album.
Xander.
Let's go and have sex now.
Yeah.
OK.
What is it? Are you OK? Karen! That's your name, isn't it? I signed my book for you.
Tell me what hurt you, Karen.
I can help.
Let's get you warmed up.
What's going on? Why are you here? Mr Levinson, someone on your staff reported a disturbance.
When I realised it was on your property I thought I'd come in person.
- That's all right.
I have it under control.
- Of course, sir.
Glad to see you're all right.
Karen, I know you're scared, but I need to hear your description again.
It was ugly.
Big ugly.
All bent over, sort of, with these huge arms and, like, scabs and stuff.
That must have been very frightening.
I'm so sorry.
- Oh, I forgot.
It had a mark.
- A mark? On its forehead, like a symbol.
Oh.
This is a clue.
- Jonathan? - I've heard ofthis.
It's not a demon, just a monster.
Not much more than an animal.
It sticks to the woods.
It doesn't come near populated areas.
But it did this time.
It might again.
Maybe we should patrol? - Ifyou want me to mobilise the squad - I think Karen simply startled it.
Probably more afraid ofyou than you were of it.
I'll patrol.
Don't worry.
I can handle it on my own.
Now, let's see about getting Karen a ride home.
I wish you'd get rid ofthat body.
The smell's makin' me hungry.
You wouldn't want it.
It had a blood disease.
It didn't know it but it would've been dead within the year.
Humans sense so little ofwhat they carry inside.
All right.
Well, you're the Evil Messiah Guy, so Oh, hey, there's something new in town.
Yeah, attacked a girl, caused a little fuss.
Oh.
He was there.
- Jonathan.
- Jonathan? Tell me, who is he? You're jokin', right? Jonathan is Jonathan.
Look! These are lies.
None ofthis is real.
The world has been changed.
It's intriguing, but it's wrong.
- Feels OK to me.
- You're under his spell, just like the others.
- I seem to be the only one who's not.
- Really? And what makes you so special? I'm aware.
I know every molecule of myself and everything around me.
No one - no human, no demon - has ever been as awake and alive as I am.
You are all just shadows.
So, what do you do now? Hey, you could kill Jonathan! Well, or you could try.
The guy's like a dynamo of action.
I don't need to do anything.
These magics are unstable, corrosive.
They will inevitably lead to chaos.
And I am interested in chaos.
Jonathan, aren't you coming to bed? Ja, it's getting late.
Be right there.
I'm glad you're OK.
Everyone in the Bronze was pretty freaked out after you left.
So, I guess you have to go fight this thing, huh? All the weapons are at Giles's.
It shouldn't take too long.
- No go.
- Did you just go "no go"? Jonathan did.
He said it was some brainless beastie and that he'd take care of it.
Oh, cool.
I guess.
I don't know, he just He seemed a little scared.
Buffy, this is Jonathan.
You know he doesn't get scared.
You talked about it when you gave him the Class Protector Award at the prom.
You're right.
My exit.
Willow, I'll see you tomorrow? OK.
So, saw you and Riley, with the dancing? That was a great dance.
For the first time, it felt like Faith wasn't there.
Like no one was there but us.
What's going on? Oh, my God.
She's gonna be OK.
But she's terrified.
What happened? Who did this? Someone found her in the janitor's closet about an hour ago.
I think she was there all night.
She was all alone.
Tara, what did this? Big Iumpy Had something on its head, like Iike a Greek letter, only not.
This? Was it this? Buffy, Jonathan said we were all safe.
Jonathan said it.
Xander's not here.
You're not going away.
Why aren't you going away? Well, I was kind of hoping to look at some of Xander's stuff.
Sure.
Come on in.
Make yourself at home.
And so on.
Oh, you're still here? That's nice.
May I ask you something? Does it ever seem just a little strange that Jonathan is so good at everything? He's Jonathan.
Hey! I was just at the part where he invents the lnternet.
Anya, he fights better than I do.
And I'm the Slayer.
The Slayer! I mean, that's supposed to mean something, right? Buck up, you.
You kill the best.
Go, you.
Kill, kill.
Actually not needing validation right now, but thank you.
He just seems too perfect.
- I don't know.
- So I can have my book back? Anya, when you were a demon, you granted wishes, right? Vengeance wishes on ex-boyfriends.
I'd wish he was a dog, or ugly, or in love with President McKinley or something.
But someone could wish the whole world to be different, right? That's possible? Sure.
Alternate realities.
You could have, like, a world without shrimp.
Or with, you know, nothing but shrimp.
You could even make a freaky world where Jonathan's a mouth-breather, ifthat's what's blowing up your skirt.
Just don't ask me to live there.
Now, if, uh I can just have my book back, you'll be on your way someplace else? Here.
I'm just saying it doesn't make any sense.
He starred in The Matrix, but he never left town.
And how did he graduate from med school? He's only 18.
Effective time management? I'm sorry, Buffy, but l I just don't understand what you're trying to say.
Yeah, and when is Jonathan gonna get here and start the meeting? - This is the meeting.
- This is the meeting? Well, I was just kind of wondering if maybe anyone else thought that Jonathan was kind oftoo perfect? No, he's not! He's just perfect enough! He crushed the Master, blew up a big steak made out of Mayor, and coached the US women's soccer team to World Cup victory.
- We saw him doin' those things.
- But that's just it.
I'm not entirely sure that we can trust our memories.
- Tell them about the alternate universes.
- Oh, OK.
Say you really like shrimp a lot.
Or we could say you don't like shrimp at all.
- "Blah, I wish there weren't any shrimp.
" - Stop, you're saying it wrong! I think that Jonathan may be doing something so that he's manipulating the world and we're all, like, his pawns.
Or prawns.
Stop with the shrimp.
I am trying to do something here! Of course, but I think you may be a little out ofyour depth.
- I'm not.
- It sounds like nonsense.
But I'm starting to know this girl pretty well.
And I think she sees things that the rest of us don't.
I think, for once, we should follow her lead.
OK.
I think Jonathan might be ignoring evidence.
I think he might have let Tara get hurt.
- On purpose? - No! No.
How did he ignore evidence? The monster had a mark on it.
Jonathan saw it and he kind of - blinked.
- He blinked? The man moistens his eyeballs and we're having a meeting about it.
He knows something about the monster.
He was reacting to the mark.
Oh! Wait.
I remember something.
Giles, do you have a Jonathan swimsuit calendar? No.
Yes.
It was a gift.
No.
No.
No.
There.
Oh.
Yeah.
Pretty darn lickable.
The other kind of "oh".
That's it.
That's what Tara saw.
Why would Jonathan have the same mark as the monster? I don't know.
But he's definitely keeping Is this a private conversation? Or can Mr July sit in? - Jonathan.
- Hi! Buffy was just saying how you had a monster cut up Willow's friend and Buffy? No.
It's just the mark.
You said it was safe, and it wasn't.
I'm sorry, I just don't understand.
Then I'll explain.
Buffy is right.
No.
I do have a history with the creature.
The monster.
The problem is, every time I face it my mind becomes sort of confused.
- There's some kind of power it possesses.
- Oh! He's like your kryptonite.
Maybe.
I just know that it takes all my energy to try and fight the confusion.
That's why I had his mark tattooed on me: so that I wouldn't underestimate it next time.
- This does explain everything.
- I knew he wouldn't do anything on purpose.
Me too.
And that whole alternate universe thing was too freaky.
Jonathan, let's go after the monster.
Right now, you and me.
I'm sure it's left town by now.
That's been its pattern.
We can try.
Sure.
Let's do that.
- Goodbye, Jonathan! - Goodbye.
Oh, look.
Jonathan.
Taking the little sidekick out for a walk, are we? - Shut up, Spike.
- Ooh! Semi-harsh language from Betty.
You're feisty when the big guy's standing beside you.
Someday, sweet Slayer, I would love to take you on.
See you face the evil alone, for once.
That's enough ofthe creepy small talk.
We're looking for a monster.
- Why would I know about that? - Every demon's gunning for you, so I figure you're keeping good track of 'em.
Big arms, mark on its head.
- Have you seen it? - No.
But then again, I'm probably lying.
We're not getting anything outta him.
Hey, what are you doing? You're not supposed to do that! You're pretty much relying on butcher's blood these days, right? - What are you saying? - Just that the butchers respect Jonathan.
They do him a favour and you might find yourself getting kinda thirsty.
Look, I don't know much, OK? Some vampires got kicked out of a cave in the hills behind Brookside Park.
I don't know what did the kicking out, but it was probably pretty big.
That was very good.
Very good.
These spells.
These really work? I mean, can you really turn your enemies inside out? Or - Iearn to excrete gold coins? - That one's not so much fun.
They work, Riley, but they take concentration.
Being attuned with the forces ofthe universe.
Right.
You can'tjust go "Iibrum incendere" and expect Xander, don't speak Latin in front ofthe books.
Hey, I found the mark.
It's part of an augmentation spell.
Jonathan did an augmentation spell.
What, uh did he have? You know.
Him.
And how we see him.
This spell turns the sorcerer into a paragon.
The best of everything.
Everyone's ideal.
But there's a drawback.
- A drawback? - That happens a lot.
In order to balance the new force of good, the spell must create the opposing force of evil.
- The worst of everything.
A nightmare.
- He created the monster.
So we're saying he did a spell just to make us think he was cool? Yes.
That is so cool.
Giles, Buffy and Jonathan are going after this nightmare thing.
Are they gonna be OK? It seems the wellbeing ofthis creature is linked to Jonathan.
If it dies the spell is broken and Jonathan reverts to whatever he was before.
Jonathan isn't gonna want Buffy to get very far.
Fall down there and be dead for a while.
Yeah.
Don't want that to happen.
Come on.
We've got a monster Buffy was right.
- Buffy was right.
- It doesn't sound very likely, does it? So, ifthis is the world he created, what's the real world like? I'm scared.
Everything's gonna change.
Actually, it'll remain pretty much the same, except Jonathan won't be Jonathan.
- Well, not our Jonathan, anyway.
- No! No! No! World without sunshine.
World withoutjoy! But it only changes back if Buffy kills this thing.
I mean, if she loses, then we could be stuck in this wrong world for ever.
Things looking up.
I mean, we're all happy here, right? You know, if she doesn't get killed? Giles, can Buffy do it? I honestly don't know.
She's never stood alone against something like this before.
- What do I do? - You'll have to handle this one solo.
- What? But How? - You'll know.
You used to.
And the more you hurt it the more I'll lose my What? Lose your I remember this.
Is good.
- I can't believe we believed it.
- It seemed so real.
Well, in that world, it was real.
Alternate realities are neat.
- You know what I'll always remember? - The swimsuit calendar sticks in my mind.
Not in a good way.
I'll always remember the way he made me feel about me.
Valued, respected.
Sort oftingly.
Now I'm just empty.
Poor Xander.
I guess Jonathan hurt you most of all.
Except, of course, after Tara.
Did anyone else feel way too tall? I felt way too tall.
I liked his clothes.
He had really cool clothes.
- I don't understand how he got the house.
- And who really did star in The Matrix? Wait.
That wasn't real either? Hi.
I wasn't sure you'd come over.
Everyone's mostly forgetting, but I think some people are kinda angry.
Yeah.
Nobody's even talking to me.
And the twins moved out.
Why did you do it, anyway? No.
I get why.
How? After the thing with the bell tower and the gun, I went to counselling.
You know, other kids with problems, and one ofthem had this spell.
He glossed right over the monster.
Well, anyway, I just I just wanted to apologise.
Nobody was supposed to get hurt.
Jonathan, you get why everyone is angry, though, right? It's notjust the monster.
People didn't like being the little actors in your sock-puppet theatre.
You weren't! You weren't socks! You were friends.
You can't keep trying to make everything work out with some big gesture all at once.
Things are complicated.
They take time and work.
Yeah.
Right.
Hey, Buffy.
You remember I gave you some advice? - Watch out for southpaws? - No.
About you and Riley.
I mean, things are kinda starting to blur, but this cool thing I said that I don't really remember.
I think it's right.
I think it's kind ofthe same thing you just said to me.
About things taking work.
Yeah.
I remember.
Good.
Because it's true.
What you have is really complicated, but it's worth it.
I think that's what I said.
I'm glad we talked this all out.
We haven't talked at all.
Well, whatever we're doing, we're doing it great.
Jonathan Marisa Castle de Joncaire