Bump (2021) s03e02 Episode Script

Caring Gives You Cancer

Apart from having 'Keeks' as a nickname,
she doesn't seem too suss.
I said I don't care.
You don't care if someone
hanging out with your kid
is suss or not?
How did it go down
when you met your stepkids?
No, it didn't go down.
The mum wanted to meet me first,
make sure I wasn't a
murderer or whatever.
So we met at this pub,
things got tense between
them and she left.
And I was walking across the car park
and she hit me with her car.
It was intense.
And she said she didn't
see me but, like, really?
Was that supposed to
make me feel better?
Oh, hey, look at this.
Stop making me desperate
by association, please.
Any day now, J might be
accidentally calling
this Keeks bitch Mama.
So, Oly, you ARE desperate.
And she is selling such a
cute vase on Marketplace.
- I hate vases.
- No way.
No, no, today we love vases.
Oh, Oly, you're not
even a tiny bit curious?
Hey there.
Oh, this must be the vase.
Yes, ma'am.
You're not old enough to be
a ma'am. That's embarrassing.
Where did you even get this thing?
It just, you know Things appear.
Is it stolen or something?
No, prob probably not.
No, it really isn't.
OK, spill.
Well, so, last year I had
a big night with my cousins,
and I woke up and this was in my bed.
- What?
- Yeah, like, I woke up and bam!
There it is on the pillow next to me.
And I asked the house party people
and this bar we went to if it was theirs
and literally put up signs,
and nobody owns it or
knows where it came from.
Oh, my God, I love that.
It's basically how I
met my last boyfriend.
Honestly, like,
I don't hate it. I just
I tried living with it, and
it just freaks me out too much.
Like, where did it come from?
- I do feel conflicted, though.
- Don't. Don't.
Oh, but seriously, though,
I don't have any money on me for this.
Oh. You can transfer me.
Oh, my phone's bung.
Is there an ATM nearby?
Oh, good idea. You could
stay here and I'll go get it.
Oh, no, that's OK. I can come with you.
Oh, weird. I had it right right here.
She's a major introvert.
Cool shoes!
Um, well, I guess I better be off.
Yeah, thanks.
- Nice to chat.
- See ya.
See ya.
That was really bad, Mads.
Yeah, shit, she's nice.
OK, get out of my way.
You're a control
freak. You're driving me nuts.
- This is fine.
- That is
What, no, this is fine. Ooh. Ah!
I'd just like to let you guys
know that I am here eating.
And true.
You're still busted.
I just forgot myself.
Oh, you'll be over it in two hours.
- Mm, we'll see.
- Yeah, OK, but what happened?
Ariel, out of the blue, without warning,
asked my dad if he'd like
to donate his sperm to her.
- To us.
- Yeah.
But it'll be going up
your vagina so it's weird.
- Hey, my mum was not pleased.
- OK.
It's not funny!
It isn't?
Look, she didn't even
tell me she was gonna ask.
No, we talked about it.
Yeah, I think I
would've remembered that.
I don't know, remember talking about
how you were gonna start composting?
- Sorry.
- Shut up.
Yeah, well, maybe you
just forgot about that too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- It's totally different.
- Yeah?
Ooh, we didn't even finish
It's alright. I'll I'll do it.
Thanks, Vince.
I think I'm gonna introduce J to Keeks.
Good idea? Bad idea?
It's a big call.
Could be good.
Have you asked your dad?
He'd know a lot about
this sort of stuff.
He said, "Just don't do
what I did with Rosa."
So the only way is up, right?
Right. Ah, don't sweat it, uce.
And if things do go to shit,
at least you'll have a nice ute.
Yeah. Hey.
We gotta bargain him down,
OK? I'm not paying that much.
Just look along the panels,
frown a bunch, say some shit.
Make him scared we've
lost interest, you know?
Bit of intimidation.
I'm sorry. She's dead.
Maybe the cancer came back.
You can wake up now.
You're not dead. It was a joke!
Oh, phew!
What's a PET scan?
A PET scan? It's a medic
- Dum Dum!
- Hey!
Oh, you little angel. Are
you ready for the park?
What are you doing down there?
Um, I'm preparing for
a big day, actually.
Whatever works, huh?
Come on, let's get out of this dungeon.
Oh, flowers are beautiful.
What did they say?
It's really bad news.
What is it?
It's just really terrible news. It's
It's back.
It's back.
I can't tell if you're
joking or processing.
Oh, dammit. I can't
keep a straight face.
I'm fine. I'm fine.
No. No, you are not. You are sick!
Sick! Sick!
- Off to the morgue.
- The flowers are beautiful.
Mean people don't get flowers.
Mean people don't get cancer either.
You don't think it's a coincidence
that I worried about everyone
else's feelings for so long,
just pouring my
never-ending emotional labour
into the great domestic
abyss, and got cancer?
And then I stopped doing all that
and my scan is crystal clear?
Hmm. Might have just been the chemo.
Chemo doesn't always work, though.
Not when it's caring
that gives you the cancer.
It's not even the weirdest
interaction I've had at all.
Like, I had one couple
who wanted to trade
my old pressure cooker
for a whole lot of spiders in jars.
Were they spider breeders?
I don't know. I wasn't
about to investigate.
It's a weird world out there, babe,
so a scatty chick and her silent friend
who pay me in full, it's
normal enough for me.
Fair enough.
Sometimes, uh, you
meet interesting people.
Yeah, you do.
- Hey.
- Hey, yeah?
I've been thinking.
And since you love
meeting people so much,
maybe you'd be up for meeting J.
If if you wanted to.
Meet J?
Excuse me, are you making this official?
Are you saying we
weren't already official?
I'm not saying anything.
But, yeah, of course.
I'd love to meet her.
And I promise I won't turn
into an evil wicked stepmother.
Well, at least not straightaway.
Papi, watch me!
I'm watching, puchita. Doing great.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Wow. You dressed up.
Oh, thanks a lot.
No, no, sorry, you look
great. It's just, um
We're at the park.
I wanted to make a good impression.
Sorry. No, I didn't I didn't
mean it like that. I'm just
Are you nervous?
No. I'm fine.
Is J here?
Yeah. Yeah, she's just
just over by the swings.
Watch me, Papi!
I got her this. Um, I'm not sure
if it's the right kind of thing.
It's a hat.
Does she like hats?
That's a no.
- Should we
- Yeah.
Let's do it.
Unless, um unless you wanna wait?
Won't she wonder why I didn't turn up?
Yeah, the thing is,
she doesn't she doesn't
know you're coming.
Why didn't you tell her?
I-I don't know.
Well, I feel stupid.
OK, then I guess this
isn't gonna happen?
Yeah. Probably not, eh.
But but we can, um We
can we can do another day.
Do you want it to be
another time, though?
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Keeks.
Then no, this really isn't gonna happen.
- What?
- Papi, you're not watching me!
What the fuck?
Whoa, Mum. Your fascia's like butter.
I've never felt anything
this harmonious before.
Yeah, well, it's been a
pretty good couple of days.
Yeah, I mean, I knew we could
realign your tangential plane
but this is just crazy.
Yeah, I'm very relieved for some reason.
Mm, well, this is the
cumulative effect of self-care.
People underestimate the value
of buying themselves flowers.
Oh, no, these were bought for me.
The universe gives us what
we allow ourselves to receive.
Yeah, no, there's a block here.
Some tension.
Oh, wonder what that could be from.
Hey, puchita. How are you?
Grangie gave me a bath.
Ah, you've had a bath. That's good.
But why are you at Grangie's?
I had a bath bomb.
Bath bomb. Sounds very cool.
Papi, can we watch a movie?
Yeah, of course, we can go see a movie.
- Can it be tomorrow?
- But, hey, um
Is Mum not there with you?
She's sick. She's not feeling well.
She let me have a sleepover.
Well, um, let's hope she
gets better soon, huh?
I should get to take her if Oly's sick.
- Hey, I don't mind.
- Yeah, but I do.
Hey, hey, Santi, she's having fun.
That's more important than
who it's with or where she is.
OK, but Oly can't keep doing this.
OK, that's between you and Oly,
not me, and definitely not J.
Just let her be, Santi.
Don't ruin her night because
you're in a mood with Oly.
- Is she OK?
- Yeah.
Just don't try taking that hat off.
Don't know where it came
from but she is obsessed.
It was a present.
Am I gonna kill a fish
with this plastic bag?
Mmm. Chips.
- I need to wee.
- Then wee.
I can't just wee here.
OK, relax, Ol.
I'm so relaxed.
- You're not relaxed.
- I am so relaxed!
- See.
- Mm.
- Shit.
- What?
It's Keeks.
- What?
- Quick! Quick!
Argh! Argh!
Oh, my God. I was kidding.
Thank you.
Does it look OK?
Is it gonna leave a scar?
Maybe in the shape of a 'K'.
- No. Don't.
- Nah. It'll be nothing.
I don't know. She doesn't
really seem like nothing.
How's your shift?
We had
Sorry, you sure you
wanna hear about this?
We had, um
a woman come in.
Cervix wasn't dilating.
High blood pressure.
Baby was in in distress.
Um they had to do an emergency caesar.
Was the baby OK?
Isn't that hard?
Mostly it's the best
day of people's lives.
Other times it's, um it's not.
Hey, I've got a few
more minutes on break.
Did you need me to
steal you more biscuits?
Nah, I'm good, thanks.
Well, better make some moves then.
Maybe don't tell Santi about this.
Yeah, no, I definitely will.
Say hi to Angie for me.
I hope she's doing OK.
Yeah, she's fine.
She's, uh
Hi, this is Angie. Leave a message.
Hey, Mum.
Um, I just wanted to say sorry
for missing your PET scan.
- I thought you had J.
- She's staying with her grandma.
But listen, um, about today.
That was my bad.
I'd say it isn't, but it is.
Look, it's just, um, J's
had so much change recently
I didn't realise till it
was too late, obviously, but
It's OK.
Actually it's, um, when you
said the 'stepmother' thing.
Oh, fuck, I knew it.
No, no, no. It's, um
It just made me think
of J having a stepfather.
That really wigged me out.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what that
says about me but
Maybe it's fair enough.
Yeah. Maybe.
- But, um, guess what.
- What?
- J loved the present.
- Yes!
Oh, yay!
I'm sorry.
I really am.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Nah, it's cool. Come. Sit.
How was work?
How are you guys going?
No, guys. No. It's fine. What's up?
Uh, well, um
We were talking, uh, and thinking and
well, talking about you
and thinking how great you are.
You're better than great. Wonderful.
And we don't agree on most things.
But we definitely agree on that.
- You're the best guy we know.
- The best.
Uh thanks.
it's Ariel's dream to have a baby.
And I know it doesn't
always work out perfectly.
But Oh, sorry. I think
this is maybe a bad time.
No, sorry. Go on.
You know I haven't had much
luck so far with finding a donor
and I realised it was
the universe telling me
that it was the wrong time.
So, we wondered if you
would do us the honour
Of giving us your wonderful sperm?
Oh. You know it's customary
to stay in if you've
not been feeling well.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
- Aww, cute.
- Yeah, well
Must take it out of you
dropping J over here.
Or not.
Mum, so much has been happening.
- Santi has a girlfriend.
- Do we have any food?
OK, Oly, I don't need to be involved.
Mum, I said I'm sorry.
It slipped my mind.
I've had SO much going on. Did I even
What are you doing here?
- It's my weekend.
- I wanna see J.
- I thought you were sick.
- Well, come on in, everyone.
I don't want J to meet your girlfriend.
I don't even know who she is.
Can you take that outside?
And, Bowie, they are mine.
I already told her it's happening.
Yeah, well, I take back my permission.
I don't need your permission.
You don't want those
raspberries, do you?
OK, out! Out!
Everybody, out. Out of my house.
You know, people at
my work buy me flowers
and my students write
me letters of thanks,
and every now and again,
they win a literary prize
and write my name in the
foreword of their book.
Oh, darling, that is beautiful drumming.
Can I meet you upstairs in a tick?
Thank you, JJ. Great work.
What have I got here?
Is anyone thanking me in a book?
Ho, no.
Is anyone paying me?
You know, at work, I get
paid, I get acknowledgement,
I get super, I get flowers.
But what do I get here?
No flowers. No super.
No acknowledgement.
Teaching award.
Literal reward.
Here nope. No reward.
Mum, I live here.
- Excuse me.
- No, no, no. You can't come in.
If you can't remember
my 1-year PET scan,
then you can't come in.
PET scan. Whoops.
- Yeah, same.
- Are you OK?
I'm not telling.
- Mum!
- No, it's too bad.
It's too late.
Yeah, well, if I did indeed forget it,
it's because I blocked it out.
On purpose.
Oh, right, yeah. Classic Dom.
Oh, 'classic'.
And where does fucking one's oncologist
fit in the spectrum
of classic behaviour?
Well, you wouldn't touch me.
I-I'm gonna wait in the park.
What was I supposed to do,
shrivel up and die from sexual neglect?
Oh, that's a thing now, is it?
Hello, darling. Can we not do
this on public display, please?
Let me in.
Just because I had cancer
doesn't mean I stopped needing you.
I drove you everywhere,
and I was at every single appointment.
You weren't with me.
You weren't with me.
You acted like you were ferrying
around an alien made of glass.
What are you talking about?
Am I seriously getting into trouble
because I didn't try to
get my rocks off with you
whilst you were sick?
See, that's the problem, Dom.
You wouldn't even consider
that I might have got some
much-needed pleasure too.
- Yep.
- You decided for me.
Or you were worried you'd catch cancer.
Yeah! Yeah! That's what
it was. That's bullshit!
- Well, how would I know?
- That's not why I was angry.
You wouldn't even talk about it.
I was upset that you
were gonna die, darling!
So was I!
Which is why I don't understand
why you wouldn't do me the dignity
of admitting that you
found me disgusting
and diseased.
I knew it but you wouldn't say it.
There was a reason
why I was attracted to
the way he looked at me
and talked to me and listened to me.
What, like a patient, huh?
No. Like a woman, Dom.
Like a whole woman right
there in front of him.
Yeah, with a few crappy cells,
but who could still be desirable.
As if any of our
break-ups over the years
have ever been about me not wanting you.
No wonder J's getting in trouble
if that's how your mum is around her.
Are you kidding?
You have literally zero respect
for what it's like to be a mum.
I'm pretty sure she was
including you in the rant.
Yeah. Well, at least
I can acknowledge it.
Oh, look at that. Oly wins again. Huh?
We need her to not
see this kind of thing.
Yeah, I know. I don't want
it to be like this either.
So I think that we should just
use this as a drop-off point
and we can coordinate so that
we don't have to cross paths.
And that way, J doesn't
have to see anything bad
and we can just move on with our lives.
Is that Is that what you want?
Sensible boundaries sounds
sounds sensible.
Starting now.
- Fine.
- Fine.
Nice car.
Previous EpisodeNext Episode