Bunk'd (2015) s04e09 Episode Script

Lake Rancid

1 Since we started cleaning up the lake, the fish are happier.
I think.
They're not big smilers.
Plus, now that they're less toxic, we can catch and eat them again.
I guess we don't give fish a lot to smile about.
But we're not all done.
We just cleared a very small patch.
Social media isn't about reality, it's about looking good.
And cat memes.
And here I thought it was about the instantaneous dopamine rush to distract us from the imminent apocalypse.
Gwen, the image you put out into the world is everything.
It's how people judge you.
The goal is to look as good as possible at all times.
I've never really worried about the way I look.
Maybe because I just started living in a place with mirrors.
Hey, guys! Check it out! Look at all the trash I fished out of the lake with my new trash picker.
I'm more machine than man now.
Where's Finn? I thought he went out in the canoe with you.
Ew! What were you doing in there? Looking for my keys.
Kidding! I just love trash.
Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka Good morning, campers.
Got a few announcements.
First, whoever keeps changing "Camp Director" to "Damp Director" on the camp website needs to stop.
Second, tomorrow night is our annual Camp Kikiwaka Founder's Day Jubilee.
What's that? It's to celebrate the day Jedediah Swearengen founded the camp.
The counselors put on a terrible, boring play all about Kikiwaka history.
Then why did everyone cheer? Because after the play, there's an awesome ice cream social.
Last year I ate so much ice cream, I had a brain freeze for three days.
Who knew you even had that much brain to freeze? I know! Now that I'm Damp Director Darn it! Camp Director, I will be playing the role of Jedediah in the play.
And it'll be the first time our newest counselors, Ava and Noah, help bring our rich camp history to life.
We get to be in a play? We have to be in a play? One other piece of exciting news.
I've been contacted by Nature Nurture magazine.
They saw Destiny's post about her lake clean-up, and they're sending a reporter tomorrow to interview her and take pictures.
Let's all give Destiny a round of applause.
Yeah! No, you shouldn't! You really, really shouldn't.
I am so proud of you, Destiny.
And I'm excited about a headline for Camp Kikiwaka that doesn't start with "Tragic fire," or "Tragic sinkhole," or "Tragic racoon uprising.
" This is terrible.
We're not done cleaning up the lake and my post said that it was already perfect.
When this reporter comes tomorrow, everybody will know that it's not.
I'll be humiliated.
Then we'll help you make it perfect.
In a day? Impossible.
That's what they told Pythagoras when he first proposed the earth is round.
"The earth is round.
" Good one.
We'll talk later.
All right, counselors.
Who is ready to make this year's play the best ever? I am.
All of my many acting skills are at your disposal.
Great! You'll be performing the important role of the first tree.
As in the first tree Jedediah cut down to build his cabins.
Does the tree have lines? It's not a talking tree.
Can it at least dance? You do know how trees work, right? Ava, you'll be playing Jedediah's wife Esther.
Yeesh! Maybe we could update the wardrobe a bit? What are you talking about? That costume is authentic.
Fun fact.
Esther passed away in that very dress.
The rest of you will be in the chorus of first campers.
You were here last year, so grab costumes while I get Ava and Noah up to speed with our rehearsals.
How many lines do I have? Not that many.
Esther was a woman of few words.
Which will happen when you're raised by squirrels.
She was what now? As Jedediah, I mostly monologue about camp.
I have the part memorized, so you can work off the script for now.
How long is this play? Anywhere from two to three hours.
Really just depends on how many times I lose my voice.
Okay, the reporter from Nature Nurture magazine will be here tomorrow.
But I have a plan.
We eat all the trash? Sorry, I'm not good with plans.
We'll gather all the trash between the boatshed and the creek, then, we'll just keep the reporter in the clean area.
You think that will work? It's like when I won the Miss Waffle Palace pageant, even though I messed up my baton performance.
I dropped the baton on a backhand toss, but covered with a reverse flash.
I did a reverse flash at school once and got sent home.
Matteo and I will gather all the garbage into piles.
Gwen, you'll sort the piles for recycling.
And Finn, you'll bag it all so it can be picked up tomorrow.
Where's it going? Are you donating it to kids who don't have trash to play with? Yes, Finn.
Kinda in a hurry here, Matteo.
I don't think those gloves are working.
You're right.
I could still get garbage juice on my clothes this way.
Good thing I brought my HazMat suit.
Actually, how about you just take a break? A break? But we just started.
Don't you need my help? Sure At some point.
But don't find me, I'll find you.
Is that okay? I guess the world will keep on turning.
You know, we really need to have that talk.
As Camp Kikiwaka thrived, I sat and pondered how it all started with one tree, and one man.
Me, Jedediah Swearengen, and Ava, get up.
This is your line.
"One loving wife, me, Esther Swearengen Squirrel noises.
" You're supposed to make squirrel noises.
Yeah, I'm not gonna do that.
And the rest was history.
The history of Camp Kikiwaka.
Okay, good start.
Ava, Noah, take five.
I'm gonna say "five," I mean "one.
" That was awful.
And I was in a one man production of A Chorus Line.
At least you get to lay down for it.
I have to look interested and keep hiding nuts.
Campers must hate this play.
Should we say something to Lou? No, I don't really care that much.
Let's just get through it.
Ava, for this next run-through, how about you wear the death dress? Lou, we need to talk.
Look, don't think of it as the dress she died in.
Think of it as the dress she lived in.
And then died in.
No, it's more about the play.
Don't you think it's just a little Boring? Oh.
I see where this is coming from.
From the fact the play is boring? Look, I know it can get cold outside of Jedediah's spotlight, but you gotta pay your dues, buckaroos.
No, we're not upset about our parts.
Speak for yourself.
We just think it could use a little something more.
Like a small fire to burn half the script.
Guys, the campers love the play the way it is.
It's our camp's history, and you can't just rewrite history.
Unless it's Esther and First Tree fanfiction.
In which case, you are late to the party.
Places! Finn, can you bag up the pile behind the boatshed? Just to warn you, there are some gross food wrappers, an old diaper, some strange black goo All right, all right.
You can stop selling it.
I'm going.
Um, Gwen? What are you doing? I made the recyclables look nice in case you wanted to post a picture.
But I can't post any more pictures, because it's supposed to already be a #cleanlake.
Also, the cans should be crushed.
And the cardboard shouldn't be mixed in with the newspaper.
Trash is a lot easier when you're dealing with carcasses.
I'm used to separating things into bones and guts.
Gwen, the reporter is coming today, and nothing is perfect.
But I can do your job, too.
Just go ahead and take a break.
Don't you need help crushing them? You got this.
Ava, Noah.
Let's nail it down with lucky number seven.
Matteo just wants to give us a camper's opinion on last year's play.
Wait, what? You said we were going to taste test ice cream samples.
I lied.
Get over it.
Go ahead.
Tell Lou what you thought of last year's play.
Maybe I'm the wrong camper to ask.
I'm not really representative of my demographic.
Come on, Matteo.
You've seen the play when it all comes together on the big night.
Tell 'em you love it.
Uh, it's just The play's a bit, um Dry and educational? No, I love dry and educational.
This is bloated and historically questionable.
Sorry, Lou.
I guess neither of us got what we wanted out of this conversation.
But the play's a camp tradition.
We get it.
The play's an important part of the jubilee.
Ava and I just have some ideas to make it better.
I guess it couldn't hurt to hear your ideas.
Picture this.
Everything's different.
Would you guys like a little more time to work on your ideas? Yes, please.
Finn, why is it taking so long to bag up all the garbage? It's just you and me now, and we're running out of time.
Well, it takes a while to pick out all the "keep" trash.
Did you know someone threw out a perfectly good broken golf club? Are you kidding me? I know, right? This is the "keep" trash, and that's the "trash" trash.
Or is that the "trash" trash? Only one way to find out.
That's the good stuff.
The good stuff? The good stuff? Am I on break? So on break! What are you guys doing here? Noah and Ava needed a test audience for the new version of the play.
We'll see if that's true.
I've been misled before.
Lou! Great.
I think we're ready to show you what we got.
Get up here and let's give it a try.
Ooh! Do I need a script? Nope.
Just your smiling face.
Just stand over here.
A long time ago, there was a man named Jedediah Swearengen.
He cut down some trees and built some cabins.
And some other stuff happened.
And now we have the jubilee in his honor, so we can enjoy Ice cream! Ice cream in da house Mint, chocolate chip Buh-buh-butter butterscotch Now this is entertainment! Stop! My head is stuck, but I am moving forward with my outrage.
What is this? What happened to the history of camp? The Ice Cream Social seems to be the only part of the jubilee the kids really care about.
So we leaned into that.
Is that really how everyone feels? Yeah.
Well, then you guys can do whatever you want for the jubilee without me.
Lou, you can't quit.
I just did.
Look away! And I have just enough time to get ready before the reporter gets here, And I have just enough time to get ready before the reporter gets here, so I look perfect! I found a comb if you need it.
Finn, what are you doing in there? This is what I do on break.
Well, get out of there, because I have a garbage truck coming to Oh, no! I was so busy doing everything, I forgot to schedule trash pickup.
Double oh, no.
I also think you mixed the "keep trash" and the "trash trash.
" I'll go cover myself back up.
What are you guys doing here? Finn told us you needed our help.
So we're canceling the breaks you sent us on.
You would do that? After I sent you away? It's okay.
Taking a break from cleaning up trash isn't as bad as you think.
Thanks, guys.
We have to find a way to get this trash out of here somehow.
It's too late.
The reporter will be here in a half hour.
Tell us how to help.
We'll do anything.
I just don't know what to do with this giant pile.
But I'm open to suggestions.
No matter how imperfect, there are no bad ideas.
Well, when my mom forces me to clean my room, I usually just shove everything under my bed.
Okay, there's one bad idea.
No, that could work.
We just need a really big bed.
Jedediah? How Is it really you? Well, it ain't Santa Claus.
I can't believe I'm talking to you.
And I can't believe you walked out on my jubilee.
I know.
I'm sorry, but the campers hate the play, and I don't want to be a part of it if we aren't going to celebrate our camp's history.
And you.
Did you know that when I first built the camp I didn't start with the cabins? Really? But the play says Yeah, yeah, the play fudges a few facts.
Originally, we just had tents.
But the campers kept complaining, "The wind blows them down.
It's too cold.
The wolves can get in and drag us away.
" It is always something with kids.
And that's when I really cut down the first tree and built the cabins.
After all, camp is all about helping the campers have a good time.
But isn't it also about learning? It's about both.
And leading is about compromise.
Take it from the guy who lost a lot of campers to wolves due to his stubborn pride.
I think I understand.
Then my job here is done.
But, before I go, can you help me with an itch on my back I just can't reach? Holy moly! Hey, Jedediah, how exactly did you die? Come to think of it, I'm not sure.
The last thing I remember was getting into an argument with my buddy Hatchet Joe.
Why do you ask? No reason.
Lou! Lou! Do you hear that? Lou! - Lou! - Stabbed in the back! I know.
I know.
But that's why we're here.
To say how sorry we are for messing up your play.
You guys were just trying to help.
I mean, you didn't.
And you severely underestimated the size of the human head.
But I'm the one who should be apologizing for being so stubborn.
It's okay.
We'll do the old play.
It'll be great.
Actually, I have an idea how to keep the tradition alive, and not bore the campers to tears.
But I'm gonna need your help.
Do I have to wear the dead squirrel lady's dress? - No.
- Then I'm in.
I can't believe we did it! Me neither.
I'd say I've never had more fun in the trash, but I'd be lying.
Hey, kids.
I was told I could find Destiny down here? I'm Randy, with Nature Nurture magazine.
Oh, hi.
I'm Destiny.
I didn't realize it was already time for the interview.
We were just hanging out, enjoying our nice, clean lake.
Ah! Looks just as good as in your posts.
Should we start with the interview? Then I'll give you a little time to, uh mmm! Defunk.
Uh, let's just take some pics.
Are you sure? A lot of readers are gonna be seeing these pictures online.
I look great, Randy! Okay, okay! Funky it is.
Thanks for all your help.
I think we're actually gonna pull this off.
Let's just snap one off.
Go ahead, snap it.
Snappy snap it.
Say "cheese!" Cheese.
What is going on? Where did all this trash come from? It's over, Finn.
This is the trash we collected from everything you can see.
The rest of the lake is still littered with trash.
But your posts They were misleading.
I was trying so hard to look perfect, but now you know the truth.
The truth is, you've made a lot of progress.
You shouldn't put so much pressure on yourself to look perfect.
I think you're perfect already.
Even if you're not perfect.
Not perfect is perfectly fine.
Does that make any sense? Perfect sense.
I guess I forgot the reason I started doing this lake cleanup in the first place was to support a cause I believe in.
Uh Please, don't.
It's so embarrassing.
No, it's amazing.
I had no idea you collected so much trash.
People should see this.
Then maybe they'll recycle more.
Or at least be mindful of how much they throw away.
And where it can end up.
But there's still so much left to do.
Then I'll come back for a follow-up piece.
Clean lake, colon, the story of a clean lake.
Okay, I'll work on it.
In the meantime, can you kids pose in front of that trash? You don't have to ask me twice.
And now, we proudly present, Swearengen! In 1843 I set out with my wife To find new land and to start a new life Then I found this big lake Stood on this big-a rock-a And said it's time to build Camp Kikiwaka It's time to stop the talk-a and let's start Camp Kikiwaka Kikiwaka Camp wiggity, wiggity wakka This will be the tree I cut down for my plan I gotta check for squirrels 'cause the wife is a fan Don't forget where you come from First tree about to lay down some roots Ooh, look at me I'm a talking, dancing tree The campers will come enjoy summers with no end With fun, games, food and lifelong friends Where my woodchucks at? This is amazing.
Who knew history could be fun! I almost don't need ice cream now.
Really? No, I'm entertained, not crazy.
Bowl or cone? It's okay, I brought my own.
In the woods, we didn't have ice cream, just snow.
Mom would never let me try the lemon flavor.
The play was amazing.
Everything has improved so much since you've been Camp Director.
When I grow up, I wanna be just like Lou.
Aw, you don't mean that.
I wanna be just like you, too.
Me, too.
How do you get your hair so shiny? Oh, all right.
You win.
You mean it.
Horse shampoo.
To Lou, the queen of Camp Kikiwaka.
Lou, Lou, Lou, Lou, Lou! Lou, Lou, Lou, Lou, Lou! Lou.
Lou! It's no use.
She's dead to the world.
Lou, Lou, Lou, Lou!