Call the Midwife s08e05 Episode Script

1 MATURE JENNIFER: Who are we, after all? Are we where we live? Are we the rituals we celebrate year after year as the seasons roll round? ENGINE STUTTERS Are we our hopes and our desires? Are we what we choose to be and do? Or are we shaped by accident and not our own design? HE SIGHS And they lived happily ever after.
The end.
Course they did.
It's why we read them, isn't it? - I don't read them.
- Why not? I don't believe in love at first sight.
Who does? But there's nothing wrong with a bit of escapism.
I'll leave that there for you, Lucille.
Hm! Here's the list of appointments for today's cervical smear clinic.
A copy for Nurse Franklin and one for me.
Thank you, Miss Higgins.
- How many ladies altogether? - 15, would you believe? That's excellent! There's always a sense of anticipation when we start a new clinic.
Especially one as pioneering as this one.
Let's serve tea and biscuits straight away, in case of nerves.
We have to remember none of them will have had this test before.
I might need a cup.
First time for them, first time for us, too.
- All set? - I think so.
This new cervical cancer test will save lives, Shelagh, so I am thrilled to be asked to participate.
While I do not wish to rain on your parade, Dr Turner, won't it also add considerably to the surgery's workload? I could always ask the council to give us some support, but I don't want them to think that we can't manage.
They're trusting us to deliver this.
We'll manage.
I'm sure of it.
George and I have waited a long time for this.
After we lost our first, we didn't think we'd get another chance.
Then, when we found out, I was scared I'd be no good at being pregnant.
And now I'm scared I'd be no good at being a mum.
Everything's going to be absolutely splendid.
Baby's ticking over nicely, and you've been a regular at our Mothercraft classes.
I'm going to drag George along to the next one.
I think he's a bit embarrassed that folk might think he's soft.
The first one's ready.
There we are, ready.
Mrs Porter is first up.
I'll call her in.
Mrs Porter, please.
In for a penny If men had what we've got down there, - they wouldn't be getting scraped.
- Consider yourself the vanguard.
A few moments' discomfort and you're helping to protect yourself, your daughters and the generations of women who come after you.
You're a heroine, Mrs Porter.
- Righto.
- How are we doing, Nurse? - Ready, Doctor.
- Can we get on with it? I need to get my sheets out before the weather turns.
Just relax, Mrs Porter.
The speculum may feel a little cold.
And that's it done.
- That wasn't too bad, was it? - I've had worse up there, believe me.
Bronwyn Parry, please.
That's me.
But my name's Lois, not Bronwyn.
Bronwyn is my mum.
She got the letter but didn't want to come, so I'm here in her place.
Your mother will have been invited because she's over 35 and has had a baby.
I'm very happy to say that you're not at risk of developing cervical cancer at the moment.
Can I just have the test anyway? I'm getting married soon and I want to check everything's you know.
If it's contraception you're concerned about, - we do have a Women's Advice Clinic.
- The wedding's in a month.
Can't you just take a look, please? Why? Is there something worrying you? I haven't had a period.
Since when? Ever.
I've never had one.
Not ever.
What colour do you want? I better take both, just in case.
Sometimes I think it's a boy cos the amount it kicks, but then I think it's a girl cos it goes all quiet when Sing Something Simple's on.
Ah, well, whatever it is, it'll be a little joy.
Why don't you take the lemon? That will do both.
Give us a yard and a half of that, then.
George will go daft when he sees I'm knitting more cardies.
We can't move for them as it is.
I keep seeing your George in that cafe round the corner, tucking in to his fry-ups.
I said to him, he'd better watch it or you'll be coming to me for expanders for his trousers.
- Sandy Lawrence's caff? - That's the one.
I'll be as quick and as gentle as possible.
All done, Miss Parry.
Now, why don't you sit up, get yourself sorted and we'll have a chat.
There's nothing wrong, is there? First batch done and ready to go to the lab.
What, is it? What's wrong? I've just seen a young woman who hasn't started her periods.
She's 22 years old, Shelagh, and I couldn't find her cervix, and she has a very short vagina.
I've referred her St Cuthbert's as a matter of urgency, but she's about to get married.
Oh, no.
I do hope her young man is a nice one.
I knew something wasn't right.
When all the girls in school were getting their monthlies and I I wasn't.
What about your mother? She must've noticed you weren't using sanitary protection.
I lied to her.
I see.
She'd buy me sanitary towels and I didn't know what to do with them, cos I didn't want her to realise.
So I said I'd put them in the bin myself cos I was too embarrassed for her to do it.
I felt so bad lying to her.
You might want to tell her now, then she can go to the hospital with you.
No! Don't tell her! Please.
How did you get on? Did you get them? You know They said I've got to go to the Women's Advice Clinic for them, so they'll make an appointment and sort me out.
Good.
That's good.
Hey, not long now.
We won't have to wait that much longer.
Come on.
ENGINE RATTLES AND GROANS - That does not sound good.
- It certainly doesn't sound healthy.
Apologies, ladies.
I offer you a lift home and you'd have been quicker walking.
It might be your head gasket, Nurse Crane.
Morris Minors are wonderfully reliable little cars, but sometimes even they can let you down.
My father's a veteran car enthusiast.
He taught me a little about engines.
ENGINE TURNS OVER I'm afraid you both might have to get out and push.
This is becoming a bit of a habit, Phyllis.
Oh, dear.
What's wrong? Don't you like it? It's not that, it's just er, I'm not hungry.
I had a big lunch.
- What did you have? - Bacon, couple of eggs, sausages, three rounds of toast.
Blimey! I thought I was meant to be eating for two! Where did you go? The caff near work.
Does Sandy Lawrence still work there? Think so.
Why? Just wondering.
- Sister Frances, I have a task for you.
- Yes, Sister? I'd like you to supervise our Mothercraft class this evening.
It's our "bathing baby" session, one of our most popular, and the fathers are encouraged to attend.
I think you'd get a great deal from it.
I'm very sorry, Sister, but I can't do it.
I've been petrified of speaking in public since I was seven and I was the narrator in the Nativity play.
And I froze just as the wise men were arriving at the stable.
They didn't know if they were coming or going.
I see.
Well, I'm sure Nurse Dyer would be prepared to offer her moral support.
Of course, I'd be happy to.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you so much.
Better get a move on, love, you'll be late for work.
- Got the morning off.
- You're not ill, are you? Course not.
I have to go and order the wedding cake and this is the only time the baker could do it.
- Don't you want me to come with you? - No, it's fine.
I can do it.
Oh.
I thought we could pick it together.
I was looking forward to it.
Sorry, Mum, but I really want to do that one thing by myself.
We've done everything else together, haven't we? It's just the cake.
That's all.
Miss Parry? Hm.
And What do you notice about the genital area? Anyone? Come on.
It's staring you in the face.
- Lack of pubic hair, sir.
- Correct.
And why might that be? Any thoughts? Underactive adrenal gland, sir? Possibly, but unlikely in this case.
SHE SOBS Just relax, this won't take long.
Right, Nurse Crane, turn her over.
ENGINE TURNS OVER SHE TRIES AGAIN It appears you're having some difficulty persuading your vehicle to obey your command.
Thankfully your powers of observation have not deserted you, Sister, even though my engine seems to have given up the ghost.
Perhaps you are being a little too demanding.
A gentle persuasion is often more effective than a heavy hand.
Best get a mechanic to take a look, Nurse Crane.
I know a bloke who comes highly recommended.
A mechanic who comes highly recommended? Gold dust! It's perfectly normal to feel nervous the first time you bath baby, but the important thing to remember is is is to test the temperature of the water before lowering baby in.
So, you do this using your elbow.
Oh, dear! Oh, dear, oh, dear! You'll be brilliant.
They're just people.
Imagine them naked, then they'll hold no fear.
DOORBELL RINGS Oh.
Hello.
Can I help? Good morning, Miss, I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm looking for Nurse Phyllis Crane.
Mr Buckle sent me.
It's about her car.
She's out on call just now, but she left her keys.
Come in, I'll get them.
Oh, my goodness, Miss Parry! Whatever's happened?! - Are you all right? - Dr Turner, I I have to see him.
Please! I'm afraid he's not here.
Come on, George.
SHE SIGHS It was horrible.
He had these students there, all men, and he didn't tell me what he was doing or why.
He found something in my stomach, I know he did.
Here.
Don't worry.
We'll get to the bottom of it.
MUSIC: My Boy Lollipop by Millie Small INDISTINCT CHATTER Hello? Oh.
I thought you should know, you're causing an obstruction.
Oh, my apologies, Nurse.
I haven't quite mastered the ability to diagnose my patient without a good look at the chassis.
Cyril Robinson.
Oh, I better not shake.
No, best not.
As long as you don't think I'm rude.
- Just a bit loud.
- I'll keep it down.
Even though it's something of a sacrifice, Cyril, the last cherry macaroon is yours.
I'm honoured, Sister.
I see you have already made the acquaintance of our dear Nurse Anderson.
She used to be a librarian before she found her true path.
See you inside, Sister.
Nice to meet you, Mr Robinson.
So, this is the engine.
It takes fuel from the tank and ignites it with a spark.
So, the workings of this automobile are not unlike the workings of the human body.
It requires fuel to power it, a heart to keep it running, lights to shine the way, and a system that prevents overheating.
I couldn't have put that better myself.
THEY LAUGH You all right, Mrs Sharp? Sorry, my husband's late.
Oh, don't worry, I can be Dad for now.
I don't know where he's got to.
- I'll kill him when I see him.
- THEY CHUCKLE Now, Sister Frances is going to demonstrate the best way to hold baby as you start to lower it into the bath.
The important thing is to support baby's head.
Like this.
We want baby to feel safe and secure.
The last thing you want is a wriggling infant near a bath of water.
That's it, Mr Barton, but gently.
You don't want to drown baby.
Just lower baby slowly into the water, so it covers their tummy and their legs, then gently splash.
That's great.
Well done.
Oh, that's it, Mr Barton, support the head.
The head.
Little splashes.
You don't want to cause a flood.
SHE CHUCKLES What do you do when water gets in it? You just pull its leg off and pour.
Although I wouldn't try that on an actual baby.
THEY LAUGH There you go, George.
You know, if you're not careful, you're going to - grow a pair of trotters.
- Thought I'd find you here.
- I see you're being well taken care of.
- I was hungry.
We've got food at home.
You missed the class, George.
- Sorry, I forgot.
- Oh, charming.
Come on, we're going.
George, don't forget your butty, whatever you do.
I'll take that, thank you very much.
That's it, Angela, stand still.
Oh! You've grown a whole inch! Clever girl.
Come on, May, let's measure you, too.
We can write your name next to everyone else's.
SHE GIGGLES Honestly, Patrick, if you could have seen how upset Lois Parry was.
Perhaps I shouldn't have rushed to get her an appointment.
Kenley is always a bit of a blunt instrument.
I could've asked for a more sympathetic consultant if we'd been prepared to wait.
I do think any further diagnosis would be better coming from you, Patrick.
We could get the information from Mr Kenley and pass it on with Trixie's help.
- Lois seems to like her.
- Hm.
That's a good idea.
I do feel a bit out of my depth, and I can only imagine what that poor girl is feeling.
Dad, can I take these? They've been in the cupboard since the Jurassic age.
The Triassic, more likely.
I bought them in case we ever got to the Cup Final.
- Where are you going with those? - Clive's.
There's a few of us going round to listen to A Hard Day's Night.
The Beatles do seem a bit nicer than the Rolling Stones.
And Paul McCartney's mother was a midwife.
We just have to check if you're tall enough to drink beer.
Oh.
It seems you are.
THEY GIGGLE I've replaced the head gasket and it's still refusing to budge.
- It's probably the valves.
- How long will that take to fix? Two days.
Maybe three.
Two days will have to suffice, please.
I'm not prepared to do my rounds on a bus any longer than that.
The timetables are a work of fiction.
Nurse Crane? Still not working? It would appear not, and I have rounds to do.
Well, I'm off-duty today.
Uh uh uh, please allow me to give you a lift.
Very well.
Thank you.
When things don't seem quite right on the outside, it often means that there are more worrying problems on the inside.
When Mr Kenley examined you, he discovered that your vagina was much shorter than it should be, and he couldn't find a womb.
Do you understand, Lois? He discovered that you have a very rare condition.
Where your ovaries would normally be, he found two male testes growing.
It's called testicular feminisation syndrome.
I know this must be a terrible shock, Lois.
We'll help you in any way that we can.
In very simple terms, it means that, on the outside, you look like a woman, but, genetically, you're male.
No! Please, no, no.
Please, I can't, I can't Nurse Franklin and I have talked about all of this, so I'm going to leave you with her now, and you can take your time and take it in.
Is he saying that though I look like a woman, I'm really a man? Is that what he's saying? He's saying that you're a mixture of both sexes.
Oh, God! Oh, God! I don't have a womb! How am I going to have children? How am I going to tell Paul? He wants to be a dad so badly.
There are other ways to be a mother, Lois, without becoming pregnant.
What about What about How will we on the wedding night? An intimate relationship might still be possible.
How can we have a relationship at all, when I'm not who Paul thinks I am? You don't have to drive me to every house call, you know.
I'm perfectly capable of using public transport.
I have no doubt you'd be perfectly capable of doing most things, but I'm happy to be of service.
I would be delighted if you'd do me the honour of spending some more time in my company.
Perhaps a visit to the theatre this time? Or dinner, even? Oh, look, we're here already! Thank you.
Oh, Patrick I didn't make a very good job of that, I'm afraid.
This might make you feel a little better.
The Local Health Authority have written to commend us for the way we've handled the cervical smear clinic.
- They want us to increase our numbers.
- This is good, isn't it? Think how many more women we'll be able to screen.
But you're going to need help.
Do you think Trixie would be interested? - I'm sure she would.
- Hm.
Hello, pet, you're late.
I've kept you some tea.
- It's in the oven.
- Thanks, Mum, but I'm not that hungry.
- But Paul will be here in a minute.
- So he will.
Is everything all right? Have you two had a row or something? No.
I'm just tired.
This'll cheer you up.
The invitations arrived.
They're so fancy, Lois.
Show them, Nancy.
I'll look at them later.
Has it started? Is it coming? No, Mr Sharp, it's just your wife's body practising.
Your clever baby's getting ready.
We call these Braxton Hicks.
I like to think of them as a dress rehearsal for the opening night.
How does my body know to do that? When you think about it, it's beyond belief.
Where are you going? Out.
I said I'd meet Marty for a pint.
I won't be late.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I I shouldn't have.
I I just I'm sorry.
- I just don't want to.
- What's wrong? Nothing.
Why does something have to be wrong? I just don't want to.
Why don't you go and I'll see you tomorrow? Did I hear that Nurse Crane's mechanic has been teaching you all about car engines, Sister Monica Joan? Oh, Cyril is much more than a mechanic, my dear.
He is a scholar who spends his evenings in the pursuit of learning and his Sundays in the worship of God.
He's a part-time preacher, you know.
Huh.
Really? Did you know that, Lucille? Why would I know it? Oh, I just thought you might.
What's he studying, Sister? Do you know? Engineering.
The civil kind.
The kind most suited to a young gentleman of his disposition.
Well, he sounds most interesting and eligible.
Now, if you'll excuse me, ladies, I have my own studies to attend.
Wishing and hoping And thinking and praying Planning and dreaming Each night of his charms That won't get you into his arms So if you're looking to find love You can share You won't get him Thinking and a-praying Wishing and a-hoping Cos wishing and kissing And squeezing and loving Yeah, just do it And after you do You will be his You will be his Oh, Lois.
Mrs Turner telephoned to tell me you were coming.
She was very kind.
She said I would find you here.
I don't know what to do, Nurse.
I just don't understand any of it.
I know Dr Turner said that I'm I'm a man inside but I look like a woman don't I? I still want to wear dresses and make-up and do my hair nice.
I still have those feelings for Paul.
If I can't understand it, how is he going to? The one thing that helped me when I was trying to understand my problem was talking to people in the same position.
Might help you, too, if we can find someone.
I don't know if I could.
I can't bear the thought of anyone knowing.
Sometimes it is easier to talk to strangers than our loved ones.
My Paul he doesn't deserve this.
We're saving up.
We had it all mapped out.
Children everything.
He's a lovely man.
I've let him down.
Oh, Lois You haven't done anything wrong.
It's the way that you were born and none of us can control that.
What about your mum? Would you like me to talk to her with you? I can't.
I just can't.
All right, sweetie.
All right.
Sister, can I ask you something? You can ask, but I can't promise to have the answer.
It's not about me or the baby, it's George.
It's been so hard for him, these past few months.
I've been a bit wrapped up in myself.
And we haven't had you know, for months.
In case.
And he's been very good about it but now he's acting all strange.
He's hiding something, I know it.
And I think he's having an affair with the woman from the cafe near his work.
Whatever makes you think that? He's developed a taste for bacon and he's never liked it and he's getting a bit fat.
That's hardly conclusive proof of an extra-marital dalliance.
And now you need to concentrate on baby.
You and Mr Sharp can have a thorough tete-a-tete once baby's here and safe.
Nurse, can I borrow you? I promised Nurse Crane I'd get this done by tomorrow.
I just need a bit of help to turn the engine over.
It'll only take a minute.
As long as it's quick.
Right, when I say, put one foot on the pedal on the left and one on the pedal on the right.
Do you want me to do anything with the gear stick? No, no.
Just turn the key.
ENGINE STARTS ENGINE REVS You've done it! Yeah, gently.
Not too much.
Argh! It's nothing.
It's just a slight burn.
I wasn't concentrating.
Thank you.
I don't usually injure myself.
Mind on other things.
It happens.
Where are you from? I came over from British Guiana.
Sister Monica Joan tells me you are mechanic by day and a scholar by night.
Of Civil Engineering? They're not that different from each other.
They're both about putting things together.
Or fixing them when they break down.
I fix things.
And you fix people.
Do you like to dance, Nurse Anderson? Of course.
Who doesn't? Would you like to come dancing with me one Saturday night? I'm a member of a very good social club.
I am very flattered, but I'm going to decline.
I am here to work, Cyril, and I cannot allow myself to get distracted.
I understand.
Completely.
TELEPHONE RINGS Nonnatus House.
Midwife speaking.
Hello.
It's George Sharp here.
It's my wife, Pam.
I think she's started.
Come quickly, won't you? Nurse Anderson from the first moment I encountered you, I sensed a spirit.
Free.
Fearless.
It would pain me to think your time spent within these hallowed walls had rendered you earthbound.
You were listening, Sister.
I was in the vicinity and words floated to my ears.
Ooh! I promised to bring that nice young man a cup of tea.
But I suddenly feel weary.
I must rest.
Perhaps you could oblige? Thank you! Sister Monica Joan asked me to bring you this.
Thanks.
No music? I was thinking of you.
It is your last night.
You're my Miss Jamaica There's always music in the streets back home.
I'd forgotten that till you came.
Well, if you won't come dancing with me to a club, dance with me now.
What, here? Yes, here.
I I I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm crowning you myself Cos you're my Miss Jamaica Miss Jamaica Miss Jamaica The cavalry's arrived.
- Your wife's in the bedroom, yes? - GROANING That answers my question.
GROANING Why don't you pop the kettle on, Mr Sharp, and make yourself a nice cup of tea? - Argh! - Are you feeling all right, Mr Sharp? I'm fine I'm fine.
It just comes over me.
Sister Hilda, is that you? I think I'm dying.
Yes, Mrs Sharp, it's me, and you sound fairly alive to me.
You go.
I'll be there in a minute.
It's it's gone now.
So I see.
How often does this happen? About every five minutes.
I don't understand, Lois.
Why? Why? What's happened? Why? Why? Because I don't have those feelings for you any more.
And it's not fair.
No, no, this isn't you, Lois.
This isn't like you.
- I don't believe you.
- It's the truth.
I don't believe you.
Find somebody else, Paul.
Somebody that can make you happy.
Because I can't.
I don't want it.
What am I supposed to do with that? It's yours.
It will only ever be yours.
Oh! I want it to be over.
Please let it be over.
It will be.
Baby can't stay in there for ever.
- Now, do you prefer Pam or Pamela? - Pam.
I hate Pamela.
My little brother used to call me Spamela.
Sister, is my George all right? That's it, Pam.
Breathe with the contraction.
Let it wash over you.
That's it, darling.
Good girl.
GEORGE: Argh Arrgh! Don't you worry, Pam.
Concentrate on what you have to do.
Contraction's nearly gone.
That's it.
That's it.
Lovely.
What's wrong with George, Sister? Your pulse is a little fast, but your temperature's normal.
How are your movements, Mr Sharp? Any constipation? I'd just like to feel your stomach, if I may? PAMELA GROANS I'll send for the doctor just to be on the safe side.
I've examined you thoroughly.
I don't think there's anything seriously wrong.
It's more likely to be a touch of anxiety.
When my eldest was born, I was a nervous wreck, and I'm a doctor.
Anxiety? What, it could do something like this? Absolutely.
Come on, Pam! For God's sake, just push, will ya?! Don't you talk to me like that, George Sharp! This is all your bloody fault! I need a fag.
Aaaaaaarrrrrh! Ooooh.
Cyril asked me to go dancing with him.
Good for him.
I said no.
I wish I'd said yes now.
Well, it's not too late.
You are allowed to change your mind.
I seem to have an admirer too.
And I think I'm being a bit of a coward.
I shall have to face the music, as should you.
Goodnight.
Short breaths for me, darling.
That's it, little breaths.
SHE GROANS Pant for me, darling.
That's it.
You're doing beautifully, Pam.
- Baby's almost with you.
- Here comes baby.
Big push.
Aaaargh! Look at you, little beauty.
BABY CRIES Well done.
You have a perfect daughter, Pam.
You've done so well.
SHE LAUGHS There, there.
There you are.
Hello, darling.
Thank God that's over.
KNOCK ON DOOR You all right, love? You're very quiet.
Lois, what's What have you done? Why did you do this? Why? Your lovely, lovely dress.
Why? Lois? Lois, your poor father, he would turn in his grave if he saw this.
What are you going to get married in now? The wedding's off.
- What do you mean, it's off? - It's not happening, Mum.
Did he break it off? If he has, I'll kill him! He didn't.
I did.
Don't you want to know what we've had? I don't care.
Just glad it's here.
She, George.
You've got a daughter.
Tell you what, you women don't half go through it.
I'll never moan about a cold ever again.
Good evening and welcome.
Even at this late hour.
How may I be of assistance? Assistance?! You've got a damn cheek! You and your assistance has ruined my daughter's life.
- I I - Do you know that? Do you? I I I think that you If you had done your job properly when you were meant to, she would not be like this now.
This is all your fault.
- What's wrong? What's happening? - I'm confused.
- May I ask - I'm glad you're here.
You need to know what she's done to my girl.
May I ask you to refrain from speaking to or about Sister Monica Joan in this way? She is a senior midwife and deserves your respect, not your anger.
Please sit down, Mrs Parry.
I know she's old, but she wasn't old then.
She should've known there was something wrong with my Lois when she was born.
She was my midwife.
It was her job to know.
She told me she was a girl.
She's got boy's bits inside.
I had heard something of this from Nurse Franklin.
I understand how deeply upsetting this must be.
And a terrible shock for all of you.
Please, come and sit down.
I don't have the details of your daughter's case, Mrs Parry.
From what I understand, Lois outwardly looks female.
She would've appeared to be a normal baby girl when she was born and Sister Monica Joan would have had no reason to think otherwise.
Well, she isn't now.
Not now.
20 years, I've watched my little girl grow.
20 years.
Then, today, because of some bloody test, everything's changed.
Lois hasn't.
She's still the same person she was.
I'm her mother.
How did I not know? All those years.
If I'd had a notion, I could've prepared myself better.
How is she ever going to get over this? Don't chide yourself, Mrs Parry.
Lois will come to understand that you and her sister and others will love her for who she is.
You will be her strength, as you have been since the day she was born.
Lois.
Lois.
Lois.
Mum.
Mum! What's wrong with her? Go and phone an ambulance.
Hurry! Hurry! I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Just when I think one job's finished, - lo and behold, there's another.
- That's fatherhood, George.
So, are you feeling better now? Yeah.
All the pain's gone.
What was that all about? I think it was all about grief over your first baby and anxiety about the new one.
Emotional distress expressing itself through physical symptoms.
So you're saying it was all in my head? - All that pain and massive stomach? - It was all very real to you.
It's a condition known as Couvade, George.
In layman's terms, you had a phantom pregnancy.
You experienced all the symptoms of pregnancy along with your wife.
- I felt like I was going mad.
- No.
You just have a very, very close bond with your wife.
The only phantom pregnancy I ever heard of was in a cocker spaniel.
Yeah? I just couldn't face the thought of telling another soul.
Your mother was in shock, Lois.
She didn't mean to react like that.
I wish everything was the same as it was, but I know it can't be now.
Everything's different.
I'm not the same me any more.
You're still the same kind, lovely person, with a family and fiance who love you very much.
That hasn't changed.
Our bodies are only part of who we are.
I want to understand mine now.
When you feel stronger, we can make you an appointment at the Women's Advice Clinic.
They'll try to help you find a way ahead.
Will you be there? I'll try.
Oh, hello.
Is that Cyril? It's Lucille.
If you do this work at the Women's Advice Clinic, it will have to be in your own time, as work on the district continues to grow.
I know that, Sister, but I want to work in a place where women feel able to come and ask for help without feeling embarrassed or uncomfortable.
Where they can talk in confidence to other women who are sympathetic and understand some of what they're going through.
Then you have my permission.
Why don't you go talk to him, love? He's been out there every day.
Waiting.
You rest now.
They said I don't have to tell anyone anything if I don't want to.
- I'm sorry, Mum.
- Don't you dare say that.
You've got nothing to be sorry for, hear me? But you've lost all that money.
The church hall let me off everything except the deposit.
Anyway, none of it matters.
None of it.
All I care about is you and how you feel.
That's all.
So don't you worry, we'll muddle through.
We'll do it together.
Has Paul really been waiting out there? He has.
He cares about you, Lois.
Come and keep your sister company while I sort the tea.
- I'm not going to do anything, Mum.
- I didn't say you were.
Don't you think my hair's a bit big? Deanna from the choir did it and I didn't have the heart to say I wasn't sure.
The bigger the better.
Deanna's done a magnificent job.
Maybe I should've bought a new dress.
- I've had this one for ages.
- Nonsense.
That one suits you.
And the colour's divine.
There's nothing worse than wearing something all stiff and new that doesn't feel like you.
Stand up and do a twirl.
Beautiful.
You look exactly like you.
Just with bigger hair.
Mum says you've been standing out here, just waiting.
I wanted to see you.
Good.
Because I've got something I have to say.
I just fixed it up.
You're the first person to ride in it.
I've known for years that things weren't right.
But you never said anything.
To you? I never said anything to anyone.
And there's things we never discussed with each other, like what would have happened on our wedding night.
No.
I supposed I just thought I'd wait and see what happened.
Yeah.
You know, I wondered and wondered, Lois, what it would be like.
What we'd be like.
And it was brilliant in my mind.
Even though I didn't actually know anything.
I wondered too.
Until I found things out.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
For you, for us.
But I wouldn't be if I didn't still love you.
If I didn't look at you and feel everything that I felt before you told me and more.
More? I love you, Lois.
I look at you and everything I see is what I saw the day I met you.
It's exactly what I've been looking at all the time we've been planning this wedding.
There are things that are never going to happen for us, Paul.
You do understand that? We're never going to have children, for a start.
I'm not getting married cos I want children.
I'm getting married because I want you.
Still? Always.
You know, I used to think that we were made for each other, so if you're not made like like other people, that just makes you more precious to me.
Will we find a way? We're already looking.
- How do I get in? - Just climb in.
There's nothing to it.
Come on, let's go.
- Foot on the step.
- Thank you.
Perhaps, most of all, we are what we accept.
What we allow to be important.
What we embrace about each other and ourselves? There's nothing better.
There is nothing more hopeful.
There is nothing else.
You're my Miss Jamaica I'm crowning you myself Cos you're my Miss Jamaica Miss Jamaica, Miss Jamaica Argh! Oooh! Watch out, son! So our next meeting will be to start planning May's move to her permanent family.
- I'm not going to talk about Cyril.
- Why not? He's not the person I thought he was.
Still alive, then.
I'd like to rule out anthrax.
Bloody hell.